Chapter Text
Xie Lian was “lucky”.
He was lucky because he was born into a good family with wealthy parents who allowed him the freedom do as he pleased.
He was lucky because he was destined for greatness and glory with his handsome face and quick talent.
He was lucky because he had been a god— twice actually.
He was lucky because after many trials, like a hero in a story, he had stumbled into a Crown Prince and saved his life.
He was lucky because that Crown Prince’s parents had been so grateful that they had offered him such a grand position in spite of knowing nothing about him. In spite of him being just a street performer.
He was “lucky”, and so it didn’t do to dwell on the many ways he had been unlucky for years. It was his own choice anyways. He’d given it up and this was the punishment he’d asked for. No reason to complain. There was no one to complain to anyways, he couldn’t talk about himself here.
It smelled like blood and death if you paid attention.
“He’s so stern, I heard he refused any servants in his room, even for a wake up call,” a servant gossiped.
“Not rude at least. Although he must be pretty ugly, don’t you think? With his face covered like that all the time?”
Xie Lian walked a different way to his rooms. It would embarrass them if he walked by and they realized he’d heard.
The palace that stood here now was not the one he’d grown up in. That one had been ravaged by battle and then any part that might have been retained was lost when the Yong’an Palace burned.
Even if it had been, he’d never spent much time in the Palace had he? If he wanted nostalgia he’d need to visit Taicang Mountain.
He’d been meaning to, actually, when he ran into Lang Qianqiu that first time…
Well he couldn’t very well leave a twelve year old kid to deal with kidnappers. True the guards had already been on their tail but it was clear the skill between the groups was too close and too much in danger of hurting him. It didn’t cost Xie Lian much to break up the fight.
And to be offered such a position as Guoshi wasn’t a cost. It was a gift. He should be grateful to be looked on with honor and teach the Crown Prince— truly a bright boy with a bright future.
But Xie Lian was a bit tired.
He’d spent, what, nearly five centuries now wandering? It was strange to be back in a place with a proper bed and warm meals every day. A place that gave him responsibilities again. People always said when you were old you ought to settle down but the older Xie Lian got the more comfortable he grew with wandering.
How long should he stay here? Lang Qianqiu was only thirteen now, and looked up to him quite a bit. Xie Lian thought it was best to at least see him onto the throne. Then perhaps he could retire? Go back to street performing and wandering?
Finally having made his way to the outside wall of his chambers, Xie Lian leapt, black robes billowing as he perched on the small ledge and slid in through the window.
Alone, Xie Lian slid off his mask and began to undo his outer layers for sleep. Only to be stopped by the sight of a butterfly that seemed to carry its own shimmering light.
It was so dark, so endlessly dark. He couldn’t see anything, he hadn’t seen light in so long.
“You shouldn’t be in here,” Xie Lian said idly.
The butterfly seemed to flicker, as if on the verge of vanishing until Xie Lian held out a finger for it to perch on and watched it solidify.
It was quite beautiful.
“Were you just looking for a place to rest for a while? You can stay here if you’d like, I think the bed is big enough for both of us.”
Xie Lian had grown the habit of talking nonsense to animals and inanimate objects when he was alone; a natural consequence of solitude. However, this was not useless chatter. This was a real invitation, one he knew would have consequences because this was not just a little butterfly who’d come in by accident.
He had meant it when he said it wasn’t supposed to be here. But he didn’t mind the company. Even if it wished him ill, he could take it. He’d taken everything else after all. Perhaps it would finally be enough to give him that last push.
Either way. He couldn’t be bothered to worry. It was just nice to have someone around again.
“Right here, look, you can use my old robes.” He bundled them next to his pillow.
The butterfly crawled where he directed it as he settled into bed beside the little ‘nest’, watching the slow open-close of its wings.
“You know, I used to talk to Ruoye when I was alone in my room. It can’t respond back either. I think you two would get along.”
The butterfly of course didn’t respond, but Xie Lian could tell it was listening.
“Will you be here in the ‘morning’? I hope you are. You’re quite pretty and you seem very well behaved. Perhaps I could wear you like a pin and you could follow me around. No one will question me on it. Maybe his highness but he’s quite easy to refuse an answer.”
Useless nonsense. He was just saying things.
He really was so tired. But sleep wouldn’t help his weariness so perhaps talking might.
“Can I admit something to you?”
The butterfly did not respond.
“I don’t want to wake up again.”
All the same, there was only so long Xie Lian could exist like this. His body would heal just enough to wake him soon. He was starting to feel it.
He meant to say goodbye, he really did, but he could never time these things right before he was ripped out of his dream world by the cruel reality of the dowel through his chest.
He woke screaming every time, vocal cords straining as he tried to fight against the containment of the coffin and the hole ran through him. His mask was still on, a suffocating cover in an already suffocating space.
It hurt so much.
He wished it would just kill him already.