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Her cold hand.
It seems to me that i have become a ghost,
It didn't happen as soon as I died but it’s clear to me that I turned into one.
It’s kind of comical if you really think of it. My sunshine always said that ghosts were scary, and now I have become what she feared, yet she still wishes I'd appear in front of her.
I came to consciousness as a ghost probably in under a week of my death. It was pitch black until I tried to take a stretch and my hand felt less suffocated. I was in my casket, I managed to figure out how to get out of this forever bed and the first thing I saw when my head popped out the ground was her.
She was beautiful as ever.
I got a bit startled when she made eye contact with me but she looked the same, oh so sad. That's when I realised she couldn't see me.
I got fully out and walked towards her, I wanted to kiss her cheek bones where her silent soft tears are slowly flowing down.
I move my hand up and try to hold the side of her face to caress in comfort but my hand went right through her cherishable face.
I wave my hand inside her skull to see if i could feel anything, which i'm glad i couldnt, as that probably would’ve killed her.
I wish I could touch her one last time, I couldn't remember my death or how it happened, it's all a blur, everything but her.
I stood next to her and faced my grave.
“In loving memory of ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~, died too soon” did not help retrieve my memory of my death.
It was a beautiful grave, decorated with flowers and pictures. One picture included my sunshine and I’s wedding. She was wearing this while long dress and I was wearing a black long dress. I had long hair back then, she had her goddess box braids that really fit the name. We smiled at the sight of that picture every time but now, she's standing next to me crying, standing next to me but also six feet apart, why do i feel so far away from her.
I look down at her hands and see she's fully tensed up with her hands in fist.
I move my hand around hers and try holding her hand as though i try to entwine our hands together like how we used to, but i can't grip onto her hand, so i hover over her hands to make it look as though im touching her, just to make it look less lonely.
I can't feel anything but for some reason I can feel the coldness radiating off her hand. It was the first time I felt anything since my death, why is she colder than I am?
This is unfair and she knows it. I love her and will continue to love her for all of eternity. She deserves better. I wish I could at least hold her in my arms one last time.
To feel our warmth once more.