Chapter Text
“So, uh… Michelle’s seein’ someone…” Ted told Beard nonchalantly on their way to work.
Beard took a moment to reply. The longer his silence went on, the harder Ted’s heart pounded away in his chest. He was hoping his friend wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, trying to make it a throwaway comment, but then again, why would he even say anything if he didn’t care?
“And how do you feel about that?” he finally said in response, his voice carefully expressionless.
Ted’s stomach lurched, the feeling of nausea rolling through him. He hated the way the man next to him chose to respond. He knew Beard was trying to test further on the matter. He shrugged. “Fine.”
“…”
The silence was louder than anything Beard could have said, and he refused to look at him as he continued to walk by his side - refused to say anything. Which… was maybe a giveaway all on its own. He didn’t know. However, he did know that if he risked a glance at him, that would be more telling.
Ted waited two minutes before he spoke again, not wanting to make it obvious he was changing the subject. Of course, he didn’t know why he even bothered… this was Beard he was talking about; the man already knew everything he wasn’t saying. Ted also knew that Beard wouldn’t call him out for it. “So I was thinkin’ before trainin’ today, we could go over some film study..? The match against Crystal Palace on Friday was brutal, and I think goin’ over it again could be beneficial. Ya know, now that we’ve had a few days to try and forget about it…”
He didn’t miss the way Beard slowly turned his head to look at him, eyebrow raised in accusation at what just happened, but just as he expected, the man didn’t call him out verbally. “Whatever you say, Coach.”
Ted took a breath, wishing he hadn’t even brought up Michelle in the first place. “Cool. Cool, cool, cool… I’ll just let Roy know the plan,” he mumbled as he pulled out his phone and began typing away.
Beard didn’t reply.
~*~
It didn’t escape him that Beard was paying more attention to him than he usually did. Once he dropped Rebecca’s biscuits off and returned to his office, Beard’s eyes never seemed to leave him.
Not when they went over the match. (Seriously, he wasn’t even watching the film - though, in his defence, he probably already had the whole thing seared into his brain. He always did seem to have a photographic memory).
Not during practice—training.
Not even after training, when they took a shower in the locker room - which, if it were anyone else, Ted would have been a tad spooked and most likely would have to have an uncomfortable conversation about how he’s flattered, but as the manager of this team, he isn’t interested - but it wasn’t anyone else, it was Beard, and he knew why his friend wouldn’t stop staring at him.
It seemed that ever since Beard missed the panic attacks Ted had a few months back, he was extra vigilant - as though he blamed himself, which was just ridiculous. Ted even told him as much, but it didn’t matter. Beard’s broken: ‘I. Should. Have. Noticed. Ted.’ told him it didn’t matter what Ted said, he wasn’t going to forgive himself so easily, and if staring at him whilst he showered helped on that journey, Ted wasn’t going to complain.
“Ready to go?” Beard asked the moment Ted stepped foot in the office again, buckling his trousers as he went.
He blinked, his hands slowing in their buckling movements. “Uhh… go where?” he frowned.
Beard rolled his eyes. “Home,” he replied like it was obvious - as though Ted was stupid for even questioning him.
“Right… but, uh…” he finished clasping his buckle and then ran a hand through the back of his hair. He stopped himself before he said, we don’t walk home together anymore… and thank goodness because that sounded all types of rude. “Don’t you usually hang out with Jane after work?”
Beard nodded once before slipping his arm through his backpack. “Usually. Not tonight. Thought we could get dinner…” he paused, his eyes darting to the side quickly before returning back to Ted. “And then maybe go over training from today.”
Ted’s lips twitched, his heart squeezing in his chest. “Or we could watch Jeopardy?” He knew his friend just wanted to spend time with him but didn’t want to make it obvious - all things considered. He could make it a little easier for him.
Beard shrugged, but Ted could see the small signs of a smile - of relief that he wasn’t icing him out (a fact which stung Ted deeply, but it was his own fault). “I could go for some Jeopardy.”
“Sounds like a plan, Sebastian Stan! I’m just gonna go up and say goodbye to the boss! Meet you outside?”
Beard gave him a firm nod before disappearing down the hallway. Ted grabbed the rest of his items and turned out the lights before walking up to Rebecca’s office, smiling brightly when he saw she was still there. “Hiya, boss!”
She looked up from her laptop, her glasses perched on her nose, and smiled at him. “Hi, Ted,” she hummed, and he couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness when she reached up to pull her glasses off.
For the best anyway, the blasted things probably would have distracted him. He never could think clearly when she did certain things around him, and wearing her glasses was one of them. “Just thought I’d come up and say goodbye. I wish I could stay longer, but Beard-o is waitin’ for me, and anyways, you’re probably busy doin’ boss things.”
Her face softened as she twisted the glasses loosely in her hands, fidgeting with them as she often did with random items. “That’s very thoughtful of you, Ted.” She paused, something flickering in her eyes that was too fast to catch. “You’ll just have to make it up tomorrow by staying a little longer for Biscuits with the Boss,” she pressed her lips together, and Ted wondered if she was fighting back a smirk.
Regardless, his heart skipped a beat, and he nodded. “Yeah, Yeah! Course, I can do that! Well… best not keep him waiting!” he jerked his head toward the door before giving her a small wave. “See ya tomorrow, honey!”
And if he thought this day couldn’t get any worse…
His eyes widened a bit, he felt frozen in place, and it didn’t help that Rebecca was just staring at him, completely expressionless.
He didn’t even give her a chance to react before he spun on his heels and fled out of the room as fast as he could.
~*~
Rebecca stared at the place where Ted had been standing for probably an hour before she finally moved. Her mind still whirling from the word that slipped out of his mouth, and though the slip-up had made her heart beat at a dangerous speed since it happened, she was almost positive he didn’t actually mean anything by it.
She once heard him call Beard ‘honey’ - hell, she once heard him call Nate ‘sweetie’ (before he betrayed him and all of Richmond, that was).
She took a breath and finally stood up, going over and collecting her bag. Her heart ached when she thought back to the look on his face right after it happened - the mortification and self-blame. And if the way he left the room in a panic was anything to go by, well, it only confirmed her suspicion about being an accident.
She turned out the lights in her office before walking to her car, thinking of ways she could ease his mind because him spiralling or pulling away from her again simply wouldn’t do. Still… she wasn’t sure how to ease his mind without bringing it up, and she knew that by bringing it up and calling attention to it, it would only embarrass him further.
No matter. She was confident she would figure out a way before he came into her office with her daily biscuits tomorrow morning.
And if he tried to avoid her? Well, she would hunt him down. She refused to let him think he had destroyed the connection they were slowly rebuilding.
~*~
Ted ran down the stairs, his insides twisting about, making him feel like he was seconds away from throwing up - or crying - or… well, he didn’t know. No matter all that, he tried to compose himself as best as possible before reaching the carpark.
Which was really wishful thinking. He burst through the doors so frantically that Beard - the very stoic man - actually jumped. “Okay! I’m ready, Freddy!” Ted tried to force lightness in his voice, but his face was all pinched up, his voice was strained and fractured, and his chest was heaving as he gulped in air.
Beard blinked before guilt washed over his face, and Ted hated that- hated that he made Beard think he missed the signs again. “Nope, this isn’t your fault. Stop. I didn’t- I didn’t want you to see- I—” he cut himself off as he looked back toward the door, a thought occurring to him that she might try and follow and nope, nope, nope. That wasn’t going to happen. “We should really head out if we want to beat traffic!” He could kick himself. What traffic, Ted? They were freaking walking!
Beard took a breath, his eyes sad, but he nodded, an understanding that Ted needed to get away from the building. They walked far enough away that Nelson Road was out of sight before Beard spoke. “Ted… I’ve been being patient all day, but you’re…” he trailed off, his lips pressed in a thin line.
Ted knew what he was going to say… you’re scaring me. “I’m fine.”
Beard reached out and grabbed his wrist, his eyes hard. “You’re not fine! You’re practically vibrating! Did something happen when you went up to see Rebecca?”
Ted looked away, his jaw clenching. He wanted to jerk his arm away but didn’t.
Beard sighed heavily and let go of him. A silent way of saying, fine. Have it your way. I won’t push.
In a way, that’s all the push Ted needed to open up. “I—” he looked down and squeezed his eyes shut. “I called her honey…”
Beard blinked. “Who? Michelle?”
“NO!!! Rebecca!” Ted whimpered woefully, feeling as though it was the end of the world.
Beard pursed his lips, his eyes darting around to make sure there were no listening ears. “May I ask why?”
“I didn’t mean to! It just slipped out, and then I ran away like a coward! She’s gonna hate me! Or write me up! Or pull me aside and tell me how unprofessional that was!” he brought his hands up to tug on his hair, his breathing coming out quicker. “I feel sick…”
Beard stepped forward before reaching up to grab Ted’s hands from his hair, holding them gently. “You, my friend, are overreacting. She’s not going to do any of those things. I’m sure she knew it was an accident.” He put one of Ted’s hands on his chest and took deep breaths, holding them in for seven seconds before letting them out for eight - something he had started doing after he found out about Ted’s panic attacks, and Ted knew it was because he read up on tips and tricks to help someone who suffered.
Ted swallowed and slowly started to match his movements, feeling the way Beard’s chest moved against the palm of his hand. When his breathing was close to normal, Beard sighed again and shook his head. “I don’t like how good you’re getting at hiding things from me…” he tilted his head. “This has been brewing all day, hasn’t it?”
He closed his eyes and nodded, knowing that Beard meant his spiral and not him wanting to call Rebecca a pet name.
“I knew it,” Beard mumbled under his breath, a hint of self-degrading underlying it. He let go of Ted’s hands and nodded firmly, clearly having made up his mind on something. “Come on, then.”
Ted sighed and trailed behind him, knowing the conversation wasn’t even close to being over, but Beard wasn’t about to have this conversation in public. As much as he didn’t want to talk about it, he couldn’t help the warmth that bloomed through his chest, grateful to have a friend like Beard.
~*~
Instead of eating at the pub as they had planned, Beard ordered it to go. Ted tried to tell him it was fine, they could stay and have a pint and eat their meal, but Beard gave him a look with an underlying tone of anger, and he knew the man wasn’t going to let him try and wiggle his way out of this one.
The second they stepped foot into Ted’s kitchen, Beard set the food down on the table before turning around and leaning against it, crossing his arms over his chest as he waited for Ted to speak.
“No, stop. Don’t give me that look,” Ted huffed, moving toward the food, but Beard adjusted his body, blocking the path.
Ted groaned in frustration and threw his hands up. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Beard! You want me to tell you that I’ve been a mess all day? That I’ve been tryna hide it from you because I don’t want to burden you, but I’ve been close to spirallin’ the moment Michelle told me she’s datin’ some guy named Brad. That ever since the divorce, I’ve been terrified I’ll never get to call someone an endearment again, and I won’t be called one in return, and her dating now just sort of ignited that fear times ten?????”
Beard’s face softened, and he uncrossed his arms, still leaning up against the table. “You call me endearments all the time, Coach,” he countered gently.
“But it’s not the same! And you don’t ever say it back! I don’t—”
Beard cut him off, a hidden franticness behind his eyes as if he messed up without realising. “Do you want me to? I will…”
Ted groaned. “No… I don’t- I know you’re not comfortable with that sort of thing, and I don’t care that you don’t say them back… I just…” he looked away and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know… her tellin’ me that really just messed with me because it’s like I’m stuck, you know? She’s movin’ on, she’s happy, and I’m still broken she left me to begin with!”
Beard sighed, standing up straight and walking over to him. “You aren’t stuck. You can’t compare yourself to Michelle. It’s different,” he said firmly.
“How…” Ted sniffed, stubborn as ever.
“Well, for starters, she wasn’t in love with you anymore”—Ted flinched at that, but Beard reached out and rested his hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him—“Meanwhile, you still loved her. Of course, you’re going to be heartbroken for a little while and slower at finding another person…”
“But Beard… what if I never do??” he looked up at his best friend with fearful eyes.
“That is impossible,” Beard said firmly.
Ted huffed and shook his head, though there was a smirk on his face. “Says the cynical man. Is my optimism rubbin’ off on ya?”
“No,” Beard deadpanned. “It is impossible because it’s you.” He didn’t expand more on that, but Ted didn’t need him to.
Ted gave him a small smile as Beard walked over to the table to unpack their dinner. After a moment, he groaned and scrubbed his face. “Shoot. What am I gonna do about the boss?”
Since his back was facing him, Ted didn’t see the way Beard rolled his eyes as if Ted was being stupid about the whole thing. Instead, his voice was calm as he shrugged, like the situation wasn’t a big deal. “I would say don’t do anything, but I know that would eat you alive. Just tell her it was a slip of the tongue because it was. There’s no sense making it into a big thing.”
Ted nodded before moving to the table and grabbing his food container, slowly sitting down. “You say that like it’s gonna be easy.”
Beard looked at him, his eyes twinkling in a way that Ted didn’t understand. “Have I ever been wrong?”
He hadn’t.
~*~
The next morning, Ted woke up to the shrill of his alarm, groaning before he turned it off. He took an extra long shower, trying to wash away the anxiety threatening to eat him up. By the time he was at work and making his way up to her office, his pulse was racing, and his hands felt clammy, but he could be brave.
He knocked on her door, pushing himself in after a few seconds, hoping she hadn’t arrived yet. Of course, that was wishful thinking and rarely the way his life worked anyway.
She looked up from her desk, her face expressionless as she stared at him - or maybe he was just seeing things that weren’t really there, he didn’t know.
His left hand clutched the biscuit box a little tighter, as his right hand lifted to wave at her, a sheepish smile on his face as he shuffled further into the room, closer to her desk.
As he set the biscuit box down, he took a breath and ran a hand through his hair, preparing himself mentally. “Look, boss—”
She cut him off, a smile seeping onto her face as she reached for the biscuits. “My knight in shining armour bringing me biscuits when I needed them most! Thank you, dear,” she hummed, opening the box and taking a bite.
Confusion flickered over his face, his head tilted as he stared, trying to make out what in the heck that was about?! It didn’t take long for him to realise she was telling him it was fine without actually bringing it up, and he loved her for it.
He beamed at her, sinking down in his chair and giving her a nod, his heart feeling light and happy as she ate the biscuits he brought her. “Alright, ideal superpower, go!!”
Rebecca grinned right back at him, immediately answering his question, the pair falling into their daily conversations just as easily as they had the day before.