Chapter Text
The movie wasn't something Simon would normally watch, but he wouldn't change anything. Wilhelm was seated next to him, pressed into his side, Sara was on his other side. It was nice, comforting. His best friend and his crush bracketing him in warmth.
Simon had no idea that Wille was prone to jump scares. His hand had darted to grab the inside of Simon's leg for the briefest of seconds, sending a jolt of electricity through Simon's entire being. But it meant nothing. It was nothing. Just a gut reaction to hold on to the nearest thing. It was just the fear from the movie. Simon tried his best to forget the feeling.
But Wille was making it difficult. Their legs were pressed together in the tight space. Simon never wanted to move. And then…
And then, Wille put his hand on his own knee. It wouldn't be anything to write home about except his pinky and ring finger were purposefully on Simon's knee. The butterflies in Simon's stomach burst into life. Was this really happening? The beautiful prince was never one for subtlety, what with his staring and always seeking Simon out. It was adorable and endearing, honestly.
The prince's eyes were locked on the screen. Simon has lost all knowledge of the plot, all attention hyper fixated on Wille and his damn hand. Every point of contact was unbearable and yet addictive. He wanted more .
Simon waits, just a short time, to make sure he's reading Wille right, that this gesture is an invitation. Hold my hand . Somehow, it almost feels childish. Like Wilhelm has handed him a note that says "Do you like me?" with check boxes that say "yes" and "no" and Simon just has to tick one. Yes .
Lifting his right hand, Simon places it half over Wille's. Wille ever so slightly ducks his head before glancing at him, the smallest of smiles on his face. Simon knows he made the right choice as he smiles back. His fingers tangle with Wille's a bit more, rubbing soothingly. Just wanting to touch. He wants to touch all of Wille. Wants to map out his skin, find all the spots that make him react, make him squirm and fall apart. He craves Wille's hands on his own skin. His fingers are soft and he can't help but imagine what they might feel like under his shirt, exploring, roaming, memorizing.
But as always, dreams are too good to be true. Wilhelm is pulling away and frantically scuffling out of the room. All of Simon's confidence vanishes. His side is cold and Sara is looking at him with an expression that he can't read. She just shakes her head before turning her attention back to the movie.
He wants to go check on Wille. He does. But… it's probably not the best idea to get involved with a prince anyhow. No matter how much his heart yearns. So he doesn't.
Wille doesn't come back. It just makes Simon's heart sink to the floor like an anchor in the sea. Maybe he should have gone to check on him. Maybe he got sick and is sitting on the floor in the bathroom heaving his guts out. Simon thought himself brave. He's been through hell and back. This shouldn't have turned him into a coward.
All weekend, Simon thinks about Wille's hand in his and how it felt to have his warmth pressed to his side. The yearning has been turned up to eleven and it feels like there's nothing he can do about it. He lost his chance. He should have followed. Should have made sure Wille was okay.
What if Wille had wanted him to follow and since he didn't, he's definitely lost his chance? What if Simon did follow and Wille got annoyed at him for checking up on him? What if he did follow and they kissed? Or talked? What if…?
Simon really needed to stop dwelling on the past, on the could-have-should-have-would-have's and focus on learning how to read sheet music.
Monday had come swiftly and Simon wasn't sure if he liked that. He was nervous to see Wille again. Worried that the boy would ignore him. Thankfully that thought slipped away into the ether as he looked up from the piano and saw Wille staring wistfully at him. At least he was okay. Things would be okay.
Simon was so annoyed with himself, thinking that Wille would avoid him. This boy looks at him so fondly all the time even as he's currently making fun of him for not being able to read sheet music. They share the piano bench and giggle as they play the tune for the Hillerska school song. It was comfortable even with the butterflies flittering about his chest.
Soft smiles grace both of their faces. Both boys smitten. Wille playfully bumps their shoulders together and then their fingers touch causing Simon to stop breathing. Simon's fingers are being moved to the correct keys. Wille's thumb gently rubbing the outside of his palm doesn't go unnoticed before he lets go.
The smile on this beautiful boy's face is exquisite. Simon wants to trace it with his fingers or perhaps his own lips. Neither boy realizes they are staring at each other with heart eyes until the teacher enters the room and is asking them to file out. They jump out of their stupor, quickly gathering up their things, lips pressed together to keep in their joyous laughter at getting caught. Getting caught doing what, he's not sure.
Wille’s hand keeps grazing against Simon’s as they walk down the hall. Simon keeps glancing at him, he had to know what he was doing, right? The feelings of their knuckles rubbing together, all warm and soft, was making the air in Simon’s lungs feel thick. Taking a full breath felt impossible. Had the butterflies moved into his throat? He could get through this. Just had to be brave. Simon can be brave.
Biting his lip, Simon finally decides to ask about Friday, “Wille?” The boy makes a noncommittal noise, as they continue their slow stroll to their classrooms. Wille suddenly looks nervous as he brings the hand that had been brushing Simon’s to his mouth and starts chewing on his thumbnail. Simon takes the deepest breath he can to gather his courage. “About Friday…”
“I’m sorry,” Wille cuts him off. Simon stops walking and turns towards Wille who stops just a moment after him and stays facing the way they were headed. A crease forms between Simon’s brows, confusion and concern was written all over his face.
“Why are you sorry?”
“I just got worried. Sara saw and then what if other people saw?” Wille was staring at the floor, arms now crossed over his chest like he was trying to hug himself.
Oh.
Simon bites his bottom lip again as he scratches at the back of his head.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t… I’m not…” Wille groans and drops his head into his hands. Why were words so hard?
I’m not . Simon’s chest clenches. Fuck. He starts turning to head towards his class feeling stupid again. Feeling like he’s been led on. Again.
“ Vänta. Vänta, snälla, ” Wille says a bit desperately as he grabs for Simon’s sleeve. Simon stops, but doesn’t move otherwise, unwilling to look at the other boy. “I… This is new and a bit… a bit confusing.”
Wille’s expression is open and vulnerable, eyes a little glassy, when Simon turns to look at him. Sometimes Simon forgets what it’s like to be closeted. He always kind of knew he was gay so he never really had any queer awakening, but he can understand where Wilhelm is coming from. Then a thought hits him, is a prince even allowed to be queer? What a terrible thought. It makes Simon want to weep.
Simon puts a hand on Wille’s shoulder and he relaxes just a bit at the contact. “You want to talk about this after classes?” The worry that coated Wille’s features transforms into a soft smile as he nods enthusiastically, hair flopping into his eyes (Simon can't help but find it absolutely adorable). They part ways and thankfully, they both make it to class on time. Barely.
—
It feels weird to be standing outside Wille's room. Simon shifts his backpack straps on his shoulders before lifting a hand to knock on the door. There's some shuffling and muttering before the door is thrown open and Wille is standing in front of Simon, a small smile playing on the prince's face.
"Hej," he whispers, eyes dancing all over Simon's face. The attention makes him want to hide as his ears start getting warm.
"Hej," Simon says back. Wille steps aside, pressing his back against the wall, making as much space as he can for Simon to enter the tiny single bedroom.
Simon can't help but look around and take in the space. Trying to glean any sense of Wille that he hasn't already discovered. He's kind of disappointed. It's mostly just clothes strewn about and schoolwork and textbooks. There's nothing personal. It's kind of confusing. Weren't students allowed to decorate their rooms? Eventually, he does spot something after he sits on Wille's desk chair. It's a small thing. A small domed snow globe with a frog prince inside. It's a curious object. Simon wants to know why the prince has something so trivial. The trinket must be special, whatever the story is behind it, to be the only personal object in the room.
" Hur mår du ?" Wille says not really meeting Simon's eyes as he sits on his bed, crossing his legs in front of him after resting his back against the wall. His hands fall in his lap, fingers picking at his cuticles.
" Bra, och du? " Simon twists back and forth a little in the spinny chair.
Wille just nods his head as he looks at his hands. It makes Simon want to hold the boy, instead he just gets up from the chair and sits next to Wille, one leg bent under him, the other foot on the floor. His hands held out in front of him, palms up. An open invitation. Simon isn't expecting Wilhelm to take them, he's obviously having a sexual crisis, but Simon can hope. They are alone. No one is going to see.
Wille looks up at Simon, eyes searching and a bit glassy. Simon's chest clenches at the sadness and confusion hidden there. Simon decides to just wiggle his fingers. The prince shifts himself so he's mirroring Simon's position, their knees and toes touch (Simon actually covers Wille's sock clad toes with his own) and Wille puts both of his hands in Simon's. A smile pulls at Wilhelm's lips as he squeezes his hands.
They sit in comfortable silence for a while. Simon's fingers non-stop caress and rub about the lighter toned hands he holds. Wille's eyes are closed and he just breathes, but Simon can see that the boy is content. During this time, he lets himself admire this beautiful, clumsy boy. He notices the light freckles on his nose, eyes catching on the scar forming below his left eye (the reason he was sent here in the first place). The way his eyelashes lay against the skin under his eyes that seems darker than it should be and Simon wonders if he's sleeping well enough.
Simon is following the line of Wille's jaw when he sees a smirk forming in his peripheral vision. Eyes darting to Wille's that are now open and shining with mirth. "What were you staring at?"
Pink dusts Simon's cheeks, but he hopes his tanned skin hides it well enough. That goes out the window though when Wille's smile grows and reaches a hand up to lightly drag his thumb across his cheekbone, the smile going soft as his thumb barely touches Simon's skin. Simon's breath hitches in his throat at the faint touch.
"I like you," Wille barely whispers, eyes tracing the path his thumb takes. The words are so quiet, Simon isn't sure if he actually heard it or if it was his imagination. The hand drops from his face however and whatever happiness was held in the prince's features fades. Pulling his other hand from Simon's, Wille drops his head into his hands and groans. "I don't know what to do!" The barely there words are muffled and desperate.
All Simon wants to do is make everything better. Make Wille feel accepted and cared for and like he means something. Something more than just a prince.
Gently grasping Wille's wrists, Simon tugs Wille's hands away from his face. The boy looks at him, wide eyed and vulnerable. "Hey," Simon smiles softly at him. "It's okay." Wille eyes dart between both of Simon's, waiting. "You don't need to figure it all out right now." The prince's eyebrows scrunch together like Simon said something crazy, it makes Simon huff out a laugh. "Not everything is black and white, Wille. Sometimes, these things take a while to figure out and that's okay. I knew I was gay pretty early on and there was no mistaking it. It's just been a part of me for so long that it isn't really a thing anymore. But it's more than okay that you don't know how to label yourself or if you even want to do that."
Wille nods a little and bites his bottom lip, brows furrowed in thought as his eyes dart around a bit. Simon looks down at their hands and wonders when their fingers wove together again. It's such a natural feeling that he didn't even notice.
The prince sighs and Simon brings his eyes back up to Wille's. He licks his lips and opens his mouth only to close it again. Simon squeezes his hands, trying for reassurance. It seems to work after another deep breath from the other boy.
"I've never, um," another breath, "Never really been interested or, um, attracted, really, to anyone… before," Wille trails off at the end, eyes falling back to their joined hands.
Simon rolls his lips in, trying to keep in his smile. "You think I'm attractive?" His eyes twinkle. Because that's what he decided to take away from Wille's confession. At least for now. He really just wanted to ease the tension, let Wille know that he could talk to Simon. That Simon wasn't going to judge him or invalidate his feelings. Maybe tease him a little for admitting he found Simon attractive, but it's all in good fun.
Wille throws his head back and groans. "Shut up!" he whines and gives Simon's shoulder a light shove. Both boys dissolve into giggles after that. Wille drops his head onto Simon's shoulder, his own shoulders shaking with laughter. Instinctively, Simon wraps his arms around the prince. One of his hands finds the base of Wille's skull and plays with the hair there.
Slowly, the giggling ebbs away and it seems that Wille can't bring himself to pull away from the comfort of Simon's arms. Content with Simon's affections. He inches closer, pressing his forehead to Simon's neck and curling into his side. Simon's face breaks into a wide smile as he holds Wille in his arms. The feeling of long arms around his waist is so soothing. Closing his eyes, he rests his cheek on top of Wille's head. They just enjoy each other's company, the warmth, the safety and comfort.
The biggest yawn erupts from Simon's mouth and he feels more than hears Wille snicker at him. He just gives the boy a squeeze and pulls him with him as he lays back on the bed. Another yawn causes Wilhelm to also yawn. The boy grabs blindly behind him and pulls a blanket over them. Simon smiles lazily and closes his eyes as his fingers tangle with Wille's.