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Vyncent and William always found time to spend with each other, and it was typically during dark hours when neither could sleep. However, between reckless driving through interstates and freeways, bickering between themselves and Dakota, and expelling multiple demons to the Chaos Zone, it was hard to find an opportunity for it as of late.
This was the exception. At 2:03AM on a Tuesday night (‘Wednesday now,’ William mentally supposed), they found themselves seated next to each other on a small pier in a park, gazing at the lake and the night sky. The Winnebago was parked just down the street, Dakota having fallen asleep early after clumsily tending to some wounds and leaving William to drive just a little longer until Vyncent suggested they take a walk to get their remaining energy out.
William shifted closer to the other, mumbling something about being cold as a poor excuse. In fairness, it certainly wasn’t the most pleasant weather. The early autumn air easily seeped through his clothes and into his skin. It was a simple lie to tell, because it wasn’t really a lie to begin with.
Their hands slotted together easily, the chilly breeze making Vyncent’s hand only slightly warmer than his own. He didn’t mind; it made him feel more alive. Like his unnatural and continuous coldness wasn’t a constant reminder of his multiple demises. Like they were more alike than he made himself believe.
"The lake is pretty." He murmured out, unsure of what to say to cut through the wordlessness and hushed rippling of water.
"Yeah. The stars are, too." There was a hint of wonder in the purple-haired boy's words. Were the stars different in Fauna? Did they have constellations and eclipses like Prime did? He never failed to be a mystery to William.
There was always something new to learn about Vyncent- Virion - and his life, and god , did he want to learn it all. It was intriguing, how someone could be so dense yet perceptive. Naïve yet far too grown. Leave it up to William to fall in love with an enigma, though in all honesty, their entire ragtag group was made up of walking contradictions.
Quiet fell upon the two once more; the soft kind, like the sound of a page being turned in a book when reading alone, or the steady hum of an air conditioner at night. Something familiar.
This couldn't be something friends do. Grab hands and swing together at a nearby playground, lean against each other and enjoy the warmth and comfort, and sit so close alone on a pier with hands interlocked. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation getting to him, but it didn't stop a faint spark of hope from flickering inside his still chest. He shot it down quickly. He was well aware that his puppy love crush was foolish to cling to.
Eventually, Vyncent yawned and leaned back, laying flat on the pier and staring up at the sky. William's fingers twitched at the loss of contact.
"We can go back if you're tired." He offered. "It's pretty late."
"No, no. I want to stay. Just- come here." A hand found his again, pulling him down, too. He didn't go with a struggle anyway. Laying side by side, hand not letting go of the other's, William found that the stars were a lot brighter than in New Haven, the smog and street lights there dimming them to hardly anything. Here, they sparkled bright and defiant against the black night.
He had read a book once about constellations back in Deadwood. He didn't find much use of it there. The small town always shifted, doing strange things when no one saw. But William notices the little things. How the stars pulsed with an almost alive energy and were different every night, albeit subtly. That was always the least of his worries, however. There were bigger problems at hand for him and his old friends.
His head moved to lay atop of Vyncent's chest, listening to the latter's heartbeat pumping steadily. He idly wondered if, if he synced up his imitation breathing with the other, he could get his own heart beating, too.
“That’s a weird shooting star.” Vyncent mumbled, carding his free hand through William's hair. He tilted his head to see what that comment could possibly mean. He could only hope it wasn't a threat of another villain or demon. He didn't think he had the energy to deal with getting slammed into the side of a building yet again. The answer was much more mundane than he had anticipated, much to his relief.
“I think that’s a satellite.”
“Oh." He paused as William melted into him just a little more. "You think I can still make a wish?"
A quiet chuckle escaped him. At least one of his many questions about the boy were answered. He didn't think he ever told him about that superstition.
"Yeah. I'll make one if you do." A hum was Vyncent's only response. He took that as a yes.
What was he to wish for? A lot of things, actually. He could wish that his body wouldn't fall apart from the inside out. He could wish to find Ashe, preferably in one piece. He could wish that the boy he laid on could finally get a hint. More banally, he could ask for more nights like this, where he didn't have to worry about the next time they'd fear for their lives, and was able to mimic a normal adolescent's life.
It was just a satellite. There was no way any of it would come true, but he threw all of his wishes out in hopes that at least one would come into fruition. With that, he rolled back over and sat up with a sigh. He was thinking too much. He tacked on another wish: He wanted to enjoy a single moment without being hurdled back into his mind.
He couldn't seem to focus on anything in particular. Vyncent was apparently the one person that could pull him out of his head (both to his dismay and delight) but it wasn't always enough to shake himself out of the detached, dissociative state he inescapably returned to.
This was not an uncommon feeling for William; he knew it quite well. Ghosting along through days in a blur while a numbness he wasn’t sure he didn't always feel threatened to settle deep into his nerves.
'I feel like I'm dreaming." He managed out, finally. How long had it been since either of them spoke? Vyncent had moved to sit beside him again. He wasn't sure when that had happened.
"What do you mean?" The pressing curiosity was much stronger than the undercurrent of worry in his voice as he went to intertwine hands once more. The small impression of affection made William's heart swell.
"Well-" He started, trailing off. He couldn't bring himself to indulge in confiding in his friend that much. Was it that he didn't want his friend to fret over distress that was purely his own, or the habit of being a recluse no matter how hard he tried to lay bare his troubles? "I don't know. I just feel weird and hazy."
He hoped that answer sufficed. He didn't have a better one.
"Huh."
It wasn't quite understanding; William didn't expect it anyway. A pang of guilt shot through him. It should be easier to explain than he convinced himself it was. He shook his head, rubbing small circles into Vyncent's hand with his thumb and listening to the soft rustle of trees as the breeze picked up gently.
"If.." Vyncent added on after a few moments. "If you were dreaming, and you knew you were dreaming.. what would you do?"
The question surprised him enough to whip his head and stare at Vyncent, brows furrowed. His mouth twitched upwards into a fond smile. The simplicity of it was endearing, yet he found it was a good enough ask to concentrate his thoughts into one thing.
"I could do anything?" His tone was unexpectedly timid to his own ears.
Vyncent laughed quietly, giving a nod. William presumed he found it funny that he was overthinking such a straightforward question.
"Yeah. If you can think it, you can do it."
As he gazed at Vyncent, the moonlight washing his face in a pale silver glow and contrasting against his form beautifully, he realised only one thing, unlike with making his wish, had popped into his head.
He couldn't kiss him. Potentially losing the closest friend he'd ever had who stuck with him for ten months when no one else did and forced him to get out of bed to feign living was too risky of a shot. The urge still clawed at him, strong enough to draw blood if it had the power to and if he had any to spare. If he couldn't do that, he could compromise with himself. With only the two of them as witness, it'd be easy to pretend it never happened. That was an adequate enough deal for him.
William swallowed hard, leaning in swift enough to throw away a chance for second-guessing himself to plant a kiss to Vyncent’s cheek, and pulled away just as quickly. His hands trembled harder than they already had been.
The elf's eyes widened comically, body more still than William had ever seen before. He had done something wrong. He must have. What else could his body language and wordlessness mean? An apology sat on his tongue, but it melted away like snow. Mentioning it would make it feel more real. More tangible. He couldn't run from it if it was acknowledged.
"Uh-" He wanted to scream at himself. He finally took a chance and it led him to only feel worse. He knew it was stupid to think he could imagine it was all some sort of fantasy he conjured up in his head and was able to live out, even for a brief time. With a promise to throw himself against a brick wall later, he changed the subject as best he knew how.
"What- What would you do? If you were dreaming, I mean. Probably fly or something, right?" A nervous, strained laugh forced its way through his teeth as he spat the words out with haste.
Vyncent remained silent, only serving to panic William more. He was about ready to jump into the lake and never come back up. He certainly didn't need air like everyone else. As he contemplated how long he could feasibly stay in the water, Vyncent spoke up, effectively ripping him from his spiral.
"I was probably gonna say 'go home,' or 'get revenge on those who've wronged me,' but uh…" He swallowed, eyes flickering away for just a moment before a hand moved to cup William's jaw. "I guess this is pretty good, too."
The taller leaned in, giving him a silent question as he paused mere inches from his face. All William could do was nod, eyes wide and hands shaking at his sides. In moments like this, he was thankful he wasn't able to blush. The connotations of that in any other circumstance would be horrifying; it haunted him frequently, yet he only felt in this moment that it saved him a shred of dignity.
As their lips met, William thought he'd feel sparks or hear some sort of metaphorical symphony. Nothing like that happened. Of course it didn't, but it shocked him all the same. The only thing he felt was pure adoration for the boy next to him. The warmth of his lips and hands on his skin. The wanting to never leave the quiet pier.
At least he'd take in every detail he could (whether he wanted to or not) and store it in his mind for when frigidness inevitably returned and he'd be left shivering and alone.
When they parted, far too quickly for his liking, William opened his eyes to see Vyncent's own fluttering open to meet him and smiling, breathless. They hadn't even kissed for long. He was sure both of their nerves were simply working overtime, his more metaphorically than literally.
"Was that.. okay?"
William stifled a laugh, searching for a reply. He couldn't bare his rotting heart out and admit that what occurred was something he had daydreamed of for months like a lovesick teenager to his own chagrin. To be fair to himself, he was one. It just seemed unreasonable and, frankly, too childish for how he'd like to be seen.
Vyncent started backing away, and William figured he had spent too long grinning like an idiot and barely holding back his amusement. Mortification flooded in him and settled in his stomach.
"No, no. I just-" He cut himself off with a groan directed at himself. "I wanted to do that."
Vyncent was braver than he was ever capable of. He was stoic and bold- seemingly ruthless at times. If you asked William, he'd lie (poorly) about how attractive it was. Thinking about it then, perhaps he was envious of that strength. He longed for that valour. If only he poured his soul out to his friends outside of the safety cover of night when he could deny everything in the morning or make a point to never address it. If only he could tell the truth, the full truth, and nothing but it without worry haunting him just as wisps did.
"Oh. Cool."
William was also envious of Vyncent's simplicity, and cursed it at the same time. He wasn't sure what to make of that.
"Cool." He shot back.
He wondered if anything would change between them after that. Would it be awkward? Would Vyncent finally get the rather obvious hints? Would that tear their entire group apart, leaving Dakota to try to glue them all back together again? He couldn't live with that. None of them had anyone but each other, especially now. William would rather not leave someone or be left on the side of an empty road.
Vyncent didn't speak again for a long time after that. Neither did William. Instead, he focused back on the water reflecting soft light. How it mocked him with a gentleness and peace he was cursed to never feel. Was he always this spiteful?
"I'm tired now, Will. Wanna go back?"
"Yeah.. Yeah, let's go." A hand was offered to him again. He took it. Maybe he shouldn't have. He didn't know who decided not to let go as they walked. Was this never going to be talked about again, like the movie nights and moments of clarity and thinly-veiled flirting? The majority of him hoped so. Explaining himself wasn't a problem if there was never a time to do so. He sure as hell wouldn't be the one to bring it up.
William simply made his way back to the Winnebago with Vyncent, memorising the feeling of closeness while he was still able to. He'd been fading for a while now. It was only a matter of time before his senses left him hollow. He'll take it while he can.
Vyncent collapsed onto his bed and fell asleep right away. William plagued his head with queries as he always does. Self-inflicted struggles came easier than the ones outside of his control. Anything to keep his mind away from the slice of life drama he'd thrown himself into against his will. How was he supposed to ignore the events of the night and, when the daylight came, forget about it ever happening?
In the morning, he'll chain himself up and put out a thousand walls to keep 'I like you' from escaping his lips.
He always found a way. This couldn't be any different.