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Ochako is giddy as her and Izuku walk across the boardwalk to get from the car park to the beach.
It's windy, and the sun will be setting very soon. But overall, it's warm. Not uncomfortably so, but warm enough that she can wear her skirt with an undershirt she had under her uniform and Izuku's uniform shirt with no issues. Izuku's only in his white undershirt. She spilled some orange soda on hers earlier, and while Izuku laughed at her, he helped her take it off and gave her his so she wouldn't get cold. Izuku's never been bothered by the cold, so she didn't feel too bad about taking his shirt.
Izuku follows behind as they speed to the sand, giggling quietly as if they were meant to be hiding.
Just before they get to the sand, Ochako stops to hold onto railing so she can take her loafers and short socks off. Izuku takes off his sneakers beside her, and rolls up his uniform pants.
Ochako grabs his free hand the very moment he's done, has his shoes in hand, and pulls him along with her. He makes a startled sound, but lets her pull him away. They're both running now, with the wind hitting them sideways. His shirt fluffs up behind Ochako with the wind that fills it.
They laugh loudly, with Ochako occasionally looking back to see if he's still there as if his hand isn't trapped in hers. Just before getting too close, they drop their school bags and shoes in a carefree pile on the sand.
Finally, they reach the ocean. Seagulls screech somewhere in the area, though they aren't close to Izuku and Ochako. It smells like the sea; Izuku found great comfort in that smell back when he was thirteen, cleaning a beach much closer to home.
Ochako jumps over an approaching wave and lands in the water with a splash. She screams at how cold it is, but doesn't try to get out.
She lets go of his hand, only because he doesn't want to get deeper. Izuku watches her get further in, until the water is just below her knees. A small wave reaches up to his ankles, but splashes up and wets a bit of his folded pants. He doesn't care, though.
She says something, but the crash of a wave makes it hard for Izuku to hear. She laughs at her own joke and gets on to kicking up some water.
His eyes single out on her, and not the orange sky above, not on the glittering sea, not the scenery of a far away island. Her.
Ochako tries to tuck some of her hair behind her ear, but the wind makes her attempt useless. Not that she seems to mind too much. She's looking in the water for something.
"What are you looking for?" he asks. Ochako's eyes flicker at him and her smile grows cheeky, but she doesn't answer. After a second, she makes a face like she found it, and she points.
"Deku, come look at this!" she exclaims. As if put under a spell, Izuku instantly obeys her and forgets his prior attempt to stay as dry as possible. He stops just beside her and looks at where she pointed.
He's confused. "What am I looking at, exactly?"
She clicks her tongue and puts one hand on his back, the other pointing again, "Right there, look."
They both lean forward, and Izuku's confusion only grows.
That is, until, he's suddenly falling forward and his whole body is suddenly freezing and wet. Ochako's hysterical laughter is the only thing he hears aside from the wave that hits his face when he tries to keep his head above the water.
Quickly, he sits up and uses his wet hands to try to get the salty water and sand out of his face. Izuku spits the water that got into his mouth out, too.
"Uraraka!" he shouts. His eyes burn from rubbing in the salt. She laughs some more.
"How did you not see that coming?"
Finally, he relives his eyes and looks up to glare at her. She has tears in her eyes from laughing, and her arms are wrapped around her stomach.
When she closes her eyes, in that split second, Izuku smirks and lunges himself forward to sweep her legs right out from under her. She yelps loudly just before her body hits the water.
It's his turn to laugh.
She shoots up a second later, now sitting in front of him, gasping for air as if she'd been under there for days. "Deku!"
"Serves you right, jerk!" Right when she's ready to see, he splashes more water at her. Ochako makes a sound of discontentment, then splashes water back at him.
And so, a splashing frenzy begins.
They both squeal and shout jabs and jokes at each other about missing (when they don't miss), about their splashes being weak (when they're strong), and an argument on who's winning (no one is).
"Okay! Okay, I give! White flag! Uncle!" Izuku yells lightheartedly as he stops, and she continues.
Ochako stops a moment later and they both glare at each other (playfully), breathing heavy from all the excitement. Water drips from their hair. Some falls onto Izuku's face; Ochako can't help but watch a drop of it land on his nose and slip down to the tip of his nose until it drips back down to the ocean.
"Ha!" she laughs breathlessly. "I win!"
"Yeah, right. I just swallowed a whole gallon of water, that's why I gave in."
Ochako giggles, shifting to sit on her knees. She squints her eyes and wiggles her fingers at him, "You sore loser!"
"I am not a sore loser,"
"You are the sorest of losers."
He scoffs, "Says you."
Izuku and Ochako are third years now, and school just let out for the summer. And by that, it means they get one week off until it's off to interning at their respective agencies. Only seven days of freedom. Over the years, as if they weren't already close, Izuku and Ochako got even closer. They're the kind of friends that everyone thinks are dating, but they're not.
They're just friends.
Even though they're both completely in love with each other.
Ochako has a little suspicion that maybe Izuku knows that she's in love with him. She once mentioned having a crush, and he asked who, she refused to tell but described him. He went quiet, but had a small smile. She knows him well enough to know that it was no sad smile, but rather a hopeful one.
So, maybe Izuku likes her back. Ochako hopes she got that right, and isn't just giving herself false hope.
"We didn't bring any towels, dummy," Izuku scolds, splashing gently at her. She purses her lips and shrugs her shoulders. "We'll get sick."
"Then sick we shall be, Deku. Sick together," she makes a clicking sound as she winks at him. Izuku scoffs humorously at that, and rolls his eyes in a playful way. "We do everything as a team, don't we?"
He nods. "Yes, but that doesn't mean I wanna get sick with you. Who else is gonna take care of you?"
"I can take care of myself, thank you."
Izuku tilts his head, "Yeah, but you don't have to."
It's such a simple thing, but it makes Ochako's heart leap. She smiles softly at him, and he smiles back. She blinks, and water droplets fall as if creating her own rainclouds with her eyelashes.
Izuku loves her eyelashes. They're so long and thick, and perfectly compliment her beautiful eyes. Eyes he swears he could look at all day, every day for the rest of his life and never get sick of. Especially now, with the setting sun hitting her directly. The brown of her eyes shine like a warm summer day, and they sparkle with the reflection of the water. They also appear a lot brighter now. It's cliché, but it's true.
Ochako's eyes, to Izuku, are perfect and the most gorgeous set of eyes he'd ever seen. Eyes so filled with life and so filled with love.
Especially when she looks at him like he's the only person left in the world. Like she holds him higher above anything else. He notices, every time, when she looks at him and her pupils dilate wide. Izuku doesn't know if it's a myth that pupils doing that means the person loves someone, but he hopes it's true.
"C'mon. I'm freezing here."
Ochako, unbeknownst to Izuku, feels the same about his eyes, though just a bit different because the way he looks at her is different. Ochako knows all the things Izuku's been through throughout his life. She knows that she's his first real friend. Ochako knows that Izuku naturally regards her higher than most. But she got to watch those eyes change in real time.
Ochako remembers how Izuku used to look at her like a friend. A highly valued friend, but a friend nevertheless. She watched the light in his beautiful green eyes fade away to nothing but a dark sorrow and immense fear. She remembers the day they found him in Kamino, dirty and exhausted, and how he looked at everyone else but refused to look at her.
She didn't understand at first why she was the only person he squeezed his eyes so tightly for, why he didn't let her speak, why he didn't listen. Eventually she did. Izuku had told her that her grabbing his hand and her speech solidified it; he would've listened to her. Izuku would've stopped and listened, and probably would've given in, and he knew that. So he dodged her completely. Her voice alone, according to him, almost made him stop in his tracks.
Her speech. The light flickered in and out of his eyes through that day, but when he was looking at her and hearing what she had to say about him, and that she saw Izuku—not his quirk, not the messed up hero, but Izuku—all the light came back and stayed.
Those eyes that always gave her hope and gave her strength were back. Not back to the way they used to be. Not with the burdens her best friend had to carry. But they were there.
He holds out his scarred hand once he's up and she takes it gratefully. He pulls her up. Gravity does its thing and water pours out from their clothes.
"I wanna watch the sunset," Ochako says, never looking away from him.
He hums in agreement. "Me too."
He keeps holding her hand as they exit the water. She looks down to make sure she doesn't step on any shells until they're both out, then she looks up at his back.
His back. That is now almost perfectly visible to Ochako, because his undershirt now clings to his body. Ochako averts her eyes before she starts thinking too much about those muscles that are so defined that she can see them through the shirt, or the way they shift as with every step he takes.
Ochako bites her bottom lip.
Izuku leads her to the spot in the sand where they dropped their things, that's still relatively close to the sea, but not nearly close enough to wet them. They sit down side by side, arms and legs pressed up against each other. To share their warmth, Izuku thinks. He's never been one for physical contact, but he finds himself never minding if it's with Ochako. He enjoys it, really.
They sit in silence, watching the sky progressively turn more orange and green and dark blue. There's a hint of pink and purple, as well.
With each gust of windy that hits their cold bodies, they lean into each other more. Until, finally, Ochako leans her head on his shoulder and twists just so she's fully leaning onto him, relying on him for warmth.
His heart is beating rapidly from the adrenaline from earlier, and also because he has his crush completely against him.
He leans his head on hers and they watch the sky. Little by little, Izuku activates One For All so the heat from its energy could warm them both (and make Ochako lean into him more (as selfish as that may sound)).
Ochako sighs contently, and snuggles into him more. "This is nice."
"It is," he agrees wistfully. If anybody told hin a few years ago that he'd be in this position with the love of his life, Izuku would've laughed in the face. He used to think he'd never be able to get something so wonderful and so sweet—he used to think he didn't deserve it. But Ochako simply being in his life proves otherwise; he isn't exactly sure what he did to deserve this, but whatever it is, he's glad he did it.
Ochako shifts to look up at him, her chin resting on his shoulder. Izuku turns to see her, and she smiles warmly when he does; her nose scrunches up a little, too. He almost has to cross his eyes because of how close they are.
Izuku can feel the tips of his ears and his cheeks cheeks at the sight.
Ochako is so damn pretty.
He's always thought so. From the very beginning, he always thought of Ochako as attractive. Every day, she seemingly gets more and more beautiful. A sight that has literally made him go weak in the knees a few times before, more frequently.
Her eyes dart back and forth between his like she can't get enough of looking at him.
Izuku very subtlety leans forward, just the tiniest bit, like he's about to tell her a secret. Ochako raises her brows, having taken notice of it. But he doesn't say a word. That almost makes Ochako want to giggle.
But, instead, she says, "You're not watching the sunset."
"I'm looking at something much better."
Ochako shies at that, but she doesn't attempt to hide from him like she always does when he compliments her. She just lowers her head, her lips on his shoulder now, but her eyes stay looking directly up at him. Izuku makes a content sound through his nose.
The sky continues to darken, and the warm tones of the day steadily vanish. They have to head back to the school soon; they aren't supposed to stay out after dark. Izuku thinks about how, even if they left now, they wouldn't make it back with light out. So, he decides to risk getting a thorough scolding from their home room teacher this year—and possibly even Aizawa.
He would do anything in the world to stay in this moment forever.
Ochako blinks slowly at Izuku.
His heart clenches, and resists the urge to slap a hand over his chest.
Ochako doesn't know how long they look at each other for. Not that she really cares. She could sit and do this for the rest of eternity. The brunette lifts her head once more and rests her chin on Izuku's shoulder again.
Maybe this is it. Maybe this is the moment where she'll be able to confess to Izuku. If she's lucky, maybe she'll even get to find out what it feels like to kiss him. His lips look like they're a little dry, thanks to the water washing away the chapstick he had on earlier—Izuku's hates how his mouth feels when its dry, but it looks like he doesn't even notice it right now. Ochako instinctively licks her bottom lip, tasting the salt. She wonders if that's what he'd taste if they kissed.
"Deku..." Ochako says in a small voice. He hums. She tries to get the words out. What words? Ochako doesn't know. Anything. She just wants to get it out. While she gapes trying to find the right thing to say, she notices Izuku begin to lean closer to her. Her attempt to say something stops instantly.
He wants to kiss her. There's no doubt about it. Ochako is tired of questioning and doubting. So she won't anymore. She's confident that Izuku wants to, and that he will.
As far as she knows, he's never kissed anyone before. Neither has she. That makes her feel a little better, and a little less nervous. Her nerves start to string up, but she isn't going to back down. Not now. Not ever.
Izuku gulps as he gets closer. So, so close that their noses are almost about to touch. He tilts his head so they won't hinder what he hopes is really about to happen.
Like the sea reaches for sand, Izuku wants to reach for Ochako. To take that final step to get close to her in the way he's dreamt of.
He'd be fine with just one kiss. Just one, and if he went to sleep tonight and never woke up again, he'd still be happy that he got just one kiss.
Finally, their lips graze each other.
Izuku's phone rings loudly in his bag right beside them. It's set to a very specific ringtone. It's like a siren—one that he accidentally trained himself into not letting get passed three rings. Why? Because Aizawa would wring his neck if he doesn't pick up.
They both jump at the sound, both flying away from each other.
Despite Izuku's prior daze, his brain still works to force hin to whirl around to get his cellphone out of his bag. He swears under his breath as he fumbles to pick up. "Hello?!"
Aizawa tells Izuku not to scream unnecessarily. Izuku apologizes. Their past homeroom teacher asks where they are, because it's just a few minutes—nearly moments, until dark. Izuku apologizes again and assures they're on the way back. They just lost track off time. They're okay, he'll turn on his location so Aizawa can keep track of them.
Ochako watches Izuku stumble over his words, listens to how breathless he sounds. As if they'd been running the whole time. Even though she's upset their moment was interrupted—a bit annoyed that right when she was about to get what she's wanted for years, she still finds it funny how easy it is to fluster him.
Even though it was Izuku that even initiated their almost-kiss.
After a minute, Izuku hangs up the phone. He stares at the screen until it goes dark, then closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
"What did he say?" Ochako asks.
Izuku takes a second to answer. "Uh... j-just that we better get a move on now or we're in for it when he catches us."
"Oh..." she says almost mutely. Izuku looks over at her. They stare.
Then start to giggle, until their giggles turn into a semi-hysterical laughter. It's giddy and a tiny bit shy, but they rise from the sand together and Izuku picks up both their bags as Ochako picks up their shoes. you
Izuku and Ochako walk very closely to one another.
Both can't find the words to say now.
It takes them some time to get back to the school and it's already dark, but when they do, Aizawa is standing with his arms crossed just outside the main gate. He looks between them, just to be sure they're okay, then turns to walk with them in tow. The three of them walk, and Izuku and Ochako pick up a casual and quiet conversation about campus cats that have been spotted with multi-colored kittens.
Ochako says she saw a grey one; she thought it was the cutest, and she wants one so bad. Izuku mentions how he always took Ochako for a dog person more than a cat person; Ochako tells him she likes both equally.
Izuku knows they still have a lot to learn about each other, and that's oddly exciting. He can't wait to get to know absolutely everything about Ochako.
They reach 3-A's Heights Alliance building and Aizawa waves back at them as he heads back to the teacher's building. They shout a quick "goodnight, mister Aizawa!"
But they stop just outside the doors and Ochako stops Izuku.
"Hey, Deku?"
"Hmm?"
"I just wanted to say thanks for today. I had a lot of fun."
"Thank you, too. I'm always happy to spend time with you." Alone. They grin at each other.
With that, they head inside to clean up, then get dinner. Half the class is seated on the floor, with what looks like an ongoing card-game tournament. Shoto greets them first.
Nowadays, Izuku wishes he'd held Ochako back for a few moments longer. He wishes he didn't let her walk away from him, because they didn't get the chance to talk again that night. Maybe that was really his last chance to have said something, because for the next week, they went about their business. Of course, they had reached a point much, much closer. The closest they would ever be.
The day the class went off to their internships, Izuku and Ochako hugged. They said "See you later!" and that was it.
They texted at night during downtime at their respective agencies—it was a program where they'd be staying until the end of the summer at the agency's provided living situations.
Izuku was too tired one night to check his phone. He laid down on his bed, still in his costume, and knocked out almost instantly. Distantly, he heard his phone ding three times with her nightly texts.
He woke up late the next morning, and didn't have the time to check his phone again. He locked it away in a pocket and forgot about it until the night.
Izuku has never regretted anything more in his entire life.
Katsuki's eyes were wide, and despite himself, his first thought was Izuku. It fucking destroyed Katsuki, but he knew it would be ten times worse for Izuku, his childhood friend.
But Izuku wasn't there when the news broke. The agency was silent. Everyone was holding their breaths. But Shoto and Katsuki looked at each other.
Izuku was resting his eyes when his bedroom door burst open and there stood Shoto and Katsuki, panicked, Shoto almost hysterical, and Katsuki trying to keep his composure.
Izuku was up in a second flat, ready to take care of whatever needed him. "What's—Are you guys okay?! What's going on?!" But he pushed to sit back down by Shoto, and the youngest if the three, shaking violently, held on to Izuku's hand for dear life as Katsuki sat on his other side. The green haired hero's stomach sank, for reasons unknown to him. He didn't know what was happening. "Guys—"
And when Katsuki opened his mouth, Izuku's whole word shattered.
***
Izuku's room is empty when Katsuki goes to check on him (he also just couldn't stand being alone anymore). Katsuki stares into the dark room for a second. Then he goes to check in Shoto's room. Shoto's on the floor, his phone up to his ear. He's still crying.
"Yo."
Shoto glances up.
"Where's Izuku?" Katsuki asks, having full confidence Shoto would've known.
Shoto furrows his brows, and wipes his arm across his cheek. "Hold on, Fuyumi, I'll call you back later," he hangs up. "Is he not in his room?"
Izuku is not in his room. Instead, in the dark hours of the night, he's standing in cool sand in his sleeping shorts and t-shirt. His sneakers are filled with water, but he doesn't care.
He's staring out at nothing, really. The water is calm and steady. Far too calm. Unlike the loud crashes of thunder and lightning, unlike the waves that reach hundreds of feet in the sky, unlike the darkness and terrifying waves crashing in Izuku's mind.
His hands feel numb. His body feels numb. But his mind is the farthest thing from it. His breath is ragged and his lungs absolutely burn, his heart is beating irregularly and painfully.
A thousand things whirl in his head like tornadoes, unable to focus on any one thing.
He can't cry.
It's odd, because that's all Izuku's ever known to do. Cry. Cry. Cry, cry, cry, cry.
Just cry until he can't. Cry until he passes out.
But he just can't.
On this very beach, just a few paces away, just a few weeks ago, Ochako was shouting and laughing and running.
But now she's...
Just not.
She's not.
Ochako's not. Not. Not. Not.
What is she doing right now? Where is she? Is this some sick dream? Is this a nightmare?
Izuku wants to break something. Anything. He needs to... just fucking destroy something.
His head is throbbing, his heart aches like it never has before, his entire being is barely holding on to the reigns of control.
Control your heart, Izuku. Control. Control is what matters most. Don't lose your cool.
Izuku tries to blink away the blurriness of his vision. He tries to control the darkness that's festering in his soul. Control. Control. Control.
Izuku shakes his head in a poor attempt to keep those terrifying and dangerous thoughts from entering his mind. Thoughts so... vile that he can't even repeat them. He has to keep them away, because he'll lose it.
He punches his own chest, because he feels like he can't breathe and he feels like heart is close to failing him.
Izuku bends forward, then crouches. He's folding in on himself so hopefully contain the outward expression of the grief so damaging that he can't even begin to try to describe it.
It hurts.
Everything hurts.
Izuku's used to pain, but not like this. Izuku's mourned before, but not like this.
Nothing could ever compare to this.
He'd rather take a million repeated, never ending, painful beatings from Muscular on Trigger than go through this, but he's going through this.
His whole face contorts into one of undeniable anguish. His mouth opens, and he squeaks in an attempt to keep himself from making any sounds at all.
Control. Control. Control. Controlcontrolcontrolcontrolcontrol—
Izuku's knees hit the wet sound with a quiet splash, and his nails claw at his chest because he feels like he's dying.
He feels like he's drowning. He feels like he's being cut up, chewed up, spit out, stomped on, blended, burned all at the same time.
Izuku fights to keep darkness from having dominion over him because he knows that isn't going to do anything. He knows that all it'll do is him lose his shit and make his quirks go haywire because they react to his emotions.
Strong emotions are dangerous. He could kill someone, if they get too close, if he throws a fit.
It feels harder now that it did years ago when he thought Katsuki—no, when Katsuki was killed. Back then, Izuku had literally no choice but to have control. He had to, because that would mean the doom of Japan. He had to, but he also could beat the fuck out of the man that did what he did to Katsuki and the others. He had the option to take his anger out on someone, fuck shit up.
He doesn't have that. He just has this beach. He just...
Izuku gasps for air frantically, and tears finally begin to prickle at his eyes. His vision darkens, his throat constricts.
He's sure the anguished and loud and heartbreaking and gut wrenching scream he lets out could be heard for miles. He's sure the bright green flash of light and the loud rumble of his quirk activating can be heard and seen from the next town over. He hopes they can hear, but he also hopes it's as quiet as a mouse.
Izuku doesn't stop screaming, punching the sand and himself as hard as he can, he doesn't stop even after his throat turns raw, he doesn't stop crying when his eyes feel like they've flooded him with tears. He doesn't stop as his dry mouth somehow waters and he gets his own drools all over his chin, he doesn't stop.
Because he can't stop.
Ochako, his best friend and the love of his life, gone.
Gone? Gone where? Where did she go?
What did she text him last? What did he do to deserve this?! He never got to tell Ochako how much he loves and adores her. He couldn't tell her how much she really, really means to him. Not for his own conscience, but because she deserves to know how fucking much she's adored. She deserves to know...
But now he can't tell her. There's no way Izuku will ever be able to tell Ochako that he loves her.
He wishes he kissed her that night. He wishes he would've just said it.
Like the sea reaches for sand, Izuku wanted to reach for Ochako. But like the sea reaches for sand, Izuku was a coward, and pulled away.
That is something Izuku will never forgive himself for, and that's affirmed by the scream so loud that it echoes into a far distance.