Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

' I… dream… of love'

Jeonghan stands in front of a wall, hands behind his back. The cream coloured wall reflects light onto his face as he squints and reads some more, 'We’re… still here.'

He stays there, pursing his lips as he tries to remember all the English lessons he has had in his life. But giving up on comprehending the graffiti, he turns and walks leisurely towards the left. The wall seems to be the back of some shop. The space around it is empty, filled with nothing but sunlight. As far as Jeonghan can see, there’s only light and light and light ahead of him. So he naturally tries to find the entrance of the building. 

The dream is as bizarre as it can get, and Jeonghan has experienced such things so many times that he doesn’t give much of a reaction. There’s a large white kitten on top of the one-storey building, alive and kicking. It rests its huge body along the length of the roof and cleans its paws in leisure. A snowy white tail flicks back and forth above Jeonghan as he crosses the next wall and gusts of wind ruffles his hair. 

“You’re cute!” Jeonghan yells to the kitten, but the kitten seems to be minding its own business, so Jeonghan huffs and looks ahead to see a door at last. Ah! It’s a cafe. Jeonghan hums to himself as he steps towards it and waves the kitten goodbye. The kitty pays no heed, not even perking up when the welcome bells of the cafe ring. 

When he heads inside the cafe, the atmosphere changes. The cafe is warmer in colour, no longer in the sunlight way, but the autumn way. The rugs, the drapes, the signs and the lights are all warm in colour, matching the wooden furniture around. The cafe also looks narrower than what it appeared to be outside. A couple of tables are scattered around, with some extra chairs lining across the counter. On the counter there are glass cabinets full of sweets and breads. There’s a fancy beer dispenser near them too. The empty counter gives way to a door which seems to be the staff’s room or kitchen or both. Who knows.

Jeonghan sighs and sits down on a stool near the counter, eyeing a cheesecake, but then he frowns. Slowly but surely, a pop song starts playing through some invisible speakers. Jeonghan doesn’t mind music, he likes music, but there’s a mood to everything. Whatever this song is, it’s just tampering with the mood. The mood is for autumn songs! Slow ballads! Lovely drama OSTs!

Then he hears a line which helps him confirm what song it is. The line is in English and according to what Joshua told him, it means ‘Your life is a pain in the ass, while mine is dreamy like a movie’ and is a Blackpink song. Yoon Jeonghan has heard this song only twice or thrice. Once in the radio, once maybe because Seungkwan keeps belting it and once because when they went to the karaoke Choi Seun-

“Choi Seungcheol, the bane of my existence!” Jeonghan yells. This is definitely Choi Seungcheol’s dream, isn’t it? Seungkwan won’t dream of such cheesy things and he has some sense of when to play what music. This song must make sense in a club or party. Seungkwan will cringe if this is his dream. This has to be Choi Seungcheol.

The moment he yells out in frustration, the cafe starts crumbling around him. It is nothing new, dreams are dynamic and can make things or break things in a second, constructing and reconstructing at a whim. Jeonghan holds on to his chair, which seems to be the only thing corporeal in this changing world. However, soon his hands don’t graze against polished wood but hard cushion.

He’s in a train — subway, actually — sitting on the bench. Jeonghan cannot make sense of whether the vehicle is moving or not, as the windows show nothing but pure light. The compartment is empty, save for a man sitting in front of him on the bench across. The man is clad in casual clothes: a pair of jeans, a tee shirt, a jacket and a black cap. He seems to be deeply invested in his mobile phone, tapping and tapping away as he holds it horizontally. His face isn’t visible, but looking at his physique, Jeonghan can recognize him anywhere.

“Choi Seungcheol!” He calls out.

Normally, Jeonghan doesn’t interrupt someone’s dream this early on. He loiters in the background, watches some drama unfold, judges someone for their bizarre choices, marvels at the weird insects or organisms and generally keeps away. But then he gets bored. One should know that Yoon Jeonghan gets bored only when things aren’t spicy enough. So he makes a cameo! Or he just tampers with details here and there to see if he can change the dream’s direction. There is no guarantee as to what will happen, but Jeonghan has his fun. 

Tonight should be no less fun, but Jeonghan already feels bored! The kitten didn’t play with him, the setting of the dream isn’t detailed enough and there’s only plain old Choi Seungcheol in the dream. What is he doing, dreaming of empty public places while playing mobile games? Who does that, honestly?

Choi Seungcheol looks up from his mobile, wide eyed and goes, "You…  oh… "

Jeonghan doesn’t think much, he just crosses one leg over the other, leans back and smiles. "What's up, Choi Seungcheol?" He says.

He regrets his decisions the moment Seungcheol’s reaction comes. No, not through his face but through the setting of the dream. As corny as it is, a song starts playing, and a male voice sings ' it's a beautiful life, i'll stay by your side, it's a beautiful life, i'll stand right behind you' . Jeonghan's eyes twitch as the train compartment tints a pretty pink, and a whole different ambience is made. The automatic doors open and… and cherry blossom petals flow in. They float in the air like the power of love is making them fly and they fall as slowly as possible, creating a scene that can make hopeless romantics froth in their mouths. 

Jeonghan sighs as discreetly as possible, but then a baby pink petal lands on his cheek with the power of love, and he goes, “Um?”

Then he goes, “Um?” again, but this time louder, because Choi Seungcheol rises from his seat, looking at him intently as if wanting to gently remove the petal from his face. What 'as if'? He's definitely planning to do that only. 

When the owner of the dream moves, all the flower petals around him like he is the eye of a flower tornado. If Jeonghan has to admit his honesty, he thinks Choi Seungcheol looks cool like this, because the cap pushes his bangs over his face, making his eyes look darker. His eyes are fixed on Jeonghan, intense with feelings. He crosses the aisle in the slowest movements, and Jeonghan is both dreading and anticipating what he will do. He has an inkling as to what he will do, of course. Something cheesy, fit for the song playing right now. But when Seungcheol meets his eyes properly and kneels down, in a knee jerk reaction, Jeonghan does the unthinkable. Jeonghan slaps Choi Seungcheol across the face

He is so shocked, he cannot even gasp out loud.

“Um” Jeonghan says, wide eyed. Choi Seungcheol’s face is turned slightly to the left, and he himself isn’t moving with the shock. But then he meets Jeonghan’s eyes again, and his eyes aren’t intense anymore. They are moist with unshed tears. Jeonghan tries to think of what to do, but then the setting changes again and Jeonghan has to sit tight again. The train crumbles around them, a void forming and disappearing as another setting appears, and the entire time, Choi Seungcheol keeps an eye contact with him, making him feel guilty. 

When the dream world stabilises, Jeonghan finds some courage, breaks eye contact and looks around. The first thing he notices is that the cherry blossom petals are now on the ground, scattered and shrivelled up. Jeonghan gulps, moving his gaze again. They are on the top of a hill, in the middle of winter. Jeonghan had been sitting on the cushion seat, but now he sits on a lone wooden bench on the top of the hill, barely shaded by the naked tree in the middle of the hill. Seunghcheol had kneeled on the floor to face Jeonghan, and he is still kneeling, but on snow. Thankfully, both of them wear warm clothes, but Jeonghan feels too cold despite the layers and layers he donnes. He suppresses a shiver as Seungcheol places a warm hand on his knee. The contrast sends him into another shock, but he clearly hears what  Seungcheol says.

"... Why do you do this to me? " Seungcheol whispers, squeezing Jeonghan’s cold knee with his warm hand. "What do I mean to you, Jeonghan?"

This is a dream, Jeonghan reminds himself, not a soap opera. This is not reality. Seungcheol and him are not actually here in the middle of the winter. Seungcheol is not actually remorseful, and he’s not asking the meaning of their relationship. 

Before he can articulate, he says, "I mean, you're literally just my classmate" 

However, this is not his dream. He can throw any cruel words he wants anywhere else, but this is Seungcheol’s dream, not his. Seungcheol ought to get hurt by this, no matter how true or false it is. From an ethical standpoint, Jeonghan should not have said this. And taking that into consideration, Jeonghan should have stayed away. He should have let Seungcheol enjoy his mobile game in empty public places. 

“Sorry” Jeonghan says, as he sees Seungcheol’s heartbroken expression, and abruptly stands up. Calculating his chances — which he doesn’t know, because god knows what this hill is and what the terrain further than here is — he should run as fast as he can. Pushing Seungcheol away, he sprints down the slope, skidding a little on the grass which then turns to wet sand. 

"Huh?" Jeonghan tries to wade his way through the heavy sand but can not. Suddenly, he has to stand still as powerful winds start flowing around him, ruffling his hair and overcoat. Jeonghan squints his eyes shut as he gets splattered by sand and water and seaweeds. What a volatile dream, honestly, he thinks. A hand latches on to his wrist. 

"Leave my hand" Jeonghan tries to yell, but water pours into his mouth and he splutters. Unable to see and now unable to speak. Great. However, while the water is inconvenient, Jeonghan realizes that it also serves as a lubricant to twist his arm away from Seungcheol and he gets to work. Twist, twist, twist, anddd freedom. Jeonghan yells like a pirate to celebrate and starts stomping away from Seungcheol. 

"Jeonghan-ah!" Seungcheol says behind him, wet splotches on sand indicating that Seungcheol is catching up with him. Jeonghan does his best to hurry up, but the biggest piece of seaweed in the — dream — world smacks on his face, giving him an actual whiplash. He peels it off while cringing and stomping his legs and sees that he's actually heading into the violent sea. Great, he thinks, and takes a needed detour to the left. 

"Jeonghan— Jeonghan-ah, listen!"

Jeonghan ponders on what he should do as he waddles off. What should one do when they are caught in a thunderstorm at the seashore? Jeonghan squints and squints but he cannot see much farther, nor can he hear anything other than the wailing wind and the wailing Choi Seungcheol. If only he can shut at least one of them up. 

Ah. Maybe he can. 

As an idea clicks in his mind, Jeonghan turns and faces Seungcheol. "Choi Seungcheol!" He yells. 

"Jeonghan-ah!"

Jeonghan takes a deep breath to prepare himself, and then yells, "Choi Seungcheol, if you love me, stop right where you are"

It works, because Seungcheol stops the very instance, bound by the power of love he has for Jeonghan. The wind and the rain obstruct Jeonghan's vision of him, but anyone can realize Seungcheol is looking desperate and heartbroken. Regardless, Jeonghan must go on. 

"And— and stop this madness! Calm down!"

The storm is not affected in any manner, and Jeonghan tsks in defeat. What should he say now? 

"Wake up!" Jeonghan yells. "Wake up, Choi Seungcheol, you have to wake up right now!"

Seungcheol doesn't understand for some reason, frowning and shaking his head. "No, no!" He yells back, making Jeonghan feel frustrated beyond limits. 

"Just wake up will yo- What the fuck"

A fishing boat — an actual fucking boat — glides in the air, and with the power of love, smacks Choi Seungcheol right on the face! 

Oh hello there! What a fine morning it is, isn't it? It's a clear October day, with its blue sky, occasional showers of orange leaves, and cool gusts of wind. A fine autumn morning! But as fine as it is, Yoon Jeonghan over here is not fine, thank you very much!

Jeonghan likes to be a nonchalant guy. The cool, unbothered guy, and according to Joshua 'Certified Otaku' Hong , Jeonghan can also be Tanaka-kun from 'Tanaka-kun is always listless' or whatever. He keeps a resting face all the time, and hardly reacts to stuff that doesn't interest him. Jeonghan aspires to be unbothered. He believes in 'Fake it till you make it' , so he is already unbothered from the outside. 

On the inside, however, Jeonghan is pretty uneasy. 

He's walking down the corridor, about to enter the lecture hall on the third floor. He's wearing headphones, has his hoodie and mask on, and is fiddling with his mobile as he passes the door. It's actually a normal thing. At this point, Choi Seungcheol likes to greet him when he enters the room, going all puppy eyes as he sees Jeonghan. Jeonghan always just nods his head and wishes he were invisible. 

Just to clear things up, it's actually not a nuisance sort of thing. Choi Seungcheol doesn't actively pursue him or anything like those annoying I-can't-take-a-no-for-an-answer main leads in movies and dramas. He does none of that. He's the most perfectly respectable gentleman ever. It's just that Jeonghan is painfully aware of his feelings. Jeonghan has the curse of knowledge. 'Ignorance is blissful' is the quote he relates to the most these days, because Jeonghan cannot find any bliss anymore, constantly aware that a guy has a crush on him.

Jeonghan feels like he's ignoring a wet puppy in the rain. 

Choi Seungcheol is that exact puppy that comes bounding to you and bounces on your shoes with its entire body weight and shows you its big shiny eyes and whines and expects treats. Puppies are cute! But puppies get attached very quickly! Jeonghan has been curt all the time with Choi Seungcheol, since the start of the semester, but Choi Seungcheol sticks to him… like a puppy. 

There are actually very less chances of Jeonghan getting rid of him. They have too many things in common. They have known of each other from the start, being the Class of 2015 (The year they enrolled in the university) and like most of their peers, both of them went for their enlistment at the same time. Now coming back to college one and a half years later, Jeonghan is left without people he can talk to freely. His classmates are juniors, or seniors rejoining the class. Well, that's the case since the first year, because this is college, not high school anymore, but it feels more comfortable to interact with someone born in the same year as Jeonghan. Plus, Choi Seungcheol has enrolled for the same classes as him, so Jeonghan really needs to engage in some integrative bargaining. Be friends with the puppy.

Coming back to the puppy, Choi Seungcheol doesn't greet him today. The moment Jeonghan doesn't sense his presence, he feels dread creep up his spine. In a subtle way, he lifts his gaze as he goes and sits on the fourth row. 

"Well, fuck" He mutters to himself. Choi Seungcheol is not even sitting at the front like he usually does. So Choi Seungcheol isn't in the class yet. Did the nightmare affect him too much?  Imagine dreaming about your crush, getting slapped and rejected by your crush, then having scenes in all sorts of seasons, then a break-up (?) scene or something and then finally getting hit by a boat in a storm. 

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" Jeonghan mutters, head in his hand. 

The class fills up soon enough, most of the students jittery for their presentations. Jeonghan is not giving one, but he feels extra guilty because one, he gave Choi Seungcheol a nightmare, and that too a night before a class presentation. And two, he's absent for the presentation now.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck" Jeonghan mutters again.

"Hyung are you alright?" Soonyoung says, sitting down next to him. The two of them were supposed to come together, but Soonyoung insisted on practising the presenting part once more. "Are you nervous?"

Jeonghan manages to huff out a chuckle. "How can I be nervous when you're here? You'll do great!"

Jeonghan knows this presentation will go well because he has the extraordinary Kwon Soonyoung in his team who will lead the presentation. There were five people in his team and because he made the presentation and did some of the research, he conveniently bailed out of presenting. This is the exact situation with Lee Jihoon too. So when it's their chance, the two of them stand near the monitor, managing the slides while the other three group members do the presentation part. While Lee Jihoon is being attentive, Jeonghan cannot help but feel distracted. There's no Choi Seungcheol in the front row. Somehow it just feels wrong to Jeonghan.

After receiving feedback on their presentation, Jeonghan's team moves away from the podium, giving space to Kim Mingyu's team. Jeonghan remembers that Choi Seungcheol is coincidentally in his best friend's team, so he lingers behind for a second, listening to Kim Mingyu and the professor's conversation.

"Gyosu-nim, about my group member Choi Seungcheol, he has a personal issue today—"

"—Mhmm, I received an email from him, I will do the needful so don't worry. You may proceed with the presentation."

"That's a relief, gyosu-nim."

Hearing this, Jeonghan walks to his seat next to Soonyoung and succumbs to it. Kim Mingyu and the group members start their presentation as Jeonghan barely concentrates. Watching it, for the first time without Choi Seungcheol's presence, Jeonghan prays for invisibility. 

"Why is Mr. Yoon Jeonghan sulking right now?" is how Joshua greets him when he walks to their table. 

Joshua Hong is American, suave and handsome, and he's Jeonghan's best friend. He used to be Jeonghan's classmate three semesters back but because Jeonghan went for his enlistment and Joshua is American, they don't have the compatible schedules now. Not that they had compatible schedules before, owing to their different majors, but at least the kinship of being in the same year was there. Joshua is now a senior while Jeonghan is in the same class and their schedule never matches other than evening dates on Thursdays, Saturdays and lunch on Mondays. 

Jeonghan sighs. 

"I know right" Joshua says, sitting down next to him. Jeonghan sighs again. "Mood, Jeonghan-ah, what a mood. What happened?" 

Jeonghan has actually never told him about the whole dream thing. At first it was because he wasn't sure what the hell was happening, but then enlistment happened and their contact became less frequent. Jeonghan still felt close to Joshua because he hopped onto his dreams sometimes, but he feels very guilty that he does so. He thinks Joshua might not like such a breach of privacy. Jeonghan cannot help it, so he keeps it under wraps. Which also means he cannot rant to Joshua about this Choi Seungcheol situation. 

'Yeah so LOL I can hop into people's dreams and I hopped into Choi Seungcheol's dream yesterday and gave him a combo of heartbreak and a nightmare LMAO he's absent today and so I think I traumatised him Joshuji what do I do now.' isn't something that Jeonghan can say now, can he? 

"I finished Goblin" Jeonghan settles to say. No he didn't. He's still an episode or two away. 

But it works, because Joshua nods in understanding, his expression going solemn, "I have heard it's sad. And by heard, I mean Seokmin wailed into my ears about it" He says, frowning. 

"Don't say anything bad about my boy Seokminnie" Jeonghan says immediately. He's a Lee Seokmin Defender and Apologist. And he loves picking the other side so as to annoy Joshua. 

Joshua's mouth pinches and Jeonghan feels satisfied, but he thinks he should not tease Joshua much. He then pats his head like a good hyung and asks, "Did you watch anything recently?"

Joshua's eyes twinkle immediately, and the irritation is forgotten. "I did! A small anime. It has crime, murder, mystery and everything. Right up your alley."

"Nope," Jeonghan says, smiling. Because no, he's not a good hyung to Joshua after all. His goodness lasted for what, four seconds this time.

"Did you not process that I said 'crime, murder, mystery'? Stop being a little shit, Yoon Jeonghan"

"The word 'anime' is not up my alley"

"Give it a try, it's just thirteen episodes. It's called —"

"—I don't want to know—"

"— God, you're so annoying"

"Yes"

Joshua sighs in resignation and says with a fond smile, "I'm going to order drinks. Then we'll talk more."

Closing his eyes and leaning against the sofa, Jeonghan says, "Hot chocolate for me"

"You're welcome to get it on your own" 

Jeonghan squints open his eyes and sees Joshua pull a perfect customer service smile as he waves his hand and stands up. 

"Why did I raise you?" He mutters. 

Jeonghan shuts his eyes again, annoyed, and counts under his breath. He has to wait till Joshua comes back so he can dash to the counter before he sees the wide teasing smile again. He raised that boy! The boy is biting the hand that fed! This MZ generation! 

"Jeonghan-ah?"

Startled, Jeonghan opens his eyes and sees the puppy-like Choi Seungcheol in front of him, wearing a white tee, jeans and a pink cap. 

"So you're alive," Jeonghan says in a hurry. Then he realises that he looks a little desperate, so he straightens up nonchalantly and gives him a bored look.

Seungcheol doesn't notice his efforts and asks, confused, "Uh… When did I ever die? and hi!"

"Don't mind that." Jeonghan says, relaxing, "And don't ask me what happened in class, some people's presentations couldn't be covered so next lecture we'll do the same." 

"Oh, um, okay" Seungcheol says, suddenly looking shy. He scratches his cheek. "You noticed I didn't come?"

"No." Jeonghan says curtly, "Kim Mingyu said it out loud to the professor. Loud enough. Loudly."

"Ah, I see," Seungcheol says, nodding and deflating entirely. He's such an open book. And such a sad puppy. 

Jeonghan clears his throat. Why were you absent? Did you not sleep well? If not then, uh, my bad? Is what he has to say.

"Bring me hot chocolate," He says instead. 

Then Jeonghan sees that Seungcheol already has a drink and a takeout in his hands. Huh. Nevermind then. 

"You seem busy. Go," 

"No no, Wait, I'll keep these down and go" Seungcheol replies, turning to keep the takeout on the adjacent table. 

"Just keep it here," Jeonghan says, raising eyebrows at his own table. 

Seungcheol pauses, looking at Joshua's bag on the opposite seat. "It's alright, you seem to be with someone"

"It's just Joshua. Keep it here."

"Oh okay" Seungcheol says, recognizing his bag and relaxing. 

"And take some money," Jeonghan says, fishing into his bag for his wallet. 

"It's alright, I got it" 

"But it's my drink"

"My treat then" Seungcheol says with a smile. 

Choi Seungcheol has a cute smile. His eyes turn into crescent moons and his gums are exposed as he grins. Nothing can ruin the way his face shines.

Jeonghan shrugs. "Okay"

"Met Choi Seungcheol in the line," Joshua says, sitting down. 

Jeonghan opens his eyes again. "Yeah, he's buying me a drink," He says.

Joshua gives him a knowing smile but then shakes his head. "Read the situation sometimes" he says, a little serious.

"What do you mean?"

"He was looking dead tired in the line. Just spacing out. Like there's a lot in his mind" Joshua says quietly, stirring his coffee.

Jeonghan glances towards the counter. There are already three to four people behind Choi Seungcheol now, and he can see him place the order right now. With Joshua suddenly mentioning it, Jeonghan notices that Choi Seungcheol's shoulders are slumped and he is leaning his abdomen against the counter, barely having any energy, it seems. 

"Really?" Jeonghan mutters. Something heavy settles in his stomach, making him uncomfortable.

"Yes"

Jeonghan groans, rubbing his fingers against his temples. "But he was being all happy-go-lucky here! How was I supposed to know?"

"Do I need to spell it out to you, Jeonghan-ah?"

It's a known fact that Choi Seungcheol is totally different when he's around people he likes. That doesn't pertain to just Jeonghan, of course. He's all bubbly around Kim Mingyu, Lee Jihoon, Soonyoung and a few other juniors. He's also sufficiently clingy to Joshua. However, Joshua and Jeonghan have taken in the gayness — at least it's their deduction — which makes Jeonghan the person Seungcheol is most puppy-like with, despite being not much of friends. 

What Joshua is trying to say is that Choi Seungcheol must view Jeonghan as his personal sunshine or something. Instant happiness. Never be sad if Jeonghan is there. Or something. For Jeonghan, it just serves to be burdensome. If Choi Seungcheol is always happy around him, how is Jeonghan supposed to know what's up with him? Jeonghan is not good at intuitive thinking already. Especially after the nightmare in the morning…

"Even if I hurt him?"

"Mhmm?"

"Nothing"

It takes about five minutes for Choi Seungcheol to come back and give him the drink. The tiredness on his shoulder is nowhere to be seen as he smiles again at Jeonghan and greets Joshua as well. 

"Then, I'll leave!" Choi Seungcheol tells them brightly.

"Why don't you eat with us?" Joshua says. "If it's not a problem"

"No, no, I don't want to intrude," Choi Seungcheol says, "Besides I need to go to the Music block"

"Ah, going to listen to Lee Jihoon again?" Jeonghan asks.

"Yes, yes, I'll get going now—"

"—No, wait," Jeonghan says. Ignoring the intrigued look Joshua sends his way, Jeonghan stands up and drags Choi Seungcheol out of the cafe.

Awkwardly, he asks, "Are you alright?"

Choi Seungcheol looks at him with wide eyes, before saying, "Y-yes? I'm alright. Don't worry", and smiling.

Jeonghan is bad at reading situations and body language, but he's not that ditzy, damn it. But then Choi Seungcheol's hand touches his forehead, almost making him shiver.

"Are you alright?" Choi Seungcheol asks him, checking his temperature and tilting his head, "You seem paler"

"I'm alright" Jeonghan mutters. "Off you go then"

"Oh, okay" Choi Seungcheol says, with worry clear on his face. "Off I go then."

When Choi Seungcheol walks away, Jeonghan looks at his back for some time. The autumn leaves drifting all around the campus makes Choi Seungcheol's blue shirt more prominent, and hard to lose in the crowd. As the blue shirt finally disappears among the crowd of students, Jeonghan mutters to himself, "Something's up with you but still you're worrying over me, you… puppy"

Love makes people act like idiots, honestly.

Jeonghan wakes up forty minutes before his alarm the next morning. Not even sighing this time, he reaches for the blinds and opens the window slightly. Seokmin is still sleeping on the other side of the room, so Jeonghan is quiet. He picks the diary from the bedside table and gingerly uncaps his pen. He writes:

October 10, 2018

Kwon Soonyoung

A concert with approx 5k attendees, with Soonyoung on stage, dancing aggressively to some songs. I am backstage. I have Lee Jihoon with me. Lee Jihoon looks proud. The concert goes well. 

Looking back at the clock, he has thirty-seven minutes more till his alarm. He contemplates trying to sleep again, but gets irritated. Sleep is the worst thing in his life. He’s a sensitive sleeper. When he actually sleeps, he gets into someone else’s dreams, but some days he’s so exhausted, he gets blank dreams where he doesn’t remember a thing. Like he’s floating in a void. Jeonghan thinks both are good. He likes having fun, and he also likes having no thoughts. But sometimes sleep eludes him so quickly that he feels like nothing is worth it. It must be the fifth time this month that he woke up before his alarm, and it's only the tenth of October. He’s just so sick of this.

He closes his eyes. After five minutes, he decides to freshen up after all.

Today, albeit being a different class and lecture hall, the moment Jeonghan enters the room, he feels relaxed. Normalcy is restored, because the moment his sneakers hit the floor, here comes an enthusiastic, “Jeonghan-ah, good morning”, from Choi Seungcheol.

Jeonghan bites back the smile that threatens to break out, and just nods. Feeling that it cannot be that fair, he passes by the first row and mutters a “Good morning” to him as well. Choi Seungcheol beams at him, and as Jeonghan moves to catch a seat of his own, Choi Seungcheol stops by stretching an arm out and tugging at his sleeve.

Jeonghan blinks down at him. “Mhmm?” 

“You look handsome today,” Choi Seungcheol says with a small smile. Under his sleeves, goosebumps raise up his arms and neck and Jeonghan stares at him for half a second, because even for Choi Seungcheol, this type of flirting is too forward.

“Huh?”

Choi Seungcheol chuckles. “This sweatshirt~ It looks good on you. I made the right choice it seems.”

Jeonghan is clad in skinny jeans and a purple sweatshirt. There’s a design of a white bunny and a dandelion embroidered on the front, so Jeonghan had found it very cute. This is the gift Choi Seungcheol suddenly gave him, after pouting for a long time. It happened so that the fourth of October was Jeonghan’s birthday. He had told everyone around him that he wanted the day to be low-key, so the celebrations ended with a homemade dinner at the share-house with Joshua as an extra guest. Seokmin and Joshua had given him a thick book of sudoku puzzles to solve, and some cute items for Jjongdol (his beloved pet rock who is very cute) and Jeonghan made the mistake of solving a page of sudoku in front of Choi Seungcheol in class. 

Choi Seungcheol went, ‘ oh haha you have a book of sudoku with you’ and Jeonghan went, ‘ yeah, Joshua and Seokmin bought it for me for my birthday’ and Choi Seungcheol went, ‘ oh, when was your birthday?’ and Jeonghan went, ‘ yesterday’ and Choi Seungcheol went, ‘ ………’ (lots of dots because Choi Seungcheol was silent and sulky for a long time). After pouting like that for half an hour or so, Choi Seungcheol started persuading him to go out for drinks and chicken, as a birthday celebration. Jeonghan reluctantly agreed and when they went for drinks at the weekend, Choi Seungcheol gave him this sweatshirt as a present. 

Quite a long explanation for an incident that does not affect Jeonghan to the slightest.

“Yeah, it’s. Nice. Choice. I. Am going to go sit down now.” Jeonghan says.

“Okay” Choi Seungcheol says, and smiles at him.

My Seokminnie

Hyung~

I’m going to gym, and i cooked spaghetti for you

Make sure to eat!

Its also enough to share with Kwan and Chan if they come back

Like a snack before actual dinner

Thank you so much, Seokmin-ah

Hyung will eat well

Work hard at gym

And give a slap to Joshuji from my side : )

My Seokminnie

You’re welcome, hyung!

…Do I have to?

Hyung’s kidding, don’t slap him

Now go go!

Jeonghan enters the share-house with high spirits, with a bounce in his step that hardly comes after a day at college. The promise of spaghetti surely does wonders to his state of mind! Jeonghan breezes through the hall and into the room, tossing his bag away and freshening up real quick, changing his jeans for shorts and waddling happily to the open kitchen. He hums as he approaches the stove and sees a saucepan. Lifting the lid off, he savours the smell of good spaghetti.

This is a good life!

Just then, he hears the knob of the door twist. Looking back, he sees Lee Chan enter the house and waves to him. 

“Good evening,” Jeonghan says.

Lee Chan is startled like a baby deer, halfway entering the porch and looking every bit awkward as he usually is. Jeonghan sighs through his nose. After all, Lee Chan is only awkward around Jeonghan, in this house.

“Good evening, sunbae-nim” Chan mumbles, nodding his head and politely closing the door behind him. He removes his shoes and places them neatly in the rack and avoids Jeonghan’s gaze from the open kitchen as he makes a beeline to his room.

Once he closes the door, Jeonghan sighs, louder this time and finally keeps the lid of the saucepan down. He shuffles to the cabinets for a plate and fork.

It bums him out that Lee Chan is awkward with him. It is pretty understandable though. The other occupants of this house: Soonyoung, Seungkwan, Seokmin, Chan, have been living here for a longer period of time. Jeonghan had entered the share-house for the fall semester, so it has been over a month only. Unlike the first three, who are in their second or third years, Lee Chan is a baby freshman. He must feel awkward around someone at least three years older than him. Jeonghan doesn’t hold it over his head, because Lee Chan has been the politest boy in the world. But he shuts away from the others too often.

The shared house is a 3BHK, with one room occupied by Jeonghan and Seokmin, another by Seungkwan and Soonyoung, and the last and the single room occupied by Chan. The youngest of them all came here first, and uses the room to be the most reclusive college student ever. But! He mingles just fine with the other three seniors. He matches the energy of Soonyoung, the humour of Seokmin and roasts Seungkwan just fine. Around Jeonghan, however, he’s reserved and polite, hardly speaking. Jeonghan wants to change it! It has just been a month, so it hasn’t been that long of a time, but Jeonghan aims to change their relationship.

With a determined nod he transfers some spaghetti to his plate and goes to settle on a dining table chair. Lee Chan comes out just then, making a beeline to the fridge, and from what Jeonghan can guess, he must be looking for a drink.

“There’s some spaghetti if you want.” Jeonghan starts, twisting the noodles in his fork.

Lee Chan looks away from the fridge and towards him with wide eyes. Politely, he says,”No, no, sunbae-nim, it’s alright.”

“It’s not poisoned,”

“No no.”

“Seokmin made it, not me— before he went to the gym so it's definitely not poisoned.”Jeonghan says.

Lee Chan gives him a blank stare. Ah, Jeonghan must have spooked him out.

As wide-eyed, spooked Lee Chan closes the door of the fridge, Jeonghan says, “Out of us all, Seokmin is the least likely to poison anyone. Soonyoung might do it accidently, Seungkwan might do it because he hates someone or someone said something bad about Wonder Girls. Seokmin is a careful boy, and too nice to take revenge in this manner.”

Lee Chan looks like he wants to run from the kitchen, a bottle of Sprite in his hand, but something stops him and he looks like he wants to say something. Jeonghan waits, stuffing his mouth with spaghetti. Ah, heaven. Of course Seokmin is a good cook.

“A-and you?” Lee Chan asks suddenly, and Jeonghan is almost startled. He looks up from his plate to see Lee Chan looking at him patiently. Oh, someone’s curious, huh. A big smile threatens to break out.

With a twinkle in his eyes, Jeonghan says, “I’ll do it for fun!”

Spooked further, Lee Chan’s body actually shakes as he moves away from the fridge, ready to dash to his room. “I’ll pass.”

He has to cross the dining table anyway, so when he walks by him, Jeonghan says in a low voice, “Just eat, your sunbae-nim is telling you to, so you should.”

“Oh— um, okay, sunbae-nim”

Lee Chan finally comes around, sheepishly shuffling his feet to the table and placing the sprite on it. As he goes to fetch a plate, Jeonghan takes a triumphed chomp of his spaghetti. Finally! It seems like every action happens in a cue around here, because once Lee Chan settles down on the chair next to him, the doorknob turns again and a sighing Seungkwan enters the house.

“What happened, Seungkwan-ah?”

Seungkwan rolls his eyes, removing his tote bag from his shoulder to his hands, dragging the thing across the hall. 

“My friend,” Seungkwan starts as he lifts the bag to the sofa. “Is dating this guy, okay, and he’s like decked with tattoos. I’m telling you he's in a cult.”

Jeonghan pushes his lips out lightly. “I don’t think so, actually, but if you search—”

“—What if he makes her join a cult?” Seungkwan says. 

Jeonghan shrugs. Not his business to give advice. “So did you go to give her a piece of your mind or something?” He asks.

“Oh? No I went to the library and met Hansollie”

“Really concerned, aren’t you?” Lee Chan comments and Jeonghan has to stop ‘Pfff’ from escaping his mouth.

“Shut up. I will try.” Seungkwan deadpans. “And is that Spaghetti?”

“Yes~” Jeonghan sings.

“Made by?”

“Our own Seokminnie”

Seungkwan perks up immediately, lifting his bag again and going to the third bedroom. “I’ll freshen up quickly”

“Mhmm, come quickly” Jeonghan says to him.

There is silence in the hall as Jeonghan and Lee Chan munch on their spaghetti. Ah, so awkward. Earlier, Lee Chan could easily comment on Seungkwan’s expense, but why is he like this with Jeonghan? Is he that shy? Will it take more than a few months to break the ice? Jeonghan thinks he should not wait that long and he should stop beating around the bushes. The earlier Lee Chan gets to know him, the better for their harmony in this house.

“Will you join a cult for your lover?” Asks Jeonghan. Sorry, he cannot hide his personality, he has to ask something like this only. Seungkwan had brought up the topic very conveniently. 

Lee Chan looks at him like he has grown two heads. “N-no” He says, panicked.

“No?” Jeonghan mumbles, twirling the fork in his hand, “It mustn't be true love then”

There is silence again, and Jeonghan mentally notes that another attempt has gone down the drain. Should he have asked something safer? Like, ‘What is your favourite colour?’ or ‘Do you like pets? I can show you my pet rock!’. No, the latter might not be appealing as well. Ah, it’s hard to be… conventional.

“You?”

“Hmm?” Jeonghan asks, shaking his thoughts away and blinking at Lee Chan.

“Will… uh, you join a cult? Sunbae-nim?”

Jeonghan hides a smirk. Lee Chan is curious about him! The second time! It seems that withholding information is a good tactic to get Lee Chan talking to him.

“Oh, me? I'll make a cult.” He replies with bright eyes.

“Huh?” Lee Chan actually keeps his fork down in shock.

“I’ll make a cult.” Jeonghan says, shifting in his seat and getting comfortable to start his explanation. “I’ll create lores and symbols that will basically relate to my lover — secretly, that is — and make everyone worship my lover like they are possessed.”

“Really?”

“Yes!” Says Jeonghan, with an enthusiastic nod. Lee Chan looks pale and lifeless now.

“You’re in first semester?” Jeonghan asks, then shakes his head, “No, second right? You joined in March.”

“Yes… Spring semester…” Lee Chan mumbles, unsure about where the conversation is heading.

“Ahh, so you probably didn't meet them,” Jeonghan says, nodding to himself.

“Meet whom?”

“People who will make you join a cult.” Jeonghan says, smiling. “They hand flyers in the guise of college clubs!”

Poor Lee Chan’s voice cracks as he says, “O-ohhh”

“Don't join any cults, Lee Chan hoobae!” Jeonghan says brightly.

“O-ok” Lee Chan says, bowing his head.

When he is mid-bow, Jeonghan says in a low voice, “Because you’re reserved for my future cult.”

Lee Chan looks up at him, very scared and audibly breathing now. Jeonghan thinks he should show some mercy.

“Lee chan hoobae, is it alright if I call you Chan-ah?”

Chan nods.

“Is it alright if I pat your head?”

“Ok”

Jeonghan, with a soft smile on his face, reaches a hand to Chan and presses his palm on the crown on his head. “I’m kidding”

“Huh?” Chan is still very afraid.

“All of this was a joke,” Jeonghan explains.

Chan’s tight shoulders start to unwind, just a little bit. “Really?”

“No!” Jeonghan answers, slightly ruffling his hair. Freshmen have nice hair, don’t they? Soft and undamaged from college stress!

“Oh”

“Yes they were jokes, Chan-ah” 

Chan frowns at this point, not pleased at being played like this.

“If someone tries to tell you something like this, don't believe them and report back to your Jeonghan sunbae- no, Jeonghan hyung. Report back to Jeonghan hyung”

Chan must note the seriousness in his voice, so he nods and asks, “Then what will you do?”

“I’ll beat them up”

Chan looks startled again.

“Kidding, have you seen my stick arms? I'll hire men to beat them up” Jeonghan says decidedly.

If he thinks further, he has at least four candidates for the job: Joshua, Choi Seungcheol, Soonyoung, and Kim Mingyu from his class. The amount of muscles, dear, dear! Seokmin, despite being a gym guy, has been rightly eliminated from the draft for his good heart and Jeonghan’s desire for him to have a clean slate. Jeonghan himself will have a clean slate too, of course. Maybe he can cover for Soonyoung somehow. The others are on their own, thank you very much.

Chan looks at him with scared eyes again, but he is smart as he then realises that this is a joke as well, and frowns. Rightfully frowns. Not many can keep up with Jeonghan’s style(s) of talking, so Jeonghan appreciates him. He has passed the Jeonghan Vibe exam. Note: The criteria changes each time. 

“You're getting it.” Jeonghan says, patting the latter’s shoulder. “Adulting is hard”

“Hyung! How was your day? Chan-ah, you too” Seungkwan says, entering the kitchen and taking a plate out.

“It was nice, Seungkwan-ah, you Chan?”

“Uh, tiring.”

Jeonghan nods in sympathy. “Freshmen have a lot of useless classes that are compulsory.”

“Exactly!” Chan mumbles, “Why do I need Intro to Economics? I’m a dance major.”

“Maybe to graph your growth— oh, wait, your height is constant, what growth?” Seungkwan says, sitting on a chair with his plate.

“Ha ha, Mr. Boo, here’s the two meagre laughs you were expecting”

Jeonghan presses his lips together to not laugh at either of them. Sometimes it feels like he gets a free episode of Tom and Jerry once in a while. 

"Anyways" Seungkwan says, glaring at Chan before he looks at Jeonghan with big…  big eyes. Huh. "Hyung~" Seungkwan says in a cajoling tone, paying no attention to the spaghetti, and resting his head on his hands. 

Cute, but suspicious. "What is it, Mr. Boo?" Jeonghan asks. 

Seungkwan blinks prettily and smiles. "Hyung~ there's this person I want the number of"

"Oh"

Jeonghan knows a lot of guys in his year, obviously people he knew before he enlisted in the military. He knows what Seungkwan means here. Till this time, Jeonghan thought he was into that Hansol buddy of his, but it seems like that's not the case. 

Oh! By the way! On his first day in the share house, Boo Seungkwan, the hot-blooded first year student, had made it clear that he's queer and Jeonghan could leave the place if he had a problem. Because Seungkwan would have a problem if he had a problem. He's vocal about it, and Jeonghan actually likes that he is. And he's very handsome and charming, so he's very confident as well. Once (If he has the number) Jeonghan gives the number of the senior, Seungkwan will surely play his cards and soon will secure the man. Jeonghan is very sure (and low-key proud)

"Sure, who?"

Seungkwan drums his fingers against his cheeks and says, "This sunbae-nim from your Business Administration department, Choi Seungcheol sunbae-nim. We met him at the karaoke last week, remember? You guys are classmates, right?"

Jeonghan blinks. A lot. Lots of times. "Wha- Why, what Choi Seungcheol" He then sort of opens his mouth and closes it again. What is he doing? 

"Hyung, you're… glitching" 

"No, I'm not— I'm not. What are you talking about, Mr. Boo, you funny funny man"

Seungkwan and Chan, both look at each other and then at Jeonghan. 

"I'm fine." Jeonghan says. He then runs a hand through his hair. "You want, uh, Choi Seungcheol's number, huh. I see, I see. Him. Huh."

"Yes…" Seungkwan says, eyeing him warily. "It's alright if you don't have it… hyung. Even I don't have numbers of people who are just classmates, you know."

"Just classmates, just classmates, right" Jeonghan mutters. 

"So… you have his number?"

“Yes… Uh, yes, here, uh, I’ll send you,” Jeonghan mutters, slowly grabbing his mobile phone and slowly, slowly opening the phonebook app.

“Thank you so much,” Seungkwan says, earnestly. Jeonghan nods to him and sends him the contact. Slowly. “I just wanted this sunbae-nim's number because I want Kim Mingyu-ssi's number. He's his best friend according to Soonyoung hyung. I asked hyung first but he isn't that chummy with them, apparently. Kim Mingyu is hot, isn't he? Do you know about him? He's an Economics major and he went to the military before college, so he's in the same year as me."

"Oh. I know about him. I share a class with him but I don’t have his number." Jeonghan mumbles, then gets up from his place, not slowly this time, the used plate in hand. He suddenly feels a lot better. Strange.

"Hyung, are you okay?"

"Dandy. I think I'm going to lie down for a bit." Jeonghan says, dropping the plate in the kitchen sink.

"Okay… take care"

"Take care…  uh, hyung" Chan says as well. 

Jeonghan thinks he nods, then he heads to his room, closing the door behind him and standing right there. 

“Huh” He emotes out loud to the beds.

Outside, he hears Seungkwan say, “Did hyung not sleep again or something?" out loud. 

Jeonghan rubs his face. Then he goes to his bed and drops on it like a sack of potatoes, as one should, and hums at the comfort of his duvet. He then pulls his phone to his face and opens his chatting app.

To Joshua, he types: Joshuji, will you ever join a cult for your lover?

To Choi Seuncheol too, he types: Choi Seungcheol, will you ever join a cult for your lover?

He doesn’t actually go for a nap, because he knows a late evening nap will fuck up his already fucked up sleeping schedule. So he opts to shower and then puts his puzzle pieces together. After two hours, he remembers to check his phone.

Joshujiiii

I’m not basic

I’ll make a cult.

Attaboy!!!

Choi Seungcheol Classmate

What the hell are you talking about?

Jeonghan laughs out loud. Nobody answers to him in such a way. People are either wary of him, or scared like Chan, or think he’s crazy. Then there’s Joshua, of course. This guy, however, is very rational and straightforward. Jeonghan laughs some more. 

A cult!

Will you join one if your lover is in one or tells you to join

Or you have to save them by joining one?

Choi Seungcheol Classmate

…Are you drunk?

Did you hit your head somewhere?

No~ I’m alright

I’m naturally like this!

I’m giving you a warning here, actually!

Choi Seungcheol Classmate

…Ok then

Logically

I should not join a cult

For my lover

But

But?

Choi Seungcheol Classmate

I will make them leave the cult

…Just so you know I’m rolling my eyes at you

And it's not easy to get out of a cult!

Haven’t you seen movies?

You have to pay with your life!

Choi Seungcheol Classmate

You have a point… Ok then

I’ll join the cult myself, gain trust of the leaders

Get important secrets from them, blackmail them

Maybe get some money because come on

Free my beloved

Then destroy the cult as a whole

And ooh, burn everything

No evidence, just the end of an era

Might leave enough material for buzzfeed unsolved

…Whoa

Wow

I

Dont

Have

Words

I didn't expect

Whoa

Choi Seungcheol

Choi Seungcheol Classmate

…Why? Was this too dark?

I can change the answer I guess

But how can I free my lover from the cult any way then

No no.

Keep it.

Jeonghan is very very surprised at Choi Seungcheol’s answer. He wasn’t expecting anything like this? He was attacked? Jeonghan honestly used to think Choi Seungcheol is this normal guy who is the Hermoine Granger of the class, who is very much into games, and is very much into him, but like, normal. Whatever that means. Plain. Simple. Simple puppy like guy. In a trance, while his jaw is hanging from the hinges, Jeonghan changes Choi Seungcheol’s contact information. He erases the ‘Classmate’ from his name. Two candidates have passed the Yoon Jeonghan Vibe Exam in a single day? Marvellous. 

Choi Seungcheol

Ok then

You can come to me if you want to hide a body

Whoa, thanks man!!

Choi Seungcheol 

: )

You know I’m kidding, right?

Jeonghan?

Jeonghan-ah?

Yoon Jeonghan?

Answer me!

It’s been an hour…

You know I’m kidding, right?

YOU KNOW I’M KIDDING RIGHT?

I CANNOT TRUST YOU

ANSWER ME