Chapter Text
There is only so much a man can take.
Goose says this out loud in the booth at the O Club head on the table (which considering how sticky it is, is not a good thing to do) and Slider pats him on the arm and pours him another shot of vodka in sympathy.
“I hear you Mother Goose”
“I can’t Sli I just…I just can’t”
“I know. I can’t either”
Goose forces his head up from the table with more strength than it should take and he stares at his fellow RIO who is looking at him over his shot of vodka with sympathetic eyes.
“You have the same problem too?”
Slider ignores the obvious.
“I think we all do Mother Goose. It has to stop.”
Goose sighs and puts his hand on his chin watching.
The object of this conversation is Iceman and Maverick who have been doing this sort of bizzarro mating dance since the mission. Goose who had been in hospital getting what felt like half his body put back together had missed it but apparently Maverick and Iceman are wingmen now, on every recruiting poster known to man and the class of 86 are spending a few months as teachers before being posted.
Which is nice. Because Goose likes being this close to his family for Christmas. He’s not quite sure what he would have done if this, the first Christmas since his injures had seen him sent overseas.
The other problem is the PINING.
With Caps Locks people.
Goose has seen Mav lust after people before. Charlie was the latest in a long line of people but this? This is something different. This is Maverick eating, breathing and sleeping another person. And it’s clearly replicated if the come hither looks Iceman is sending over are anything to go by.
But neither one of them will do anything about it.
Goose is a patient man, a kind and loving man, a family man.
But if he has to spend his Christmas dinner hearing Maverick wax poetic about Iceman’s ass he is going to beat his friend over the head with Granny Bradshaw’s glass plate until he is quite simply dead.
And then he might have to kill himself.
He’d sent Mav to the bar in order to have this conversation with Sli but the drinks are all but forgotten as Iceman has gotten himself into a conversation with an admittedly attractive small brunette girl. And Mav is throwing looks that would set the room on fire.
“Jesus” Slider says downing the last of his vodka. “We need to do something Mother Goose. There is only so much of Ice I can take.”
“That bad huh?”
“You remember the other night when Mav got picked up by that blonde with the huge tits?”
Goose winced because yeah he did.
“Yeah”
“Three hours of pre-flight checks before he took us up in the air and enough sighing for us to fly on our own. Seriously the man’s…I don’t know what it is but the man is in love”
“Mine too”
“So what the hell are they doing?”
Goose shrugs. Aint that the age old question.
“Bugger if I know” is all he says. “Slider I can’t take this in the New Year. We need to help them get their shit together.”
“Agreed.”
They clink their shot glasses and down another and Goose really should stop because when the room is getting his blurry it’s never a good sign for him but instead he pours another.
“So what did you have in mind?”
“Let’s dress Mav up as a Christmas present and dump him in Ice’s lap”
Goose means it as a joke but Slider turns to him with that look that never means well.
“Mother Goose what a splendid idea”
“It is?”
“Panties”
Goose inhales his shot of vodka. Slider the decent and patient man that he is waits until he is sure he isn’t going to hack himself to death before he speaks.
“Panties”
“Panties?”
“Well you said wrap him up like a present and leave him under the tree”
Oh Jesus, Mary mother of God, Goose did not need that image in his head.
Slider pours him another shot.
“Think about it” he says persuasively. “It might be exactly what we need. The push over the edge. Lust into love—”
“You sound like a True Lifetime trailer”
“Mother Goose…look”
And Goose looks, now Mav has the girl on his arm and Ice is staring at her as it he wants to body chuck her out of the window and throw Maverick down on the bar and go to town. Yeah this has reached drastic times.
“I could make it so Maverick loses a bet” he says playing out the scenario in his head as if he was in the plane.
“Yes” Slider says sliding closer. “I can have a word with the guys and let them know. Shouldn’t be too hard everyone knows that the pining has gotten out of hand. Everybody knows were in for a miserable Christmas if we don’t get these two together. And actually” he says eyeing Maverick in a way that Goose would really like not to see again.
“Him in panties should be fun for all of us”
Goose just slams his head back onto the table with a groan.
Actually it isn’t that hard to put all the pieces in place.
That should have worried Goose somewhat but after another day or so of Maverick sighing and tossing and turning in his bunk it was enough to convince him.
The bet was easy to set up. Try not to get shot down in their last Hop before Christmas Eve. Maverick would wear the panties (supplied by Slider on the promise that they were clean and that nobody else had worn them—Goose had slung them into the washing machine on the safe side which Carole had cackled from the couch). Goose’s side of the bet was to keep Bradley occupied during Christmas Day. It was such an easy bet because Maverick might say that but come Christmas Day, Bradley would cuddle up to Uncle Mav and that would be the end of it.
Slider is as good on his word and everyone is on board when they ‘lose’ the Hop. Carole convinces him to bring in some of her Christmas cookies (he is mobbed by every pilot in the place bar Viper who tells then sternly they are not children and then promptly takes the largest cookie in the box) and that’s enough to distract Maverick from how he lost the Hop—e.g—Goose not helping, long enough for him to drop the bag of panties in Mav’s lap.
Maverick to be fair takes it like a champ.
And so it begins.
Tom is having a good day.
Ish.
Okay so he’s nursing a slight throbbing headache from that last beer the night before, he’s helplessly, hopeless, utterly in love with his Wingman whose not even remotely interested in him (or even men for that matter) but he’s had two cookies and managed to outfly Maverick for once so…good day all round really.
Okay so it is a little bit odd that he and Slider have beaten Maverick and Goose but Slider tells him to stop worrying about it and he supposes that his RIO has a point.
(Not that he’s ever telling Slider that)
He’s in a happy mood all day. They are a bit like kids who can see the holidays in sight. This is the last Hop before Christmas and Tom entertains the idea of briefly asking Maverick if he wants to catch a bite with him and perhaps going to a nice restaurant, or at least somewhere they serve steak and then maybe going for a walk and…
Christ he is pathetic.
He’s out the shower and everyone is acting…odd. It’s hard to pinpoint what it is but Goose kicks off his boots and Slider talks about his son and Goose lights up like a kid himself and tells everyone that Bradley wants for his Christmas present for Santa on his magical F-14 (because Santa flies an F-14) to launch him off an aircraft carrier and even Tom cracks a smile at that and he turns around to see if Maverick is actually going to be insane enough to offer (because nothing would surprise him) and then…
And then…
He’s dimly aware that he must have dropped his deodorant can (Thank God it’s not his towel) and that the conversation behind him has stopped a little but he can’t tear his eyes away.
Because Maverick is in panties.
Maverick is in panties.
And just not any kind of panties. The red lace kind.
The red lace kind.
These panties are a thing of fucking beauty if Tom does say so himself. They hug Maverick’s hips and then dip down to create a lovely v between his dimpled ass cheeks that on more than one occasion Tom has envisioned sinking his teeth into. They are a dark red which just pops against Maverick’s tan skin and as Maverick turns Tom can see the lace keeping the (huge, his brain supplies helpfully) cock trapped in and Oh dear God in heaven there is a little bow.
Dimly he reaches out and pinches his upper thigh harshly. Yep. Not a dream.
So just a heart attack then.
Sounds about right.
He’s so enraptured by them that he can’t look away and he wants to but he just…either Tom’s done something very right recently or he has really pissed off God.
He’s so enraptured by them he doesn’t noticed Slider and Goose discreetly fist bump each other or Hollywood mutter to Wolfman that you would look good in those.
There’s a low whistle and cheeks burning he forces his attention to Slider who is wearing an expression of such innocence it wouldn’t have fooled a first year at the Academy. Maverick blushes the same red as his underwear and…oh that was a bad thought to have.
Bad Iceman, Bad.
There’s something here he can’t put his finger on but to be fair his attention is taken by Maverick in…Good Lord he’s getting so hard he’s going to need another shower.
“Nice Mav” Slider cackles and Maverick blushes again.
“Your just jealous you can’t pull this off Slider” he says with a smirk. Slider makes a kissing face and then turns to Goose.
“Remind me never to lose a bet with you Mother Goose”
Goose. This unholy torture has been Goose’s idea?
Tom doesn’t know if he should thank him or hit him.
Maybe both.
“Yeah well” Goose says in that aw shucks way he has. “Perks to Mav to having the balls to wear them”
“Literally” Slider mutters and then everyone disintegrates into a laugh. Even Maverick and it’s the prettiest laugh Tom has ever seen in his life.
“How long Goose got you in those?” Slider asks because he is a cruel man who likes to torment Tom and the bottle of whiskey he was giving his RIO is now going to someone else.
“The rest of the day. Had to fly in them as well”
Oh Dear God.
But Maverick is nothing if not his name and once he’s got a group of pilots watching him he takes the bait and rises like a fucking bird from the ground. Usually it would be great to watch but Tom’s only got so much attention span and he thinks his brain might have dribbled out of his ears a long time ago.
“Actually they are surprisingly comfortable in the air” he says dropping the rest of his pants and bending over to pick them up and there is an image Tom is going to use every morning and every night in the shower with his hand on his cock until New Years and possibly beyond.
“Oh?”
He is going to push Slider off the next aircraft carrier they are on because why is he prolonging this torture? Let Tom go back to the shower so he can drown himself in between rubbing his dick raw like any other self-preserving man.
“Yeah, no chafing and the vibrations are extremely pleasant”
The cocky shit flashes Slider a wink who winks back and Tom feels the urge to punch Slider’s face into the nearest locker.
“I heard they do them in other colours as well” Goose says with that dimpled perfect smile that promises trouble. “Red, blue, green, black, hey these even came with a little lace top but I thought that was as bit too much…what do you think Ice?”
Tom snaps his gaze to Goose and tries to look unaffected. Considering Wolfman is practically shaking with laughter he’s not entirely sure he’s succeeded. Maverick turns to look at him and Tom realises with a swoop that Maverick hasn’t cottoned on to his mental breakdown at all.
Which is good…because Maverick is not interested in him at all.
Right?
Oh God even his thoughts sound hysterical.
“Nice” he says finally and then when he is sure that he has the power of speech back he smirks.
“Real nice Mitchell”
“Thank you” Maverick says with a wink. “Glad someone appreciates the effort Ice”
“Oh believe me Maverick we all apricate the effort. Ice don’t you agree?”
Tom slams his locker shut.
He is throwing Slider overboard tonight, he’ll just kidnap the fucker and drag him to an aircraft carrier.
But Maverick has also turned back to his locker and says to the metal.
“Might get more of them if you’ve got the name of the place where you got these from”
The problem Tom thinks even as his brain detaches from his body, is that you never know if Maverick is serious or not when he comes out with something like this. You really…it really is hard to tell.
There’s a slight stunned silence from the rest of them and then Maverick winks at them all and saunters (yeah that’s right fucking saunters) to the showers.
“Right well” Slider says with an air of bringing the conversation back to a land he recognises. “That was fun. Come on…paperwork won’t get done in time for Christmas without help”
And with that he slaps Goose on the shoulders and one by one the pilots leave. Tom picks up his lone can of deodorant and stares at the shower. Maverick has slung the panties over the edge of the door. It would be so…so easy to open it and slip in and replace Mav’s hands soaping his skin with his own and press every line of his body…
He slams his head against the locker door and breathes in and out. Even if Mav is interested (and Ice is sure he’s not) nothing could happen here…anyone could walk in.
So he dresses in silence and slips out.
But fuck if his flight uniform doesn’t feel forced.
Everyone waits behind the wall and then Goose hi fives Slider.
“Well” Wolfman says fanning himself a little. “If that doesn’t work then I don’t know what will”
“Indeed” Goose says looking pale. “I never want to hear that much detail about Mav and his underwear ever again”
“Speak for yourself” Slider mutters.
“You are a filthy wicked man”
“Why thank you Mother Goose”
“Boys” comes a voice and they look up and snap to attention. It’s Viper and Goose is remembering a scene from another lifetime when his own father used to stand at the banister looking down on him as he sneaked into see if he could catch Santa in the act.
“Like the rest of us I want to get home for Christmas too so can we please stop gossiping like High School girls and get the eons of paperwork that you have all left to the last minute done so we can perhaps ring in the holiday with our loved ones?”
They mumble and slouch off like children who have been caught with their hands in the cookie jar and it’s only Goose who remains because he doesn’t know if Viper has heard but…
But not for nothing is Viper, Viper because Goose doesn’t have to even think of asking the question before the man chimes in.
“Lieutenant?”
“Yes?”
“I’m not asking and you’re not telling. But I do have a rather nice bottle of vintage scotch depending on those two fuckers getting their shit together by the time we ring in the New Year. So do make sure I win won’t you”
“Sir yes Sir”
Goose could have sworn Viper winks but the man is gone before he can open his mouth again and clearly, clearly it was a trick of the light.