Work Text:
### ***Materials Needed:***
- Fictional Book About Ancient Chinese Cultivation
- Cause Of Death (preferably by contracting Meningoencephalitis after touching an African Snail)
- Scientist (one who knows the ins and outs, the highs and lows, of the afterlife)
- False Beard Made Of Straw
### ***Procedure:***
### ***Step One:***
Let a scientist who is an expert on the afterlife experiment on you, and proceed to
forget about the scientist.
### ***Step Two:***
Find a fictional book you enjoy reading (one about ancient Chinese cultivation). Become immersed in the fictional world, and dissect each character. Collect memorabilia of The Protagonist. He is your favorite now. He might have committed many crimes, but he had a reason! Place memorabilia around your room, yes, the small room in your run-down apartment with no more space left to spare. You’ll find a way. Also, join online forums about the fictional book about ancient chinese cultivation. Get banned from said forum.
### ***Step Three:***
Find a snail. If there is no snail, any other non dangerous animal will do. Touch the snail. The snail has Angiostrongylus cantonensis. Contract Meningoencephalitis caused by the Angiostrongylus cantonensis from the snail.
### ***Step Four:***
Die.
### ***Step Five:***
Wake up in a bed that does not feel as comfortable as the one you’re used to, and open your eyes. Look into the eyes of The Protagonist of the fictional book about ancient Chinese cultivation that you have posters of around your room in your small apartment with no more space in it. Pass out (this step can be skipped).
### ***Step Six:***
Wake up again. In the same bed. Be served breakfast by The Protagonist from the fictional book about ancient Chinese cultivation, who looks much younger than he is in the posters. Watch as The Protagonist cries at your feet, blabbering about how “you” were so sick from fever he didn’t know if you would make it through the night.
### ***Step Seven:***
Look into a mirror and realize you’re not you. You are the evil mentor of The Protagonist. The same one who was chopped into pieces by him after severely abusing and neglecting him throughout his childhood and teen years. Cry yourself to sleep.
### ***Step Eight:***
Right the wrongs of the Original Body. Teach your Disciple (previously referred to as The Protagonist) the correct cultivation techniques. Treat him with kindness. Watch him grow up into a young adult.
### ***Step Nine:***
Accidentally push your Disciple off a cliff, into an open rift that leads to a nightmare-filled hellscape in which he will have to fight his way through for at least five years.
### ***Step Ten:***
Mourn the life you know will end in five years once your Disciple comes back as a full-fledged Demon Lord to torture and kill you. Also, find out the scientist who had experimented on you had also Transmigrated into the fictional book about ancient Chinese cultivation. Beat him up.
### ***Step Eleven:***
Run into The Protagonist (aka. the Disciple who you had pushed into a cliff three years earlier). Run away from The Protagonist that returned early from his impromptu adventure.
### ***Step Twelve:***
Proceed to cause many misunderstandings, along with faking your own death for several years to get away from The Protagonist, who is most definitely hunting you down and trying to kill you.
### ***Step Thirteen:***
Beat the scientist up again. Find out The Protagonist still has the Original Body you had Transmigrated into. Meet an old colleague who had been fighting The Protagonist (since you had faked your death) trying to get “your” body back.
### ***Step Fourteen:***
Disguise yourself and attempt to get the body you used to fake your death with back from The Protagonist (disguise is the false beard mentioned in the Materials section). Accidentally get the false beard ripped off your face. Watch as The Protagonist looks from the body in his arms to your new body in disbelief. Proceed to clear up any misunderstandings about your previous actions from steps Five through Fourteen.
### ***Step Fifteen:***
Go on adventures with The Protagonist as a way to bond. Get hurt on the adventures. Heal. Go on more adventures.
### ***Step Sixteen (Optional):***
Fall in love with The Protagonist.