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Mike is not having a good day, well, week. He hasn’t had a good week and when has he ever? But does it even matter because Vecna/Henry/001 is gone and forever gone. He’s exhausted and tired of dealing with that bullshit for 3 years.
Even after the post-vecna shit and the upside down it still feels like Mike is dreading something, somewhere - he’s always been spacing out more frequently and how he and El broke up for the final and hundredth time. Max is also slowly recovering, slowly but surely but who is he to judge?
The party and the adults are down in the Wheeler’s basement while Mike was sorting through old writings to El that he didn’t send in his room while everyone is laughing and having fun down there but then he sees something poking out and —
Oh.
There were at least 50 letters poking out under a drawer and it was all addressed to Dear, Will and oh the look on Mike’s face when he reached for it. He doesn’t feel disgusted, more of mortified. Because he was the one who wrote it and since now Mike knows Will is 100% homosexual, gay. But he’s reminded of how painful it must’ve been to write them.
Painful? More like how he can’t keep his feelings repressed anymore like he did in the letters.
Sure he’s 15 still but those feelings he had — still has for his best friend and never was once crushed even when he was with El, he crushed it himself and not Will. But it has to say something. It has to mean something.
But who was Mike bullshitting? It meant everything.
He’s been in love with Will Byers since he was what? Like 5? 6? And now he’s still 15 and still in love with him. He still feels bad for dating El and using her for a coverup for his own damn sexuality because he didn’t want to face the truth. He didn’t want to think he was queer . He didn’t want any of his friends or family to hate him just cause he likes guys - he did love El, just for a moment.
For a moment.
He loved El for a month and a half but after that he just… fell. One can say he fell out of love (which is true. But did he even love El in the first place?) he couldn’t tell anymore. He counted, of course Mike counted how long he loved El. But just looking at the letters makes his feelings grow and because Will means so much to him and he’s been such a shitty friend to him for so long and he feels like shit.
Will Byers deserves so much, but he doesn’t know why Will is still by his side after how many arguments and how many god damn times he slips up in front of him. But Will still chooses Mike and that - that says something. It always says something, because if he was in Will’s position he would’ve just given the fuck up.
But he’s complicated, him and Will are complicated and the internalized hate for liking the same gender, and overall just queer people makes his head spin and his stomach drop to the fucking ground. Even though many times he stares or glares at those god damn unsent letters addressing Will, he knows that he won’t ever have the guts to send it. But who cares? It’s not like anyone’s gonna read it anyways. So he picks it up, and it’s a letter that was the most recent one and he doesn’t remember writing it.
Dear Will,
God, when was it since he called “dear” to Will? That makes his stomach drop and turn. But that’s not the whole entire point. He should just get over it before someone finds out he’s been missing for almost an hour already.
I’m so sorry for being such a bad friend! I don’t know what to say or do anymore to break down your walls, to understand you, to - … nevermind. That’s not irrelevant or important for you to know. I know that we’ve been through so much shit already and how Max is still recovering and how that everyone’s better and the upside down shit is gone.
But my feelings for you aren’t.
How stupid is that? I told El we’re over and how she was saddened, but I know she can be an independent woman! I love her as a friend, I just wanted a friendship and the reason I couldn’t mean the I Love You was because I didn’t mean it.
Maybe I did, but it wasn’t enough.
Loving El was never enough.
Because you were there, always are. But how? I don’t wanna know, I’m honestly scared because I wanted to be normal. Fit in. I know when you came out to me and saying that y -
Mike looks at the tear stained sheet, he doesn’t remember crying making that letter. This letter specifically, but the stain was deep that the words were smudges and he furrowed his eyebrows and scoffs. What the fuck? Whatever. He continues to read it anyways, this looks like the longest letter to Will he ever wrote so he wants to know what he exactly had said anyways.
Sorry, I don’t know why am I crying when you’re literally alive and breathing and how me and El broke up, but maybe is because I didn’t wanna be labeled as “fairy”, “queer”, or “gay”, or “fag” but I knew that I liked you, loved you. But I was too scared and I am. I’m so fucking terrified and when you came out to me and when you cried in my arms when I told you I’d support you, I meant it.
I meant everything I said to you, that day.
I know how Lonnie was such a fucking asshole to you and how you munbled thinking I didn’t hear you say “your opinion matters the most” warmed my heart on how it shouldn’t have. But who the fuck am I kidding? It always did. I just never realized it, or more like I didn’t want to. I was in denial for so fucking long and I don’t know why. Maybe because like I said - I didn’t wanna be called anything. Just… wanted to be normal. But no matter how many times I try,
I can’t get you out of my god damn fucking head.
Even in California when I visited, even though I kissed El, hugged her even and I didn’t for you - I still thought about you. Isn’t that awful? You would get mad at me for doing that because you are the most kind-hearted, and the most nicest person on the god damn fucking earth. Yet you went through that shit with all of us, and endured so much shit, more than most of us and I can’t explain how proud I am. But yet that one thing you couldn’t endure is that painting.
You were lying.
Will, I thought you don’t lie? Especially right in my face?
Why did you hide it? Why did you tell me that El commissioned it and not you who willingly made it? I have so many questions, and little to no answers. But that speech you also gave in the van about how “El” needed me. Yes, she needed me as a friend not boyfriend but you… you made it so believable that I thought you were talking about El but you weren’t.
You weren’t talking about El weren’t you? It makes me angry how you blatantly lied to my face but I don’t have the right to yell at you for it. You were securing your feelings and projecting yourself to El so I would believe it.
And I did.
Only for a moment, but when I saw you turn, you… you… nevermind. All I know is that you lied to me about the painting and that speech about “El”. Will, why did you lie? I want to know! What was the reason for you having to use your step-sister’s name to project your… feelings? To me. Or whatever you’re feeling, I can’t tell.
I know you don’t have feelings for me but sometimes it looks like you do.
But who the fuck am I kidding? Of course you don’t. But I do. I’m so in love with you Will Byers, and that feels so easy and not complicated to say unlike how I hesitate to tell El I god damn love her! I don’t know, and I most likely don’t get it either. I’m dumb but not oblivious, I’m so… I hate how I feel like this to you.
Why can’t I just love my best friend platonically and not think about kissing him? Putting my lips on yours? What do you feel about me? How do you feel against me? Those thoughts, these thoughts won’t stop and I’ve tried so hard to forget them. Make them about El but I can’t. No matter how many times I’ve made out with El. I kissed El so many times - made out with her so many fucking times but I wished it was yours. Yours! I wish it was you against me. But that’s selfish isn’t it?
But does it even matter?
Because holy shit, I don’t - I don’t know what to fucking do. I’ve dreaded the fact that I want to kiss my best friend but not want to kiss my now ex-girlfriend? I’m so pathetic. I’m fucking pathetic, you and me know that. I’m so sorry this letter is so long but I couldn’t help it.
Mike doesn’t know what the fuck to even say . He can’t even say anything because he clearly wrote that letter and when he turns the paper around he gaps and gasps, and oh fuck he thinks. There’s even more shit behind the fucking paper and he wants to dissolve. He wants to disappear because of how long the letter is. This has to be some kind of drunken mistake even though Mike doesn’t drink he still will blame the alcohol.
He skims through the back too, and the very end says “love, Mike.” Of course. Of fucking course it ends with love, Mike. Because who is he kidding? Or fooling? He’s hopelessly and obsessed (not in a weird way) with Will Byers and it’s a problem because of how long this goddamn letter is. Honestly, he thinks that one day someone is gonna find this and blame everything on Mike because of how obsessed Mike is with Will.
He wonders if Will would laugh at this letter, cry, or just simply walk out on him. But Will won’t do the last option, of course he wouldn’t. He would talk to Mike about it and slowly reject him because of it. Or would he? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t even want to read the letter at this point. But he’s gripping onto the letter like dear life . As if someone’s gonna snatch it from his hands any moment now. Which is not reasonable because he’ll know when someone enters his room but still! Mike groans, and sighing right after because this is so ridiculous that he-
“Mike?” someone calls for him and Mike single-handedly goes into flight or fight mode.
Oh.
Fuck.
Mike rushes to hide the letter inside a random drawer while the voice he grew to love so much looks for him. Panicked, he accidentally lets go of the letter and it falls - making it readable and easy to access so when he can hear Will’s voice he starts panicking even more.
“Miiiike? Are you here? I’m coming in.” Will from the other side of the door murmurs, slowly opening the door and when Will opens the door he can see Mike trying to hide something. He can hear paper - amused he looks at Mike weirdly and back to what he tackled.
“O-oh. Will. Did you need anything dude?”
Will’s eyebrows rise, but he doesn’t pry. He never prys unless he needs to.
“The party sent me to check up on you cause you’ve been in here for a while now, but… are you okay? Is something wrong?” Okay, it’s not like Will’s prying but he just wants to ask what’s going on with Mike. It’s like he doesn’t want Will to even see what Mike was holding earlier.
It’s not his business anyways.
But it’s interesting as hell.
Mike doesn’t answer, but he looks at Will as if some deer on a headlight ran loose. “I’m okay. Did you need anything?” Mike unconsciously tilts his head to the side and smiles, and Will is fighting the urge to run up to him and ki — no.
“No- I, uh. Like I said before the party and the rest were looking for you and they wanted me to check up on you.” Will unconsciously puts his hand on his neck - it’s becoming a habit now and Mike notices. “Oh.” A small voice, but Will knows and nods. There’s nothing really to talk about now has there? So the most logical thing Will does is go to the door and -
“Will?”
“Yeah, Mike?”
He turns around, but he’s in front of the door now - more like, his back facing the opened door and ready to walk out any moment. But he stops and looks back at Mike who’s still covering something under his body. “I-“ before Mike could speak the paper somehow fucking flew under Mike’s body and Mike panics.
But the most logical thing Will did was of course catch the paper and when he reads it he can see the Dear, Will and that alarms him. He looks back at Mike who is shaking, and probably on the verge to punch whoever did that because Will’s brain can’t comprehend how even though he knows Mike didn’t write for him and just for El he’s surprised to see this in his hands right now.
Will’s eyes are wide, and thoughts of what? He wrote to me? because wow. It’s honestly messed up and very fucking overdue and Will definitely doesn’t deserve to know like this because What? And now Will’s shaking, because wow this day has gotten even worse then before and how fucking fucked up Mike actually is to Will.
But Mike doesn’t move nor makes a sound and that’s also worrying Will but it’s -
“Will. I- I can explain.” Mike starts off, his voice wavering and sounding like he was caught doing something bad like writing to Will was bad and that irked Will off even more than he first saw the first two words of the letter. But he doesn’t say anything, well, Will doesn’t but he glares at Mike hard. The hardest Mike ever saw Will glare at someone and that isn’t often Will glares at people.
Doesn’t mean that his heart dropped to the fucking ground though.
He’s glaring at Mike and he can understand that. All to well, because if he was Will he would get pissed too. More than pissed, angry and screaming at why would Will do that? But he can’t because he’s the one caught. He was the one who was caught with the letter to his best friend.
The letter he was supposed to send to Will Byers in California but it’s now in the hands of Will Byers but in Hawkins.
“Explain then!” Will’s voice accidentally goes louder and the people in the basement of the Wheelers go quiet, but that doesn’t mean Mike nor Will heard it quiet down. “You - you told me to reach out more and this is what I see?” And oh , Will is furious. Angry at most, upset is past that stage.
“You told me to keep in touch more, and I tried. I really did, but it seemed so one-sided that I didn’t try anymore. That doesn’t mean I didn’t, because I did.” Will was clutching the letter hard, and Mike’s face was neutral, like it didn’t bother him. But it obviously did.
“Look- I tried too —“
“No, you didn’t, Mike.” Will sounds like he’s about to break down, this was his final straw and seeing the letters were the last. “Will just let me ta —“ Mike’s eyebrows furrow and now he’s getting irritated by this.
“Talk about what? That you have unsent letters to me that you didn’t bother sending? C’mon Mike! What did I do?” Will gestures to himself, and to the letter and Mike has no idea what he means. “What?” His neutral tone and face was slipping and he could hear the angry and wet laugh from Will.
“Of course you don’t know. You never know what’s going on with me anymore. So how could you call that a best-friend Mike?” Will’s tears water down his cheek and Mike has the urge to swipe them away. But he doesn’t because he still realizes that he and Will are fighting about the same topic from the Roller Rink. “What-? Of course I care, Will!”
“You do?”
Mike’s angry now. But he shouldn’t be because it’s true that he distanced himself from Will, but because of those feelings he didn’t wanna look further into, didn’t ever wanna look into. It’s not his place to get mad, or upset about this — Will has every right but he doesn’t know why he’s angry at Will for pointing him out on what he did. On why or how about those letters.
But Mike doesn’t talk and that makes Will crack, he’s cracking and his ugly heart is breaking. It’s breaking because of the realization how Mike never sent those letters, or even called for him. It’s always for Eleven. But he doesn’t deserve to feel jealous because he cares about his sister so much. The two boys are on opposite sides and are looking at each other but they don’t talk — waiting, anticipating on what the other would do.
“Will, let- l-let me talk okay?” Mike’s voice suddenly breaks the silence and it’s soft, soft and quiet only meant for Will. “Fine.” Mike can hear the crack and he hates himself for making Will feel like shit, being a shitty friend. So he breathes in — and out, and looks at Will with the most adoration he ever stared at him with and that makes Will fluster, but trying oh so hard to hide it.
“Look, I know that I was being shitty. And that we only ever talk on some awkward times, but I- I realized that ever since me and El broke up, I didn’t feel hurt.” Mike can see the eye roll from Will but he continues. Will deserves to know. “I didn’t feel hurt because there was someone else.”
“There was always someone else, Will.”
Will’s head snapped to look at him, previously he was looking at the window but now he registers the words he can only look at Mike. He can tell his jaw dropped and his eyes widened, but who cares? Hell, Will can even feel the tears coming down and Mike isn’t even done explaining yet.
“And the… the painting. You lied about the painting didn’t you? It wasn’t about El… It was about —“
“Shut up.” Will’s eyes harden, out of everything Mike just had to bring up the painting huh? So what if he found out El didn’t commission it? What was said is done, he can’t take it back, even though it was his fault he didn’t care. He doesn’t care because Mike didn’t notice right? He never does. “Don’t tell me that bullshit that I was projecting myself onto El, well, yeah! I was! But you don’t have a right to point that out!” His eyes watering again, and his glare turning even harder. But Mike doesn’t care. He wants to make this right, for the both of them.
“You - I fucking - I’m so sick and tired of this, Mike. I’m tired of lying about how much I like you as a friend . But I’m so… I’m so…” He cries harder and Mike rushes to hug him, but he can feel Will trying to fight it. Will wants Mike to let go, but Mike doesn’t want to.
But Will doesn’t care about what Mike thinks at the moment and tries harder to let Mike let him go, “let me go!” But Mike doesn’t, “I’m sorry, Will. I really am.” He whispers into Will but Will isn’t listening, he just wants to get out of the room already. To go back down towards the party and forget this ever happened.
“You- You aren’t. You’re not. Stop lying to me!”
“I’m not lying, Will! I promise!” Mike hugs Will tighter and eventually Will stops fighting him back and embraces Mike back, reluctantly, but hugs him back nonetheless. “I promise…” he whispers into Will’s ear and a choked sob can be heard.
“I’m sorry, okay? I really, really am. I know I’ve been the worst shittest friend on earth and that I don’t deserve you at all but I just wanted to say that — I want to say that I’m so sorry for ignoring you all summer and those fights we had. I know saying sorry isn’t gonna cut it but I also wanted to apologize for the letters, the unsent ones. And those phone calls, I am so, so sorry, Will. I really am.” But before Will can talk Mike continues, “and the painting? I’m sorry for not realizing it was you who was trying to get to me — not El. I’m so sorry about that.” He whispers again, making Will’s knee weak. Mike always had that effect on him.
“Mike…” lost at words; is the correct thing to say because holy shit. William Byers desperately needed this from Miachel Wheeler and especially from him and he’s finally getting it. “Yeah..?”
Before Will could talk - Mike beats it to him again, “oh and before you apologize for what I just said, don’t. Because this is entirely my whole fault for hurting you and El, but especially you. But what were you gonna say?” Will giggles and that’s the most comforting sound Mike has ever heard in awhile.
“Okay, but…”
“But..?”
Will starts to shake and that alarms Mike, grabbing onto him even tighter than before and he weakly says to Mike he can’t breathe - so he reluctantly lets go, but Will looks at Mike. “I… I… god damn it, Mike. I’ve been in love with you since we met and I- I just wanted to say that for so long and it’s okay if you don’t wanna accept it, I understand and -“
“Will.”
“You don’t have to act like you like me -“
“Will…”
“And we can just forget this, the letter, and everything else. If you w -“
“Will!” He shakes Will’s shoulders and quickly says, “I love you too. I love you so much, so much. Oh my god. I love you.” And Will cries for the 10th time again, he sobs and Mike is also slowly crying - oh god. “Oh my god…” Will wetly laughs, making Mike laugh with him too.
He then grabs Will’s cheeks, and swipes the tears of Will’s away, oh how Mike wanted to do it for so long. He feels himself shake in a positive way and then slowly invades Will’s even more personal space and goes even closer.
He can feel Will, and the longing touches he wanted to desperately feel even though he was with El. How he wanted Will arm close again and how much he wanted to love him forever. Even though it’s sorta risky, he’d risk anything for Will Byers because that’s how it’s supposed to be. He was supposed to do that ever since but he got… a little side tracked.
But they could care-less, as long as they have each other.
“I love you, William Byers.” Mike rests his forehead onto Will’s own and he can feel his tears, his heart and how perfect he feels against Will. He’s giggling but he doesn’t realize it, he doesn’t realize it til Will looks at him with such adoration he ever saw Will stare at him.
Although he sees Will staring most of the time - it’s never this soft, never this endearing and never this easy to fall in love all over again. Because that’s Will Byers, he’s so loveable it’s almost so much because Mike feels the urge to just hide Will. But he can’t, because that’s selfish.
But who gives a shit about being selfish?
“And I love you, too. Micheal Wheeler.” He whispers, putting his hands on Mike’s cheeks and was now leaning in to kiss him, fuck. He craved this.
Will craved this for so long, so when he feels his lips interlock with Mike’s he knows it’s not a dream. But it feels like one, a fever dream yet to end but it hasn’t happened, even since 6 years ago.
He can feel the brush of each other, their lips intertwining, and hands are held. They never wanted this to end, because of how much they both craved it. Mike shudders, kissing back so roughly yet filled with so much love - and Will tries but it is still his first after all. He stumbles, and Mike easily catches him.
“We need to talk about this more, but… boyfriends?” Will expectly looks at Mike and Mike nods, “yeah. Yeah. Boyfriends.” He goes back in to kiss Will lovingly and make up for those years he’s pined for his best friend and make up for the summer when he ignored Will.
“Soooo….” Dustin looks around the place, especially eyeing Robin and Steve who looks like he’s giving her - “I told you.” Everyone turns to Robin and she’s holding a $50 bill which Steve gave her.
“Fuck.” Steve groans and puts his head into his hands.
“You betted?” El looks at them, “you didn’t?” Lucas fires back and everyone laughs. But Nancy and Dustin exchange looks because what . “You - huh?” Nancy gestures her finger from Steve to Robin and Jonathan can just hear the gears clicking in his head.
“Oh.” Jonathan blinks, not once. Or twice, but thrice.
“Yes, ‘oh’ Byers.” Steve laughs, but still visibly disappointed he lost $50 bucks just like that to Robin out of all people. “Lost my $50 bucks because of my kids becoming a couple.” He sighs, “yet you still have no girls.” Dustin says, making Steve’s jaw slack open and wide.
“Henderson.” He glares and everyone is laughing, “good one, Henderson.” Robin fist bumps Dustin and Lucas is rolling on the floor because this is ridiculous.
“I knew they were betting on us.” Mike whispers into Will’s ear while his hands are on Will’s waist and his head on his shoulder, he shudders against Mike.
“It’s fine, Mike.” He turns his head and kisses his cheek while hiding near the staircase so they wouldn’t be seen by the party or the adults, “plus, who said I didn’t win one either?” he resorts into Mike’s ear who accidentally stumbles them to the bottom where he and Mike fall onto each other and the party looks at them with worried, surprised, and widened expressions.
But all Will can do is giggle.
Mike’s eyes widened even more, “you BETTED?!”
“Love you, Wheeler!” Will quickly gets up and runs for his shoes and dashes outside, leaving Mike stumbled looking for his converse.
“William Byers, get over here!” Mike yells, putting his shoes on and running out the door for Will. Like he wanted to before.
Like he was supposed to before.