Work Text:
Kim Dokja looked out over the city of Seoul as it disappeared from view. He had made the right decision; he knew that.
Grinning to himself, he sat down on the bench, humming.
[B ut Ki m Dok ja was nt ha ppy.]
Kim Dokja ignored the Fourth Wall for his phone, pulling it out to look over his favorite web novel.
[Ki m Dok ja is a fo ol.]
As he scrolled through the chapters to the beginning, Kim Dokja skillfully avoided tying those words to a more memorable and loved person he knew.
[Ki m Dok ja did nt wa nt to lea ve.]
He hummed louder, feeling his throat close as his thumb pressed shakily onto the screen.
[He did nt wa nt to pro ve hi s fa the r ri ght.]
"I'm not. I'm proving my mom right," Kim Dokja finally answered. The Fourth Wall only hummed in response, as if not believing him.
It was true; his father wanted him to be named Dokja so he would be independent, but his mom looked at the reader aspect of the name.
[So the y we re bo th corr ect.]
Kim Dokja ignored the wall once more and turned to the first paragraph of Ways of Survival.
[The y wi ll be sa d.]
He read the second paragraph.
[The y wi ll be an gry.]
He read the third paragraph.
[The y won t acc ept thi s.]
He read the fourth paragraph.
[Th ey won t lea ve yo u alo ne.]
He read the fifth paragraph.
[He wo nt le ave yo u alo ne.]
Kim Dokja paused briefly before trudging on to the seventh paragraph.
[I kn ow. I he lpe d wr i te hi m.]
Kim Dokja flicked his thumb across the screen, scrolling down to the next page on his phone.
[H e is stu bbo rn.]
He began to read quicker.
[He wo nt sto p.]
He scrolled to the next page.
[He wi ll be hea rt bro ken.]
Kim Dokja paused, his thumb hovering over the words he was barely reading. His throat was nearly suffocating him, and the Fourth Wall was making it worse. He blinked as his eyes burned from the pressure. He sniffled in an attempt to keep the emotion at bay.
[He wi ll fi ght on ce ag ain.]
[He wi ll no t st op.]
[He wi ll lo ok fo r an ans wer.]
[He wi ll co me.]
[Th ey wi ll co me.]
Kim Dokja bit his lip and tried to go back to reading. But something was making the words unreadable. Then the words became slightly clearer. Until Kim Dokja noticed there were drops on his screen.
He shakily lifted his hand to his face, brushing the tears away as he struggled to remain in control.
[Th ey wi ll not ice.]
[Th ey wi ll co me.]
He took a deep, shaky breath.
"I know."
[Ki m Dok ja kn ows bu t doe snt se e.]
Kim Dokja grimaced before turning back to his phone and wiping off the teardrops.
[Ki m Dok ja is a fo ol.]
This time, Kim Dokja couldn't stop the memory of the person flooding his brain. He remembered the selfless and selfish man they belonged to. He remembered the stubbornness and depression the man went through. He remembered that he was the cause. He remembered that he was the cause of his pain once again. He remembered and remembered and remembered.
And Kim Dokja only had one thing that he could manage to say, as if the man was standing in front of him. But Kim Dokja would never be able to get the words out of his mouth if he were here. So Kim Dokja simply gazed out at the empty space and the cold metal of the subway and spoke his peace.
"I'm sorry."
------
The door of the subway creaked open to reveal a small child reading on his phone on the subway.
Oddly enough, the Fourth Wall had only let Yoo Joonghyuk through its barrier, the company members telling him they would break through soon enough and let him go ahead.
Yoo Joonghyuk stood at the entrance, not moving. It was eerily familiar to the end of the 1864th turn, and Yoo Joonghyuk was having a moment processing the familiarity.
The Oldest Dream, Kim Dokja, didn't look up from his phone, as if he couldn't perceive anything but the words on his screen.
Yoo Joonghyuk had felt irritated, angry, relieved, and happy to see the man alive and breathing. He wasn't sure if becoming the Oldest Dream would be the same for the 1864th Kim Dokja as it had for his younger self. Thankfully, the man hadn't gone and died before Yoo Joonghyuk arrived.
[The Story Life and Death Companions is waiting to be read once more.]
Yoo Joonghyuk took a step forward, and as if that were an alarm, the boy’s head snapped up.
The boy’s body was unfamiliar, but the look in his eyes and that annoying grin were all the same.
"Yoo Joonghyuk, how nice of you to visit."
Yoo Joonghyuk said nothing, only happy that the bastard hadn’t forgotten anything from his small stature.
"Sadly, I haven't gotten to the end of the novel quite yet. It took me ten years last time, but I don't need to wait daily anymore. Wait there, okay? I've only got a few pages left," the boy grinned again before returning his gaze to his phone.
Immediately, it was as if Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't standing there, as if Kim Dokja was no longer aware of his presence. Yoo Joonghyuk took another step forward. The boy looked up.
"Hey, I told you to wait, impatient bastard," but Kim Dokja wouldn't meet his eyes—not like before anyway. It was as if he wasn't really seeing him.
"We’re going, now,"
"Sorry, but I can't; I've got to stay here."
Annoying. Yoo Joonghyuk took another step forward, and Kim Dokja scooted backward. Odd, Kim Dokja had never put space between them before. He seemed to always be asking for a beating in the 1864th round. What had changed?
"We’re going,"
"Hey, you stubborn bastard, I said I can't, so get going already."
Yoo Joonghyuk didn't respond; he simply moved forward.
"Oi, oi, go live your life. Why are you back here? Weren’t you trying to leave the subway?"
Yoo Joonghyuk paused long enough for Kim Dokja to stand up and increase the distance. He scowled.
"We’re going,"
"There's no "we" here."
"Why?"
Kim Dokja’s eyes widened in surprise, as if he expected Yoo Joonghyuk to continue advancing without words.
Then his eyes flickered to the side, as if ashamed, before righting themselves with a determination that Yoo Joonghyuk remembered from their round.
"Because it's my ending to be here, not yours."
Yoo Joonghyuk growled at that. There was more than one ending; Yoo Joonghyuk was proof of that. He was sure that Kim Dokja had more than one ending as well, being the reader of this world.
"So you should take everyone and leave. The Fourth Wall wasn't supposed to let anyone in here anyway, that traitor."
Yoo Joonghyuk was a bit surprised to find that the Fourth Wall had more control over itself than Kim Dokja had, but it explained a lot of the skill’s actions.
"I'll take everyone then," Yoo Joonghyuk replied before moving forward again.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait. I meant everyone else. I'm sure that was implied quite clearly, was it not? Goddamn sunfish selective hearing," Kim Dokja grumbled as he took a step back.
Then Kim Dokja tripped on the back of his coat, falling onto his behind before sitting up. Yoo Joonghyuk took the chance and wrapped his fingers around his tiny wrist like a handcuff.
"Hey! Wait! Let go, you bastard! I'm not leaving." Kim Dokja struggled, but his too small body and flimsy attacks were nothing to the regressor.
"We’re going,"
"No! I'm not. I-I don't want to."
Now Yoo Joonghyuk knew that was a lie the second it hissed between the reader’s teeth. He rounded on him.
"Yes, you do." Yoo Joonghyuk held Kim Dokja’s eyes, waiting for him to lie again. Waiting. But Kim Dokja seemed to be unable to speak; his eyes kept flickering between the floor and Yoo Joonghyuk’s gaze; his other hand was fiddling with his coat; and he was biting his lip. All things Yoo Joonghyuk had never seen Kim Dokja, who was so sure before, do.
"What are you so stressed out about?"
Kim Dokja’s eyes widened, and that infuriating grin sneaked its way onto his lips once again. "Aww, is Joonghyuk-ie worried about me? There's no reason for that, there's nothing stressing me out," his voice came out in a mocking manner, but Yoo Joonghyuk saw how his fist was clenched tight around his coat.
"Fool,"
That one word froze Kim Dokja to his core. His eyes were wide and still, his grin plastered on his face, and his breathing seemed nonexistent. Yoo Joonghyuk blinked confusedly at the instant reaction.
"Kim Dokja?"
That snapped the man out of it. "Hmm?"
Yoo Joonghyuk briefly hesitated before reiterating the plan of action. "We’re going."
"No, I'm not."
"We’re going."
"No."
"Why?"
Once again, they had come full circle. Yoo Joonghyuk was getting annoyed at this pointless conversation. He was humoring the idea of just picking the man up and forcing him to leave.
But Kim Dokja sighed this time.
"This is my purpose, and yours is to live your life. Han Sooyoung’s is to write; Yoo Sangah’s is to become a CEO; Lee Seolhwa’s is to be a doctor; Lee Hyunsung’s is to protect; Jung Heewon’s is to fight; Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung’s are to grow up; Yoo Mia’s is to look after you; and Lee Jihye’s is to graduate. Everyone got their ending. But their endings are still playing out. Mine is to watch over your endings, to make sure they are just as you wanted."
Yoo Joonghyuk heard the silent "just as I wanted" but didn't point it out.
"You can do that at the company building."
Kim Dokja shook his head, laughing in a self-deprecating manner. "You know, Yoo Joonghyuk, I was always a bit confused why everyone always grew their strengths better with you around but never did when I was around. I was so annoyed because I deliberately created moments for them to improve, but they never grew as much as they did with you. I learned my lesson, and maybe from a reader’s angle, this was foreshadowing," he chuckled again.
"I will only hinder your endings if I return with you." With that, Kim Dokja slipped out of Yoo Joonghyuk’s grasp and stepped away once more.
"They don't care."
"But I do."
"You're the only one who cares about epilogues and endings."
"That's why I'm not leaving."
All of Yoo Joonghyuk’s words seemed to be going in through one ear and out the other. He was just as infuriating as when he was full sized.
"We’re going."
Kim Dokja huffed. "No, I'm really not."
Yoo Joonghyuk was done talking. He was tired of it. He was done with this circle crap.
He took another step forward, his thick-soled boots echoing off the subway walls. Kim Dokja looked strained once more, laughing quietly under his breath.
But Kim Dokja kept retreating, and retreating, and retreating. At some point, he had hit the end of the car, and Yoo Joonghyuk towered above him. A slam from the other side of the cabin gave a time limit on how much longer they would be alone.
"Why? " It was a whisper, but Yoo Joonghyuk heard it even over the racket. "Why are you even here?"
In an act unlike Kim Dokja, he pushed hard against Yoo Joonghyuk’s chest, pushing him away. When the boy-sized reader looked up, Yoo Joonghyuk was startled to see tears slowly running down his cheeks.
"Why? Why did you come back? I've done nothing but hurt you! I've done nothing to deserve this! You should've stayed in the 1864th world line! You should've been happy there without me! Without me picking at your cooking because you used tomatoes! Without me bringing up your regression turns every chance I got! Without me being a damper because of my guilt! You should've been happy! Why are you here? You're making a mistake! I gave up on you! I gave up on that world line because I knew you were only going to be happy without me there! I gave you room! I made it so I wouldn't annoy you any longer! I stepped out of the picture for a damn good reason; why are you trying to tape me back in?"
Kim Dokja wiped angrily at his eyes before realizing what he had just yelled. Immediately he took a deep breath and chuckled waterily. "Haha, wow, must be the closeness I've gotten to my base story. Sorry about that, Yoo Joonghyuk. Haha. " He grinned that damned self-deprecating grin before trying to appear as if his outburst hadn't just happened.
"Are you stunned, Yoo Joonghyuk? Don't worry about it. But you really should—what are you doing?" Kim Dokja seemed to freeze as Yoo Joonghyuk stepped back into the man’s space.
"Haha, you should be angry right now. Why do you still have that deadpan look on your face? Don't tell me you think that was true, Yoo Joonghyuk? Haha" Kim Dokja spoke those words, but his hands were flat against the door leading to another cabin, pressing his body flush against the door in order to get further away.
"You are a fool, Kim Dokja."
"You always say that." Kim Dokja didn't seem to be able to control his emotions at all at the moment, as more tears leaked from his eyes.
"Because you need to get it through your thick skull."
"Haha"
Yoo Joonghyuk kneeled down to eye level with Kim Dokja. The man visibly gulped.
"Remember the 0th Turn?" Kim Dokja froze, his eyes turning glassy as they lost focus. Yoo Joonghyuk took that as a yes. "I asked for the stigma."
"But-"
"I used that stigma to meet you and find out the truth."
"But-"
"You told me how long it would take."
"I know, but-"
"You led me to the ending. You gave me a happy ending at the beginning. I was the one who made it into a tragedy."
"But you didn't know; you didn't understand. I could've prepared you more, could've-"
"No, you couldn't have. You needed all of your probability to use the regression stigma even as the Oldest Dream."
Yoo Joonghyuk felt a bit like he was talking Yoo Mia down from one of her problems that she guilted herself into believing was her fault. Sometimes Yoo Mia would break down and apologize for putting pressure on Yoo Joonghyuk, but he had to give her reason after reason why she shouldn't feel guilty over something she had no control over.
Sure, Kim Dokja had some responsibility at this moment, but nothing that wasn't also Yoo Joonghyuk’s fault.
"You made sure I was happy. You made sure multiple times that that was the path I wanted to take. I still chose this after all of your deterrents."
Kim Dokja was still avoiding his gaze.
"And even if it was all your fault." Kim Dokja’s eyes widened with understanding, as if he were only hearing that "It was all his fault", "I have forgiven you at least twice now"
Kim Dokja’s eyes snapped to Yoo Joonghyuk’s face, a silent question in the air along with denial that the regressor could feel through his gaze.
"In the 1864th turn, the Secretive Plotter, me, forgave the Most Ancient Dream. Along with him were my countless other regressions."
"But-"
"That was you. You and the Most Ancient Dream are the same, just as the Secretive Plotter and I are the same." Yoo Joonghyuk took a breath before continuing; talking logic and forcing it into Kim Dokja’s brain was exhausting. "And if that wasn't enough, right now, I am telling you that I have forgiven you. Though the fault lies with both of us."
There was a silence that stretched out between them.
Kim Dokja seemed to still be knee-deep in denial, and Yoo Joonghyuk sighed, resigned. The regressor grabbed the Most Ancient Dream’s wrist and tugged him from the wall, dragging him to the exit of the subway.
Kim Dokja tugged lightly, pulling them to a stop as Yoo Joonghyuk indulged in his wishes this once.
"Do you mean it?" Another whisper-like question, as if Kim Dokja were ashamed to even ask, as if he were scared of the answer.
"I don't say pointless things" and then Yoo Joonghyuk was pulling the man along again. When Yoo Joonghyuk glanced back, though, he saw a small ghost of a smile on Kim Dokja’s lips.