Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Heaven help me
My mind changes like the wind
Please excuse me
I don't know where to begin

But I didn't think I cared
I could be your friend
But I'm unprepared
Oh, I've never felt like this

– Waking Up Slow by Gabrielle Aplin

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Jimin and Taehyung were always meant to be friends. At least, that’s what Jimin believes.

It was fate, kismet, destiny. How else would anyone explain someone like Taehyung deciding to become best friends with someone like Jimin?

Taehyung could have had his pick of any boy at school to be best friends with. He did, in fact, several times. First it was Jihoon, but that only lasted until Taehyung caught him picking on someone younger than himself (“Only punch up,” Taehyung used to say, as he side-eyed Yoongi, Jimin’s step brother and several years older). Then it was Sungho, but that quickly fizzled when Taehyung realised he was only pretending to find his jokes funny. He never could stand a phoney.

There were several others, but none of them stuck. Not until Park Jimin. Jimin had observed all of these previous best-friendships of one Kim Taehyung for a simple reason: everyone did. Taehyung was effervescent; a beautiful child, even from infancy, he became the most popular boy in the schoolyard as soon as he grew into his ears. His wide, expressive eyes drew everyone in and his endless imagination and cheeky mischievousness meant he was a joy to be around.

What truly made him irresistible though was his steadfast kindness. You would never hear one mean word from Taehyung, unless you had hurt one of his friends. And he was friends with almost everyone. The position of his best friend, however, was open one autumn day in the school yard in second grade.

Jimin was playing by himself under one of the few trees in the schoolyard, like he usually did. The foliage above was still verdant green, but with that tinge of vivid orange that meant cool nights and even chillier mornings were slowly arriving. The heady scent of fall, of change, of dusky evenings, and frost in the mornings, was in the air.

The reason Jimin usually played by himself, despite a loud schoolyard full of brash boys, was simple: Jimin was shy. Well, shy and chubby. His legs were short and so he couldn’t quite keep up in games of speed. His shyness meant he took too long to respond when asked to join in any other kind of game, the other boys quickly shrugging and running off to play, until eventually they didn’t ask him at all.

Jimin didn’t mind, totally, even though it stung when the other children stopped inviting him to play with them. He knew it was his own fault, and yet he couldn’t stop himself wistfully staring over at the games and loud voices.

That day, like most days, he was drawing shapes in the dirt with a stick, humming along to a song he had heard on the radio while his eomma was making his lunch for the day. He looked up and his eyes caught on Taehyung, laughing in the sunlight as he played jegichagi with a few of the other boys. Jimin had always thought he was beautiful, and in that moment he was struck by the way his cheeks rose when he smiled, his head thrown back in laughter, eyes closing in joy.

Jimin laughed along, even though he wasn’t a part of the boys’ game, and then continued humming, looking back down at his drawing.

“Hey!”

Jimin didn’t look up, used to the shouts of his fellow schoolmates, nothing to do with him.

“Hey! Manggaetteok!”

Jimin raised his head, curious; he hadn’t heard that nickname for any of the boys before. When he looked up, his eyes widened. Kim Taehyung was staring right at him from across the schoolyard. His eyes were sparkling, a mischievous smile on his lips.

Jimin didn’t understand. He looked behind him, sure he would see another boy standing there, the intended target of Taehyung’s attention. When he didn’t see anyone, he swung his head back around and was very alarmed to see Taehyung jogging towards him.

He could do nothing but gape as Taehyung made it to his side, crouching down in the bit of shade.

“Hi!” Taehyung said, grinning.

Jimin stared back. It took him several moments to form a reply. “Hi,” he said, voice quiet but still embarrassingly high.

“I’m Taehyung!” he said. “But you can call me Tae if you want.” Taehyung’s hands were rubbing up and down his own knees, as if he couldn't contain his excitement.

“Okay,” Jimin was surprised to hear himself saying, as if he didn’t already know who Taehyung was.

“What’s your name?” Taehyung asked, a fond smile creasing his cheeks. “Manggaetteok isn’t your real name, is it?”

Jimin blinked, still not sure that the sprite of a boy in front of him was real. “Manggaetteok?” he managed to ask.

“Yeah,” Taehyung giggled. “It’s what the boys call you. I think it’s cute. Unless you don’t like it, then I hate it, and I’ll beat up anybody that says it.”

“Oh,” Jimin said, and his hands flew up to his cheeks. He was certain of the reason for the nickname.

“Cute,” Taehyung said. “Your name?”

“Jimin,” he said, feeling the heat in his cheeks. He knew he must be going red in the face. Taehyung didn’t seem to care, or start singing the tomato song like the other boys did when Jimin blushed like that.

Instead, Taehyung smiled his biggest smile, the one Jimin had admired from afar so many times, his mouth forming a wide box, his teeth showing proudly, and his cheeks raising to frame his eye smile.

Jimin couldn't help but smile in return, lowering his hands.

“Jimin, Jimin-ah, Jiminie,” Taehyung said, giggling in between each iteration. Jimin gaped again, loving the way his name sounded in Taehyung’s dulcet tones.

“I like it,” Taehyung continued. “What are you doing over here?”

Jimin looked down at his drawing, suddenly feeling very childish. Taehyung followed his gaze.

“Cool!” he exclaimed. “Is this like a story? What’s this guy doing?” He pointed at one of the stick figures holding a sword. “Is that a pirate?”

Jimin got excited and started talking without thinking too much about it.

“Yeah! He’s the pirate king and he’s fighting these other guys, see?”

“Like Luffy from One Piece?”

Jimin squealed in delight. “Yes! One Piece is my favourite. I’m only allowed to watch one episode on weekends but I’m already on episode twenty five. And Luffy is my favourite character and I’m in Kendo so I can learn to be just like him and …”

Jimin trailed off, realising how much he’s talking, but when he glanced up at Taehyung, he’s listening with a grin on his face, his eyes sparkling and his attention rapt on Jimin.

“Do you like One Piece?” Jimin asked tentatively.

“I’ve never seen it but my cousin does. He has posters of Luffy in his room. I like hearing you talk about it. Hey! Maybe I can come over this weekend and watch your episode with you?”

Jimin couldn’t help his mouth falling open again. Taehyung was the most popular boy in school. There was no reason he would need to befriend Jimin. But, watching Taehyung giving him all of his attention, the shouts of the boys playing across the yard forgotten, Jimin made a decision, one he’ll never regret and yet one he’ll rue immensely. He decided that as long as Taehyung wants him, he’ll always say yes.

“Okay, Taehyung,” Jimin said shyly, savouring the sound of the other boy's name in his mouth.

Taehyung grinned and reached forward, grabbing Jimin’s hand. Jimin felt like he stole a piece of his heart at the same time, and he happily gave it up.

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From that day on, Taehyung and Jimin are inseparable. In a lot of ways they are opposites. Jimin is quiet and studious, always getting the best grades in class and obeying every rule. Taehyung is wilder, only scraping by in school thanks to his charm, something even his teachers are susceptible to, and bending every rule he can.

With Taehyung, though, Jimin blossoms like a flower. He talks for hours when it’s just the two of them, spurred on by Taehyung’s enthusiasm for anything that comes out of his mouth. They watch movies (Taehyung even manages to convince Jimin’s mother to give him more screen time, something Jimin watches in awe with his jaw dropped), read comics, and make up drama scenes together, getting lost in a world of fantasy that consists of just the two of them.

Jimin waits for Taehyung to get bored. Waits for him to find the shine in another boy and move on. But, miraculously, he doesn’t. A year passes and Jimin finds himself blushing as Taehyung presents his year in review to the class, most of it about him: Taehyung’s best friend Jimin. The other boys don’t quite get it, and Jimin finds the occasional jealous glance thrown his way, but Jimin doesn’t care. He doesn’t get it himself, but he’d rather be noticed as Taehyung’s unlikely best friend than not at all.

Time passes, they get older, and the one constant in Jimin’s life is Taehyung. When Jimin’s parents get divorced, Taehyung practically moves in with him and his mom, he’s there so much. Jimin cries himself to sleep a lot of nights with Taehyung gently carding fingers through his hair. When his dad takes a job in America and moves away, Taehyung signs Jimin up for dance classes with him. It becomes another one of Taehyung’s fancies that he gives up within a couple of months, one of a list of many hobbies started and abandoned, but it becomes something much more for Jimin: an obsession, a solace, and a place of escape. Even though Taehyung doesn’t stick with it, he’s the reason Jimin started and he will always owe him for that.

When Jimin’s mom starts dating a few years later, right when Jimin and Taehyung enter high school together, and her boyfriend comes with a grumpy teenage son who is a little too blunt for Jimin’s sensitive nature, Taehyung organises the “We Hate Yoongi” club, even recruits some other people at school. That is, until Jimin starts spending more time with Yoongi and he realises the older boy is really a big softie that’s wrapped in some teenage angst. They disband the “We Hate Yoongi” club and get him to teach them how to access American websites via vpn.

This is how they watch porn for the first time at the age of fourteen, both of them with jaws dropped as they squish together in a desk chair in the basement of Jimin’s house. At first they’re cracking jokes about the cheesy music and flimsy plotline, but then, as the action really gets going and they watch a jacked up guy giving it to a woman with boobs so big they can’t be real, the room gets really quiet, filled only with the exaggerated moans of the woman in the video. Jimin shifts, uncomfortable suddenly with how tightly Taehyung and he are crammed together in the seat, which is weird, because Taehyung and he are both incredibly touchy, cuddly, even downright gropey at times. They’ve always been that way, that’s just them.

But now, with the raunchy noises coming from the computer and the awkward silence spinning out between them, he feels wholly subconscious. They haven’t talked in like three minutes, which is a record for them. Weirdly, Jimin finds himself more in tune with the way Taehyung is breathing, how he seems to shift every few seconds, rather than the very dirty scenario playing out in front of him. Jimin doesn’t understand. He had always heard from the other boys at school that porn is the best, the most exciting thing that could happen to a guy barring the actual act itself.

Instead, as he watches the busty woman bounce up and down, he feels … bored? He knows he should be interested, should even be getting turned on, but he’s just not. He wonders if Taehyung is and, without thinking it through, he glances down at Taehyung’s crotch. And, yup, there it is, his best friend’s boner. Jimin looks back at the screen, breathing faster, feeling nervous butterflies suddenly twisting in his stomach. Is he finally getting turned on from the video?

He spends several more beats watching the video but something isn’t right. As Taehyung shifts in the chair, his arm and leg rubbing against Jimin’s, he feels that heat again, deep in his stomach. He risks moving his head a bit, watching Taehyung out of the corner of his eye. His friend is rapt, watching the video, one hand gripping the armrest of the old chair, ripped and worn. His fingers, long and graceful already, scrape against the fabric as he shifts.

Jimin feels a tingle run down his side where Taehyung is pressed up against him. His eyes wander down again, and then the most horrible thing that’s ever happened in his life occurs. Taehyung looks over and sees Jimin looking. At his best friend’s crotch. While they’re watching porn. Jimin’s eyes snap up to Taehyung’s face and he doesn’t know what to do, freezing once his eyes meet the other boy’s.

Say something! He doesn’t speak. Say anything! Anything will do! Make a joke! Cough! Yawn!

To Jimin’s utter mortification the woman in the video lets out an over the top scream as she apparently meets her climax. Jimin finally opens his mouth.

“Jimin-ah! Taehyung-ie! Dinner’s ready!” The two boys flinch at the sound of Jimin’s mother’s voice drifting down the basement stairs.

Taehyung moves quickly, muting the video and then closing the browser screen before jumping up from the chair. He grins down at Jimin.

“That was close,” he says cheekily. “Apologise to your mom for me, I’m going to sneak out the back. I don’t think I can eat your mother’s japchae with, well, you know.” Taehyung gestures at his crotch, where he still seems to be sporting a half chub.

Suddenly, they both burst into laughter, giggles spilling out, and Jimin feels immense relief. This is normal, totally normal. Just two best friends, laughing over boy stuff.

Taehyung heads out through the exterior basement door and Jimin goes up to dinner. He’s distracted throughout and it isn’t until he’s up in his room afterwards that he allows himself to think about what happened.

He collapses into bed, cuddling his pillow to his chest and exhaling hard. He closes his eyes and thinks about the video. He saw two people having real sex for the first time in what should have been some sort of formative moment for him, but it didn’t turn him on at all. Instead, it was the thought of Taehyung’s arousal that makes him even now feel a small shiver of excitement.

He curls onto his side. He thinks hard. He wishes they never did that. He wishes they could do it again. He realises this means something really big. It means something so impossibly hard. So monumentally scary. He hugs his pillow tightly.

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At first, Jimin doesn’t think about the full implications of his moment with Taehyung in the basement. It’s enough just to deal with the holy-shit-I-think-this-means-I’m-gay implications, never mind the does-it-mean-anything-that-it-was-Taehyung implications.

But, like most everything about Taehyung, it’s very hard to ignore. And the other problem is, underneath all that nervousness, it makes Jimin feel good. He always knew he loved Taehyung, like a friend, like a brother even. They were so close it was like they could read each other’s thoughts, like they were each other’s other halves.

Except now, when Taehyung runs toward him in the hallways of their high school, Jimin really thinks about why it makes his heart jump. When Taehyung wraps him in his arms or puts a hand on his waist, or jostles him as they walk home from school, Jimin thinks about why it feels like his touch is the best thing in the world.

He always figured that the reason why he thought Taehyung was the most beautiful person in the world was, because, well, he is. But maybe there’s more to it. And one day, as he’s waiting outside of school under a tree to walk home with his friend, he realises. He realises as Taehyung walks toward him, breaking out into his big boxy smile, the same one that he gave him so many years ago on another school yard when they met. He realises as he sweeps his eyes down Taehyung’s long frame, limbs graceful and full of energy, as he watches him wave at him with a sparkle in his eye. Oh.

Oh.

Park Jimin is in love with his best friend.

Jimin panics. But he does it quietly. Because what can he do?

Over the course of the next few weeks he walks around after Taehyung like a besotted fool, laughing at anything he says, quietly preening every time he places a hand on his back or his knee while they’re talking. He may dance with extra effort when Taehyung comes to his practice so they can grab food after. He worries that he’s being too obvious and that Taehyung will catch on but at the same time he can’t help it. It’s like his love is bursting out of every pore. As they’re indulging in noodles after practice one night, he realises something else.

He’s not actually acting any different than he usually does. Taehyung isn’t noticing anything because this is absolutely par for the course for them. Jimin slurps down his noodles and wonders how long he’s been in love with his friend.

He lies awake in bed that night as the most terrifying part of his feelings hits him. If Taehyung finds out, he could lose him. Sure, they’ve been best friends for a long time, almost eight years, but Taehyung is friends with almost everyone. Jimin is sure he could be replaced if he makes his friend uncomfortable. He turns in his bed, clutches his pillow to him, and vows he won’t ever tell Taehyung about his feelings. Not unless he can tell he likes him back.

The problem is, they’re in high school now, finally surrounded by girls as well as boys, and, big surprise, all the girls love Taehyung too. In the short time they’ve been in the co-ed school, Taehyung has had three girlfriends and endless crushes. There hasn’t been anything serious, Taehyung flitting from girl to girl and somehow staying friends with all of them even after they’ve broken up.

Jimin groans and rolls over in bed again. He can’t believe he’s in love with his straight best friend. He wishes he could go back in time and never realise it, wishes he could just go on in ignorant bliss, only his subconscious registering how gorgeous and caring and funny and lovely … god damn it.

Jimin doesn’t sleep much that night. Or the next few weeks. But, eventually, the sting of it all fades a little. It’s still painful when Taehyung starts up some new flirtation, and it still feels unutterably lonely sometimes when it’s just the two of them and Jimin’s heart yearns for more, but there’s still so much to love about being Kim Taehyung’s best friend. There’s laughter under blue skies, and playing video games for hours on end, there’s a shoulder to cry on when he doesn’t get top marks from his dance instructor, and, more than anything, there’s endless warmth in a world that expects so much of them.

So Jimin is okay. He learns to live with it. And yet, no matter how much time passes, the years of their high school education speeding by with alarming speed, his love never seems to lessen. He wishes at times it would, and then, at other times, he clings to it like a life raft in a wide sea. Park Jimin loves Kim Taehyung and he can’t help but wonder who he would even be without it. So instead, he follows his friend around like an obedient puppy and he never regrets it for a second.

That is, until senior year. But that, like most things, is Jimin’s own fault.

The fact that Taehyung only dated girls had been a huge help in the “don’t be delusional” mission of Jimin’s life. Taehyung never had a relationship last more than a few months, but at this point in their high school career he had pretty much exhausted all viable dating options at their school and had already started in the ecosystem of nearby schools. Until Minho.

Minho was an exchange student from the US that transferred to their school at the beginning of their senior year. And he’s briefly the bane of Jimin’s existence. At first, Jimin liked him. He was funny and handsome and he seemed like a very nice guy. They hung out at a few parties and he even joined the two of them after dance practise a couple of times for food. Jimin liked him fine. Right up until he turned the corner at a friend’s house during a Friday night party, and almost knocked into him making out with someone.

Jimin had apologised quickly and side stepped to walk around them when Minho turned slightly, breaking up the kiss to smile sheepishly at Jimin. “No worries,” Minho had said. Jimin remembers it with vivid detail. Because that’s when he noticed who he was kissing. Taehyung. No worries.

Taehyung whose lips were a bit swollen from being kissed, his eyes heavily lidded from a bit too much to drink. But no worries. This is not the first time, or even the tenth time Jimin had seen Taehyung kissing someone at a party. But it is the first time with a boy. With stupid Minho, with his stupid handsome face. Jimin only managed to stutter something lame, eyes wide, before he booked it back the way he came, foregoing his original goal of finding the bathroom to head right out the front door and home.

He walks home in a daze. Taehyung had been kissing Minho. Minho is a boy. Minho is also stupidly handsome, and tall, and funny but in a really cool way that makes Taehyung laugh but also look him up and down, not the way Jimin makes him laugh, which is by doing something so silly it makes banana milk come out of Taehyung’s nose and suddenly Jimin is crying. Tears are running down his face and he runs home as fast as he can. Because up until now, Taehyung was some out of reach creature, a fairy tale, something that was never going to happen. But now he’s actually kissing boys, and the boy he chose wasn’t Jimin.

He cries in the park near his house for as long as he can before he realises the tears aren’t stopping, and if he gets home any later and gets caught, his mom might actually kill him. He opens the door at home as quietly as he can, having learned over the years which floorboards let out the loudest creak, but it all goes to waste because he’s still crying and his hitching breath and sniffing are louder than any other noise he’s making. He looks up sharply at the shadow that raises up from the kitchen and holds his breath. He’s only somewhat relieved when he sees it’s his step brother, a samgak-kimbap in his hand, a big bite taken out. Yoongi’s chewing, but his eyes narrow as he takes in Jimin’s face, red eyes and puffy skin, snot running down from his nose, where he’s wiping it away.

Yoongi and Jimin had gotten a lot closer over the last couple of years but never this close. Jimin’s never cried in front of him, never told him any of his secrets. Standing in the darkened house at two in the morning with his chest feeling split open and Yoongi’s eyes widening in concern, Jimin can’t hold it in anymore. He bursts into bigger tears, and Yoongi quickly grabs his hand, pulling him up the stairs and into his bedroom, closing the door softly behind him. Jimin sprawls onto Yoongi’s bed, pulling one of the pillows to his chest and trying to contain the sound of his sobs.

Yoongi just sits in his desk chair, swinging awkwardly a little side to side. Finally, Jimin sits up a little, his tears slowing. Yoongi offers him the rest of his snack and Jimin realises he’s hungry. He hadn’t eaten dinner and the few drinks he had had at the party sit like lead in his stomach. He reaches for the food and starts to nibble on it, now feeling embarrassed that his hyung is seeing him like this.

Yoongi clears his throat. He’s a man of few words and even though they’ve warmed up to each other, they’ve never gotten into anything so serious. So Jimin is nervous but also curious. What will Yoongi make of him?

“Who’s ass am I beating?”

Jimin wasn’t expecting that. It prompts a surprised snort, which causes some rice to fly out of his mouth and then he’s coughing, a few grains stuck in his throat. Yoongi moves over to the bed and bangs on his back to help him through the coughing fit. Once he’s through the worst of it, Jimin finds himself at a loss for words.

Instead he stares ahead at the stack of university textbooks on Yoongi’s desk. Yoongi had taken a year off after high school, something almost entirely unheard of in Korean families. But he had made decent headway on his music projects, and now he’s back at home while he does some business courses at the local university, his goal one day to open his own production company. So he’s living at home until he can get his own place and suddenly Jimin is so grateful for that. When his dad had moved out, there really hadn’t been anyone he could rely on, except for Taehyung, his mom as devastated as he was by the divorce. And, well, he really can’t talk to Taehyung about this.

So he starts talking.

“Just mine, I guess.”

Yoongi lets out a snort of laughter. “You want me to beat your ass?”

Jimin lets out a bit of a laugh as well, and it’s such a relief after all of his crying. “I … I guess I … I’m just such an idiot.”

Yoongi doesn’t say anything, but he does have a doubtful look on his face so Jimin decides to continue. He stares down at his feet.

“So I sort of figured out … that I’m gay … at the same time that I figured out that I sort of, maybe, am kind of, like, in love … with my best friend? And at first it was ok because he’s totally straight and I could just like, swallow it down, because he’s my best friend and I don’t ever want to lose him.

“But tonight … at the party, I saw him kissing a guy? And I just suddenly realised. It’s not because he’s straight. It’s because he doesn’t want me. Like all this time, all these years, he could have noticed me. Nothing was getting in his way, except, except of course he didn’t, because just look at him and look at me and –”

“Woah, woah, ok, Jimin-ah, just slow down. Let me make sure I have this right.”

Jimin takes a breath and nods, still looking down at his feet, his nails pressing little moon shapes into his palms.

“You’re in love with Taehyung.”

Jimin sniffs and nods, rubbing at his nose.

“And he was sucking face with some guy at a party tonight. And even though that means that theoretically he could be into you because he doesn’t go just for girls, that’s a bad thing because …”

Jimin looks up at Yoongi’s incredulous face and tries to tell if he’s joking.

“Hyung,” he whines. “It means he could’ve picked me if he wanted to. But he didn’t.”

“Jimin-ah,” Yoongi whines right back at him, imitating his higher voice. “I get that you’re all young and angsty and also kind of an idiot. But think about it. When you figured out you were gay, I mean there was a point when you figured it out, and before that, you just didn’t know, right?”

Jimin sniffs, nodding, thinking about that afternoon four years ago.

“So maybe Taehyung is just figuring out he likes guys too. Him sucking face with one guy at one party does not mean he wouldn’t be into you. You should take this as a good thing.”

“I should?” Jimin asks, incredulous.

“Yes! Now you know you have a shot, right? Why don’t you test the waters a bit.”

Jimin feels foggy, but he’s starting to maybe see what Yoongi is saying. “Test the waters how?”

“I don’t know, man, flirt, tease him, do something romantic, if that’s what floats his boat. See if he responds. If you don’t try, you’ll never know.”

Jimin nods. It makes sense. He guesses he can see how Taehyung liking boys could be a good thing for his hopes. And it’s not like he proposed to Minho or something. Even if they are dating, Taehyung’s relationships have never lasted more than a couple of months. Maybe then Jimin could shoot his shot. That train of thought comes to a screeching halt as he thinks about what that would entail.

“But … what if he figures out I like him and then he gets uncomfortable. What if he decides we can’t be friends anymore?”

Yoongi looks incredulous. “Taehyung? The little weirdo that would die for you? Yeah, I’m pretty sure you’d have a hard time making him uncomfortable around you. Besides, you don’t have to go all in all at once. Just, take it slow.”

Jimin heaves a huge sign and Yoongi puts his arm around him. Jimin startles slightly, Yoongi isn’t usually one for a lot of physical affection, but then he relaxes, slumping into Yoongi’s side as he feels the exhaustion of the night sweep over him.

“Yah, dumbass, just … take it easy ok? Try not to go all end of the world about it. It’s gonna seem like it’s the end of the world, when things don’t go your way with your first love, but I promise you it’s not.”

Jimin doesn't quite believe him. “But Taehyung –”

“Yes, I get it, the sun shines out of his ass, he’s perfect, blah blah blah. You don’t think everyone thinks that about their first loves?”

“Well, what about you, hyung?”

Yoongi retracts his arm, picking at the leg of his pants for a moment, and Jimin thinks he may have crossed a line. Instead, Yoongi clears his throat again.

“Yeah,” he says. “There was this guy, in the rap scene. I thought maybe … well, doesn’t matter what I thought. He’s dating this other guy now.”

Jimin can’t even cope with the story itself because he’s stuck on the pronouns. “Hyung! You’re … you’re gay too?”

Yoongi looks at him, a rare bout of eye contact. “Yeah. Well, bi actually. And, Jimin-ah, it’s really brave of you to tell me, we’ll–”

Jimin practically tackles Yoongi with how hard he hugs him. Yoongi raises his arms, coddling Jimin against him.

“Does your dad know?”

Yoongi just nods.

“And my mom?”

Yoongi nods again. “My dad is super protective of me. He had to know she was ok with it before they got married. So that’s super good news for you. I mean, she might still need some time to adjust, if she had this picture in her head of how your life would go. But they love you, they still will.”

Jimin squeezes his step brother tight, a few more tears in turn squeezing from beneath his eyelids, tightly shut.

Jimin pulls away, wiping at his face again. “I’m sorry about your guy, hyung.”

Yoongi shrugs. “It’s alright. We’re still friends. And I’m happy for him.”

Jimin tries to picture himself happy that Taehyung is with someone else. He can’t quite see it. But he guesses he most of all wants to make sure they’re always best friends.

They sneak back down to the kitchen for some more snacks and then fall asleep in the living room with an old horror movie playing. Jimin wakes up to the feeling of his mother’s hand carding through his hair, laughing at the both of them, but with a gentle, loving look. Jimin thinks everything might turn out okay.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Everything does not turn out okay, but it takes a while to get there. And the in between isn’t so bad, mostly. Jimin tries to take his talk with Yoongi to heart, endeavouring to imagine the possibilities he might hope for, instead of just the ones he’s afraid of.

And, it turns out, Taehyung doesn’t start dating Minho. When he and Jimin meet up the day after the party for their usual hungover meal of greasy western food at their favourite dive, Taehyung laughs off the question, one Jimin tried to ask as nonchalantly as he could.

“Minho? Nah, man, he’s cool. Not really my type, though.”

Jimin is dubious. “Seemed like your type when you were making out last night.”

Taehyung giggles. “Oh, you saw that?”

Jimin manages to keep his smile plastered on his face. “Kind of hard to miss.”

“That’s because you’re always watching me.”

Jimin’s smile falters. “What?”

Taehyung nudges Jimin’s knee under the table. “Not in a bad way. I’m always watching you too.”

Jimin feels uneasy still, but he can’t stop himself from asking what he really wants to know. “So, what, you like guys now? Or were you just like …”

Taehyung takes a big bite of his burger and chews as he waits for Jimin to finish.

“Like … experimenting?”

Jimin’s heart is in his throat while Taehyung chews and swallows. It’s probably ten seconds but Jimin could have sworn it was more like ten minutes.

“No, not experimenting,” Taehyung replies as he steals some of Jimin’s fries, his already eaten. “Honestly, I don’t think it matters to me.”

“It?”

“Guys, girls, you know, whatever. It’s about the person, you know, who they are inside. The outside doesn’t matter.”

Jimin processes this and Taehyung lets him. Taehyung is amazing like that. Even though he grew up in a relatively socially conservative family and, frankly, society, Taehyung is the most open minded person Jimin knows. He also seems to have no fear, where Jimin is the opposite, full of fear of everything, even himself. When Jimin had come out to Taehyung about a year after he figured it out himself, Taehyung had been the one to make Jimin feel better, to talk through his fears and reassure him about his future.

“That’s … cool,” Jimin finally says. “When did you figure that out?”

Taehyung laughs again and the sound is kind. “I don’t know. Right now, I guess? That’s … ok with you, right?” He suddenly sounds a little unsure and Jimin can’t stand it.

Jimin gets up and joins Taehyung on his side of the booth, wrapping his arm around him and knocking their heads together affectionately.

“Of course, you idiot. There’s nothing you could be or do that I wouldn't be ok with.”

Taehyung leans into him and Jimin rests his chin on his fuzzy mop of hair.

“Good,” Taehyung mumbles, reaching forward for the last bite of his burger, and talking around it so his words are adorably garbled. “Cause you’re never allowed to leave me.”

Jimin glows and tugs Taehyung tighter against his side, reaching across for his own fries. He knows that there’s nothing that would ever pull him from Taehyung’s side.

But time changes a lot of things. And your last year of high school can change everything.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Jimin tries to nudge things with Taehyung. He flirts and Taehyung flirts back, but they never tip over the edge. He takes him on what he thinks are dates but Taehyung never seems to clue in. Jimin even starts showering him with gifts, with what he can afford anyway: some decent paint brushes he finds in a second hand shop, and enough candy to satisfy even Taehyung’s indulgent sweet tooth.

Nothing seems to make much of a difference, but Jimin isn’t sure if it’s because nothing he does can actually faze Taehyung, or because their relationship was already insanely close, more intimate than he’s noticed any of their other friends are. They’ve just always been that way.

Taehyung dates less in their final year of school, but he doesn’t stop making out at parties. Jimin does his best to ignore it, and the encouragement Taehyung gives him to makeout with people of his own. But then he starts to wonder if maybe Taehyung doesn’t see him in a romantic light because Jimin has never shown him what he looks like in a romantic light. Never had a boyfriend, never really gone on dates, has only had one really poor excuse of a first kiss in the bathroom at a party with someone’s cousin visiting from out of town, the other boy desperate to not get caught and hopelessly in the closet.

So when Taehyung offers to set him up with a friend of a friend from a few towns over, Jimin says yes. They decide to meet up with him at a party. They both tell their parents that they’re staying over at each other’s house and Yoongi lets them borrow his old beat up car, sworn to silence and begrudgingly agreeing to cover for them if they get found out.

Jimin grins at Taehyung as they push the old car to its limits on the way to the party, Jimin doing his best to navigate as he laughs at all the faces Taehyung is making while singing along to the latest girl group song on the radio and driving. Jimin can’t stop checking Taehyung out from the corner of his eye. His style has gotten bolder as they entered their last year of highschool, the freedom of university calling their names, scant months away. Tonight he’s decked out in a pair of ripped jeans, just baggy enough to be stylish, while the loudly patterned silk shirt he has on top is undone enough buttons that Jimin has difficulty looking away.

But then Taehyung will make a funny face and scream-sing lyrics and Jimin has to full belly laugh, caught up in his sparkling eyes and the way the caramel of his hair looks against his tanned skin.

They’ve been spending a lot of time together recently, even more so than usual. University applications were due and Jimin had spent a lot of time helping Taehyung with his. They are determined to go to the same school, want to be roommates in first year. Jimin doesn’t have his heart set on any one school, but he wants to make sure Taehyung has the best shot to get into all of their first choices. Jimin’s grades are impeccable and his extracurriculars look great, so he isn’t worried for himself. Taehyung, on the other hand, needed a bit of help so Jimin helped him write some excellent essays and pick out his best art pieces.

Jimin had applied to one school that Taehyung hadn’t, but Jimin knew he would never go, even if accepted. He did it because his dad asked him to, a dance program in California that accepted a handful of international students per year. Even though he only sees him a couple of times a year when he visits home, Jimin is still really close with his dad. They talk every week and Jimin misses him like crazy. He’s come to terms with his parents’ divorce, understanding that they’re better apart, and that it hadn’t been about him. His parents seem relatively happy now, and he’s happy for them. Occasionally he’ll let himself fantasize about actually going to university in California, sunny skies and beautiful people, and all the time with his dad he could want. But he’ll shake himself out of it pretty quickly. He could never leave Taehyung.

He’s broken out of his train of thought by Taehyung asking him to take the wheel while he shoves his hand deep in his pocket for a “present” for Jimin. Jimin laughs but obliges, briefly taking the wheel on the stretch of highway before sitting back. He’s speechless when Taehyung simply shoves several condoms into his hands, staring down at them.

“Huh?”

Taehyung grins and winks at him. “For tonight, you know, in case you hit it off, but not like, in the I-want-to-spend-the-rest-my-life-with-him kind of way, just in the I-want-to-spend-the-night-with-him kind of way.

“Taeee,” Jimin whines. They had been talking more about sex lately. Mostly Jimin had been whining about his lack of it and how he didn’t want to go to university a virgin. Partly Jimin had been hoping to prompt Taehyung into thinking about him in a not-friend way but really he thinks he mostly comes off as pathetic in their conversations given Taehyung’s experience and his lack of same.

It’s not that Jimin isn’t willing to just take the plunge already but part of him is probably holding off subconsciously, wanting his first time to be something special, to maybe even be with someone he loves, someone like … well, Taehyung, if he’s being totally honest with himself. He knows it’s a pipe dream. And he’s also shy, can’t imagine having sex with a stranger, like Taehyung has on multiple occasions.

The last time they had talked about it, just a few days before the party, laid out in Taehyung’s room with snacks and manga sprawled everywhere, Taehyung had coaxed a little more honesty out of Jimin.

“You know, if you want to wait for your first time to be with someone, you know, special, someone you really trust, that’s ok, right? You don’t have to lose it before uni. Virginity is a social construct anyways.”

Is it? thinks Jimin. He guesses so. But still, there must be some significance to the act, some kind of before and after, even if he gets to define what that is for himself.

“What was your first time like?” Jimin asks. He doesn’t usually ask for a ton of detail when it comes to Taehyung’s love life. Too painful. And Taehyung is as gentlemanly as they come for someone who gets around, all coy and teasing rather than dishing dirty details.

“Oh man,” Taehyung groans. “So awkward. No idea what I was doing. Neither did she. I barely came, pretty sure she didn’t. I’m telling you, man, I think even if it was with, like, the love of your life, your first time is probably going to be pretty mediocre. Practice makes perfect and all that.”

Jimin blows out a breath, making his bangs swing away from his eyes. He rolls over to his stomach and looks at Taehyung, who looks up from his book.

“So what you’re saying is it’s going to be awful either way so just get it over with and get to the getting good part?”

Taehyung laughs, throwing the book aside and crawling over on his elbows to lay half on top of Jimin on the bed. “No, you schmuck. It’s still sex. It’s still exciting and fun. I’m just saying, you can wait if you want to, but if you’ve built up this fairy tale version in your head, it might not live up to it. We’re eighteen. No one knows what they’re doing. It’s not like porn, you know.”

“I know that!” Jimin says loudly, thinking, do I? “I guess I just haven’t met anyone I really wanted to with yet.” Except you.

“Well maybe this Jaehyun guy will be it. I mean maybe he’s someone you could date, but if you don’t hit it off that way …”

Jimin hits him with one of the pillows and that ends that conversation.

Except now he’s staring at a three pack of condoms and a travel pack of lube and frowning. He just grumbles and elbows Taehyung in the side, causing him to swerve slightly on the road. He sticks everything in his pocket, checking to make sure it’s not visible to the naked eye and then deciding to promptly forget about it. Tonight is just about having fun, and maybe trying to make Taehyung see him in a new light, not for life changing events.

When they get to the party, it’s already in full swing and Jimin feels his nerves spike. Taehyung does well in crowds of people, even when they barely know anyone, but Jimin still has the instinct to run and hide, worried about what people will think of him and what he’ll say. He tends to stick by Taehyung’s side, just basking in his glow and watching people size him up as the best friend, before feeling comfortable enough to branch out on his own.

Tonight he decides to just get drunk to deal with the nerves. Taehyung goes to drop off his overnight bag somewhere safe, and then joins Jimin in the kitchen where they drink several dubious cups of whatever alcoholic mixture the college students in the kitchen are doling out. Jimin feels buzzed by the time they make it to the living room, which is packed with bodies, a mix of high school and college students, a lot of them drunk, and many of them dancing along to the music pounding out from a couple of speakers set up by the sliding glass doors to the backyard.

“Shall we dance?” Taehyung whisper-yells in his ear. “Get you all worked up for your date?” Taehyung waggles his thick eyebrows at Jimin and he pushes him on the shoulder playfully, a blush raising up his neck.

He follows Taehyung onto the dance floor and they dance, teasingly at first, with exaggerated movements and funny faces, and then more seriously as they get into the music, Jimin letting the beat drive his movements, the alcohol in his system taking over his insecurities of being in a crowd of people he doesn’t know. He has Taehyung at his side, dancing with him, and that’s all he needs.

He can tell they’re drawing attention and he’s not surprised. Taehyung looks super hot and he doesn’t have a self conscious bone in his body, moving from silly facial expressions and exaggerated movement to smoothly sexy in a flash. It takes Jimin’s breath away and it makes sense that other people at the party are noticing him. Jimin would notice him too, if it were him. Jimin wonders what it would be like if he met Taehyung like this instead; older, at a party, a bit of alcohol to blunt the edge of his nerves. Jimin dismisses the thought. He could never go up to someone like Taehyung. He’d never have the confidence.

Eventually, Taehyung lifts a hand and calls to someone across the crowd. A guy that must be the party thrower starts sifting through the crowd, a taller guy with a small smile on his face trailing after. Jimin gulps. That must be the guy, his guy. He’s good looking, and even just his height has Jimin feeling a little better about things. The tall boy is dressed casually, and Jimin’s glad he only let Taehyung put a little bit of mascara on himself, to accentuate his eyes.

“Hyunwoo! Great party, man! Thanks for letting us crash tonight.”

“Of course, my friend! Hope you two will find lots to entertain yourselves.” Hyunwoo grins and Taehyung grins back. Jimin smiles shyly and Hyunwoo shifts to the side, letting his friend slide into their small circle, still in the middle of the dance floor.

“This is Jaehyun, he’s um, a good buddy.”

Jaehyun nods at Taehyung and Jimin, and Taehyung nudges Jimin forward a little.

“Hi Jaehyun, I’m Taehyung, and this is Jimin, and what a coincidence, he’s my good buddy.”

“Hi, Jimin.”

Jimin feels shy but also sort of happy. He likes the way the other boy says his name. He’s just buzzed enough that he feels an easy smile come to his lips.

“Hi,” he says back and then downs the rest of his drink. “Want to get me a drink?”

Jaehyun grins and Taehyung whistles low. Jimin laughs and boldly grabs Jaehyun’s hand, pulling him toward the kitchen and then procuring them both a drink.

They drift off to the doors open to the backyard, making small talk about school and friends, and who knows who. They end up sitting on the swings outside, watching the party goers and their drunken antics. Jimin sips his drink slowly, not wanting to get too drunk now that his nerves have been pleasantly blunted, and he’s happy when he sees Jaehyun do the same. Jaehyun is tall, and handsome, and he’s being really nice to Jimin, paying him lots of attention and even pretending like he’s not a little bored. Jimin’s a little bored too, but occasionally he’ll see Taehyung poke his head out to check on them and he likes the idea of the picture they make. He’s being flirted with, and complimented, and he wonders what Taehyung is thinking.

It’s getting late, the party starting to thin out a bit by the time Jaehyun really surprises him. He reaches over, his empty glass now sitting in the grass, and pulls the chain of Jimin’s swing so they collide together. Jimin giggles, surprised, and looks up. Jaehyun captures his lips before he can really register what’s happening. Jimin quickly closes his eyes, his heart thumping faster. It’s not bad. It’s good, even. Jaehyun clearly knows what he’s doing and Jimin lets himself get lost in it, the first good kiss he’s ever had. Not really what he wants, but good enough, for now.

Jaehyun pulls back and runs a hand through Jimin’s hair, stopping to cup his face. His hands are big. Jimin keeps his eyes closed and for a second he can pretend it’s Taehyung. His hands are big, too.

But then he opens his eyes and Jaehyun says, “Want to see where Hyunwoo’s got you set up tonight? Get settled in?”

Jimin knows what he’s asking. “Ok,” he whispers and Jaehyun grabs his hand, pulling him up and into the house. He doesn’t see Taehyung as they wander through the house, bodies here or there where people have passed out, a racus game of beer pong still happening in the kitchen.

Jaehyun leads him back further into the house, down a long hallway. They step into a bedroom, dark except for a light on in the en suite bathroom. Jimin takes a few steps in, his palms suddenly going sweaty from nerves. He thinks he wants this. Does he?

Jaehyun closes the door behind him and then watches Jimin for a few seconds. He rubs the back of his neck with his hand and Jimin wonders if he’s nervous too.

“Um, there’s towels in the bathroom, Hyunwoo said. And um, well you and your friend can crash in here if you want. Or um, he can bunk with Hyunwoo … um, if …”

Jimin steps forward, grasping onto Jaehyun’s shirt and pulling him down into a sloppy kiss, surprising both of them. Jimin feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and he doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Jaehyun takes control after his initial surprise, leading Jimin back towards the bed and breaking their kiss eventually to kiss his way down Jimin’s neck. Jimin gasps air in like he hasn’t been able to breathe.

His eyes widen when he sees the bedroom door tip open. Jimin pushes Jaehyun a little, getting him to look up in confusion, and then back towards the door as it creaks open further.

“Shit, sorry!” It’s Taehyung’s voice and a second later his head pops in. “Sorry, guys. Just grabbing my bag.”

A jolt goes through Jimin’s body when Taehyung’s eyes meet his briefly. They’re not in as precarious a position as they could’ve been if Taehyung had appeared even a few minutes later, but still, a blush rushes up Jimin’s chest and neck and sets his cheeks aflame. This is what he wanted, after all, isn’t it? For Taehyung to see him this way, with someone else, maybe even get a little jealous.

Except Taehyung doesn’t look jealous. He simply grabs the bag that Jimin now sees is resting right by the door. He looks at Jimin, winks, and then sends a salute to them both before he’s back out of the door, closing it firmly behind him.

Jaehyun walks over and locks it, turning around with a smile. “Seems like a good friend.”

Jimin is in a daze, not sure what he should be thinking or feeling. “Yeah,” he says slowly, as Jaehyun walks back over to him, taking Jimin’s chin in his hand and tilting it up to look up at him. “He’s the best.” Jaehyun captures his lips again and for a while Jimin floats. He lets Jaehyun push him back on the bed.

Lets him kiss down his chest, stretching out the collar of his shirt before taking it off, mussing up Jimin’s hair and then continuing down until he’s sucking dark marks into his abdominon. Jimin knows he must be making encouraging noises, because Jaehyun smiles every once in a while against his skin.

Jimin closes his eyes. This isn’t bad at all. It’s nice, kind of. He tries to shut his brain off, tries to concentrate on the feeling of lips against his skin, the part-pain, part-pleasure of tongue and teeth, the way Taehyung’s long fingers feel grasping at his hips through his jeans. Jimin grabs the sheets by his side and uses his other hand to grasp at Taehyung’s long curly strands, encouraging him further down. But his hair feels wrong, too short, not soft enough …

Jimin sits up abruptly and accidentally knocks Jaehyun hard in the head with his chest. Jaehyun. It’s Jaehyun. It’s Jaehyun rubbing at his nose, asking him what’s wrong, looking worried and a little bit annoyed.

It takes Jimin all too long to say something. His body has gone cold and he wants nothing more than to be anywhere but here. He can’t do this.

“I can’t do this,” he ends up saying. “I’m sorry.”

Jaehyun stares at him for a second, still cupping his nose. He sighs.

“Alright,” he says, “I’m not gonna try to convince you.” He gets up from the bed. “I’m just gonna … go take care of this.” He gestures down to where his erection is obvious in his pants before hopping off the bed and heading towards the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

“What the fuck?” Jimin whispers. Is he really going to jerk off in the bathroom with Jimin right there? Suddenly he’s very glad he decided not to go through with it.

Should he leave? If he does, he knows he’ll have to explain to Taehyung, will have to make something up about why he couldn’t go through with it. He’s so tired of being the blushing virgin to Taehyung’s casanova, and he’s also embarrassed; he’s so in love with his best friend that he can’t even get a blow job from someone else.

He can’t stand the thought of something so humiliating, so he just burrows under the blankets on the far side of the bed. He thinks he hears some sounds from the bathroom so he throws his pillow over his head and squeezes his eyes shut like that will suddenly make him fall asleep when his mind is racing.

Instead, he pretends to be asleep when he hears Jaehyun finally open the bathroom door. He stays still, keeping his breathing even. If Jaehyun goes back out to the party, he knows his cover will be blown but he can’t stand to say anything. To his surprise, he hears him yawn instead, an obnoxiously loud one, before he lays down on the bed beside Jimin and proceeds to play some game on his phone.

Jimin lays there, awake, while pretending to be asleep for at least a half an hour before Jaehyun finally puts down his phone and drops off, snoring loudly. Jimin shifts finally, trying to get comfortable. He barely sleeps the whole night. He wakes up in the early morning, hearing birds chirping through the window. He shifts, jeans stiff and uncomfortable after having slept in them all night. He moves as quietly out of the bed as he can, grabbing his shirt off the floor and putting it back on.

He sneaks one glance at Jaehyun as he’s sneaking out, his mouth open and hair mussed in sleep. He wonders what he’ll tell his friend.

He heads out to the main space of the house, stepping around a few people passed out here and there on the floor and avoiding a few spots sticky from spilled drinks. Jimin wonders for a minute how he’s going to find where Taehyung has made camp but he’s relieved when he spots him on the couch in the living room, using a throw for warmth. Jimin stands for a minute just watching him, his face beautiful even in drunken repose. Jimin wonders what it would have felt like to wake up beside him instead of Jaehyun.

He shakes his head, rubbing at one eye before deciding to just get this over with. He doesn’t want to wait until people start to wake up, his embarrassment too urgent.

He kneels beside Taehyung on the couch and cards his fingers through Taehyung’s hair, smoothing where it’s sticking up. Taehyung only grumbles and then leans into Jimin’s touch slightly. Jimin sighs, smiles fondly for a few moments, soaking in the calm feeling before he grabs Taehyung’s shoulder and shakes him gently.

Taehyung hums and then opens one eye, smiling sleepily at Jimin above him before his second eye pops open and he sits up a little quickly.

“Jimin? What’s wrong? What time is it?”

“Shhh,” Jimin says softly, not wanting to wake any of the other party goers. “It’s seven. Everything’s ok. I kind of just want to get on the road. Don’t want our parents to catch on. You can sleep in the car, I’ll drive.”

Jimin doesn’t get off that easily, however. Taehyung yawns as he carefully scans Jimin’s face. “Sneaking out at the crack of dawn? Was it that bad?”

Jimin shakes his head. “It … it was fine.”

“Fine,” Taehyung says incredulously, one eyebrow lifting.

“It was nice,” Jimin says, desperately trying to think of a way out of this conversation.

“Nice,” Taehyung parrots back at him, his brow settling down in concern.

Taehyung suddenly springs up. “Where is that asshole?”

Jimin tugs desperately on his arm and thankfully Taehyung is tired and hungover enough that he weakly topples over with Jimin on to the couch. Jimin wraps his arms around him to keep him there.

“Tae, no. Nothing like that. It just … it didn’t …” Jimin doesn’t know what to say. He can’t stand to explicitly lie to his best friend, but he also can’t bear the idea of admitting to not being able to go through with it, especially considering why.

“I feel like it didn’t really count.” Somewhere between the truth and a lie.

Taehyung turns his full attention to Jimin then, forgetting about the fight to stand up.

“Jimin-ah. You promise you’re ok?’

Jimin takes a deep breath. “I promise.”

Taehyung squeezes him tight, wrapping him up in the blanket with him. “Then of course it doesn’t have to count. Only you decide what that means. And anything you decide, that’s enough for me.”

Jimin nods and burrows his face in Taehyung’s neck, breathing in his scent deeply. They leave soon after and Jimin keeps his promise to drive while Taehyung sleeps off his hangover in the passenger seat.

Jimin doesn’t know what comes next, but at least he knows Taehyung will always be by his side, one way or another.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Something shifts after that, for Jimin. It could have to do with his experience that night. It could be that their graduation approaches, a mere few months away. He and Taehyung have started mapping out their strategy for scoring a room together in their preferred dormitory. His mother has been fretting over him, exclaiming with him as the acceptance letters have been rolling in. Taehyung and he had settled on a school as their first choice and they’re just waiting for Taehyung to get his result. Jimin had gotten early acceptance.

Everything seems to be ending, and then beginning anew. It’s a whirlwind of change and choices and Jimin feels a little reckless. A lot reckless as it turns out.

It’s on the night of another party, Junseo’s yearly blow out bash to celebrate the end of the school year, that Taehyung comments on it. Jimin goes all out with his outfit, deciding to wear some clothes he had bought in anticipation of next year, giddy and thinking about going out at university. He plasters the skin tight pants on, admiring the way they hug the curve of his ass and snip in his waist. He still has a bit of his baby fat on his face, but the years of dancing had helped to shed the chubbiness from his body. He’s still pretty self conscious, but he thinks he looks good tonight. He decides to wear a simple shirt on top, tucked in with a couple of buttons undone. He had been able to convince his mother recently to let him get an undercut and he slicks his longer hair back on top.

Taehyung comes over to do his makeup and whistles cheekily when he sees Jimin. He teases him about his outfit, Jimin blushing and preening. Jimin decides something in that moment. He’s going to pretend to be someone else that night. Someone who’s not afraid.

So he flirts as Taehyung does his makeup, looking up at his friend’s face, already done. Taehyung has pressed some glitter across his own lids and it brings out the caramel highlights of his hair, the ways his eyes sparkle with wit.

“So what’s got you looking so carefree and sexy this evening, my Jiminie?” Taehyung asks. Jimin’s eyes are open wide, tilted up so Taehyung can glide mascara on his lashes. Jimin is seated on the counter in his bathroom, Taehyung slotted between his legs, dressed in a pair of baggy pants and a bright silk shirt, collar wide to show off the delicacy of his collar bones.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Jimin flirts. “Maybe I’m trying to get someone’s attention.”

Taehyung pauses, searching Jimin’s face and then waggling his eyebrows, a grin on his face. Jimin giggles.

“Keep your secrets then, dear sir,” Taehyung replies, putting on an old timey voice. He spins to pick up a packet of eyeshadow. “Now close your eyes, you sexy scallywag.”

Jimin giggles again, closing his eyes, feeling the soft velvet of the brush on his lids. He leans into the feeling of freedom, of being someone he’s always afraid to be.

“Think of it, Taehyung-ie. This time next year we’ll be in university together. New classes, new people. We could be totally new people too.”

He hears the deep rumble of Taehyung’s laugh. “We may change, but we’ll always be us. I’m counting on it. There, done! Open your eyes.”

Jimin looks up at Taehyung’s shining face and thinks he’ll always remember this moment. Little does he know that the rest of the night will blast the moment from his mind, eclipsed, to him at least.

When they get to the party, it’s already in full swing, schools of eighteen year olds scattered around the house, some already drunk, others just getting started. Taehyung and Jimin get drinks together and spend a good hour in the corner of the kitchen, getting giddier and giddier, talking to one another but also incorporating friends as they filter in and out.

They lose each other for part of the evening, the house filled with friends, and the drinks helping Jimin feel easier than he would have otherwise. By the time they collide together again it is much later, in the living room, thick with bodies dancing together, a set of huge speakers set up in the main space.

They literally bump into each other, Taehyung executing a wild dance move and Jimin only avoiding falling over by turning and grasping at his shoulders. They both exclaim in happiness and laugh. Jimin’s hair keeps falling forward, his hairspray not quite doing the trick, and Taehyung’s shirt has fallen wide so that it hardly hangs onto one shoulder.

They start moving together as they dance and Jimin lets himself lean into it like he never has before. He promised himself he would be without fear tonight, so instead of shying away, he pulls Taehyung closer, letting their bodies line up as they move. Usually Jimin wouldn’t be so bold, his nerves getting the better of him, too terrified that he would give something away, with a look, with a touch. Tonight he lets himself look, he lets himself touch. And Taehyung doesn’t flinch. Maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe he’s truly oblivious, because Taehyung doesn’t move away, or look weirdly at Jimin. Rather, he follows his lead, letting their bodies touch from their thighs to their shoulders.

The friction of their bodies as they dance is exciting and Jimin lets it spur him on. He reaches up to wrap his arms around Taehyung’s neck, bringing their gazes together. Taehyung’s eyes locked on his while every inch of their bodies touch sends a jolt of electricity through Jimin’s whole body.

He lets himself lean forward until his lips are at the curve of Taehyung’s ear. “Having fun?” he asks, his voice breathy.

Taehyung pulls back, smiling. “Of course, my dear Jimin-ah. And you? Did you get the attention you had set your cap on?”

Jimin blinks. Taehyung is teasing him. Of course he is. He doesn’t feel the heat that Jimin does. He’s such a fool.

“No,” Jimin answers honestly. “I’m afraid I’m not memorable enough.”

Taehyung frowns. “Impossible.”

Jimin laughs, bitter. “Very possible. Unavoidable, really.”

Taehyung stills his body, the music and pulsing crowd around them forgotten, now just holding Jimin in his arms. Jimin feels trapped.

“Is this about that night? With that idiot? I thought we agreed that it didn't count. You are amazing, Jimin-ah. You could have anybody.”

Jimin, stupidly, feels tears well up in his eyes. Because it’s so not true. He can’t have the one person he wants more than anything.

“Maybe I want something to count. Something.”

Taehyung stares at him, a little bit of alarm making its way to his eyes. “Come on,” he says, grabbing Jimin’s hand and dragging him toward the kitchen. “This calls for shots.”

So Taehyung tries to cheer him up with shots and Jimin drowns his sorrow. The next few hours are a bit of a blur, too many drinks and even a dip in the pool fully clothed. Jimin finds himself several hours later, giggling with Taehyung as they steal towels from the upstairs bathroom, before someone yells at them and they run down the stairs, dripping all the way until they reach the basement, shutting the door and turning on the light to find a half-finished room, complete with a musty couch and several bean bag chairs.

They’re laughing uncontrollably by the time they tumble into the room. Taehyung lays his towel down on the floor and then collapses onto it, watching as Jimin tries to keep standing as he laughs.

“See, Jimin-ah, I’ve already managed to cheer you up.”

Jimin giggles and then joins Taehyung on his towel, using his own to rub at Taehyung’s head like a puppy.

“I can never be sad when you’re with me.”

“Hmm,” Taehyung hums, leaning into Jimin’s side. “That’s not true. I can tell, you know. That you’re sad, sometimes.”

Jimin stills beside him.

“And I know you’ll tell me about it, when you’re ready.”

Jimin shifts towards Taehyung, until they’re looking at each other, features laid bare from the water. Jimin tries to remember his promise to not be scared, not tonight.

Jimin doesn’t know what bravery he dredges up from the depths of his heart, but he manages to say, “I want something to count,” before he leans forward and kisses Taehyung.

Taehyung stiffens when their lips meet but then he softens. Jimin pulls back, needing to see his reaction, needing to get it over with. Taehyung looks surprised, but his eyes are racing over Jimin’s face, trying to ascertain some meaning, perhaps. Jimin lets his face show as much as he can.

In the end, Taehyung must see something there, because he leans forward, reaching with both hands to grasp at Jimin’s face before meeting his lips again. Jimin gasps into his mouth, unbelieving, overwhelmed.

Jimin feels his body burst into flames as they kiss, and he knows it’s partly the alcohol in his system making him a little lightheaded and the situation a tad surreal, but he can’t help the feeling that this could very well be a dream. It could all be his imagination, but he doesn’t care. Taehyung is kissing him with passion and care, and Jimin says goodbye to his fear.

Their lips tangle and Jimin can barely catch his breath. They grasp at each other shirts, wet and pasted to their bodies. When Taehyung’s tongue swipes at the seam of his lips, he shivers, but gladly grants him entrance, a small moan escaping his throat as he does.

It happens in a whirlwind. They peel the wet shirts from each other’s bodies, mindless of the faint noise of the party trickling down the stairs. Anyone could come down, but they may as well be in another dimension entirely as far as Jimin is concerned. Nothing could ruin this, no force on earth could entreat him to stop.

Jimin can’t believe it’s happening, and yet his body seems to know and take every moment in stride, kissing down Taehyung’s neck, licking up every drop of water that drips from his still wet hair, sucking a dark mark into the apex where his neck meets his shoulder. Taehyung lets out a sound that prompts Jimin to find his mouth again and swallow it, pushing on his bare shoulders until his back is set against the couch, Jimin clambering into his lap.

Taehyung’s hands, large and soft, grasp at Jimin’s waist and Jimin gasps at the feeling, his mouth opening beneath Taehyung’s, feeling dizzy from all the love he can feel bubbling from his head to his toes. Taehyung is hard beneath him and Jimin is already there, so turned on he can barely think straight. He’s never felt this way and it blasts any caution out of him. He’s finally getting what he wants and he won’t back down.

Eventually Jimin stands, pulling Taehyung up with him by the hands. Taehyung tugs his hands from Jimin’s grasp, only to fumble at Jimin’s button and zipper. He peels the wet pants down Jimin’s legs with some effort until they get stuck at his ankles because Jimin is zoned out. He can’t stop staring down at Taehyung, half naked and undressing him, until he gives him a lopsided grin and taps at his leg. Jimin lifts his feet one by one, allowing Taehyung to finally remove the pants from his body. Jimin kind of forgot he chose not to wear underwear under his tight pants, but he’s starkly reminded at the sight of his own cock, flushed and pink.

A hint of self-consciousness seeps in, but Taehyung simply stands, pulling down his own trousers and briefs. Jimin blushes further, taking in his best friend’s body, soft and lean at the same time, long limbs covered in golden skin. Jimin’s eyes widen at the size of Taehyung’s endowment, before snapping his gaze back up to his face. Taehyung is searching his face carefully, before reaching forward to sweep his hands through Jimin’s wet hair, back from his face. His hand reaches Jimin’s neck and he pulls him forward, not kissing him, but hovering over Jimin’s lips with his own, their bodies a mere inch apart, the air between them crackling with electricity.

“What do you want?” Taehyung asks. Jimin feels it against his lips as much as he hears it.

“You,” Jimin replies breathily, and he closes the distance between them. At first their lips collide, but as their bodies meet and slide together, Jimin moans, his head tilting back. Taehyung kisses down his neck, pulling them both back, toppling onto the couch until they are entwined lengthwise across it, pressing against each other, becoming more frantic as they move.

Jimin is lost in it, lost in Taehyung, caught up in the taste of his skin as he moves his mouth down his body, teasing at his nipples and licking down his stomach, feeling the soft give and biting gently at his hip. He looks up briefly to see Taehyung watching him and he must see a question on Jimin’s face because he nods eagerly.

Jimin swoops down and begins to kiss at Taehyung’s length, all nervousness blown away by his own want. He’s never felt like this and it moves his mouth, his tongue, his hands, until he’s swallowing Taehyung down, pleasantly surprised at how purely pleasurable it is for himself, the feel and taste, the weight of it in his mouth, hard to encompass without true effort, and most of all, the sounds Taehyung is making, the way his hips move to bury himself deeper in Jimin’s mouth, his hands in Jimin’s hair, pulling and caressing in equal turns.

Jimin looks up and sees that Taehyung is staring down at him, eyes blown wide, and a feeling of satisfaction, of being seen, floods him. He closes his own eyes and takes Taehyung further into his mouth, unrelenting until Taehyung calls his name and pulls at his hair, trying to warn before Jimin’s mouth fills with his release. Jimin swallows it down more out of surprise than anything else.

Taehyung pulls him up quickly, kissing him passionately, and Jimin can’t help rutting himself against Taehyung’s stomach, so worked up he feels like he’ll come from a few more movements, before he feels one of Taehyung’s hands wrap around him, the other grasping hard at his ass, a few of his long fingers barely grazing between his cheeks. It only takes a couple of pumps, made more intense by the way Taehyung’s other hand encourages him to move with him, before he’s gasping into Taehyung’s mouth, coming across his stomach, a feeling so pure and bright he can barely believe he hasn’t passed out before he calms down, his face tucked into Taehyung’s neck, his hand curled tightly in his hair.

The sounds of the party upstairs slowly register in his senses and Jimin lifts his head, looking up at Taehyung, who is petting his hair gently. Taehyung looks down at him fondly, winking and kissing his nose briefly. Jimin blinks slowly, still not sure if this had happened. That Taehyung really wanted him.

“Sleepy?” Taehyung asks softly. Jimin simply nods and Taehyung wipes them both off with one of their towels before dragging a blanket off the back of the couch, tucking it in extra tight and making Jimin giggle sleepily. They fall asleep like that, warm and stuck together tightly. Jimin couldn’t be any happier.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

He wakes up cold. The blanket wrapped around him is thin and there’s no body heat left to keep him warm. He opens his eyes slowly, feeling a headache aching at his temples. Low morning light is filtering into the basement through a few small, high set windows, although most of the room is set in darkness. It’s quiet, except for a few sounds of someone moving around upstairs.

Jimin lifts his head, seeing that he’s still naked. He wonders where Taehyung is, has a quick stab of fear that he freaked out and left, but no, on the floor nearby is his phone. Jimin sits up, rubbing at his head, wondering if last night was nothing but a drunken fantasy. He knows, though, from the feeling of jello in his legs and the way his jaw aches slightly that it happened. He feels warmth flood his chest. He did it. He kissed Taehyung, and he hadn’t been rejected.

He pulls on his clothes, still a little wet, wincing at the feeling, but nothing enough to dampen the joy in his heart. He wonders whether he should head up or wait for Taehyung to come back down. Ultimately, the fullness of his bladder and his desperate need for a cup of coffee forces him up the stairs. The door is ajar at the top and he’s about to push through when he hears his name. He pauses. It’s Taehyung talking to someone in the kitchen, Junseo, he thinks from the voice.

“So you and Jimin have a good time?”

“Ugh, don’t talk so loud, my head can’t handle it until that coffee is ready. If that tells you how much fun we had.”

Junseo laughs. “Sounds like a good time. Although that hickey on your neck is also telling.”

Jimin hears Taehyung laugh, but the sound is fond, not mean. Still, he doesn’t fancy his first post-coital interaction with Taehyung to be in front of someone else, so he stays put.

“Yeah. Guess I’ll need to use some strategic clothing choices for school on Monday.”

“I’m surprised you guys haven’t hooked up before now. Unless this isn’t the first time?”

“What? No, yeah, first time. You thought we had before?”

He hears Junseo scoff. “Everyone did. You two are … really close. Like no one else is even in the room when you’re together. It’s cool that you guys finally got together.”

He hears Taehyung laugh and this time Jimin doesn’t like the sound. “We’re not together.”

Jimin feels his heart sink into his stomach.

“Oh? Just a drunken fling then?”

The pause is unbearable. Jimin goes cold from head to toe.

“No, I mean, sure, yeah, we weren’t exactly sober. I don’t know. It just felt like … he needed somebody. He hasn’t had the best luck with … I was just being a good friend.”

A good friend. A good friend. It echoes in Jimin’s head. He walks back down the stairs, wraps himself back in the blanket on the couch, staring blankly.

A good friend.

It must only be a few minutes but it feels like forever. Eventually he hears soft steps coming down the stairs and Taehyung comes into view, carefully balancing two cups of steaming coffee. He sits down beside Jimin with a little bounce, spilling a bit of coffee and then laughing, handing one over to Jimin so he can wipe at the stain on his shirt.

Jimin takes a sip of the coffee, letting it burn his tongue. He feels numb, but he plasters a smile on his face. He pictures armour wrapping itself around his heart.

“Thanks,” he says, in reference to the coffee. “My head thanks you too.”

Taehyung groans in commiseration. “Tell me about it,” he replies.

There's silence then, unlike them. They rarely have a lull in conversation, and never one as awkward as this one is. Jimin knows if he hadn’t overheard the conversation in the kitchen it would be much worse. No doubt he would have been brimming with excitement, ready to blurt out some exclamation that would lead to a much more full humiliation than the one he’s experiencing now.

“Look–” “Hey–”

They attempt to speak simultaneously.

“You go,” Jimin says quickly.

Taehyung shifts so he’s facing Jimin head on. Reluctantly, Jimin turns to match him. Taehyung’s face is kind but slightly worried.

“Was … was last night ok?”

Jimin feels alarmed. Despite the crushing disappointment he feels in his chest, he can’t stand to think that Taehyung thought what he did last night was wrong. It was Jimin who had wanted it, Jimin who hadn’t been clear in his intentions, who had dove headfirst into something without thinking how it would look from the other side. And Taehyung was just trying to be a good friend. It’s not his fault that how pitiful Jimin is had prompted him to try to comfort him.

“Yeah,” Jimin manages to splutter, “Of course it was. It was … great. I’m sorry if you felt like you had to –”

“No,” Taehyung interrupts, reaching out to grab Jimin’s arm. “No, I know I didn’t have to.”

Jimin feels his humiliation, deep and desperate, and yet he also has to know one thing.

“And for you? It was ok? I wasn’t some super bumbling amateur …”

Taehyung laughs, but again, it’s not unkind. Taehyung is never unkind. “It was good, Jimin-ah. Really good. I anticipate many a torrid love affair in your future.” He grins and Jimin manages a small smile in return, even as his heart is breaking in his chest.

They drink their coffee and talk turns to other things. Jimin just wants to go home. As they’re heading upstairs, ready to beg a drive home from anyone who is awake at this point, Taehyung swings around partway up the stairs.

He smiles down at Jimin, even though Jimin thinks he sees something sad in his eyes.

“This one counted then?” he asks.

Jimin takes a deep breath, glad for the shadows in the stairwell.

“Yes, it counted.”

Taehyung takes his hand and they head up the stairs.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Things go back to normal. Jimin ensures they do. All his energy is devoted to making sure he acts no differently than before the party. He sees Taehyung watching him warily once or twice but Jimin puts so much into making sure he remains as light hearted and adoring and involved as he did before and within a few weeks he can feel that any strangeness has departed.

Indeed, it breaks his heart how easily they return to normal. Like it never happened.

It takes all of his energy to keep the mask on with Taehyung, the person who knows him the best in the world, and so all the rest of his time is spent in bed. He misses a few dance classes but can’t bring himself to care. His mother is concerned, his step-father stopping by his room to try to tempt him with junk food and his favourite movies. He knows he’s worrying them, but he can’t bring himself to pretend at home.

He has never felt worse in his life. He feels a weight pressing down on him at all times, heavy and inescapable. It gets worse as the last semester goes on. As projects get submitted, and yearbooks passed out, as all of their friends start to finalise their plans for university.

Jimin finally breaks the day that Taehyung gets his acceptance to their number one choice of school. Jimin puts on his best performance yet on the call, Taehyung’s voice loud and excited on the other side, ecstatic that their future as roommates is now all but secured, already making plans about what their university life will look like. As Jimin hangs up, he feels a deep dread overwhelm all of his senses.

Yoongi finds him a crying mess on the floor of the bathroom that adjoins their two rooms, trying to muffle his sobs in a hand towel.

“What did I tell you about the end of the world stuff?” Yoongi says.

He drags Jimin back to his room, allowing him to sprawl on his bed, even joining him, both of them head to toe as Jimin stares up at the ceiling, wiping away tears as they appear, now silent.

They’re quiet for a while.

“I don’t know how I’m going to do it.”

“Do what?” Yoongi asks, voice calm. Jimin feels himself calming with him.

“Go to university. Be his roommate. See him date a whole new group of people. Just watch, while he lives his life and finds someone and … I don’t know how I can do it. The past few weeks alone have taken all I have.”

“The past few weeks? I thought you’ve been in love with him for years. What changed?”

Jimin worries at his lips with his fingers. He decides there’s no point in holding back. “We had sex. Well, everything but … you know. And it didn’t mean anything. To him. It meant everything to me and to him it was just … pity, just feeling sorry for a friend that was afraid to go to university inexperienced.”

“Shit,” Yoongi says, very eloquently.

“Yes, exactly, shit. And now every second I’m with him feels like I’m dying and I have to pretend I’m just as happy as ever. And four years of university. Do you know how many seconds that is? How will I survive it? How will I do it?”

They sit in silence again, because there are no answers. Both of them know what an impossible situation he’s in.

“What if you just didn’t?”

“Didn’t what?”

“Didn’t put yourself through that. You don’t deserve to go through what should be some of the best years of your life in … well in a situation like that. Why not accept the offer from that school in California? Stay with your dad. Get some distance. Maybe give yourself the chance to actually get over him.”

Jimin sits up, blinking widely. Could he do that?

“Move to America? That … that’s impossible. I would have to …”

“What? Speak English? Your English grades are practically perfect.”

“But the program is so strict, I would need to–”

“Be a good dancer? A hard worker? Jimin-ah, you’re already all those things. I know you just applied for the sake of your dad, but they accepted you, didn’t they? Didn’t you say that they only accept like five international students a year?”

“Yeah, but –”

“But what?”

“My mom.”

“Your mom will be so proud she’ll probably burst. And you can come home for holidays. You don’t even have to stay all four years. You can transfer after one or two if you really don’t like it, if you miss home.”

Jimin turns to face Yoongi where he still lays on the bed. He meets his eyes and suddenly a new future opens up in his head. One in which he could avoid the acute pain he’s been feeling. Where he could see what it’s like to be on his own. Where he could figure out who he might be without Taehyung constantly taking up so much of his thoughts and his heart.

But Jimin knows he would just be exchanging one type of pain for another. And how could he?

“I don’t know how I could leave him.”

Yoongi simply shakes his head in frustration.

“You don’t understand. We’ve planned this for so long. I’m his best friend.”

“And how good a friend are you going to be able to be if you’re suffering every second?” The words come out harsh and Jimin flinches from the truth of them.

He hangs his head. Yoongi softens and reaches out, taking Jimin’s hand in his.

“Just … think about it. You are not trapped in one future, Jimin-ah. You always have choices.”

Jimin nods, starfishing back on the bed and letting Yoongi’s company soothe him for a while.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Jimin changes his mind a million times over the next few weeks. He only has so much time and he’s worked himself practically sick before he finally makes a decision.

With the added torment, he hasn’t been able to do as good of a job acting normally around Taehyung. It comes to a head long before Jimin is ready.

He’s over at Taehyung’s one night, both of them studying for final exams, ones that seem extra pointless with their acceptances well in hand.

Jimin looks up and sees that Taehyung is staring at him, an incredulous look on his face.

“Huh?” Jimin asks.

Taehyung laughs. “You are really out of it. You’ve been staring at the same page for like twenty minutes.”

“Oh,” Jimin says, laughing uneasily. “Just tired I guess.”

Taehyung’s brows beetle down in concern, and then he seems to decide something, reaching over and snapping Jimin’s book shut.

“Hey!” Jimin cries.

Taehyung grabs him by the arms and pulls him up into a sitting position, so that their knees are touching on the bed.

“Alright, Jiminie, you’re going to tell me what’s going on with you.”

“What?” Jimin splutters. “What are you talking about?”

“Come on. You’re Jimin. I’m Taehyung. I know when something is wrong with my best friend.”

Jimin gulps and then takes a big breath. Taehyung squeezes his hands and waits. Finally, he takes the coward's way out and simply reaches into his backpack beside him on the bed, taking out a piece of paper and handing it to Taehyung.

He watches him read it with confusion flitting across his features. Taehyung looks up at Jimin, then looks back down at the paper.

“This is an acceptance. To UCLA.”

Taehyung looks up at Jimin, searching his face. Jimin can only nod once. Taehyung’s face shifts, going through what Jimin can only see as confusion, then upset, then a weird mix of sadness and something fiercer. Anger, maybe. Jimin feels his eyes tear up, everything suddenly becoming acutely real.

He feels a tear streak down his cheek and it seems to snap Taehyung out of his thoughts. He drops the paper and reaches for Jimin’s face, cupping the side of his head while his thumb wipes away any wetness.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok. Is this what’s been making you so worried lately? You want to go be with your dad and you couldn’t figure out how to tell me?”

Jimin nods, more tears spilling over his lids.

Taehyung shakes his head, even while he shushes the hitch in Jimin’s breath.

Taehyung pulls him forward into a full hug, letting Jimin cry against his chest as he sways him back and forth.

“Chim, it’s ok. It’s ok, really. I’m sad we won’t get to be together, I’ll miss you so much. But I want you to be happy. If you want to be with your dad, have an adventure, I want that too. Besides, you’ll come back for visits, right? Hell, I was gonna get a job somewhere, help my parents with tuition, but screw them, I’ll save up, come visit you in Cali. We’ll facetime all the time.”

Jimin can’t stop his crying now that it’s out there, and especially with Taehyung being so understanding. “I told you I’d never leave you,” he manages to spit out, between shaking inhales.

“Shhhh,” Taehyung croons into his ear. “You’re not leaving me. You’re having an adventure. I’ll be right here when you get back. And I want to hear about everything.”

Jimin sniffs, trying to pull himself together, leaning back and wiping at his face desperately.

“I was so scared to tell you. I don’t know why, you’re so … you’re so …”

Taehyung waggles his eyebrows. “Perfect? Amazing? The bestest best friend that ever existed? I know.” Taehyung punches Jimin in the shoulder. “I’m still gonna punish you later for waiting so long. I knew something was going on with you. Please don’t do that again. You scared me.”

“I’m sorry,” Jimin whispers. Taehyung just pulls him into another hug. Jimin feels a little better, other than the gut wrenching realisation that this is really real now.

“How am I going to do this without you?” Jimin asks, his voice small. He knows he doesn’t deserve to ask it, but he really never thought he would have to go through something so scary without his best friend.

“Hey,” Taehyung says, pulling back to look Jimin in the face. “You are going to be amazing. You already are.”

Jimin has never felt more uncertain, but he knows he has to do this. So he simply nods and lets himself lean into Taehyung’s warmth. He only has so long now.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Things are better once Jimin’s choice is out in the open. His dad is ecstatic, making all sorts of plans and arrangements for him. His mom is prouder than he’s ever seen her, getting teary every other day that her baby is all grown up.

Taehyung is the best, helping him practise his English and figure out his class registration. Jimin helps Taehyung apply for his dorm, and feels weird when he realises he really won’t be going there with him. All the kids at school think it’s cool that Jimin is going to an international school and he gets a sudden surge of popularity. Taehyung grins at him whenever he gets special attention.

They graduate and spend as much time together as they can. It’s the most bittersweet time Jimin has ever experienced, every day bringing him closer to leaving Taehyung, but also closer to perhaps some kind of relief from the constant longing in his chest.

The time flies by and before he knows it, he’s at the airport, trying to keep his heart from leaving his body via his throat. His mom is crying, being held by his step-dad, Yoongi awkwardly giving him a half hug, telling him he’s proud of him. Taehyung hugs him tightly, eyes shining when he pulls away.

“We’re going to talk so much you’re going to be even sicker of me over there,” Taehyung says.

Jimin shakes his head, laughing, with tears in his eyes. “I love you,” he says, meaning it in every sense of the world.

“I love you too, Chim,” Taehyung says and then pushes him off towards security. “Text me when you land!”

Jimin leaves, trying not to look back.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Taehyung

Hey, Jimin-ah! It’s been too long since our last call. Huge bummer that you can’t come back for Chuseok. Miss you, man. Let me know when you’re free! I know how busy your schedule is.

Chim, did you get my text?

Helllloooooooo, Jiminnnnnnnnnn, I know you’re busy but starting to get a little worried.

Jimin, seriously? Ok, I’m going full bad phone etiquette and just calling you.

Yes, I’m being that pathetic person and calling you thirty times. What is going on?

Jimin? I just talked to your mom and she said you’re fine, that she just got off the phone with you. What is going on? Why aren’t you talking to me?

Did I do something? I know we weren’t getting to talk as much as we liked but I thought we were doing ok.

Jimin. This isn’t ok. What the hell, man?

Taehyung

Yoongi-hyung, do you know what’s going on with Jimin? He won’t answer my texts. Did he mention he was mad at me for some reason?

Yoongi-hyung

No

Taehyung

He hasn’t answered me in like two months. Something isn’t ok.

Yoongi-hyung

I’ll talk to him

Taehyung

Great, thanks. Let me know

Hyung? Any news?

Yoongi-hyung? Did you talk to Jimin?

Yoongi-hyung

Yes

Taehyung

And?

Yoongi-hyung

Look, Taehyung-ah, I’m gonna put this as gently as I can. I think you need to let it go.

Taehyung

Let it go? Let what go?

Let Jimin go?

Yoongi-hyung

Yes

I’m here if you need to talk. I care about you. Don’t be a stranger, ok? Seriously, head over to my place anytime. I won’t have any answers, but I’m a good listener.

Taehyung

Can I come over now, hyung?

Yoongi-hyung

Yeah, Tae. Come on over. It’ll be ok.

Taehyung

Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧