Work Text:
Engineering was a shitty choice. Granted, it wasn’t much of a choice – you only got into Yonan by rolling your pencil right and spelling “BAD” on your multiple-choice answer sheet over and over. And when you get into the top university in the prefecture, you might as well go for the top programme, right? Just to shove it in the faces of all your teachers and jaw-dropped classmates even more. Arakita Yasutomo, a Yonan engineer! Yeah. Fuck that. Shitty idea.
Classes are torture, even more than in high school because everyone cares so much. In Hakone you had people to sit around in the back of the room with, mouthing off at the teacher from time to time and otherwise giving absolutely no fucks. Here you walk into the lecture hall and it’s so huge and quiet you can’t crunch a cracker without it echoing all over the place. You crunch several crackers in the first few weeks to piss people off, but the reactions don’t satisfy you: all you get are a handful of mildly annoyed stares that disappear as soon as you bare your teeth at them, and the lecturer won’t even turn around. At one point you stick your hand in the air and wave it like you actually have a question, but does he notice? Does he hell. His hands never stop moving across the chalkboard, carving out alphas and betas and chicken scratches that don’t mean a single fucking thing to you.
Only Kinjou sees you, glancing at you from two seats behind and to the left as you slump back in your seat. You catch him smiling a little as you dig your phone out of your pocket, and you can’t help but wonder if he does what you do in your head – replacing the pivots and levers in your textbook with real ones, the ones on your bicycles, spinning round and round and taking you away from this shitty lecture hall and back to the interhigh, to the finish line neither of you ever crossed.
But he’s always been a good studier. You’re starting to think that all captains are good studiers, because Fukutomi’s like that too. Knuckling down when you don’t want to, knowing it’s better in the long run. Doing whatever it takes to be the best.
<yo fukuchan class sucks balls>
<You should pay attention, Yasutomo.>
You flip your phone closed and do just that, because he’s still your captain.
(Five seconds later your head’s on the table and you’re dead to the world, but at least you tried.)
Bike club is the only reason you’re still sane. You don’t train as hard as you did in Hakone – everyone’s busy, for one, and you are quickly learning that Hakone’s training regime was just hardcore as fuck. This is fine with you, because it means you can show up late for the first training session and still outrace everyone by miles. As expected from Hakogaku! they say, and you scoff behind your teeth. Fuku-chan would know that you can go way faster.
He’s not the only person who knows how fast you go, though. That’s why Kinjou’s always right behind you, and you can ride like the rabid wolf you are while he bites at your tail like the snake he is; you know he won’t let go. If you weren’t careful you’d think you were with Fukutomi again, the way you slap him on the back and he fires like a gun, head down, shades off, straight for the goal. But Kinjou’s a very different ace. Fukutomi sets his face like a soldier, while Kinjou is actually capable of smiling once in a while. When you nearly maul a vending machine to death because it won’t give you your Bepsi or start yelling in the showers because it’s too damn hot he’ll be there, a book in his hand and some witty remark on his lips, smiling like you’re a private joke that’s only a little bit funny.
You miss Fuku-chan’s smile. The two of you get to meet every weekend, but he still smiles about as often as the Bepsi at the restaurants you visit aren’t as overpriced as fuck, which is never. The only way to catch the Fukutomi Juichi smile is to be there all the time, keeping constant vigil every day till you see his lips turn up in just a hint of what you think it could be. When he smiles it’s a finish line, it makes you want to scream at the sky.
(The first smile you ever saw on him was one time when Shinkai was running around like a fuckass after his rabbit and Fuku-chan couldn’t help himself. He called Usakicchi strong, which made you laugh when you heard it, but in no time at all you were trying to be strong too so maybe, maybe, you’d see that smile again. On that road racer, you tried. At the interhigh, you tried. But you only earned it after graduation, right after his lips left yours and you peered at him through the raindrops in your eyelashes. His hair was plastered to his forehead and his skin was flushed red and he was breathing hard and fast, just like you, like you’d crossed that finish line together, and he was wearing the biggest smile you’ve ever seen. I loved you, and still love you. You really did want to scream.)
But you can’t do that anymore. Your universities are near enough for you to meet but they’re not that near, so it takes a whole day on trains and buses for just a few hours together. Besides, he’s busy. He always is, what else could you expect of a Meisou law student? Especially a Meisou law student who is also Fukutomi. You try to keep him out longer, tempt him with biking trips and riding into the sunset because deep down you’re sure he loves that romantic shit, but the answer’s always the same:
<I’m busy.>
<dammit>
You make the most of the time you do have but let’s be honest, neither of you are the best conversationalists. What’s there to talk about, really? School. More school. Law stuff you don’t understand and science stuff you don’t give a shit about. You don’t even make out because Fukutomi’s too self-conscious for that. He’s certainly not the type to wax lyrical about his private life either, so you change the subject to what you know best – but when you start complaining about how stupid the Yonan training camps are he shuts you down. We’re rivals now, Yasutomo. It’s not your place to tell me this. Which you should have expected;Fuku-chan wouldn’t betray his team to the competition after all, like the good captain he’s always been.
<Also, I’m afraid I won’t be able to meet next Saturday. I have an assignment due.>
<HA?? again??? thats the second time this month>
<Sorry, Yasutomo.>
Sometimes it still amazes you that he calls you Yasutomo. You hold on to that when you miss him the most.
Soon you end up knowing more about Sohoku than you do about Meisou. After the first cracker-crunching incidents you start talking to Kinjou during lecture, who is perfectly happy to indulge you – he’s not as much of a nerd as you thought he was. Sure, you’re nothing if not an odd couple, but you get to talk about Hakogaku, Izumida and Onoda-chan like you never left high school, and you don’t feel so alone.
One day when he’s riding behind you, you decide what the heck and throw “You like the view back there, Kin-chan?” over your shoulder. You pulled that on Fuku-chan on your last ride before university, just so you could see his face turn into a tomato. But you say “Kin-chan” now and Kinjou doesn’t even twitch, his expression perfectly blank behind his shades. It’s wrong on the tongue and you both know it.
Yeah, shitty idea.
<yo fukuchan i got u somethin>
<no its not bepsi>
<its an actual thing this time u can see it tmr>
<oi fukuchan answer ur texts are we meeting tmr or what>
<I’m sorry, I was busy.>
<I think we should stop meeting for a while.>
<what the fuk fuku???>
<why>
<Exams are around the corner. We should take the time to concentrate.>
<fukuchan thats a whole month>
<I know.>
<It’s for the best. I’m sorry, Yasutomo.>
You hurl the phone across the clubroom and it hits the lockers with a metal clang.
“Lovers’ quarrel?” Kinjou inquires calmly from the yoga mat in the corner. He’s doing leg stretches, bringing his knees to his chest one after the other, and his movements don’t stall once.
“Cheh,” you snarl, clenching your fists and scraping your palms with your fingernails. You haven’t told Kinjou about you and Fukutomi – Fuku-chan still can’t stop sending him steamed buns, how’s he gonna let him into his love life?! – but right now you don’t give a fuck. If he guesses, it’s not your problem. “Yeah. He’s ditching me for exams and shit.”
Kinjou’s eyebrows rise. “Did you break up?”
“What? Fuck, no, he’s just not gonna see me till the term’s over.”
“I see.”
“It’s fucking stupid! We’ve got the whole fucking week to study and he can’t take one day off? I’d travel a whole month to see him if I had to, I’d fucking bike there –”
You lose steam. You feel Fukutomi’s eyes on you, boring into your back, telling you how stupid you sound. It’s for the best. I’m sorry.
“Maybe he’s trying to tell you something,” Kinjou says. Then he gets up, rolls up the yoga mat with careful precision, places it gently in a locker, and latches it closed. “If I’m right about who it is, he probably isn’t too good with words.”
“The fuck are you trying to say, bastard–?!”
“League races continue next month,” he continues, putting his glasses back on as he heads towards the door. “The Hamana Lake race. After finals, we’ll go. And we’re going to win.”
And he just fucking leaves.
You can’t sleep that night. It’s pathetic, it really is; the last time you were like this was right after high school, when you couldn’t stop thinking about that fucked-up first kiss and how you’d never be friends again. Only rivals. Then he said I love you and it fixed everything, or at least you thought it did. But things aren’t that much different now, are they? You’re a rival to his bike club, a rival to his studies, a rival for his time. And you’re losing.
<fukuchan>
<fuku>
<did u find someone better>
<is it a girl>
<shinkai and u r real close huh fukuchan>
You hammer the backspace key on all of your texts like you’re punching someone’s face in.
It was a shitty idea to ever leave him. Such a fucking shitty idea.
At about two in the morning you barge into the clubroom, rip your road racer from the wall, and embark on your shittiest idea yet: biking up to Meisou in the middle of the night. It’s in the next city, sure, but you said you’d do it, didn’t you? Your legs are powered by fear and fury and if Fukutomi’s not good with words, you’ll rip them out of his throat yourself.
Then your phone chirps in your pocket.
<Have you finished tomorrow’s lab report>
It’s Kinjou. The message pisses you off so much you’re shaking, but you roll to a stop and reply.
<fuk the lab report im not home>
<Where are you>
<goin up 2 meisou>
<gonna talk to fukuchan>
<What>
<u said he was saying smth>
<well i dunno what the fuck hes sayin>
<so im gonna ask 4 my fuckin self>
<Arakita,>
<u think im an idiot right>
<maybe. im strange as hell>
<we both r. fuku n i. we’re strange fuckers>
<but mayb im too strange for him now>
<Arakita, that is the farthest thing from what I meant>
You don’t read that last one because you’ve just noticed the place you’ve stopped at: two vending machines at the top of a hill. Just like the ones in Hakone, where the two of you first met and first confessed. Why are all the vending machines in Japan the same? Why does everything in your life happen at fucking vending machines?
You kick the vending machine for ten minutes straight before Kinjou’s headlights find you.
“Fuck off, Kinjou, this has fuck all to do with you!”
“Yes, it does. I set you off, and I’m sorry about that.”
“You know what’s the funniest fucking thing? I wanted this. I thought racing against Fuku-chan and Shinkai would be a great idea! We’ll meet on weekends and holidays, it’ll be fine! But it was the shittiest idea ever. You can’t leave him alone or he’ll just stop talking to you.”
“Have you ever thought of telling him how you feel?”
“I’m doing that right now! I’m gonna find him and make him say what he’s too fucking polite to say in person–”
Kinjou grabs your arm.
“I think,” he says, looking you right in the eye, “Fukutomi just wants you to study hard.”
What?
“That’s it?”
“Fukutomi won’t break up with you, Arakita. No one believes that except you.”
“How the fuck do you know?”
“Fukutomi has a sparkling history of not using words well, and you have a sparkling history of overreaction.”
“I’m gonna kick your ass–”
“Also, I bumped into Shinkai at the last league race and you two are his favourite thing to talk about. Nothing but good news from Meisou.”
“…I’m gonna kick his ass.”
“You should probably stop crying first.”
You punch Kinjou in the shoulder but you’re smiling now, you can’t help it.
“Finish your lab report, Arakita,” Kinjou laughs, getting back into his car and gesturing for you to follow. “Show Fukutomi you can pull your own weight as much as you can pull his.”
“If you’re wrong about this, you’re fucking dead.”
“Just don’t pull me off my bike and I won’t hold anything against you.”
You punch him in the shoulder again for good measure.
<fukuchan>
<r u proud of me>
<What for?>
<for finishing my lab report>
<fuck no that doesnt make fuckin sense>
<for cycling>
<for getting 2 the interhigh>
<for pulling manami n onodachan>
<for pulling u>
<heck the lab report 2 i wrote it in 3 hrs and got a c for it fuck yeah>
<Yes, of course.>
<I am very proud of your cycling, and I am also proud that you are doing better in your assessments than previously reported.>
<I will always be proud of you.>
<heh>
<thks fukuchan>
< ♥ >
<I love you too, Yasutomo.>
< ♥ >
You take your exams and pass all of them. Then, when the Hamana River race comes around, you find Fukutomi, pull him away from the cameras and into your tent, and eat his face. Right in front of Kinjou, just to rub what he said about telling him how you feel in his face even more. Here’s you telling Fuku-chan how you feel in the best way ever! It’s the first time you’ve kissed him rather than the other way around, and when you pull away his face is so hot and scarlet you realise you’re an idiot for not doing it sooner.
“I missed you, Yasutomo,” Fukutomi says, and those words along with the curve of his lips make your chest burn like a supernova.
All you want to do is run back to him. Fuck the rules and switch teams, steal Shinkai’s jersey so you can pull for him again and make him proud. But you swallow it down and reply “We’re gonna win, Fuku-chan”, because you know that makes him even prouder.
It was a shitty idea to ever leave him. But as long as you’re here and he’s there, you’ll show him how fast you can go.