Chapter Text
After two years of stage and brief TV roles, Alex found herself at a read through for an interesting albeit odd film. While she absolutely loved the stage, it was where she found herself at home most, she had to say a film like this was certainly something to look forward to and not something to be passed up. She knew the writer, Scott, and was excited to be working on something of his.
Everyone gets through their introductions and soon they begin the read through, the writer stating that the lead unfortunately isn’t able to turn up for this initial read through due to being a little sick and not wanting to affect anyone, claiming that he’ll have to take over his part for today, but assures everyone the actor will be present later on in the week once the rehearsals begin. A quick laugh is had, and they proceed to begin the read through.
They went through it easily, joking and laughing their way through it. It is only a small cast but from the read through alone it is obvious they just click together, and Alex thinks to herself that this is going to be a great joy to film and she’s excited to fly out to location to film, something she had never overly fond of doing before. There was no real set, just the open land, in some small country she had to admit she had never heard of before. It meant the shoots would be long to get things wrapped there as quickly as they can, shooting overseas always was an expensive excursion, so it was the norm. But this time she was looking forward to it.
The week passed quickly enough and she found herself back at the studio for rehearsals. She was a bit early and soon found Scott, heading over to say good morning.
“Morning Scotty”
The tall man spun around, a big grin on his face “Oh good morning…” Looking down at his watch “God you’re early, I see this must be a BBC thing…or maybe just what happens when you’re under the rule of the dark overlord Steven Moffat”
Alex laughs at him, “oh you’ve worked with him?”
He smirks at her “Sadly not, one day I shall have the privilege, but no, our lead had a decent tenure under his reign, and I believe you do know each other.”
She raised her eyebrow at him, trying to think who he was talking about. She was surprised to not have heard his name mentioned by anyone. She tried to think of all the actors she knew that had work with Steven, and apparently for quite some time. Her thoughts instantly went to Matt of course, which brought her a mix of worry and sadness. She quickly realised that without a doubt it was him, he was the only one whose current workload she couldn’t account for.
She’s brought out of her thoughts by Scott talking, “Hang on he went off for a smoke, I’ll go see if I can find him. I’m sure you’d like to catch up before the rest turn up.”
She struggled to manage a nod to acknowledge what he had said. She began to worry, not because it was Matt, more so it had been nearly five years since she had seen him last. She remembers that night too well, despite not thinking on it for quite some time now. She went over at Steven’s insistence after Karen had called him letting him know that as unlike Matt it is, he needs some time off due to personal issues. Steven assumed it must be serious, as Matt was always the professional along with his strong work ethic and had to be forced to take a day off when he was sick or injured. Steven called her but was unaware of their relationship, she knew he suspected something between them, and clearly he thought she would be the best to help him through this, she tried to convince him to call Karen back or anyone else to see him instead, but the concern in the Scots voice had made her agree to go passed and see him. She dreaded it, she knew this was her fault to begin with and space apart would be the only thing to get him passed her. It had been two weeks since she came to him and told him that what they had for the last two years had to end, she knew he would take it badly, but knew that eventually he would realise it wouldn’t have lasted, that he’d move on and find someone his own age and have a family like he deserved to have.
When she got to his place, she knocked several times to no response, remembering that she still had a key to his flat, she opened the door. The smell that hit her was over powering and she felt like she had entered a distillery that had been bombed. She walked into the open plan living area to find beer bottles and a couple of half filled spirit bottles scattered across the kitchen bench and coffee table next to his couch, where she found him unconscious half hanging off of it.
She had attempted to clean the bottles up, but woke him in the process and quickly what appeared to her as a situation with a severely depressed friend, well was she even a friend to him anymore after how she ended things, either way, it soon escalated with some wrongly constructed sentences and a drunken mind, and he became aggressive, she knew his anger was justified, but between his raw emotions and in his drunken and soon becoming hung over state, her presence there was just fuel on the fire, well more like a fuel tank to the fire. She tried to forget the angry words hurled at her, and the look on his face. She had never seen him in such a state and knowing it was her fault added to the pain. She knew she had to get out again, he had yelled at her, she had apologised, yelled back at him, in the end she backed away quietly simply informing him that Steven was worried about him, and quickly left before the confrontation between the two of them became anymore heated.
Taken from her thoughts by the sound of the door on the other side of the room shutting and hearing footsteps approach, she tries to prepare herself, since that day she hasn’t seen him at all, she avoided everything he had been in, avoiding every little bit of news about him.
“Here Alex, told you I’d find him out back smoking like a delinquent youth...” She looked up seeing Matt slowly trailing behind Scott, he looked so much older than she remembered, well obviously it had been nearly five years, but it didn’t look like time that had aged him, he looked worn and tired, the sparkle in his eye no longer there, she tried to tell herself that he’s probably just overworking himself. “…Matt, Alex I’m sure you’ll look forward to being on set again together, although sorry for the lack of a marriage, anyway I gotta head off and get things sorted before the rest of the cast rock up” He had a sly smirk on his face before disappearing down the corridor.
She continued to look Matt up and down, he had changed so much, but at the same time not at all. He still had his hair cropped short, with a bit of a scruffy attempt at a beard. He looked at her with a tired smile, “Good to see you Alex, it’s been too long. How have you been?”
Startled by his voice, she tries to focus on what he’s said, “Um, yeah you too darling. I’m doing well, busy but well. How are you?”
His smiles at her, but she can see it is strained and doesn’t reach his eyes at all. “I’m good, getting there I spose. Just glad to be back at work, I think I need it.”
There seems to be more to what he says, but as if she should know, of course this is what she chose though, to avoid every bit of news about him, it would be for the best, and they could keep their distance. “You missed the read through, usually it’s me that’s doing that, I hope you were ok, there was mention that you were a bit sick, I hope you’re feeling better now and I hope you’re not overworked, you probably need the rest”
He sighs a little, he had heard the same thing for the last year, ‘you need to rest, take some time for yourself’ he knew everyone meant well, but after everything if anyone expected him to find some control in his life again, he needed to go back to work.
“I know, but I’ve been resting the better half of the year, I need to find something to focus on, otherwise I don’t think….”
Noting the confused but concerned look on her face, he realises that she actually doesn’t know, that she thinks that he was flu type sick or something and starts to relax again before she thinks something else, although he feels he already may have said too much. The look of surprise on her face when he mentioned the year off, he realises that she has probably paid him no attention since they last saw each other, he can’t deny that it hurts, but in the way he responded to her the last time they saw each other, he can’t find it in him anymore to be angry, or blame her. Finding those old feelings crawling back still, he tries to get away for a bit before everything starts, he’s sure they still have at least an hour.
“Um, sorry….I…uh, I have to….I’ll see you later, sorry Alex…” And with that he quickly spins around and heads back out the door he had come through earlier on.
Unable to form words, she just stands there stunned. Obviously realising his apparent sickness wasn’t something minor, she began to worry, especially at the look in his eyes when he must have realised what he had said, the fear in his eyes and the near brimming tears as he retreated away from her.
Something was very wrong, and clearly there was a lot of pain there. Looking at her watch she saw they still had some time, and decided to follow him, to make sure he was ok. She found herself outside the studio door, and spotted him a few meters away sitting on the ground, cigarette in hand.
He had his head back against the wall, eyes closed and taking slow deep breathes, in between the occasional drag on his cigarette. She slowly moved closer, and notice he was shaking slightly. She was greatly worried but knew that showing it would probably only make him panic more. Sitting down next to him, he quickly sits up, looking surprised at the presence of someone next to him.
“Oh hi, um, sorry about before, I uh…just needed to get some fresh air” He looked away almost embarrassed.
“Fresh air from nicotine smoke?” She smirked at him. The look in his eyes told her the humour was not affecting him in the intended manner and tried to apologise, but he managed to speak before her.
“Um, yeah, bad idea I know…..” noticing his facial expression changing, and a small chuckle, she smiles at him, glad to hear that sound. She missed it so much. “I am sorry about before, I just…it’s hard you know, I haven’t worked in over a year now, but people talk and it gets in the media, then things just go on, everyone knows, and the stares and having people always tread so carefully around you, like you might explode at any time, or that one word will bring your whole world down….it’s just daunting I spose, I want to just go back to normal again, I know it’s not possible really but some facet of it. I need to do this, I need to focus on something and get back up again, otherwise I don’t know where I’d end up.”
She looks over at him, his eyes are closed, she is surprised he is being open with her, but she doesn’t know what has happened at all but doesn’t want to push him.
“I’m sorry Matt, I can imagine how that feels. I know there is nothing anyone can really say to make it seem any better, but you’ll find your way.” She gives him a small smile, which he returns and it is the realest smile she has seen on is face so far.
“Thank you Alex, I am sorry about that before though, I didn’t mean to be like that…..” Looking up they see some of the crew walking around, and realise they should probably go back in now. He butts the cigarette on the ground and jumps up, “Well then, let’s go be amazing then shall we?” Offering his hand out to her.
She smiles up to him and takes his hand, she eyes him a little suspiciously at this new energetic force that has taken over him, it’s obviously a façade but she can see some reality in it. Once she stands up, he doesn’t let go of her hand, and seems to just hold on tighter. The action tugs at her heart, she realises there is a lot she is unaware of, but he seems to be finding comfort in her and she decides that she needs to be there for him, despite the time they hadn’t seen each other, as well as the terms they left each other on. Maybe that is why, he knows she doesn’t know a thing about what has gone on in his life since she last saw him.
They head back inside and start chatting with the various other actors. She notices what he meant, almost everyone in the cast appears to be looking at him with something between concern and interest. She partly wishes she knew what had gone on, but at the same time from how people seem to be acting, however subtly, she is almost glad she doesn’t know. As well as the fact that Matt seems to be finding some comfort in the fact that she doesn’t know and that maybe it instills a sense of normalcy to whatever he has been through. She feels he would be able to see through her if she tried to find out and decides that despite not really even being friends, she needs to be there for him, he needs her to help him, at least through the filming.
They run through the scenes they had planned to rehearse for today with little issues, everyone is amazing with little slip ups, and they sail through, just like with the read through and seem to hold it together as a tight knit group who’d you’d think have performed for years together. There seems to be a good natural bond between everyone and it helps run everything a lot more smoothly.