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– You are very quiet right now. – Shikadai spoke casually, as if he hadn't noticed since he entered that place.
– This is not true
Shikadai is right. Ryogi is clearly aware of his detachment of spirit. He's quiet, as he hasn't bothered, as he has the last few times, to talk too much or bring up the subject of anything. All of that seemed irrelevant when Shikadai was right there, lying on the same bed as him, looking at the ceiling in a relaxed way, just after losing two shogi matches in a row.
Ryogi smiled at that thought.
And he still missed the moves a few times...
Still, it felt wrong to do that, after all these weeks of not seeing him, to simply be submerged in his mind instead of enjoying his presence.
Shikadai gave in to the urge to lay his face on the bed and started to look at Ryogi. There was something in those eyes that made him indescribable, it was a warm, good feeling in his chest. He could have sworn that he would be able to do anything, because all that mix of emotions makes him feel ready to take on the world.
He shouldn't visit Ryogi. Shikadai is part of Konoha's political elite, a prestigious family. No doubt they won't want a criminal close to their child; he closes his eyes tightly; they are from different worlds, from completely different realities, they will never fully understand each other's ideals.
They shouldn't be friends.
– What are you thinking? – that voice made him come out of his trance. Shikadai was now facing his body, also lying on his side towards him. Ryogi didn't notice when he sat down like that
– Nothing,– he whispered, and smiled when he saw the smile Shikadai gave him after asking that question. It was beautiful, his smile, he felt that it warmed his heart, it seemed that nothing else mattered to him.
Shikadai took that as a lie and waited for another answer, so Ryogi continued.
– Nothing worth worrying about
And he continued to look at him, he looked at him with those beautiful green eyes, which, he could swear, would be worth all the years of his life. The silence was comfortable, his heart was beating hard in his chest and he didn't know why he was feeling a certain difficulty in breathing, now his gaze met his, now diverted to the messy sheets; Anxiety gnawed at his insides, he wanted to glimpse him intimately for a little longer, but his insecurity didn't allow it and there was only a certain restlessness in the air.
– It's just that you're so sad all of a sudden...–
It took a few seconds for Ryogi to process the information.
Was he like that? easy to be read?
Ryogi is not a cold person, but one thing he should at least manage to do is be expressionless. Shikadai shouldn't be reading his emotions as if his entire emotional barrier, hard-built over most of his miserable life, was just glass. Something is wrong; Is he so vulnerable? Not showing his emotions in missions and operations was essential in his old line of work, it was the least he should have known as a criminal.
– What are the doubts that trouble you? – Shikadai spoke again, while smiling shyly despite his worried face – If you tell me, I can help you...
He allowed himself to smile that time without being embarrassed about it, and rolled his eyes in light mocking amusement. Ryogi started to figure things out.
Maybe he wasn't such a criminal after all.
– I was thinking… – Ryogi spoke, deliberately giving a dramatic pause – It must be really sad for you to lose in shogi every time you come to visit me…
– You idiot! – Shikadai's worried expression disappeared as quickly as mist and was replaced by a smug smile – I come here because I like the way you look at me every time we play.
– I've never done this,– Ryogi said.
Yes, he did; he did many times
He's been doing this ever since they met. Watching him as he thought of his next move during shogi matches. Ryogi enjoyed the gestures that Shikadai made. Resting his chin on his fingers while he thought, the act of frowning when he realized something, the smug smile he plastered on his face because he couldn't hide it when he thought he was about to win. It was something beautiful to be seen and appreciated, he would like to record every moment, every bit of those gestures, in his memory.
Damn it.
Shikadai revealed that he knew this.
Was it that obvious?
And after managing to take a deep breath and blink his eyes hard to drive away all those thoughts, he finally snapped out of emotional introspection. But, when he looked back at him, he saw Nara smiling. Shikadai knew everything
His face started to turn red. He just wanted to hide in a hole for the rest of his life for doing such a wrong thing to a friend. What was he thinking?; Why in those moments did it feel so right to catch a glimpse of something as silly as watching someone playing Shogi?; he snorted, mentally tormenting himself, and buried his face in the sheet of that bed in a failed attempt to hide his clear and evident shyness.
Ryogi should have learned not to provoke Shikadai
He can't help but smile
Shikadai propped himself up on his elbows to sit on the bed, he looked up at the ceiling and then at Ryogi. But it was too brief for them to keep in close contact.
Then Shikadai got up. It was fast; his presence was briefly dispelled and what was left was the great void of his absence. Ryogi missed that weight that was sinking a little further beside him.
He walked towards the small table where he had placed, moments ago, the Shogi board with the pieces completely messed up. So he began slowly, putting it away piece by piece, in a brown bag, on an almost periodic basis. The noise of the pieces clashed in such a way that Ryogi knew it was time for him to go; It was an unsubtle and pleasant warning to say that their time together was over.
He didn't know what to do, and Shikadai didn't know how to say goodbye. So they find themselves in this awkward situation. They didn't want to say goodbye, but there was no other way. Ryogi should come up with something.
If he ran away from that place, for example, they would never have to say goodbye in such an unpleasant way again. It wouldn't be so hard. He was thinking of solutions… If he managed to escape, they would see each other anytime, anywhere.
They could go back to playing Shogi in the square to the sound of birds singing, they would lie down on the green and badly cut grass, with bare feet, after playing several times, maybe even take a cold bath in that pond; they would enjoy the sky's colors again in those unique and precious moments. Ryogi misses all of that.
Perhaps living a sordid life in the nu-kenin underworld wouldn't be so bad after all.
– Well, I guess… I will… Anyway…
It's time
Shikadai finished moving the board, after placing those pieces with meticulous and slow, slow and slow, organization; he turned to face Ryogi, still with his back to him. He hadn't even moved that entire time.
With light steps, Shikadai approaches and sits on the bed, in a place next to Ryogi's stretched body, then touches him with his index finger. No reaction. He was lost in his thoughts, so deeply lost that it took him a few seconds to notice the gentle caress on his shoulders.
Ryogi snuggles up partially lying on the bed to face him.
Nara stayed for a while looking into his eyes, sometimes, from time to time, straying to his cheeks, sometimes to the sheets around him, but always returning to look for his gaze after that.
Ryogi felt and allowed himself to appreciate that gesture so beautiful, he couldn't help but smile after looking at it and looking away too many times.
It was a brief, intimate moment they shared, looking at each other in sudden silence. And after they'd spent a moment there, submerged in each other's gaze, Ryogi plucked up the courage to stand up and sit down, his body fully turned towards Shikadai, who, in turn, bent over a little more, in order to reduce the distance between them.
And they both feel that bad feeling of goodbye. Ryogi wants to do something. Shikadai wants to do something, but none of them have the courage or know what it is. In fact, one thing has to be admitted, the friendship he has with Ryogi is special and strange, perhaps strange because he's quite special, he doesn't think he's ever felt this way with any of his friends.
He took a deep breath, and took his fingers to gently caress, almost not touching in some places, Ryogi's arm, until he reached his hand. It was a slovenly, perhaps even timid, attempt at being a little affectionate as he settled it over Ryogi's and subtly intertwined their fingers.
– I come to see you again,– he said, firmly and with full conviction that it would be as soon as possible.
Shikadai placed his hand over Ryogi's, and leaned over him. Their hearts were pounding in their chests, their breathing was slow and calm, the touch was cozy, and it became even more so as Shikadai pulled him into a hug, comforting his face into his body as he pulled him closer. Ryogi had been afflicted and anxious, but that embrace soothed his soul, he could sigh, and relax in sad comfort as he smelled that sweet scent.
Maybe feeling that brief sense of comfort was what kept him alive.
Slowly, Shikadai pulls away from the embrace. He gets up, grabs Shogi's shelf on the small table, and he's gone before he gives up, or insists on staying a little longer.
When the cell's grid is closed, a sharp metallic bang expands throughout the room, the feeling of discomfort remains in the air for a few seconds, but soon silence reigns again. Ryogi takes a deep breath, after hearing the grille opening and closing, again, alone, he goes back to lying on the bed, curls up in a position almost hugging himself, The loneliness is about to stun his mind, he takes a deep breath, he could do anything thing at that moment, but he does the most unexpected thing, he just smiles.