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“Eric, can you please shut up,” Kyle grunted over his shoulder. Eric’s weight was tough to carry; especially when you’ve done so all day, walking through the rough, rocky terrain of a forest. And his constant questioning of societal norms… and singing, was really getting on Kyle’s nerves.
Kyle didn’t want to think about why things were the way they were. Why some harmless relationships were celebrated, and some frowned upon and shunned. He didn’t want to acknowledge why it was weird for him to dress up as a woman, even though no other than Eric saw. He didn’t have any answers to Eric’s questions. For he didn’t know how to define normality, when he was so used to the concept himself.
Why, he didn’t even want to think about Eric’s close presence, not after the night of the forest ‘party’. The night he realised that ‘Heidi’s’ feelings for the man matched his own. Yes, Heidi was what they called Kyle when he dressed up in the light brown trash wig. Anything to make Eric remember his past and guide them home.
Alas there was no way for them to move forward without Eric’s limp body slumped against his back, tied in place. The same magic body that had kept him alive all this time. The same heavyset body he’d had to carry throughout the whole forest.
Though it’s not that Kyle felt like he owed the man, but rather that Kyle wouldn’t survive for a second without him. And he probably wouldn’t want to live either. He had never let go of Eric, not even when Eric was dead, and he wasn’t planning on ever letting go either.
The body had remained quiet for a while, as it was asked. But Kyle soon felt the familiar feeling of loneliness slowly creeping up his spine. His feelings for the man were new, confusing and abnormal; it’d be easier to push them away. But then again, nothing about the pair was conventional.
“I’m sorry,” Kyle said hastily, his voice softened “You can talk all you want,” And then a little lower, nearing a whisper “Just don’t die again”
“Don’t worry,” an emotionless voice slurred behind him. “I want to live now,”
A smile spread across Kyle’s face, newfound energy surging through his veins, letting the man drag himself and his paralysed partner further out the forest. The sun shone against his sweat covered forehead and his feet hurt from pebbles and sticks that had snuck their way into his sole. But they’d already been sitting around, shooting birds and feasting on their meat all day. They’d even taken the time for ‘Heidi’ and Eric to go on another ‘date’. And now they had to keep on moving.
“I want to go home,” Eric continued, trying out the word with a hopeful tone. Making his voice as emotional as he could with a barely working jaw. “And meet Heidi….I wonder if she’s my wife”
Kyle stiffened up slightly at that, but kept moving to avoid suspicion. Kyle knew Eric’s love for the woman he’d never met was guiding them home. Yet he couldn’t help but identify with the name. It’s what Eric had called him when they ‘rode the bus’, ‘watched movies’ and ‘went to Disneyland’, after all.
“Kahl, do you think I had a wife?”
“I don’t know, Eric,” He answered truthfully. He did know, however, that the real Heidi wasn’t an alternative. He might not have known Eric before his death, but he’d known of Heidi Turner before he got stranded.
“I hope I do… You said that’s what everyone wants, right? To find a person they could spend the rest of their life with.” Kyle bit his lip.
“Yeah. Yeah I did,”
“And that is love?” Eric asked. The words ringing through the treetops. Kyle nodded before realising that Eric wouldn’t be able to see much of it.
“Yeah…” He forced out, his throat tight.
A beat of silence. Kyle wished he could see Eric’s expression, but he wouldn’t be able to even if he detached the man and turned around. All Eric had been able to muster up was strained smiles. Kyle couldn’t complain though, it was a miracle that Eric could speak when he wouldn’t even breathe.
“Kahl, you won’t leave me once we get home, right? Even if I do have a wife,”
“No, of course not,” a low chuckle, Eric mirrored him. He couldn’t understand how genuine Kyle’s words were, “I need you,”
Eric seemed content with the answer. It was quiet for a while as Kyle made his way under branches and fallen trees. Until Eric eventually started humming out “Cotton Eye Joe” again; albeit the slow, almost solemnly melodic version Kyle had sung before. The only version Eric knew.
“If it hadn’t been for cotton eye Joe…,” He sang, letting each word take its time on his tongue “I’d be married a long time ago,” Kyle was surprised he’d memorised the lyrics so well. But then again, Eric was a multipurpose tool.
“Where did you come from…” Kyle joined in, panting slightly, “Where did you go…?”
“Where did you come from…,” They belted out, it was messy and off-key, both struggling to get the words out. But Kyle wouldn’t have it any other way, a warm feeling spreading through his chest. “Cotton Eye Joe!” The mellow squeeze of his heart bubbling up with the unified laughter.
They finally reached a clearing. A big crack dividing the ground they stood on and the rest of the path into opposite cliffs.
“Eric, look!” Kyle exclaimed and propped Eric’s face up a little higher. Almost running off the cliff side in his eagerness. There were two big, fused pipes that worked as a bridge between their side and the other; wide enough to cross, but most importantly… *manmade*. “Look! Pipes!” He explained.
“Ohh! What do they do?”
“That’s not important,” He shook his head, smiling “What matters is that we can cross the gap,” Though it’d be a lot harder to do while carrying another person on his back… Sure the pipes were big enough to stand on, but they were just barely that, and they were still rounded on the sides.
At the beginning of his journey this wouldn’t have been a challenge. He’d been ready to die. So ready, in fact, that he’d tried to hasten the process. But it wasn’t like that anymore… He found himself agreeing with Eric’s earlier words. He wanted to live. He wanted to go home. Wherever that home may be.
And he was of course holding precious cargo: the very reason he stayed alive in the first place.
“I’m gonna try to cross, okay?” Kyle warned, nearing the slippery pipes, “So we can go home,” He inched himself onto the pipes. There was no way he could balance if he stood up, so he crawled on all fours instead, hugging the pipes tightly.
Kyle’s thoughts drifted back to his earlier speculations. The things he felt for Eric were illogical. It wasn’t at all like Kyle to have such feelings. And they weren’t like anything he’d ever felt before. He didn’t even know if they were real, and he didn’t know if he wanted them to be. Maybe they were Heidi’s feelings…
He mentally laughed at the ridiculousness of the thought. As if Heidi was some ghost that’d possessed him.
And yet. He couldn’t help but feel like his love for the man was important. Like it was powerful somehow. Powerful enough to bring said man back to life. Eric had been dead when Kyle first met him. But now he wasn’t… Kyle loved Eric back to life and now he’s talking and laughing and singing, doing all sorts of things! He’d even been able to move his hands as of lately. Kyle was loving him back to life step by step. And maybe that was how it was meant to be? Maybe Eric would save Kyle and Kyle would save Eric. Maybe they’d both save each other, over and over again. Maybe they were both screwed up and gross and human, and maybe that was the point.
Maybe they were soulmates…
-
Kyle had made his way halfway through the pipes. Eric had been deathly quiet to let him focus, but it didn’t help much when Kyle’s own mind was the one who wouldn’t shut up. He looked down at the ocean at least ten metres below them and continued with shaky breaths.
-
No. He’d somehow confused himself for the character he’d been playing… and that was all. It was better if he just stopped thinking about-
His grip slipped. The sudden shift in weight causing Eric to roll down his side, bringing Kyle with him over the edge. Kyle’s eyes widened in fear before they closed in preparation for the inevitable end. His and Eric’s screams filling up his brain to the brim.
Instead, he felt a hard tug on the sleeves of his hoodie… The fabric had gotten caught in the rough edges of the construction holding the pipes. Eric was dangling next to him, in a similar situation, but immobile. Not that Kyle dared to move himself.
“Oh wow!” Eric laughed shakily. It was hard to distinguish the laughter from hyperventilation.
“Oh, wow! Kyle,” Eric gasped, “I think I’m feeling fear,” said through rapid breaths.
“Not now, Eric!” Kyle’s gaze was focused on the creaky, rust filled metal that just barely held them up.
“No, really…I’m scared,” his wet eyes met Kyle’s, “I’m scared, ‘cause I think if I die, I might really miss you.” Kyle could only stare at him, mouth hanging open,
“Oh you’re the worst…” He breathed out fondly, tears filling his own eyes. The metal’s grip finally loosened as if on cue and they once again fell.
They fell and fell. The harsh wind drying up Kyle’s eyes and his screams ripping at his vocal chords. And then finally, cold water submerged him, crawling its way into his mouth and nose and every opening it could find. Stinging against the already sore, red skin. Kyle wanted to swim to the surface and suck in the fresh air he knew was resting above him. But he just kept sinking.
Eric. Where was he?
He looked around frantically. The dirty salt water irritated his eyeballs but he couldn’t care less. Not when Eric was sinking to the very bottom.
Kyle tried to swim down, but the cruel sea seemed to have changed its mind, pushing him up towards the surface now. As if each salt particle had grown arms and were lifting him further and further away from the incapacitated Eric. Eric’s eyes were open too, staring back at him.
Kyle finally reached the body and pulled him up to his chest, holding him close in his arms and looking at those glinting, heterochromatic eyes. He saw his whole life flashing before his eyes as he leaned in closer, his life this last month with Eric that is. The only life that mattered.
Coral lips met pale red ones and Kyle thought he might’ve just died. The lips were cold against his, but so very soft and so very alive.
Clouds of big air bubbles floated up as they disconnected their lips. From Kyle’s lips and from… Eric’s? Air! Air came out of his lips! Kyle couldn’t believe his eyes. His mouth split open into the biggest grin it ever had, his cheeks aching, but that wasn’t the reason invisible tears fell to join the ocean. He kissed Eric again and again, and Eric kissed him back with all the enthusiasm he could.
Kyle really was loving him back to life.