Archive of Our Own

The logistics, sure, possessed by a shadow, presumed dead, patched up by some freaky doctors and dumped back in town like a kidnappee that wasn't even worth a ransom, the usual. But here? In life?

Sometimes he lays awake on his shitty mattress on the floor of Susan's shitty trailer and thinks about being a kid again, the sun on his face, his first board, his mum's hair flying in the ocean breeze.

His mum's head cracking against the kitchen tiles.

Neil wiping blood from his fist.

He guesses he does know, really. Nowhere else for someone like him to end up.

He's supposed to be dead, he was supposed to go out heroically, make up for the asshole he turned out to be. He was too much like Neil in the end, after all.

He's got a headstone in Hawkins' Cemetery, doesn't know what's buried in that coffin but sometimes he thinks about digging his way down, wrapping himself up in that grave and just closing his eyes. Maybe everything will be fixed, he'll stop existing and everyone can stop pretending they're happy he survived.

Susan is too nice, Max is too nice, people stop on the street to whisper and stare or even worse, tell him how lucky he is, how amazing it is, miraculous. The way they eye the scars that peek out over the neck of his t-shirt say differently, they say 'you're a freak, a zombie, you shouldn't be alive'. He mostly just stays inside.

He doesn't go to school anymore, can't even imagine walking through those halls again, bumping shoulders on the basketball court, people staring at his scars in the locker room, whispering.

He sees some of them around when he has to leave the trailer, usually ducks and runs the other way.

Tommy has fucked off somewhere, so has Carol, Harrington has stuck around after graduating, he's seen him through the window working in the video store with a girl he vaguely recognises. He hasn't gone in, can't look Harrington in the eyes without seeing his face, scared and bloody, as he rams the Camaro off course. Scared and bloody as Billy pounds his fists into it over and over, he doesn't even have an excuse for that one, better if he stays away.

There's a guy in the trailer next door that he kind of remembers from school, Eddie, wouldn't have given him a second look last year but he has good taste in music and more importantly, he sells good weed.

Sometimes his incessant chattering makes Billy want to start throwing fists and he might have, before the shadow, but the thought of causing any more pain sends shivers down his spine, makes his scars feel like they're moving, squirming deeper inside him.

Besides, Eddie has gotten over the whole 'should be dead' thing pretty quickly and he doesn’t mention the scars or the mall or any of the fresh new graves in Hawkins' Cemetery. Billy thinks he might be the closest thing to a friend he's had in a long time and isn't that kind of fucking sad?

Billy is sitting on the front steps of Susan's trailer, cigarette dangling from his lips, trying to enjoy the weak afternoon sun when Eddie's crappy van comes roaring down the road, he looks happy as he slams his door and jogs over to Billy, but then he kind of always does. Billy wonders what it's like being optimistic like that. The guy has failed to graduate 2 years in a row but it just doesn't seem to bother him.

"Hargrove! You'll never guess who wanted to buy from me today." He skids to a stop in front of Billy's step.

Billy waits, he's found Eddie doesn't really need an active participant to keep a conversation going.

"Chrissy Cunningham!" Eddie spreads his arms at the reveal like a ring master on opening night.

Billy does kind of remember her, cheerleader, too sweet for his taste and dating one of the basketball douchebags he never really hung around. He's a little surprised, wouldn't have pegged her for a stoner but it is Hawkins, not much fucking else to do around here.

Billy takes a drag and offers his cigarette to Eddie.

Eddie isn't deterred by the lack of reaction, still grinning he grabs the cigarette from Billy's fingers and throws himself down on the step. Billy shifts away a bit, wary of Eddie's habit of throwing an arm around anyone who gets too close, he's on a roll though and those arms are for excessive gesturing.

"We're not total strangers, you know, she totally dug my band in middle school." Eddie switches gears fast, "You still haven't come to a show dude, no one's gonna bother you there." He sways to the side and nudges Billy, he kind of hates how well Eddie knows him now.

"So you sold some weed to a cheerleader, what's the deal?" Billy forces the words out, get him back on a less personal subject. Eddie rolls with it, as usual.

"Didn't actually, she's coming over later, she wanted something... stronger," Eddie frowns a bit puffing on Billy's cigarette, "...she was kind of jumpy actually, like maybe something was up." Billy raises a brow, interested despite himself, Chrissy Cunningham wanted something stronger.

"She's coming here?" He asks, snatching his cigarette back. Eddie nods, eyes a little wide now. Billy digs down, tries to find that old part of him that cared about getting a girl in his backseat.

"Maybe she just wanted an excuse to get you alone... In private." He tries to leer but it comes out more of a grimace. Eddie doesn't notice though, he's starting to look a bit nervous now.

"Do you think...?"

Billy sighs and stubs out the cigarette on the step under his foot, he doesn't really know anything about Eddie, hell, he could be a virgin, the guy is a bit of a freak. He tries to find that old Billy, the one who knew what to say to this shit.

He reaches out a hand awkwardly, he's not one to initiate casual contact anymore but Eddie's an alright guy, his hand comes down on his shoulder, more of a pat than the slap he meant but close enough.

"Hey, she's a classy chick, she'll probably want to take it slow or whatever." Eddie bobs his head up and down a couple times, looking a bit more sure. He checks his watch and jumps to his feet, Billy's hand hangs in the air for a second and drops back slowly.

"I gotta get back to the school for Hellfire man, I just came back for my stuff," He spins, grin back in place, "you sure you don't want in Hargrove?"

Billy rolls his eyes and leans back on his step, "Hang with the nerds? No thank you." he rolls his shoulders back to get rid of the slow shudder rolling down his spine at the thought of facing Max's little friends.

Eddie shrugs, unaware. "Way more badass than throwing balls at a laundry basket."

Billy rolls his eyes, Eddie loves to give him shit for his time on the Hawkins basketball team, Billy definitely would have beaten the shit out of him last year.

"Later dude." Eddie jogs back to his trailer, happy and animated again. Billy gives him a half hearted wave a minute later when his van peels back down the road.

Later, Billy is back on the stoop, he spends a lot of time out here, the trailer is too small for three people and his mattress on the loungeroom floor isn't exactly the same as the privacy of a room.

The door opens behind him and Max brushes past, he watches her feed scraps to the mutt next to the trailer in silence. He can't find it in himself to disapprove of the waste of food, he kind of feels like that mutt sometimes, taking scraps from Susan, not giving anything back.

Neil would have beaten some respect into him for freeloading but he isn't here any more. Didn’t give enough of a shit to come back for his only son who came back from the dead, probably worried the government would try to take back the hush money Billy is assuming they threw his way.

Billy looks up at the same time as Max when Eddie's van comes racing back down the road, he can see a blond ponytail bouncing around in the passenger seat.

Eddie sends Billy an awkward wink as he leads Chrissy into the trailer and Billy's lips lift a tiny bit as he taps his last cigarette out of the packet, he's already bracing himself for the play by play first thing tomorrow.

Max snorts and wraps her plate back up, "What's your freaky friend doing with Chrissy Cunningham?" She pauses on the step next to Billy.

Billy tenses slightly, he knows she sees it when she sighs and shifts further towards the door. He doesn't know how to act around her anymore, he doesn't hate her, never really did, he was just angry and she was there. Always there.

The last time they really spoke was when he first returned, Max explained the missing parts in his understanding of what happened at the mall. What happened to him. He just doesn't know what to say to her, she hates his guts, their parents aren't even together anymore, he shouldn't be here.

"You can come in you know, Mum is passed out but we could watch tv or something."

Billy hesitates for a second, he can see Max's shoulders drop from the corner of his eye, almost like she's disappointed. She's probably just being polite. He holds up his freshly lit cigarette.

"Maybe later."

"Ok." She whispers and turns to go inside.

Billy watches shadows move behind the curtains of Eddie's trailer as he slowly smokes his cigarette. When it's burnt down to the butt he flicks it out onto the dirt and heads inside.

Max is fast asleep next to Susan on the couch, tv playing some stupid late night infomercial. He switches the tv off, careful not to disturb either of them and climbs into bed, barely bothers toeing his shoes off. He's out like a light moments later, doesn't hear the scream come from the trailer next door.

He wakes with a start hours later, Max has slid down the couch, head pillowed on one end, Susan snores softly on the other. It's quiet outside, Billy guesses it's still early enough in the morning that he won't be seeing any light for a while.

Billy doesn't sleep a lot anymore, usually the nightmares wake him up after a few hours and it's hard to get back to sleep. It wasn't the nightmares tonight, he just has an uneasy feeling, like something has happened and the night is holding it's breath, waiting.

He grabs his denim jacket and heads outside, doesn't want to wake Max or Susan, he stops on his step and looks around.

Billy feels weird standing outside at night, uneasy, he doesn't want to go back in and lay awake on his mattress.

He feels around in his pockets for his cigarette packet, remembers that he's out. He sighs, that means a trip into town to buy more, doesn't relish the idea.

The light is still on in Eddie's trailer, Billy wonders how his night went, if Chrissy is gone. Maybe he's still awake, maybe he'll share some of his weed stash with Billy if he lets him ramble a bit. Maybe he'll even get some sleep if he has a smoke, relax enough to drift off.

Decision made, he jogs over to the trailer, he hesitates when he notices the door isn't fully closed, a cold chill starts to work it's way down his back. He doesn't want to open the door but his hand starts to move on it's own.

He holds his breath as his fingers graze the door, it feels like he's pushing with all his strength just to nudge it slightly open, irrationally hoping it won't budge.

It swings open a couple of inches and his gaze fixes on a splash of blonde hair, he doesn't understand what he's seeing for a moment, is she sleeping on the floor?

His eyes catch on an arm, it's not facing the right way, the purple of bruised skin, the fingers pointing in different directions.

Billy's breath stutters, he gags, images of different people flash through his mind, Heather, her parents, screaming, the oozing black sludge. He steps back, his ears are roaring, this can't be happening again.

He crouches to the ground, gags again. His eyes are tearing up, something rustles behind him and he spins wildly to his feet, trying to look everywhere at once.

The hair on the back of his neck prickles. Where is Eddie? He has a sudden urge to find the other boy, a flicker of a protective instinct, at the same time all he wants to do is find a corner and curl up into a ball.

For the first time he notices Eddie's van is missing, he must have taken it, he must be alive.

What if he's hurt? How is Billy supposed to help him? He can't help anyone, he couldn't help any of the people who died last year, he was the monster, he's always been the monster.

Eddie though, Eddie doesn't deserve this, he's got nothing to do with it, he's just a happy, nerdy idiot, he doesn't deserve to be dragged down into the hell hole of Hawkins.

If Billy knows anything, it's that no one else is gonna help Eddie with this shit, no one helped him, no one explained what the fuck was happening to him.

Billy can be that person, has to be that person.

He hunches down on ground, back facing the open door and Chrissy's body, if Eddie was himself and not possessed by a shadowy monster, and Billy really hopes that's the case, if he was running away from whatever he saw, where would he go? Somewhere safe, somewhere easy to hide, somewhere no one, or no thing, would look for him.

Reefer Rick. Billy had been to his place once, before Starcourt, to buy weed, knows that Eddie knows him too, it was out of the way and he's pretty sure Rick's in prison right now. Perfect. Secluded and empty.

For the first time since he came back he wishes he had a car, the Camaro is still there, hidden under a tarp next to the trailer. Driver's side smashed in from... he just couldn't find the willpower to care enough to fix it up, it wouldn't even start, he doesn't know why Susan kept it.

He looks around and spots a bike leaning up against one of his neighbours trailers, he hasn't ridden a bike in years, not since he first got the Camaro. Fuck it, can't be that hard can it?

He's going to find Eddie.