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Noel choked back tears as Mischa’s song finished. The song for Talia. The song for him, though the name was different. Though he knew the song was for him, he could see it in Mischa’s loving, apologetic glances throughout the song, it still hurt to hear his codename instead of his real one. He had said it was okay, and it was, he knew firsthand how cruel Uranium city could be, but it didn’t make it hurt less.
When they first started dating Mischa wasn’t out. He had a reputation to uphold, so together they created Talia, Mischa’s online Ukrainian girlfriend. They made her just believable enough, basing her on one of Mischa’s childhood friends and using her photos. She, of course, knew what they were doing and was more than willing to help them. Noel could play along if it meant keeping Mischa safe. He knew how dangerous being out in Uranium could be, he had suffered through it for years and would do anything to avoid Mischa having to go through the same things he did.
Mischa looked at him after the song, breathless, with tears pricking his eyes, and Noel offered him a small smile. All of this was beyond fucked up, they knew that, but somehow this hurt more than everything else they had endured in that godforsaken warehouse. That sentiment seemed to be shared with the rest of the group as they all looked more upset than Noel had seen them all night.
“Why all the long faces?” Karnak’s voice boomed from the corner, shaking them all back to the present. “Would it help if I showed you the truth about Mischa’s love?” Mischa stepped forward, towards the machine.
“Yes, please show me,” he said, and Noel quickly intercepted him, scanning Mischa’s eyes.
“Misch, are you sure?” He whispered. Mischa nodded.
“I am ready. I am already dead, cannot get much worse.” He offered a half-smile, which Noel returned as he nodded and stepped out of the way. “Show me,” Mischa directed Karnak.
“As you wish,” Karnak responded and the wall behind them lit up.
-
Mischa gently cupped Noel’s cheek and pulled him in for a sweet, tender kiss, the first kiss the two had shared. It wasn’t what Noel was expecting when he imagined his first kiss, but he quickly decided that he was okay with that as long as he got to feel Mischa’s soft lips against his for the rest of his life. All too soon MIscha pulled away, his eyes searching Noel’s.
“Poet, are you okay?” He asked, and Noel nodded.
“Yes, Misch, I’m okay,” he answered.
“You like kiss?”
“Yeah, I’d like to do it again if you do,” Mischa smiled without answering and just pulled Noel in for another kiss.
-
Their first official date was simple, but perfect. A picnic blanket laid out next to the rushing river, far from the prying eyes of Uranium, illuminated only by candles and the stars reflected in the water. Noel lay in Mischa’s lap, and Mischa’s hands found their way into Noel’s hair, gently twisting his fingers through. Both of them stared up at the stars, mesmerised.
“Back home we could see stars from backyard,” Mischa said quietly, as though he didn’t want to disturb the serenity surrounding them. “Was so beautiful. My мама would tell me stories about them when I could not sleep. Made me not scared of dark anymore.” Noel smiled, running his fingertips lightly up and down Mischa’s leg.
“You were scared of the dark?” He asked, unable to keep the gentle laughter from his voice.
“Yes, nothing wrong with that. Am still strong man, the dark is just scary sometimes.” Noel met Mischa’s eyes and his hand found Mischa’s.
“Yes, Mischa, you’re still strong, even if you are scared of the dark. I’ll keep you safe.” Mischa smiled, running his thumb over Noel’s knuckles.
“I know you will, Poet.”
-
MIscha had planned his proposal in detail, how everything had to go down to the last second. He knew they were too young to actually get married, but he needed Noel to know how much he loved him, and what better way to do that than a lifelong promise? He had spent months working in the 7-11 just outside Uranium, putting every penny into a savings account to buy Noel the ring he deserved, a silver twisting band studded with red and black jewels that shone in the light. Of course, like most things in Mischa’s life, things didn’t actually go to plan. He had taken Noel to his favourite restaurant, then a walk along the river where they had their first official date hand in hand, then ice-cream, Mischa had chocolate and Noel had strawberry, though Mischa automatically offered Noel the first spoon of his, as had become their ritual. When Noel got ice-cream on his nose, Mischa kissed it away with a laugh, then Noel grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in for a kiss and all Mischa could think about was how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the beautiful boy right in front of him, now the problem was telling him.
They went back to Noel’s house, his mother was away on a business trip so they had the house to themselves. Mischa poured them each a glass of wine, because tonight was the night to be classy, and they watched The Blue Angel in silence, Noel snuggled deep into Mischa’s side. Finally, the movie ended and they made their way to bed. Noel automatically found his usual spot lying on Mischa’s chest, listening to the other boy’s heart beat steadily against his chest. Mischa pulled Noel impossibly closer and pressed a gentle kiss to Noel’s forehead.
“Marry me, Poet,” he whispered. This was not how he had wanted to ask. He had a whole speech planned, but his mind had gone blank whenever the time had been right. Nothing had gone the way he had originally intended it too. Noel lifted his head off of Mischa’s chest, shock written in his features.
“What, Misch?” He asked.
“Marry me. I love you, I want to spend life with you, whether that is in Ukraine, or France, I would even accept here in Canada if it meant I spend life with you.” Noel’s face broke into a grin as he pressed a fierce kiss to Mischa’s lips.
“Yes, mon amour. I will marry you.” Mischa let out a breath and grinned, wrapping Noel up against him with one arm and reaching for the ring box with the other.
“I got you ring, Poet,” Mischa said, opening the box, and Noel gasped.
“It’s beautiful, Misch. Thank you. I love you so much, my fiance.” Mischa smiled as he slid the ring onto Noel’s finger, knowing that would be the only time Noel would wear it there for a while.
Fiance, he thought, he could get used to that.
-
One month later, Noel rode the cyclone.
Mischa watched as he fell, powerless to do anything to stop the horror that was unfolding in front of him.
Just like that, his fiance was gone.
-
Mischa sat at the glossy black headstone surrounded by roses. He ran his fingers over the silver words etched into the stone. They were not truly Noel, no words could encompass the intricacies of the man Mischa loved. His hand moved away from those words and found the ring, hanging on a chain around his neck. It had been one of the few things they had recovered from Noel’s body. Mischa hadn’t even known that Noel had it with him. Most of the time, as far as Mischa knew, it stayed in its box. They weren’t out yet, so Noel couldn’t wear it. It was too recognisable as an engagement ring for that. Now though, Mischa didn’t care about that. He just wanted to be close to Noel. He spent most of his time in Noel’s bedroom, drinking cheap vodka and watching The Blue Angel over and over again until he could quote it line for line, hoping to find some trace of Noel in the words. He found Noel’s journals, poem after poem, all describing one beautiful man, a man Mischa knew to be himself. He had known Noel wrote poems but had never read one. They were beautiful. The fact that Noel was gone too soon to share them with the world was a tragedy.
He carefully twisted the ring with his fingers, careful not to damage it. His brain wouldn’t slow down, it was just Noel. Noel, Noel, Noel, no matter what. Noel smiling at him, Noel asleep in his arms, Noel’s broken body on the ground. Mischa couldn’t escape it. Life would never be the same, never be colourful again, not without Noel.
For the first time since the accident, Mischa finally let himself cry.
-
Noel was silent, horrified, as the projection faded to black. Tears welled in Mischa’s eyes as he looked from where the screen had been to Noel. He reached out to take Noel’s hand just to reassure himself that Noel was still there. He was real and Mischa could hold him, and that meant that they would be okay, even in this fucked up reality.
Ocean was the first to speak.
“Noel!” She cried. “You didn’t tell me you two were together, let alone engaged.” Noel rolled his eyes, her voice immediately breaking him from his thoughts.
“You would be the last person I’d tell,” he shot back, not taking his eyes off of MIscha for a moment. “You okay?” He whispered. Mischa nodded, before looking past Noel at Karnak.
“I quit,” Mischa said. “If I must go back without Noel, I do not want to go back at all.”
“Mischa Bachinski concedes!” Karnak’s voice boomed, and Noel’s face fell.
“Misch, are you sure?” Mischa nodded.
“Life without you is no life at all, Poet.” Noel smiled.
“I concede,” Noel said, not taking his eyes off of Mischa for a moment.
“Noel Gruber concedes!” Karnak’s voice echoed around them. Mischa met Noel’s eyes then pulled him in for a bone crushing hug. They knew that no matter what came next, they would be okay, because at least in this reality they had each other.
“Are we just going to ignore the fact that Noel didn’t tell me they were engaged?” Ocean shouted.
“Yes!” They both responded in unison, and they didn’t break apart, even for a moment. Finally, in death, they got to be together proudly, and they weren’t going to waste a moment of it.