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Cool evenings like these were not your favorite. Luckily, there was so much buzz, laughter, stories and intimacy in the camp that it almost made you forget about the chill on your skin. Not to mention the warm campfire in front of you. You sit on the ground on a small blanket by the fire, warming yourself and watching with a smile as Lenny tries to show Jenny something he's learned. He was holding an open spruce cone and four equally short sticks. He attaches the sticks to the cone so that it looks like it has four legs. Proudly, he sets it on the ground and then says to Jenny, "It's a cone cow."
“Cow? It looks more like a sheep to me, don’t you think?” Jenny states, observing Lenny's work more closely. “The way it looks, it’s like it has dark brown wool.”
“I don’t know, this is just something my father showed me when I was little. Said he saw some traveler show it to him,” Lenny lets out a light chuckle in thought before continuing, “and that he had only understood the word ‘cow’ the traveler had said and nothing else but for some reason this stuck with him.”
“That’s very cute.” Jenny admits, a broad smile gracing her beautiful face. The smile was easily spread to Lenny, who smiled back at her. Lenny was practically glowing. Everyone knows about his not-so-little crush on Jenny. It was sweet to watch; that slightly awkward teenage romance full of uncertainty. Jenny also clearly liked Lenny's company, but neither had made the first move. Sometimes you felt like forcing them on a romantic date or pushing their faces together so they could finally kiss, but you knew you had to give them time. Love will blossom when the time is right.
The tender moment was cut short when you heard the approaching clop of hooves. Turning to look in the direction of the sound, you see Arthur approaching the camp on the back of his mare. He jumps off Boadicea's back and just from the thud, his furrowed brows and pursed lips you could tell he was furious. He didn't say a word as he stomped past you towards his wagon and tent. The only person he even paid a bit of attention to on his way there was Hosea, who asked if he was all right. Arthur just waved his hand dismissively and disappeared into the depths of his tent.
“What’s up with him?” Lenny wonders aloud, his gaze still on where Arthur had disappeared to.
“The hell if I know.” You respond, shrugging your shoulders in ignorance. Clearly a job or something had gone wrong during his absence. You try to remember when he disappeared from the camp. You remember he came back late last night, too, but you don't remember seeing him this morning. He must have left at the first rays of the sunrise.
Everyone had stopped when Arthur arrived, but now the buzz continued, as if at the touch of a button. You turn your gaze back to the fire in front of you. You watch it dance happily and feel its wonderful warmth enveloping you. You weren't tired at all yet, but oh how nice it would be to lie down right there and fall asleep, as if someone was holding you against them, sharing their body heat with you.
You almost decided to do just that, but then you noticed Javier approaching with a guitar in his hands. You were suddenly very alert. It was definitely not time to sleep. Javier's playing and singing are the best treat you can hear during the week. You never understood a word of his songs, but they still had a feeling that you could understand. Sometimes a melancholic atmosphere, a kind of longing and perhaps mourning for a lost love. Most of the songs, however, were about happiness and love, and they were very catchy and put the whole gang in a good mood. Perhaps it would even get the cranky Arthur bear to crawl out of his cave and join in the fun.
Javier sits down in front of the fire right next to you, his legs criss-crossed and the guitar resting in his lap. He adjusts a little bit and starts playing a tune. His eyes were closed as he moved his fingers around the neck of the guitar with habit and thoughtlessness. He became completely immersed in the music and forgot the world around him; it was just him and his guitar. When he opened his mouth and started singing in his soft voice, you were in a trance and your eyes refused to leave him. You just lean against your drawn up knees and listen.
“En una jaula de oro pendiente de un balcón
Una triste calandria lloraba su prisión”
Most of the rest of the gang had stopped to listen and moved closer to the source of the singing and playing. It was no secret that Javier's music put everyone in a better mood. Its cheerfulness infected everyone, everyone except, apparently, Arthur, who was still sulking or doing who knows what in his tent. You wanted to go and drag him out of there, but you didn't want to move. You were too raptured by the music.
“Ay Dios, no hay remedio
Ay Dios, no hay piedad
Me robas el reposo
¡Y adiós tranquilidad!”
The song sounded upbeat but you could hear some kind of desperation in between the lines. However, the corners of Javier’s mouth were still turned upwards so you allowed yourself just to feel happy and sway along to the music. More and more people began to gather around the campfire so to give them space you moved even closer to Javier so that you were against his arm, which was still moving as he played the guitar strings.
He acknowledges you with a simple smile while still singing verses. Javier has always been super nice and respectful to you. He’s like that with all of the women in the camp, but with you especially. It’s nice to have someone like him around, a man you can truly trust. Because there surely are some men you don’t feel like you can trust. Especially this newest arrival, Micah. Nobody liked him really, apart from Mac, Dutch and maybe Bill. Micah is the kind of guy to throw disgusting remarks at women and racist slurs towards every colored person in the gang. You truly didn’t understand why they allowed him to stay in the first place.
You start leaning against Javier, placing your cheek on his shoulder and closing your eyes with a satisfied hum. His smile only widened as he continued singing. This was not the first time you have done this. You have a good friendship and have relied on him for many things. Bad dream? You go straight to him for comfort. Another job you heard about from some desperate town drunk? You'll be the first to tell him. When you want to share something from your past? Most of the time, you'd turn to him even then. Your long-time crush? Javier was the only person you've told that you are sweet on Arthur, who almost never seems to share the same feelings. It was frustrating.
You didn't understand Arthur at all, especially the way he behaved towards you. Sometimes he seemed interested in you, which always ignited a small spark of hope in you, which he manages to snuff out later when he behaves as if you don't exist. Sometimes he is very kind to you and sometimes downright rude. Sometimes he laughs with you and sometimes he mumbles a few words in anger. He always leaves you wondering whether you've done something wrong or why he treated you that way. You have always opened up about this to Javier, who didn't have an answer for it either. However, he tries his best to encourage you and says that "even the horse kicks out of love".
Some members of the gang probably thought you and Javier were together, but everyone who knew you better knew that there was nothing more than friendship and mutual trust between you. Javier has always known you sometimes need comfort and intimacy, but not the romantic kind. But just someone you can trust when you need to, because you had a hard time making friends and trusting anyone from the beginning. Little by little, he built your trust in him and made you open up. Now you're much more relaxed and trusting of everyone in the gang and you can be more yourself. Somehow he managed to encourage you and you are grateful to him for that.
The evening continued for some time in this pleasant and peaceful atmosphere. Javier played his guitar and sometimes sang. The crowd around the campfire changed, some of them already huddled in their beds. Some were drinking lightly and enjoying the effects of the alcohol and whereas Bill had already drunk himself into dreamlands and was lying on the ground at the foot of a tree, snoring loudly.
Javier starts singing another song just as Arthur finally steps out of his tent. His hat had been forgotten somewhere as he staggered closer to the fire, clearly drunk. His eyes were fixed on you and Javier and you weren't sure if he looked sad or angry. In any case, you were a bit nervous about what he had to say, because he looked like he wanted to say a few set words.
“Al borrachito todo se le dispensa
Cuando anda chirpo no conoce la vergüenza”
Arthur calls you by name and with some hesitation you look up at him, who is already standing in front of you. He may have been drunk, but the look on his face was serious. "’Course I'll find you here again, dammit. I should’ve known." Arthur growls, his voice oozing with resentment. You stare into his eyes in confusion. You didn't know what he meant. So you didn't know what else to do but stare at him questioningly with your mouth agape. “Ah, forget it.”
He starts wobbling away. You considered staying put but obviously that wouldn’t be a good idea. So you stand up and sprint after him, grabbing him by his upper arm once you reach him. He stops dead in his tracks and turns to look at you, that same fury burning in his eyes that you witnessed when he had returned to camp earlier. It scares you but you can’t let go of him, you won’t, not yet. You needed answers for his drunken words.
“Si me emborracho es por una consecuencia
Todo lo causa la pasión de una mujer.”
“Arthur-” You try to say something, but Arthur interrupts you before you can say another word.
“Go away.” Arthur huffs and tries to push you away, literally and also emotionally. A few days ago you might have let him push you away again like he always does but this time your determination exceeded his stubbornness. Your grip on his arm only tightened.
“No. You owe me an explanation.” You argue. Your gaze is trying to find some cues on his face, some emotion or some explanation for his behavior. Arthur just drops his gaze to the ground and refuses to look you in the eye.
“I owe you nothin’, woman. Jus’ leave me be.” He retorts, only fueling your frustration. You slap him across the face with your free hand. The only effect it had on him was him closing his eyes and gritting his teeth.
“Don’t you dare. You keep actlin’ like this, like a… like a damn fool. What the hell is wrong with you?” You dispute in desperation. You like him, so much, and it bothered you when he acted like he was angry with you. You didn't know what you had done wrong. But you couldn't fix it if you didn't even know what it was.
“Amigo vino, tú me tumbas con tu aliento
Las copas llenas dónde están que no las tengo”
“Stop before I say somethin’ I shouldn’t.” Arthur hisses through his teeth, trying to keep his mouth shut. The more he speaks the more desperate you become for him to actually spit it all out.
“Arthur please, don’t keep leavin’ me in the dark. What’s wrong? Why are you so mad at me? What did I do?” Tears were welling up in your eyes as you spoke.
“I’m not mad at you. It’s just- no, forget it. It ain’t important.” He dismisses you once again. Does he need another slap in the face or what would it take for him to open up? You knew he could see the desperation in your eyes. You also knew it was taking everything for him not to say anything. He wanted to tell you but wouldn’t.
“Then what the hell is it, Arthur? You don’t act like this with anyone else in the camp but me. Is there somethin’ wrong with me? Don’t you trust me? Help me understand, please.” You plead. Your heart was racing and tears were rolling down your cheeks.
Arthur still refuses to look you in the eye. His gaze drifted elsewhere. He rubs his hand thoughtfully over his mouth and other cheek, searching for the right words in his confused mind. The alcohol in his blood only pushed him to tell his secret to the girl standing in front of him. He tried to fight it as best he could, but if you didn't stop your query, he wouldn't be able to hold back much longer.
“Si me emborracho, es de puro sentimiento
Todo lo causa esa ingrata mujer”
“Look, I can’t tell you. It’d be… bad if I did. Jus’ know there ain’t anythin’ wrong witchu.” Arthur mumbles barely loud enough for you to hear. Finally, you couldn't take it anymore and your anger boiled over. Tears of despair gave way to tears of anger as you stamped your foot angrily against the ground. Arthur flinches and finally looks you in the eye, clearly overwhelmed by the turmoil of your emotions.
“Damn you, Arthur Morgan. I’m tryin’ to understand what’s happenin’ in your head but you’re makin’ it so hard. I’ve had enough of it! If you want me to go, I’ll go, but God forbid this will be the last time.” Your words even hurt yourself. It felt like someone was squeezing your heart in their hand. But this dancing back and forth with him again was too much for you. You couldn't stand his strange behavior any longer. You should have let go of this stupid crush a long time ago. Arthur hasn't looked at a woman in the whole time you've been part of the gang. Why would he decide to make an exception with you?
Arthur's mouth opens and closes like a fish, but he can't say a word. He had not expected your outburst of anger at all and was completely speechless. He just wished he was sober at the moment, so that maybe he could say something right. What he says to you next will change the direction of your relationship completely; for better or worse. Arthur's hands started sweating at the thought.
He whispers your name softly, but his voice was at a breaking point. “Don’t say that.” Was all he managed to say. You felt like throwing or smashing something. Why was he being so difficult? What was so bad he couldn’t tell you?
You sigh deeply and nod slowly, "Do you understand how I feel when you behave like this? I just can't take it anymore." You finally let go of his arm and take a step back. You were ready to turn around and return back to the warmth of the fire.
From this distance, Arthur looked so big and strong, but also so vulnerable. He was radiating desperation and panic. He didn't want you to leave and was afraid he would screw it all up for the rest of his life. And he hated the way alcohol made him behave. Before he even realized what he was saying, the words were already pouring out.
“Jus’ go back to that man a’ yours then and leave me here all ‘lone.” He mumbled in annoyance, but loud enough for you to hear.
“El whisky tomo, tomo yo por apetito
Compro mi trago, se me hace muy poquito”
You froze in place at his words. What did he even mean by that? He sounded again so angry but also a little hurt; maybe... jealous. But no- and then suddenly it all made sense. His mood swings, the dancing back and forth and all these strange moments. All this time he was jealous. He thought you were with Javier. But most importantly, it meant that he liked you. A big smile made its way on your lips and you laughed out loud. Oh my God.
It was his turn to stare at you in confusion; he just watches you laugh like a maniac. He wanted to say something but wasn’t quite sure what exactly to say. So he waited for your burst of laughter to end. And once you were able to calm down, you were out of breath and wiping tears from your eyes.
“Are you okay?” He asks with a raised brow. You could hear a hint of concern in his voice that amused you even more. You felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from your shoulders. You could breathe easier and for the first time in a long time, nothing was weighing on your mind.
“Oh, you silly man.” You chuckle and take a few steps towards him, placing your hands on either side of Arthur's face and closing the distance between you, brushing your soft lips against his calloused ones. The kiss caught him by surprise but eventually you could feel him kiss you back with twice the passion. He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you closer, wanting to feel you as close as possible.
You melt into the kiss. You haven’t felt this content in a long while. Having your sweetest of dreams come true was something you never thought would happen but here you were, kissing Arthur in his arms. He tasted like whiskey and tobacco but you didn’t care, even though you didn’t really like either’s taste. This was Arthur. You barely noticed their flavor during the throes of pleasure you were feeling.
Eventually you depart to catch your breaths. For the first time you see nothing but pure happiness in his eyes and it almost makes you burst into tears, tears of happiness. He continues to stare into your eyes as he searches for the right words again. He is still slightly confused.
“I thought-” He begins but you shush him by placing your index finger on his lips.
“I know. He’s just a friend, so no need for you to be jealous.” You intentionally tease. You wanted him to know you had figured it out.
“Jealous? I was never jealous.” Arthur denies, shaking his head. But the corner of his mouth that was pointing upwards was telling otherwise.
“Oh yeah? ‘Jus’ go back to that man a’ yours and leave me here all ‘lone’. Oh and what about-” You tease him some more, mimicking his accent. But before you were able to finish your sentence he cut you off by shushing you the same way you did with him.
“All right, ya made your point, missy.” He lets out a light hearted laugh and you smile at the name he called you.
He pulls you in for another kiss. It was more tender than the last one and it made you fully relax in his embrace. Although Arthur had thought earlier that it would have been better if he had been sober in that situation, he now completely disagreed. He would never have given you the slightest hint that he liked you if he was sober. None of this would have happened and you would still be arguing about nothing. Perhaps his reason, if you can call it reason, worked better in some situations when he was drunk.
Javier watches the love birds from a distance around the campfire and smiles to himself. He is happy for you. He remembers how Arthur's behavior had affected your mood, even though he had tried to comfort you. He knows that from this moment on, you will be bursting with nothing but enthusiasm.
Javier then closes his eyes before singing the last words and playing the last notes of the song.
“Como una taza de tequila de mi abuelito
Todo lo causa la pasión de una mujer”