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You are someone I have loved but never known

Summary:

“Your smiles,” he continues, with a gentle smile and shining golden eyes reminiscing on everything good, “whether it's the mischievous grin you wear or the soft smile you gave me. I’d count them…And I'd die on the days you didn’t smile.”

Or

Wukong and Macaque finally have a talk with each other

Notes:

Hello guys im still alive!! This probably wasn't the update ya'll were hoping for but im really proud of this work as this is the final installment of the series! Woo!!

Anyways, i hope u guys have fun reading this series so ye :]

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Fire crackling, quiet chatter, and distant crickets is the only thing he heard.

 

The moon shone and stars twinkled above them but he couldn’t force himself to sleep even if he wanted to. Even though he knows that bitch of a bone demon is gone, he can still feel the intimate frigid chill that he knows isn’t from the cold breeze of the night. 

 

“Hey Monkey King,” a familiar voice calls out as someone warm and inviting sits right next to him on the log. 

 

Wukong couldn’t help but smile at MK, his successor’s mere presence always brought him some comfort. “Hey bud,” he greets back in a light tone, still staring intently at the crackling fire. 

 

And a comfortable silence blankets the two. Although, even without looking, he can practically feel the kid fidget and twiddle his thumb in nervousness. He sighs, breaking his gaze from the fire and turns to offer a smile to the kid. “So what is it?” 

 

MK immediately perks up and suddenly slumps in himself, trying to seem nonchalant. “Oh, nothing! It’s just, uh, you might not like it.” 

 

The kid offers an awkward smile, wincing as he once again twiddles his thumb. 

 

His brows furrow at that. Normally, the kid didn’t have trouble telling Wukong anything considering he practically took the kid as his own. So he once again gives his signature Monkey King smile that always calms MK down. “Aw, bud, you have nothing to worry about. You can say anything and it won’t even phase me-” 

 

“It’s about Macaque.”

 

“Oh.” 

 

His claws instantly curl into a fist at the thought of his once best friend bothering his the kid again. “Is he messing with you again? I swear to Buddha, I'll-”

 

“No!” MK quickly interrupted him before Wukong could so much as stomped to where Macaque could possibly be. MK settles down once more, heaving out a heavy sigh. “It’s not that, it’s just…I'm worried about him. He went into the woods and he’s been gone for a couple of hours now. I know you and him don’t have the best relationship right now, but I think it’s worth a shot for you to talk to him.”

 

He exhales, putting his focus back on the fire. “Kid, I know you have the best interest in everyone, but me and him? We barely tolerate each other. And I don't want to burden you anymore with anything that’s my fault. Especially if it’s my past.”

 

“Maybe, let go? Of that past, I mean.” 

 

As simple as that may be, he knows that’s a difficult thing. Especially with Wukong’s past.

 

He remembers clearly the first time he saw Macaque again, it felt like he could breathe again. He didn't have to breathe–being the immortal that he is–but the image of Liùěr, standing before him, alive, took all the breath in his lungs and put life back into him.

 

Of course, there’s the noticeable change in Liùěr appearance, his once pearl-like fur has turned into an abyss of obsidian matted fur. Yet, Wukong felt the familiarity of this magic, this presence, so without hesitation, he ran to the other–arms wide open, ready to scoop up his best friend and spin him till they were both delirious. What he was met instead was a fist that propelled him back and left a crater to wherever he landed. 

 

He coughed out a laugh, not yet noticing the gravity of the situation just yet. “Missed you too, bud-”

 

“Shut up.”  

 

There was no fondness in Liùěr’s tone nor his eyes, just a deep burning hatred that hissed and lashed along with his shadows that tried to claw and drag him to the ground. 

 

The other celestial monkey reared his fist once more, and Wukong couldn’t help but still see his best friend as someone so ethereal in his own element and domain; dark and terrifying but majestic and mysterious. Then again, he was beautiful in any setting.

 

So Wukong let the other pummel him again and again till he was satisfied. But it was never enough. Even when he pulled his own eye out as an apology, Liù- Macaque held nothing but disgust. And it was clear to the both of them, Macaque would never be content till Wukong took his very last breath as he too bled on the ground, all alone. Just like his moonlight. 

 

From then on, it was a constant battle between two former friends now turned enemies. 

 

Maybe, they were too broken; he was broken. 

 

“I try not to think about my own past,” MK’s voice snaps him back to reality, “It’s not a nice one- and I won't force you to talk about yours, but from what I've learned, letting that past fester rather than cutting it will be a hindrance to your future. The more you let your past take a hold of you, the harder it is to move on.”

 

He pauses, staring in shock at his successor as he mutters, “…When did you get so wise?”

 

MK’s face immediately lights up like a tiny sunshine. “That’s what I've been telling everyone! I’m a smart kid!”

 

Wukong feels his face soften at his kid and he chuckles. “You sure are, bud.” He ruffles MK’s hair for good measure and the kid laughs, trying to push his hands away. “You sure are.” 

 


 

“What do you want?”

 

There he is–the culprit of all his dreams and nightmares is there–sitting at some stump of a tree, watching the light glow of the moon in the reflection of the shallow water beside him.

 

Wukong huffs, pushing past the bushes as he shakes out any leaves stuck to his fur. “So this is where you’ve been brooding off,” he mutters more to himself, then, as if he couldn’t help it, his lips twist into a sharp grin. “Honestly, I'm not surprised considering you do your plays in that rundown theater.”

 

He knows he shouldn’t aggravate or even try to poke at Macaque considering how delicate whatever truce the kid made with the other celestial monkey, but after years of heartache and blood, this was the only song and dance that Macaque’s willing to play along. 

 

On cue, Macaque’s fur bristles, baring his teeth which Wukong only responds with his own shit eating grin. “That rundown theater has more character than you ever will!”

 

“Oh please, that rundown theater wishes it remotely has enough character that I have.” 

 

“Oh, I'm sorry, your majesty,” Macaque practically spits that word out like something foul was left in his mouth, it’s as if he didn’t mutter that title so devotedly eons ago. “Not everyone can be as stupidly rich as you. Yet somehow, you still live in that decrepit tiny shack of yours.”

 

“And how do you know I live in a ‘decrepit tiny shack’? Unless-” Wukong lets out a faux gasp “-you’ve been stalking me.”

 

He takes a firm stance, puffing his chest out and grinning as if he won the argument when all Macaque did in return was roll his eyes at him. 

 

“Really? Stalking you?” Macaque’s tone is coated with exasperation. “I’ve got more important things to deal with than stalking you. And, for your information, your student has been showing me pictures of your house. Kept complaining how everything was so cramped and dusty.”

 

He deflates. 

 

“…I knew I shouldn't have let the kid take pictures.” 

 

Macaque lets out a bark of laughter, strained with something cruel rather than something bright and pleasant. It sounded wrong to Wukong’s ears and he’s all too aware why it sounded so wrong. “Oh, how the mighty have fallen.”

 

He shakes his head, trying to clear the memories of the past from clouding his mind once more. “Yeah, whatever.” A beat passes by and he coughs out, “still not as bad as your shady theater.”

 

“You leave my theater alone!” The other celestial monkey lets out a deep groan, edging on a growl. “Gods, you are such an immature child.”

 

“And you are such an emo downer,” Wukong responds without missing a beat, huffing as he spares a glance to Macaque. “I wonder why the kid even wants you around.”

 

“Just goes to show how much that kid adores me.” Then he flashes his fangs in a mocking grin. “Maybe he’ll even make me his mentor again considering how much his current mentor keeps abandoning everyone he ever cares about!”

 

And Wukong’s fur bristles, baring his own fangs and stepping closer to his once best friend as he growls out, “At least I didn't work for the enemy and got everyone almost killed!”

 

Macaque scoffs, unwilling to back off a challenge with Wukong of all beings, he presses forward. “As if you didn’t do the same exact fucking thing. You may be a hero in everyone’s eyes, Wukong, but you will never be a hero to me. So stop acting like one and show me the real Sun Wukong.”

 

The real Sun Wukong. That phrase alone pissed Wukong even more that he’s sure the glamor in his eyes is giving way to bright furious red. And yet, Macaque doesn’t stand down, if anything, he readies himself as his shadows swirl at his hand, ready to take the command of their master. 

 

His own claws dig deep into the meat of his palm, ready for a chance to break his fist even if it's the being who he used to cherish and even love. When did it get to this point? When was it so easier to fight and beat up his best friend than to hold and embrace him? Why is everything so different between them? 

 

“-but from what I've learned, letting that past fester rather than cutting it will be a hindrance to your future-”

 

The words of his kid hit him like the Lady Bone Demon’s ghosts clawing inside of him, trying to get him under her control but this time he’s met with the familiar voice of his successor. So, he unfurls his fist. 

 

“I’m not going to fight you.”

 

Macaque is only taken aback for a moment, then smooths his expression, stepping closer till they’re a breath away from each other. “Oh, what’s this? The Great Sage Equal to Heaven is scared of a little fight?”

 

He narrows his eyes. “Macaque. Don’t test me right now. The only thing stopping me from fighting you is Mk’s disappointed look in me. And I'm trying to avoid that.” 

 

Then, Macaque pauses, eventually leaning back to assess him, but Wukong stays firm in his stance. He’s not going to fight Macaque for the sake of MK. 

 

“Wow,” Macaque finally responds. “Are you trying to be a mentor or a dad?”

 

Blood immediately rushes to his cheeks. “I- you-” he groans, rubbing his face, trying to hide the furious stained blush on his cheeks. He glares at Macaque. “I hate you.”

 

Macaque rolls his eyes. “Who would’ve known.”

 

Silence envelopes the two beings. It wasn’t a comfortable one, that’s for sure. And the more Wukong stays in the silence, the more antsy and restless he feels while all Macaque did was stare at the pond with a schooled expression. 

 

Wukong huffs, he guesses that was a failed attempt at trying to be civil with Macaque. But at least, he tried without any hands flying or heads rolling so he knows MK would appreciate that. So without any announcement, he turns already planning to get back to the kid when something is caught in his foot, making his whole vision spin as he falls. Into the water.  

 

Liquid instantly gets into his mouth and as he tries to breath in, more water gets in, choking him effectively. He tries to push himself but he feels himself slipping, crashing him once more into the cold muddy ground. He rolls and rolls till he manages to land on a grassy part, where he manages to hack out the water in his lungs. 

 

Then, it hits him. He was actually not drowning. More or less smashed his face into a large puddle and continued to trash around it. 

 

So here he is, absolutely drenched and Macaque is laughing. But instead of the cruel tinge that it usually has when he’s around Wukong, his laugh has an undertone of softness and giddiness that Wukong couldn’t help but be nostalgic. 

 

Heavens strike him down, because he misses those beautiful chimes of laughter and fond smiles. 

 

“What?” Macaque wipes off the tears from his face as his smile still lingers on. And Wukong can’t help but sear that look in his mind. 

 

“It’s…you smiled,” he says, still baffled at the fact he made Macaque laugh and smile. 

 

Macaque snorted, putting a hand on his mouth to stop any more laughter directed at Wukong’s most likely ridiculous expression. “What about it? Too much of an ugly sight for you to bear?”

 

“No. I just miss it,” he honestly admits, feeling himself soften at the image of Liù- no, Macaque.

 

Oh how the mighty have truly fallen. 

 

“…Ok. I think you’re most likely concussed right now.” If Wukong wasn’t so awestruck, he would’ve teased the other for actually sounding concerned for him. 

 

Gods, he’s actually losing it. 

 

“I’m- I’m not!” He stammers. “I just…It’s been a while and I’d…count them. Heavens, I'd count them.” And he stares once more at Macaque.

 

“Wukong-”

 

“Your smiles,” he continues, with a gentle smile and shining golden eyes reminiscing on everything good, “whether it's the mischievous grin you wear or the soft smile you gave me. I’d count them…And I'd die on the days you didn’t smile.”

 

One day, he hopes he can hold Macaque without hurting him. One day, he will lovingly gaze at Macaque's eyes and see no fear in them. But today wasn't that day. 

 

Wukong’s smile immediately drops to a frown. "I'm sorry that you have so much fear in your eyes because of me." 

 

(But that wasn't really the truth. Macaque was overwhelmed with the gentleness and adoration he was getting from the king. He thought he lost it all those centuries ago on that fateful day, stamping out any fleeting hope that he could ever get a smidge of the king's affection. He didn't want to hope, but heaven did it spark every nerve in his body–destroying him in so many ways once again.)

 

"Do you regret it?" 

 

"...Liùěr-" 

 

“Don't,” he hisses. “Don't call me that.”

 

And that stings right at the very core of Wukong’s being. He knows he lost the privilege of calling him by that name a long, long time ago, but it still aches and claws and scratches at him; how much they’ve changed. For the worst, a chilling feminine voice whispers. He has to clench his fist, trying to stop himself from punching the nearest wall he can find. 

 

“…Macaque. Look, I've…gained a lot on my journey, I've grown better as a being, I've had the adventure of a lifetime with people I never thought I'd consider to be my close friends…but I've lost so much.” I've lost you was practically at the tip of Sun Wukong’s tongue but, for some god awful reason, he couldn’t voice it out. He’s not sure if he ever could. “I wish I was kinder. More compassionate. More understanding. Maybe then, fate would grant us a home.”

 

A home where Macaque would be back in Flower Fruit mountain, sleeping the day away and Wukong would have to loudly wake the other up from his slumber so they could go have their own adventures or just cause mischief. Instead, a disgruntled Macaque would pull him back into bed, into the arms of his moonlight. Right where he’s meant to be.

 

And that’s how they’ll spend their lives for eternity. In each other’s embrace. 

 

But something in Macaque trembles, hesitating as he opens and closes his mouth till he manages to utter, “I don’t…believe in such a despicable thing called fate.”

 

And that image that Wukong earnestly builds immediately shatters into dazzling shards of glass. 

 

“Then, do you believe in me?” He didn't know what compelled him to say that but, despite his fears, he looks into Macaque’s eyes, desperate to find something, anything.

 

“I…” I want to, he interprets. I believe you, he wishes. I still love you, he yearns. “I don’t know.” Is what Macaque settled with. 

 

Sun Wukong wasn’t sure if it was even possible for his fragmented stone heart to break even more, but it did. And after centuries of painstakingly putting it back together and building compact walls around it, Macaque found a way to break it again.

 

“…Ok.” He breathes. “Ok.” 

 

Silence envelopes the two once more, an even harsher silence than the previous one. But in that silence, it does make Wukong wonder…

 

“Do…,” he pauses for a moment, trying to craft his words together like a well knitted scarf for Macaque, “do you regret it?”

 

“I regret a lot of things, Wukong.” Macaque lets out a sigh, like he sees the well knitted words handcrafted just for him and discards it like it's nothing. “You have to be more specific.”

 

Wukong takes a shuddering breath, mentally preparing himself for another heartbreak. “Our friendship?” he finally manages to whisper out, a voice so quiet that only Macaque can hear. “Do you ever regret it?”

 

Macaque’s eyes widened for a fraction till he forced his gaze to turn to the shallow puddle of water. That alone did not bring confidence to Wukong. He tries not to deflate at the sight of Macaque not even baring to look at Wukong in this act of vulnerability. Maybe that was too much to ask of him but heavens did it make him yearn for a time when that was just simply a given between the two. 

 

A simple denial of emotion is what brought the great Monkey King down to his very last defenses. Truly how the mighty have fallen. 

 

“…I wish I did,” Macaque finally rasps out, “Gods, I wish.”

 

“Mac-”

 

“But we’ve already gone too far. So much has happened between us. You’ve changed. I’ve changed. I don’t think we can ever really go back to what we used to be-”

 

“We don’t have to!” He blurts in desperation. 

 

He slaps his hand across his mouth and the sheer force of it causes wind to flow in his direction. Macaque raises his eyebrow and all Wukong could do was let the blood rush to his cheeks in being so desperate to have his best friend back.

 

Because that was all this ploy is all about, after all. Confessing under the starry night sky all those eons ago, but this time it’s Wukong trying to bare all of himself to Macaque. Gods, how did Macaque even have the courage to do this so long ago! 

 

“I mean, we don’t have to…we can always just let go of that past. Start anew.” Wukong says, his voice slowly gaining confidence as his eyes do not stray from Macaque’s wandering gaze, trying to look for deceit or tricks in Wukong.

 

“I…I don’t think that’s a good idea. You’ve hurt me. I’ve hurt you and everyone else you’ve ever cared about. I-,” he stops himself and swallows, “I should go.”

 

Shadows start to pool at the bottom of Macaque’s feet, and that causes Wukong’s heart and mind to go into a panic at the thought of Macaque leaving him so he grabs the other’s sleeve in a fit of melancholy. 

 

“Macaque, wait! Just…” In that prolonged gap between them, a million thoughts raced through Wukong’s head but nothing was louder than the thought of kissing Macaque under the night sky like he always dreamed of what he’d done before. Heavens, did he want to reach out and erase all that pain, all that anger in one single swoop of a kiss, Instead, all he did was just blurt out, “please consider it.”

 

Macaque stares, his eyes begging Wukong to do something but Wukong stays firm in his hold, so Macaque gives the smallest nods in sheer bafflement and, finally, sinks into his shadow portal. 

 

Leaving Wukong all alone once more.

Notes:

This entire chapter would be nothing without inspo from @HakuHanaz’s art. Go check them out they’re really cool :]

once again dropped a lil reference there so if anyone knows where that's from good job! Ur a nerd! (Jk I love y'all no matter what). Anyways, like i said i planned this to be the final installment but i do have plans on expanding this to have 3 more chapters if i have the energy to write more (i swear i'm working on sun's spouse guys i promise) but for now i'll leave it at that. Also go check out my side blog if u want more lmk content!

 

 

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