Archive of Our Own

Being in charge of caring for four kids was the norm for you every week, so you probably should have gotten used to it already.

However, four kids— four lycan kids, mind you— was still too much for one person to handle, especially when the said kids have too much energy and are unaware of their own strength. 

It’s why you wince when you hear a loud wail behind you, fingers freezing from where you were carding your hands through Seungmin’s hair.

Please don’t let there be a broken bone please don’t let there be a broken bone — you send a quick, silent prayer above, taking a deep breath before you turn around and survey the situation.

You’re met with a teary Hyunjin on the ground, Jisung standing next to him with wide, guilty eyes. Felix was behind them, waist-deep in a mud puddle. After hurriedly scanning over the three, you finally relax when you don’t see any injuries that need immediate medical attention.

“Okay. Who’s going to tell me what happened?”

When Hyunjin just hiccups and Jisung avoids your gaze, you turn to Felix, who gulps.

“Um…” he starts, nervous, but he gains confidence when you smile at him reassuringly. “Jisung and I wanted Hyunjinnie to play in the mud, but Hyunjin wasn’t coming, and um. Jisung pulled Hyunjin and Hyunjin fell.”

“I was going to play!” Hyunjin shouts, and at the same time Jisung protests, “I didn’t pull him!”

Oh, dear. You sigh, gesturing over to Hyunjin. “Hyune, you first, okay? And don’t rub your eyes, baby. Your hands are dirty.”

Hyunjin sniffles, obediently putting his hands on his lap before he starts. “I was- I was going to play! But I didn’t want to get this dirty!” Hyunjin holds a hand up, showcasing a bracelet that you know was a gift from Jisung. “I was going to give it to you so you could keep it safe but- but-“ he hiccups again, peeking at Jisung who was starting to get teary too.

You hurriedly move closer, hoping Hyunjin held in his tears, because once he started crying Jisung would start crying too, and then it’d be a domino effect on the other two. You cup Hyunjin’s cheek.

“Does it hurt anywhere?” You ask, to which Hyunjin shakes his head. “That’s good. Jisung?”

Jisung stiffens at the call of his name, but comes closer when you hold a hand out to him. He places his small hand in the middle of your palm, and you squeeze gently.

“I didn’t mean to Y/N…” Jisung whispers, staring sadly down at Hyunjin’s now muddy bracelet. “Wanted to play… I pulled him cause I thought he didn’t hear but Jisung didn’t- I didn’t want to hurt Hyunjinie…”

You soften immediately, squeezing Jisung’s hand again in reassurance that you weren’t mad. Hyunjin perks up too, but you could see he was still hesitant in reaching out to his friend. 

“Alright. So Hyunjin, you wanted to play, but you had to leave for a bit so you could give me your bracelet so it doesn’t get dirty, right? Did you tell Jisung that?” Hyunjin pauses then shakes his head minutely. “Ah, so Jisung thought you didn’t hear, so he pulled you, but you couldn’t control how hard you pulled, huh?”

You turn to Jisung then, who nodded rapidly, making your lips quirk. You press a kiss to the back of Jisung’s hand, as well as a kiss to Hyunjin’s forehead. 

“So let’s take this as a lesson to always be aware of our strengths, hm? Remember what Channie said?”

At the sound of Chan’s name, the two perk up, eyes bright. You giggle. “Our bodies are different. If we aren’t careful, we could hurt each other, and others too— like humans. Jisung, try to call out first before you grab someone, okay? And Hyunjin, you have to tell people if you’re going to do something, hm? Is that good? Are we okay now?”

Nodding, Jisung squeezes your hand tighter and Hyunjin leans into your touch. You catch Felix’s eyes over Jisung’s shoulder, and you bite back a laugh when you see him teary-eyed too.

“So now, what do you say, pup?” You give Jisung a pointed glance, to which he still shrinks guiltily.

“Sorry, Hyunjinnie... Jisungie’s sorry.” Jisung mumbles, hand coming up to presumably brush the dirt away from Hyunjin’s face. What ends up happening, however, is he smears even more dirt, seeing as his hands were still full of mud.

Hyunjin, bless his heart, doesn’t seem to mind the mud bath. Instead he accepts Jisung’s pets, nodding along to his apologies and smiling. “S’okay, Sungie. I’m okay. Sorry for not telling you.”

“Good boys. Now I’ll take this—“ you unclasp the bracelet from Hyunjin’s wrist, holding it in your hand securely. “— and we’ll wash it later, okay? So you don’t have to worry while you play.”

Hyunjin and Jisung brighten at that. Felix, positively beaming about the reconciliation, finally jumps out of the mud and screams, “Group hug!”

Your eyes widen when Felix’s gaze locks on to a clean Seungmin, who was sitting at a safe distance— away from the mud, but still close enough to hear the conversation. Seungmin stiffens when he and Felix meet eyes.

You squeak a, “Felix, no-“ 

But it was too late; a muddy Felix dives straight onto an already complaining Seungmin, immediately followed by a gasping Hyunjin and a screaming Jisung. They dive on top of Seungmin and Felix, the four rolling around until they fall into another mud puddle. You panic, rushing over to save Seungmin, but when you look close, the youngest is now busy laughing from the mud he had smeared on Felix’s lips. 

You wince again at how dirty they all were now, but you can’t deny the tugging at your heartstrings from the sound of their happy shrieking and laughter.

It’s at that moment that you catch a familiar scent, and your heart rate picks up. 

Not a second later, Chan walks out of the woods, all unbuttoned pants and sweaty, chiseled bare chest on display, and your mouth is suddenly running drier than the Sahara desert. 

Raising an eyebrow at the wrestling pups, he meets your eyes with an amused grin. “You know, when I heard you were bathing them today, I didn’t quite get the memo that it was going to be in mud.”

At the sound of his voice, the pups freeze. They stay in their position even as they turn their heads, eyes wide as if they weren’t sure that Chan was really there. 

But then Chan holds his arms out with a knowing smile, and all four immediately scramble up from their dog pile, running to Chan’s arms with excited squeals.

Chan falters when Seungmin jumps up on his back and lifts himself up to sit on Chan’s shoulders, but rights himself quick enough to carry Felix in his arms, Jisung hanging off the other one. Hyunjin latches on to one of Chan’s legs, giggling when he starts walking.

Chan trudges over to you with four hyperactive kids hanging off his body, all while getting smeared in mud. Seungmin’s taken to making a quiff in Chan’s hair with the mud that was still on his hands, and Hyunjin’s finally got his face clean by wiping it against Chan’s ruined jeans.

You grimace at the mess, but watch fondly as Felix and Jisung smush their cheeks against Chan’s own at the same time, forming some weirdly cute baby mud sandwich. Chan notices your grimace soon enough, and with an evil smile he holds his arms out to you too, making you narrow your eyes.

“Absolutely not, no, don’t, Chan- you’re sweaty and gross and they’re muddy and gross-“

Your protests get muffled when Chan doesn’t listen and shuffles even closer anyway, the kids squealing in excitement when they realize what he’s trying to do. Jisung straight up leaps out of Chan’s arms and into yours, making you catch him out of reflex. Jisung cheers, moving around until he’s latched onto your back instead of your front.

You were helpless to Hyunjin’s waiting, outstretched, muddy arms at that point, especially when he was pouting up at you. So with a sigh, you lean down to carry Hyunjin in your arms, careful not to jostle Jisung who was now hanging off your back.

You glare at Chan as Jisung locks his muddy legs around your waist, but all you get is a cheeky grin in return, dimples popping out in his mud smeared cheeks as he high-fives a giggling Seungmin and Felix.

“Now... I think it’s time we all went for a proper bath, no?”

You and Chan carry the four devils all the way to the river, greeting and bowing at the pack members that pass by. They coo at you and Chan, and you hope there’s enough mud smeared on your face to hide the blush that comes when you hear the words cute together and make a good family. 

You wouldn’t be surprised if Chan had heard it as well, considering his impeccable hearing. But he shows no signs, busy convincing Seungmin to give him another hairstyle. You swallow and shift Hyunjin in your arms.

There’s more roughhousing when you get to the river, and the kids thankfully manage to wiggle out of their clothes before they splashed around in their naked glory. Chan goes to stand against the current, hands ready to catch in the off chance that one of the kids gets swept away by the running water. 

It takes you a bit of goading to convince the kids to start cleaning their bodies, but you manage to make a game of it soon enough: where the “hero” has to be soapy and clean before they can approach and defeat the mud monster Chan. 

It works wonders, and soon you have four excited boys lining up to get some shampoo and soap. They chatter excitedly as they bathe, already coming up with strategies to defeat the monster. 

You watch them fondly from your perch on the rocks, but your eyes, traitors as they were, soon stray to Chan.

Chan was seated now, legs bent with arms resting on his knees. Since you were in the shallow part of the river, he was seated comfortably. The water only came up to his calves, but he must have dunked in the water at some point, because there were droplets of water dripping down his head and chest, hair falling over his eyes. 

Your breath hitches as Chan’s body glistened due to the water and morning sun. He was watching the boys too—look on his face as fond as yours— but he must have felt your gaze, because he looks up, meets your eyes, and grins handsomely.

With a thundering heart in your chest, you look away.

You eventually finish bathing the kids, you and Chan giving each other time to wash yourselves as well. Chan’s ears are tinged pink when you get back from changing your clothes, the kids giggling at his side as he shushes them. 

You raise an eyebrow, but your curiosity is brushed off when Chan urges everybody to get a move on for nap time.

“You did a good job wrangling those two today.” 

At your blink, Chan gestures over to Hyunjin and Jisung walking in front of you, who were carrying Seungmin and Felix on their backs respectively. You squawk.

“You were listening?!”

Chan grins. “I was on my way back and already near when I heard Hyunjin. Got me to triple my pace. But you clearly had it handled, so I didn’t interrupt.” He smiles again, softer this time. “You did well.”

You flush, avoiding Chan’s eyes as you punch his shoulder gently. “Asshole. You could have explained it better than I did.”

“It’s you. You will always explain it better than I ever will.” Chan snorts, turning your face back to him with a lone finger under your chin. Your breath hitches.  “And they listen to you better. As you can clearly see.”

Chan gestures upwards, and a laugh bubbles out your chest when you see the final hairstyle Seungmin had managed to create during their scuffle earlier. You open your mouth to tease him about it, but then a booming voice interrupts before you could.

“Chan,” an elder calls, and you both stiffen. “We need to talk.”

You see Chan’s jaw clenching when you both bow to the elder, but when you straighten, he’s smiling.

“I’ll be just a moment. We have to put the kids to sl-“

“I’m sure Y/N can handle it. It’s her job.” The elder turns to you, an eyebrow raised, and you bite back a sneer. “Is it not?”

“It is.” You still smile, bowing politely once again before you turn to Chan. You know he’s about to apologize when he opens his mouth, so you cut him off with a shake of your head. “It’s okay. I can handle those four. They’ll be sad you didn’t say goodbye, but I’ll make sure to tell them you’re on your super-secret pack leader duties, okay?”

Chan’s lips twitch at that, but you see the forlorn look in his eyes when he turns to look at the kids, who were wrestling each other again a few paces away. They know never to interrupt when the “grown-ups” are having a conversation but had stopped to wait for you and Chan when they noticed you weren’t following anymore.

Chan huffs quietly. “Kiss each of them goodnight for me, okay?”

“They don’t do that anymore. They’re big boys now.” You scrunch your nose, and Chan laughs. “I’ll tuck them in though. It’s enough that you got to play with them a bit today. You’re their favourite hyung, they’ll understand.”

“I know,” Chan sighs. “And I miss them and I do want to play with them for the whole day-“

“Chan.” The elder calls again, voice clipped, and you do your best to hold back a glare. 

“Go.” You whisper, shoving Chan towards the elder gently. He doesn’t budge. “Lest the kids come and see you leave. They’ll cry, and I know you don’t want to see them cry. Don’t worry, okay? Go.”

“I'm going.” Chan grumbles like a child, making you snort.

You squeeze his forearm in lieu of a goodbye, already turning away, but then Chan suddenly surges forward— way too close to your face, nose nudging against yours— then he hesitates and stops just a breath width away from you.

“Um-“

“You…” He clears his throat. “You still have mud on your cheek.” Chan chastises quietly, and your neck burns hot as he uses his thumb to presumably brush the dirt away. 

Chan’s eyes flit somewhere else too, but you’re too wound up to notice where.

“Thanks.” You exhale, shaky, and Chan sends you one last charming smile before he goes. 

You fan yourself once his back is turned, rubbing your probably bright red ears between your fingers. Jesus. Though your attraction to Chan wasn’t exactly a secret to you, it’s been somehow more apparent lately, especially when Chan did shit like… that.

But you and Chan were always close. You had both toed the line of being best friends and something more when you grew past your teens, when you both presented and your childhood friend and the idiot who followed you around everywhere started to look devastatingly handsome and more confident in the way he carried himself. 

And as time passed Chan was always there, never a step too far from you. A simple infatuation had then turned into a giant crush, and then suddenly Chan was starting to look like someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.

It didn’t help that there was a spark of hope that you felt the same every time he looked at you a little too long, when he goes out of his way to bring you back gifts from a hunt or to help you with your duties despite his busy schedule. 

There’s a maybe here, a what if there, but—

You jerk, grimacing. Stop it, you think. Now’s not the time.

“Y/N, Felix is-” Seungmin stops short in front of you, eyes searching, and you bite back a wince. “Oh… where did Chan hyung go?”

You had four lycan kids to appease, now that their favorite hyung is gone.

Your feet pad against the forest floor as you walk along the edge of the clearing, on the way to your designated guarding spot. 

The kids finally fell asleep after a bunch of promises and reassurances that Chan would spend time with them again soon, but it still hurt your heart to see them pout as they slept. It really had been a while since Chan had hung out with them, a big change from before when you all hung out together every day.

But considering his duties as the future pack leader, there was nothing else you could do.

You sigh, sniffing around for a place to settle down for a quick doze as you wait for Changbin so you could start your patrol, but that plan gets thrown out the window when an unfamiliar scent invades your nostrils. 

You jump, on guard and teeth bared already, but the person that comes out from behind the bushes isn’t who you expect.

“I was wearing blockers.” Yoon Jeonghan raises an eyebrow, stalking closer with his hands in his pockets. “Your sense of smell is impressive.”

You stop growling, but you don’t let your guard down as Jeonghan comes closer and brazenly sits close to you. He sends you a charming smile, patting the space next to him. You don’t move.

Jeonghan was one of the neighboring pack’s alphas, and a pretty well-known one at that. Most wolves in your own pack had all gushed about him when he and his pack visited for the monthly get-together— a tradition started to maintain peace among communities. 

You hadn’t been there for the meeting, choosing instead to play with the kids in the courtyard. You had met eyes with Jeonghan on his way out though, but you don’t have an inkling as to why he would be here, alone at that.

“I’m not here for a fight.” Jeonghan smiles softly, “I just want to talk. I was denied something that simple by the great Bang Chan, but now that he’s occupied, I really would like to take this chance to talk to you. I promise you can bite my head off if I do something you don’t like.”

Narrowing your eyes, you assess him for a moment. Jeonghan was known to be a sly charmer, but you couldn’t trace a single amount of hostility in him right now. Changbin was on his way, and Jeonghan was in your territory. Any blood spilled right now would be blamed on him for trespassing. 

So you huff, eyes narrowing. “Why are you here alone?”

“I’m not alone.” Jeonghan replies. “My elders are meeting with yours right now. I wanted to talk to you, so I asked where you were, and your elders told me you’ve gone to patrol. So I came here, but I understand why you’re wary. I thought you were patrolling with Changbinnie?”

“He’s running a little late.” You reply, eye twitching. Of all times. “You know each other?”

“I used to train him.” Jeonghan snickers, and you blink in surprise. “Really. Ask him about it. He used to be very scrawny.”

You make a mental note of that but still shift uncomfortably. Jeonghan isn’t trespassing, he and his pack were here on business. But… “I still don’t understand why you’re here, though. What did you want to talk about with me?”

Jeonghan laughs, uncharacteristically shy, making you tilt your head in confusion. He’s just opening his mouth again to speak but then a strong familiar cedarwood scent fills the air around you almost violently, and you and Jeonghan both freeze.

Then, a vicious, feral howl.

“Chan?” You whisper, confused and worried at the same time. What the hell was happening? What’s got him so angry?

You turn to leave so you could find Chan, Jeonghan be damned, but then the scent ultimately becomes even stronger and suddenly there’s frantic rustling in the woods. You hold your breath.

He’s here.

Not a second later Chan comes bursting through, ruining various trees in his way. He’s enormous in his stark grey wolf form. He covers you and Jeonghan completely like this, leaving no room for escape. Jeonghan had stood up as soon as the howl was heard, eyes red, but he doesn’t shift. 

Out of instinct, you go to grab for Jeonghan. He wasn’t part of your pack, and if Chan was feral in his wolf form, anyone who wasn't a pack member that was in your territory was immediately a threat. Jeonghan wasn’t trespassing. His pack was here on business. You couldn’t have a member from another pack get hurt, especially by Chan of all people, who was soon to be pack leader. If you kept Jeonghan close to you, maybe Chan won’t-

A growl. Louder this time, harsher than you’ve ever heard it before. Chan jolted forward, jaws snapping, but the deep claw marks on the ground was clear that he wasn’t going to attack with his own pack member so close to the threat. But with each passing second you could see the reasoning flicker out of Chan’s eyes, like he wasn’t going to care about the consequences anymore.

You frown. Was Jeonghan that dangerous? Is he really a threat? You’ve only ever seen Chan like this around enemies— rival packs. Yours and Jeonghan’s packs were allies. And… if he really was a threat, the whole pack should have been here by now, not just Chan.

As if on cue, more rustling comes from the woods, and not a second later an out-of-breath Changbin appears, Minho right behind him.

“Chan! Fuck! There you-“ Changbin skids to a halt, trailing off once he takes a good look at the scene in front of him, “...are. Oh.”

“Y/N,” Minho calls, voice careful, “step back.”

“Are you crazy ?” You hiss, gesturing to the two bristling alphas on either side of you. “The last thing we want right now is a fight!”

“Trust me.” Your mouth gapes in disbelief, but Minho barrels on. “Y/N. Let go of Jeonghan. Now.”

Chan bares his teeth at the same time your fingers tighten around Jeonghan’s wrist, and it takes you a minute, but you listen to Minho with a reluctant glare. 

You swallow. “Jeonghan, he really doesn’t mean any harm. Please, just stand down. He’s under a lot of stress right now, he normally isn’t-”

Jeonghan turns to look at you at the sound of his name, but he barely gets to move an inch before Chan is snapping his jaw, jolting forward as if to attack.

“Chan!” You feel frustration bubble up inside you when you turn to look at Changbin and Minho, both of them just stupidly staring at Chan. “Calm him down!”

“We can’t.” Changbin chokes out. Your anger falters when you see that he was genuinely scared. Even Minho was flinching back. The two were rarely ever scared of Chan. Even in his wolf form, you’ve never seen them so afraid of their friend, so this was a sight you never expected to see.

“But you can.” Minho interjects, startling you.

“What? He’s rabid right now!”

“Not to you.” Minho finally rips his gaze away from Chan and meets yours now, voice sure when he says, “It’s you, Y/N. It’s Chan.”

It’s you. Your brows furrow. “What do you-”

Chan makes a huffing noise. Jeonghan had moved behind you, claws now out. He was on the verge of shifting, but thankfully he was holding back. You try to meet eyes with Chan, but he was dead set on glaring at Jeonghan, murderous intent coming off him in waves. 

You knew the anger wasn’t directed at you, but the next time Chan jolts as if he’s going to attack, you couldn’t help but flinch. You were confused, upset, but most of all, worried. You hated seeing Chan like this, you hated not knowing what to do, you hated the fact that you don’t even know what caused this in the first place. Soon after, your eyes start to sting from the frustration. 

And suddenly, Chan finally turns to look at you. You didn’t let a tear slip, but Chan reacts as if you were bawling. As if a switch was flipped, he immediately shrinks back into himself, head bowed and whining. He was clawing at the ground as if he wanted to touch you, but couldn’t with his enormous size. 

Your mouth parts in shock. With the way Chan was trying to get your attention, it was as if he was never angry in the first place, like Jeonghan wasn’t even there. You had gotten whiplash from the sudden change of mood, unable to speak. Chan takes your silence badly, if the way he whines louder was any indication.

“Jesus Christ.” Minho mutters behind Chan. Changbin looked to be struggling between being amused or cringing. Jeonghan stood awkwardly behind you, having already taken a few steps back. 

You only snap out of your daze when Chan’s whines just increase in volume, hand reflexively darting out to pat his head. Like this, you were reminded of a young Chan, who sniffled and cried when you went to play with other kids. His whines now were so reminiscent of the younger him that you couldn’t stop your lips from quirking up.

“Hey, it’s okay. Channie, it’s okay. We’re okay.”

Chan pushes his snout against your palm, sniffing all the way up to your wrist. He continues to prod his nose on your arm up to your shoulder, and you stumble back with a surprised giggle when he reaches your neck. He stands up and rearranges himself so he’s curled around you, nose still sniffing at your hair. He completely wrapped your lower body. You had no way of moving. You weren’t sure if you even wanted to.

“We’re going to-” Changbin manages to get out, coughing awkwardly. You hadn’t noticed, but Minho was already dragging Jeonghan away by the arm. “Yeah. Chan, not cool man. Don’t do that again.”

Chan doesn’t even spare Changbin a glance, too busy nosing at the nape of your neck. You shudder at the feeling, but manage to send Changbin an apologetic smile. You catch Jeonghan’s eye as they leave, and you frown when you see him looking almost… sad?

But you don’t have the opportunity to question him, partly because you were scared that calling Jeonghan’s attention would aggravate Chan again, but also partly because you were so content wrapped up in Chan that you couldn’t even speak properly.

So as selfish as it sounded, you just watched them go. You let Chan scent you and bask in the safety and warmth his curled form brought you. 

Only when Chan stops sniffing you, you realize he’s finally calmed down, breathing evenly and slumped against your back. You let yourself enjoy the feeling of Chan so close for a few more seconds, but you and he both knew there was a conversation to be had.

So with a sigh, you wriggle in Chan’s grasp, intending to get out, but Chan just tightens around you and whines again. 

“Chan,” you groan halfheartedly. You could probably get out if you really wanted to, but god. You didn’t want to. “We need to talk.”

Chan just huffs and nuzzles your head, as if he was saying we can talk like this. You’re so tempted to just fuck it and melt in his embrace, but you’re sure your mind can’t form a thought coherent enough if you stayed like this.

“No, come on.” You wriggle again, actually pushing out this time, and Chan relents with a displeased noise. He lets you go, and you go to stand above him with your arms crossed.

“What the hell was that, huh?” You scold, but your voice tapers off into a soft sigh when Chan whimpers at the raised volume in your tone. He hides between his paws, head still bowed low.

You put on the deepest frown you could muster. Chan peeks from behind his paws. Your lips twitch, but you shake it off. You sternly point to an area behind the trees.

“Okay, up. Go shift. We need to talk properly.”

You turn away after that, knowing Chan would just try to puppy eyes his way out of shifting, and god knows you were weak to that. You hear him huff as he stands, then there’s rustling.

You weren’t sure how long you stood there just drowning in your own thoughts, thinking about what to say and where to start. But you don’t notice Chan sneak up behind you, only jolting out of your daze when he calls your name.

“Y/N.”

You blink and swivel around, and regret it almost immediately. Chan was naked. He stood in front of you in all his bare glory, no ounce of shame seen. He was clearly upset, cute pout on his lips, but that contrasted with the way his muscles bulged as his arms crossed. 

You catch yourself last minute from trailing your eyes lower. You’ve seen Chan naked since you were kids. It was normal to be naked after shifting. This wasn’t a big deal. 

So why, pray tell, were your ears burning?

You clear your throat, about to ask if you should go back to get some clothes first and talk there, but then Chan speaks up, and the words get lost on your tongue.

“Jeonghan wants to court you.”

You blink. Once. Twice. 

“What?”

Chan’s jaw clenches. “At the dispute last week. He saw you. He came back again a few days ago to ask permission to visit our pack and court you.” Teeth gritted, he mutters, “He wants to take you as his mate.”

A thought niggled at the back of your mind. The great Bang Chan denied me of that. “And you decided to reject it?”

“I didn’t reject it.” Chan says, affronted. “I didn’t! That’s your decision to make. I just-“ he swallows, “I stalled. In telling you.”

“Why?”

Chan fidgets and looks away. “It’s a big decision to make.”

Your frown. “I’m not a damn child, Chan.”

“I’m not saying that you are. It’s just-“

“Do you not want me to take Jeonghan as a mate?”

“Do you want to?” Chan meets your eyes now, face unreadable. His eyes flash a bright red as he steps forward, and your foot reflexively steps back. You resist the urge to move the rest of your body. There was nothing to be scared of. “Do you want him? As a mate?”

“What’s it to you?” You whisper, searching Chan’s eyes for something— anything you can work with that hints at his feelings, but just like a true leader: he lets nothing show. “Why are you so worked up about this?”

“You’re my best friend! I’m not just going to let just some alpha we don’t know ta-“

“Is that really all I am to you?”

Chan’s mouth snaps shut. You watch the way he falters, and something in your heart simultaneously breaks and comes to life. 

It was so, so draining.

You were drained. The mixed signals Chan kept sending wasn’t a game you could play forever, because you’ve loved him all this time and you didn’t have the strength anymore to keep thinking there was a chance he could love you back too.

At least this way, you could keep being by his side without holding onto what could be each time he so much as looked at you.

The foot you stepped back returns to its place, and you stand taller on two feet, almost nose to nose with Chan. You meet his gaze steadily.

“Tell me, Chan. Am I really just a friend to you?”

Chan doesn’t look away. His gaze flickers downwards for a split second, but you meet eyes again immediately afterward. His lips part. 

You hold your breath, waiting for him to say something– anything, but… nothing.

In his silence, you found your answer.

With a tight-lipped smile, you turn around, steel yourself and walk away.

You don't look back.

“Y/N, wait-”

“No -”

Chan gently pulls you back by the arm, but you tug yourself away from his grip with a hiss and keep walking.

What you don’t expect is for Chan to growl, frustrated, and the next thing you know you’re being tugged back again and being pressed up against a tree. 

Then, Chan’s lips are on yours.

You gasp. Chan kisses like he needed it to breathe. His slick lips locked with yours was enough to turn your legs into jelly, mind unable to process what was currently happening. The kiss was desperate, harsh and filthy, but it was the exact opposite of how Chan held you, one arm gently circling around your waist to hold you up, the other hand cupping your cheek to guide you to tilt your head.

You’ve never kissed anyone. Chan knows this. Your first kiss is with your first friend and your first love. The thought alone is enough to make tears sting in your eyes again. Chan makes a noise in his throat, as if sensing your waterworks. He bites your lip to distract you, and the moan that slips out of you is enough to tell that it works.

Your heart was about to burst out of your chest. You couldn’t breathe. You were dizzy. And yet, you didn’t want to pull away. If you could, you would spend the rest of your life locked in a passionate kiss with Chan.

But even as supernatural beings, you both still needed to breathe. Chan is the one to pull away, just barely an inch away from you, and you immediately chase for his lips again. He makes a wounded noise, as if it pained him not to swoop down and kiss you. 

You stare up at Chan wide-eyed and teary as his hand slides down to your neck. He sighs, knocking his forehead against yours.

“Don’t go,” he says, starting to breathe heavily again. “Don’t go, Y/N, you can’t- please-”

“Okay, hey,” You startle, hand coming up to press against Chan’s heaving chest. “Easy. Breathe.”

Chan shudders, leaning into your touch. His eyes flutter shut for a moment. When he opens them again, they’re back to brown and staring right at you.

“You’re not… just a friend.” He exhales, and your heart jumps to your throat. “It’s just- It’s you, Y/N. It’s- you’re-”

It’s you. There it was again. The same thing Minho had said earlier. You search his eyes, hoping to find some clue as to what he’s going to say, but the next words that come out of Chan’s mouth are the ones that you least expect.

“You’re everything to me. I don’t want you to be with Jeonghan. I don’t want you to be with anyone else but me, Y/N. Me. It’s so selfish of me to ask this of you because I-“ Chan sighs. “It’s not that I doubt my feelings for you. But I’m going to be the pack leader. The preparations alone already kept us apart these past few weeks, what if you get hurt and I’m not there? What if you need something and I’m busy somewhere and, what if you get tired-”

“And you thought I wouldn’t work through that with you? Chan-“ You laugh a little, humorless. Chan looks down at that, ashamed. You bring his gaze back up by tilting his chin. “Chan, I’d go to the ends of the earth with you. If it means being with you, I’d do anything. Why would you deny me of that chance?”

Chan swallows. “I thought you deserved better.”

“You are better.” You whisper, cupping Chan’s cheek now. He shakes his head, but puts his hand over yours to keep it in place.

“No, I’m not. I could barely control myself back there. I know Jeonghan had no ill intentions, but just the thought of you talking to him and laughing and giving him the smiles you give me, it’s just-” You open your mouth, about to protest, but Chan presses a kiss to your palm. “But I’m going to be. I’ll be better. For you. For our pack. I can’t let anyone take you from me.”

“Chan…”

“No, it’s- I’ve loved you for so long.” He sighs, and your breath hitches. “I’ve loved you since we were teens and I’ve always been so scared to tell you all of this. But I planned to- when I officially become pack leader, I planned to court you properly. I wanted- our first kiss was supposed to be under the stars, on a full moon, your favourite. Not this, not here where I’m fucking naked and we’re both upset and-”

“Chan,” you can’t stop the laugh that bubbles out of your chest, and Chan’s head snaps up at the sound. He looks at you, amazed and so in love, you hope he sees in your eyes how you are too. “Chan, you fucking idiot. Even if you just passed by me and told me I was your girlfriend, that would have been okay. That would have been great, Chan, you don’t know how long I’ve waited for this. I thought you- I thought you didn’t want me-”

“No, nononono, don’t say that.” Chan whispers, shaking his head fervently. “You’re all I want. You’re everything I need, Y/N. It’s you, it’s only you. And not just my girlfriend, but…”

You blink when Chan cups your cheek again, tip of his nose brushing against yours as he leans down and says, 

“My mate.”

“Really?” You whisper, in disbelief, and Chan nods, smiling.

“Really. There’s no one else for me but you.”

“Chan…”

Tears fill your eyes once again. You’ve lost count of how many times you’ve almost cried today, but this time you’re sure this one was going to spill over. You were so happy. Chan loves you. Chan wants you to be his mate. Chan kissed you. Chan-

“Channie hyuuuung!”

You and Chan jolted at the sound of high-pitched screaming, immediately pinpointing the voice to be Jisung’s. Soon there's rustling in the trees, and Minho and Changbin come out. But this time, they’re carrying two kids each.

Changbin was carrying Jisung and Hyunjin like sacks of rice, while Minho had Seungmin and Felix leisurely propped up on his hips. All four kids looked to be in distress, eyes teary and snot running down their noses. Your eyes immediately dried at the sight, panic flowing through your veins.

“Oh no, what happened?”

Minho sighed. “All four woke up as soon as Chan went beserk. Demanded they be let out of the nursery to see what was going on, and wouldn’t stop crying until Changbin and I promised them we’d take them to you.”

“Let me go! Let me go let me go let me go! Channie hyung!” Jisung wailed as he struggled, looking like a flailing spider as Changbin held him by the waist. 

Hyunjin was crying too, rubbing at his eyes as he sobbed, “Y/N!”

Seungmin and Felix were quieter, but they were still sniffling. Seungmin had hid his face in Minho’s neck, but his shining eyes were glued to you and Chan. When you turn to Felix, you meet his teary eyes, and he immediately hiccups and reaches his arms out, wordlessly asking to be picked up. Your heart breaks.

“Oh, baby, come here.” You slip out of Chan’s grasp, hurriedly rushing over to take Felix out of Minho’s arms. Felix latches on to you tight, arms around your neck and legs around your waist. You didn’t even need to hold him, so you reach one hand out to wipe the tears and snot away from Seungmin’s face.

“Get dressed.” Minho glares at Chan as he slips a backpack off his shoulder, tossing it to the sheepish-looking Chan. “And then take those two. They’re going to be sick with all that crying.”

Chan dresses hurriedly, and Changbin finally lets Jisung and Hyunjin go. The two scramble to Chan, wailing loud in his ears as he picks them up. Chan winces, but there’s a fond smile on his face as he tries to shush them.

“I’m sorry, hyung is sorry for worrying you. Don't cry…”

You watch with an amused smile as Chan bounces Jisung and Hyunjin in his hold, similar to how you would soothe a crying baby. Seungmin finally untucks from Minho and reaches out to you, and you move Felix a bit so you could carry Seungmin as well.

Chan meets your eyes over all the fuss. He grins handsomely, two snotty toddlers in his arms wailing, and your heart rattles in your chest once more.

This time, you’ve stepped over the line, hand in hand, with Chan.