Work Text:
Sanzu closed his eyes and tried to ignore the throbbing pain between his brows. He didn't know what time it was. Maybe past midnight. He didn't care. He couldn't sleep.
He walked out and went in the garden to feel the cold air against his face. The cold air made him realise that he was indeed alive. He was alive to feel these things.
But at the same time he felt hollow. He felt so guilty for feeling like that. He had a great family. He loved his mate. He loved his pack members and feeling like this made him think that he was being ungrateful to them. He tried to be happy and felt genuine happiness when he was with others until he was alone.
When he was alone he felt like he was drowning and whenever he tried to swim he realised he couldn't move at all. He felt lost in a dark water, the suffocating feeling always there and not really being there.
He started doing drugs which made him feel euphoric, just like the time when he realised his love for his mate. But the after effect of drugs were worse than the times he didn't take them. He thought it would be a one time thing but slowly by slowly, little by little he got addicted to it.
To this day he can't forget the crying face of his mate when others found him in his room unconscious because he overdosed.
He felt more shitty when his mate blamed himself that he couldn't take care of him.
He promised himself that he would never touch drugs. It was difficult but nothing was worse than seeing his mate cry because of him.
He was successful in that but he could never get rid of these feelings that had made him take drugs.
Sanzu walked to the grass filled garden and spotted a blue flower there, he bent down and looked at it. He smiled. It looked beautiful. Well, Sanzu didn't know he loved flowers.
"Haru?"
Sanzu looked back and saw his mate walking towards him while rubbing his eyes.
"Haru what are you doing here? It's cold out here." His mate shivered and wrapped the thin scarf over his body tightly and walked towards Sanzu who had stood up.
"Michi, you shouldn't come out, you'll get sick."
Takemichi walked towards him until his head touched Sanzu's chest. Sanzu wrapped his arms around him and sighed.
"You okay Haru?"
Sanzu stopped breathing for second but then just held Takemichi tighter in his arms.
"Yea—"
"Don't lie."
Sanzu looked down and saw the light frown on Takemichi's face.
"I—I am not lying." Sanzu tried convincing him.
Takemichi's frown deepened and he hid his face in Sanzu's chest.
"You are not fine. I can feel it. Why do you have to lie about it?" Takemichi said against his chest, squeezing him more, "You are not fine. You don't have to hide it."
Sanzu didn't say anything. He didn't have anything to say. He never even thought of speaking those thoughts which caused him sleepless nights.
"We can talk." Takemichi stated, "You are not alone Haru. You were never alone and you will never be alone. I love you so much and seeing you suffer alone only brings sadness to me. That day we married and vowed to be their for eachother were not some lies. They hold truth Haru. I am here for you."
Sanzu didn't know what to say. He didn't even know that he needed to hear something so assuring and loving. This odreal was long but he could feel it coming to an end with the help of the person in his arms.
"Yeah, you are." Sanzu said with difficulty, swallowing the knot in his throat, "And I am so glad you are here for me."
They stayed like that for a while. A little later Takemichi pulled away and looked up at Sanzu with warm eyes, the warmth which made Sanzu's cold life filled with sunshine. Takemichi was embodiment of home, his warm place where he felt safe.
Sanzu closed his eyes and smiled.
A peck to his lips and he opened them, staring right in the blue glinting eyes.
Sanzu shook his head with a soft smile. He took Takemichi's chin, gently lifting his face. He bend forward and kissed endearingly his lips. Sighing in content against them.
When he pulled back, Takemichi clunged to his sides. Sanzu could see the blushing face of his mate even under the dim light of moon. It was adorable.
Sanzu looked ahead with a smile, "Flowers would be nice here."
He felt Takemichi's eyes on him for a split second.
"I could stare at them everyday. They somehow make me happy."
_
Sanzu stared at the flowers. They looked ever so beautiful like everyday.
But the person who took care of them wasn't here now.
He watered them, letting the drops reach the soil.
They shouldn't die. Takemichi grew them with love. Takemichi grew them for Sanzu. They shouldn't die.
"I am sorry Michi." Tears streamed down his cheeks as he realised the person who helped him, gave him the strength to live was no longer there with him. "Please come back."
He won't let these flowers die.