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“I’m losing her,” She takes another swig of her beer, and then decides she needs more, sculling the rest down in one quick motion. She sees the bartender moving past and motions for another.
“She loves you, Haruka,” Usagi says, her voice gentle. “I can see it.”
Haruka laughs, bitterly. “You see love everywhere. It doesn’t count.”
“It’s possible to love more than one person at a time. It’s worked for me.”
“You don’t get it, it’s not the same. Us….we……it was us, forever,” She absently strokes her wedding band as she speaks. “It was meant to be the two of us. The two of us against the world.”
Usagi doesn’t say anything. She takes another sip of her cocktail and watches one of her closest friends, one of her soldiers most loyal to her, in her distress. There are no easy answers. It worked for her and Mamoru and Rei, but it hadn’t been easy, at the start.
“See….she’s the only woman I’ve been with, since I was sixteen,” Haruka says, then pauses for a moment before she admits, “The only woman I’ve been with ever.”
“What? Ever?” Usagi exclaims, and then covers her mouth with her hand, quickly realising that it was hardly the most appropriate reaction.
“Yes, it’s a bit ironic isn’t it? Tenoh Haruka, the ladies’ lady, as the rags like to say. Flash me posing with some actress every other week, claiming I’m banging her. Nope. Fuck, I haven’t even…..”
“What?” Usagi asks, rubbing Haruka affectionately on the shoulder.
She laughs, but there’s no humour in it. “I haven’t even wanted to bang anyone else. That’s how fucking pathetic I am. I don’t fucking want to see anyone else. I don’t fucking want this shit. When we –when we fucking promised our vows to each other, none of this shit was covered. None of this! What happens when your wife falls for your mutual…..I don’t even know what to call it, what to call her. Fucking sly bitch might be the proper term.”
“Haruka!” Usagi is genuinely shocked. “She’s –she’s –don’t call her that! She’s important to me and I love her too.”
“Why don’t you date her then?” Haruka spits. “That might work well for her actually, rumour has it she had a thing for Mamoru, back in the day.”
“What?”
“I’m sure she’d be happy to move right in. And Chibi-Usa loves her already, so you know, you might not have a place there tomorrow.”
Usagi crosses her arms, gets ready to throw out an argument in response, but then sighs. “Haruka, you’re drunk. We should go. You can stay at mine tonight, if you want. There’s plenty of space –Rei is staying with Minako tonight, she won’t mind if you stay in her bedroom.”
Haruka shakes her head, pulls on her dark blue denim jacket, and then looks Usagi in the eye. There’s a world of pain there, and Usagi smiles sympathetically, weaving her arm in with Haruka’s. “Come on, let’s go.”
“How do you stand it?” Haruka blurts out. “How can you stand knowing that Rei is fucking Minako tonight?”
“I…..I don’t know….it doesn’t bother me. They love each other, and Rei loves me, and Minako –well Minako loves me too! Not inthat way. But it’s still love…and we want….we want only good things for each other.” She pulls Haruka to the front, and they pay for their drinks before heading outside. “I used to get jealous, all the time. When me and Mamo started dating, I thought someone would steal him from me…..but they never did…and then I suppose…. He was the one that said it, actually. He said to me, you’re in love with Rei and she’s in love with you. I was so worried, I thought he’d be so angry but he wasn’t…..and I thought Rei would want more than this….I thought she would want only me. And she did, at first, but….we talked and….it’s turned out really well. We’re a family, me, Mamo, Rei and Chibi-Usa. And her and Minako, when they had feelings for each other…… I was a bit jealous. I thought maybe Rei would have less time and love for me….but…..we worked it out, and she still loves me and spends time with me and our family is still our family.”
She looks at Haruka, and sees the bleak darkness in her eyes. “Haruka, it’s not for everyone. You should tell her, tell her that you don’t want this. She loves you, she’ll accept it.”
Haruka shakes her head, the motion almost causing her to stumble, before she rights herself. “I already told her….I told her I…I told her I……I….I told her it was fine.”
Usagi stops then, and grabs Haruka by her forearms, shaking her lightly. “What? Haruka, you –what? Why?”
“She’s my life, she’s my fucking life,” She snaps, and then looks away, ashamed. Her voice is quieter when she next speaks. “If I said no….If I said no, I could lose her, completely. And I don’t know what I’d be….who I’d be without her. I don’t think I could live….I need her…..I would rather have half of her, than none of her.”
“Haruka, that’s not how it works! I’m sure she’ll understand, she loves you! You deserve more than that, you deserve-”
“No!” Haruka interrupts. “If you’d told me a year ago, that I’d be this fucking pathetic, so fucking shameless, I would’ve laughed in your face. I’m not a dog, I don’t take scraps. But. But….fuck. Turns out, I do. Turns out……turns out…..”
Usagi frowns, thinking. “I don’t believe….Michiru is smart, she can always read you. She wouldn’t have believed you….,” She then smiles and nods adamantly. “Yes, she won’t believe you, and she wouldn’t do it.”
Haruka smiles then. But it’s a twisted smile. “That’s the best thing about this whole fucked up mess. She believes me. She believes it because she wants it so much. My girl…..my girl with the powers of perception….the one person in the world who could always read me, even without me speaking……she can’t anymore,” Haruka closes her eyes, and when she opens them, there are tears there, threatening to spill out.
Usagi’s only seen Haruka cry once before. At her wedding to Michiru. Her heart breaks at the sight and she gives Haruka all she can offer, nothing near enough, merely her embrace, as Haruka cries choked tears into her shoulder.
-
She still wasn’t sure, if what she was doing was right. If what they were doing was right. It was in no future she had seen, it was in no future she had planned. And that was the truth, no matter what Haruka might think. When it had begun, she had done her best to avoid it. A year ago, perhaps, she had noticed her feelings changing. She doesn’t know why, really, after all, by that point, they’d all been living together for over ten years, the closest of friends, more really, the closest of family. She had been happy with their family too. Hotaru was a joy and delight to parent, and the three of them worked almost seamlessly together. For over a decade, that had been everything for her. It was the first time in so long that she had felt a sense of family and connection. Why would she purposefully do anything to ruin that? And yet…..
And yet, the feelings had come upon her anyhow.
She had moved out of their joint family home, claiming that she wanted to be closer to work. Michiru and Haruka had protested, arguing that they could all move, that it wouldn’t be an inconvenience, and yes Hotaru was older, then seventeen, but that they should all still live together. She had tried to give the impression that it had to do something with her duty, an excuse that didn’t quite wash with Michiru, but they couldn’t hold her by force, and she’d found a nice apartment close to Usagi’s place, with plenty of spare room for Hotaru. Hotaru spent time at both houses, somehow sensing, without being told, that something was wrong, and being very diplomatic with her time.
Both Michiru and Haruka came to visit, often enough. But then, Michiru started visiting her alone, dropping by to see her for lunch, inviting her out more and more often for shopping trips and tea. It never struck her as odd at first. She had never considered the possibility, never even imagined that Michiru might ever have felt anything for her. But then, one day, recently, when they had come back from a shopping trip, Setsuna had gone upstairs into her bedroom to drop off her bags, and when she’d looked up, Michiru had been standing quietly in the doorframe.
“This is why you left, isn’t it?”
Setsuna had just stared back at her, keeping her face as neutral as possible. She didn’t answer. She wasn’t even quite sure what Michiru meant, but she had been terrified, that she had been found out.
Michiru had walked up to her, and reached up, stroking strands of hair back from her face. “Tell me,” She said.
Setsuna felt sparks inside, at the closeness, and confusion too. She turned away, stepped back, not sure she wanted to know where this was going. “I believe you are mistaken.”
Michiru held her by the waist, and drew her closer. She let her. “Am I?”
And then, before even giving her a chance to respond, she drew her closer even, and kissed her, delicately, lightly, it was almost chaste. But even that was too much, and Setsuna had felt traces of electricity run through her, and she couldn’t help it, she had wanted this for so long, and so she leaned in again, kissing her, still lightly, but with urgency.
Michiru had responded, briefly, and then she had pulled away, reluctantly. But she was smiling. “I can’t. Not yet. I have to talk to Haruka first.”
Haruka. The word slammed into her like a force and she felt sick in the pit of her stomach. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t-”
Michiru had cut her off with a finger delicately placed on her lips. “Shhhh. There’s nothing to apologise for. Haruka will want this too.”
Setsuna had blinked at her, not comprehending.
“When you left, there was something missing. It hasn’t been the same. Both of us have missed you dearly. I thought on it, and it took me much longer than it should have, but it wasn’t just your presence that was missing, but what we should have been. The three of us. The three of us, living together as parents and lovers.”
“The three of us?”
Michiru smiled softly to herself. “Yes. So I took it upon myself to investigate, to see if this was something you wanted too. And I saw, the way you look at us, the way you talk about us….”
“I…..”
“Isn’t it correct?”
“I….Michiru, it’s true….I care for you….but…Haruka…”
“It’s ok, Setsuna. I know in the past, I have been rather scathing towards anyone who tries to get too close to Haruka, but I don’t feel like that with you. I want you and her to be together. I want us all to be a family again, but in the way we always should have been, the three of us, together.”
She hadn’t really known how to respond. That wasn’t what she wanted, not really. She didn’t want to share. She wanted to come first for Michiru. But she also knew that she never would, and never had. It was clear to her that the offer was this or nothing…and the thought….. To be a family again…..She wasn’t sure what to say for herself, but there was one thing she knew clearly, and one bond she certainly did not want to risk. “Uranus –Haruka, she won’t like this, Michiru.”
Michiru had frowned slightly. “I think I know my wife a little better than perhaps you do.” Then she had sighed. “I suppose, I shouldn’t be saying things like that now, now that it’ll be the three of us.”
“Michiru, I can’t see how Haruka would even….Haruka loves you, only you. She always has. I admit…I have feelings for you, but it’s not of consequence, it must past. The two of you, that can’t be risked.”
“Setsuna, she is my wife. Yes, she loves me, but she also loves you. I know this. We’ve talked much about how we’ve both missed you and how it doesn’t feel right without you. Let me talk to her first before making assumptions about how Haruka feels,” Michiru had said sternly, and then unexpectedly, she had leant up and kissed Setsuna again, this time more passionately. “I’ll talk to you soon,” She had promised as she had left, leaving Setsuna breathless and confused.
She sighs heavily at the memory. The talking hadn’t gone as easily as Michiru had envisioned it, though she never admitted as much. It had taken weeks. Haruka had refused to see her and she had heard second hand from Rei, had refused to allow Michiru to see her too. Michiru said none of this when she did actually visit her, which was just as frequently as before, yet now instead of going out for shopping or tea, Michiru would lead her to her bedroom and they would lie next to each other, talking and kissing (which Michiru insisted was allowed, and Setsuna never questioned her) for hours.
Then, only a day ago, Michiru had called her, not ebullient, no, that was not Michiru’s way, but she could hear the contained excitement in her voice. Haruka had agreed, she had informed her. This time, Setsuna had hesitantly questioned her, but Michiru would have none of it. Haruka had just needed time, this was truly what she wanted too. Setsuna had her doubts, but Michiru had said they would talk about it tonight, all three of them, over dinner, so she had agreed. She was still so uncertain about her decision. At dinner, she told herself, she would judge Haruka’s feelings for herself, and then, and only then, would she would determine her next step.
-
“Setsuna,” Michiru greets her, a genuine smile crossing her face. She envelopes Setsuna and pulls her in, pushes her back against the door, kisses her deeply. Setsuna responds for a moment, forgetting anything else until her mind somehow forms an extremely vivid image of Haruka, staring at her, ready to tear her apart. That’s enough to cause her to pull away, gasping and staring behind Michiru, scared that the image was not just a thought but a forewarning.
It wasn’t. The space behind Michiru is empty and Michiru frowns when she sees the look on Setsuna’s face. “You need not worry. I told you, she agreed to this. She is looking forward to seeing you too.”
This does little to reassure Setsuna. “Where is she?”
“She just went to see Usagi for a bit. Come in. She’ll be here soon.”
They head to the dining room, in which Michiru has set out the dining table with her beautiful dinnerware. It is close to 7:30pm, which is when the dinner was scheduled, and Setsuna is a little worried about Haruka’s absence. Michiru does not seem fazed though, and merely starts setting the meal out, bringing out a plethora of delicious dishes.
And then it is 7:30, and Haruka, still absent. Michiru smiles reassuringly at Setsuna. “You know how it is with Usagi.”
At 7:45, Michiru steps just outside into the hallway, to call Haruka. When she returns she’s frowning. Just slightly. Noticing Setsuna’s eyes on her, she puts on a pleasant smile, and gestures to the food. “Shall we eat?”
“Is Haruka…..”
“Oh, she must be tied up with Usagi. She’s always had a soft spot for her,” There’s the slightest hint of bitterness in her voice, despite the small smile on her face. “Shall we eat? I didn’t spend so much time cooking all this for it to go to waste.”
Setsuna thinks of saying something, but she’s not quite sure what to say. Instead, she seats herself and they eat quietly, the atmosphere tense. Every so often Setsuna catches Michiru glancing at the door, but she isn’t sure what to say, so she says nothing. The silence during dinner is only broken by Setsuna complimenting Michiru on the food, and Michiru’s graceful acceptance of her compliments. Afterwards, the two set about putting the leftovers away, and stacking the dishwasher. It is odd, an activity they had completed together a million times before, but this time with a host of different emotions.
It’s almost 9pm by the time that they finish, and Haruka has yet to arrive. From the way that Michiru keeps trying to check her phone discreetly, it’s clear to Setsuna that she hasn’t so much as texted either. This was hardly a conductive atmosphere for discussing anything and Setsuna is decided on leaving early. When Michiru gets up to make another phone call, she gets up as well, ready to make a farewell. “Michiru, I’ll be leaving now.”
Michiru looks up from the phone and frowns. “Already?”
“Well….”
“I’ve been rude, haven’t I?” Michiru asks. She puts the phone down, and moves up to Setsuna, placing her arms up around her shoulders. Reaching up, she tangles her fingers through Setsuna’s long hair, drawing them down slowly. “I shouldn’t have neglected you tonight.”
Setsuna shivers at the look in Michiru’s eyes. She wants to draw back before anything happens. She should leave, now. “I should go. We haven’t been able to discuss –”
Michiru cuts her off with her mouth, pulls her closer, almost swallows her whole with need. She can’t help it, she responds, draws Michiru’s hips against hers, tight against her. When Michiru finally pulls away, her eyes are already slightly hazy. “I should go,” Setsuna repeats, but even she can hear that there’s no real strength in her statement.
Michiru doesn’t even acknowledge it. She step backs, trails her eyes over Setsuna’s body, not even hiding the way they linger at her breasts. “I have wanted you for so long,” She says, and it’s enough, it’s enough, that Setsuna doesn’t care anymore. She kisses her, takes her into her arms, thrilled at the way her smaller body fits so well against hers. Michiru returns the kiss briefly, before pulling her hand, obviously about to lead her to –
“We can’t,” Setsuna says, stopping her. That was a step too far. That was their sanctuary.
Michiru’s eyes flash with anger, and Setsuna would be terrified, expect that she knows it’s not for her. “I don’t see why not. She’s quite aware of what tonight is for, and if she doesn’t want to come, or inform me of where she is, I don’t see what the problem is.”
“Michiru, she might well be upset, she might not be happy with –”
“Perhaps,” Her voice is icy cold. “Or perhaps she is just enjoying spending some quality time with Usagi.”
Setsuna is stunned. “I don’t think she would….Haruka would not-”
“Well, maybe she decided to take up on the opportunity. I’m sure she’s been waiting quite a while too.”
“Michiru!” Setsuna is aghast at the way Michiru is speaking about Haruka. In all the years, through many arguments and fights, she had never heard this level of bitterness.
Michiru shakes her head, as if to release the thoughts. “Come,” she says, tugging Setsuna close again. “We can go downstairs, to the guestroom.”
Her former room. She knows this is a bad idea. She knows the rational thing to do would be to go. Whilst Setsuna did not for a moment believe that there was anything going on between Haruka and Usagi, Haruka’s absence was a clear sign that she wasn’t happy with the situation, no matter what she had agreed with Michiru. She should go, and stay out of this mess, before it became any more complicated.
But it seems Michiru has other ideas, and she grabs her about the waist, pushes her against the wall and kisses her roughly. “Come,” She whispers in her ear, and Setsuna lets herself be led to her old bedroom.
There are still hesitations in her mind. There are. She still means to step away, to leave. But as soon as her back hits the bed, and Michiru’s on top of her, her mouth latching onto her neck, sucking hard against her dark skin, all thoughts leave her. Their kissing so far had been….intense. They had never broken the rules, whatever they were, never gone further than they could. This time though, there are no rules. Michiru swiftly unbuttons Setsuna’s shirt, and pulls her up to push it fully off. As Setsuna pulls off her shirt, Michiru slips her dress off, stopping briefly to kiss her. “I need you. I need to see you,” She explains, the urgency clear in her voice.
She doesn’t need to explain. Setsuna feels it too. She’s wanted this for so long. Her clothes are soon off, and she’s sitting there in her simple black lingerie, looking up shyly at Michiru from under her lashes. Michiru smiles tenderly. “Those too,” She states, and watches intently as Setsuna slowly slips out of her bra and underwear.
Setsuna can’t remember the last time she’s been naked in front of someone. She did not have casual lovers, and the last time….she recalls an image of silver hair and pale skin, the sharp contrast between their bodies….but just as quickly she pulls away from that thought. She does not want to sully this moment. She is here, right now. And the woman in front of her…..the woman in front of her is looking at her raptly, as if she could devour her. Setsuna feels a blush come over her, and she looks away.
Michiru pulls her chin up, forces her to look directly at her. “Don’t look away,” She whispers. “You’re beautiful. So beautiful.”
At that, her flush only deepens and Michiru brings her in for another kiss, before pushing her back down. Michiru moves down her body slowly, the urgency falling away, replaced by something else entirely. She sucks, nibbles and tastes all of her, her neck, shoulders, breasts, stomach…..she trails kisses up and down her legs, marvelling at the length of them, teasing that she won’t neglect a single spot, even if it takes her all year. It’s too much, the sensations, the feelings, everything is so real. She is rendered lost for words, and all she can do is arch up into her touches, and gasp.
After making every inch of her skin feel alive, Michiru draws her face close and they kiss again, Michiru’s fingertips lightly tracing across her face. Michiru pulls back her hair, bites lightly at an earlobe. “I want to go down on you,” She says, her voice low, trailing her lips further down her neck. “Is that okay?”
Setsuna begins to nod, but hesitates. “You can…but…”
“What is it?” Michiru asks gently.
“I…..you don’t need to,” Setsuna whispers, her voice barely audible.
“I want to, though,” Michiru says, stroking Setsuna’s face. “Unless, if you don’t want me to.”
Setsuna takes a deep breath. “I….I want you to, but….see……”
Michiru waits patiently, and continues to stroke her face lightly.
“I want you to, but it takes….it takes me a very long time to come….and I don’t want to put you out,” She finally says, looking away a little.
Michiru laughs a little, but not unkindly, before leaning over and kissing her on the cheek. “Put me out? Setsuna, dear, I would welcome spending hours going down on you. Do you know just how badly I want to taste you?”
Setsuna shakes her head slightly, unable to look back at her.
“So badly,” Michiru whispers by her ear. “I think about it all the time…” She draws their faces closer together, so that they are looking into each other’s eyes. “Do you want me to? Will you let me?”
Setsuna melts at the intensity and care in Michiru’s eyes. She nods.
Michiru’s tongue is soft and probing. She takes her time, explores, sucks, nibbles, runs her tongue over every crevice and every dip, as if she is trying to imprint her into memory. Setsuna closes her eyes, stops thinking of all else and instead focuses on the feel of Michiru against her. It must take some time, but at some point there is no time, and there is only her and Michiru, together, and Michiru against her, and then she feels herself coming, and it’s so different to everything before, and yet so familiar, and she wants to yell out but she lets out only a soft gasp, her fingers clutching tightly onto aqua hair.
Michiru moves up and wraps an arm around Setsuna, lying next to her, placing her head against her shoulder. Setsuna is still breathing deeply, trying to come down. Michiru places light kisses around her bare shoulder and strokes her hair. As the silence lengths, she asks “Is everything ok?”
Setsuna nods, a slight smile across her lips. “That was….good.”
Michiru smirks a little. “You sound almost surprised dear, would you really expect any different from me?”
“I..-no…I just…”
“It’s fine,” Michiru says, giggling a little, more little kisses flying her way.
“It’s just been a very long time.” Setsuna says, honestly.
“You still miss her.”
Setsuna looks away for a moment, considering, and then looks back at Michiru. “She was….. everything to me….but now, you…” She wants to say more, but she’s not sure if she’s quite ready, yet. She’s not sure how Michiru would feel about those words, she’s not sure how she feels about those words. She chooses to hold back.
“It’s ok,” Michiru just smiles, pulls her on top of her, gives her a longing kiss. “I want you inside me,” She says, or rather, commands, and then hesitates. “If you would like-”
Setsuna cuts her off, shuts off her words with a scorching kiss, unable to hide a small smile, that she’s surprised Michiru. “I want nothing more,” She says quietly but firmly, as she reaches down between them.
-
“You really are welcome to stay the night.”
“I’m fine,” Haruka snaps, getting out of the car and slamming the door. She supposes she should thank him, they were trying to look out for her. But she didn’t much appreciate being forced to leave her car at the bar, and being driven home by Mamoru instead. She hadn’t even been that drunk…. well, even if she had been at the bar, she certainly wasn’t now. Half of it wasn’t really anger at him, anyhow. She was angry at Michiru, and she knew that tonight was meant to be some bullshit dinner of some sort, and she had intended to go….but then she’d had that embarrassing breakdown in front of Usagi, and Usagi had taken her back to hers, to feed her, and then Rei and Minako had been there too, and Mamoru as well. It had turned into a much longer night than she had expected. It wasn’t that she had forgotten the dinner, rather, that she hadn’t wanted to remember. And everyone had been such a good distraction too. Staying away from any sore topics, they had entertained with bad jokes and their usual squabbling, and it was nice, just nice in a simple way, to be around them but…she knew she’d have to pay for it now. She’d probably get the cold shoulder all night….but it was worth it, worth it to delay whatever disaster their relationship had become.
Mamoru is waiting, peering earnestly out of the car, waiting for her to get in safely. It shits her, and she snarls back at him, before fumbling with the keys, and managing to slam the door shut behind her. She takes a moment, leaning back against the door, closing her eyes. Michiru would be furious. She’s dealt with a furious Michiru, a million times before….but back then, they always had grounding. Solid grounding, that no matter what happened, they would be by each other’s side. It was different now. She can’t remember a time in their relationship as frosty as the last few weeks had been, as cold. They had argued, constantly. Michiru had never threatened to leave her, there had been no ultimatum, at least…not one that was said aloud, but even the idea….the idea of it had been enough for her to change her mind, for her to agree to this madness. Setsuna living with them again, but not merely as a friend, a co-parent….but…the three of them, together, as lovers, sharing a bed, a life….
She despised herself for agreeing, but she would despise herself more if she let Michiru go.
Taking a deep breath, she opens her eyes, tries to mentally ready herself to see Michiru –when –there’s a burgundy jacket, hung neatly on the coat hanger. A jacket she’s seen there so many times before, but should not be there now.
Her heart stops, and she feels like she’s been punched in the gut.
Cold fear runs through her.
It’s almost 10. It’s almost 10 and Setsuna is still here.
She can tell already, that the living room is empty, as is the dining room. Her feet carry her, she’s not sure she’s capable of movement herself, to their bedroom. It feels empty but she still opens it hesitantly, and sighs when she sees that it is in fact vacant. She feels nausea come upon her as she goes through where they could be –and then it hits her.
She can hear her, even just outside. Hear the sounds Michiru makes when she’s close, her breathy little gasps, her heady moans…she can hear her, and she’s pretty fucking sure she can hear own heart breaking too, shattering around her like little drops of glass someone recklessly stomped all over.
Her hand lingers on the door knob, for a moment she’s fraught with indecision, but then she feels it –a rush of pure anger, running through her veins. That was her wife in there, the love of her life.
And she is Tenoh Haruka, Sailor Uranus, and she would not go down without a fight.
She flings the door open, and storms in.
-
Michiru is beneath her, a soft layer of sweat covering her beautiful face. She writhes, moans, arches up into Setsuna’s touch, and Setsuna leans down, kisses her, still tasting herself on Michiru’s mouth. “Harder,” Michiru gasps, pulling her closer, and Setsuna smiles softy, starts to fuck her even harder-
There’s a loud creak, and then the door is swinging open, she turns, they both turn, everything abruptly abandoned. Haruka is standing there. Haruka is there. Taking it all in. Her wife, naked and writhing, underneath one of her closest friends.
Haruka’s standing tall, her eyes flashing darkly, pure anger across her face.
For a moment, everything seems to freeze. Her, on top and inside of Michiru, Michiru, under her, so close -and then she moves, slides off and out of Michiru, and tugs a cover over them both. The ramifications hit her then, that this was not discussed, that this was not fair, that this was betrayal. Her hand is sticky, and she smells of Michiru, and she feels ashamed. So very ashamed. She can barely look at Haruka.
“Haruka,” Michiru says, and her voice is tight, there’s an edge of anger to it, and other restrained emotions, but it’s so tight, so very controlled.
Haruka flares up at the sound of her name, and Setsuna isn’t sure what will happen next, she expects Haruka to yell, to shout, and closes hers eyes momentarily in anticipation. Instead, when she next opens her eyes, Haruka is pulling off her jacket, and smirking. “I’m a little late to the party, hey?”
And then she swings onto the bed, her hands reaching for, and finding Michiru easily, her arms scooping her up, almost lifting her off the bed. They stare at each other for a moment, Michiru’s hands rise up, tracing up Haruka’s arms, then neck, then face. Her hands find Haruka’s hair, running through it softly, delicately, for a moment, before she grasps it roughly, and pulls Haruka towards her. Haruka blinks, almost responds, but then pulls back. “No,” She says, her voice firm. “No.” And then she pulls Michiru towards her, their mouths meet in a fierce kiss, her hand grasps through Michiru’s hair, pulls, makes Michiru gasp in pain, before she shoves her back, brings her knee up between her, the rough fabric of her denim jeans thrusting against Michiru’s wet cunt, and Michiru cries out, her legs tightening around Haruka. Haruka holds her down with her full body weight, pushes her hair out of the way, and bites her neck viciously, as she thrusts her knee, hard, so hard, against her. “You’re mine,” She hisses loudly into Michiru’s ear, “You’re mine.”
Michiru gasps, her eyes fold close, and right now, Setsuna can feel that they are both so far away, so so far away. "Haruka," Michiru whispers, pulling Haruka closer. "Fuck me, please."
Yanking Michiru’s hair so roughly she cries out loudly in pain, Haruka undoes her belt buckle, pulls her cock out of her pants, throws Michiru’s legs over her shoulders and slides into her without any further warning. "Fuck me," Michiru says, desperately, but she settles there, and grins widely when Michiru thrusts herself against her cock, leaning down, easily stopping Michiru with one arm against her. “You want me, don’t you?” She snarls, with a grin. “You want me in you, fucking you till you can’t move?”
Michiru whimpers a little, tries to move against Haruka, but Haruka stops her, holding her still. “Tell me you want me. Tell me you’re mine.”
“Haruka,” She says, pleads. “Haruka, I need you to fuck me. We-”
“Tell me you’re mine.”
They hold still like that for a moment, their eyes communicating silently, a challenge in both of their eyes, speaking of a history she can try to understand, but never will, not completely.
“I’m yours, Haruka, I’m yours,” Michiru finally whispers.
She wants to leave then, she really does. She’s no longer a part of this. But it’s so terribly intoxicating. Haruka, always one of the strongest soldiers physically, with her muscular arms, sturdy body, almost fully clothed, moving roughly, her cock hard and unrelentingly against Michiru, pale and naked, all soft curves and flesh, the two of them so different but so in sync.
“Your boobs,” Haruka gasps, as she continues to pound into her. “I want you to touch your boobs for me.”
Michiru reaches down, eyes locked with Haruka, as she kneads her own breasts, pinches her own nipples, gives a shuddering moan at her own actions. Haruka grins. “Good. Good girl,” she says, “You like my cock in you don’t you? You like me getting hard for you, fucking you?”
“Haruka.”
“Tell me, tell me how much you need me in you.”
“Haruka,” Michiru gasps.
“Tell me.”
Michiru is sweaty, gasping and moaning, so utterly lost, so utterly out of control, so utterly different to every way Setsuna had ever seen her before. “I do,” She gasps, “Haruka….I need you, fucking me, I need your hard cock in me.”
Haruka bites her lip, her eyes glazing over at these words. “Touch yourself,” Haruka commands, still thrusting deeply, sweat trickling down her forehead. “Touch yourself. I want you to come with me fucking you.”
Michiru moans and responds instantly, rubbing at her clit furiously, as she’s being pounded into the mattress. It’s not too long later that, with a gasp and a cry, she comes, and Haruka slows down, panting, as she lowers herself onto Michiru without pulling out. The two look at each other and kiss, at first gently, slow nibbles, and then it becomes needier, more urgent. Haruka cups her hands around Michiru’s face. “I love you,” She whispers fiercely. “I love you.”
It is time, she thinks. She is cold over on the side of the bed, she is naked, and she is ashamed. The way they are looking at each other is so intimate, so special, so connected that she wonders how she ever fooled herself, how she ever thought she could have something with Michiru. She gathers herself slowly, trying to tug a sheet around her body as she searches for her underwear. Haruka and Michiru are still very much wrapped up in each other, but as she tries to reach for her bra quietly, Michiru speaks to her. “What are you doing?”
“I think I should go.”
“Please don’t. We want you to stay.”
Setsuna blinks disbelievingly back at her, and then turns her gaze to Haruka. Haruka, who’s still deep within Michiru, her arms wrapped protectively around her. Realising that both Michiru and Setsuna’s eyes are on her, Haruka shrugs. “Stay,” she says, but her tone says anything but.
“I…..”
Michiru gets up, untangles herself from Haruka, leans over, pulls Setsuna down. “It’s the three of us now,” she says softly, kissing her. “You belong here.”
Michiru and Setsuna kiss, and it’s easy, it’s so easy for her to get wrapped up in her, to forget anything else, but the way her lips taste against her, the way her hands traces down, cupping her breast, pinching her nipples….it’s so easy and she lets herself.
But then Michiru’s pulling away, and pulling Haruka closer, looking at them expectantly, a small smile across her face. Setsuna and Haruka stare at each other for a moment, and she sees, briefly, the feelings Haruka’s trying not to show. But then Haruka smirks harshly, and leans over, pulls her in, kisses her. There’s no gentleness to this kiss. It’s rough and it’s harsh and she winces, gasps as she’s pushed down, and giving her no time to respond, Haruka’s attacking her neck with ferocity, biting, as she pinches a nipple repeatedly, and Setsuna can feel her hardness trailing against her as she moves down her body quickly, urgently.
“My, Haruka, you’re in a mood today,” Michiru remarks, her voice full of mirth. She grasps Haruka’s head and stops her, for a moment. “Are you ok, Setsuna?”
Setsuna looks down at Haruka, sees the challenge in her eyes. The smart thing to do would be to step away, to leave, she was surely above this….but she finds herself nodding, for reasons she can’t even articulate herself. Michiru smiles and releases Haruka, and Haruka bites, grabs her way down her body, until her hands find her wet cunt, the both of them panting hard, now. Then she slips a finger in, and another, and another, and she’s fucking her hard, pounding against her, and Setsuna’s gasping, moving back towards her. It’s so good, it feels so fucking good, but there’s one thing missing, and she reaches for her, and Michiru’s mouth meets hers, and then it’s just fucking perfect.
Michiru groans into her mouth, and she leans closer, not noticing for a moment, that she is no longer being fucked. When she pulls away from Michiru, Haruka is staring at them, her face stark with emotion, her hand limp by her side. Smiling softly, Setsuna reaches over, pulls Haruka towards Michiru, and watches as they kiss. It seems natural then, after that, for Haruka to slip down, for her mouth, to make its way down, until she’s buried in Michiru, and for Setsuna to glide her tongue across the expanse of pale skin, explore her neck, her chest, her stomach. As Michiru’s gasps become needier, Setsuna moves her lips to her breasts, sucking and pinching alternatively, and Haruka increases her rhythm, both of them utterly devoted to their tasks, until Michiru comes with a shuddering groan.
Haruka re-emerges, face wet with Michiru, and smiles softly at her wife. Michiru sighs happily as she settles deeper into the sheets. “Haruka, I want to make you come,” She says, lazily reaching for her.
Haruka settles at her right, kisses her briefly, and rests her head against her shoulder. “I’m alright,” She assures her, her voice subdued as she settles too.
“Setsuna,” Michiru reaches for her, kissing her. Setsuna kisses her back, gently, and then lets Michiru pull her down, on her left.
For some moments they lie like that, the three of them, as both the silence and the night deepens.
“I love you both,” Michiru finally says, softly. Smiling, she closes her eyes, and drifts off.
-
Her night is spent staring up at the ceiling. This is her former room, and the ceiling is achingly familiar. She was not one who needed much sleep, and the memories come back to her, all the times she had spent fantasising about Michiru, thinking of the feeling of holding her, of having her….of simple togetherness.
In the night, things had shifted, bodies had re-arranged themselves. Michiru was snuggled in Haruka’s arms, and Haruka’s arms were wrapped, almost possessively, even in her sleep, around her wife. They melded into each other, two halves of a whole.
Setsuna smiles sadly to herself. She should have known. She knows she should have known better. She shouldn’t have dared to dream, shouldn’t have sought what was never to be hers.
She moves slowly, silently gathers her clothes, dresses in the dark, and slips out quietly, as ever, unnoticed.
-
She sleeps fitfully, awoken by nightmares, a mix of past terrors and present horrors. As dawn creeps its way over, she gives up on sleep, and stares instead, at the beautiful woman beside her. Her wife. She smiles softly to herself as she remembers how they met, only fifteen then, so young and naïve, so unprepared for the pain, the anguish and the joy that their lives as Senshi would bring them. Over 13 years she had known her, over 12 they had been together, and over 6 they had been married. She had sworn her life to her, her love, her fidelity, her everything. And she would swear it again, today, she would swear it over and over again.
But….Setsuna is gone, but where to, and why, and when she’ll be back, she doesn’t know. The images assail her. Michiru kissing Setsuna, touching her, moving desperately against her….but….but mostly, the way she looked at Setsuna, the way she was only meant to look at her, the way she was only ever meant to look at her. She’d thought she could do this, have what she could of Michiru, even if she couldn’t have it all. But her heart is broken, and tears are slowly streaming down her face, and she’s so close to sobbing openly, loudly, and she doesn’t think she could bear it –doesn’t think she could go, now, if she woke up.
She gathers her hair out of her face, kisses her brow, softly. She stares at her, runs her fingers lightly over her face, seeks to imprint every memory of her, every closeness, every moment they had shared together. She would need it, for no one would ever have her heart again.
She moves softly, slipping out from under Michiru, moving her gently away. Michiru reaches for her, in her sleep, and she’s tempted, so tempted…..but she remembers those words…. “I love you, both”, and it’s a stab in the chest, and she can’t, she just can’t stay, no matter how much she wants to.
Forlorn, tears spilling down her face, she glances back, Michiru, Michiru and everything, everything she ever meant to her…..and probably always would….. Quietly shutting the door behind her, taking a shuddering breath to try and steady herself, she leaves.
She stumbles, in the dark, in her pain.
But she is sure of her way.
-
She’s half-awake now, smiling, immersed in memories of the night before. Still drowsy, her eyes shut to the bright sunlight flooding in, she reaches across from her, around her, wanting to hold them close, wanting their warm bodies by her. Her hands find nothing, and nothing, over and over again.
Finally, she opens her eyes, confused, needing to see them.
The bed is cold.
There’s no one there.