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Exer laid with his friend, David, on his bed with no motivation except to talk to David. He couldn’t keep his emotions hidden, even if they were alone with no one to see them.
He couldn’t care if David’s father suddenly barged into the room. He wouldn’t bat an eye to anyone except David.
It’s strange, right? To be so infatuated with someone that you would do anything for those feelings to be hidden? To be stuffed away in the deep crevices of your mind. For all your cruel and emotional desires to be stored away, forgotten until you thought of them again, repeating the cycle over and over until you lost your mind.
That is what Exer ultimately thought when he thought of David.
They had met in an arcade, unaware that they would be in a tangle of love and regret. Well, that’s what Exer felt.
He couldn’t bother to ask David of his feelings, for if he did, he would be heartbroken.
It would be highly unlikely for their feelings to aline. For their feelings for each other to be the same.
Exer had recently noticed the way he would glance toward David. He would notice the smaller things like David scrunching up his nose when there was a test. Or, his lips curving into a soft smile when their eyes met.
These thoughts couldn’t be spread. For if they did, all of his nightmares would come true.
As much as he supported boys who liked boys, he couldn’t imagine himself to be one of them.
He had always liked girls.
The way how their eyelashes fluttered when they looked downward, shy and sweet. The way their bodies curved elegantly, as sweet as a flower.
But the confusion set in when Exer started to look at his best friend’s way and shudder with a heavy heart.
David had morning glory flowers as eyes. When his eyes met his, everything felt calm. Like an ocean wave crashing down onto him, kissing his skin with droplets.
Sometimes, he would feel that strong desire. The strong desire to cough up his thoughts and feelings, to plaster them in his hands and show it to the other, hoping for some miracle for the boy to show a bit of affection back to him.
A miracle so strong that his love would be mutual. For the miracle to bless him a kiss on the lips, smothering love to him back.
Exer couldn’t believe how much he wanted to believe. How much he wanted to believe the boy next to him loved him for only a fraction. If only David could just read his mind. If only he could hear the chants of agony and desperation in his mind.
Please.
Please.
Please—
“Is it odd?”
A silence overtook them both. Exer’s lips stilled. He didn’t mean to speak.
For a moment, he noticed the tension in the fabric of the sheets. How the fabric shook, dented from the other next to him. He couldn’t bare to just notice the existence beside him, even though he was extremely aware.
He couldn’t speak.
“What?”
David had spoken up after a few seconds. An uncertain tone plagued his tongue, causing a stutter to be let out after his single word.
It felt weird to think that moment was cute.
It felt..
“Is it odd that I like you more than anyone else?”