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“What class do you have right now?” Mizuki asks, dangling their feet over the edge of the rooftop.
They know exactly who just opened the door to the rooftop, only needing to take four long strides to get to the edge because of their absurdly tall height. No one comes up to the roof during class except for him and certainly no one but him would stay on the roof once they spotted Mizuki already there.
“Biology. I only enjoy going when we have a dissection,” Rui answers, sitting next to Mizuki. They sit a little bit apart, but close enough to know that a few inches and they’d be shoulder to shoulder, making something out of nothing.
“Right, I forget that you’re insane sometimes,” Mizuki laughs and Rui doesn’t take offense to the comment—not when it comes from Mizuki. “I have gym. I hate the stupid uniforms.”
Rui doesn’t say anything in response, just gives them a small nod. It’s all they really need. There’s always been something unspoken between them; a delicate blur between the lines of what’s romantic and what’s platonic.
Mizuki stares up at the sky, watching clouds float by. The sky holds so many secrets, wrapped up in its soft clouds like you could never understand it no matter how close you got. Sometimes, Mizuki wonders what it’d be like to float up there and never come down—to join the sky in all of its secrets and live happily.
They look back at Rui who is engrossed in something on their phone, furrowing his eyebrows as he looks down at it. If Mizuki could float up to the sky and take Rui with them, they would.
But there’s no guarantee that he’d even come. No guarantee that Mizuki is as important to Rui as he is to them. No guarantee that there’s anything connecting them beyond the understanding that they’re both alone.
A sound blurts out of Rui’s phone before he quickly shuts it off, mumbling an apology as he curses at his phone.
“Is that Conan Gray? I love him.” Mizuki peers over at Rui’s phone, seeing his Spotify open to Conan Gray’s page.
Rui nods. “You mentioned that you liked him so I decided to give him a try.”
Mizuki feels something in their heart swell at the thought that Rui had taken time out of his day to listen to a singer that Mizuki had made an offhand comment about liking. They can’t place exactly why they’re so pleased about such a small action, but maybe it’s because it seems to imply something meaningful about their relationship beyond the fact that they’re both alone.
“Play it out loud,” Mizuki hums softly, placing their head on Rui’s shoulder.
“Which one?”
“I don’t care, just shuffle,” Mizuki giggles as the soft opening of Crush Culture fills the air. They shuffle a little closer to Rui, pressing their side against his to close the gap of what is and what isn’t real.
It’s been like this since middle school. A close understanding of each other with no idea of what exactly constitutes as more.
Mizuki has no idea what they’re allowed to do and what they’re not. Stolen kisses on the middle school rooftop and a hasty breakup on the last day because ’we’re not good for each other, Mizuki’. There’s still something lying underneath their breathless laughter and soft touches that could scream for something more if Mizuki wasn’t so afraid of what ruining a friendship could do to them.
”Oh no, don't look in their eyes cause that's how they get you,” Mizuki sings under their breath, not moving their head from Rui’s shoulder. Rui swings an arm around their back, pulling them in close.
For a moment—for just one small moment—Mizuki feels the urge to pull him in closer and go back to whatever they’d felt for each other in middle school that was so strong and unbridled, but then the moment’s gone and Mizuki’s back to being terrified of what their heart really wants from Rui.
They wonder if Rui ever feels the same way; if Rui ever wants to kiss them the same way they want to every time they see Rui walk up to the rooftop behind them. They can’t tell, not because they can’t read Rui—they can—but because they can’t bite back the feeling that someone like Rui could never love someone like them.
Mizuki shuts their eyes, trying to imagine a universe where they get to wake up next to Rui, finally deserving of someone as good as him. They wonder how many lifetimes it’ll take to do enough good to even dream of being enough for Rui.
“Oh, this is my favourite! Turn it up!” Mizuki smiles as Crush Culture fades out into Comfort Crowd.
Rui does as he was told, raising the volume and then setting the phone down next to him. Something flickers in his eyes that Mizuki can’t quite place and before they even know it, Rui’s up on his feet, staring down at Mizuki.
“Dance with me,” he says, more like it’s a statement than a fact. Mizuki blinks as they stare at him until he repeats himself, “I like this song as well. Would you like to dance with me?”
“Oh! Uhm, sure!” Mizuki stumbles over their words as they rush to their feet, a little taken aback by the sudden request.
Rui holds his hand out and Mizuki gingerly takes it, intertwining their fingers together. He pulls them close and when Mizuki’s pressed up against his chest, that’s when they think ’oh no’.
They’re too close and when Mizuki can feel Rui’s chest on theirs and the quickening beat of their heart in their chest, the only thing they can do is pray that Rui doesn’t notice how a simple touch causes their heart to speed up so immensely.
They hate the way Rui can reach right into their chest and control their feelings with one quick movement. There’s nothing they can do but suck it up and try not to let their emotions show through their face.
I just needed company now.
The song picks up and Rui and Mizuki sway back and forth to the music. The dance is too close—too vulnerable—and Mizuki can’t stand the way they just want to be closer to him.
I just needed someone around.
Rui raises a hand, twirling Mizuki around with a smile and then pulling them back in. Mizuki follows Rui’s lead, not worried about trusting his moves. It’s more than simple trust in each other (though Mizuki’s certain that there’s no one in this world that they trust more than Rui), it’s the fact that Mizuki knows that nothing Rui would never do anything to hurt them.
Yeah, I don't care what song that we play or mess that we make.
Rui guides Mizuki across the rooftop, taking careful steps back and forth to the tune of the music. Rui knows exactly what he’s doing, each step planned moments in advance. Mizuki follows him, their fingers intertwined tightly.
It feels like they’re floating, rising above the school rooftop and finally flying into the clouds like Mizuki’s always wanted. They’re going together. Flying away from everyone else in the world until it’s just them alone.
Just company now.
The song winds down and Mizuki’s staring at Rui like they’re back in middle school and he’s the only person in the world that matters (and being honest, back then he was and he might still be now).
Rui has his hands wrapped around Mizuki’s back as they stare at each other, his warm breaths brushing against Mizuki’s cheek.
There’s a moment where Mizuki wants to reach up and kiss him. A moment where there’s nothing in the world but Rui, Rui, Rui and all they want is to be able to take Rui into their hands and finally be with the one person who makes them feel at home. A moment where they feel like they’re enough for Rui.
It’s a moment where they wonder how it would feel to be a normal teenager in love with their normal best friend, able to kiss him without a care in the world of what other people would think.
But then the moment’s gone and they’re back on the school rooftop, just two teenagers bonding over nothing but their shared solitude.
Something unsaid hangs in the air; something that Mizuki can’t quite place dangling in between the two of them. They don’t need to talk about it, they never do, but this time, Mizuki wishes that they could just take the initiative and say what they’re really thinking instead of burying it down deep inside of them.
They don’t.
They don’t say anything. They don’t dare to ruin the perfect friendship that they’ve built with Rui, the one person able to understand them better than anyone else.
The thought lingers in the back of their head that one simple kiss could ruin everything that the two of them had built in years of friendship. One kiss and nothing would ever be the same and Mizuki would be alone again, drowning in the darkness with no one to pull them out this time.
“That was nice.” Rui smiles, picking up his phone and pausing the music before the next song plays. He sits back down on the edge of the roof, gesturing for Mizuki to come sit next to him.
“Yeah, it was.” Mizuki grins as they take the seat next to him, Rui wrapping an arm around their shoulders when they do.
So they don’t kiss him. They lean into the touch and pretend like Rui feels the same way about them that they do about him and it doesn’t matter who else knows about it because they’re together.
They’re selfish enough to just wish for more moments like these. Moments where they can pretend that Rui is theirs just for a few minutes. Moments where they can pretend that no one else exists except for the two of them and nothing matters but their swapped smiles and the heavy beating of their hearts.
They don’t need romance or kisses or anything like that. All they need is Rui by their side and they don’t dare wish for anything beyond that.
As long as Mizuki has Rui in their life in some way or other, they’re fine with not being the most important person in his life (even if he’ll always be the most important in theirs).