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“I wish circumstances were different.”
“Look, Cas, we know you got a steaming pile on your plate. There’s no need for apologies. We’re your friends.”
Before Cas can respond, everything on front of him vanishes and he’s in a completely different place.
It’s a grocery store, fruits and vegetables neatly arranged by the properly labelled prices and Cas stares around him, wondering how he got there.
“Excuse me,” comes a voice from behind him and there’s two bags in his face-no, wait that’s an actual person and suddenly, before Cas can actually move, the bags in front of him split open with a resounding sound of them ripping and everything inside of them falls down.
The man in front of him groans and kneels down, dropping the rest of this stuff on the floor.
“I apologize,” Cas says, slowly. It’s dawning on him who the man is.
Bright green eyes meet his and the man cracks a weak smile. “It’s all good, man,” he says as he picks up the apples and the oranges. Cas suddenly realizes that he’s not moving out of shock and starts to help him, but picking up the rest of the stuff.
“Wanna help me load them into my Baby?” he asks and Cas nods.
“Of course, Dean.”
Dean stops and stares at him, eyes wide. “Do I know you?”
“No,” Cas says, realizing. His heart breaks a little, making him wonder how on earth he can feel physical pain. He’s an angel of the lord, this isn’t something that happened very often.
“That’s my name, how did you know?”
“Lucky guess.”
“Yeah, really lucky guess,” Dean says chuckling. “So, what’s your name, princess?”
“What?”
“Eyes that blue, you’re probably a princess in disguise,” Dean winks and Cas feels his heart flutter.
And then, the moment’s gone and he’s standing in the middle of a crowded room, the scent of beer strong in the air. It doesn’t take long to spot him.
Dean Winchester is sitting at the table, a beer half empty in front of him. He’s on his phone, and Cas doesn’t know why he thinks it’s a good idea, but he walks over to Dean and sits on the stool next to him.
“Hi,” Cas says, glad the light is dim in the bar.
“Hey there,” Dean says, smile so bright, Cas wonders whether the stars had learned from him. He’s so busy staring that he forgets how to talk.
“You don’t talk much, do you?” Dean says again, before Cas can interrupt.
Cas smiles at the familiarity in Dean’s voice, the kind that could weave blankets around him and he’d be comfortable for an entire lifetime. “I mostly listen.”
Dean chuckles before he downs a bit of the beer from his bottle. His mouths makes shapes and Cas cannot understand the noises because it’s too loud and so he asks, “Do you wanna go outside?”
Dean nods, swiping his bottle off the table and following Cas so closely that he can feel his breath on the back of his neck and it makes his stomach turn a little.
It doesn’t take long, and soon, Castiel and Dean are lying down on the hood of Dean’s familiar Impala, feeling the hood depress slightly under their combined weights. The world around them’s lost and all Cas can really feel is Dean’s warmth against his coated arm and he feel so at ease.
“That one’s called Big Dipper, apparently. Sammy told me that.”
“Your brother?” Cas asks.
“Yeah, how’d you know that?” Dean asks, confused.
“You mentioned him before.”
He laughs a low laugh, it seeps into Castiel’s veins and holds him down, grounded but still alive. Like there’s something inside of him that’s thrumming to the frequency of Dean’s heartbeat. “Probably did, didn’t I?”
“Tell me about the stars,” Cas says, even though he knows the name of every star that’s visible and invisible to the human eye.
They’re standing in the middle of a crowded train and Cas catches his breath. He hadn’t even realized that he’d been holding, but he was on some sort of perpetual journey of meeting the man he loved the most. A man of stardust and moonlight, a man of righteousness and loyalty. He looks up and just like he expects, he sees Dean Winchester standing in front of him, eyes shut so hard that there are more crinkles by his eyes than Cas can count.
“Dean?”
Dean opens his eyes slowly. “How do you know my name?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Cas says, quickly. He senses pain, or anger or something he can’t quite put his finger on. “What’s wrong?”
“There’s too many people on this goddamn train.”
“Where’s your car?”
“Sammy’s borrowing it,” Dean says, groaning. “Should’ve taken a cab. Or just fucking walked. I didn’t even know there were so many people on this planet.”
The train gives a sudden jerk just then, and Dean’s falling onto Cas’ chest, and the whole world stops.
“S-sorry,” Dean says, breaking the silence first. “Wouldn’t have fallen on you if there was space around here.”
“It’s okay,” Cas says. “Can you close your eyes?”
“Are you going to work some mumbo-jumbo on me?” Dean mutters, but he closes his eyes anyway.
Cas ignores the overwhelming feeling to count his freckles again (because he’s only done it a few million times, hint: it’s close to 1,654) and he grabs Dean’s upper arm. “Take a deep breath.”
“I’m trying.”
“I know, and you’re doing a great job,” Cas says. “Just forget people, focus on my fingers on your arm.”
“Okay,” Dean says, still not convinced.
“What do you see?” Cas asks, gently.
“Uh,” Dean says, and his face turns a bright red. “Your face. We’re on a beach.”
Cas smiles and blushes, glad that Dean’s eyes are closed. “Keep focusing on that.”
He’s standing inside a house now, the furniture and pictures all unfamiliar. Before he can process any more, the doorbell rings. Somehow he knows who it’s going to be and his heart swells a little with happiness.
“Pizza,” Dean says, holding out the pizza that he’d ordered. Because he was the pizzaman. Cas chuckles to himself and Dean stares.
“Something funny on my face? I forgot to check this morning because I was late.”
“No, no,” Cas says quickly. “You look...perfect.”
Dean blushes as he hands the pizza to him. “You’re not so bad yourself. You’re kinda cute actually.”
The house morphs into a brightly lit store of sorts and the furniture is replaced with a million plants, all surrounding him. The bell tinkles and sure enough, a familiar face walks into the store and even though Cas has seen him over a million times, his heart soars again.
“Cas, you son of a bitch,” Dean says, walking over. He doesn’t look angry, but his words seemed to say differently and Cas feels his heart stop beating.
He couldn’t live with himself if he’d done anything to hurt Dean. He wouldn’t have done that, not intentionally anyway. But, he’s always used to breaking things and hurting people around him, it was only a matter of time.
“Did I do anything wrong?” he manages to say once Dean is a few feet away from him.
But, he doesn’t get an answer at all. Because right then, Dean presses his lips against his and that’s when Cas realizes that his heart is fluttering like there’s a million butterflies in them and he feels Dean’s eyelashes graze the top of his eyelids, the solidness of Dean’s hands cupping his face and it’s all so overwhelming, he pulls away.
“What was that for?”
“I told you I loved roses and you sent me a dozen of them to my office, you asshole.”
“Were you not happy with them?”
“No,” Dean says, laughing softly. “You could’ve just asked me out, you dorkhead. I would’ve already said yes. Face like yours.”
Cas laughs a small laugh of relief. “I didn’t think you were into me.”
“Are you kidding?” Dean asks incredulously. “I’m so into you, it hurts to look at you.”
The hallways looks familiar, long and there’s lockers outlining them and Cas feels kind of small. A bell rings somewhere and Cas looks around, as students pour out of their classroom, chattering about the latest class.
High school.
He doesn’t have much time to think about it because he’s being shoved against a locker, head hitting the back of it really hard. A boy with a familiar face is leering at him.
“Out of class so early, Novak? Where’s the ten bucks you owe me?”
Cas opens his mouth to reply, but he can’t because he’s slightly terrified, heart growing so big, he thinks it might explode with fear.
“Leave him alone, Alastair,” comes a voice from behind him, and Alastair loosens his grip on Cas’ collar.
Dean Winchester, in his teenage years looking just as beautiful, is standing there, with a determined look on his face. “Don’t touch him, he’s done nothing to you.”
“Ooh,” Alastair laughs. “Winchester is about to kick my ass for Novak.”
The boys around him all laugh, but Dean seems unfazed. “Leave him alone or I’ll punch you myself.”
Alastair hesitates for a second, and then it all happens so fast that Cas only blinks and he misses it all. Dean’s arms are around him and Alastair is on the floor, nose bloody and all the boys around him are all staring at Dean with part awe and part terror.
“You okay?”
Cas can’t respond because Alastair is cutting him off again. “Defending your boyfriend again, Winchester?”
Dean turns around, gaze steelier than Cas can ever remember. “Yeah, maybe he is. But, what would you know about love? You’ve never experienced, it have you?”
Cas can’t describe what’s going on in his mind. He misses having only a few thoughts at a time, but then his mind started crowding itself with a million thoughts about just one man. A man who deserved the whole universe and just a little bit more.
He’s in a narrower hallway this time, and instead of lockers, there’s doors instead and he reads what looks like a label on one of them. “Castiel and Chuck”. He pushes open the door and peers inside.
College. It hits him that he’s in a dormitory, with other classmates and people that all go to the same college as he does.
“Hey, Cas?” comes a heart-achingly familiar voice from behind him, and he spins around.
And he knows he should be expecting this, now that he’s seen Dean in so many universes, and it seems like the stars are aligning and they’re bringing them close together each time, but that doesn’t mean his heart can stop freaking out.
“Dean.” So familiar, that one word that he’s found himself uttering time and time again, while he’s awake and while he’s asleep.
“I hope you’ve uh, been feeling the same things as me lately. And uh, I like you and I was hoping we could go to the fall festival as more than friends.”
Cas hesitates, but only because the words won’t form in his mouth. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And Dean jumps in.
“Only if you want to, though.”
He still can’t form any words, so he just leans forward and kisses him straight on the mouth. It’s so painless and so full of life, Cas is bursting in all his angelic glory.
“Cas?”
He jerks himself back to the present and sees Dean standing in front of him, eyes wide. Sam is gone. Apparently they are done with the conversation they were having. “You okay, buddy?”
He nods. “I’m okay, Dean. Just thinking.”
“Really?” Dean grins. “About what?”
“Just about life.”
“Philosophical today, aren’t we?”
“Yes, Dean.”
“Okay,” Dean says, clapping him on the shoulder. “Gotta go clean up those guns. Meet me inside in a bit?”
He nods.
“Dean?”
“Yep?” he says, turning on his heel. “What’s up?”
“We’re in this together, right?”
Dean raises an eyebrow. “Yeah? Why wouldn’t we be?”
“Just wondering,” Cas says, smiling. “You and me, come whatever, right?”
Dean softens. “You and me, come whatever. We’re family, Cas. Nothing’s getting between us.”
And that was when Cas realized that the more he tried to fight it, the more universe would always try to throw Dean Winchester his way. Their lives were intertwined in a way that couldn’t be unraveled. Their connection ran deeper than any either of them had to other people, other friends. It was an unspoken bond of emotional, mental, physical and spiritual connection that the both of them needed to get through the day. And the only thing Cas realized is that he was, is and always would be head over heels in love with the man he gripped tight and raised from perdition.
“I wish circumstances were different. I wish we’d met in a normal universe where the only responsibility I had was loving you, so that our love story would be greatest love story ever told, a tale that can be found within the very fabric of the universe we live in and a song so epic, people will sing it for generations to come.”