Chapter Text
Home sweet home. Kaoru actually had that thought for a split second… and then he remembered they were in Boston.
Still, it was oddly nice to return to the real world after Barcelona, and while Boston wasn’t exactly a haven of modernisme and passion there was something precious about their Host Club bubble.
Tamaki had achieved his dream of them all living in one big house together, at least for the school year. The big house was more of an apartment building than a ‘house’, but at most they were only a flight of stairs away from their fellow club members at any given moment. Kaoru could have done for a more interesting backdrop for this particular fantasy, rather than this mediocre city in the middle of nowhere (not true, Haruhi mentally told him) but the company made it worthwhile.
The seven of them were back to the usual, convening in Tamaki’s room while he sorted through his laundry, combined with Haruhi’s, of course.
After her first venture overseas, and to a country of passion no less, Haruhi had returned with a new sense of confidence. It was adorable. Though, if Kaoru was being honest, her ‘flirting’ looked like Haruhi being exactly the same, Tamaki just blushed at the drop of a hat.
Tamaki was still Tamaki. Haruhi was still Haruhi.
When she wasn’t studying, which was pretty much always, she subjected herself to hanging out with the club (not that they gave her a choice), a good deal of her free time now dedicated to teaching Tamaki how to be a functional human being.
When he wasn’t buried in his hospitality books or drafting travel guides and accessibility plans he was eagerly studying how to be a husband. And so Haruhi, as well as the rest of them, had been swept up in his training. Thus far, he had set off the smoke alarm not once, not twice, but three times.
After being subject to a few too many test curries, they had to step in. “Boss, we hate to say it, but you may die alone…”
Tamaki had been devastated, but he was not about to let a recipe stand in the way of true love! He had already been writing an email to one of his father’s professional chefs when Kyoya had tapped on his shoulder.
“You know who you could ask to teach you?”
Tamaki did not know.
The twins sighed. “Your girlfriend?”
“Oh, right!” Tamaki nodded. “What a wonderful idea!”
“But you have to listen to her instructions,” the twins clarified before they lost him.
“No improvising,” Kyoya was quick to add.
At the very least, Tamaki wasn’t getting worse… and it was always fun to watch.
If Haruhi could still love Tamaki after he turned his third load of whites pink, they must really have something profound.
“Laundry day! Laundry day!” The twins chorused. They occasionally participated in the ‘commoner living curriculum’ because, duh, they got to watch the trainwreck that was Tamaki and they got to take advantage of all the test meals.
After spending almost every day together, even more than before, the twins had learned that their two favorite people to tease were even more fun to tease together.
They didn’t actually have to do any work - Haruhi figured out their tactic (asking someone how to do something each step of the way until whatever task just got done for them) at record speed. She’d waved them away, since they were just going to be a nuisance, until they promised to really help this time.
“Folding duty!” the twins sang, sitting around the coffee table as Haruhi set a laundry basket full of delicates on the floor.
There was a ping and Hunny perked up. “Sorry, Haru-chan! Do you still need help?”
“Oh it’s okay, there aren’t that many clothes to go through, say hi to Reiko from all of us,” Haruhi replied.
Hunny gave her a thumbs up and skipped away to take the call - it was still 3am in Japan, but it worked because Reiko was nocturnal by training.
Upon his exit, Pome and Piyo perked up, eyeing the door.
“Go ahead, Mori-senpai!” The twins told him. Haruhi emptied the laundry basket on the table. “We’ve got it covered!”
He nodded back, gathering his animals to take them on their afternoon walk, it was about that time anyway. Kaoru wasn’t sure how one took a chicken on a walk but Mori managed. The twins turned back to the task at hand.
“We can handle underwear!”
“Down you heathens!”
“I think I’ve got it covered,” Haruhi sighed. “You can have towels… hand towels…” she told the twins, barring them from Tamaki with a stack of clothing. “Tamaki, you can match socks.”
Kaoru started on his half of the pile.
“I don’t get it. Why don’t you send all this to the cleaners?” Hikaru said. They certainly wouldn’t turn everything pink.
“It’s expensive...” Haruhi started with the t-shirts. “I don’t always have time to go to the cleaners, and it’s not necessary for stuff that isn’t dry-clean only,” she patiently explained.
Right… they always forgot some people didn’t have dry cleaners on staff, they forgot people didn’t have staff at all.
“How bleak.” The twins shook their heads.
“It’s efficient!” Tamaki said, now an expert on commoner laundry, he evaluated his pile and seemed to decide on his action plan. “And economic!”
“It’s tragic.”
Hikaru reached across the barrier to point out a match to Tamaki - who was dividing socks by length, pattern, and pinkness. Tamaki took the other half he was looking for and put the set into his ‘done’ pile. He grabbed a new sock, finding its sibling in the spread- Hikaru snatched it away before he could pair them.
They were now engaged in a race to match socks.
Kaoru finished folding his towel stack and the last of Hikaru’s, as he had abandoned his post for socks.
Kaoru sighed and looked about the room. Hikaru was still Hikaru. That reminded him, someone had slipped right out of helping with laundry. Their other favorite person to pester among the club, or maybe just Kaoru’s.
Kyoya was stationed at the dining table, typing on his computer, just like they were in Music Room #3. He seemed to either be studying or plotting world domination, probably both at the same time.
The Dark Lord had made a fatal error when he’d appointed Kaoru his second-in-command; he had revealed himself to be cute and, even worse, teasable. He may be better at hiding it than most, but that only made it more satisfying when Kaoru caught him.
“What are you doing?” Kaoru realized he could just ask. He skipped over to the seat next to Kyoya and propped his chin up with a hand.
He could’ve sworn that for a second there Kyoya was going to brush him off, but then he changed his mind.
“I’m emailing Ranka. She wants to hear all about her daughter’s first trip to Europe.”
Kaoru leaned in to see Kyoya’s screen, and Kyoya angled it better so he could look at the long wall of text and attached photos. It was made up like a picture book of them all: at the Sagrada Familia (though he hasn’t included a picture of their pose, what a waste), them at Park Guell, looking in awe at Casa Batllo.
“When did you even take these?”
Kaoru could’ve sworn he hadn’t seen Kyoya’s camera out. Did he assign his bodyguards to take candids of his friends? He wondered which one - Tachibana? Hotta? Aijima?
Kyoya only gave him an ominous shrug.
Kaoru took the computer in hand and kept scrolling. The email was rather long - there was a picture of Haruhi distracted by the many plates of tapas, and comments on her favorite kinds. Kaoru noted that their rooming arrangements were omitted entirely from the very thorough report, ever careful Kyoya.
He looked at Haruhi at the center of the group photo, her hair down to her chin now. She was so cute. Their whole group of friends was so cute, Kyoya neatly putting together a scrapbook of them all was…
“You realize how cute this is right?”
Kyoya rolled his eyes and pulled the laptop back over to himself. Kaoru stuck his tongue out at him and looked at the picture of the club on their way to the airport - smiling around Carmen’s sculpted Sagrada Familia. It had wound up in Mori’s dorm unit as Kyoya ‘had no use for it’, but it was rather impressive - and more impressive that she’d had the sculpting materials on hand.
“Quite a woman, huh?” Kaoru said, just to say. He meant it, she was, and in a good way!
“You and Hikaru seemed quite enchanted by her.” Kyoya didn’t look up from his typing.
Carmen would have been wasted on Akito, Kaoru maintained that, but he could admit that she wouldn’t have been wasted on Kyoya. Or rather, Kyoya wouldn’t have been wasted on her. Sorry, Carmen.
Kaoru shrugged, dismissive. “I can respect a girl with good taste in architecture.”
Kyoya gave a half nod at that.
“She really was like Carmen. Seduced the guard and everything,” Kaoru said, looking at Kyoya out of the corner of his eye.
Kyoya looked up for a second, considering.
“Am I meant to be the guard? Tamaki and Haruhi are the ones she got on her side, if anyone.” He looked back to his screen. “Besides, she’s not my type,” he said, answering a question Kaoru hadn’t asked.
“You have a type?” he said, eyebrows rising.
Kyoya tilted his head back up ever so slightly, the light catching his glasses.
“Hm. Not particularly.” Somehow, without moving, he verbally shrugged, like it couldn’t matter less to him, as if Kaoru wasn’t still processing Kyoya acknowledging any romantic interest at all. “I suppose I just know what it isn’t.”
“Ugh, that’s not an answer. What does that even mean?” Kaoru shook his head, he was confusing himself. “You have to have one!”
“You seemed surprised only a moment ago…”
“Yeah, that you’re acknowledging it,” Kaoru said, rolling his eyes. “Obviously, you have a type, everyone does.”
“Is that so? Yourself included?” Kyoya said, amused.
Kaoru… had to think about it. He’d only ever liked… Haruhi. And so much of that was just… Haruhi. That wasn’t so much a type as an anti-type. Haruhi was one of a kind.
He could admit to appreciating other people’s appearances, sure. For all their jesting, he couldn’t deny Tamaki was an exceptionally well-proportioned human being (that’s why he was so stupid - it kept him in check and balanced the scales of the universe).
He knew Mori was handsome in a tall and dark way that was only more endearing in a gentle giant. He knew Hunny was cute in a way that made you want to pinch his cheeks and give him whatever he wanted.
He knew he and his brother were tied for the prettiest in any room they stepped foot in and had known as much since they were in elementary school.
He knew Kyoya was… cool in his intimidating, smarter-than-you sleekness and that he had amazing cheekbones. That didn’t really whittle it down to one particular type. And even then! Appreciation wasn’t the same as being attracted to someone, or wanting to do anything about it.
He still hadn’t answered. Kyoya’s eyebrow lifted ever so slightly. He had great eyebrows too. Kaoru had to respect that. Lit by the computer, Kyoya’s glasses obscured his eyes, but Kaoru knew he had that look he got when he’d walked someone into a trap and proven himself right. Fine, maybe Kaoru didn’t have much of a type, just like Kyoya. And maybe he wasn’t the guard to Nanako’s Carmen.
If anything, Kyoya should have been cast as Sancho Panza instead of him and Hikaru, knowing Tamaki was a madman and still willing to follow him anywhere.
Kaoru shrugged, flippant, he didn’t care enough to keep this argument up. “Eh, I know it when I see it.”
Kyoya nodded, unimpressed by Kaoru’s non-answer.
“Though I wouldn’t say femme fatale is my thing.”
“That’s just as well. Nanako-san doesn’t appear to be looking for a commitment any time soon.”
Good for her, even if she wasn’t Kaoru’s type. He had to tip his hat to anyone who left a meeting with Ootori Yoshio unscathed, and even better, got out of a marriage contract with Akito. Of course, the whole setup had all been an elaborate test, without the need of anyone marrying anyone, but it was still an accomplishment.
“You totally buried the lede, you know.” Kaoru frowned at Kyoya, reminding him that he was the one on trial here.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied, like he knew precisely what Kaoru was talking about. Kaoru puffed his cheeks out at him.
“I wouldn’t have gone if you said it was for Akito.”
Though it had been fun to see the horrified look on his face.
“Yet you seemed to have a lovely time.”
Well, he had, but he would’ve appreciated being in the loop. He wouldn’t have wasted several days seriously thinking Kyoya was getting married.
“I suppose, in a way, the whole excursion also served as a way to evaluate me, even if I wasn’t the one potentially getting engaged,” Kyoya admitted.
“Not this time,” Kaoru said, quick as he thought it. Kyoya really had them all fooled for a second there. “But one of these times it will be.”
“Perhaps. It is the standard expectation.” Kyoya moved half a degree, his eyes coming into view. “Our little adventure with Nanako-san reminded me that there are many paths one can take in life and I can see the merit in wanting to live according to one’s own terms.”
Kaoru squinted back at him, puffing out a cheek. Classic Kyoya, he ‘could see the merit’ in Carmen, sure, but if he was completely immune to a woman like her, he was probably immune to women altogether.
Now that Kaoru thought about it… Kyoya had never cared about the girls at Ouran as more than customers, customers he was willing to help in elaborate ways, sure, if Tamaki begged enough, but that was the extent of it.
Of course, it wasn’t like either of the twins were interested in any of the girls at Ouran, at least not as more than an audience, as pieces on their game board.
All except for Haruhi. But that was Haruhi. And Kyoya was never there cooing over Haruhi’s cuteness or trying to get her to wear a maid costume. He just took advantage of the other club member’s weaknesses for the sake of his own entertainment.
Kaoru should have known he wouldn’t give him a straight answer. Rather, Kyoya was giving him a test and waiting for Kaoru to arrive at the right conclusion.
Now it was his turn to answer Kyoya’s unspoken question: Do you understand?
“You’re gay, aren’t you Kyoya-senpai?”
“Hey!” Tamaki’s voice came from the living room. Hikaru had tugged the match for his pair of socks from under Tamaki’s stack and sent it tumbling.
“My sock tower!”
Haruhi sighed at them both, grumbling about how somehow this task was taking longer with more people. Antoinette grabbed another sock, since they were strewn across the floor, and was happily making a round about the room. She trotted past Kaoru and Kyoya at the table.
Kyoya paused - not upset, not scandalized, not even coy, he only went perfectly still. That’s how Kaoru knew he had surprised him, if only for a second.
He tilted his head back up, his eyes piercing through the glass.
“That’s quite a claim,” he said, looking away again.
“What? You want me to explain my reasoning?” Kaoru lifted a brow at him in challenge. He was right, wasn’t he?
Kyoya shrugged a shoulder. “I trust your logic.”
Really, it made sense of everything - Kyoya ran a club of incredibly good-looking men and had an almost disturbing understanding of what appealed to young women. He never had any interest in hosting and, if Kaoru could recall, and he had been paying attention - had never so much as blushed in the presence of a girl. Any girl. Even the cutest girl they knew. How had Kaoru not figured it out earlier?
But of course, Kyoya was a complex character. He was a well-dressed onion with layers upon layers, he hid behind his walls and even if one barreled through them, he probably had a trapdoor pre-installed in the floor. Kyoya was too dramatic to just give away information about himself - he laid out all his hints like a puzzle, daring someone to solve it. And Kaoru had gotten the answer right…
He supposed he hadn’t paid Kyoya that much attention in awhile - there’d been so much going on, but now they were settled, he couldn’t help but watch…
Then again, maybe he just had too much time on his hands.