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Lily jumped, startled by the crack of an Apparition, and immediately shoved the pack of cigarettes she was holding deep into the couch cushions.
"Sirius!" she snapped. "What the hell?"
Sirius flounced over to the couch and flopped onto it. "Is Marlene around?" he asked grumpily.
"No, she isn't," Lily said. "But honestly! You know you shouldn't Apparate into someone's house, it's rude. That's what the wards on the porch are for." Sirius shrugged, holding a pillow tightly in his arms, looking wounded. Lily rolled her eyes. "What's got you all in a huff?"
In response, Sirius groaned dramatically and fell sideways against the arm of the couch, hiding his face in his pillow.
"I'm not going to keep asking, as you clearly came to talk about it," Lily pointed out. Sirius gave a muffled grunt. Lily stood and headed to the kitchen, waiting.
"Fine!" he said. "If you're going to twist my arm, I'll tell you. Dorcas split up with me. Said my 'heart wasn't in the relationship.'" He sketched air quotes around the words and spoke mockingly.
"Well, was it?" Lily called, rummaging through the cupboards. "And do you want tea?"
"Got anything stronger?" Sirius replied, only half-joking.
Lily shot a glance at him, irritated. "Sirius, it's not even noon- hey!"
Sirius, having finished digging in the cushions, held up the cigarettes triumphantly. "I knew I smelled smoke!" he shouted. "You said you quit!"
"I did," Lily said, cringing. "It's just the one pack - no, don't!" But it was too late. He'd already vanished the cigarettes and was pulling mysteriously procured M&M's inside the empty pack. "Much better for your health," he said, satisfied. "And of course my heart was in it! I can't believe you're on her side!"
Lily, not entirely listening anymore, gave a noncommital hum. "So? Continue," she said vaguely, giving up on the tea and pulling a suspiciously unlabelled can from the cabinet.
"She said I spend all my time with my friends and that we're in a war and she wants a passionate boyfriend who gives a shit. So I said I am passionate and she said yeah, about the lads, and I told her she was wrong and then - what's that?"
Two bowls of a murky liquid settled themselves on the table. Lily put away her wand and carried over two chipped mugs of wine. "I'm not entirely sure, to be honest. Some sort of soup, I think? It's been sitting here for ages and I was curious. And some wine, since clearly you need to drink your troubles away and we're unfortunately out of hard liquor."
Sirius looked at her reproachfully, but tried a spoonful of soup cautiously. Lily grinned when he spit it out in horror. "That is disgusting!" he said.
"Thanks, means I don't have to touch it," she said.
Sirius glared and gulped half his wine in one go. "That was tricky," he muttered, pushing the bowl away. "And anyway, then she said I'm obviously in love with Remus! Remus!"
"Well, aren't you?" Lily asked matter-of-factly. Sirius sputtered, offended, then shook his head vehemently.
"Of course not! He's - I'm straight, first of all, aren't I, and Remus is - well, he's had boyfriends, but - I - no!"
Lily raised her eyebrows and sipped at her wine. "Are you quite sure? Methinks the lady doth protest too much, and I know you think he's handsome -"
"For a bloke, that doesn't mean anything - "
"-AND I saw you staring at him all wistful the other night, and Dorcas was literally on your lap. It was rather rude, really," Lily finished.
Sirius opened and shut his mouth a few times, then set his mug down huffily and rose. "I will not stand for this!" he said, turning to go, crossing his arms.
"Oh, come on, you know I'm right," Lily said, laughing. "You said yourself you'd fancy him if you weren't 'all about the ladies.'"
"When did I say that?" Sirius demanded.
"Last week, at Frank's party, when you were completely smashed and we were outside," Lily reminded him, smirking.
Sirius shook his head. "This is nonsense, I came here for you to stroke my wounded ego, not tell me I love someone I've known my whole life! Just because he is rather attractive and I may have had certain fantasies about him but only when very drunk so it doesn't count doesn't mean I love him!"
Lily burst out laughing. "Sirius, just listen to yourself! You love him!"
With that, Sirius Apparated, presumably to do some soul-searching. Or complain to someone else. Lily grinned and pulled a pack of smokes from her purse. "I think that went rather well," she said aloud to herself. "Now I just need Remus to admit it." She opened the pack and found, to her dismay, a pack of blue M&M's in place of her cigarettes. "Sirius!" she muttered, but smiled all the same and settled in to plan her next step.