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Because of all of the teasing their friends did about Nico and Will kissing and making out, Nico figured they would probably be at least a little surprised to learn that the two had never kissed. Yet. Even though they had been dating for months. Not that Nico wanted to tell them about it, mainly because of how embarrassing it was. He would have to be obtuse to not realize that it wasn’t typical to not have kissed your partner that far into your relationship. He knew it was weird and strange and maybe a little sad that they hadn’t kissed yet. Unfortunately, Nico was no stranger to sad and weird and strange. It was just another nail in the coffin that was his sad, odd life.
It wasn’t like he didn’t want to kiss Will. He was almost constantly thinking about it. It wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. It was just kissing. But by ignoring it and not kissing Will and being frankly downright bizarre whenever kissing was brought up, Nico was slowly making it a gigantic problem, one that could only go away if Nico actually did something about it. He gritted his teeth and got a headache when he thought about doing something to solve or change his dilemma.
Nico wasn’t a relationship guy. Sure he was fifteen (going on elderly and feeling it more and more everyday), so he was technically young, but Will was his first relationship. Most of the other campers his age seemed to have dated someone, and kissed them too. And, Nico had to admit, he and Will had made serious progress with their relationship over their time together. It was just that even though they had been dating for well over half a year (closer to ten months, gods, why did time pass so quickly), they had not kissed yet.
Nico didn’t like feeling left behind, didn’t like when he was left out or feeling like he was different (he was different for a million other reasons, why couldn’t he just be normal about this one typical milestone). But, he also was not keen on the sinking feeling in his stomach, accompanied by swirling nausea and the debilitating guilt that hung heavy in his body whenever he even thought about kissing his boyfriend.
Will, too good for his own good Will, would wait forever for Nico to kiss him. Nico knew that. Will was kind and patient to a fault. He would rib Nico and tease him and generally try to piss him off because he thought it was funny, but when it came to stuff like this, real stuff, Will was good beyond measure. He was someone who would, for some unknown reason, go to the ends of the earth for Nico. And, that meant, Will, who knew Nico so intimately that he knew Nico was a nervous wreck about this without them ever really talking about it, would wait for Nico to make the first move.
Nico loved his godsdamn stupid boyfriend and his unwavering kindness and compassion for Nico’s comfort. Any sane person would have given up by now, but Will was as stubborn as he was good, a trait that was on the scale of admirable to downright infuriating, depending on the situation.
And Nico, instead of confronting his problems head on, decided it was best to fall back on doing his best to ignore it, even if it made it fester and grow into something a lot bigger. He could fight a monster, any monster, he could go to Tartarus and back. But, when it came to normal teen shit, Nico felt frozen with fear. He told himself kissing would come, with time. Either he would kiss Will and everything would be wonderful, or he would never kiss Will (and Will would inevitably get bored of waiting and break up with him and Nico would be sad and it would break Nico’s stupid little hear-)
“Earth to Nico,” Will said, breaking Nico from his intense contemplation. Nico almost jumped, not expecting Will to speak. “Gods, what’s with you today? You look serious at a baseline, but just now you seemed about to bore a hole in the earth.” Will was busy tying up his plate of armor, the excitement practically radiating off of him while everyone chatted around them, ready for Capture the Flag.
“Shut up,” Nico replied, for lack of a better response, his brain still working on catching up to the moment, his mind stuck like a broken record on the thought of kissing Will. He was hopeless.
“What were you thinking about? Drachma for your thoughts,” Will said, an easy smile on his face while he brushed his hair out of his eyes. He was due for a haircut, but kept putting it off, saying he would get around to it, but he never did. Nico loved when it got a little longer, a little shaggier. It suited Will.
“You wish you could afford my thoughts,” Nico said, crossing his arms over his chest, hoping he wasn’t flushing as visibly as he felt like he was.
“Oh, excuse me, Mr. di Angelo. I didn’t know you were too rich for me,” Will said, pulling Nico in close and giving him a hug, a difficult feat considering they were both covered in armor. Nico tried not to turn to complete putty in Will’s arms, and definitely did not let his mind wander back to kissing Will. Nope. He was stronger than that.
Nico opened his mouth to retort, desperately trying to not let their flirting banter get into his head before the game, when the announcement came for everyone to join their teams.
“See you on the other side?” Will asked while pulling away from Nico, a crooked half smile on his face, raising his eyebrows at Nico.
“Obviously. Try not to cry too hard when your team faces defeat,” Nico said, throwing a smirk in Will’s direction. He loved to tease Will. If bickering was the foundation of their relationship, banter was one of the pillars.
Nico thought for two seconds about leaning in, impulsiveness taking over, and kissing Will right then and there, but Will slid on his helmet and was gone in a flash, leaving Nico to stand there frozen and embarrassed, watching his boyfriend’s form walk across the lawn to the other team.
“Stupid idiot,” Nico said out loud, unsure if he was referring to himself or Will, before joining his own team. Kissing would have to wait. Maybe if he was lucky, he would get impaled during the game and would never have to worry about how and when he would kiss his boyfriend. Nico was never that lucky, so he tried to not put too much faith into that thought.
*
“A hundred times, dude. Maybe even a thousand. That’s how many times I have told you to watch where you’re aiming when you use a bow and arrow. It requires way more focus than swinging a sword around,” Will said as he pulled the arrow out of Nico’s combat boot that Nico had foolishly lodged in there during archery with Apollo Cabin.
Nico huffed, not in the mood to be lectured by Will, the godsdamn mother hen. It was embarrassing enough his archery skills were meager compared to the rest of Cabin 7. They would be talking about this blunder for the next three weeks. “It was an accident, Solace. Not everyone is gifted with archery prowess like you and your siblings. I misjudged it.”
Will gave Nico an incredulous look before turning his attention to Nico’s foot. “You misjudged it so bad you aimed for your foot that was stationary on the ground? That’s ridiculous. What were you even doing anyway?” Will asked while he examined Nico’s foot. “I know archery isn’t your strong suit, but you nearly got an arrow lodged inside of you, dude. It’s a rookie mistake.”
Nico felt himself flush a little, and twisted his face into a deeper scowl. “It was an accident,” Nico reiterated, not particularly interested in describing in detail to Will that he had let his mind wander while he was waiting for his turn at the archery range. He especially did not want to divulge that said daydream was about him going up and kissing Will. Nico was not about to wax poetic about how nice he imagined kissing Will would be to Will himself. Nico was (slightly) above that.
“Well, you’re incredibly lucky that you had on boots, because otherwise you would have an arrow in your foot. Proper footwear is essential during archery,” Will lectured at Nico, a fact he had regurgitated far too often that Nico felt like sometimes he could hear Will saying that line in his dreams.
“Says the guy in flip flops,” Nico muttered darkly, refusing to look up at Will and instead picking at the hole in his jeans.
“Comfort over practicality. Besides, it’s my own fault and my own mess to clean up if I impale myself. I can get over that,” Will replied with a shrug, handing Nico back his sock and shoe to put on. “But seriously. You good dude? That was a ridiculous move and you nearly gave me a heart attack when I heard everyone gasp and I turned around and you had a godsdamn arrow in your shoe.”
Nico pointedly did not make eye contact with Will, unsure if he would be able to lie to his boyfriend’s face when he looked into his eyes. “Yes. Just, I have a lot on my mind. It’s nothing new when it comes to me,” Nico finally settled on. He tried his best to ignore the way he could see in his periphery Will’s face grow a little bit stormy. Nico didn’t like worrying Will, and for once, his problems were normal teen problems rather than eldritch horror, demigod problems. Still, the thought of being honest about the situation made Nico want to run away and never be seen again. “I’m good. It’s nothing serious,” Nico tacked on, feeling a little guilty for making Will worry about him. “Seriously, Will. I can practically hear the alarm bells going off in your head. I am fine.”
Will quickly shifted his face back to a neutral expression, knowing that Nico was not in the mood to talk about whatever was bothering him and probably not wanting to push Nico further. “Well, try not to think too hard, di Angelo. We all know what happens when you get to thinking. None of us will be safe,” Will teased before standing up and offering a hand to Nico to help him stand.
Nico took Will’s hand, trying his best to ignore Will’s teasing. He wasn’t sure what would come first- him kissing Will, or him dying from Will’s teasing. It seemed equally plausible that his teasing could end in either outcome, and Nico wasn’t sure he wanted to find out which one was the more likely scenario.
*
“You just need to go for it,” was Hazel’s advice when he asked.
“He’s clearly head-over-heels for you, Nico. After you do it once, you’ll see it’s not so scary,” Jason advised during their weekly IM call.
“Nico, if I had half a mind I would come over and make you two kiss on your next date,” Lou Ellen had said when Nico finally (shamefully) admitted to her and Cecil that he and Will hadn’t kissed yet.
“If only it were that easy,” Nico felt himself say for what felt like the hundredth time after he had relayed the predicament to them. He was getting desperate and though he was incredibly embarrassed and frustrated by the situation, he needed to gather advice and votes of confidence because it was slowly turning him mad. He hoped Cecil and Lou Ellen would shed some light on the subject, give a new perspective that his other friends had not given him. So far, it was no use. “It’s scary.”
“I think everyone is scared by their first kiss,” Cecil remarked, uncharacteristically calm and kind about the situation. Cecil liked to joke around, liked to prank his friends and push their buttons, but he was always unwaveringly empathetic to Nico, particularly about his hang-ups about being gay. “But, one thing should give you comfort. Well, two. First, Will has not mentioned this to a soul, so it’s not like people are going around and talking about this or thinking that you two haven’t kissed yet. They probably just think you don’t do PDA because you are like, a hundred years old. Second, Will adores you. It’s actually sickening and it makes me wonder why I continue being friends with the both of you. It should give you comfort that he loves you that much and that he is happy to wait for you to feel ready. It’s a big step.”
“But that’s the problem! Will is just too good. He shouldn’t have to wait this long for his boyfriend to kiss him. I don’t want him thinking it’s because I don’t want to kiss him. I do. I need to,” Nico whined.
“Do you need to or want to?” Lou asked, raising an eyebrow. “Because if you’re feeling pressured-”
“Want to. I definitely want to,” Nico said, cringing at how desperate his voice sounded. “I want it and Will deserves it. I just can’t make myself do it.” Nico hung his head, feeling defeated and also humiliated. He hated vulnerability, hated being so soul baringly honest, but the situation was slowly unraveling out of his control, and he needed to talk about it, because it was not getting better.
Lou Ellen and Cecil looked at each other, clearly having a complete conversation with each other using only facial expressions, a skill that they honed by being best friends for years. It frustrated Nico to no end because he hated not knowing what they were saying about him. Finally, they looked back to Nico and Lou placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “It will come, Nico. Will cares about you, you care about him. When you’re ready, you’ll do it,” Lou said, a smile on her face. Nico felt apprehensive, but said nothing. “Now, come on. Let’s go bother Will at the infirmary. He could use a break from handing out band aids and lecturing about sunscreen.” Nico stood up reluctantly, knowing he had not progressed in the slightest with his situation. He hoped something would give soon, because he wasn’t sure how much longer he could go without kissing Will.
*
Nico didn’t want to talk to Will about why they hadn’t kissed yet. He didn’t want to make Will feel bad, and it was incredibly humiliating that he was being so immature about it. But, Nico’s mouth wasn’t always connected to his brain.
“Does it bother you that we haven’t kissed yet?” Nico blurted out one night while he watched Will fold the clothes he had washed earlier that day. Will quirked up an eyebrow as he folded a shirt, silent for a few beats. He put away the shirt before turning to face Nico. Nico gulped, knowing where the conversation was going.
Will gave Nico a thoughtful expression, like he was trying to come up with a good response. Nico was about to explode, the silence painful and palpable, when Will finally opened his mouth. “Yes,” Nico cringed at that, “But in the sense that I would like to kiss you. I want it more than a lot of things if we are being honest. But, no, in the sense that I know that you’re working through it and will get to it eventually. You’ve got a lot going on in that little head of yours at all times. It’s part of your charm.”
“How do you know I am thinking about it?” Nico asked, crossing his arms and mentally preparing to kill whoever told Will that he was agonizing over kissing him.
“No one needed to tell me,” Will said, sitting next to where Nico was perched on Will’s bed. “It took you months to call me your boyfriend for the first time. You can barely say the word gay. You’ve got tons of internalized stuff going on. You’re constantly tangled up about it.”
“Doesn’t it suck though?” Nico asked desperately, thinking about the hardest part of this all. It was the fact that his indecision, his reluctance, was affecting Will. “Aren’t you like frustrated by it? Doesn't it make you upset, or angry?”
Will paused, his expression unreadable. Nico hated how good he was at hiding his feelings. “I hate that you have to work through this and I hate that it’s hard for you to be yourself,” Will settled on and Nico felt his heart begin to crack. He knew Will was feeding him a half truth, a water downed and edited version of how much it probably hurt him that his own boyfriend hadn’t kissed him yet.
“You’re a filthy liar Solace,” Nico said, wanting to rub his hands into his eyes to keep himself from crying. He didn't want to meet Will's eyes, because Nico wasn't sure he could keep it together if he looked into them.
“I am not. It does suck because I care about you. And that, the fact that I care so much about you, is why I am sad that you need to work through this, and why I don’t mind letting you think about it and wait to kiss me,” Will added on, grabbing Nico’s hand and rubbing a thumb across the back of it. Nico squeezed Will's hand back, not fully believing him but not feeling much like continuing talking about it. Nico felt too nauseous, too guilty to continue pressing, knowing that any further prying he did would just make himself feel worse about the situation.
They sat in silence for a while, just the sounds of their breathing cutting intermittently through the quiet. “I probably wouldn’t be a good kisser anyways. I’ve only kissed a handful of people and it’s been a while,” Will eventually admitted, rubbing the back of his neck self consciously with his hand that was not holding Nico's.
“I have absolutely nothing to judge it by, so I am sure I will think you’re an expert,” Nico replied glumly, knowing his own lack of experience was something else he was worried about, on top of everything else. Will shrugged.
“I’ll just be happy to kiss you,” Will said, before dropping Nico’s hand and standing up. “Folding laundry sucks. Wanna go see if anyone’s around to play a game or something? I need a break.” Will was giving Nico an out from the conversation, and Nico never felt more grateful in his entire life.
“As long as it’s not with Kayla. I’m still sore about losing so badly to her last week at cards,” Nico replied darkly, following Will to the door of the cabin. Will laughed, a crystal clear sound that made Nico’s heart race. He wanted to believe that Will was okay with waiting, but he wanted it more than anything, and Will deserved it. Nico hoped he would work up the nerve soon, if not for his sake than for Will’s.
*
Sweltering summer days that ended in wearing hoodies, crouched by the fire, trying to get warm after spending all day in the water were quickly becoming Nico’s favorite kind of day. It made him a nice kind of tired, one where he was exhausted because he had a fun day and laughed and was slightly sunburnt, and not because he was fatigued by the weight of existing.
Will’s hair was drying in loose curls, still slightly damp. He smelled like a nice and comforting mix of salt and sweat, and he was emitting warmth, the never ending human furnace he was. Nico couldn’t help but feel drawn to him, slowly inching himself closer and closer to Will. “Cuddle bug,” Will said when Nico was practically sitting on top of him, before slinging an arm across his shoulders and pulling Nico in closer.
“Shut up,” Nico said without a hint of malice in his voice, relaxing closer and closer into Will’s touch. He hid a yawn behind his hand, knowing that if he looked too tired, Will would cut the night short. Will would say he was tired and wanted to go to bed when really, he would probably stay up for the next few hours, and was just itching to get Nico to get a proper night’s sleep. Nico was stubborn enough to stay up way later than he probably should, because Will was worth it. Will was worth a lot of things in Nico’s opinion, not that Will would ever admit it or believe it. He would deflect as he always did if Nico brought it up, going red in the face and laughing it off. Too good for his own good, Nico thought scrunching up his nose a little when he thought about Will’s protests.
Looking up at Will, his boyfriend illuminated by the campfire, Nico felt like he was breathless from the sight. Will was just truly gorgeous. Nico didn’t think he would ever wrap his mind around it, his golden hair, his kind eyes, the splattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose. He was beautiful, compassionate, special, and probably the only person who would ever love Nico in the way. And, if he was being honest, Nico didn’t want it any other way. He didn’t need anyone else’s romantic love.
He wanted Will and only Will for the rest of his life, and though that fact had lodged itself in Nico’s brain months ago, Nico had never felt it to be more true than in that moment. He couldn’t imagine a future without Will and didn’t want to. And suddenly, it all clicked into place and Nico knew what he had to do.
Ignoring the way his stomach was twisting and turning, Nico felt himself lean in. Will seemed to quirk an eyebrow up for a second, so barely noticeable that Nico was almost positive he had imagined it. But, Will quickly covered up his surprise, before he followed suit and leaned in. It was slow, so slow Nico felt like he was about to lose his nerve, before he thought really eloquently fuck this and closed the gap between him and Will.
It felt like electricity. It was like he was on fire, like every cell in his body was vibrating and exploding. Nico always imagined what kissing would be like, whether it would be like in stories and movies with the music and the fireworks. He worried it would be underwhelming (he particularly entertained this thought when he thought about kissing girls), or that it would be just okay. Nico wasn’t particularly a tactile person, he had taken a long time to get used to existing in Will’s space and not feeling like he was being overbearing or annoying, and he wondered if kissing would fall into that category of uncomfortable touch.
But, it was nothing like that at all. Nico wasn’t sure why he took so long to kiss Will because it felt like everything was suddenly falling into place.
Nico had nothing to compare it to, and honestly, he knew he would never have anything else to compare it to, because he didn't want to kiss anyone but Will for the rest of his life. He knew that Will was it for him, that they were soulmates destined to be together forever, that he wouldn’t love anyone and no one would ever love him as much they loved each other. But the kiss really solidified it.
“We have to do that again,” Will said, sounding breathless, when they finally broke apart a few moments later. He had flushed a bit, skin tinted with a glow that made him look akin to the setting sun, or a lava lamp with red lava inside, his color bright red and glowing in the darkened night. Nico thought Will had never looked more handsome in his life. “Uh. Only if you want to though!” Will tacked on, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, a hopeful expression undercut with an edge of nervousness splayed across his face. “I get it if it was a one time thing. You got it out of your system and now you’re good for the next calendar year. Kissing me can’t be all that great.”
Nico looked at Will, a mixture of fondness and annoyance coursing through his system. “Gods, do you ever shut up?” Nico asked, before pulling Will in again. He would never get sick of kissing Will, and he had wasted a lot of time, so they had a lot to catch up on.