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Everyone realized that they were a little bit stupid on Saturday. The whole family was together, simply existing in the same space. Then the topic came up. The inevitable topic that will always come up at some point in every family.
“Hey B,” Dick suddenly blurted out. “Who’s your favorite?”
“I love all of you equally. I could never pick a favorite.” Bruce calmly replied.
Jason just scoffed, “alright, the old man is just gonna lie I guess.” Jason pushed on, ignoring Bruce’s protests, “Goldie locks, who’s your favorite?”
“Huh.” Dick paused thoughtfully “I…don’t know. I guess if I had to pick it would be Dami.”
Damian just grinned smugly, “but of course, I am the obvious choice.”
Tim threw a chip at him, earning a squawk of indignation. “Shut up brat, Steph or Cass is the obvious choice.”
Stephanie groaned from Cassandra’s lap, “I’m not even a sibling.” Everyone just gave her a patronizing look, because much as she tried to deny it, they all knew that non-family members weren’t allowed to just waltz into Wayne Manor whenever they wanted. Even Wonder Woman needed to let them know 10 minutes ahead of time to disable security. She just flushed a little at their implied message and continued, “but Cass is obviously the best.” Cass disagreed merely by poking Stephanie, as if to say that she had made her choice, and it was blonde.
Duke shrugged, “I don’t really have a favorite. I probs will soon, but for now…it’s pretty average for all of you.” Everyone just nodded at this, silently communicating “that’s fair,” while ignoring Bruce’s almost petulant whine of, “why do they believe him and not me?”
Tim threw another chip at Jason, hitting him square in the forehead. Which was impressive considering his current upside down status. “It’s obvious that the Demon Brat’s favorite is Dick, so how about you Jason? Do you have a favorite or do you hate all us bats equally? ” Tim lowered his voice to a mocking baritone, obviously anticipating his answer. If, as it turns out, incorrectly.
“As annoying as all of you are, little D is obviously my favorite.” Jason sneered, as if it should have been obvious. They didn’t have time to ask further as-
“Grayson is not my favorite.”
Everyone turned to stare at Damian in disbelief, sans Jason, who just flipped to the next page of his book. No one actually knew what he was reading, as he was the only one who could read welsh.
“Wait, I’m not your favorite?” Dick asked, looking like a kicked puppy. “Then who is?”
Damian just looked mystified. “Well, Jason. Obviously.” He seemed like he just couldn’t grasp their confusion. Acting like it was the most obvious thing in the world that his favorite sibling was the black sheep who still ran a crime empire and killed people on the regular, instead of the man who had made him Robin. “Why is this news to you? Is it not obvious?”
Jason was the first of the two to understand, and began laughing, going from curled in an armchair, to curled in a ball on the floor. The stares of his family only served to make him laugh more. After about 45 seconds, he managed to explain through his giggles. “Are you seriously telling me… in a family of detectives, where TWO members have held the title of world’s greatest detective, NONE OF YOU REALIZED?”
“Realized what, akki?” Damian asked curiously. The rest of the family were a bit surprised to hear the term of endearment, although they were very confused in general, so it was just an icing on a weird cake.
Jason, still chuckling a little, explained to Damian, “They think we met when I was a crime lord!” He collapsed back into hysterical laughter, the kind when something wasn’t that funny, but you just kept getting set off until you hurt all over.
Damian looked like a light had gone off, while everyone else either looked the same or even more lost. He took a deep breath before turning to the rest of the family. “Please tell me he is incorrect.” Nobody said anything, although the look on their faces was damning. He gave an exasperated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose, the look making the 10 year old look adorable, a thing no one could voice without the threat of incredible violence.
Jason, having recovered enough to speak normally, chimed in, “So you guys thought that I lived in the League of Assassins for 4 years at the same time as Damian, regarded Talia as a mom, was a trusted member of the League, to the point I was allowed to leave , which never happens, and I just happened to never meet Dami?” The ridiculousness of the idea set him off yet again, while the family just looked sheepish, and Damian just looked annoyed.
Damian muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “imbeciles” while Jason continued. “And then, And then, And then ,” he struggled to start through his now crying laughter, “you guys thought I just guessed what his comfort food was and how he likes it made. That I just happened to know the lullaby T used to sing him to sleep. That I’m somehow the only person to receive Baby Bat hugs without getting a light stabbing. Due to, what, luck?” he barked out and collapsed back into hysterics.
Damian just looked annoyed. “ Akki, ” he whined, “our family being full of incompetent fools is not a laughing matter, what if they missed something else glaringly obvious? If they can’t see something this obvious, what if they miss a sign of danger in the field?” This only compounded Jason’s sobbing laughter and the family’s embarrassed looks.
Bruce was the first to speak as Jason began to calm, hopefully for the last time. “I’m sorry chum, we assumed that Talia kept you two a secret from each other. We… never thought to ask.” Bruce smiled apologetically, and placed a hand on Damian’s shoulder. “Why don’t you two tell us about what you got up to.” Damian nodded resolutely (again an adorable look on a ten year old.), but Jason was the first to pipe up as he sat back in his chair.
"Dami took a year and a half to realize that we weren’t full blood siblings despite the fact that we have wildly different skin colors.” Damian flushed at Jason immediately throwing him under the bus.
“Well then, Jason, what about the one time…”
The whole family listened as Jason and Damian began trading stories, at first just aiming to embarrass each other more and more, before moving on to embarrassing Talia, then just stories of them working together, culminating in stories of brotherly love that left everyone with a fond smile on their face and a warm feeling in their chest. They continued through Jason helping Alfred in the kitchen, through dinner, before Jason trailed off mid story, falling asleep mid sentence. The only one left to notice was Tim, who had his head in Bruce’s lap, his feet on Dick’s lap, Jason half draped over his torso, and Damian on his legs. Duke’s feet were on the other end of Dick, his feet tangling with Tim’s, Cass was lying on the back of the couch, lurking like a gargoyle, and smiling contentedly, while Steph was using Jason as a bed. With his family surrounding him and happy, Tim slept.