Work Text:
It’s days like today when Li Ming really needs Heart to remind him that he’s not an idiot.
He cannot for the life of him remember the word for eggs in English. He was trying to find them in the grocery without having to ask. He couldn’t, so now he has to. He was trying to formulate the sentence in his head before going up to someone, saying it over and over to himself. Excuse me, where are the—? But the word for eggs still eludes him.
He sighs heavily and brings out his phone, opening the translation app.
Eggs. For fuck’s sake. It wasn’t that hard.
When he finally musters up the courage to approach someone who he can tell works here from the shirt, he’s surprised to be escorted to the line of transparent, dimly lit doors. They’re refrigerated? No wonder he couldn’t find them before.
Li Ming says a quick thank you to the worker as he holds back a bow, a gesture that wouldn’t be received with the gratitude he means to convey. The worker smiles and nods before continuing on.
He grabs the eggs and feels like falling headfirst into the cold icebox in front of him. All he’s had to say in English today was excuse me, yes, no, where are the eggs? thank you and it’s like he ran a marathon. It’s truly exhausting.
When Li Ming gets back to his apartment and puts away his things, he collapses face-first onto the couch.
He feels a tap on his shoulder just moments later and smiles into the cushion hiding his face.
He turns over and throws his arms up immediately, capturing Heart in a hug. It’s an awkward position; Heart was half hunched over the couch, coupled with the fact that he’s tall in general, but neither one seems to care. He hugs tight around Heart’s shoulders and breathes in his neck. He just showered. The scent of the new body wash they bought is on him.
Li Ming reluctantly releases his grip when Heart taps his arms, tugging slightly. He’s only soothed by the fact that he can look at Heart’s handsome face now, smiling at him as he crouches down to get eye level.
Are you alright? Heart asks him.
Li Ming sighs and then nods minutely, lifting one hand to sign, So-so.
What’s wrong? Heart follows up, reaching to touch Li Ming’s hand and squeezing quickly.
“I’m just,” Li Ming starts verbally, before lifting his hands for his signing to catch up with his mouth, “adjusting. I don’t know if I’m cut out for this. I almost failed Thai, and now this.” He makes a vague gesture. “I just don’t know if I’m good enough to start my English classes next week.”
Heart nods like he understands, before pulling Li Ming’s head between two hands and shaking it gently. Li Ming makes a confused, startled noise before his mouth pulls into a smile. Heart then kisses his forehead, a flutter of his lips against Li Ming’s hair, and Li Ming feels tension slip off of him. Heart’s hands fall, to Li Ming’s dismay, but he clearly has something to say.
You, Heart points to him intensely, are so smart.
Li Ming starts to shake his head, but Heart grabs it again, stilling him. He can’t help but laugh quietly.
Heart pulls out his phone and types him a message. Li Ming’s jacket pocket buzzes, and he watches Heart’s face as he goes to grab it.
H♡
You’re so much smarter than you give yourself credit for
Don’t you know how impressive you are? You’re trilingual!
You’re still learning to speak, but you understand almost everything that’s said to you in English. You use sign language with me, and you get better every day.
Li Ming looks up from his phone to see Heart still there, smiling softly at him.
Yesterday, he points out, I signed the wrong thing and you were so confused.
So? Heart responds, before typing again. The message comes through a moment later.
H♡
You always try your best, even when you make mistakes. That’s something only a clever person would do.
Heart is smirking as Li Ming watches him type the next message.
But now you know how to properly ask for a kiss. It was cute :)
Li Ming feels an embarrassed smile creep up on him, moving to bury his face in his hands. Heart’s hands jump out to resist him from doing so, pulling back against Li Ming’s strength. He’s laughing by the time they’ve ended up tangled on the couch, holding each other hostage from hiding from one another. Even in jest, Li Ming found it impossible to hide himself from Heart. How could he? Heart held the door open.
You should practice, Heart signs to him, their faces close, making it hard for Li Ming to focus.
He trusts that Heart’s eyes are on his mouth when he says out loud, “Practice what?”
Heart smiles, The question you asked me.
Li Ming’s face must be a hundred degrees. He twists his mouth, adjusting before he signs, hardly thinking about it, can I kiss you?
Heart smiles even wider than before, eyes alight. Perfect! he signs, before tapping Li Ming’s shoulder with his fingers in giddy excitement. He pulls away and signs smart over and over, five, six, seven times. Smart. Smart. Smart.
Li Ming is somewhere between flustered and overwhelmed. He’s never heard that word to describe him so many times in one sitting. In fact, he’s hard-pressed to believe anyone ever told him that before Heart did. To Heart, Li Ming was smart because he tried. He was smart because he cared enough to. He wouldn’t trade that for the best grades, for the most flawless grammar in the world.
Flustered, in the end, still wins. He grabs Heart’s hand, smiling and furiously red. He points to his mouth, “So can I or what?”
Heart quits resisting him, face changing into a placid, distracted smile. That was close to Li Ming’s favorite face he wore. Whenever he got that face on him, Li Ming’s heart was something like distant thunder, loud and prophetic. That this would be what it felt like for a long time.
Heart nods softly, and Li Ming, as a clever one does, practices.
—
With the late November air that typically brings celebration back home comes the bone-cold in Rochester.
Li Ming has to buy a winter coat for the first time in his life. Something thicker than a windbreaker for the first time in his life. Heart had helped him pick it out—it was obvious, because it was a pastel blue color that Li Ming probably never would’ve gravitated towards for himself.
But he couldn’t shake the look on Heart’s face when he’d urged him to try it on, and he certainly couldn’t shake the one that came after he’d shrugged it onto his shoulders and stood there, embarrassed, in the eye-catching color and puffy sleeves.
Heart’s face was something close to gleeful. He kept brushing his fingers against his cheek— so cute, so cute — until Li Ming was begging for mercy, saying okay, enough, I’ll get it , as he moved to take it off. The smile stayed with Heart all through the check-out, and Li Ming was a sucker. He’d wear a clown suit outside if it made Heart smile like that (and it would, so he doesn’t say it.)
He’ll admit the pronounced change in climate is jarring to him, though not completely unwelcome. He figures whatever isn’t the unremarkable sameness of home is always more enticing; Rochester is devoid of palm trees, of sticky post-rain heat. What it does have this time of year is what Li Ming wakes up to today: snow.
He rolls over, heavy with sleep wearing off of him. It’s his first chance to sleep in since last week, after work in the morning and night classes for English in the evening kept him busy. His refuge found him two ways: his bed on a Saturday, and the boy next to him in it. Heart was tired too; studying engineering was no joke, even though Heart loved it and did it well. That bore no weight on the fact that it was certainly time-consuming, as Li Ming had seen him completely engrossed for hours at a time. He deserved to catch up on a little sleep. Li Ming tries his best not to shift his weight drastically as he stretches awake, watching Heart’s tranquil expression and drool trail with a small smile. He blinks his gaze over to the window, an instinctual motion, but today it greets him with a different view. The whole world is white.
He sits up too quickly in surprise, before wincing and glancing over to make sure his sudden movement hasn’t awoken the other occupant. Heart stirs slightly but doesn’t open his eyes, so Li Ming breathes out slowly and turns with more forethought, leaning forward to look outside. The trees barely show any color under the layers and snow sticks to the window sill. He finds himself smiling lightly. It’s something he’d only seen in the handful of cheesy romance movies that took place at Christmas time that he’d watched with Heart.
He slips out of bed carefully, checking that Heart is still sleeping, and goes to find his new coat.
He’s prepared by the bed when he starts to see Heart stir in earnest. He pulls at his shoulder lightly to fully get him out of sleep. Heart’s eyes open slowly, a grin growing on his face, before his eyes open a little wider at the sight of Li Ming sitting there in his coat. Cute, he signs immediately, fingertips to his face. He sits up only slightly, Why are you wearing it?
“Look out the window,” Li Ming says, dragging his fingers from his eyes to the window that sits just beyond Heart’s shoulders.
With a small, puzzled frown, Heart listens, turning to look outside. When he faces Li Ming again, his face has changed entirely. He lights up the dimly lit bedroom with a smile that reaches his eyes, excitement clear in his features. He lifts his hands and lowers them in a movement that falls gracefully.
“Snow?” Li Ming repeats as a question, never having seen the sign. He tries replicating it. Heart nods, doing it with him. Snow.
Heart then bumps his hands against the bouncy sleeves of Li Ming’s coat, moving to get out of the bed. Let’s go , he urges, pulling Li Ming to stand with him. Come on, beckoning with his hands. Li Ming laughs to himself at the way he was the prepared one for once, and now Heart is in a hurry.
Li Ming watches Heart quickly bundle up, zipping his coat as far as it will go. He turns to walk out, but Li Ming tugs his harm, wagging a finger at him. “Not so fast,” he says, pulling out the close-fitting hats they’d gotten as well, “Your ears will fall off.”
Heart rolls his eyes with a grin, reaching for the hat. Li Ming yanks back.
I’ll do it, he signs, motioning for Heart’s head to meet his hands. Heart complies, lowering to Li Ming’s waiting palms that held open the edges of the hat. Li Ming slips it onto his head, tugging down at the sides and making sure it covers the tips of his ears. He pushes some hair out of the way, readjusting it. He does everything he can think of to make an ordeal out of it, to make it so he doesn’t have to let go, even when Heart gives him a funny look. He smooths it down one last time, breathing out “cute,” without thinking about it, the hat pressing hair into Heart’s eyes. When he finally, reluctantly, pulls away, Heart intercepts him to grab the other hat from on top of the dresser, pointing to Li Ming as he folds it open.
“Okay,” Li Ming hums, conceding quickly. He leans forward and allows Heart to put the hat on him in turn. Heart also messes with the edges and tugs at strands of hair unnecessarily, smiling as he retreats and gives a thumbs up. “Let’s go?” He raises his eyebrows, pointing to the door. Heart nods, grabbing Li Ming’s hand and leading them down the stairs.
The chill is bitter and unforgiving, a slight wind harshening its effect, but Li Ming is too in awe to care. He watches as Heart looks up at the flurries coming down from window panes, smiling when they spin. He’s seen this one in movies as well; he scoops a handful of snow into his hand and tosses it at his unsuspecting boyfriend. He looks unnerved at first, before he realizes it was Li Ming who’d thrown it, and Li Ming laughs as Heart’s face shifts into a mischievous smile. He grabs a snow pile of his own and Li Ming raises his hands in immediate defense, trotting backwards. A cold burst gets him in the left arm. “Oh, I see,” he mumbles, rummaging to pick up more snow and pack it tighter.
They get through about two and a half more snowballs before they come tumbling down to the ground, half on top of each other and laughing wildly. Li Ming clears his lungs of the laughter, cold air past his lips as he sits up and taps Heart’s head, his hat now covered in snow.
“Let’s do this,” he says, waving his arms back and forth in the air. Heart seems to get his meaning, grinning widely, and they flop down and outstretch their arms and legs at once, clothes almost numb to the cold. Snow angels, just like in the movies.
–
Something felt admittedly different about kissing when solitude was guaranteed.
All his life, Li Ming never truly felt like he had privacy. The closest he ever came to it was at Heart’s house, late nights on the couch with a movie playing. Even then, when he’d get caught up in watching Heart’s face, subtle dreams in the back of his mind conjuring up the image of their mouths slowly meeting under the bluish glow of the television screen, it was ruined by the fear that his parents would come back from their dinner early. Even their New Year’s kiss had been observed.
Living together in an apartment, with expanses of oceans and continents between them and home, would create a notable shift. He just hadn’t expected to feel it so acutely. So intensely.
He was reminded of it whenever he was in the kitchen and Heart would sneak up on him, kissing the side of his face, his neck. Reminded of it further whenever those saccharine moments changed color, and he allowed himself to be held against a countertop and kissed deeply.
No one could see them here. No one could interrupt, barge in, question, rummage. This was all theirs. Even with only the first minuscule tastes of adulthood on their tongues, Li Ming was slightly hooked.
There was an incomparable feeling of intoxicating peace that came with the right to desire openly. When it was just him, Heart, the four walls of their room, and a window that let the light in just enough to know some semblance of the outside still existed. It was still there. The world, that is. Li Ming found it nice sometimes, though, to pretend that their bed was a little floating rock somewhere.
Such as now. Now was a good time to pretend the outside didn’t exist, because inside was everything. Inside was Heart’s mouth on his and hands tracing timidly under clothes. Li Ming’s head is spinning. It’s bad. He wants something he can’t quite name or articulate, but it’s there. The feeling of excitement like the ripples of a creek rising from dormancy in his stomach.
He thinks maybe this is the furthest they’ve gone so far. His shirt is almost entirely gone, to the point that he thinks it’s silly to keep it, but moving to take it off would require that they stop kissing, and he’s in no mood to do that either. Either Heart was a really good kisser, or Li Ming was just really in love with him. Both, his mind vaguely supplies, is probably the correct answer.
To his surprise, it’s Heart who decides the pause is worth it. He sits back just slightly and then tugs at Li Ming’s shirt collar, eyebrows raised in question. Permission. Li Ming nods, eyes still locked on Heart’s mouth—because he’s turning into an absolute animal, living like this; there’s only so much a young man can take— and they both go for it at the same time. He laughs as their arms knock together, heart skipping at the sight of Heart’s wide smile.
“Go ahead,” he says as he makes an accompanying gesture, motioning to his shirt and staying still with his arms up.
He catches a glimpse of Heart with his lip between his teeth and he’s shaken up by the reminder that Heart is eager for him too. That they’re young and in love and they’re alone. And this is their room. And it’s colder outside than he’s ever experienced in his life, but he’s warmer in his heart than ever before at the very same time. He thinks, for the most pronounced second he’s ever felt it, that he’s grateful he’s here. To be alive.
Careful hands lift the shirt up and off, and the newfound exposure isn’t scary to him as he might’ve imagined it would be. All he feels is the buzz of delight and anticipation, and the fear is an afterthought. Fear has always been an afterthought since meeting Heart.
Beautiful, Heart signs to him. A gesture that brushes around his face and extends outward. Li Ming can feel it like doing so casts the word onto him.
“Can I?” Li Ming asks, signing along with his words, before gesturing to Heart’s own shirt, touching the fabric between his fingers in one quick motion.
Heart’s nod is quick and enthusiastic. Li Ming feels a smile break out on his face. His hands are shockingly steady in their work to get Heart’s shirt off of him, like Li Ming’s mind can finally find focus and quiet now, of all times. Things like this were always described like they left people in pieces, a garbled mess. He is, at least, in his heart and chest, spinning like crazy. But his head’s the clearest it’s ever been.
That’s why he thinks he can so seamlessly reproduce the sign, Beautiful, as he looks at Heart in a new way. He means it. Heart is incredibly beautiful. No boyfriend before him, his ass. Who couldn’t see what Li Ming saw? He supposes he should be grateful, considering it means Heart could be his. It’s just a little baffling to him.
Heart’s face practically splits in two with his smile at the word. The smile serves to remind Li Ming that he would like to start kissing again. He leans in, and there’s something different about it with fewer clothes. He feels like all of these things should be obvious (all alone equals feels different, no shirt equals feels different), but they don’t quite become perceptible until they’re already happening.
The kiss gets heavy, and Li Ming is breathing hard. He can tell Heart is too. He curls fingers into Heart’s hair, and he doesn’t know why, but that feels like such a wonderful thing to do while kissing. A sense of balance, maybe. Then Heart reciprocates, a hand sliding up into his, and he decides he might’ve been wrong about that. It knocks him off balance, if anything. It makes him want more.
He thinks they really might be getting there, too, because the hands and the teeth and the skin are all he can feel, and there’s a sort of push-and-pull motion happening between them that he thinks would evolve, but he doesn’t get the chance to test the theory. Heart is pulling away.
Disappointment comes first, though it gets clouded slightly by the magnificent image in front of him, a Heart that’s gone red in the face and gotten his hair messed up. Li Ming is the one who messed it up. A small swell of pride comes through him.
But all of that gets overshadowed by a pit of doubt that opens up within him, because Heart is stopping them. Was Li Ming getting too into it? Heart wouldn’t have known about the embarrassing sounds Li Ming knows he was making, but maybe the way he was kissing and touching him just gave him away anyway. Maybe it was too much too fast.
Okay? Li Ming questions, and is relieved if only slightly when Heart grins and nods.
Can we talk? Heart asks.
Li Ming nods resolutely, following Heart’s motions as the other boy shifts down to lie on his side on the bed. Li Ming lays on his own side, facing him, head propped up in his arm. This, at least, is familiar territory for them. He’d laid in Heart’s bed like this at home on countless mornings, watching his face while he slept, watching his eyes study him. Their fingers and their feet having their own separate conversation, dancing quietly. It was the most intimate thing Li Ming had ever known, until now.
“Did I do something wrong?” Li Ming asks out loud, keeping his eyes on Heart.
Heart’s expression changes quickly, eyebrows pulling together. He shakes his head, leaning forward to press one quick kiss to Li Ming’s cheek. He holds up a finger, wait, before leaping from the bed to grab something. When he comes back, he’s brought his phone, open to the notes app. Li Ming understands. This is a talk.
Heart types something and then hands the phone to him.
I’ve never done this before, it reads.
Li Ming snorts and grins to the side. No shit, neither of us have had boyfriends before, he types, passing it back.
Heart makes a face, something that meshes exasperated and embarrassed and amused. I know, but still!
Li Ming looks at Heart for a second. The pink sheen in his features is still subsiding. God, if he didn’t know full well that this was an important conversation, he’d be back on him. He didn’t even know you could want to kiss someone so much. If you want my review, you were doing great so far.
Heart smiles shyly as he reads it. There are just a lot of things I’m unsure about. And a lot of things that I think have changed because of losing my hearing.
Li Ming reads the words and knows it’s silly that he hadn’t really considered it. Like how?
The communication, Heart’s response reads, Knowing that I can’t hear you tell me if something is good or bad, having to pause for everything. It just makes me lose my nerve.
Li Ming understands. He supposes a lot of emphasis is put on what’s said, what can be uttered in any given heat of the moment, but it wouldn’t work like that. It didn’t bother him any, though. He’d gladly do whatever it took to make the message clear to Heart that he liked it (or didn’t, as it were). You don’t have to worry about that. I will do whatever you need. We can have our own way of telling each other what we want. And we don’t have to know what that is yet.
Suddenly, Li Ming is feeling surprisingly wise. Uncle Jim would be proud. Independence really was good for him.
Heart grins again at the words, nodding slightly. I know. I just wanted to tell you what I was feeling. I liked everything we were doing.
Li Ming feels the heat in his face. Me too.
And I’d like to do more. Heart’s face looks so hesitant when Li Ming looks up from reading the message, Li Ming thinks he’s going to die.
Instead of cardiac arrest, he writes for a second time, Me too.
He’s buzzing again. The feeling had been placed on the back burner for serious conversation time, but it was creeping back up slowly with the exchanged words. It felt even more strangely intimate to put language to it.
And of course, Heart has to drive in the nail. There’s one thing that really annoys me, though.
Li Ming, instead of typing, just looks up and signs as he speaks, “What?”
Heart plucks the phone from his hand again, typing almost like he wants to get it over with, then handing it back to him. I don’t get to hear what you feeling good sounds like.
Li Ming is in disbelief. His mouth falls open just slightly, and the creeping is back, fluttering in his stomach and chest and searing his brain. When he looks over, Heart’s face is covered by his hands, and Li Ming can’t help but let out a startled giggle. He jostles his shoulder, shyness overtaking his every nerve ending.
He pries at Heart’s hands until he gives in, finally showing his face, scrunched up in embarrassment. Li Ming holds up the phone at him with one hand, juts out the other to tickle under Heart’s chin with the other, “Really? Really?”
Heart shakes his head, trying to hide his face again, but Li Ming won’t let him, gathering his wrists and holding them still. Heart is smiling but fighting it, still scrunching ashamed eyes. Li Ming needs him to get over it soon, because he’s going to kiss him so much that they’re both dizzy by the end of it.
Heart pulls at his hands in Li Ming’s grip, shooting his eyes towards the phone that had fallen next to them in the bed. Li Ming releases him.
I’m sorry, Heart signs, frowning dramatically.
For what? Li Ming signs back, whispering the words.
Heart grabs the phone. I don’t know what possessed me to say that, Heart writes.
Can’t take it back now, Li Ming responds, shooting his eyebrows upward. He plucks the phone again before Heart can say anything. I think there are other ways for you to know what I’m feeling.
Heart looks confused and a little curious. Li Ming smiles slightly, a light bulb shining above his head. He takes one of Heart’s wrists again, placing his fingers at the base of his throat. His heartbeat is thundering, and he knows Heart can tell. He leans down, keeping Heart’s hand right where he wants it, before kissing him again. This one is slow and sensual; at least, as much as he can intend for it to be, fumbling and uncharted as it all was. Even though he was making a point, the new contact genuinely elicits a hum from the back of his throat, and he can feel Heart inhale in between.
He pulls away slowly and keeps their faces close. Time feels like it’s turning leisurely around them now. He wants this moment to last forever, gentle and unbroken in his hands. Like the placement of Heart’s fingertips against his vocal cords. He can see something new in Heart’s eyes that wasn’t there before, and it’s electrifying, like he’s discovered a precious gemstone.
“See?” Li Ming says, smiling. “Did you feel it?”, he asks, attempting to sign it, unsure if he’s getting it completely right.
Heart looks mesmerized, and it zips a feeling up Li Ming’s back. He didn’t know you could feel so many new things in one day. Heart nods, signs back, I could feel it. A small pause, and then, I’m happy.
The words practically crush Li Ming. He’s almost forgotten now that he was on the precipice of arousal for the last hour; now he was so overcome with emotion he could cry. I’m happy too.
Heart shoots up to quickly kiss him once, sweetly this time, on the mouth. He writes something else on the phone. Maybe later we can talk about some ways to tell each other what we want? If you want to.
Li Ming smiles. I want to.
Okay. Can we keep kissing for now, though? Heart’s face is expectant as Li Ming reads.
Li Ming lets out an airy laugh, typing, I thought you’d never ask, before turning the phone towards Heart’s face. Once he can tell from the other boy’s smile that he’s read it all, he tosses the phone to the side and flips them over.
–
Miraculously, they find a small river that’s not frozen for Loy Krathong.
Their floats are only slightly more elaborate than the one they placed in Heart’s backyard bucket a year ago, but it meant just as much to Li Ming.
I told you, he’d said to Heart, that we’d float a basket on the river this year.
I never doubted it, Heart had responded, you pinky swore.
He watches Heart now as he brings the float close, eyes shut as he makes his wish. He hopes Heart’s wish from last year came to fruition. Maybe it was this; to finally leave home, to finally have something for himself. Maybe it was something Li Ming could never guess. Whatever it was, he hopes Heart got it. He hopes Heart gets everything he could possibly want for a long time.
And as he watches Heart slowly open his eyes, dim moonlight and lights from across the river keeping them from darkness, he knows his own certainly did.
He closes his eyes, bows his head, and makes this year’s wish. He shuffles his hand around in his pocket to find his lighter, handing it to Heart first. He watches him set the candle alight, holding one hand against the flame to keep it from going out. Heart passes him the lighter, and Li Ming does the same. With one last shared glance and smile, they set off the floats into the water.
Their hands find each other as the twin twinking flames get smaller and smaller. Li Ming leans in to kiss the side of Heart’s face; Heart feigns shyness, then kisses back.
Li Ming thinks this is the happiest he’s ever been; the least that heaviness has weighed on his soul. But the lights of Loy Krathong make him desperately homesick.
He uses the hand that’s not intertwined with Heart’s to take out his phone, using his thumb to slowly type out a message.
Hey, Uncle Jim. Happy Loy Krathong Day. Hope your wish comes true. How is P’Wen? Tell him Heart and I say hello. I’ll call you later. Love you.
–
“Hi, Mom,” Li Ming waves from the background, appearing over Heart’s shoulder. Heart’s mother smiles widely at him, waving back.
“Li Ming, how are you, darling?” Heart’s mom asks through the laptop screen. “You look healthy. Do you like America?” Li Ming grins at the way Heart’s mom is still signing along with her words as she talks to him. She’s made a lot of improvement in the last stretch of months, and the difference is clear. Especially in the way Heart smiles at her, something Li Ming from last year never would’ve seen.
“I’m good. We’re both good. It’s very different from home, but we both like it,” Li Ming responds, placing a hand on Heart’s shoulder and squeezing lightly.
“I’m glad,” Heart’s mom tells him, “Heart tells me you’re doing great at work.”
“I’m trying my best,” Li Ming responds, before reaching to wrap his arms around Heart’s shoulder, “and Heart is doing really well in his engineering program.”
“I know all about it,” Heart’s mom says, and Li Ming can see Heart’s face get shy in the small corner screen where their faces are visible. “I feel like it’s been forever since we talked!”
Li Ming sees Heart make a face at that, which makes him laugh. Forever to Heart’s mother was last week. They had made an arrangement to do video calls on a regular basis, and it took fighting tooth and nail for her to agree to a weekly call rather than a daily one. He thinks Heart doesn’t mind it, though, because as much as he loved the new life they were starting, he missed the repairing one he’d left at home with his parents as well.
“Any plans tonight?” Heart’s mom asks.
Going to see a movie, Heart tells her. Li Ming chimes in, “And going to see Christmas lights!”
“That sounds wonderful. Which movie?”
They exchange words just a little while longer, before Li Ming taps Heart’s shoulder to get his attention, I’m going to let you two talk. Heart nods, giving his hand a squeeze as a send-off. He waves one last time to Heart’s mom before retreating.
A while later, Heart comes into the room after hanging up with his mother. He sits next to Li Ming, bumping his leg and setting a head on his shoulder.
Li Ming smiles and lets him stay there for a moment, feeling no need to ask why. They stay like that until Heart shifts to send Li Ming a message on his phone.
H♡
I never thought I’d be here with you.
Li Ming looks up from his phone, What do you mean?
H♡
Do you remember the night near Christmas you took me to the church, and I met other deaf people?
Li Ming looks into his eyes and nods, Of course.
H♡
That same night, I found pamphlets you left about the work-study program here. I remember that being like a punch in the gut.
As Li Ming looks at him, a twisting feeling of retrospective guilt grows in his chest.
H♡
I thought I was going to lose the one really good thing in my life. I thought I’d never see you again.
Li Ming feels the heaviness of oncoming tears start to materialize behind his eyes, but he pushes it back.
H♡
Because back then, I still wasn’t talking to my parents. I never thought they would understand or listen to me. I thought I’d be stuck in my house forever, and you wouldn’t even be there to bring any light to it.
But talking to my mom just now, I thought about that night. I’m really glad my parents and I can talk like we used to now. And that I get to be here with you.
Li Ming drags the back of his hand across his eyes and straightens, leaning over to grab Heart in a hug. He holds him there, Heart’s head tucked into his neck. He can’t remember the last time his tears were ones of joy.
–
With the coming of spring comes a new companion.
Li Ming realizes there’s something happening when it starts taking Heart almost twice as long to get home after the time his class ends. It all becomes clear when he walks with him one afternoon he isn’t scheduled for work.
Their apartment complex is home to a stray cat.
It’s a ginger-speckled one with light green eyes. Now that the snow is gone and the ass-freezing cold of Rochester has now only become teeth-chattering, it makes sense that they would finally see one out and about.
Heart has fallen in love with it. Li Ming could almost feel threatened.
They’re walking back to their place when the cat appears from behind a potted plant in the courtyard. Heart immediately tugs Li Ming’s hand, pointing to it. He pulls him over and then crouches down, extending his hand out to the feline. It brushes its nose against Heart’s knuckles tentatively, before accepting his invitation and rubbing its head completely against his hand, circling his legs closely and around his back again. It seems to be familiar with him.
Li Ming crouches down next to Heart. “You know this cat?” he asks, pointing to it.
Heart nods, moving to type something for him. She’s been here for a couple of weeks. I think she’s a stray or an outdoor cat. I gave her food a couple of times. She’s sooooo cuuuteeee.
Li Ming grins at Heart’s cutesy way of typing about it. Makes me miss Jimbo, he responds.
Heart nods, petting the cat’s head lightly. He motions for Li Ming to do the same as she inches closer. He slowly holds out his hand, waiting. She sniffs him and lightly bumps him, circling back to Heart afterwards. He can’t tell if he’s gotten approval or not. Heart snickers quietly.
He’s alright as he is, anyway. He’s content watching Heart enjoy the cat’s company, smile never falling as he curls his fingers under her face, lets her knead lightly as his thigh, distract her and get her on her feet when she starts to go too hard. He knows Heart could sit here all day with this cat, and Li Ming could sit here all day watching him.
His admiring reverie is broken when Heart’s head comes up to look at him, smiling between Li Ming and the cat. “What?” Li Ming prompts.
Heart sends him a message.
H♡
We should get a cat.
Li Ming smiles and breathes out through his nose. He would love a cat, in all honesty. He missed Jimbo, and though she wasn’t technically his cat, he felt a sort of protectiveness of her, and he felt so responsible when he was the one to fill her food bowl. Still, he can't help but think they have too much of their own establishing and growing to do before they can take care of another living thing.
The smile on Heart’s face as he scratches between the cat’s ears could almost sway him anyway Heart’s finger commanded, though.
That would be nice, Li Ming answers a moment later, Maybe next year?
Heart seems content with this answer, nodding and looking at him with happy eyes. Li Ming reaches out his hand towards the cat once more, to see if him sitting there so close to Heart has won her over yet.
She leans into his hand completely and rolls onto her back, purring lightly.
–
Li Ming is a disaster.
He’s convinced of it, anyway, as he fumbles with trying to get the meal he’s preparing to come together in time for the guest’s arrival. The prospects of that happening were currently poor.
After the semester break rolled around, Heart decided to invite a group of his new friends from his program over for dinner. Heart had fit in almost seamlessly from the beginning, excited to have community and an education with him in mind. Everyone liked him; not that Li Ming was surprised, but he was so goddamn relieved that Heart was happy. Now he’s going to make a fool out of him. Please meet my boyfriend. He burned down our kitchen.
In all transparency, he’s being dramatic. There’s nothing wrong with the food, and he hasn’t caught anything on fire. He’s getting tripped up with ingredient substitutions and recipe doubling– really, he just wants to impress Heart’s friends.
Get it together, Li Ming, he tells himself over the hot oiled pan, you were raised by the Chicken Rice Uncle, damn it, you know a thing or two about food.
Channeling the lulling afternoons when he’d cut the chicken for his uncle’s shop and wished he were anywhere else, a sense of comfort comes over him. It’s what he knew, like it or not. He can practically feel the Pattaya breeze coming in the open doors, always welcoming customers, always taunting him. Hot steam, frying pans, knives, and the smell of chili and coriander. The restaurant wasn’t there anymore, and he was here and his life was different now; but that would always be a part of home.
No more funny business. He scraps his original plan. He would give Heart’s friends the best plate of chicken and rice they’d ever had.
He’s so engrossed in it that the time passes by undetected. Before he knows it, he’s being tapped on the shoulder, turning to find Heart there, handsome in a button-up shirt.
You look nice, Li Ming signs with an up-and-down look, making a face of approval. Heart flushes, looking at the ground with his quirk-lipped smile, and Li Ming bites back the urge to tease him further. Hot oil was everywhere; they could really start a fire if Li Ming wasn’t careful.
My friends are here, Heart tells him, gesturing to their living room. Li Ming feels nervousness bundle in his stomach again.
Is that why you’re all dressed up? Li Ming asks, a slight side eye.
Yes, Heart teases back. Li Ming rolls his eyes, smiling as he stirs. Heart taps him again. You’re making chicken rice?
“Mm.” Li Ming nods. Heart grins, getting out his phone. Li Ming’s pocket buzzes, and he carefully switches positions with his hands to grab it.
H♡
I didn’t think I would see that again
I always thought you looked so cute when you cooked :)
Li Ming bites back a grin, waving his hand at him. Go entertain your guests, smooth guy. He writes back.
H♡
They want to meet you. Do you need help?
Li Ming turns on voice text and sets the phone on the counter to free his hands, “No, I’ve got it, just wait a few more minutes and I’ll serve it.”
H♡
I’m getting plates.
Li Ming lets out a sigh as he watches Heart curve around him and get into their dishware cabinet, grabbing a stack of plates and small bowls.
“Thank you,” he says softly into his phone, admitting defeat. Heart kisses his jaw on the way out, cradling the dishes with two hands. Li Ming mumbles something incoherent and lovey-dovey to himself as he makes the last of his sauce.
Li Ming carries out his food and one last ounce of unease comes over him as he sees Heart’s friends waiting around their small dining table. The four of them and Heart chat around the table in sign language, and Li Ming isn’t quite there in his skill level yet to passively catch everything they’re saying, but whatever it is makes Heart laugh, so he smiles as he sets the food on the table. Everyone turns to him when the motion alerts them that he’s there.
Heart beams at him and stands up, coming to stand next to him. Li Ming watches Heart’s hands as he signs to his friends. Pointing to Li Ming, touching his fingers together, then pointing to himself. This is my boyfriend.
Li Ming waves to everyone and does a sign he’s more than comfortable with by now, My name is Li Ming. He finger-spells the anglicized version as closely as he can. Everyone smiles and greets him in return, and he feels a million times lighter.
He’s a good cook, Heart tells them as they both take their seats, He worked at a restaurant in Thailand.
This earns him some impressed faces. He accepts humbly as he lightly shoves Heart’s foot with his own, which Heart only smiles at him for. He brings out his phone and voice texts him: “You’re going to get everyone’s hopes up.”
Heart shakes his head, amused as he writes back: Not possible. You’re too good.
They begin to eat (and Li Ming won’t kid himself, it’s not Uncle Jim’s, but it’s damn tasty), and Li Ming becomes acquainted with Heart’s new friends. Some are from New York originally, others not. There are a few differences between the sign language he learned from Heart and what they generally use here, but Heart helps him fill in any gaps. He especially lets him know when they tell him his food is delicious, or that they make a good-looking couple. He doesn’t know how to respond besides thank you, which feels inadequate, when really what he wants to say is that he’s grateful they’ve given Heart a space to belong, to be himself. It’s all he could ever want for him, because who he was deserved to be loved entirely.
Heart’s friends stay for hours, and when they eventually head home (and promise to come back, as long as Li Ming makes the meal), Heart helps him with the dishes. Li Ming is drying the one of the last of the plates with a cloth when his pocket buzzes. He sets the dish on the drying rack and pulls it out, not before missing Heart looking at him from next to the sink.
H♡
They really liked you.
Li Ming smiles at the message, chest filling with the brightness of relief. Thank goodness. I was so nervous. I like them too. I’m glad you met them.
H♡
Me too.
I’m glad I met you.
Li Ming looks up in slight surprise. The sincerity in Heart’s eyes when he does is enough to make an army fall. He tilts his head back down to his phone, indicating he has more to say.
H♡
I sometimes wish I’d met you sooner.
The air leaves Li Ming’s lungs for a moment. He can never decide how he feels about this, whenever it crosses his mind. He knows they wouldn’t have been as lonely for as long if it had been that way. But to Li Ming, it didn’t quite matter who they were before, or how things used to be. They met when they met, shattered alcohol at their feet and animosity that so quickly blossomed into love it made Li Ming’s head spin. He wouldn’t change it. Wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Li Ming had made a Loy Krathong wish two years ago. Before he met Heart, before he ever knew he existed. In the midst of teenage confusion and failing classes, between his friends attempting to set him up with girl after girl, even when he expressed disinterest after disinterest. I want to know what it’s supposed to feel like to love someone. I don’t understand it and I want to. He was starting to lose all hope that he would know tenderness like that; his parents didn’t work out. His uncle was gay and never really told him outright, never really got into why he opened the chicken restaurant to begin with. His friends saw something in people that he just didn’t . He thought there was something wrong with him.
Heart was a dream come true in every sense of the phrase.
“I’m glad we met when we did,” he says into his phone, “I’m glad we’re here now.”
Heart reads his words from across the kitchen, and just as quick, he crosses it and wraps Li Ming in a tight hug. Li Ming gets over his initial shock almost instantly, wrapping his arms around Heart’s shoulders and folding fingers into his shirt, settling into Heart’s hand resting on the back of his head. He can’t say how long they stay like that, embracing each other in their small kitchen in their small apartment in upstate New York. However long it is, it’s not enough before Heart pulls away, just enough distance to look at one another.
Thank you, Heart signs, and Li Ming doesn’t need to ask what for. He simply says it back. He’s surprised again when Heart kisses him, further still when he realizes it’s a passionate one.
He inhales deeply when Heart backs away, whose gaze is drawn down to him. He takes out his phone and sends Li Ming a message.
H♡
I’m hungry for something that’s not chicken rice now.
Li Ming hopes his eyes don’t go wide enough to be obvious. He swallows, heart stuttering. Clearing his throat and mustering his confidence, he grins as he puts the voice text to his lips. “I wonder what that could be.”
He pinpoints the moment Heart reads it, shoving his phone back in his pocket, kissing Li Ming across his face, cheek, nose, forehead, mouth, before pulling him by the arm out of the kitchen. The last plate in the sink could wait. This was home, after all. Part of it, at least. Wherever the other one was.