Work Text:
THE SCARLETT LAKE
By Phoenix
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Walking down the empty hallway, the bright blue metal lockers stick out against the dull white of the normally bustling high school hallway, the hateful words my classmates spewed danced around my head like the DVD logo on a TV screen, the books in my arms feeling like bricks, my body and mind tired; too tired to carry on.
My knees shaking, leaning against the wall for support, not much given. My mind is too foggy to comprehend what is happening, my legs give out on me, crashing to the floor, my sobs resonate through the empty hallway.
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The rain pounds on the concrete, my steps sluggish as I walk up to my house, my thoughts racing, I couldn't even hear my parents' frantic calls to me.
The ‘click’ of the bathroom door is what snaps me out of my trance, locking the door behind me, I step over to the bath to turn the water on, and once I get the water to the perfect temperature, I step into the water, the light over the bath reflect off of something shiny, I go and investigate only to find one of my papa’s razors, the thin white lines on my arms and thighs are a reminder of what I went through before my Dads adopted me, the promise I made them. I leave the razor where it was and continue my bath.
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School wasn’t easy for me at all, the notes and slurs taped to my locker, and students laughing at me from the hall as I open my locker. It was torture. My Dads had asked me time and time again if I wanted to change schools but I persisted with this one and for what? I, myself have no clue. I don’t know what I saw in this school but I know I couldn't keep up this façade any longer. Slamming my locker shut, the noise echoes through the busy hallway, and everybody freezes. I walk away from the hallway heading to my Papa’s office.
Knocking on the door to his office, I hear his baritone voice bark out “Enter”, opening the oak door, I step into this office and shut the door behind me, taking a step before my knees give out below me. My papa rushed to me and collected me in his arms and rocked me as I sobbed. “Oh sunshine, what’s going on?” He questioned, I just shake my head, and cry into his shoulder. I end up crying myself to sleep.
I woke up to the sound of my Papa talking on the phone, with who I guessed was Dad. I fell back into a hazed sleep.
~~
Standing on the train platform, my head felt full of clouds. It was one of my bad days. I told my dads I was going to hang out with Ethan and our partners (Logan and Victor), I feel really bad for lying to them both but this needs to be done, I can’t keep making them worry.
As the train approaches the station, I’m barely just standing on the painted line, I was ready; I was ready for this.
The train station seems too loud for my ears, The train is still approaching, and as I take my final step towards the edge, I can feel the eyes of the bystanders, the people who are about to watch a 15 yo end their life, people who’ll carry a burden of not being able to help. Did I really want to push that burden onto them? No, I didn’t. Not intentionally anyway.
The train approaches the platform not stopping, I take my final step off the platform. Not being aware of the rushing footsteps coming towards me and the hands pulling me back onto the safety of the platform.
When I come back from my episode, I’m surrounded by people I don’t know pinning me down, it’s made aware to me that I’m struggling against the hands that are holding me. My chest was heaving. My ribs burning. My mind is racing. I failed.
~~
To say my Dads were panicked was an understatement. They were freaking out. Sure Papa was being a helicopter parent and making sure I was okay both mentally and physically but he didn’t get any answer out of me.
The doctors put me on suicide watch for three days and all was fine and dandy. That’s a lie. I was admitted to the Psyche Ward and put under surveillance for a week because of my attempt.
My first therapy session was awkward. It went a little like this:
A girl with pastel blue hair walks up to me, extending her hand for me to shake as she starts to speak.
“ Hello, I’m Katie nice to meet you. First time at therapy I’m guessin?”
I nod.
~~
A friendship was quick to blossom between Katie and I. She gave off Golden Retriever energy, she has such a bubbly personality, that it’s kinda hard to say no to her. My Partners came to visit me quite a bit as I ended up staying for longer than a week. My dad’s moved me to another school, this one is so much better than my old one. My friend group is a mix between the outcasts and the jocks.
Ethan, Logan, and Victor convinced their parents to let them move to my new school so they can be with me.
For the first time in years, I felt wanted and loved even but most importantly I felt accepted.
The End :)
For now…