Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

"I'm going to kill you later, Shinra."

"Right. And then you'll have no friends."

The doctor smiled sweetly up at Izaya, who glared back from his uncomfortable seat on the examination table. Earlier that very morning, he had been happily negotiating with Shiki regarding the alteration of a certain confidential file. But one kidnapping later— a kidnapping that Celty had been slightly too pleased to carry out —he had found himself an unwilling test subject in Shinra's lab.

"If it works, I'll be able to turn you right back!" Shinra said, slightly imploringly.

"And if it doesn't work?" Izaya asked dryly; Shinra's smile cracked just a bit.

"Well... we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it, right? B-But I'm 82% sure it'll work out just fine!"

Izaya's eyes narrowed. "82%, Shinra? Really? Human trials at 82%?"

The doctor's smile weakened. "83?"

Izaya sighed, then looked down helplessly at his bound wrists. "I guess I don't have much of a choice anyway, do I?" he asked resignedly, and the doctor's eyes brightened.

"Not exactly!"

Again Izaya sighed, then inclined his head. "Go on then, go on. What's the worst that could happen?"

Shinra clapped his hands excitedly, letting out a little cheer as he hurried to the control panel. Celty appeared at his shoulder to watch, and Izaya shifted into a more comfortable position.

"You're turning me right back if this works, got it?"

"Of course! I'll run a few tests and turn you right back!"

"N-No, Shinra, not a few—"

"Right! A few tests and I'll—"

"Shinra—!"

But the argument was cut off prematurely by a banging on the apartment door. Shinra ignored it, even if Izaya and Celty both looked up.

"Shouldn't you—?" Izaya began, but Shinra gave a little yelp as he pressed a final button.

"Sequence initiated!" he announced, an evil gleam in his eyes. "No stopping it now!"

Celty and Izaya both bristled at the sound of a door being torn off its hinges.

"Iiiii... zaaa... yaaa..."

"Oh shit." Izaya went white, then tugged anxiously at his restraints. "Shinra... Shinra, let me out...! Shinra, Shinra now...!"

"No can do!" the doctor chirped, leaning lackadaisically on the control panel. "The process can't be stopped now, anyway. I'd stop struggling, if I were you. Those restraints can even hold Shizuo if need be, so you'll only manage to bruise your wrists."

"You're a sick bastard, Shinra...!" Izaya gave a strained laugh, trying to get his feet under him and finding it impossible with the restraints. "I'm really going to get you for this one...!"

Shinra smiled serenely as the machines began to hum. "Sorry, Iza-chan. But I'll make sure Shizuo doesn't take advantage, I promise." He held up his right hand in a mock pledge. "On my honor."

"Fuck you..." Izaya said weakly, even as the angry footsteps grew closer to the lab. Celty moved to the door just as one Shizuo Heiwajima burst through, murder gleaming in his eyes.

"Found you," he growled, upon spotting Izaya. Ignoring Celty completely, he strode towards the experimental apparatus.

"Shizuo, I'm glad you're here!" Shinra called, moving to intercept him. "You're just in time to— whoa!" the doctor exclaimed as Shizuo picked him up— gently, to his credit —and set him down to the side, "W-Wait...!"

"Shinra...!" Izaya called out anxiously, aware of the increased humming from the machines as Shizuo approached him. "Shinra, do something...!"

"Shizuo, you really shouldn't—!" Shinra tried, but not quite in time. The blonde had mounted the platform where the examination table sat, approaching Izaya with a truly evil smile on his face and heedless of the noise from the machinery.

"How convenient. Thanks for the early birthday present, Shinra."

Shizuo tore through the restraints as if they were tissue paper, although only so far as to free the information broker from the table; he made sure they stiff functioned as makeshift handcuffs, taking both ends in one hand and holding them like a leash. Izaya, finally able to get to his feet to put up some token of resistance, glared at Shinra over Shizuo's head.

"They can 'even hold Shizuo?'" he asked flatly, and the doctor shrugged.

"It isn't as if I've ever tried to hold Shizuo. I'm not completely mad."

"That's entirely up for debate," Izaya said with an unamused laugh, hands held up as they were by the improvised bonds. The control panel Shinra was stationed beside gave a sudden and furious beeping, and Izaya used the momentary distraction to twist like a cat in Shizuo's grip. His feet clamped around the blonde's wrist, jerking hard enough to make a startled Shizuo loosen his grip on the restraints for a split second. That was all Izaya needed to slip away, although not unchallenged; with a roar, Shizuo grabbed the exam table and lifted it, ignoring Shinra's shouted warning.

The machines sizzled to life, firing a strange white light from either side just as Shizuo launched the metal table. Izaya dived out of the way of both the Ray of Death and projectile furniture, but Shizuo was a bit less lucky. He noticed his unfortunate location a fraction of a second too late, and the strange bolt of energy hit him in the same instant that the table smashed through a whole bank of machinery.

Shinra gasped with excitement as smoke filled the lab. Celty, alternatively, ran for the fire extinguisher.

"Hoooo...!" Izaya exclaimed, waving one hand near his face to keep the smoke at bay. "Glad I wasn't a part of that!"

"There wouldn't have been any explosion if not for the thrown table!" Shinra said defensively.

Celty reappeared with the fire extinguisher in hand, although she panicked and ended up bathing herself in foam before managing to direct it toward the smoking equipment. Shinra crept cautiously out from behind the control panel he was still hiding behind.

"Shizuo...?" the doctor called hesitantly, then craned his neck as the smoke began to clear. "Shizuo? Can you hear me?"

In the next heartbeat, an alarmingly heavy medical book was flung out from the haze. Shinra yelped, just barely dodging it as the wrecked platform finally became visible.

"What the hell did you do to me?!"

His voice was shockingly squeaky, and Izaya choked on a laugh. Shizuo Heiwajima, a familiar expression of rage plastered across his face, tried to storm forward... only to trip over his far too-long pant legs, falling flat on his face.

This time, Izaya burst out laughing. But above the laughter came a single, cheering shout from Shinra as the doctor threw his hands up.

"It worked!"