Chapter Text
“You know, you should have dinner with me tonight; and before you say anything, no – this battle did not count for catching up.” Still covered in grime and viscera from the encounter just minutes ago, Mimi had naught a care in the world as she stood in front of her fellow dragoon, arms crossed as she gazed up at his ( still ) taller stature. She was no fool – a brief glimpse away from him and then poof , he would jump out of a window, or to a rooftop, or to Halone knows where. It was in his nature and she was determined to prevent it today.
Especially after last time. When words of meaning were exchanged, a kiss unplanned occurred, and then the next morning she found he had left his sickbed to parts unknown.
Suffice to say, she was heartbroken.
It was fine though; they were both a mess at that time (and possibly still are); there were things each of them needed to ponder on. It didn’t stop the ache, but perhaps today it could be mended. If only slightly. There were days she wondered if it would have been so difficult or awful for the man in front of her to write a letter or send a message to let those who called him friend that he was alive and doing well. If not to her, then to Aymeric for twelve’s sake.
However, the truth was it would have likely been awful for him to do so. As much as she wished to have answers, perhaps it was best she didn’t. It could be that it was better to drift unknowingly and remember the way he held her during their time together, rather than imagine it to have all been a meaningless affair. She knew Estinien to be a man of action versus word more often than not, but some sign to say he still lived would have been at least a small comfort. But while she silently contemplated this inner turmoil, Estinien was … smirking?
She could feel her nose scrunching up in irritation, the bastard was going to be clever.
Finally, he spoke. “My, so forward. The Warrior of Light I knew was never so bold.” He set his lance upon his back, she in turn doing the same as she scoffed.
“Our time in Ishgard was sometime ago; I’ve had to learn to ask for what I want.” She poked his chest. “Also, don’t change the subject. I’ve not seen or heard from you for what, three years now? Is one dinner too much to spare for an old friend?” Her voice softened toward the end, ears drooping slightly to match her somber tone. The adrenaline from the fight was beginning to wear off and the fatigue was beginning to set in, and her hand rested where it had poked just a moment before.
His own expression was also becoming more lax, hand raising to pull a twig that had landed in her hair as he spoke softly in return, the wind almost carrying it away. “No, I think not.” He smoothed her hair back down and suddenly she was back in that hospital room. His hand tangled through her hair as they separated from an unplanned, but not unwanted kiss as she confessed her joy to know that he was alive. How she whispered words of care and love to him. Like nothing had changed.
Except it had. Things had changed in their time apart; she was wiser now, not as wide eyed and jovial as she had once been. He too, seemed less cock-sure, more controlled. Healthy even. Unconsciously, the sight made her smile. She had never stopped loving him, probably never will, but just for today, Mimi will be selfish. She’ll take what she wants just as she has had to learn to do in their time apart, even if it's just his continued friendship for one evening.
She took his hand in hers and was comforted that this at least, felt the same. “Well, good. You showed me your home those years ago, and now I want to show you mine.” Even if his home was provided by his status as Azure Dragoon and without the title, he more than likely no longer had the accommodations with it, she would always treasure that small hovel tucked away in the corner of Ishgard. A place where he offered that they be just themselves when together; no expectations or mantles to hold. She felt it was only fair she did the same for him now.
That was how they ended up strolling down the streets of Kugane. Not many knew her origin of homeland, but Estinien seemed more than happy to listen to her stories of running around these same market stalls as a child, unable to really successfully play hide and seek with the other children, as her ears always gave her away. He spoke to her of his time in Kugane, arching an eyebrow here and there when she would share knowledge of the best areas for work, who to trust, who would give him an honest price on a sale. As they continued toward her childhood residence, they shifted closer and if their hands brushed each other, well – chalk it up to old habits from their walks in Dravania.
Soon they stood just outside the entrance of her home, the fence a little more rickety than she last remembered. The flowers have different hues, but no doubt well taken care of. Mimi bit her lip as anxiety coursed through her veins. Grabbing him by the forearm to halt his movement, she looked up at him and had the decency to blush as she spoke, "So… There's just one small thing I need to mention before we go any further. This isn't just my home, it's my mother's as well. I was planning to have dinner with her tonight, you know before I ran into you. I haven't been back to Kugane in about 10 years and I promised her I would let her cook for me, but if you'd rather we go somewhere else I understand. I can always let her know I’ll be back later than expected."
She averted her gaze halfway through her explanation, choosing to pick at some invisible speck on his gauntlet. Its funny how she could look Zenos in the eye without flinching, but even the mere suggestion that Estinien could meet her mother was more frightening than any blade at her neck.
Hopefully her enemies never find out.
The hand she was inadvertently holding lifted, stopping her ministrations and lifted her chin to look upward once more. His voice was quiet, but no less honest, as was his way. "I do not mind, but only if you want me to. 'Tis something personal after all. I do not wish to intrude where you do not want me." Slowly, he removed his hands from her chin, pulling his other hand away from her own grasped onto his other loosely.
He was giving her an out; an opportunity to keep a part of herself a secret, even if she was the one to initiate all of this. How was this a more intimate action than any time they had been in bed together? It warmed her heart gradually, allowing it to flow through the anxiety that had been building. In all of her time in Eorzea, as an adventurer, a scion – not once was she given a chance to say no. It was her duty after all, to help others, to be a beacon of hope that they needed.
Since first becoming a Scion, being named Warrior of Light, she has a chance to take back what she said she would do; to not follow through on an offer or a promise. She wanted to cry.
She didn’t though, but her lip wavered slightly in defiance of this fact. If there was anyone who should know more about her, it was always Estinien. Reaching up, she brushed a loose strand of hair behind his ear and smiled. "I do want you to. After all, my mom makes some pretty good squid. I'd hate for you to miss it."
He nodded in return and she led them both closer to the door, sliding it open and already hearing her mother pushing pans around further down the hall. No doubt making more food than either of them would have eaten alone. That's just how it goes though, right? Breathing out the last bit of anxiety from her lungs, she called out to make their presence known.
Not long after, her mother, looking nearly the same as she did when Mimi left for Eorzea, came quickly down the hallway hugging and fussing over her as if she was a child once again. She grabbed and picked and yes, kissed , just about every square inch of cheeks and forehead she could find.
"Mother, I think that's enough, don't you?" Mimi placed her hands over her mother's and placed a quick kiss on her cheek in return hoping to end the endless doting, but this did little to assuage her mother if the hard line of her gaze were anything to go by.
"Mjrn, nearly ten years ago I watched you board that boat and thought you would never come home again. I feel a little indulgence on my part is warranted." And indulge she did, hugging Mimi so tightly that it was possible the lighter under armor she wore could not prevent bruising from being left behind.
Though it was probably more emotional bruising than physical. Glancing toward Estinien, she could not help a deeping blush that no doubt stained her cheeks as he was clearly holding back laughter at her expense. Well, she couldn't let that stand. Good natured or not.
Mimi cleared her throat, hugging her mother and using the momentum to turn her to the side so she could drag Estinien into this motherly treatment as well.
"Mother, you haven't even allowed me to introduce you to my friend!" Untangling herself from her mother, she reached over and pulled Estinien closer by the arm, who's mirth was dying down to a more polite smile as he quickly glanced at Mimi. She only smirked back; it was only fair after all, plus she figured it's been quite sometime since the Dragoon had been mother henned by someone (Aymeric’s worry or concern for him notwithstanding).
"This is Estinien, formerly the Azure Dragoon of Ishgard." He even bowed slightly – cute . Her mother glanced between them both, taking in their more than likely haggard appearance, but her eyes lingered on Mimi just a tad longer with a calculating look.
That's … probably not good.
Her mother, ever fearless and loving, reached forward and patted Estinien's cheek. An overly fond gesture, but not uncommon with her mother. "Estinien, I've only heard of you from Mjrn's letters, but it's good to have a face to place with the name. And to also know who made sure she was safe. She can be a handful sometimes, but she always means the best.”
Then Mimi remembered – her letters … definitely mentioned Estinien.
You see, Mimi was not overly personal to just anyone. Her mother was her closest confidant, so of course when she became closer with Estinien and fell for him, she naturally told her mother.
After all, she couldn't tell anyone else. Especially when the man in question has taken off. Though she didn't tell her mother that part.
She had to fix this and fast.
"Right! Yes! I told her about our adventure, through Ishgard and Coerthas. After all, I wanted her to know I was ok considering rumors of my being a fugitive through Ul'dah at that time." She smiled, praying her mother wouldn't mention anything about the … steamier descriptions of Estinien she may or may not have given years prior. "But, mother, I know this was unexpected and you were only planning to have me over for dinner, however, Estinien and I ran into each other earlier today and I invited him as well if that's ok."
She may be an adult now, but gods did it feels like she was barely out of teendom asking her mother if it was ok to have a friend over for dinner. She knew the answer before her mother even said it, but still … it would have been rude to not ask. She could still feel heat on her cheeks as she glanced at Estinien and felt her heart swell at how content he looked, even if her mother kept glancing over and ensuring he too was hale and whole, picking here and there at some dried blood on his armor.
"Of course he can stay, we have a guest room too if he wishes to stay the night." For the first time today she saw his eyes slightly widen at the prospect and he began to speak up, "I would not wish to impose -" only to be quickly cut off by her mother once again. "Nonsense. There's no reason to go to a hotel when we have plenty of space. Mjrn can show you where it is. Also you should both clean up, dinner still needs to cook for a while yet, so don't feel rushed. Oh and you can call me Neesa, there's no need to be formal on my account."
The pointed stare in Mimi's direction was not subtle in the least and there went any chance of her blush dying down today; and as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, her mother patted Estinien's cheek once more and kissed Mimi's once again, before heading back to the kitchen.
Honestly, it was like time stopped in the entryway after her departure, neither of them moving an inch. Finally, she shook her head to clear herself of this entire introduction and cleared her throat. " Obviously , if you don't wish to stay the night, you don't have to. My mother can be a bit…forward in her hospitality, to say the least." Hesitantly she glanced in his direction, to find he was looking right at her with a contemplative expression.
He cleared his own throat, his hand reached up to rub nervously at his neck – again, a cute gesture and one he never showed when he was Azure Dragoon. "I did not actually plan my accomodations for the night, so if you don't mind, then … I would think it foolish to decline."
"It would be foolish. No need to find a cave or tree to camp, when you could have a nice bed for the night." She realized the possible implication that sentence might make, but she instead clapped her hands together and nodded to herself. "Right then, we really should clean up. I'll show you where everything is and hopefully we have some spare clothes that fit you."
Thankfully they did and each of them emerging from their rooms right across from each other much cleaner and refreshed, she smiled to see that the yukata that was stored was nearly a perfect fit, if possibly just a bit shorter if the hem line was any indication. "I hope the bath was nice, I think it's been a while since we had a guest."
He was adjusting the tie around his waist as he answered. "It was, though there was just one thing that stuck in my mind."
"Oh, what was that?"
"Your name. Your mother kept saying Mjrn and not Mimi, but perhaps I wasn't meant to acknowledge that. Though it would be remiss of me to not let you know my curiosity all the same considering our…history." He had the decency of a light dusting of pink on his cheeks as he spoke. "You don't have to tell me, but if it is a secret to be kept, I'll be sure to never bring it up again."
It hadn't even occurred to her. It was just so natural for her mother to say her name. "Ah, that . Well, how to explain …" stepping into the hall and closing the door of her own room, she fiddled with the towel still in her hands. "It's true that everyone calls me Mimi, but as you heard, my name is actually Mjrn. It's kind of silly, but when I was young, the children in school had a hard time saying my actual name, so I told them to call me something easier for them. We settled on Mimi because it was also easy to say in hingan. Mjrn is more of a … ansecteral name. One my mother gave to me, even though I was never born in Golmore Jungle like she was."
She stood closer to him, the hallway only providing so much space in the first place. "It's not really a secret, but more so something special. No one but my mother calls me by that name these days." Feeling a little bolder, she grabbed his hand once more, no gauntlet or glove between them this time. "If you wish to call me that too, I don't mind."
Giving him a soft smile and letting his hand go, Mimi began walking down the hall, throwing her towel in a nearby closet basket to be washed later. "Now, we better hurry and get to dinner. My mother never liked it when I was late."
She didn't look back, but if she had, she would have seen Estinien sporting the most caring smile he's probably worn since he was a child. He looked at the hand she held briefly and closed it, as if hers was still there, before following.
–
Just as promised, dinner was very good and definitely has more food than even the three combined could eat for one meal. Her mother even provided wine, a drink scarcely seen in this house, but she must have really been excited to see Mimi again.
Nearly ten years without seeing one another really was too long. She'll need to make a better effort to come home in the future.
After helping her mother clean up (though it was more like insisting to help) and wishing her a goodnight, Mimi took the rest of the wine bottle and led Estinien to her favorite spot in the house – her own balcony. It was just off her room and pretty small, but it always had the best view of the main city below. "So as you can see, I wasn't wholly unaccustomed to tall balconies and rooftops before Ishgard."
Not even really enough room for chairs, she set the wine bottle down on the ground and leaned her arms against the ledge, glass in hand as she looked at the still busy market street below. His elbow bumped her as he joined her, his own glass nowhere to be seen. "You're not leaving me alone to keep drinking are you?"
Estinien pulled his gaze away from the flickering lanterns to pull the glass from her hands and took a sip. "Never. Just thought we'd share like old times."
Their last drink together like this was a much more somber occasion and that memory just dredged up the pain in her heart even more. Leaning more heavily against his arm, shoulder to shoulder, and keeping eye contact, she finally asked what had been burning in her throat since she saw him on the steppe. A question that had burned for years.
"Why did you leave Estinien?"
They both knew she would ask eventually, but they both probably, secretly, wished she hadn't . The tension from earlier in the day returned and no amount of hand holding or soft words would make it go away. She could have let it go and enjoyed the day for what it was, but her dealings in Ala Migho and Doma made her feel like people could slip away from her at any moment and she didn't want to die not knowing.
His mouth moved as if trying to form words, but only a pathetic sigh escaped as he hung his head. She did not lean away from him, but could not look at him either. "I was worried, you know. Your sudden departure and not even a note. Nothing all this time to just let me or, hell, Aymeric, know that you were ok. I understand it's not your thing to keep updates, but when I went to visit you the next day and you weren't there I just…"
My heart broke . She couldn't bring herself to say it though.
"If I did something or said something…Estinien if it was that kiss – "
He put his finger over her lips, lifting his head with a resolute expression. The wine glass was set aside, but honestly it could shatter for all she cared. His hand moved to cup her face and she unconsciously leaned into it, waiting until he was ready to speak. She refused to look away this time though. Even if he broke her heart again, she would face it head on.
But she really hoped he didn't.
He stood there for a few moments longer, holding his hand against her face allowing them both to breathe. He sighed once more and spoke. "Before I say anything, you need to let me say it all, lest there be a misunderstanding." She nodded, seemingly unable to form words herself with his gaze so steady upon her own. He moved his hand down from her face, to rest against her own that was clutching at the balcony beam with more force than needed, fearful of this crossroads they might be taking with one another. But still, she kept quiet and gave him time.
"There was more than one reason I departed, but it would be a lie if I said the kiss we shared that night before did not spark an unease in me." He squeezed her hand, removing its tight grip from the wood to hold his own instead. "It was not because I did not enjoy it, far from it. Our time together brought me joy in a way I have not felt since I was a young lad. In truth, I did not think myself capable of feeling that again. My time with Nidhogg only cemented that further."
His free hand began to rest at her waist and she naturally gravitated toward him as he held her like he did that night after the vault. Such a similar scene this was, but so very different all the same. "I don't know how or why, but my feelings toward you were always different, even when we did nothing but argue those first few months on the road. As time went on I found myself fearful of getting too close, of tainting the light you held and represented to so many others."
"Estinien, you could never –"
"I could have. You may not think so, but there are many in Ishgard and Eorzea, who see the things you do and the hope you provide as sacred. I've done nothing but bring anger and cried of revenge for most of my life. Fell victim to the very thing I wanted to destroy. Yet, in all that darkness the only thing I thought of was you. There was not a moment we shared that I regretted and it meant more to me than just a few times in bed with one another."
"I ran like a fool, because I realized I loved you, and I didn't know what to do."
He wiped a tear she didn't even know fell from her face, and any other time she'd blame it on the wine, but she was just overwhelmed with emotion and frustrated that he could think he wasn't worth her. Earlier he couldn't find words, but this time it was she who had the same problem. Her mouth opening hoping words will form, just for her throat to close up as more tears fell.
"Please understand that while this was a big part of it, I needed to figure out who I was as well. I did not wish to burden you. There are far better choices than me; that's what I told myself but Mjrn, in these passing years there was not a day I did not think of you."
It was her name falling from his lips that did it. It sounded so … right in his gravelly tone. They were both fools to let so much time pass by like this. She tugged on the front of his robe to pull him down and kissed him. It wasn't the best kiss they had shared, but it was the right one. A kiss without pretense or notion of more other than to let the other know they meant something to each other.
When she pulled away, she moved her arms to rest on his shoulders, hands clasping behind his neck, while his own held firm at her waist. "Next time, let me decide who is and is not worthy of me. Estinien I truly thought that I … that I messed up what we had, that I not only lost a man I love, but that I lost a friend as well."
She buried her head into his chest, all tension leaving her body as she loops her arms around his waist. "I mean it, you know. I love you. As much as it hurt for you to leave, I was also scared. I understand, but please – no more thinking you are not worthy to love me and be loved in return."
Estinien kissed the top of her head, nose buried within the red strands. "I … will try. It is not easy for me, but for you, I think it is worth a little hardship."