Chapter Text

Prologue

 

It’s a freezing cold February afternoon in Chicago. Dark clouds hang heavily above the city and promise more snow in the next hours. A white blanket covers everything. It could be romantic if not for the impending snowstorm.

 

The green house with its white porch and the snowman in the backyard is covered in a thick layer of frost and snow. It’s situated in the suburbs of Chicago, nice neighborhood, perfect for raising kids. The porch swing swings creakily in the wind. The windows are brightly illuminated and small frost patterns decorate them.

 

A buzz vibrates through the house. People are talking quietly, family and friends of the owners and still it feels like it’s too much noise for such a quiet and sad afternoon. The kitchen table is full of food: pies, cakes, casseroles, and stew in every variation you can think of. They’re all neatly placed next to each other.

 

Jared leans against the sink his fingers curling around the edge digging into the wood, biting his lip as he fights to keep the tears back. It hurts but it’s still better than the ache that settled deep in his bones and heart three days ago. He looks out of the window and when his eyes fall on the snowman in the middle of his backyard, it feels as if a thousand needles pierce his heart. Mechanically the fingers of his right hand start playing with the platinum band around his left ring finger.

 

The soft laugh of his children travels to his ears and Jared closes his eyes before the tears that are building behind his eyes threaten to fall.

 

**

 

James grabs his gloves and kisses Jared’s frown of his forehead. “I’m feeling better. Stop worrying.”

 

“You shouldn’t go outside so soon after having pneumonia,” Jared argues. “It’s too cold.” He worries; it’s what he does. He always worries when one of the kids or James is sick, not that that happens often.

 

James laughs and pulls Jared flush against his body. Wearing snow pants and a thick parka, he feels like a teddy bear in Jared’s arms. “I stayed in bed for the last two weeks. I think I’m safe to go out with the kids for awhile.” He presses his forehead against Jared’s. “Besides, it’s just the backyard. I’ll come inside if I get tired.”

 

“Promise me you won’t overdo it.”

 

“I promise.” James holds up his hand with his fore and middle finger as a ‘V’, like he always does.

 

Jared snorts. “Okay. Dinner’ll be ready in an hour or two.”

 

“Aww, you take such good care of me and the kids, baby.”

 

“Papa…” The kids yell.

 

“Go.” Jared ushers his husband towards the door. “Get outside before they break something.”

 

After a soft kiss is planted on Jared’s lips, James rushes out the back door and joins their three kids in a snow fight. Sophie-Ellie, their youngest, jumps James’ back and he growls and fakes trying to shake her off. Their six-year-old is screaming and screeching with glee. Jared laughs when Annie and Luke bombard James with new snowballs and they all fall down in a heap in the snow, giggling helplessly. He shakes his head at their silly antics with a fond smile on his face and turns back to the dishes that pile in their sink.

 

Jared turns on the faucet and hot water fills the sink. He rinses off the dirty dishes while watching his family through the kitchen window. Just when he’s finished the back door opens and a snowman walks inside. Luke looks at this dad and when Jared shakes his head the boy stays where he is.

 

“We need a carrot, daddy.”

 

“A carrot?”

 

“Yes! We’re making a snowman.”

 

Jared chuckles. “You’re making a snowman and here I thought you already are one.” Luke looks down at this blue parker covered in snow, which makes Jared laugh even more. “I’ll get you a carrot and some buttons, too.” He raises his eyebrows at his son. “And you stay where you are. I don’t want you to run through the house the way you look.”

 

Luke nods rocking back and forth on his heels, showing Jared that he is in a hurry to get outside again. Seconds later, he hands his son a carrot and some buttons for the eyes and chest. He watches Luke rushing outside again and decides to join is family outside for a little bit. Grabbing his parka he runs outside with a loud roar and the kids greet him with snowballs.

 

~

 

It’s hours later, the kids are sitting in front of the TV watching cartoons, when Jared admires the snowman they have built. He’s pretty big with the carrot as a nose and the buttons as eyes. James had even found an old jar in the shed they had used as a hat. Jared had kept a close eye on his husband, but he hadn’t shown any signs of fatigue.

 

Long arms come around Jared’s lean body and he leans into his husband, feeling the warmth of James’ body seep into him. He entwines their fingers, when James’ hands come resting on his stomach.

 

“I love you.” James’ breath is hot and heavy against Jared’s ear and he shivers.

 

“Love you, too,” he whispers back. He turns in his husband’s arms and watches James carefully, looking for any signs that the man he loves so much it hurts sometimes might be sick again. “You feeling okay?”

 

James sighs in fake annoyance. “I’m fine, JT.” He drops a kiss on Jared’s lips and leans close to whisper in Jared’s ear, “In fact I’m feeling so fine that I’m planning of taking you to bed and fuck you. All. Night. Long.” James’ voice is husky and full of lust and he punctuated each of the last three words with a kiss. Jared’s almost instantly hard. He wishes the kids were already in bed.

 

“I’m gonna,” James whispers, brushing his hand lightly over Jared’s crotch, “open you up slowly, first with my tongue, licking around that tight hole of yours, pushing inside and making you ready for my fingers.” Jared shivers and he bucks his hips looking for the much needed friction. Listening to James talking like this is so fucking hot. “Then, I’m gonna put my fingers in you, one by one, stretching you, opening you up for my…”

 

“Daddy! Papa!”

 

James curses under his breath and Jared sighs with a fond smile resting his forehead against James’. He’s so damn hard. “Looks like that has to wait, but later I’m all yours.” He rubs his crotch on James’ thigh to show him how hard he already is and his husband suppresses a moan. They share another heated kiss, tongues tangling passionately together, before they walk over to the living room to see their kids cuddling on the couch.

 

“You know,” James whispers hotly inside Jared’s ear. “I can’t wait to have another one of these.” They’ve been trying to conceive another child for a few weeks now and Jared feels exactly like James feels. He can’t wait. “You look so damn hot with your belly all swollen, carrying our baby.” James runs his hand lightly over Jared’s t-shirt covered belly.

 

“Me, too,” he whispers back and presses a chaste kiss to James’ lips. “I love to carry our baby.”

 

James smiles and runs his hands through Jared’s hair. “I love you, so much.”

 

Jared throws his arms around his husband’s shoulders and grins back. “Love you, too.” He leans for another kiss and they don’t part until the kids start to protest. They both laugh and walk over to their children and settling next to the kids on the couch to watch TV. This is perfect, Jared thinks. Just how it’s supposed to be.

 

**

 

It’s been just a fucking snowman for God’s sake and now James is… Jared can’t even say the word, because it’s too hard. Jared should have made him stay inside. He should have known that something like this would happen. He should… well, he should have been able to save James’ life. But he didn’t, he couldn’t and that’s why today they buried James’ body in the freezing cold ground of St. Francis cemetery three blocks from their house.

 

Never, not once in the thirteen years they’ve been together they discussed the possibility that one of them could die and leave the other behind. There is no will, nor does Jared know what James would have wanted for a situation like that, because at thirty-one you just don’t think that you’re life could end in one second.

 

“JT, sweetie?”

 

He turns around at the soft question and sees Sophia standing at the kitchen door looking at him with sad, brown eyes and a small, pitiful smile on her face. Sophia has been his best friend for most of their lives. They’ve been through much together, kindergarten, high school, college, broken relationships, Jared’s cut with his family and brother, five pregnancies and in the end they came out okay, always able to take strength from the other when needed. But this, here, right now, it’s something entirely new and neither Jared nor Sophia know how to work through it.

 

When Jared called her three nights ago from the hospital she and Misha, Sophia’s husband and another one of Jared’s close friends, had jumped out of bed, dropped the kids off at Jared’s father-in-law Matthew who had also taken Jared’s kids home and rushed to the hospital. They had been there with him while he waited for the doctor to talk to him and stayed when Jared went inside James’ room to visit him. Nobody expected James’ to die that night. Not Jared or Sophia and Misha, not the doctors. And still, it happened.

 

**

 

“Mr. Padalecki-Lafferty?” A middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair and a grim look on his face is looking around in the waiting room.

 

Jared stands up. “That’s me.” He motions for Sophia, Misha and James’ mother Angie. “Us, I mean.”

 

“Dr. Walker.” He nods. “We’ve examined your husband and it looks like his pneumonia has caused a pulmonary embolism.” They all exchange a confused look and Dr. Walker explains, “It means that a thrombus has blocked the main artery of the lung, so the blood flow through the lungs is obstructed.”Jared gasps, just like Sophia and Angie did and even Misha, who normally keeps his feelings and emotions in check, looks shocked.

 

“But he was fine. I mean, he said he was feeling better. That’s why he went outside with the kids in the first place.” Jared says, his voice full of desperation.

 

“That can happen. It’s possible that the patient is feeling better and then a pulmonary embolism develops ‘out of the blue’ so to say. In Mr. Padalecki-Lafferty’s case I’d say it was the cold and the exertion going outside and playing with children what caused it. But he’s here now and we can treat the pulmonary embolism. We probably have to keep him for a few days to administer suitable medication and monitor his condition. But I think he’ll be okay to go home in a week, when his health is getting better.”

 

Jared nods and falls back into the chair. If James hadn’t gone outside, he wouldn’t have gotten sick. If he just had been more determined and kept James from going outside.

 

“The nurses will help Mr. Padalecki-Lafferty to get settled into his room and then you can go and see him,” Dr. Walker explains, before leaving them alone.

 

Sophia turns to Jared and grabs his hand. “JT, this isn’t your fault.” Sometimes it’s downright scary how well she knows him. “You couldn’t have known.”

 

“Sophia is right, JT,” Misha says calmly, but Jared hears the little waver in his friend’s voice and knows how much all of this affected Misha. “Not your fault.”

 

Angie pulls him into her arms. “James is strong and you’ll see. He’ll be back home in no time.”

 

Jared nods. He really wants to believe what his mother-in-law and his friends are telling him.

 

**

 

It had still almost taken an hour until Jared and Angie were able to visit James and another two hours until he died. Dr. Walker told him later that apparently the medicine hadn’t helped the way they hoped it would and that finally caused James’ lungs to collapse. Jared had been there with James, had pushed the emergency button and waited desperately for the doctors to save James life. The whole time he had pleaded with James to stay with him, not to leave him, tears streaming down his face.

 

And then the doctors called the time of death and Jared was in a trance. Sophia and Misha were right there to take care of him. He had sobbed and screamed and Sophia had cradled him in her arms, holding him, until he had no tears left. He remembers Sophia crying and Misha had tears in his eyes, too, but they took charge and Jared will forever be grateful for that.

 

They had filled out the papers the hospital needed for him and drove him to Angie and Matthew. Angie had left earlier, promising her son to be back in the morning and Jared couldn’t help thinking that she’d never see her son again.

 

**

 

The drive to his in-law’s house goes by in a blur. Jared feels numb. He can’t really believe what just happened, that James is gone and will never see his kids again, that they won’t have another child together, like they planned, like they were trying for. It isn’t fair! They were supposed to be happy together, see their kids grow up, have grandkids… and now… none of that will happen. Slowly he raises his hand and rubs it over his eyes, they’re wet. He doesn’t remember crying.

 

What will happen when they come to Angie’s and Matthew’s house? What will he tell the kids? A sob escapes his lips and he curls into the seat. Please, just let him wake up from this nightmare. He wants nothing more than to wake up and feel James’ warm form next to him.

 

Misha stops the car and the front door of the house jerks open. All five kids, Jared’s three and Sophia’s and Misha’s two sons run out of the house. Annie is the first to stop when she sees Jared is crying. Matthew and Angie are standing at the front door, looking at Jared and he’s sure they know, when Angie buries her head against her husband’s neck and Matthew holds her close.

 

“Daddy?” Annie whispers upset, as if she knows.

 

Jared opens his arms, pulls the kids against his large frame and buries his nose in their scent. Luke and Sophie-Ellie don’t know what’s going on, but Annie seems to know that something terrible happened. He holds his kids for what feels like forever.

 

When he finally finds his voice and tells his babies that their papa died and went to heaven it’s as if his heart his ripped from his body. He hasn’t gotten it back since.

 

**

 

Now, he tries to smile at her, tries to show Sophia that he’s okay, that he’ll be okay, but it comes out crooked and he knows that Sophia sees it.

 

Jared swallows the lump in his throat, before he says, “Hey Soph,” his voice raw and hoarse. At first, he isn’t even sure that it’s been him who had spoken.

 

Sophia walks over to him and pulls him down into a tight hug. She’s only five-six, but it feels good to bury his head into her long, brown hair and take in her scent. He’s glad she’s here, even though none of them know how their lives will go on. He couldn’t do it without her.

 

She helped with the funeral arrangements, when Jared thought he’s drowning, dealt with the caterer and Jared’s parents, cooked for the kids and just kept everything going. And she lost a friend, too. Jared knows James’ death hit Sophia hard, but right now he’s not able to give any strength back and he just takes and takes. He feels selfish for it, but Sophia will have none of it. She just gives without thinking about it.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared says quietly and Sophia pulls back a little, looking at him puzzled.

 

“What? What for?” She asks confused.

 

“For letting you deal with the funeral arrangement and that you had to take care of us, because I wasn’t able to,” Jared explains.

 

Sophia shakes her head. “Stop it, JT. I won’t let you apologize, because you’re mourning James’ death. I know you’re not okay and no one expects you to be. I love you and the kids and I’ll take care of the people I love. You got it?”

 

Jared nods. “Yeah. Thanks, though.”

 

Sophia smiles sadly and when she finally releases him, she pads his cheek. “It’ll be okay.” And Jared nods, not because he believes it, but because he doesn’t know what else to do.

 

He wishes he could believe Sophia, though, and if it’s just for the sake of the kids. They deserve to be happy again. Right now, they’re still pretty much in shock. They haven’t been to school ever since that horrible night and Jared doesn’t know when they will be able to go there again. Annie and Luke are barely speaking and Sophie-Ellie is constantly asking questions about heaven and where exactly James went. Jared hasn’t answers for that.

 

All in all, they’re all going through the motions, Jared and the kids, Angie and Matthew, Sophia and Misha, they all don’t know where and how to go from here.

 

Sophia sighs and runs a hand through her hair. “Your parents want to leave, so I came looking for you.”

 

Jared tenses, like always when somebody mentions his parents. He never had a very good relationship with them. They always argued, but it went downhill when Jared decided to study journalism with a minor in history and Russian literature in college instead of going into the family business.

 

His parents own one of the biggest oil companies in the country and it’s given that they have so much money they don’t know what to do with it. When Jared was still young, his mother always dragged him into her country club, trying to set him up with blonde and dumb daughters of her friends. When Jared finally told her he was gay, he hoped the attempted match-making would stop, but he was wrong. Instead of young blonde girls, he now had to fight off young blonde, wealthy and arrogant guys his mother thought were ‘suitable’ for him.

 

When Jared got pregnant with Annie, his parents were furious. Getting pregnant being only twenty and with James as the father was just unacceptable for a Padalecki. But he and James couldn’t have been happier and a few weeks later they were engaged and three months before Annie was born they got married.

 

**

 

There is a soft knock on the door, but Jared sits crying and petrified on the toilet lit. He can’t move, let alone open the door, even though he knows James is worried about him. The door cracks open and James’ head comes through. His boyfriend watches Jared with a concerned look on his face, before walking over, which only means two steps in the tiny bathroom, and sinking to his knees.

 

“JT, are you alright? What is it? Talk to me, baby.” James pleads with desperation in his voice.

 

They’ve been together for almost two years. They even moved in together into this tiny apartment they are living in right now, after the first year of college. But right now, Jared is terrified that his boyfriend will stand up and leave when he sees what Jared his holding in his right hand. But he has no other choice than to raise his hand and give it to James.

 

The first time Jared had thought he might be pregnant and what eventually made him buy the test, was when he vomited every morning for three days in a row. Besides, his pants are already a little snug and just last night he craved chocolate chip ice cream and he normally doesn’t even like that sort of ice cream. He’s a vanilla kinda guy.

 

Jared doesn’t know how it happened, because they always used protection, but it happened nonetheless. And now he’s scared to hell that James will leave him. They may have talked about getting married and having babies in the future, but not right now. They’re only twenty and still in college. But Jared wants this baby. He already loves the little one.

 

James takes the white stick from Jared and looks puzzled at first. But when recognition hits, James face breaks into a bright smile, his eyes shine with unshed tears and he pulls Jared against his chest peppering his face with tiny kisses.

 

“You’re pregnant?” Jared nods. He can’t believe what’s happening. “Oh my God, baby that’s amazing. I’ve… I…,” James breaks off and crushes his lips on Jared’s. The kiss is hard and passionate and everything Jared needs to know everything will be alright, that James is happy with them having a family.

 

When James pulls back they are both grinning like mad. “We’re gonna have a baby.” James’ voice is full of awe.

 

“Yes, we are,” Jared says and his voice is a little shaky.

 

James rests his forehead against Jared’s. “It’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna be okay. I can’t believe that you’re carrying our baby.” And then, James pulls up Jared’s sweater and kisses his still flat stomach right above Jared’s bellybutton.

 

“Hey, little one I’m your Papa.” He looks up to meet Jared’s eyes. “Is it okay, that I’m the papa and you are the daddy?” He asks earnestly and Jared can only nod, because happy tears are streaming down his face, making it impossible for him to answer. “I can’t wait ‘til you get here,” he presses another kiss to Jared’s belly. “I love you and your daddy so much.”

 

~

 

“I think I’ve got another name for a girl,” Jared looks up from the Russian history book he’s reading right now for one of his classes.

 

They’re both lying in bed, still all sweaty after a round of hot, pregnant sex. Jared’s belly is huge and round. The doctor says it’s about four weeks to the delivery date, but until now they hadn’t been able to agree on a name.

 

James raises his eyebrows, puts away the thriller he’s reading and scoots over to Jared snuggling close. He rests a hand on Jared’s belly rubbing circles into the flesh. Jared knows that their daughter, he’s sure they’ll have a girl, while James still believes it’s gonna be a boy, will start kicking soon.

 

“Well, tell me,” James says and starts nibbling on Jared’s earlobe.

 

Shivers run through Jared’s body, but this time James will not disturb Jared’s thoughts with sex, like all the other times they indulged in hot sex instead of discussing their future. No this time, Jared will tell James what he wants their kid’s name to be if it’s a girl and then they can indulge in hot, steamy sex.

 

He pushes his husband away a little. This sounds still new. It’s been six weeks now and every time Jared looks down at his ring finger and sees the simple platinum band snug around it, his heart swells and he feels so happy he could burst.

 

“What do you think about Anastasia? It would go well with Bella, y’know and we could shorten it to Annie, so it doesn’t sound to fancy when she’s growing up.”

 

They’ve discussed a lot of names and none of them liked the suggestions the other made ‘til now. The only name they both liked was Bella. It means ‘beautiful’ and they decided to use it as a middle name, if they’re having a girl. James liked Sara, Lily and Emily for a girl, but Jared argued that these names were too domestic. Jared had suggested Samuel, Michael and Andrew for a boy, but James’ didn’t like them.

 

So, it hasn’t been easy to find a name they both like. But right now, reading in his Russian history book Jared has found the perfect name for a girl and he hopes that James thinks so too.

 

James seems to contemplate the suggestion for a minute before he grins and leans down to place a kiss on Jared’s lips. “I think, Mr. Padalecki-Lafferty,” Jared shivers at the name and the feel of James’ hands all over his body, “you are a genius.”

 

Jared raises his eyebrows. “You like it?”

 

And James nods. “It’s perfect,” he whispers huskily. “Just like you, baby.”

 

**

 

Ever since Jared’s surprise pregnancy with Annie was announced, he had only had limited contact with his parents, only talked to them on the phone once or twice a year. Same goes for his older brother. Jeff’s four years older than Jared and the epitome of their father both in looks and personality. He’s married to his trophy wife, Carly, for fifteen years now and has two beautiful kids, Logan and Lillian, whom Jared only saw when he and James decided to join the family on Christmas.

 

Jeff and he never got along. His brother never liked James. Jared’s husband wasn’t playing in the same league, Jeff always said. He didn’t even come to the funeral. Well, it shouldn’t surprise Jared, because he didn’t come to the wedding, either. Jeff was always exactly like their parents. For him, even when he was a little boy, it was always money and status. That’s the exact combination of Jared’s father and mother. His father, Gerald, is all for money, there can never be enough and he likes to throw it around, too. For his mother, Sharon, it’s status and prestige that defines her life.

 

Megan, his little sister, is the only one of the family Jared is in close contact with. They have always been close, a united front against their parents and Jeff. She wanted to be there for the funeral, if she hadn’t had a big gig at a theater at Broadway. Jared told her not to worry and to do her job, but he misses her fiercely.

 

They have talked on the phone more than once in the last days. Megan listening to her big brother crying on the phone, talking about how he doesn’t know what to do next and she’s there whispering soft nonsense that Jared’s appreciates more than any condolences. Just like everybody else, Megan was shocked when Jared had called her that night. She and James always got along well and have been friends since the day Jared introduced James to Megan.

 

Jared met James the first day in college, and his parents were anything but thrilled, when they learned who their son’s boyfriend was. James came from a hardworking, middle class family and had to work his way through college. His dad, Matthew, is an accountant and his mother, Angie, teaches English and history at a local high school. Jared really gets along with them. If he’s honest, they’re more family than his parents will ever be. They welcomed him into the family and treated him like one of their own from day one. He really loves them. When they heard that their son and his boyfriend were having a baby, they threw a party and offered all the help the young family could need, instead of throwing a screaming fit like Jared’s parents did.

 

**

 

Jared waits in the line to get his room number and key to his dorm room. He’s really excited to finally be in college, to get away from his parents and be his own man. His dad wanted to pay the school for better housing, but Jared refused. He was comfortable to share a room with somebody else and sleep in a dorm bed, at least for the next year. He didn’t want special treatment, just because his father owned one of the largest oil companies in the country.

 

His dad had yelled that it wasn’t suitable for a Padalecki to stay in a dorm room and his mom had wrinkled her nose just thinking about her ‘baby boy’ having to share a room with some middle class child who probably had no manners or sense of hygiene. But in the end Jared had won and now he is waiting to get his room assigned.

 

He turns his head to look at the other students, to get a feel for the people he’s going to spend the next four years of his life with. When he lets his eyes wander, a young man catches his look and gives him a small smile. The guy is beautiful, short dark hair, high cheekbones and a smile to die for. Jared feels himself blush and looks away. But he can’t keep himself from looking and every time he looks in the guy’s direction he’s looking back, grinning at Jared.

 

It’s not as if Jared has really much experience, only a little kissing and fooling around with Colin Winters under the bleachers. But this guy, Jared christens him hot guy, for a lack of a name, is exactly Jared’s type. He always had something for tall, handsome guys with a killer smile. And thinking that hot guy is looking back, is watching Jared, sends shivers down his spine and makes heat pool in his belly.

 

Fifteen minutes later, Jared finally holds a key and some papers in his hands, but when he looks up hot guy is gone and Jared sighs disappointed. He really hopes that they’ll have some classes together.

 

“Hey.” Jared spins around and comes face to face with hot guy. He’s even more stunning when he’s only standing two feet away. He’s a little smaller than Jared, but that’s nothing new with Jared being six-four. His eyes are a deep shade of brown and he’s smiling broadly at Jared, “I’m James. James Lafferty.”

 

It takes a second for Jared to realize that hot guy, well James, he apparently has a name, is holding out his hand. Jared grabs and shakes it. “Jared Padalecki.”

 

When their hands connect and James looks at him with a soft smile and a glint in his eyes, Jared knows that this is the guy he wants to spend his life with.

 

**

 

Angie and Matthew are in the living room right now, sharing stories about James as a kid. Jared had listened for a while, but it got to hard and so Sophia found him in the kitchen where he hid from all the memories of James’ floating through the living room.

 

He looks at Sophia and sighs. “Thanks, I’ll see them out.”

 

They walk together into the living room where his mother and father are already waiting for him with their thousand dollars mink coats on. His mother sends him a disapproving look for letting her wait so long with a thick coat on and runs a hand over her perfectly made, dark hair, but he doesn’t apologize. His father sighs annoyed and stomps to the front door with a last nods at the other guest. Jared follows with slumped shoulders and an apologetic shrug.

 

Angie and Matthew are sitting in the living room watching Jared and his parents observantly. Just like Misha, who’s sitting in the beanbag chair reading to the kids and Sandy and her girlfriend, Alexis, also close friends of Jared, who especially flew to Chicago from Dallas to support their friend. All of them have a concerned look on their faces, but Jared ignores it to see his parents out.

 

“I’m very sorry for your loss, Jared Tristan,” his mother says and Jared knows she doesn’t mean it. She always calls him ‘Jared Tristan’, even when he was just a little boy. Her motto is, if the boy has two names, use them, always. He hates it. He hated it then and he hates it now, but it’s his husband’s funeral so he just nods. “James was such a nice young man,” she adds with faked sympathy and Jared snaps.

 

He snorts. “Don’t, Mother. Don’t you dare and act as if you liked James or care about his death! You never liked him. You hated him, both you and dad did, you made that painfully obvious. You never accepted our marriage. So, don’t you dare act like you care, Mother.” He calls her ‘mother’ just to annoy her. She hates it and he knows it.

 

His mother looks taken aback opening her mouth, before closing it again being at a loss of words. It’s his father who replies with a stern look on his face, “Jared Tristan, you don’t talk to your mother like this.”

 

Jared growls. “You’re in my house and I won’t let her insult my husband’s memory by faking sympathy for someone you never cared about. I loved James. I wanted to spend my life with him and all you ever did was nag or criticize. James wasn’t good enough. We got married to soon. We had Annie too soon. You never said one nice word about James or our relationship.”

 

“That’s not fair,” his mother says choked.

 

“No, Mother you’re right it’s not fair. It’s not fair that my husband died of pneumonia when he was only thiry-one and won’t see his kids grow up. It’s not fair that I’ve lost him and now have to try and get through my life without him. It’s not fair that the kids won’t get to see him again. Nothing of that is fucking fair!” Jared yells and continues angrily, “I’m sure you think it’s not fair that I didn’t want that stupid, perfect life you tried to drag me into at your stupid club, but that’s just how life is. Isn’t that what you always told me?”

 

When he stops his parents look shocked. The last time he spoke to them like this he was starting college and wanted to stay in a dorm. Suddenly he notices that it’s completely silent in the house and turns around to see his friends and in-laws look at him with sad looks on their faces.

 

Matthew is the first to regain his speech. He stands and walks towards Jared putting a hand on his shoulder to support him. Then he looks at Jared’s parents with something like disgust in his eyes.

 

“I think it’s better if you go now,” he says with a growl in his voice and Jared knows he’s only holding back for the kid’s sake.

 

When his parents remain unmoving Angie comes over standing on Jared’s other side, her hand in the small of his back. He can’t say how much he loves his in-laws right now.

 

“Y’know, if you don’t want to be kicked out on your ass right now, it’d be better if you would go now. I’m sure your limousine is already waiting.” Angie’s voice is calm and sickly-sweet, but Jared hears the angry undertone.

 

“Gerald,” Jared’s mother whines, ordering her husband to do something.

 

“We’re going,” his father growls and ushers his wife out of the door without as much as a look back. Jared sighs in relief when the door closes behind them.

 

A small hand settles on Jared’s arm. It’s Sophia’s. She’s looking at him with sad and concerned eyes. “JT, the kids,” she says quietly and Jared turns around to see his three children standing in the middle of the hallway. Sophie-Ellie clinging to her older sister’s legs with tears streaming down her face. Annie has her arm around Sophie-Ellie and Luke, quietly looking at her dad pleading for him to stop arguing with their grandparents.

 

Jared curses his action inwardly and walks over to his kids sinking to his knees in front of them. He pulls his kids into his arms telling them that he’s sorry and that everything will be okay again, even though he knows it will never be the way it was before.

 

~

 

It’s much later, when Jared lies in bed. The bed he shared with James for the last nine years. Pictures of them and the kids decorate the wall of the bedroom. Jared hadn’t even thought about cleaning out any of James’ stuff yet. The book he was reading is still sitting on his nightstand and Jared doesn’t think he’ll be able to put it away any time soon. It hurts too much.

 

They had moved into this house when Jared had been pregnant with Luke. It was shortly after graduating and they knew they needed a big house with the big family they were planning. Annie just turned two and was the apple of their eye.

 

**

 

Jared looks around his hands lying on his huge belly. It won’t be long before their son will be born. Well, they don’t know for sure yet, but James is convinced that this baby is definitely gonna be a boy and now Jared is always talking about a son, too. This house is just perfect for them. It’s half an hour from the city in a quiet and safe neighborhood, with schools, playgrounds and kindergartens close by. James travels forty minutes to the office where he works as an engineer. This is perfect.

 

When Jared told James about the pregnancy four months ago he was in week ten and his belly was still flat. Now, it’s round and big, bigger then when he carried Annie at the time. And he’s still growing, that’s what makes James think it’s a boy and he’s gonna be as tall as his daddy.

 

James had been thrilled to hear that he was going to become a father for the second time. They both always wanted at least two or three kids and this was like a dream. It hadn’t been easy over the last two years, with both of them still in college. It had been the first time that Jared was glad to have a trust fund in his name, inherited by his grandparents. They died when Jared was still a teenager and he’s sorry that they never got the chance to meet James, they would have liked him.

 

Julie and Harold Padalecki were never like Jared’s father. He doesn’t know his mother’s parents, they died before he was born, but he adored and loved his father’s parents and they loved him right back. His poppy had always been a hardworking man. Harold had built the company his father now called his own out of nothing and always remembered where the money was coming from.

 

Jared had sworn that he would never ever lay hand on his trust fund, but when he got pregnant in college he knew that his grandparents would have wanted for him to finish college and still care for his family. So, he took a bit of the money whenever needed, but careful not to take too much and with the help of James’ parents and Sophia and Misha they had managed.

 

Now, James worked at a well-known engineering firm in downtown Chicago and Jared would stay home with the kids for the next year or so. Then he’d like to work as a journalist at one of the many papers in Chicago.

 

James’ arms come around to rest on Jared’s large belly. “Do you like it?” He asks softly pressing his lips against Jared’s neck.

 

Jared moans softly in his throat, before replying, “Do I like it? I love it. It’s perfect.” He looks down at the child who’s playing at his feet. “Hmm, Annie what do you think? You wanna move here with Daddy and Papa?”

 

“Move, Daddy!” the little girl says and giggles when James releases Jared to scoop her up into his arms. Her long dark, hair is framing a round face with big brown eyes and red lips. She’s looks just like her fathers. Annie is a beauty and Jared can see James and him fighting off boys with a stick when she’s old enough to date.

 

Jared rubs over his belly. “Hey, little one what do you think?” He asks softly and receives a fierce kick. He looks up into James’ smiling eyes. “I think he loves it, too.”

 

James kisses him hot and passionate, curling one hand in Jared’s hair, before releasing his husband and saying, “Well, I guess, we found your new home,” James declares and Jared sighs happily, despite his shaky legs.

 

**

 

They bought the bed a week later, because it was big enough for Jared and his six-four frame and every additional family member who wanted to stay in their bed. Annie always came snuggling with them when they first moved in. She still does from time to time. Just like her siblings. With the many cushions, it was so comfy that he and James used to spend days in bed when they first moved in.

 

Now, the bed feels too large and cold. Not all the cushions in the world would be able to keep Jared warm right now. He feels empty and hollow and the only thing that keeps him going are the kids. He hasn’t really slept in the last four days, ever since that terrible night when James started to cough up blood.

 

**

 

A vicious sounding coughing fit jolts Jared awake and he looks over where James is sitting in the middle of the bed holding his chest and covering his mouth with one hand. Jared sits up, he’s still sticky from the sex they had only two hours earlier. The blinking light on his alarm clock tells him that it’s one a.m.

 

“Baby, are you alright?” What a stupid question, clearly James is not alright.

 

Between coughs, his husband gets out, “JT… it’s bad… I feel like something is suffocating me.” And Jared jumps out of bed. He switches on the light and sees red blood stains pattern on the white bedspread. His heart is threatening to jump out of his chest, but he forces himself to calm down. He has to stay calm and focused for James and the kids.

 

What the hell happened? James was fine not only two hours ago. He never said that he was feeling bad. Why didn’t he say something when he felt bad? They could have driven to the hospital hours ago. Shit, shit, shit.

 

Jared calls 911 first, then his parents-in-law telling them to meet them at the hospital and finally he wakes the kids ordering Annie to make sure that Sophie-Ellie and Luke get dressed, because Papa is sick and they have to go to the hospital. He sees the fear in his daughter’s eyes, but reassures her that her Papa is going to be okay. Please, let him be okay.

 

**

 

A soft knock on the door pulls Jared away from his thoughts. “Come in.” The door opens and Annie is walking in with Sophie-Ellie and Luke at her heels. “Hey sweeties, what’s up?” Jared asks faking the cheerfulness.

 

“Can we sleep here?” Annie asks quietly. They’ve slept with Jared and James before, just not all of them at the same time. But it was common that when one of the kids had a nightmare they would climb into Jared’s and James’ bed and sleep snug between their parents.

 

Jared nods. “Sure, jump in.” He scoots into the middle of the bed. Annie and Sophie-Ellie settle on his left, it had been James’ side of the bed before, and Luke lays down on his right side. He throws his arms around the kids and pulls them against his body. “It’s okay. Everything will be okay again,” he whispers and that’s how the kids fall asleep.

 

Jared lies awake for a long time after the kids climbed to him into the bed. He thinks about the future, about what he will do now. He thinks about all the evenings and days alone when the kids are already asleep or with friends. He thinks about what will happen when one of the kids gets sick. He definitely has to learn how to make chicken soup for that occasion.

 

James’ and he did everything together. How will he cope to do it all alone? He has to cook and clean, go groceries shopping and do the laundry and above all, he has to care for his kids. They depend on him. These three little people here next to him in the bed are the only reason he’s still alive. He can’t let them down.

 

 

Chapter One

 

Six Months Later

 

“Annie!” Jared yells and a few seconds later his daughter stomps out of the front door of the white house.

 

That the house is white is probably the only difference between this house and the house they just sold in Chicago. It’s the same size and has a porch with a swing. Maybe the backyard is a little bigger, but that’s about it. Even the neighborhood looks and feels the same as in Chicago. It’s nice and quiet with white houses and picket fences. The only real difference is the weather. Right now it’s scorching hot and Jared’s shirt sticks to his back. He likes it, though, just has to get used to it again.

 

“What, Dad?” She looks annoyed and Jared cringes at ‘Dad’. She always used to call him ‘Daddy’, adoringly and lovingly. It hurts that she doesn’t call him that anymore and feels a little like he’s losing her. Everything changed so much in the last six months and Annie calling him ‘Dad’ is just one of the things.

 

Annie has changed so much in the last months it’s kind of scary. She had always been a quiet child, rather reading a book or watching the stars then going outside, but she’s even quieter than before. She completely pulled away from Jared, burying herself in her books, only talking when someone addressed her. It breaks Jared’s heart to see his little girl like this and he’s at a complete loss at what to do.

 

Jared himself hasn’t had a decent night’s sleep in the last months. The ache in his body is still there and the James’ shaped hole in his heart has even gotten bigger. Thousand needles seem to pierce Jared’s heart whenever he thinks of James or someone mentions his name. He’s still wearing his wedding ring on a necklace around his neck. He took it off when they bought the house in Dalton as a first step to move on. However, he couldn’t bring himself to put it away completely.

 

His two youngest kids deal so much better with their papa’s death than he does. Sure, they had cried a lot of tears in the last months, but finally he finds Luke and Sophie-Ellie smiling and laughing again more often. Luke seems to perfect his game at guitar hero. He’s always been good, playing against James many nights, but now after James’ death he seems to have perfected his game and he once told Jared that he feels close to his papa when playing.

 

First Jared was very skeptic about Luke playing so much, but it really seems to help him and Jared doesn’t want to take something from him that makes him feels close to his papa. Besides, it’s not as if he spends all his time in front of the thing. He also spent time with his friends in Chicago going outside, running around and playing baseball or basketball.

 

Sophie-Ellie draws a lot these days. Pictures with her papa in heaven decorated almost every surface in their old kitchen, from the fridge to the cabinet doors and the walls. It didn’t make it any easier for Jared to move on, but if it helps his baby girl to find some peace he’ll put them up in their new kitchen as well.

 

“Could you please take one of the boxes here into the house and tell Luke and Sophie-Ellie that I need their help.” Annie rolls her eyes, also something she’s never done when James was still alive, but picks up the box and walks back into the house. Jared hopes that it’s just a phase and not the harbinger of puberty. He really hopes the move will help.

 

**

 

Jared is leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom, looking inside; everything he sees reminds him of James. James’ favorite light blue dress shirt is still hanging over the edge of the chair in the corner next to the bathroom door, as if James will come out any minute, smile at Jared and put it on.

 

But James will never come out of the bathroom ever again. He will never put on his favorite shirt again. He will never play guitar hero with Luke, make tea parties with Sophie-Ellie and her dolls or watch the starts with Annie again.

 

A small sob escapes Jared’s mouth and he grabs the wooden frame to steady himself. He can’t fall to the floor and cry when his kids, his babies, are just two feet away tucked in their beds. But the house is still full of James’ stuff, his books and DVDs. Pictures of him are hanging in the hallway. Sophia suggested to take them off to make it a little bit easier, but Jared hasn’t had the strength yet, just as he hadn’t had the strength to delete James’ voice on the answering machine. Sometimes at night he sits in the living room listening to James’ deep, cheerful voice telling the caller to leave a message. It doesn’t make it easier and it has to stop. Jared knows that. It’s just hard.

 

It’s going on four months now and everybody is still treating Jared like a china doll, never raising their voices and smiling more than usual. It feels wrong and Jared hates it, but he doesn’t feel like saying anything about it, either.

 

He has talked once or twice to his mother, but the phone calls had always been short and stilted. She hadn’t mentioned his little outburst at James’ funeral, but he knew that she resents Jared for it. When they talked the last time she even suggested he started dating again. He hung up without saying ‘goodbye’. They haven’t talked since.

 

Megan had been to Chicago to visit and even she had been quiet. Normally she’s a whirlwind, talking a mile a minute and wanting to do everything at the same time, but the few days she had stayed with Jared and the kids she had been quiet and serious with a pitiful look on her face.

 

Sophia and his neighbors aren’t any better. They’re always looking at Jared with a sad look on their faces, as if he’s going to lose it any moment. Misha’s the only one to treat him like a person. He still invites Jared out to their favorite bar, and even though Jared mostly refuses – he had gone with Misha one time and it had ended in him having a small breakdown, because the bar reminded him too much of the times when he and James used to go there and have a drink – he’s grateful for it all the same. It makes him feel a little more like a human being instead of a shell of the man he used to be.

 

The night when Jared had to call 911 to get his husband to the hospital is still vivid in his head. Every time he closes his eyes, he relives that night over and over again, sees the blood and feels James’ life running through his hands. He has nightmares about the night, in which James pleads for him to save him, screams at him for being unable to do so. They do nothing to help him moving on.

 

He walks into his bedroom and closes the door behind him, even though he knows he won’t find any sleep tonight. Just like all the other nights in the last months, he tossed and turned in his bed, because it’s just too big and empty to find sleep. He hasn’t slept alone in almost fifteen years and now that he has to, sleep won’t come. Thy kids shared his bed in the first few weeks, but Jared thought it would be better for them to go back to their own beds and now they’re sleeping in their rooms again.

 

Sophia visited today with big news. Misha got the opportunity he’s been waiting for forever since he decided to make his PhD in theology and religion. He got a teaching job as professor at UT Dallas. Misha is really excited, even though he’s not really showing it, but Jared knows the glint in his eyes and knows that it means Misha is thrilled. His friend always wanted to teach and Jared is happy for them, he really is, but it still will be hard to see them move away. It will be even harder on the kids. They don’t know yet, that Sophia, Misha and the kids will be moving soon. Jared’ll tell them tomorrow and he knows they won’t like it.

 

Well, he could consider Sophia’s suggestion and move down there as well. Sophia’s right, he can find a job at a paper in Texas, too. And James’ life insurance and the money they saved is enough to keep them going for the next years, even if Jared doesn’t find a job immediately. And he still has a lot of his trust fund left, even though he doesn’t want to use the money.

 

Besides it’s not that something is keeping him here. Okay, he likes his job at the entertainment department at the Chicago Tribune, but it’s not like he has many other friends beside Sophia and Misha. James and he mostly kept to himself and if they went out they mostly met with Sophia and Misha or some of James’ colleagues. Besides, they would be closer to Sandy and Alexis, who have their fashion company in Dallas as well. It’d be nice to have all his friends close.

 

Maybe they should consider it. Maybe it would do them good. Get away from all these memories. The house is full of them, not only James’ books or DVDs or such, but memories of situations – birthdays, anniversaries - they shared as a family. And walking through the streets of Chicago isn’t easy as well, seeing all of James’ favorite places, the diner he liked or the park he grew up in. He’ll talk to the kids in the morning and then they’ll decide what to do, together, as a family.

 

**

 

The kids had reacted differently to his suggestion to follow Sophia and her family to Dalton, Texas. Annie had just nodded with a blank face and locked herself into her room for the weekend, only sneaking out to eat something. It had scared Jared half to death. When she finally came out of her room again he had pulled her against his chest holding her tight, making her promise that she would never do something like that again. Annie had promised that and told him that if he and her siblings wanted to move she’d be okay with that.

 

Luke had been okay with the idea from the start, because Sophia moving meant his best friend Dan moving, too. It would have been much harder for Luke to stay behind than to pack his bags and move to Texas. Sophie-Ellie, however, had cried a lot. She didn’t want to leave her papa behind and Jared, with Sophia’s and Misha’s help, finally convinced her by giving her the locket James had given him for their first wedding anniversary. He put a picture of James in it and put it around Sophie-Ellie’s neck and told her that now she had her papa always with her.

 

When he told Angie and Matthew that they think about moving back to Texas and why, they were both really supportive. Sure they were sad that Jared and their grandkids would move to another state and it would be more difficult to visit, but they could understand why Jared and the kids thought about it and helped them to organize the move.

 

Jared’s parents had reacted completely different to his in-laws. Not that Jared was surprised. Instead of being happy that Jared was moving back to Texas and therefore be much closer than before, they grumbled about him moving to Dalton and not San Antonio or anywhere closer. But that was typical Sharon and Gerald; they always need something to argue about.

 

Megan, however, had been completely supportive about the move. It would mean a longer journey for her, too, to visit Jared and the kids, but she didn’t care. She just wanted her brother happy. Jared hadn’t talked to Jeff since before James’ funeral, but he was sure that his brother would be with their parents with this.

 

Jared leans into the van he rented to make the move possible and grabs one of the boxes standing close to the door. He has to give the van back before tonight; otherwise, they’ll charge him for another full day. Not that Jared wouldn’t be able to afford it – money is one thing they don’t need to worry about - but he really wants to get this thing unpacked before the evening brakes in.

 

Sophia had promised to help, since she, Misha and their boys, Brendan and Benjamin, moved to Dalton a month before. But one of Sophia’s clients called earlier telling that she was having contraction three weeks early and now Sophia is helping her to deliver her baby, instead of helping Jared move. And Misha already had a symposium about… well, Jared isn’t entirely sure, something about gods and ethnics in ancient cultures, lined up.

 

They don’t have too much to move, since the furniture stayed in their old house in Chicago and the new house is already furnished. But, still, over the last ten years a lot of stuff piled up in the old house and Jared couldn’t bring himself to throw away any of it. That means, beside his stuff, the kids clothes and toys, they also packed James’ stuff: books, DVDs, photos. The only thing Jared gave away were his clothes and he still feels regret about that.

 

He lifts the box into his arms and stumbles back, because fuck this is heavy. Jared isn’t exactly a small guy, with six-four of solid muscle, even though he lost some weight in the last few months. But he asks himself if his kids maybe packed some bricks from the backyard as souvenirs, when a helping hand grabs the other side of the box and deep blue eyes grin at him from over the box and together they manage to carry it into the living room.

 

The box hits the ground with a dull thud and Jared arches his back to relieve it of the tension. The other guy does the same and Jared notices that he’s about Jared’s height with dark, almost black hair and the bluest eyes Jared has ever seen, well maybe except for Misha’s eyes. He’s good looking, Jared can admit that.

 

“Hey, I’m Tom Welling-Rosenbaum, your new neighbor. Feel free to call me Tom or Tommy.” The guy holds out his hand. Jared is surprised, but pleased at the open kindness his new neighbor offers and shakes Tom’s hand.

 

“Jared Padalecki-Lafferty, nice to meet you. And thanks for helping me.”

 

Tom waves it away with a move of his hand. “Don’t worry, that’s what neighbors are for, and in a week or two I’ll even be able to move again.” He grins and Jared finds himself grinning back. “Besides, what’s in there, a ton of bricks?”

 

Jared chuckles and shrugs. “I have no idea.” And they both grin a little harder. “I’d offer you a beer, but I only have some water here. I’ll really have to go grocery shopping in the morning.”

 

Tom laughs and shakes his head. “It’s fine. So, Jared Padalecki-Lafferty,” Jared almost gapes, because Tom is one of the first people to pronounce his name correctly on the first try, even James had difficulties at first. He’d always say Padalicki and Misha honest to God refused to say Jared’s last name at all. “What’s bringing y’all out to Dalton, Texas?”

 

“Change of scenery, I think.” Jared says evasively. “I grew up in San Antonio, but moved to Chicago for college and never went back. Well, until now.”

 

“Wait,” Tom scratches his head. “Padalecki. You related to Padalecki-Oil?”

 

Jared groans inwardly. He always hated that about Texas, everyone new Padalecki-Oil and recognized the name sooner or later. He nods sheepishly, kicking the carpet with his toe, “My grandfather founded it.”

 

Tom gives him a genuine smile. “But… I’m guessing you’re not in the family business,” he states.

 

Jared can’t help but snort. “God, no. Never been interested in Texas oil.”

 

Tom laughs and nods. “Yeah, well maybe you and yours are interested in some real, old-fashioned Texas BBQ?” Jared raises his eyebrows curiously. “Y’all are invited to one tonight. My husband Mike and I have invited some friends over for steaks and beer. You look like you’re missing out on some good Texas food. Besides, if I don’t invite you Mike’ll have my ass. He grew up in Dalton and he’ll definitely want to meet you. And Dalton is a friendly town and we welcome our new citizens right.”

 

Jared thinks about it. It sounds awesome. A real Texas steak on a hot night and maybe a beer sounds really good. It surprises Jared a lot how open and friendly Tom is, but he really enjoys it. However, he doesn’t really know the guy. He just only met him. They can’t probably impose on the guy.

 

“Nah, thanks but we don’t want to impose.”

 

“Bullshit,” Tom says loudly, before slapping his hand over his mouth and looking around. “Sorry, dude didn’t think about the kids. But really, you’re not imposing. I’m inviting you. You’re our neighbors and I’d really like for us to become friends. Besides our kids will be thrilled to meet yours.” Jared chews on his bottom lip, he already likes Tom and he moved to Dalton for a new start. So, why don’t start right away? And it would be good for the kids to meet someone their age.

 

“Come on, Jared.” Tom seems to think that Jared’ll need some more persuasion. “What else would you guys eat tonight? Chuck E. Cheese? McDonalds? You look like you could do with some proper food, not just grabbing a snack, which trust me is probably all you’ll have energy for after lugging all this stuff. And besides, Jim really makes a really mean steak. He’s the owner of the local diner-cum-bar, you’ll have to meet him eventually. No one in Dalton gets away without meeting Jim, and eating his food.”

 

Jared chuckles at Tom’s persuasion. “Okay, you’re right. Nothing is better than a Texas steak.”

 

“Great,” Tom smiles. “It’s the white house, on the left side. Can’t wait to meet the kids and your husband.”

 

Tom hasn’t even finished the sentence before tenses and tears begin building in his eyes. He really needs to get a grip on himself. He can’t burst into tears every time someone asks about his husband.

 

“Jared, you alright?”

 

Jared takes deep breath and nods. “Yeah, I… I’m fine. It’s just… maybe… It’s probably better to tell you now. James… my husband, he died. That’s kinda the reason why we’re here. For a new start, y’know. Living in Chicago got really hard after James’ death, all the memories and the people constantly treating me and the kids fragilely, it was like they were treading constantly on eggshells. Finally we had to get away.”

 

Jared snaps his mouth shut after he realizes that he just told all that to his new neighbor, but Tom looks at him softly without any kind of pity in his eyes, just genuinely touched. “I’m sorry for your loss, Jared. If there is anything Mike and I can do, y’know maybe watching the kids or something like that, just let us know.”

 

“Yeah, okay.” Jared nods. He knows most people just say, but don’t mean it, so he doesn’t expect too much from Tom and Mike. He really likes Tom so far and if Mike is anything like his husband, Jared is sure he’ll like him, too. But they still only met and Jared knows that many people just offer help, because they think they have to, without following through. At least, that was how it had been in Chicago.

 

“Alright. So, you’ll need some more help with the boxes out there?” Tom asks.

 

“Nah, I’ll think I’ll manage. It’s only two or three more boxes and some of the kid’s toys. We’re good, but thanks though.”

 

Tom smiles. “That’s okay. So, we’ll see y’all tonight around six.” He holds his hand out again and Jared shakes it. “It was really nice to meet you, Jared.”

 

Jared smiles. “You, too. See you tonight.” His eyes follow Tom out the door and then he yells for the kids to get their butt down here to get the remaining boxes and things out of the van.

 

~

 

They knock on the door hours later, but it’s still really hot. What the hell did Jared think moving to Texas in the middle of the summer? The kids seem to enjoy the heat, though, and they really seem to like it here. Sophie-Ellie finally has the chance to show all her summer dresses without wearing tights and a sweater.

 

Luke and Sophie-Ellie are excited to meet their new neighbors, but Annie is scowling. She didn’t want to come to meet their new neighbors. She’d rather unpacked her boxes and put up her telescope, but Jared was having none of that and finally the promise of something to eat convinced his oldest.

 

The door flies open revealing a bald man, a little shorter than Jared himself, with a wicked grin on his face. His blue eyes are sparkling with mischief. “Welcome to casa Welling-Rosenbaum!” He ushers them inside. “Come in, come in.”

 

Jared pushes the kids inside. He’s a little nervous of being here and the excitement his two younger kids had shown not only seconds ago is gone, too. They’re both clinging to their father’s leg. Annie is still scowling, though. When Jared was younger he had never problems making friends, but in the last years James and he had kept to themselves and their tight circle of friends. Standing in Mike and Tom’s hallway feels a little awkward.

 

The hallway is decorated in light colors and he instantly likes it here, just like he likes Tom and Mike seems great, too, with is open grin and how he welcomed Jared and the kids. Two girls about Annie’s age are standing in the door to the kitchen and watch them curiously. It takes a minute before Jared realizes that they are identical twins. Long dark hair frames their pretty faces and they wear both jeans shorts and shirts. Mike waves for them and they come running.

 

“First off, I’m Mike.” He shakes Jared’s hand with a firm handshake. “And these two are our twins, Maddie,” he points at the one with the yellow shirt, “and Lizzy.” She’s wearing a purple shirt.

 

Jared introduces Luke, Sophie-Ellie and Annie. Luke and Annie shake hands, but Sophie-Ellie hides still behind her father’s leg. She’s always been shy when meeting new people, the shyest of the three kids actually. She’ll need some time to feel comfortable. But the twins show him how wrong he can be.

 

“Hey,” Maddie says, smiling at Annie. “You wanna see our room. We have plenty to play with.”

 

Annie’s face softens for the first time today and she nods with a small smile on her face. Maddie pulls her to the stairs and Lizzy follows, before she turns around and looks at Sophie-Ellie.

 

“Sophie, right?” She asks.

 

“Sophie-Ellie,” the little girls peeps.

 

“Well, Sophie-Ellie, you wanna come along, too?” And to Jared’s surprise his youngest lets go of his pants, nods and follows her sister and the twins upstairs without a second look. He’s a little stunned at his baby girl’s actions, but he’s really glad that Sophie-Ellie feels comfortable enough to follow the older girls upstairs.

 

“Uncle Jim’ll have the steaks ready in an hour,” Mike calls after them, before grinning at Jared. “They’re little whirlwinds, but your girls will be safe.”

 

Luke’s still standing next to Jared, when a boy about Luke’s age comes stomping down the stairs. He’s wearing board shorts and white shirt. In his hands, he twirls a basketball. Where the twins look more like Mike, with their blue eyes and bright smile, the boy looks more like Tom with his dark hair and his height.

 

“Hi, I’m Evan.” He says. “You play basketball?” Luke nods. “Which team?”

 

“Bulls.” Luke says without missing a beat. And Jared knows what’s coming next. Both, Mike and Evan wrinkle their noses.

 

“Dude, the Bulls?” Mike shakes his head.

 

And Evan replies grinning, “I like the Mavericks. So, you better get used to losing.” He runs out the front door.

 

Luke looks at Jared with a questioning glance, but when Evan hollers for him, he runs to follow him for a game of horse.

 

Mike pats Jared’s back when he sees the look on his face. “I know it’s hard when they start growing up.” Jared’s eyes shoot up and he sees the telltale glint in Mike’s eyes and knows he’s being teased. He grins and lets Mike usher him outside. Maybe he’s a little stunned that his kids took to Tom and Mike kids so soon, but he’s really grateful for it. Maybe moving was the right idea.

 

Tom’s there and three guys Jared doesn’t know. The older one is manning the grill and the other two are sitting next to Tom with a beer each.

 

“Jared, hey.” Tom jumps out of his chair grabs a beer and hands it to Jared, who takes it with a quiet ‘Thanks’. “Jared, this are Chris,” he points at a guy with long, dark blond hair, “and Steve.” Steve has also long, sandy blond hair but it is wavier, and he’s more build than Chris. They are both wearing shirts, jeans and cowboy boots. It’s in complete contrast to what Tom, Mike and Jared himself are wearing: shorts, shirts and flipflops. And it feels so much like Texas that Jared has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing out loud.

 

James never liked cowboy boots and hats. He used to wear his dress shirts and jeans even on his days off, except for when he played with the kids, then he liked to dress in t-shirts and jeans. When Jared first moved to Chicago he still wore his cowboy boots constantly, but over the years he changed to sneakers or flipflops during summer, jeans and t-shirts. He hasn’t owned a pair of cowboy boots in years.

 

Chris and Steve are a little smaller than Jared, but then that’s hardly unusual, given Jared’s abnormal height, and it’s really nice that Tom is almost as tall as him. James had only been two inches smaller than Jared. It was one of the things that drew Jared to him. He never wanted a boyfriend or partner a lot smaller than him. His height never bothered Jared, but he really didn’t want to have to bend down a lot when being with his boyfriend.

 

The men both have strong handshakes and Jared thinks he could like them. They grin at him and offer him one of the chairs, but first Tom drags him over the grill and introduces him to Jim, owner of the local diner/bar and maker of the meanest steak in the country. Jim is older than any of the other guys with a full beard, a backwards baseball cap and a gruff expression, but when he welcomes Jared to town with a friendly smile Jared instantly knows he will like the man.

 

They sit down a little later and Jared takes a sip of his beer. It cools his throat and his nerves a little. Over the last few years it had always been James making small talk when needed and Jared feels a little awkward and at a loss of what to say. But all of the guys seem nice enough and Jared slowly relaxes.

 

“So, Jared we hear from Tom that you’ve been a Texas fugitive for the last few years. What made you decide to move to Dalton?” Chris is the first to ask and Jared sees the warning look he receives from Tom for the question.

 

It’s clear that Tom had warned them of Jared’s husband’s death earlier, but somehow Jared is more grateful than bothered for that. He hates the awkward conversation when he has to tell people that his husband died. He hates the pitiful looks and the stumbling apologies as people look away, as if it makes them uncomfortable to even think about death even more. He’s really sick of them, but he doesn’t see any like that in these guys’ eyes. They just look at him with kindness and curiosity.

 

He twirls his beer bottle between his hands and takes a deep breath before he speaks, “A very good friend of mine just moved here with her family and since me and the kids needed a change we followed them.”

 

The guys nod, but no one asks why Jared and the kids would need a change. Jim is looking at Jared with an attentive look on his face.

 

“You are JT,” and when Jared looks surprised at the older man, he explains laughing, “Boy, you’ve got a lot to learn about our town. I own the diner and everyone in this town eats there at least once a week. I met Sophia, Misha and the kids shortly after they moved here. Nice family. And Sophia said something about a friend of her moving here. She should have told us it would be today. We would have been there to help.”

 

It seems as if Jim isn’t the only one who already met Sophia and her family, because Jared can see recognition in his new friend’s eyes. They also mumble their agreement, when Jim mentions helping Jared move, and Jared feels himself blush. He isn’t used to so much open friendliness. In Chicago it’s everybody for himself. It’s the curse of living in a cosmopolitan city. “Thanks, but we managed.” He looks and gives Tom a grateful smile. “And besides Tom here helped enough. How’s your back by the way?”

 

Tom laughs. “It’s fine.”

 

Mike runs a hand down his husband’s back. “Besides, thanks to your box full of bricks I had him all laid out on our bed for two hours this afternoon to work out his kinks. Poor thing suffered through the whole treatment.” He waggles his eyebrows. “If you know what I mean.”

 

Jared manages a short grin before the memories of James become too much and his grin falls of his face. He tries to bury his face into his beer and hopes that the others don’t see it. While Chris, Steve and Tom bicker about how much information is too much information. Jim waves Jared over to him.

 

“You know, JT. Can I call you JT?” Jared nods. “Well JT, my wife died five years ago and I miss her every day of my life. But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy my life and the memories of my wife. Y’know, you are allowed to laugh and be happy without feeling guilty. I don’t think your husband would’ve wanted you to feel bad about being happy.” Jared is a little taken aback by Jim’s bluntness and it seems to show on his face. “I’m just telling you that it’s okay to smile and laugh at the memories of your husband. You are allowed to mourn, but don’t let it become your life, because you’ve got a hell of a lot to live for, and not just because of those kids. I can tell you from experience that smiling and laughing and maybe even talking about your memories makes it easier.”

 

Jared nods, even though he’s not sure if he believes it or if he’ll be able to follow through with the advice.

 

“Does it ever get easier?” Jared asks quietly.

 

Jim looks at him with a sad smile on his face and shrugs. “There are good and bad days. Sometimes, even after five years my heart aches so much for her that it’s hard to go on. But I’ve come to appreciate all the memories I have of her and they are helping me to go on living.”

 

“Hey Jim, what’s going on with these steaks of yours? Are they done?” Mike disrupts their quiet conversation and Jared is grateful that he doesn’t have to reply to Jim.

 

“They’re almost ready. How about you get these rugrats of yours and Jared down here?” Jim mumbles.

 

Mike grins, walks over to the back door and yells. “Rugrats, dinner is ready.”

 

Not a minute later Jared hears feet stomping through the house and then all six of the kids appear on the terrace. Luke and Evan have both red, sweaty faces and when Mike sees them he points inside.

 

“You two, go and wash up before you sit down.”

 

Evan rolls his eyes, but motions for Luke to follow him back inside.

 

“What about you?” Jared asks his two daughters.

 

“I’m all pretty, daddy,” Sophie-Ellie answers, showing her hands and Jared sees the red nail polish on her nails and then he notices the glittering pins in her hair.

 

“You look beautiful, sweetie,” he says and presses a kiss to her temple.

 

When Luke and Evan come back out, Jim has the steaks ready. They start to dig in and just like Tom said it is the best steak Jared ever ate. He says as much and Jim grins smugly. They eat mostly in silence and Jared finds himself enjoying the silent company. James’ would have liked these guys.

 

**

 

“Hey,” Jared looks up from the book he’s reading his back is resting against a trunk and he has to hold up his head to shield his eyes from the sun to see who’s talking to him. But if he’s honest he already knows it’s James. They’ve only met three days ago, but Jared his sure he will never ever forget the guy’s voice. Jared is just a little sad that they didn’t get assigned to be roommates. But James doesn’t live far, just five minutes to walk.

 

“Hi,” Jared smiles at James.

 

“You mind?” James asks, pointing to the spot next to Jared and Jared shakes his head.

 

“No, please.”

 

James lays his coat on the grass and plops down next to Jared, resting against the tree just like Jared. Their arms brush and Jared feels the familiar heat, he always gets when James is even so much as looking at him, pool in his belly.

 

“What’re you readin’?”

 

And Jared has to look down to the book in his lap, because he can’t for the life of him remember what book it is.

 

“’War and Peace’,” he replies after a short look at the title.

 

James raises his eyebrows. “Wow, Tolstoy, that’s pretty heavy reading you’ve got there.”

 

Jared shrugs and hopes that James will still like him after he finds out that this is Jared’s secret passion. “I like the Russian authors,” he says a little defensively. He has ever since he found a copy of ‘Dr. Zhivago’ in his’ old high school’s library. The book tells the story of Dr. Jurij Zhivago and the two women he loves in times of the Russian Revolution. It’s epic and Jared loves every single page of it. He knows it’s not common for teenager to be into Russian literature and most guys he met think it’s completely lame.

 

James smiles softly. “Dude, I didn’t mean to offend you. If that’s your thing, that’s great. I’m not so much into books myself. I rather watch a good action movie, but if you like them that’s fine.”

 

Jared’s eyes light up. “Really? You don’t think it’s lame?”

 

“Jared, you’re a lot of things, but I promise you that lame definitely isn’t one of them.” James leans a bit closer. “First, you’re gorgeous. You’re passionate. I can tell because, you’re eyes light up when you read your books.” He leans even closer. “You’re kind, intelligent and you have the most amazing smile and dimples.”

 

Jared smiles and lowers his head, so James won’t see that his cheeks are bright red. But James puts his forefinger under Jared’s chin and lifts it, forcing Jared to look at him. His eyes are shining and he has a fond look on his face.

 

“You’re gorgeous when you blush,” James whispers and Jared is sure that James will kiss him now. God, he wants nothing more than to feel James’ lips pressed softly against his. Ever since they met James flirted with Jared, but he has never tried to kiss Jared.

 

But James doesn’t kiss him, he just entwines their fingers and asks casually, “Did I tell you I’m gay?” Jared shakes his head slowly, but he’s not able to say anything. “Well, I am and I’d really like to go out with you. You want to go out with me, Jared?” Jared nods frantically, because his voice is still absent. James grins. “They’re showing ‘Dr. Zhivago’ in one of the classic’s cinemas in town. Would you like to go?”

 

Jared has never been on a date before, with Colin it was all about kissing and a little touching. He nods, grinning so hard that his cheeks hurt, and finally he found his voice again. “Yes!”

 

~

 

“Read to me.”

 

“What?” Jared looks up from ‘Anna Karenina’. He has to read it for his Russian lit. class. He has read it before, but he thinks it wouldn’t do any harm to read it again. Besides he loves reading and it’s not as if it’s hard work even though the book has over thousand pages. Jared will read everything he can grab. He has always a book in his bag to read when he finds the time between classes. His biggest love is the Russian authors, but he also loves love stories and thriller. He just loves books.

 

James is lying on the bed, the textbook he should be reading for his engineering class sitting next to him. Jared is sitting at the desk, because studying on a dorm bed with two people in it that are as tall as James and Jared, yeah, not possible.

 

James pushes up on his elbows. “I want you to read to me.” He pats the small space next to him on the bed. “Come here.”

 

Jared shakes his head, but smiles fondly. They’ve been together for a little over a month now and are practically combined at their hips. Misha, Jared’s roommate, just calls them Siamese twins. Jared is really glad to have Misha as a roommate, because the guy is really cool and always leaves the room to Jared and James when needed. Misha and he are becoming really good friends. The other boy is studying theology and philosophy. It’s just as uncommon as Jared’s passion for Russian books. So, they have something to relate to.

 

Jared really wishes Sophia and Sandy would be here with him. Sophia is currently learning how to be a mid-wife in San Antonio and Sandy is studying design in LA. But, both girls have promised to visit as soon as possible. They’re constantly teasing Jared about his new boyfriend and can’t wait to finally meet him.

 

“Please, JT. I love your voice and you can study all the same.”

 

“You want me to read ‘Anna Karenina’ to you?” Jared asks. He can’t believe what James his saying, he hates Russian literature. He even fell asleep during their first date watching ‘Dr. Zhivago’. James was totally embarrassed after waking up and he had apologized three-hundred-thousand-times before Jared leaned down and shut him up with their first kiss. It was soft and sweet and Jared is sure he’ll never forget it.

 

He hadn’t been mad or angry. He knew that movies like ‘Dr. Zhivago’ weren’t everybody’s thing. Sophia and Sandy had teased him enough about it when they were still in high school. So, Jared had just been happy that James suggested watching the movie. It was the thought that counted. Jared loved it. It wasn’t as good as the book, but it still touched him.

 

James smiles and Jared knows he will give his boyfriend everything he asks for. “I don’t care. I just wanna hear your voice, all smooth and sexy.”

 

Jared laughs, grabs his book and lies down next to his boyfriend. He never read to James before and feels a little nervous. But James’ head settles on Jared’s chest and his right hand comes resting shortly above Jared’s waistband rubbing over his hipbone subconsciously and that calms him considerably. They haven’t gone all the way, only passionate make-out sessions and one hand-job ‘til now, but James’ thumb rubbing over his hipbone sends pleasant shivers through Jared’s body. And Jared wants to. He never thought about letting someone in his body before, but he wants James to make love to him, to feel the other boy deep inside him.

 

When he starts reading, his voice is deeper and a little shaky. But when James notices he doesn’t say so.

 

**

 

When they finish dinner Jared helps Mike to clean away the dishes, even though the other man tells him to sit his ass down, he’s a guest. And Jared tells him to suck it up and accept his help. It doesn’t take long and they’re back to two new cold beers in front of them. The kids are enjoying their ice cream.

 

Annie, Luke and Sophie-Ellie seem really comfortable around the twins and Evan and Jared couldn’t be more grateful for that. Annie has relaxed so much that she’s even starting to smile from time to time. She talks to Maddie and Lizzy mostly, but even answers the one or two questions Mike or Tom ask her. She tells them she likes it here so far and that’ll she is glad she already knows someone when she’ll start school in a few weeks.

 

Luke and Evan go off and play ball for a little while, while Sophie-Ellie curls up on Jared’s lap, her head resting beneath his chin. He closes his arms around her and soon her steady breathing tells him that she’s asleep. The guys all smile at the picture. Jim even tells him how sweet he thinks Sophie-Ellie is and Mike complains that his are already too old for that. He exchanges a look with Tom and Jared knows what it is about. It’s the same look James always got when thinking about another baby, a glint in his eyes and a silent smile on his face. It hurts to think about James and that they’ll never have another child, but Jared snaps out of it and concentrates on what his new friends are talking about.

 

They talk about random stuff. Chris and Steve talk about their band and the gig they are having the weekend after the next in Dallas. Tom rants about his boss, Mr. Whealer, at the company he’s working at as an accountant. Except for Mr. Whealer Tom really likes his job. He always had a thing for numbers.

 

Tom also talks a bit how he and Mike met. They met in their first year in college. They both went to Berkeley Tom studying economics and accounting and Mike studying education. However, when Mike got pregnant with the twins late in their senior year they decided to move back to Mike’s home town and raise the kids there. Mike stays at home with the kids, ever since the twins were born. He really likes it and is happy with being a househusband and taking care of Tom and the kids.

 

And Jared, he talks about the job he took at the local paper and that he’ll start next Monday. He has gotten the job a few weeks earlier, when he called the local paper to ask if they needed someone. He talked to Sam Ferris, the chief editor, and she asked him about experience and he told her that he had worked for the Chicago Tribune for the last few years. She seemed pretty impressed, but asked why he didn’t work for a bigger paper in Dallas, since he was obviously talented enough and Jared explained about the kids and needing to be able to work from home.

 

Sam told him she’d think about it and called him the next day to tell him the job was his, if he still wanted it. And he did. She also told him that he had to write about everything that was going on in Dalton, because they were a small paper and she couldn’t afford journalists for only one or two categories. Jared is fine with that and he’s kinda nervous about is new job, but also a lot exited. And he can’t really wait to meet Sam Ferris in person, because she seems like a really smart lady – not to mention tough, but fair.

 

He also explains why his nickname is JT and tells stories about the kids. He doesn’t talk about James and no one asks. He’s more than grateful for that.

 

The evening comes to an end and Mike and Tom offer to take Annie, Luke and Sophie-Ellie to the lake with them tomorrow, for swimming and sunbathing. The kids are thrilled, even his oldest has a sparkle in her eyes he hasn’t seen for six months and Jared says ‘yes and thank you’. Jared is still baffled by all the open kindness that’s thrown at him, but he slowly gets that’s what people do in Dalton, or at least the people he already met. And Jared really likes these people and really thinks he could become good friends with them. It also means he can get the groceries shopping done without screaming kids and maybe even look for a car.

 

Jim hands him a business card of a friend of him who sells cars. “Tell him Jim sent you and he’ll make you a fair prize.”

 

And then Evan asks the question that will probably change Jared’s life forever. He just doesn’t know it yet.

 

“Luke, you play baseball?” Luke nods. “You wanna play with me in our baseball team, then?”

 

The boy’s eyes light up and he looks over to his dad. “Can I, daddy? Please.” Sports had always been James’ department. He had been the one to play basketball in college and he later he played baseball and basketball with Luke and went horse riding with Annie. Jared is better at cheering.

 

Jared grins and ruffles his son’s hair. “Why not? And maybe Brendan will want to go, too.” Luke’s eyes light even more up with the mention of his best friend. Jared looks at Tom and Mike. “When’s training?”

 

“How about you’ll come with us on Sunday afternoon to the little league game and we’ll introduce you? Jenny, a friend of ours, coaches the little guys.” Mike suggests. “Is really good at that, too.”

 

“We’re not little, Dad.” Evan throws in and Mike laughs, ruffling his hair.

 

“Sorry. The big guys.” He looks back to Jared. “So, what do you think? Jenny is really cool and the kids like their coach.”

 

“Yeah, sounds good. I’ll call for the exact time, okay.” They exchanged number earlier and Mike nods.

 

“We’ll pick the kids up at ten.”

 

They say goodbye and Jared and the kids walk over to their new house. Maybe moving wasn’t so bad. Maybe they finally will be able to move on.

 

 

 

Chapter Two

 

Jensen grabs his bag from the luggage claim and heads for the exit. For the last two weeks he has been in LA to visit his little sister, Mackenzie. She had just given birth to her second child, a beautiful little girl and since Jensen needed some time off from work he decided to visit her family.

 

Being the sheriff of a little town like Dalton could sometimes be a little stressful, especially with a deputy like Chad. He is a constant pain in Jensen’s ass, always there to go on Jensen’s nerves, make a smart-ass comment and just drive him plain crazy. But Jensen knows that Chad has a good heart, even though he buries it under tons of annoyance, and he is a good deputy. Just like Jensen Chad grew up in Dalton and the citizens know him, confide in him. So, Jensen keeps him at the station, even though every grey hair on his head is caused by Chad, or so Jensen insists.

 

And when it isn’t Chad that’s keeping Jensen on the go, it’s someone else. Being born and growing up in Dalton and being the sheriff means that everybody in town knows you and always wants to talk to you. People in a little town can be pretty demanding. If it’s a missing cat or rebelling teenagers or old Chuck always claiming someone stole his car, even though he just parked it somewhere else, they always want Jensen.

 

Jensen really likes being the sheriff, being in constant contact with the people of his town and the people like and respect him, too. But it had been nice to relax for two weeks, and now Jensen is glad he is back in Texas. He misses his home fiercely whenever he has to leave the state. And he never even considered moving away. It is nowhere like it is in Texas, especially not LA. The town is too much in everything for his taste: money, status, prestige, looks. He likes it nice and quiet, without fake kindness and needless small talk.

 

He walks into the arrival hall of Dallas Fort Worth International Airport and sees JD standing in the middle of the crowd waiting for him. The older man wears jeans, cowboy boots and a dark blue shirt and Jensen feels like coming home. JD’s dark hair is hidden under his usual Stetson and he starts grinning when he sees Jensen.

 

JD had married Jensen’s mom, Donna, two years after his dad, Alan, had passed away when Jensen was twelve. He had hated the older man for the better of his teenage years, but he eventually he got used to his mother’s new husband and years later they even became good friends.

 

They still own the cattle ranch Alan had bought in the seventies. That was also the reason why JD and Donna met. After Alan passed away, he left Donna with three children and ranch work she couldn’t do herself. She had workers, but none of them could lead the ranch. So, she started a search for a conductor who could help her out and JD came and never left again.

 

“Boy, how’ve you been?” JD pulls Jensen into a manly hug, after the younger man made his way through the crowd. JD always calls him boy or son, doesn’t matter that Jensen is in his mid-thirties and not JD’s son and Jensen doesn’t mind it.

 

“Good, thanks.” They make their way to the parking lot.

 

“How’s Mac doing?”

 

Jensen grins. “Great. Believe me, you would never think she just gave birth six weeks ago.” Donna had been to visit Mac, Pete, her husband and Lauren, her four-year-old granddaughter, shortly after Mac had given birth, but JD had to stay at the ranch.

 

JD smiles. “That’s good. And the little one?”

 

“Sarah Marie? She’s gorgeous, dude. She looks just like her mother. She even has some hair already.” Jensen loads his bag into the back of JD’s truck and climbs inside, before adding, “Mac told me to tell you that they are planning to come down here for Thanksgiving. But I’m pretty sure she has already talked to mom.”

 

JD nods. “Probably. But do they tell me anything? No.” He sighs in fake annoyance.

 

Jensen laughs and JD joins him. Over the last fifteen years it had been like that with them, talking, laughing, having a good time. It had been the years before Jensen turned eighteen that had been difficult for them. He had given JD a really hard time, always argued with him and didn’t listen to JD, when the older man asked him to do something. They fought more than once and there might have been some hurtful words involved.

 

Josh and Mac never had a problem with JD, though. Josh was a junior in high school when his dad died and he took to JD very well. Jensen had been at a loss of how his brother could accept JD so easily, but Josh only always told him that he was making mom happy. And Mac, she was only five when her dad died and JD easily became her substitute dad. She even calls him that. For Josh and Jensen JD is still JD, but for Mac he’s her dad.

 

It was the summer after Jensen’s high school graduation that changed Jensen’s mind. Alan had died falling off a horse and then one day Jensen found his mom laying flowers on the ground where they had found his dad. He had never seen her do that before and he really believed that she already had forgotten Alan. When he asked her about it and told her that he always thought she had forgotten Alan, she gave him a sad smile and told him that she could never forget Alan and that she still loved him very much. She also told him that she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life alone and that JD really made her happy.

 

Jensen considered what his mother had told him for a few days, before finding his mom dancing with JD in the kitchen, laughing. Only then did he really understand what his mother meant when she said that JD made her happy. Jensen had never seen his mother so happy since Alan’s death and slowly he started to understand that JD had helped his mom to be happy again. Jensen had apologized for his behavior and JD had instantly forgiven him. Now, Jensen is really glad that he was smart enough to pull his head out of his ass at the time.

 

They drive for about an hour, before they reach the welcome sign to Dalton. JD drops Jensen off at his apartment down town and invites him for Sunday dinner, before driving off. The apartment is only three blocks from the station and Jensen definitely plans on going over there, but first he needs a shower and something to eat.

 

He climbs the two staircases to his apartment and unlocks the door. Heat and stuffy air hits him and the first thing he does is jerking open the windows to let fresh air in. It’s hot outside, but it’s still better than this fug.

 

The apartment isn’t big. It has a combined kitchen/living area, two bedrooms – one is Jensen’s office – and a bathroom, but it’s all Jensen needs. He kicks of his boots and sheds his sweaty, sticky jeans and shirt, before jumping in the shower. A shower is just what he needs after the three hour flight and the hour in JD’s truck.

 

After his shower, he drapes a towel around his waist and pads into the kitchen on his search for something edible. He finds nothing, except for two weeks old milk. Yuk! Guess that means he has to go groceries shopping. Well, on his way to the store he can stop by the station.

 

Jensen puts on clean clothes and pulls on his boots. His hat is hanging by the front door. He grabs his wallet and keys, locks the door and rushes down the stairs. The supermarket is a five minute walk from Jensen’s apartment and he enjoys the heat and the Texan air.

 

He stops by the station. Alona, his secretary, is surprised to see him, because he shouldn’t be back to work ‘til Monday. He tells her that he missed her and she blushes. She’s about ten years younger than he is and has long, blond hair, that’s currently lifted into a messy bun, blue eyes and red kissy lips. And if Jensen would play the other team, he’d definitely ask her out. Since he doesn’t they’re only good friends.

 

And she secretly runs the place; if it weren’t for her probably no one would answer the phone, write letters or check the mail. She’s the heart and soul of the station, even though she’s only in her mid-twenties and everybody likes her. She always friendly and has a great way with people, but she knows exactly what she wants and doesn’t take shit from anybody.

 

Chad and his partner Adrienne Palicki are not in today and Jensen sends a little prayer to heaven for that. It’s not that they don’t get along, but Chad knows exactly how to rile Jensen up and Jensen really likes to keep his peace for a little while longer. Adrienne is a great girl, though, and she knows exactly how to handle Chad. Most of the staff ignores Chad and his statements and they get along just fine, then.

 

Charles Whitfield, everyone calls him Charlie, is in though. He has been Jensen’s partner before Jensen became sheriff and they’re good friends. He’s a quiet guy, doesn’t talk much, but has a big heart.

 

Jensen’s been sheriff for a little over three years now and he was probably the youngest deputy to become sheriff in town history. But when old Earl retired three years ago he really wanted someone young to become his replacement. He had always gotten on with Earl very well and Jensen guesses he had something to with motivating the citizens to elect Jensen three years ago.

 

Charles and he talk a little about Jensen’s vacation and what went on in town while he was away. Nothing major, thankfully. Katie Cassidy and her partner Fred Lehne are currently out at Baxter’s farm. It looks like someone made a little fire on one of his fields and Craig Baxter is pissed, but Jensen knows that Katie and Fred with their calm demeanor are perfectly able to handle it.

 

Chad Lindberg, their computer expert, is sitting in his office when Jensen holds his head inside and says hello. Lind, that’s what everybody calls him, so he isn’t confused with Chad Murray, just nods a short hello and turns back to the three computer desktops in front of him.

 

Jensen stays for a coffee and then continues his hunt for some food. He walks into the chilly supermarket and greets Sally, the cashier and owner. He knows every person in this town and even if it can be a little demanding sometimes, Jensen wouldn’t want it any other way.

 

He walks down the aisle, grabs apples and bananas, because his mother will hunt him down if he doesn’t eat something healthy once in a while. He packs Cheerios and milk for breakfast. Just when he turns to grab some bread, someone in the corner of his eyes catches his attention. Jensen turns and finds himself only a few feet away from a Greek god. And what’s worse, he doesn’t know him. Dalton is small and he’d definitely remember someone like him.

 

The guy is tall, taller than Jensen and Jensen is six-one. So, this guy is at least six-four or six-five. The jeans he’s wearing hangs low on his hips, baggy and loose, but when he leans over the freezer Jensen can see that he hides a perfect ass beneath it. The white shirt is fairly loose, but when the man moves, the material gives an idea what’s under there, definitely a six-pack. And the dark hair that’s a little too long looks so soft, that Jensen wants to bury his fingers in it. Jensen feels his cock growing hard, he has always gone for the tall, dark and handsome types, and he wills it down. It would be bad to hit on the guy with a boner already in his pants. And he will definitely hit on that.

 

But before he makes his move, he checks the guy’s fingers for any sign of a ring. Jensen would never hit on or start something with a married guy, that’s just shitty. He isn’t wearing one. That’s a good sign, so he walks over to the guy, who’s currently checking out the meat section.

 

“Hey,” the guy turns towards Jensen. He has amazing eyes. They’re at least two different colors: hazel and green. And Jensen thinks to see something like gold in them, too. The guy looks tired and Jensen wonders a second about that, but decides that it’s not his problem. He swallows, before holding out his hand. “I’m Jensen. You’re new in town, right?”

 

The guy nods with a puzzled look on his face, but he shakes Jensen’s hand and replies, “Jared.”

 

“Hi, Jared. Nice to meet you. When did you move here?” Jensen shows his brightest smile. He knows he looks good. Why not use it? He also leans a little closer to Jared and brushes their arms together. The guy jumps back, as if he had been hit by lightning. Jensen doesn’t interpret too much into the action. The guy could just be shy.

 

“Yesterday,” he answer with a scowl and turns back to the meat section. This is not going like Jensen thought it would. Normally the guys he flirts with respond with a smile and not a scowl.

 

“So, do you like it here so far?” Jensen asks, leaning a little closer again. They hands are now only a few inches apart.

 

“So far,” Jared answers evasively, shifting away again.

 

“You’ve seen a lot of the town already?”

 

Jared shakes his head. “No, not yet.” He’s still keeping Jensen at distant, but Jensen won’t quit so easily. He’d really like to feel those gorgeous long legs around his waist sometime soon and he’s probably only a second away from sinking his hands into Jared’s hair.

 

“You like for me to show you around?” Jensen asks with a husky voice, trailing his finger over the back of Jared’s hand.

 

Jared freezes for a second under Jensen’s touch before jerking his hand away and saying with a stern look, “No, thanks. I’ll find my way around.”

 

Jensen groans internally, this guy is really playing hard to get. But Jensen won’t surrender so fast. “Maybe you’d like me to get you some lunch, then? I know an awesome diner just around the corner. They have the best steak in the state. Or we can go have drink or maybe watch a movie.”

 

“No, thanks,” Jared turns towards his cart, and Jensen curls his fingers around his wrist to stop him. He leans a little closer blocking Jared’s way to his cart. They’re almost chest-to-chest and Jensen can feel the heat radiating off Jared and he runs his thumb slowly over Jared’s soft skin.

 

He licks his lips and says with a sly smile, “Oh, come on, Jared. You know you want to.”

 

And Jared snaps. He pushes Jensen away and the older man stumbles back a few steps. He looks baffled at Jared. The other man straightens his back, showing his full height and growls, “Dude, piss off! I don’t want you to show me around anywhere and I sure as hell don’t want to have lunch or anything else with you. You clearly need some new pick-up lines, if you think you being annoying and persistent works on guys.”

 

The rude brush-off stuns Jensen for a moment. He opens his mouth to reply something, when Jared crosses his arms over his chest and Jensen gets the message.

 

“And now I’d be happy, if you wouldn’t molest me anymore,” Jared adds.

 

Molest Jared? Jensen snorts. “Frigid Asshole. God, what’s wrong with you? Did you lose your one true love or something?” he asks sarcastically and Jared’s face falls.

 

Suddenly Jared’s beautiful eyes are full of tears and his face contorts in so much hurt and grief that Jensen immediately wants to take it back, but Jared rushes away so fast Jensen doesn’t even get the chance. He shrugs. Doesn’t matter, the guy had it coming acting like a superior brat with a stick up his ass. He didn’t have to like Jensen, but he shouldn’t have been so snotty in rejecting him. Asshole.

 

He finishes his shopping and doesn’t see Jared again. Great if only jerks moved to town how should Jensen be able to find someone to share is life with and not just fuck?

 

~

 

Later that day, he’s sitting on Chris’ and Steve’s couch nursing a cold beer and a cigarette. He’s telling his friends about Mac and the baby. But he still can’t get this Jared guy out of this head. He was just what Jensen is looking for in a guy: tall, dark, broad shoulders and the floppy hair that fell into his eyes.

 

It bothers Jensen that he was brushed off this easily. Normally, he’s not the one who’s turned down. Normally, he’s the one saying ‘no, thanks’. Jensen knows he looks good, some might even call him pretty, so there were times when he had to fight off the guys with a stick. And right now it unnerves him that Jared, the guy Jensen would gladly gone out with or at least got a great fuck out of, brushed him off without a second look.

 

There wasn’t even a need to be so rude. He could have just told Jensen that he wasn’t interested or maybe that he’s not into guys. Jensen would have understood. But Jared choose to be an ass and Jensen shouldn’t even think about him anymore. But the guy won’t leave him alone, his tired face and the circles around his eyes. There is just something about Jared that is drawing Jensen in. Maybe he should try again? Maybe Jared wants to be seduced?

 

“Hey, Jenny,” Chris kicks against Jensen’s feet to get his attention. “What did Chad do now?”

 

Jensen frowns. “Chad? Nothing as far as I know. I haven’t seen him since I went on vacation. Why?”

 

“Then who got your panties in a bunch? You’ve been moping all night. Just like you always do when Chad riles you up.”

 

“I’m not moping,” Jensen scowls.

 

“Sure you are,” Steve replies. “Come on, y’know you wanna tell Uncle Stevie.”

 

Chris snorts a laugh and Jensen throws a pillow at his friend to shut him up. “It’s nothing. Just this guy… he’s just… God I’m even sure why I care. He’s just a stupid guy.”

 

“A guy,” Steve raises his eyebrows curiously, “in LA?”

 

Jensen shakes his head. “No. I saw him at Sally’s today. Said he just moved to the neighborhood and I asked him out and he was really an ass when he turned me down, flat and real snotty.”

 

Chris huffs a laugh. “A guy turned you down? Wow, miracles really do happen.”

 

Steve breaks into a laugh and Jensen crosses his arms defensively over his chest. “He was beautiful, tall as hell, dark, floppy hair, broad shoulders, endless legs absolutely gorgeous. Said his name is Jared. I just asked him if I could show him around, because he’s new, y’know figured we could get together - but he just snapped and told me to fuck off.” Jensen explains shortly how he saw him in the store and tells Chris and Steve what he said and how Jared replied. “See, total dick.”

 

Steve and Chris share a short look before Chris says angrily, “Well, Jensen gets the cake, I think. I didn’t know you were such an ass or so insensitive, dude. Jesus! You really need to stop thinking with your dick, moron.”

 

His chin drops at Chris’s aggressiveness. He can’t remember Chris ever being so pissed at him. “What the hell…?” Jensen starts, but Steve interrupts him with disappointment and anger shining in his eyes.

 

“He’s right. This time you’ve a crossed a line, Jen. We know that you’ll hit on pretty much any guy, but Jared? Dude, that’s just cruel.”

 

“What the fuck are you talking about? It’s not as if he’s married. I check his hand, no ring! Damn it, he was a jerk, okay? He could have just said he’s not interested, but no, he snapped and bitched non-stop. It’s not my problem when the guy’s a frigid asshole.”

 

“Tell me, you didn’t call him that,” Steve says pissed off, but has a note of pleading in his voice.

 

“Sure I did, ‘cause he was!” Jensen feels completely justified here and he can’t really understand why his friends are flipping out like this. “Also asked him if his one true love just died, because he was acting like such an ass. Seemed to have hit him pretty hard.”

 

Chris jumps up. “You’re lucky that we’ve been friends for forever, dude, because otherwise I would punch you in the face right now. Jeez, Jensen, I love you like a brother, but sometimes I’d really like to kick your fucking ass.”

 

“Damn, Jensen. You’re the sheriff. Do you really think it’s wise to talk to people like this?” Steve shakes his head slowly.

 

“He was an ass!” Jensen insists.

 

“You’re so damn thoughtless sometimes Jensen, try using your brain not your dick next time you meet a guy!” Steve says sadly and slowly Jensen feels at a loss here. Why are his friends so damn protective over this Jared guy? They don’t even know the guy. Something feels really off.

 

“Okay, I’m getting a little sick of the pissy holy-than-thou attitude you guys have got going on. You’ve never cared about me hitting on loads of guys before so what’s different this time? What the hell is going on with you two?” Jensen runs his hands through his hair perplexed. “You have never acted like this before. And I’d really like for one of you to tell me what the fuck you are talking about, because I sure as hell don’t know. Why wouldn’t I hit on Jared? He’s hot.”

 

Steve throws his hands in the air in an annoyed gesture. “Because his husband died six months ago, you jackass! He came here with his kids for a fresh start and I’m pretty sure doesn’t want to date anyone, be hit on or think about other guys! He couldn’t even talk about his dead husband. That’s why,” his friend exclaims.

 

“We met him yesterday at over at Tom’s. Jared and the kids moved into the house next door. God, when Tom told us that his husband died, he said that Jared was so devastated that he stuttered while explaining it to Tom. And you go there and actually ask him out. Don’t you think that’s pretty shitty? Man, the guy has kids and we really like him. You should look for someone else to fuck,” Chris says sternly.

 

All of a sudden Jensen feels as if all air is sucked out of the room and he falls down on the couch. His eyes are wide in shock and his face lost all its color. “What?” He whispers. “His husband’s dead and I hit on him. Shit.”

 

He runs his hand through his hair over and over again. Now, Jared’s pale face, his tired eyes and the abrasiveness towards Jensen make sense. God and Jensen even had to go and taunt him about losing his one true love. His friends are right he is an ass, but there was no way Jensen could have known.

 

Chris’ anger seems to have faded slightly, when he asks, “You didn’t know?” with an unsure voice.

 

Jensen looks up. “How could I? I wasn’t in town for two weeks. I haven’t talk to anyone ‘til now. How could I have known?” His anger is back and he jumps up pacing the room. “But thanks for your understanding. Now, at least I know what my so called friends think of me.” He grabs his things.

 

“Jen, c’mon man…” Chris starts, but Jensen brushes past him without listening and slams the door. He needs air.

 

The thing is his friends are actually right. He is an ass and he acted like one. If he had just known what happened to Jared, he could have…, he would have…, well he would have never hit on him in the first place. He thinks about calling Jared a frigid asshole and shortly considers going back to let Chris kick his ass, because he so deserves it.

 

God, he tears at his hair, how can he ever make that right again? He can just imagine what his other friends will say. Mike will kick his ass six ways from Sunday and Tom will look at him with this disappointed look in his eyes that is much more worst than every ass kicking he could get. And Chad, well, Chad will have a field day with that. He’ll probably tease him forever for that.

 

Could this day get any shittier?

 

Just when he thinks that he hears the growl of an impending summer thunderstorm. He hopes he’ll get home still dry, but just as he starts walking the first raindrops are falling and soon Jensen is drenched. Great, his life really hates him today.

 

~

 

The next time Jensen sees Jared, he’s sitting in Jim’s diner eating his breakfast the next morning. He just told Jim about the whole dilemma with Jared and the fight with his best friends. The only answer he gets is ‘this was bound to be happen someday’, if Jim means Jared or Chris and Steve, Jensen isn’t sure, but the older man won’t clarify his answer.

 

He looks out of the window just in time to see Jared walking down the street with three kids by his side.

 

“Are they Jared’s?” Jensen asks tiredly. He hasn’t really slept all that well last night. He still feels bad about what happened yesterday and just can’t get Jared out of his head for some reason he’s not even sure of. Sure Jared’s is hot, but Jensen has wanted a lot of hot guys, has fucked a lot of hot guys and he never gave as much as a second thought. Something about Jared is different, though. If he just knew what it is, he could forget about it and move on.

 

Jim nods. “Yeah, Annie,” he points to a girl in jeans shorts and a tank top, “she’s the oldest. She’s eleven and a little closed off. The twins have already adopted her and I think it does her good. Luke,” the boy is wearing shorts and a light blue shirt, his hair is just like his dad’s, soft, dark and long, “is nine. He loves sports. And Sophie-Ellie,” the little girl is wearing a flowery, yellow dress and pigtails, “is six. She’s a real princess, but very sweet.”

 

Sophie-Ellie is telling her dad something. Jensen can’t hear what she’s saying, but it has to be something funny by the way she’s laughing. Jared smiles at her, and damn he has dimples. Jensen’s so screwed. When Jared spins the little girl through the air, a soft smile makes its way to Jensen’s face.

 

The smile falls away when he thinks about how he approached Jared yesterday. He doesn’t even know what had gotten into him. He really has to apologize for that. He’s the sheriff; he can’t have anyone angry with him. And he doesn’t want Jared to hate him. Jensen can accept if Jared doesn’t want to go out with him, but when the younger man is already friends with Jensen’s other friends he at least wants Jared to like him. He’s just glad that Chris and Steve don’t seem to have informed Mike and Tom or he would already have gotten a call.

 

Maybe he should make Jared his mom’s famous apple-pie. According to his mom this pie could restore peace, maybe he should see if his mom’s right. And flowers, he knows Jared’s not a girl, but when he just moved into his house he could use flowers.

 

“You wanna hear what I think, Jen?” Jensen looks up to meet Jim’s gaze and nods, because if he wants to know or not, Jim will tell him what he thinks. “You should keep your distance. Jared is pretty much still married to his husband, buried or not. He’s really in no way ready to start dating again, Jen.”

 

Jensen nods. “This isn’t about dating. I just feel like a complete ass and I want to at least apologize. I thought maybe making my mom’s apple-pie for him.”

 

Jim frowns. “Give him some time to cool off. I don’t think it’s the best idea to go over there now and hassle him.”

 

“I’m not gonna hassle him. I’m just gonna say sorry. And nothing says sorry like my mom’s pie,” Jensen defends himself. Then, he puts a twenty on the counter. “Thanks for breakfast, Jim. I’ll see you later.” He walks out of the diner with a smile on his face because it really sounds like an awesome idea. Jim’s ‘don’t do anything stupid’ follows him home.

 

~

 

Two hours later he’s standing in front of Jared’s house. He was surprised but pleased when Molly at the registration office told him that Jared had bought old Mrs. Keller’s house. It feels like a sign that Jared bought the house next to Jensen’s friends Mike and Tom. They are practically bound to meet.

 

He’s holding his mother’s famous apple-pie in one hand – his own version is not as good as his mother’s, but it’s still very good – and a bouquet of different summer flowers in the other. Jensen really hopes that Jared can forgive him for being an ass, even though he didn’t know it at the time and they at least can become friends.

 

Jensen rings the bell and after a few seconds a young girl with dark, long hair and freckles opens the door. She’s wearing the same shorts and shirt she wore this morning and Jensen remembers that Jim told him that her name is Annie.

 

When she sees Jensen she frowns and when she notices the flowers and the pie it turns into a scowl. She crosses her arms over her chest and taps her foot on the floor.

 

“Yes?” She asks abrasively.

 

Jensen is taken aback at first, but then he gives the girl a smile and asks, “Is your dad home?”

 

“No,” she answers, still scowling.

 

“Well, maybe you could tell him that Jensen has been here and give him the pie and the flowers?”

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

Jensen feels a little taken aback by the open hostility he receives, when he hears Jared call from the inside, “Annie, who’s at the door?” When he comes into sight his look turns from curiosity to anger in two seconds flat when he sees Jensen. He pats his daughter’s shoulder. “Go inside, sweetie.”

 

Annie mumbles something under breath that Jensen doesn’t get, but turns around and walks into the house, but not before shooting a death glare at Jensen.

 

“What do you want?” Just like Annie, Jared crosses his arms over his chest in an abrasive gesture.

 

This is going to be more difficult than Jensen thought and he gives Jared a small smile. “I wanted to give you these as a peace-offering.” He holds out the flowers and the pie, but Jared’s doesn’t move to take it. “I’m sorry we had a wrong start.”

 

“You wanna seduce me with pie and flowers now? I’m not a girl, y’know.” Jared’s voice is full of anger and disdain.

 

“No! What? I know you’re not a girl, that’s… Fuck, no. This,” Jensen shifts nervously and runs a hand over his hair.

 

“Daddy, he said a bad word.” A little girl with her hair in pigtails appears next to Jared looking at her dad with wide, shocked eyes.

 

Jared glares at him. And Jensen just wishes that the ground would open and swallow him, because this is so embarrassing.

 

“Don’t swear in front of my kids!”

 

“Fuck I don’t normally… shit, sorry! Oh crap, I didn’t mean to… sorry… uh, just sorry,” Jensen slaps his hand over his mouth. What the hell is wrong with him? He never had the problem swearing when he was with the twins or Evan. Why now?

 

“Dude, stop swearing in front of my kids!” Jared repeats angrily, before continuing, “Look, I don’t want your stupid flowers or your pie. I told you that I’m not interested. Why can’t you get that through your thick skull? And if you keep harassing me or my family I’m calling the sheriff.”

 

Jensen has at least the decency to blush and he says sheepishly, “Uh… you kinda told him already.” At Jared’s confused look Jensen clarifies, “I am the sheriff.” He kinda feels bad for admitting that.

 

“You’re kidding me?” Jared exclaims with a stunned look on his face. Jensen shakes his head slowly and Jared sighs, “Great, that’s just great. You always welcome new citizens to Dalton by insulting them?”

 

“No, I swear,” Jensen insists.

 

Jared shakes his head. “Just leave. You’re not welcome here.” He spins on his heels and slams his door shut.

 

‘Well, that went awesome, Ackles,’ Jensen thinks. But he puts the pie and the flowers next to Jared’s front door on the ground and leaves a short note. He hopes that Jared can forgive him one day. He’d really want that. Maybe he can try and give Jared some time and then after a few days gone by he can try again to talk to Jared? Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

 

 

 

Chapter Three

After Jared slams the door in Jensen’s face, he stomps back into the kitchen where Sophia is waiting for him. They were having a cup of coffee, catching up with each other, when Jensen rang the bell. Jared can’t believe that Jensen showed up at his front door with flowers and pie. Hadn’t Jared been clear enough yesterday? And now Jared couldn’t even call the sheriff to have this stupid stalker arrested, because Jensen is the sheriff. Well, shit.

 

“Honey, who was that?” Sophia looks at him with concerned eyes. She had probably heard Jared talking.

 

Jared sighs. “Just some guy. He came on to me yesterday when I went groceries shopping. I told him I’m not interested. But apparently he’s deaf or something, because he came to the house with flowers and pie, trying to convince me. And when I threatened to call the sheriff, he said he is the sheriff. Great, now I can’t even have him arrested for stalking.”

 

Sophia’s eyes widen in surprise. “You mean Jensen? As in Jensen ‘hot as fuck’ Ackles? That Jensen?”

 

Jared shrugs. “Guess that’s him. He didn’t say his last name, but I’m guessing there aren’t much Jensen’s around here. You met him?”

 

“Yeah,” Sophia nods, “he came by after we just moved here to introduce himself as the sheriff and offer any help. I really liked him. He seemed very nice and friendly. And hot.” She looks dreamily at Jared and he sighs.

 

“Well he is not, trust me.” He has a glare on his face and Sophia looks puzzled at him.

 

“I’m guessing you meeting him didn’t go too well, right?”

 

“You could say that,” Jared sighs again, not really wanting to talk about. But he knows that Sophia would not leave it alone until Jared told her all the details. “It’s just… yesterday he was an ass, trying to get me to go out with him and rubbing up against me. It was like battling off some horny teenager! Thanks, but I don’t need that. And he called me a frigid asshole after I told him ‘no’, oh and then he asked if my true love had died…and…that just got to me I guess…,” Jared’s still pissed as hell pacing the kitchen.

 

Jared can’t remember ever having someone calling him something like that, just because he got turned down. Over the years a few guys tried to hit on Jared and he always turned them down, but none of them were as persistent as this Jensen guy. James always laughed when some guy hit on Jared. His husband never had a possessive streak and always saw it more like a compliment that someone hit on Jared. In retrospect, Jared would have liked if James had been a bit more possessive.

 

“He said what? Wow what an ass.” Sophia shakes her head angrily, but she looks still a little puzzled, as if what Jared is telling her doesn’t match with the Jensen Sophia met. “Hmm, he didn’t seem to me like the obnoxious type,” she shrugs. “Guess I was wrong.” She stands up and walks over to Jared to stop him from run a whole in the ground. “I know what he said hurt you but don’t take it to heart, JT. He isn’t worth it.” She gently strokes his cheek and Jared leans into her soft touch. He’s really glad she’s here.

 

Jared knows Jensen isn’t worth it, but it still angers him, especially the part, about having lost his one true love. He didn’t tell Sophia, because he knows she will just tell him that Jensen couldn’t have known about James and therefore didn’t mean it. And Jared knows that, but it still hurts like hell, having something like that thrown at him, whether Jensen knew or not doesn’t lessen the pain.

 

“I know he isn’t,” Jared sighs. “But he comes here and tries to seduce me with pie and flowers and then swears in front of Sophie-Ellie. It’s annoying.”

 

Sophia gives him a sympathetic smile. “Well, if you need me to kick his ass you just tell me, okay?” Jared smiles back slightly and shakes his head.

 

A second later Sophia checks her watch and stands up. “Well, thanks for the coffee, JT. But I really have to get going when I want to be on time for my next appointment.”

 

Jared nods. “Sure.” He follows her to the front door. He hands Sophia her purse and kisses her cheek.

 

“Drive safe, okay?”

 

“I will,” she smiles and adds, “Thanks for watching the kids this afternoon. I didn’t want to leave them at the babysitter again.”

 

“No problem,” Jared waves it away, “and besides when Luke and Brendan want to join the baseball team it will be nice to get to know the people and kids beforehand.”

 

“That’s true. Tell me if the coach is hot, okay?” Sophia grins.

 

“It’s a woman and her name is Jenny,” Jared grins back. “That means nothing for you to look at,” he teased.

 

Sophia huffs, but a second later she’s grinning again. “Well, it means for you nothing, either.”

 

The atmosphere shifts to awkward all of a sudden and Jared runs a hand through his hair uncomfortably. “Sophia…”

 

“JT,” she interrupts him, “there is nothing wrong with looking at hot guys or maybe even dating one. It’s been six months, honey. You need to move on. You are allowed to. You deserve to be loved and happy.”

 

Jared knows she only wants him to be okay again. But still, the thought about moving on, about leaving James behind makes Jared want to puke. It’s not as if he doesn’t miss to be loved, to be held or kissed or cherished, but he just can’t imagine someone else than James doing it.

 

Jared nods more for Sophia’s sake, than really meaning it. “And I will. I just don’t want to date right now. I have enough on my plate right now: the kids, a new job, a new town, without getting a new boyfriend.” And besides, it still feels like it had been yesterday they buried James. He is just not ready to even think of letting anyone in.

 

His mother had called him three months after James died to tell Jared that she found some candidates for him to date. She told him that it had been three months since James death and that he needed to get back ‘on the market’. The kids would need another father. Jared had just said ‘no’ and hung up, before bursting into tears. He hasn’t talked to his mother since, except for the call where he informed her that they were all moving to Dalton.

 

**

 

It’s a freezing morning in Chicago and the weather is just like Jared feels, cold and grey. Ever since the terrible night in the ER it seems like all the colors have been sucked out of his life. He still can’t believe what happened three days ago. It feels surreal. Jared’s life goes on behind a veil of hurt, guilt and sorrow. He hasn’t really slept in the last days, the kids always at the front of his mind. ‘Make sure that the kids are okay’, had become his mantra in the last days.

 

All three of his kids have become very quiet. There is no laughing going on in the house, no stomping down the stairs or screaming, because someone lost at playing PS2. Annie hasn’t really spoken, since that night at his in-laws house when he told his children that her papa is gone. She’s buried in her books or looks through the telescope standing at her window like she always did with James.

 

Luke is always twirling the baseball in his hand James gave him the week before he got pneumonia. They haven’t even had the chance to try it out. For Luke it seems to be the last connection to his papa. Jared even found that Luke takes it to bed with him. Luke is also a little quieter, not that he was a talker before James’ death, but right now he talks even less.

 

Sophie-Ellie, however, is constantly asking question about God and angels and if her papa is now in heaven and what heaven looks like. Jared feels at a loss of how to answer her million questions. He’s never be religious, and he’s so thankful that he has Misha who answers every single question Sophie-Ellie has with patience and understanding.

 

His best friend graduated in theology and philosophy and is a professor at college. Jared has never been more grateful for Misha’s particular interests. He didn’t know what he would do without him and Sophia. They have taken charge of Jared’s and his kid’s life. They helped to arrange the funeral, helped him choose the casket and the flowers for the funeral service. They take care of the children and have practically moved into Jared’s house.

 

Luke and Sophie-Ellie seem to find some comfort in the presence of Sophia’s and Misha’s kids Brendan and Benjamin. Brendan likes to be called Dan, because Bren is lame and is too close to Ben. Sophie-Ellie is the only one who gets away with calling him Brenny and it still makes Jared smile every time. Dan is Luke’s age and growing up together made them best friends. He keeps Luke company and even if they’re just sitting outside together doing nothing, it seems to help the boy.

 

Benjamin is Sophie-Ellie’s age and even though they are very different from each other they’re still best friends. Ben is more interested in dinosaurs and geology. He collects a lot of stones. And Sophie-Ellie loves to play with her dolls and make tea parties. Even though they are so different they always find something to do together. Ben even always brings Sophie-Ellie the prettiest stone he finds on his forays and she puts it on the sideboard above her bed. Right now Ben even lets Sophie-Ellie decorate his hair with sparkling hair pins, even though he normally hates that.

 

It tells Jared how much James’ death affected even Sophia’s kids. They had all been a big family together. There wasn’t a day that went by without seeing or talking to each other. Jared is Dan’s godfather and James was Ben’s. All the kids were either at Jared’s and James’ house or over at Sophia’s and Misha’s. So, it’s understandable that Dan and Ben are also affected by James’ death. However, he wasn’t their father, so it’s still a big difference for them.

 

Sandy and Alexis arrived yesterday from Dallas. Jared and Sophia met Sandy in high school and Jared and Sandy even dated for a short while, before it became clear that they’re both gay. They’ve all kept in close contact over the years, visited each other regularly.

 

Sandy is also Annie’s godmother, just like Sophia is Sophie-Ellie’s. Sandy met Alexis a few years back, while modeling. Alexis was the young photographer and they hit it off right away. Currently, they have a modeling agency together in Dallas. Sandy also discovered her love for photographing through Alexis and is now a professional photographer, too. When Sandy brought her along for the first visit they all welcomed Alexis very warmly. If someone could steal away Sandy’s heart like this she had to be awesome and Alexis is just right for Sandy.

 

First thing Sandy did is to try luring her goddaughter out of her shell, but without success so far. She has tried to talk to her, they all have. Alexis told her about the show for kids’ clothes they’re planning and asked Annie if she wanted to walk on the runway for them. Before James’ death she would have been ecstatic, but right now it doesn’t even get them a small smile, just a head shake. So, Sandy and Alexis have decided to just sit with Annie and be there whenever they’re needed.

 

Right now they are all getting ready for James’ funeral. All dressed in black and grey it even depresses Jared more. The thought alone turns Jared’s stomach upside down. He hasn’t eaten much in the last days, but he feels sick to his bones. Every time he thinks about James being laid to rest in the cold, hard ground Jared wants to scream. He wants to hit something, anything just to feel something else but the hollow ache that settled in his heart.

 

The drive to the church is short. It’s only three blocks down the road. Jared’s parents are already waiting in front of the church’s entrance. Jared was surprised when his mother called and told him that they would be there for the funeral. They never liked James or approved of their relationship, but Jared felt too tired to argue with his mother and now they’re waiting for the service.

 

James’ parents are there, too, dressed in their thousand dollar robes, with perfectly made hair. They look at Jared and the kids with blank expressions. They seem a little out of place under all these hard working everyday people. The kids don’t even seem to notice Jared’s parents. And Jared can tell that it’s annoying his mother that they don’t greet them. Well, it’s not his problem; they could come over here as well.

 

There are a lot of people waiting here for James’ funeral. James’ parents are currently talking to Misha, who looks grief-stricken. Angie’s eyes are red and she’s holding a tissue in her hands. Matthew looks like he had cried, too. He’s holding his wife’s arm. When they see Jared watching them they all share a short, sad look. They have talked so much in the last days, there is just nothing more to say anymore.

 

Almost all of others are James’ co-workers and then there is Milo. Jared’s stomach churns. The other man is wearing a dark suit and doesn’t look in Jared’s direction. But Jared can see Milo’s grey face. He looks old, even though he’s only Jared’s age. Jared looks away and hopes the young man won’t come to talk to him. He can’t handle that right now. Not now.

 

Sophia seems to notice how Jared tenses and lays a hand on the small of his back and asks, “What?”

 

“Milo is here,” Jared whispers and Sophia’s eyes fill with hatred. She has never met Milo, but she knows. She knows what him being here does to Jared.

 

“I can’t believe he came. How dare he!” Sophia says angrily. “You want me to tell him to fuck off or throw him out? I will, JT, I swear, just give me the word.”

 

But Jared shakes his head the only thing he really wants is his husband back. However, since that is not possible he just wants the funeral to be over. “No, let’s just go inside.”

 

Sophie seems to think about Jared’s request and finally starts leading him through the crowd, her hand still on the small of his back. Misha, Sandy and Alexis are taking care of the kids and slowly they all walk inside. Jared exchanges a short nod with his parents before he takes his place in the front pew. Annie, Luke and Sophie-Ellie sit down next to him. Angie and Matthew sit in the pew on the left. James’ was an only child and his grandparents died a few years back, so there is no one else in the pew with James’ parents.

 

When Jared notices that, he goes over to them and asks them to sit with him and the kids. They’re all a family after all. He can’t have them sit by themselves like that. They send him a small, grateful smile and follow Jared over. Matthew has his hand on Jared’s lower back and Angie hugs him before they sit down. Angie pulls Sophie-Ellie in her lap and the little girl buries her head in her grandma’s neck. Luke seeks comfort from Matthew. When Jared looks through the crowed he sees his mother is glaring. They’re angry that they have to sit somewhere in the back while Angie and Matthew get to share the pew with Jared. Well, honestly Jared doesn’t care. They never liked James and James always hated them, so why should they sit in the front pew.

 

Sandy and Alexis, and Sophia, Misha, Dan and Ben all sit down in the pew behind Jared and his kids. All of the other guest disperse into the remaining pews. Jared turns and sees Milo sitting at the back. When the young man catches Jared watching him, he gives Jared a small, sad smile, but Jared turns around without returning it. It makes him want to puke again. How dare he come to James’ funeral? Jared almost wants to demand that Milo has to leave the church, but he doesn’t. Because, then he would have to explain why and he really doesn’t.

 

He concentrates on the bouquets of white lilies and red roses, James’ favorite flowers that are framing the white casket. There is also a photo of a laughing James positioned at the right side of the altar.

 

Father McEvan’s speech goes by in a blur for Jared. He hears words like beloved, father, nice, loving, but he can’t bring himself to listen what a man that never even met James has to say about him. James believed in God, he just never went to church. He always said that he didn’t need to go to church to believe in God.

 

Sophia goes up next and talks about how they met and what a great father and friend James was and that he died too young. Matthew says a few words, too, about James as a little boy, but honestly Jared won’t remember any of that after the service.

 

What he will remember, though, is Annie getting up and walking to the altar. She He didn’t know that she wanted to say something. Why hadn’t she told him that she was planning to say something? Sandy’s hand squeezes his shoulder and she whispers, “She needed to do this on her own,” as if she can read his mind.

 

Annie starts to speak and it’s dead silence in the church. Her voice is quiet, but Jared can hear her and that is all that matters. She’s looking at the guests with hollow and empty eyes.

 

“My name is Anastasia Bella Padalecki-Lafferty and James Nathan Padalecki-Lafferty was my papa. He was a great papa and I loved him very much. He always had time for me or my siblings. He always played with us. He showed me how to tie my shoes and how to catch a ball. He taught me how to brush my teeth and how to ride a horse. And then when I was a little younger and my granny died he told me that when you die and go to heaven you become a star. He bought me a telescope and we’ve been watching the stars ever since. I really hope my papa becomes a star, too, so I can see him every night.”

 

It’s still dead silence when Annie stops speaking, tears streaming down her face and Jared rushes towards her and pulls her into a tight hug. Jared didn’t want to say something at the service, thinking that his thoughts are too private.

 

But holding Annie in his arms he opens his mouth and his voice is full of tears, “I didn’t want to say something, because I didn’t know how I could ever make you understand how much James meant to me. He was everything for me and for our kids. We will always love him and he will always be a part of us...” His voice breaks and he can hear people cry. Jared buries his face in Annie’s neck. Luke and Sophie-Ellie come over to them and Jared pulls them into the hug. They all cry together for what feels like an eternity next to James’ open casket.

 

**

 

Sophia opens the front door and a frown forms on her face. She bends down and picks up the flowers and the pie. There is a little white paper stuck to the flowers and she hands it over to Jared. He huffs, he really doesn’t want to know what this jerk was planning next. He grabs the note and if Sophia hadn’t looked at him with raised eyebrows he would have probably ripped it in shreds. But, so he unfolds and reads it.

 

‘Jared,

I’m really, really sorry for everything. I’m not normally such an ass, I swear and I really want you to have the pie and the flowers and I promise I don’t have a hidden agenda here. I won’t try anything on you again, I promise. I didn’t know you lost your husband and I hope you believe me when I say I never wanted to disrespect his memory. I hope you can forgive me someday for how I treated you. I also want you to know, if you need help with anything I’ll be there, as a friend or just as the sheriff.

Jensen’

 

He’s a little surprised about what the note says, but mostly he’s just glad that Jensen will leave them alone from now on. He shows the note to Sophia and when she finishes reading, she has a smile on her face.

 

“See, probably just a misunderstanding. To me he sounds seriously sorry. Maybe you should talk to him, when you see him again.” Sophia gives him the note back and puts the flowers and the pie on the sideboard in Jared’s hallway. “And he’s hot. That’s definitely a plus,” she adds with a wicked smile.

 

Jared snorts and pulls her into a last hug. “I think it’s better if you go now.”

 

Sophia laughs. “Bye, JT. I’ll pick up the kids around eight.”

 

Jared nods and watches her walk down to the shoulder where car is parked. When Sophia has driven away Jared walks back into the house, carries Jensen’s peace-offering into the kitchen. He dumps the flowers in the trash and considers doing the same with the pie when Dan and Luke come running into the kitchen.

 

“Wow, pie,” Luke screams. “Can we have some?”

 

Jared used to bake often back in Chicago, but he hasn’t baked anything since James died. It somehow doesn’t feel right, because James always loved Jared’s creations. Jared, too, loves pie, but he refuses to eat anything made by Jensen.

 

But he had also always problems saying ‘no’ to his kids and so both boys find themselves seated at the counter five minutes later with a piece of apple-pie in front of them. And it seems like Sophie-Ellie and Ben had heard Luke scream, because they come looking shortly after Jared cut the pie. Needless to say that they also want a piece of the pie. Sophie-Ellie even feeds Jared a small piece when he refuses to eat a whole piece. And he has to admit that it tastes pretty awesome, but that doesn’t mean he has to like Jensen.

 

He puts the rest of the pie into the fridge and one piece on the counter for Annie to eat. But later that night he will find it in the trash next to Jensen’s flowers.

 

~

 

Mike comes over with Evan in tow an hour later. The boy is already wearing his baseball uniform, white pants and red jersey. Annie refuses to go to the game with them. She never liked sports and only went to games when Jared and James insisted she go, which happened often, only when Luke had an important game. Mike offers her to drive into the city with Tom and the twins to go shopping. That’s something that gets Annie’s attention. Maybe she isn’t the typical girl, with make-up and shoes and gossip, but she sure likes shopping. She grabs her things and five minutes and a kiss on her father’s cheek later she’s gone.

 

“Thanks, she needs some friends her age,” Jared explains.

 

All of Annie’s friends are back in Chicago and even though she talks to them on the phone it isn’t the same as if they were here. So, Jared is glad that the twins kind of adopted her already and she has someone her age to hang out with. Sure, his kids are all close, but it’s still better to have someone you can talk to your age, then your little sister or brother.

 

Mike waves it away. “Don’t worry, dude. Maddie and Lizzy already love her. Besides we told you we would help and taking Annie into the city is nothing.” He looks for the boys. “So, you wanna go? We’ll still have time to introduce you, then.”

 

Jared nods. “Sure.” He grabs his things and yells, “Kids, we’re going.”

 

Seconds later four pair of feet stomp down the stairs and start to pile into Mike’s car and the truck Jared had bought yesterday at Jim’s friend Charlie, who owns the body shop in town. Jared had always wanted a truck, but living in Chicago it wasn’t really practical. They used to drive a mini-van, but Jared just couldn’t resist buying the truck when he saw it yesterday.

 

It takes them five minutes to drive to the park. A few kids are already there tossing a ball back and forth and the kids take off the minute that car’s stop.

 

Jared and Mike walk over to where a few parents are standing and talking. There are already a lot of people sitting on the small stands. There is a blond guy rummaging through a big duffle bag and when Mike calls ‘Jenny’ his head shoots up and Jared sees that it’s Jensen. He groans inwardly. That’s just great, he didn’t want to see Jensen ever again and he’s the coach of the baseball team.

 

Jensen grins, but Jared can tell the moment he recognizes Jared and his grin falls of his face. He looks seriously embarrassed to see Jared here. Jensen drops the equipment he had grabbed out of the bag and walks over to where Mike and Jared are standing.

 

“Mike, hey,” they hug and clap each other on the back shortly, before Jensen pulls back and gives Jared a small and if Jared didn’t know better, sheepish smile. “Hey, Jared.”

 

Mike looks stunned for a minute. “You know each other?”

 

“Yeah,” Jared says angrily glaring at Jensen. “He hit on me in the store yesterday and when I told him I’m not interested he called me a… what was it again? Oh yeah, a frigid asshole and I think you mentioned something about my true love dying in there too. It was really fun. And then he tried to seduce me with pie and flowers today.”

 

Mike shots a disbelieving glance at Jensen, but when the other man looks guiltily at his feet and shifts awkwardly around, Mike’s eyes fill with anger. “Jen?” He asks loudly, demanding an answer.

 

“Jared’s right,” Jensen admits quietly. “I did hit on him at the store yesterday. I didn’t see a ring and I thought he was single, so I hit on him. I was pissed when he turned me down, so I acted like an ass. I know I said some really bad things but I swear I had no idea about his husband. But I didn’t try to seduce him with pie and flowers. These were meant as an apology nothing more.”

 

Jared huffs annoyed, like he’d really believe that after how Jensen acted yesterday. The thing is the guy looks genuinely sorry. His eyes full of earnest regret. He’s so completely different from when Jared met him at the store, not arrogant and persistent, but reluctant and almost shy. Jared wonders shortly if this maybe is the real Jensen, even though it wouldn’t change anything between them. But Jared feels as if he could have maybe become friends if he met this Jensen first. Now, the hurt about what has been said cuts too deep.

 

He turns to Jared. “Look, I didn’t know your husband died, I’ve been away when you moved, so I didn’t have any idea. I’m very sorry.”

 

Jared’s eyes fill with tears, when Jensen mentions his husband. The familiar ache cutting a little deeper. “Don’t, please,” he whispers and Jensen nods, watching Jared with a sad look on his face.

 

Mike’s still glaring daggers at Jensen, though, when a scream cuts through the icy atmosphere around them.

 

“Uncle Jen!” Evan runs towards them and jumps into Jensen’s open arms. “I’ve missed you.”

 

Jensen puts him down and ruffles his hair fondly. “Hey, Ev. I’ve missed you, too, kiddo.” Then he looks up and sees Luke and Dan standing behind Evan. “Hey, did you bring some friends?” And Evan nods enthusiastically.

 

“This is Luke and Dan. Luke just moved in next to us and they want to join the team. Isn’t that cool? Oh and Dan is really Brendan, but we all think that Bren is a stupid name and Dan is much cooler!”

 

“That’s really cool,” Jensen chuckles. “Hey,” he addresses Luke and Dan now, “I’m Jensen. You can call me Jen or Jensen. But out there,” he points at the field, “I’m Coach Ackles when you join the team, okay?”

 

“He’s also the sheriff,” Evan adds with something that borders on hero worship and Jensen chuckles.

 

Luke’s and Dan’s eyes widen and both mouths drop open. Jared has to bite back a laugh at the sight. They have never met a cop or a sheriff living in Chicago and now they’re completely at awe.

 

“Do you have a real gun?” Luke asks shyly and Jensen nods.

 

“Sure.”

 

“And have you ever shot someone?” Jared’s son gets braver.

 

Jensen shakes his head. “Nope, not yet.”

 

“Can we see your gun?” Dan asks curiously and Jensen laughs.

 

“I don’t have it with me, but you can always visit me at the station if you want and I’ll show you around.”

 

Jared clears his throat and Jensen looks up, “I really don’t want you showing Luke or Dan guns. They’re not allowed to come to the station when you show them guns.”

 

“Daddy,” Luke whines.

 

“No, Lucas Nikolai! You know exactly that I don’t like guns and you’re not allowed to go to the station when Jensen shows you and Dan the guns,” Jared replies sternly. James and he had always been against guns and refused to have any in the house. They never even bought Luke a toy gun, even though the boy asked from time to time.

 

Jensen nods, looking at Jared with understanding eyes. “Okay, I won’t let them near the guns. But there are a lot of other things to see at the station, if you still want.” The last part is directed at the boys and both nod enthusiastically even though guns are off-limits. “Then, you can just come and visit me whenever you want to.”

 

Jared isn’t sure how he feels about Luke spending time with Jensen, but he won’t discuss this here. If Luke really wants to go to the station they’ll talk about it then. However, when he watches Jensen and the kids there is something about the other man that makes Jared think that it may be okay to let the boys visit him. This Jensen is kind, quiet and completely adorable with the kids. There is not one hint to the asshole from yesterday.

 

Evan turns to his dad and frowns at the death glare Mike is still shooting Jensen. “Are you mad at Jensen, Dad?”

 

“Yes. He was very bad,” Mike growls.

 

“Why?” Evan turns to Jensen with a questioning look.

 

Jensen bends down to the boy and lays a hand on his shoulder. “Because I did something I shouldn’t have done and I called someone a very bad name. You’re dad has every right to be made at me,” he explains.

 

“But did you apologize?” Evan asks innocently.

 

And Jensen nods. “I tried.” He watches Jared out of the corners of his eyes and Jared feels his cheeks heating up. Hell, he shouldn’t blush and feel bad. He hasn’t been the one doing something wrong. He can’t remember ever brushing an apology off like that, but then he didn’t believe it was an apology in the first place. Flowers and pie, you can’t really blame him for thinking that Jensen was hitting on him again.

 

“And will you do something like that again?” Evan continued.

 

Jensen gives the boy a small smile. “No, I won’t.”

 

Jensen sounds so damn sincere, when he says it and maybe Sophia was right when she said that he’s serious and Jared should just forgive him. But he’s not quite ready to let Jensen of the hook. He just met the man after all. For all Jared knows this could be a play from Jensen to get Jared to like him.

 

“Then dad should forgive you.” The boy turns back to his father. “You should forgive him, Dad. He apologized and said he won’t do it again. Now you can forgive him. You always forgive me when I do that.”

 

Evan looks at Mike with huge, round eyes. And Jared thinks no one can fault a ten-year-old’s logic, when Mike smiles and ruffles his son’s hair. Then, Mike holds his hand out to Jensen, which the other man gratefully grabs.

 

“Daddy!” Another scream fills the awkward silence and just like Evan before Sophie-Ellie jumps into her father’s arm after coming back from playing catch with Ben. Jared sees the way Jensen’s eyes soften at the picture of him and Sophie-Ellie in front of him and he wishes he could be immune against the intense look in Jensen’s deep green eyes. But he isn’t. He never would have considered Jensen his type. He never found blond man attractive before, but there is something about Jensen, his deep green eyes and his freckles that do something to Jared and makes his heart beat a little faster.

 

Sophie-Ellie keeps eyeing Jensen shyly, even after Jared put her down again. It’s Jensen who talks first, “I’m Jensen.” He holds out his hand to the little girl and Jared thinks about telling him to back off, but so far Jensen hasn’t said anything about a date or made any other advances. So, Jared stays back. “What’s your name?”

 

“Sophie-Eleanor. But you can call me Sophie-Ellie, because that’s what everyone calls me. I’m named after Aunt Sophia, because she helped to deliver me and some people get confused ‘cause we’ve got similar names. And,” she points at Ben, who is currently hiding behind Jared’s leg, “that’s Ben. His name is Benjamin and he’s shy. And Luke is my brother and his full name is Lucas Nikolai. And my sister Annie’s is Anastasia Bella. Their Russian names, because daddy likes Russian books. He likes to read.” Suddenly she stops talking as if she just realized that she was rambling and looks at Jensen with wide, surprised eyes.

 

Jared refrains from laughing, because Sophie-Ellie is at least as shy as Ben, even if she really surprises him since they moved to Texas. She never used to strike up a conversation before, but here everything seems to a little different to Chicago. Maybe it’s the sun that makes her confident side appear, or it could be just because is getting older and more secure around people. Or maybe it’s because all these people are really nice and kind.

 

Jensen laughs. “Wow, that’s a beautiful name for a beautiful little lady,” Jensen says and Sophie-Ellie giggles. Jared knows that Jensen has already won her heart. Everybody who will call her ‘lady’ and ‘beautiful’ is in her good graces. “So, do you two want to join the team, too?” It’s a joke. Jared sees Jensen trying to stay serious. And even though, the team consists of both boys and girls, Sophie-Ellie would be a little young. Mike told Jared that the kids are between eight and eleven.

 

The little girl shakes her and laughs at Jensen. “No! My dress would get dirty.” That’s just typical Sophie-Ellie, she really hates getting dirty. She holds out her dress for Jensen to appraise it and Jensen bends down to take a closer.

 

“Wow, that’s such a pretty dress. We wouldn’t want it to get dirty.” Jensen straightens his back, when someone calls his name. He turns, nods and turns back to their little group. “You can sit down on the stands and watch the game if you want and we’ll talk about Luke and Dan joining the team later.”

 

Jared nods. “Okay.” And Mike and he lead Luke, Dan, Sophie-Ellie and Ben over to the stands, so they can watch the game, while Evan walks over to his team.

 

*~**~*

 

Jensen is more than surprised when Jared turns up to the game with Mike. He hadn’t thought he would see him so soon again, after what happened only a few hours earlier. But from the face Jared made when he recognized Jensen, he didn’t know that Jensen was going to be here or coaching the kids. Didn’t Mike or Tom say anything?

 

But just like Jensen promised in his little note he will keep his distance. Nothing has really changed for Jensen. He still wants to go out with Jared and he still isn’t sure what it is about Jared that draws him in. They haven’t even talked more than a few words and these weren’t even nice ones, but still Jared fascinates Jensen.

 

He remembers the way Jared was with his children this morning, the fond and loving smile that was displayed on his faces. The complete difference from the way he looked at Jensen both times they met. And it makes a warmth spread in Jensen’s body that’s completely new to him.

 

He has never been the guy who’s looking for a committed relationship. Sure, he had dated guys for more than one night, months even, but always got bored pretty soon. He can’t even say what bored him, just that after a few days, weeks or months the other guy mostly annoyed him or wasn’t interesting anymore. He never found someone he really clicked with. Hell, he even tried to date girls. He still shudders when thinking back to the time he spent with dating Danneel.

 

Danneel made it her goal to sleep with every guy in town and Jensen was always on her to-fuck-list. Jensen can’t even remember what made him ask Danneel out, only that she’d jumped at the opportunity. They only dated for a few weeks and they never did more than kiss and even that was hard for Jensen. After discovering that he didn’t really like kissing her or any girl, he kept to men. But Danneel never seem to have gotten the memo. She still hits on him whenever they meet, which is quiet often in a little town like Dalton.

 

There was never any one who attracted his attention the way Jared does.

 

His mom always asks him, if he doesn’t want someone to spend his life with. And it’s not like he doesn’t want to, he thinks it could be nice to come home to a partner waiting, to spend their free time together. It’s just that he has never met someone he even considered spending his life with.

 

But lately he has been thinking about finding someone and settling down more often. He doesn’t know what it is, maybe it’s because he turned thirty-six in March or maybe all his friends have a partner and made a family themselves. He sees the way Mike and Tom or Chris and Steve are with each other and if he’s honest he’d really like something like they have. And if he’s even more honest he really likes to try with Jared and even the thought unnerves him. Not only doesn’t he know Jared really well – hell, he doesn’t know him at all -, but Jared has already a little family and Jensen isn’t sure if he could fit in.

 

Okay, maybe he thought about finding someone to spend his lonely and pathetic life with, but he never thought about having kids. Sure, he’s good with kids. His nephews and nieces adore him and Evan, Maddie and Lizzy love him, too. But being a dad or even a substitute dad? It scares the hell outta him. It’s different if you can give the kids back when it gets complicated or if you have to deal with the problems yourself. Jensen just isn’t sure if he could raise kids the way his mother raised him and his siblings. He’s afraid of making mistakes.

 

The game starts and Jensen snaps out of his thoughts when Evan grabs his bat and heads towards the home plate. Today they are playing against a team from a neighboring town and they have one of the best pitchers in the region, but Evan is a great batter and Jensen has complete faith in him.

 

The members of the other team take their positions and Cliff, the pitcher, takes his places at the pitcher’s mound. He rolls ball in one of his hands, before grinning deviously at Evan. Jensen sees how Evan’s fingers curl tightly around his bat. He doesn’t react to Cliff’s act, just stands there legs wide apart and the bat above his head waiting for the pitch.

 

Cliff makes himself ready, strikes out and throws his pitch. It’s an out and Cliff’s grin slowly falls from his face. The second pitch is a strike and Jensen curses under his breath. Evan hits the third pitch, drops his bat and runs to first base. Jensen cheers and he’s not the only one. He can hear Mike, Jared and the kids cheer for Evan as well.

 

~

 

They lose the game 1-3 and Jensen has to cheer his team up. He tells them what they did well and that next time it will be better. They’re all pretty down, especially Evan. He really wanted for his new friends to see him win. Jensen ruffles his hair and tells him that they’ll win the next time. Luke and Dan might even be in the team by then. For that Jensen receives a small smile.

 

Mike, Jared and the kids are waiting at the side lines for Evan and Jensen sends him off to go to his friends. He talks to a few other children, says hello to mom’s and dad’s, before making his way over to where Jared is standing next to Mike and telling Evan that he played a great game. And Jared is right, Evan played great. If it hadn’t been for him they had probably lost whitewashed.

 

Jensen comes to a stop next to Evan and lays his hands on the boy’s shoulder. “Jared is right, you did great.” Slowly Evan seems to get his high spirits back. Jensen looks towards Luke and Dan. “So, you two? Still wanna join the team?” They both nod enthusiastically and Jensen chuckles. “Alright,” he turns to address Jared, who’s having a fond smile on his face at his son’s enthusiasm, “training is every Tuesday and Thursday from three to five. Games normally take place on Saturdays or Sundays. How about Luke and Dan start on Tuesday? So, I can have a look at how they play?”

 

Jared nods. “Yeah, sounds good.” But he doesn’t sound too thrilled to have to meet Jensen on Tuesday again and Jensen sighs inwardly.

 

He turns back to the boys. “You played somewhere before?”

 

“Uh-huh,” both boys nod in unison. “In Chicago,” Luke adds.

 

“That’s good. Well,” Jensen runs a hand through his hair, “I guess I’ll see y’all on Tuesday then.”

 

He fist-bumps Evan, their usual goodbye, and when Luke and Dan imitate the other boy Jensen laughs softly, but fist-bumps them as well.

 

Mike pulls him into a short hug and whispers in his ear, “We’re still talking about what you did.” Jensen nods, because he knew that Mike wouldn’t just let it go and that he and Tom rip him a new one when they see him again. Well, he deserves it. Jensen tells him to give his love to Tom and the twins. Mike nods and ushers the older boys to the car already. That leaves Jensen with Jared and the younger kids.

 

Jensen is still contemplating to say something, when Jared holds out his hand. “Bye and thanks for letting us watch the game.”

 

“Yeah, no problem,” Jensen nods. Something picks at his pants and he looks down to see Sophie-Ellie looking at him with big eyes. He knees down and asks, “Hey sweetie. What’s up?”

 

“Are you really the sheriff?” The little girl asks with awe in her voice and Jensen needs to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing out loud. “You don’t look so old. The sheriffs on TV are always old and grumpy.”

 

Jensen bites his lip to keep from laughing. He really likes her. She’s sweet and adorable and she looks a lot like Jared with her dimpled smile. “Well, thanks. And yes, I am the sheriff,” he says seriously. “At your service, Ma’am.”

 

Sophie-Ellie gives him a smile. “Luke said that he can come and visit the station.” Jensen nods. “Me and Ben, too? Ben is my best friend.” She asks with a shy look.

 

“You want to?” Both kids nod enthusiastically. “Then, sure. Anytime you like. Just call in and I’ll be there to show you around.”

 

“Can we, Daddy?” Sophie-Ellie looks hopefully at her dad and Jensen hopes that the same hope isn’t engrained in his own face.

 

Jared takes a second to answer, not looking Jensen, but at Sophie-Ellie. “Maybe, we’ll see. We don’t want to disturb Jensen at his work. He has an important job and will be very busy.”

 

Jensen wants to say, they wouldn’t disturb him, but he doesn’t. He knows exactly why Jared is acting so evasively, he doesn’t want to see Jensen more often than he already has to. Great Ackles, you really messed this up, Jensen thinks. But he forces a smile, before finally saying goodbye to Jared and the kids.

 

He really likes Jared’s kids, well at least Luke and Sophie-Ellie. They seem very well raised and nice. He’s not so sure about what he thinks about Annie, but he really would like to get her a little better. Jim said that she was a little quiet, maybe she’s shy and being a little rude is how she copes with it. Seeing Jared with his kids just made the other man more attractive. Jensen gets more and more drawn to Jared.

 

~

 

After the game Jensen normally always indulges in a beer or two over at Jim’s. When he walks into the diner tonight, he sees Chris and Steve sitting at the bar, each of them nursing a beer. He contemplates leaving again, but he has to talk to them some time and they are his friends. However, he’s still a little hurt by what happened yesterday. He never would have thought he had such a bad reputation with his friends.

 

Chris sees him first and his friend sends Jensen a sheepish smile and waves a beer in his direction. Jensen rolls his eyes, but walks over and takes a seat next to them.

 

“Win or lose?” Chris asks.

 

“Lose,” Jensen shrugs. Mostly they win their games; they have a pretty good team. But they haven’t won against the team they played today in years. So, it’s nothing new. “Maybe next time. But Evan was really good. He scored.”

 

Chris and Steve grin. “That’s our boy.” Evan is like a son for them. They can’t have kids themselves and they never wanted to adopt. It had been pretty hard on them shortly after they got the news, but over the years they learned to live with it. So, Evan and the twins are their surrogate kids. And they love them to bits.

 

After their cheer, they both look back down and pick at the labels on their bottles. Chris speaks first, “Look, Jen,” he hasn’t called Jensen ‘Jen’ in ages, always ‘Jenny’. Mike and Chris are the only two people who get away with calling him that. They’ve been friends forever and Jensen just gave up to make them stop calling him ‘Jenny’, “we wanted to tell you we’re sorry. We shouldn’t have jumped at you the way we did. You’re right, you couldn’t have known. So, sorry. But you have to admit, it was pretty shitty what you did. Especially that crack about his true love dying.”

 

“Nah, it’s okay. You were right. I was an ass,” Jensen admits. He doesn’t even know why he acted like that. Normally he only acts like this when completely drunk.

 

“It’s just we really like Jared and we don’t want him to get hurt,” Steve adds. “He couldn’t even talk about his husband, when we met him at Mike’s. The death has hit him really hard.”

 

“And, you are known for your ‘love-‘em-and-leave-‘em’ attitude,” Chris says grinning.

 

His friends aren’t wrong. Jensen has had this attitude over the last years and they don’t know that Jared doesn’t fall into this category with Jensen.

 

“It’s okay.” Jensen takes a sip of his beer.

 

“So, we’re good?” Steve asks, holding out his bottle.

 

“Yeah, we’re good.” They clink their bottles together and everything is right in Jensen’s world again. Well, almost everything. Honestly, he can’t wait for baseball practice and seeing Jared again.

 

*~**~*

 

When Jared comes home after the game he lets himself be convinced by the kids that the best post-game food is pizza. He invites Evan for dinner. It’s the least he can do, when Tom had Annie for the whole day. They’re still in the city, so he invites Mike, too, but the other man declines, saying that he still has some chores that need doing.

 

Jared totally understands. He, too, has still so many boxes to unpack and tomorrow starts his new job, but he wouldn’t get anything done with the kids in the house anyway. He’ll have to wait ‘til school starts in a few weeks. When he orders the pizza with sausage and mushroom at the delivery service Mike just gave him, he sees that his answering machine is blinking.

 

He listens to the message and smiles. He picks up the phone again and dials the number he knows by heart. It rings three times, before a female voice greets him with.

 

“Hey, Sasquatch. How is life in good old Texas?”

 

Jared laughs. “Hi, to you, too Sandy. And you tell me. You’re only living, what, an hour away. You and Lexie need to visit more often.”

 

“Oh, life’s great.” She laughs. “But, seriously, how are you feeling being back in hot Texas? Alexis and I thought about visiting you the weekend after next.”

 

Jared thinks about it a little. “It feels good. It really does. I never realized how much I missed it. Y’know when I went to Chicago for college and after meeting James I never even considered moving back. But being here again? It just shows me how much I really missed it, even though I wasn’t aware. And you visiting is always a plus. It’s nice to be closer again, isn’t it?”

 

“It is.” Sandy agrees. “So, Dalton is good to you?” Sandy asks curious, with a little concern in her voice.

 

“Yeah, Sand’, it is. My neighbors are great. They already invited us to a Texan BBQ a couple of days ago, first night we arrived actually,” Jared sighs contently. “You won’t believe how much I missed a good Texan steak. And Jim, the owner of the local diner, makes a mean one. And the guys are really great. Mike and Tom are our neighbors. They married for like fifteen years or so and have three kids. Twins, Maddie and Lizzy, they already adopted Annie, and Evan, who’s already friends with Luke and Dan. And Chris and Steve are pretty cool, too, just really laid back. I like them. They have a band. Can’t wait to hear them play.”

 

Sandy chuckles. “Sounds like you’re enjoying your move. And any hot guys in sight?”

 

And now Jared knows why Sandy is calling. “Don’t tell me, Sophia called.”

 

“Okay, I won’t,” Sandy says and he can hear she’s grinning. “And now tell me all about the hot Jensen Ackles.”

 

“Wow, you even remember his name.”

 

“Sure. Sophia says he so hot even I would play for the other team again just to date him! That has to mean something. And now, tell me. You gonna see him again?” She has always been like this, even in high school she tried to set him up with guys. She just can’t see him alone.

 

Jared sighs. “No,” he drawls, “well, yes but just because he’s Luke’s baseball coach and the sheriff. And besides it’s a small town, so I will probably see him regularly. But I won’t see him in the way you implied.”

 

“Why not?” Sandy asks curiously. “Sophia said he sent you flowers and pie with a sweet little note as an apology. I mean it was shitty what he said to you, but you probably hurt his ego. And men always strike hard when their ego is hurt. Besides, didn’t Sophia tell me that a woman is coaching the boy’s team.”

 

“Yeah, she probably did. But only because I thought it was a woman coaching the little guys. But Jenny turned out to be actually Jensen. How would I know that they call Jensen ‘Jenny’?”

 

Sandy laughs. “The poor guy. He must be sick of everybody assuming he’s a girl. So, you did see him today again?”

 

“Yeah,” Jared replies hesitantly.

 

“And how did that go?”

 

“It was okay.”

 

“Okay?” Sandy interrogates.

 

“Yeah, okay. He was very sweet with the kids and all and didn’t hit on me again. He seemed nice actually,” Jared admits hesitantly. He thinks that he could really like the Jensen he met today, if it wouldn’t be for the incident at the store.

 

“Nice?” Sandy chuckles. “Well, maybe he isn’t quite the obnoxious asshole you thought he was?”

 

“Maybe,” Jared answers carefully. “Doesn’t mean I have to go out with him or even like him!”

 

Sandy sighs. “JT, no one expects you to start dating him, or any other guy for that matter. We just want you to be happy again.”

 

And suddenly Jared feels the familiar ache in his heart telling him how much he misses James. “I will be, Sandy. I will be.”

 

**

 

A hot pain shots through Jared’s abdomen, he’s panting and it hurt likes hell.

 

“Push, Jared. You need to push,” Dr. Michaelsky is leaning over him. “Just two more. I can already see the head.”

 

It’s been fifteen hours and James still stands next to Jared, their hands entwines and Jared wonders for a second if he will break James’ hand in the process of giving birth to their first child. He has called all kinds of names, from jerk to ass to son of a bitch. He even threatened to never have sex with James again. But his husband only smiled at him, which just infuriated Jared further.

 

Another contraction jerks through his body and he pushes down as much as he can. Once, twice and then he hears screaming. He tries to push up to see if his child is okay, but James forces him to lie down.

 

“Congratulations, Jared, James. You have a daughter.”

 

James smiles brightly. “You hear that Jared? We have a daughter.”

 

Jared smiles tiredly, but happy. “Yes. And you thought it would be a boy.”

 

And then Dr. Michaelsky lays the little child on Jared’s chest and for the first time he sees the little person he carried around for nine months. She’s still a little shriveled, but for Jared she’s the most beautiful creature on earth. Tears of joy are forming in his eyes. He and James did this. It’s amazing. Their daughter is amazing.

 

James’ parents are waiting outside with Misha. Sophia and Sandy are on their way as far as Jared knows. The only people who are not here or on their way are Jared’s parents. They are still pissed that Jared got pregnant so young and this is how they show it. Well, Jared doesn’t care. Every person he cares about is here, except for Megan. Sharon and Gerald forbade her to come. But he knows that his baby sister is waiting on the phone for news, that’s all that counts for Jared.

 

“Hello, Anastasia Bella,” Jared coos over the baby. “You are beautiful. We love you so much!” They decided to name her Anastasia, because of Jared’s love for Russian literature. And Bella means beautiful in Italian, so that was kind of a given.

 

When he looks up Jared sees that James also has tears in his eyes. His husband bends down to press a light kiss against Jared’s lips. This is it, they’re parents. And even though they’re still pretty young with twenty they both know they’re ready. They know that there isn’t someone else for them except the other and having kids now, just sped up the decision to have a family.

 

“You did good, JT, you’re amazing,” James says full of awe. They are looking at each other with eyes full of love and trust in the future. They can do it, together.

 

But Jared replies, smiling sleepily, “We did good.”

 

“Yeah, we did good.”

 

They stay like this, Jared holding Annie and James holding Jared, for a moment, before the nurse takes Annie away to examine her. Jared sinks back into the bed. He’s tired, but oh so happy.

 

~

 

Jared is leaning over the crib where his baby girl is sleeping in, sucking her thumbs noisily. His heart swells at the picture. He’s so damn proud of this daughter already and she’s only a few weeks old. He still can’t believe that she is theirs, that they created something so amazing together.

 

Long arms come around his body and rest on his belly, which is still a little swollen. Jared didn’t hear James come in and starts a little.

 

“She’s beautiful,” James whispers. “She looks so much like you, JT. You were amazing back then, you know that. I’m so damn proud of you.”

 

Jared smiles brightly. Right now he doesn’t think he could be happier.

 

“What do you think she’s gonna do when she’s grown up?” Jared asks quietly.

 

“Well, she could be a doctor or a lawyer. Or an astronaut, that’d be cool! Or she becomes the first female president of the US. Or she finds a medicine to heal cancer.”

 

Jared laughs. “You have pretty big expectations.”

 

“She can do anything she wants, JT. I just want her to be happy,” James whispers in his ear pressing a gentle kiss there. And Jared couldn’t love him more right now.

 

 

 

Chapter Four

Early Monday morning, after another night without relaxing sleep but with nightmares about James dying in his arms, Jared wakes the kids. Sophia offered to take them, while Jared goes to the paper to start his job. He has an appointment with Sam Ferris in an hour. He’s kind of nervous to meet her, even though Jim told him that she’s a nice, friendly woman and assured him that he’ll definitely get along with her well.

 

The kids are grumbling that they need to get up so early when they school holidays. Jared tells them that they can sleep when they get to Sophia’s. Maybe he should have asked his friend to take the kids overnight, but none of them had thought about that. Yeah, great organizing skills, Jared thinks. It had always been James who organized the daily routine and even though you’d think that Jared has had six months to learn how to do it properly, he hasn’t. He has just never been the organized type.

 

While the kids get dressed, Jared jumps into the shower in his bathroom. Too hot water rains down on him and leaves red marks on his tanned skin. Jared needs the pain in the morning to get running. Back when James was still alive Jared always went jogging in the mornings. He hasn’t done it since the night he had to call 911. He doesn’t know why really, but it just doesn’t feel right anymore and it would definitely give him too much time alone and in his own head.

 

He has enough of that after the kids go to bed every night and look what it does to him. Jared thought about going to his doctor in Chicago and asking him to prescribe him some sleeping pills. However, the thought about taking them, having a nightmare and not being able to wake up scares the hell out of him. So, he never went to his doctor. He’ll just have to deal with not sleeping so much.

 

The water turns cold, but Jared keeps standing in the shower for a few more minutes. His palms are pressed flat against the tiles and his head is bowed between his shoulders. He tries to block out the memories feeling the water and the tiles beneath his palms bring back. How often he and James made love in the shower. How James’ hands would feel on his skin and how Jared would react to James’ mouth wrapped around his cock.

 

Jared hasn’t had sex since the night of James’ death. He hasn’t even touched himself in the last six months and just thinking about James touching him makes his cock hard. It doesn’t matter that the water is almost freezing. He takes one of his hands of the tiles and runs it down his chest ‘til it reaches his pubic hair. When he wraps his long fingers around his aching cock Jared lets out a slow moan.

 

He starts jerking himself off with slow, but hard strokes, just like James used to do. His eyes close and pictures of James on his knees in front of Jared, his lips wrapped tightly around Jared’s dick run through his head. It doesn’t take long for him to come. It had been too long to draw this out. Jared rinses off and a soft sob escapes his mouth. He misses James so much. He misses have sex and being intimate with James. Moments like this don’t make it any easier.

 

Finally, he makes his way out of the shower and towels off. When he brushes his teeth, he tries to avoid looking into the mirror. It will only tell him what he already knows, that he has dark circles around his eyes and needs to sleep. After he manages even to comb through his hair without meeting his reflection, he heads into his bedroom to look for clothes. He rummages through one of the boxes he still hasn’t unpacked and suddenly he’s holding a black, leather-bound notebook in his hands. Jared sighs. The day just couldn’t start better, he thinks sarcastically.

 

The book is James’ diary and Jared found it when packing his things in Chicago before the move. He never knew that James had a diary until he found it hidden in James’ nightstand. At first, Jared hadn’t known what it was, but opening it and seeing James’ handwriting had confirmed his assumptions. He had snapped it close the moment he realized what he was holding in his hands.

 

One part of Jared wanted to almost desperately read it and connect with James again. The other, bigger part of Jared was scared of what could possibly be written in the notebook. He was scared to read what James thought about them, about their marriage, about…

 

For the most part of the last fourteen years, Jared had been happy. He loved James, he loved their kids, and occasional fights just didn’t count. Every couple fought and made-up afterwards, and the make-up sex was great. It just didn’t seem to be enough for James and it hurt.

 

**

 

“JT!”

 

“In the kitchen.”

 

Jared is standing in the kitchen and baking for the school festival tomorrow. His hands were covered in flour and the kitchen looks a little like World War 3 just happened. But the scent of the first batch of chocolate chip cookies in the oven conjured a satisfied smile on Jared’s face. He loves to bake and does it whenever he finds a little spare time, not to mention that the kids love it.

 

Fast steps make their way over to the back of the house and where the kitchen is and a few seconds later James appears at the door. When he takes the picture in, he laughs, throwing his head back and showing his long neck to Jared.

 

Jared feels want pool in his belly and if the kids hadn’t been just outside in the backyard he would James beg to fuck him, right here over the kitchen table. His thoughts seem to show on his face, because James’ eyes dark with lust. God, Jared loves their sex-life and they have sex a lot, especially if the kids stay over at Sophia’s.

 

His husband walks over to Jared and puts his hands on either side of Jared’s hips trapping him against the kitchen counter. Even though James is a couple inches smaller than Jared, he knows exactly what to do to manhandle Jared and it turns Jared on so much. His dick is hard and digging into the confines of his denim-clad jeans.

 

“Hey,” James says huskily and Jared swallows hard.

 

He never thought someone could turn him on like this, especially after all these years together but James knows how to push all of Jared’s buttons. Jared loves to be manhandled and held down and he loves when James cock pushes into this body filling him up so damn good.

 

“Hey,” Jared answers shakily.

 

James smirks at him before sweeping his tongue over Jared’s bottom lip and Jared lets out a low moan. His husband pushes his tongue into Jared’s now open mouth and rubs along Jared’s. It’s slow and sensual and everything Jared loves about James’ kisses. When they break apart again, they’re both panting.

 

“God, I’d really like to fuck you right now,” James whispers into Jared’s ear and sends shivers down his spine.

 

“The kids,” Jared answers a little disappointed.

 

James pulls back and runs a hand through his hair. “Tonight, then. Your ass is mine.”

 

Jared laughs. “Yeah, I’d hope so.”

 

James leans against the kitchen counter and watches Jared putting the next batch of cookies on a baking tray. He has a small smile displayed on his face, while he watches his husband work and Jared fucking loves the way James is looking at him. He feels completely loved at the moment and then James speaks.

 

“Clive asked if we’d come to a club with him and Nathan on Saturday.” Clive is one of James’ coworkers they have a drink with now and again. Jared likes him and his boyfriend Nathan. They’re open, relaxed and funny guys.

 

“What club?” James seems to feel uncomfortable suddenly, because he doesn’t look at Jared and rubs his sock-clad feet over the floor. He only ever avoids Jared’s eyes when he feels really uncomfortable and isn’t sure how Jared will react to whatever it is he wants to say. “James?”

 

“It’s a sex club,” James admits quietly.

 

“A sex club?” Jared frowns.

 

“A swingers club, more exactly.” James bites his lip nervously. “Clive told me that he and Nathan tried it a few years ago and found out that they loved it. He says it’s really exciting.”

 

Jared opens his mouth to say something, but when nothing comes out he closes it again and turns back to his cookies.

 

“JT, say something, please.” James’ voice is soft and full of concern, but Jared doesn’t know what to say or more exactly what to think about James wanting to go to a swingers club. Wasn’t Jared enough for him anymore? Did he miss something Jared couldn’t give him?

 

“I… I don’t know what to say,” Jared says quietly, not looking at James. “Do you miss something? Am I not enough?” Jared always thought their sex life was perfect. Okay, maybe a little vanilla. They mostly fuck in bed, except for the occasional fuck on the kitchen table or the couch when the kids are out. But they’ve never been really kinky.

 

James shakes his head furiously. “No, JT, no. I love you and I love having sex with you. I just thought it might be exiting. Y’know, try something new.” Jared hears him take a deep breath. “Sometimes I think about watching you with someone else or you watching me with another guy and it turns me on. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now and it’s just sex, JT. It has nothing to do with how much I love you. You are the only guy I will ever love; I just thought it could be something to… spice things up. Will you try it?”

 

Jared feels at a loss of words and replies, “I need to think about it.”

 

“Yeah, sure,” James says. “Take your time.” He presses a kiss against Jared’s neck. “I really love you, JT. So much.” He walks out of the kitchen, then, leaving Jared alone with his thoughts.

 

The first shock is almost gone and Jared leans against the kitchen table to really think about what James said. His husband thinks about fucking other people and he thinks about Jared watching him while doing it. He never would have considered James to be the type to have such kinks. And Jared himself isn’t sure he’d be able to watch. He sure as hell isn’t able to fuck someone else so his husband can watch him.

 

He decides that he’ll go to the club with James, if his husband really wants to. He can do that for James, if his husband needs something exciting Jared can give it to him. He refuses to even think about the bad feeling that settles in the pit of his stomach. Everything will be okay.

 

**

 

As a matter of fact, James loved the swingers club and he went once a month after their first night together, leaving Jared at home, alone and hurting. However, James never knew he was hurting Jared with what he did. Jared never said a thing and even encouraged James to go and have fun. Jared did it because he wanted his husband to be happy and if having sex with other men was making James happy, Jared could deal with that, as long as James came back home to his family. He always did. He never stayed the night somewhere else.

 

It was one of the rules they had decided on after that first night. Another one was that James always under any circumstance used protection and never told Jared what happened in those hours he had been gone. Jared isn’t sure if that didn’t make it worst. He knew with whom James would meet either at the club or in some shady motel. All kinds of pictures run through his head kindled by Jared’s vivid imagination. Even though he knew James wasn’t a bottom, he imagined the guy fucking him on more than one occasion. And it hurt more than Jared wanted to admit.

 

**

 

The air is hot and heavy and Jared understands why Clive and Nathan pulled of their shirts at the entrance. After Jared had said ‘yes’ to the club visitation, Clive had put them on the guest list. Normally the club was for members only. Jared’s shirt clings to his back when he follows James through the barely lit room. Everywhere people are sitting on couches or beds, making-out or fucking. It makes Jared really uncomfortable.

 

Jared and James are wearing their normal every day clothes, jeans and button-downs. Clive and Nathan, though, they’re wearing ass-less leather chaps and Jared tries to look everywhere but on their asses.

 

Finally they made their way to the long bar and Clive and Nathan wish them a great night and leave in the direction of more beds and more people in explicit positions. James shoots him a smile before he orders them two beers.

 

“What do you think?” He asks handing Jared his beer.

 

James’ eyes are sparkling with excitement and in this particular moment Jared knows for sure that James already loves it here. He shifts a little brushing his ass against James’ crotch unintentionally and feels that his husband his hard in his jeans. James is turned on by the display of skin-on-skin in the room.

 

Jared takes a gulp of his beer and answers, “It’s not really my thing. But it’s fine if you like it.”

 

“You wanna go?” James asks seriously giving Jared an out. Jared thinks about saying ‘yes’, about leaving and never coming back. But then he remembers James’ words, remembers that his husband would like to fuck other people and Jared would rather have him do it openly, instead of sneaking behind Jared’s back. So, he shakes his head.

 

“No, it’s okay.”

 

Suddenly a hand settles on Jared’s hips and he jerks out of the hold. The other man steps away and apologizes. He’s a few inches smaller than Jared and James, with short, dark hair and brown eyes.

 

“Sorry, gorgeous. Didn’t mean to scare you.” His eyes run up and down Jared’s body and a smirk forms on his face.

 

Jared cringes at the nickname, but nods. “It’s fine.” Even though it isn’t.

 

“I’m Milo. You wanna have some fun in the backroom?” The guy, Milo, points to the back wall where Jared sees a door covered with a dark, velvet curtain. He shivers. This is really making him uncomfortable.

 

“No, thanks.”

 

“That’s a shame.” Milo cocks his head and grins. “What about you?” He turns to James, giving him a proper onceover. “You wanna join me for a little action?”

 

James’ eyes shoot to Jared asking for permission and Jared forces a smile and nods. James smiles broadly and lets Milo pull him away. Jared’s stomach churns. He can do this, though. If this is what James wants, Jared can do it.

 

**

 

Milo became James’ affair if that’s what you wanna call it. They would meet once a month and Jared would wait at home for James to come back. He came to loath Milo, even though he never got to know him in the first place. But Milo was the epitome of James’ wants and kinks, of the things Jared couldn’t give his husband. He wasn’t sure if it would have been different if James’ had fucked a different guy every month. But that James only fucked Milo once a month for three years, held the possibility that they had feelings for each other. That hurt Jared more than anything else.

 

Sophia’s the only one who knows about the ‘open marriage’ agreement he had with James over the last three years. One night when James had met Milo Sophia had called Jared and she knew right away that something was up and he told her everything. Sophia had been furious when Jared first told her and he had begged her not to say anything to James. He didn’t want to lose him. He loved him too much to even consider telling James he couldn’t have what he obviously enjoyed so much. If that makes him pathetic and stupid, Jared has to live with that.

 

Jared supposes that Misha knows too because Sophia didn’t keep secrets from her husband. But Misha never said a word about it and Jared is grateful for that.

 

Jared just never wanted to lose James, but he did anyway. Now he has to live thinking that maybe James didn’t love him enough to let his lover go. Maybe it’s unreasonable to think like this when he never told James that he didn’t want him to meet Milo. But it hurts just the same. So, he packs the leather notebook back into the box. He’s just not ready to really know what James thought about him and their relationship and maybe even Milo.

 

He shudders at the thought and grabs the first shirt he finds to keep his thoughts from going any further. Jared pulls on the shirt, it’s light blue and brings out his tan. It’s also one of James’ favorite Jared-shirts. Seems like this morning James will be with Jared no matter what he does. It’s always makes the day harder when everything he touches or looks at reminds him of James. In the last six months it hasn’t gotten any easier.

 

Walking down the stairs, he hears his three kids in the kitchen. He heads towards the kitchen door and sees that Annie made her siblings and herself already breakfast. Cheerios, what else? Jared gives his kids a small smile when he walks into the kitchen and kisses each of them on the cheek. Sophie-Ellie giggles, Luke rolls his eyes – he’s getting too old for that, but Jared doesn’t care – and Annie sends him a tiny smile that it warms his heart. His oldest is doing so much better since they moved here. It’s only been four days, but Annie is really enjoying it here. And Jared couldn’t be happier about that.

 

There are still days when the kids cry or seek comfort with Jared, but overall they’re getting better. Jared, though, still feels like his heart has been ripped out of his chest. Moving to Dalton, however, feels like a step in the right direction.

 

They all finish their breakfast – Jared had only coffee – and then he ushers his three kids to the car. The drive to Sophia is short, maybe five minutes. Jared’s best friend is already waiting, sitting on her porch holding a cup of coffee in her hand. She smiles and waves when she sees them.

 

Jared stops the car and the kids jump out to run and greet Sophia. She gives them all a hug and grins when Jared walks slowly towards the house.

 

“Hey, sweetie,” she greets him. “How’re you doin’?”

 

He smiles back. “Good.” It’s a lie. He hasn’t felt good in six months, but when Sophia notices she doesn’t say so. She just kisses his cheek and offers him a coffee. “Naw, thanks. I need to get going.” He pulls her into a short hug. “Thanks for watching the kids. I’ll see you later.”

 

“No problem and good luck.”

 

Jared turns to his kids and hugs them. “I love you, guys. Be good to Aunt Sophia. I’ll be here to pick you up later in the afternoon.”

 

“Bye, daddy,” Sophie-Ellie gives him a loud kiss and Jared chuckles.

 

Luke and Annie give him a kiss as well and when Annie whispers ‘bye daddy’ in Jared’s ear his heart swells. It was definitely a good idea to move to Dalton.

 

~

 

The building where the paper is situated is on Main Street, two blocks from the store where Jensen hit on Jared and the station is just on the opposite side of the street. Jared groans. He just hopes he won’t see the guy today. He’s so not in the mood to deal with another pick-up line today.

 

Jared parks the car in front of the paper’s building and makes his way towards the entrance. Dalton News is on the second floor and Jared walks upstairs taking two stairs at the same time. He opens the glass door with the logo printed on and walks into a room with four desks and a reception. Nobody is manning the reception table, though and Jared looks at his watch. It’s nine thirty in the morning and the office seems empty.

 

“Hey.”

 

Jared jerks around to his right. “Damn, you scared me.”

 

The woman who’s leaning against the doorframe to another office laughs. She has long brown hair and is about ten to fifteen years older than Jared. She’s wearing jeans, boots and a dark shirt and her eyes sparkle when she grins at Jared.

 

“Wouldn’t have thought you were the anxious-type, Mr. Padalecki-Lafferty.” Jared looks puzzled and she grins wider. “I’m Sam Ferris. We talked on the phone.”

 

Now, Jared grins back. “Nice to meet you, Ma’am.” He holds out his hand, but Sam scowls at him.

 

“First, I’m not a Ma’am. I’m not Mrs. Ferris or Samantha. It’s Sam. Got it?” Jared nods quickly. “Good.” Sam shakes his hand and points to her office. “C’mon in. We’ll have a lot to talk about.”

 

He follows Sam into her office. It’s a small room, just enough space for a desk and a sideboard and it’s completely neat. There is not one book out of its place and Sam’s desk is tidy, too. Jared wonders how she does it. When he works on something, his desk is always cluttered with all kinds of papers and books.

 

Sam offers him the chair on this site of the desk and walks around to sit down in her chair. She tells him a little about the paper, that it’s almost hundred years old and her great-grandfather founded it in 1911. Gabriel Tigermann and Kathrine Isabelle are responsible for editing and printing the paper. They have their offices on the first floor. Two other writers are working for the paper. One is Danneel Harris, she’s responsible for everything concerning life-style and the other is Chace Crawford, responsible for everything concerning sport. They’re both not in right now.

 

So, Jared and Sam will write about everything else. She also tells him that she’s fine with him working from home at least until school starts again. But they agree on a staff meeting once a week. Sam also asks him if he ever wrote for the crime department and when he answers with ‘no’ she tells him that this will be his first article. It’s about a fire at the Baxter Ranch. Just something small, so Sam can see how he works.

 

“Okay, so when we’re finished here you might go down to the station and talk to Katie Cassidy and Fred Lehne. It be good if you’d also interview our sheriff Jensen Ackles.”

 

Jared cringes inwardly. He really doesn’t want to go down to the station, but seems like he has no other choice. His hesitance seems to show on his face, because Sam raises her eyebrows and asks, “You’ve got a problem with that?”

 

“What?” Jared shakes his head. “No, it’s just new writing about crime, y’know.”

 

Sam watches him a moment without saying anything and then nods. “You know, Jared. I really don’t like liars. You wanna tell me the truth now?”

 

Shit, Jared thinks, busted. He feels his cheeks heat up and sends Sam an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. I… it’s just that Jensen Ackles and I met before and it didn’t really go well. But it’s fine. I can interview him, no problem.”

 

Sam nods. “Good.” She leans back into her chair. “Look, I don’t know what happened between you and Jen and I don’t want to. Gossip is Danneel’s department, not mine. But I can tell you that he’s a very decent person, honest and loyal.”

 

Jared watches her talk about Jensen with a small, but genuine smile on her face. And he wonders, not for the first time, if maybe Jensen has an evil twin, because the man he met yesterday and the man who hit on him at the store can’t really be same person. Jensen Ackles remains an enigma to Jared and he is surprised that he kind of wants to solve it.

 

“I’ll talk to him and the two deputies.” Sam repeats their names and Jared writes it down. In addition he gets the address of the Baxter Ranch so that he can drive over there and talk to the old Baxter himself.

 

Jared just wants to stand up to get to his work, when Sam stops him. “Jared.” He raises his eyebrows curiously. “You did entertainment in Chicago, right?” He nods, not knowing where this is going. “I don’t know if you know, but we have a band called ‘Kane’ in Dalton and they’re having a gig in Dallas next Saturday. I’d really like for you to go there and write something about it, if that’s okay. I can even offer you a reliable babysitter. Me.”

 

Jared chuckles. “No, thanks. I already have a babysitter. And I’d love to do the article for the band. I met Chris and Steve this weekend and they’re pretty cool guys.”

 

“Great.” Sam gets up, too and shakes Jared’s hand. “I’d say you better get to work and we can have the article about the fire in tomorrow. Just mail me the article, okay? It was really great to meet you and I’m glad decided to work for Dalton News.”

 

Jared smiles. “Me too. I’ll get to work now. Talk to you soon. Bye.” And he’s out the door. Now he just has to go down to the station and get it over with. Damn, it’s just an interview, can’t be that hard. Jared sighs and walks slowly down that stairs.

 

*~**~*

 

Jensen’s morning starts with coffee, lots of coffee, like everyday. But today it’s even more appreciated, because his night sucked. He couldn’t really sleep and Jensen’s a guy who adores and worships his sleep and bed, and everyone in Dalton knows that Jensen isn’t a morning person at the best of times. He hates nights when he can’t seem to find a decent position to fall asleep in his bed or when too many things are running through his head keeping him awake.

 

Last night was one of the nights where his head kept him awake. Jared’s a constant figure in his thoughts ever since he met him on Saturday and he can’t remember ever feeling like such an ass. He’s constantly thinking about apologizing and making it up to Jared. But he’s also sure that Jared won’t appreciate any of his advances, even though Jensen just wants to say sorry.

 

Besides, that’s not the only thing running through his head that concerns Jared. There is also the weird attraction thing Jensen can’t seem to shake. He may never used to handle rejections well, not that it happened often in the last years. But normally he’d bitch about it for a few hours and then the guy would be forgotten. Not Jared, though. Jensen thinks about Jared’s eyes, his lips, his bangs and his endless body laid out beneath him.

 

He jerked off to Jared’s image in his head for at least four times, if not more, over the last forty-eight hours. It’s embarrassing really and it’s getting to him. He’s not a teenager anymore and coming so hard he sees stars takes a lot of strength from his body. He just needs to get over himself and forget Jared. He will never have a chance with the guy, not even when hell freezes over.

 

For breakfast, he drops by at Jim’s and gets a blueberry muffin and a coffee-to-go. That has to do it ‘til he gets something with more meat at lunch. He’s still pretty early when he walks into the station and only Alona is sitting at her desk. She gives him a bright smile and a little wave when he enters.

 

“Well, you look like hell warmed over,” she greets and Jensen grunts. His colleagues know not to talk to him before he at least finished his third coffee and Alona just grins and goes back to her work.

 

Jensen walks into his office and kicks the door shut. He falls into his chair and closes his eyes for a minute to prepare himself mentally for the day that lies ahead. He’s pretty sure the old Baxter will come in and talk to him about the fire. And he also expects Mike to drop by and rip him a new one for treating Jared like crap.

 

Jensen can’t remember the last time Mike has been really angry with him. It must have been several years ago. It’s kind of strange how protective his friends already are about Jared considering they only met him three days ago. But Jared seems to be the kind of guy who brings it out in people. Maybe it’s the sadness and fatigue in his eyes. Maybe it’s the way he winces when someone mentions his husband. Jensen himself already feels completely protective about Jared. So, he’s glad that his friends feel the same way.

 

And there he is, thinking about Jared again. He groans and bumps his head against his desk. Maybe that’ll help and get the wet-dream of a man out his brain. The knock on the door makes him lift his head and Alona snorts at the pathetic look Jensen knows is there.

 

She drops him another coffee on his desk and raises an eyebrow waiting for Jensen to explain his current state.

 

He shakes his head, but says, “I fucked up, Al. Big time.”

 

Alona walks around the desk and leans against it, looking at Jensen with soft eyes. “You wanna talk about it?”

 

He shakes is head. “Not really.”

 

“Okay.” Alona nods. “But you know where to find me.” She bends down and kisses his cheek. “Y’know, Jen, you’re one of the most decent people I know. You’re loving and honest and loyal to your friends. You can fix it.”

 

Jensen snorts. “I wish.” He really isn’t sure how to fix this.

 

Alone gives him a short, encouraging smile, before pushing away from the desk. “I’ll leave you to your work. Just remember there is always more coffee out there.” She walks out of the office and closes the door quietly.

 

Jensen rubs a hand over his face and sighs, before looking at the papers on his desk. He shuffles through reports and notes of calls he has to make after two weeks of vacation. He actually gets some things done before he hears the front door to the station opening an hour later. The door to his office is getting jerked open and Chad looks inside with a big smirk on his face.

 

“Morning, Jenny. How’s tricks?”

 

Jensen groans and wants to hide beneath his desk so Chad won’t go on his nerves anymore. “Good and don’t call me Jenny,” he grumbles at a half hearted response.

 

“God, dude you need to get laid. Wouldn’t be so grumpy anymore.”

 

“Chad, don’t you have something to do.” Jensen points at the papers on his desk. “I really need to get this done.”

 

“Sure, Jenny,” Chad nods. “You’ve already seen the fresh meat?”

 

Jensen heads shoots up from the papers he was looking at to ignore Chad. “What?” He asks, feeling a little breathless.

 

“I heard we’ve got someone new in town. Must be a hottie, by the way half the town is talking. I heard everything about the guy’s gorgeous smile and pretty ass.”

 

Jensen sighs irritated. “Y’know ‘the guy’ has a name. It’s Jared. It’d be nice if you’d call him that.”

 

Chad snorts, but his answer is cut off when Alona walks into the office and nods dreamily. “Yeah, I talked to Mindy, Charlie’s daughter and she told me that he bought a truck from her dad. He must be really hot and really tall.”

 

“Hm, Jenny. What do you think? Maybe he’s gay and you can hit that.”

 

Jensen cringes and then tries to cover it up with yawning, but Chad saw him and an evil smirk forms on his face. “Jenny, you horny bitch, you already did. And how did that go?”

 

Alona looks at him with wide eyes and suddenly realization shows on her face. “Come on, Chad. I got a call about an abandoned car out on 377. You and Adrienne need to check that out. You can talk to Jensen later.”

 

Chad sighs, but salutes to Jensen and is out of the office in a second. He hears him yelling for Adrienne to follow him and then the front door opens and falls closed a second later. Alona, though, is still watching Jensen with a curious look on her face.

 

“So you met Jared, then? It’s Jared, right?” Jensen nods defeated. “What happened that he crawled under your skin like this? I’ve never seen you so distraught about a guy before.”

 

Jensen shrugs. “I saw him at the store on Saturday. I hit on him and when he brushed me of in a rude manner I called him a frigid asshole and asked him if his true love just died.” Alona’s face is blank, without any form of judgment. “Thing is, his husband died six months ago. That’s why he moved to Dalton. I swear I didn’t know that when I hit on him. I even checked on a damn wedding ring.”

 

Alona lets out a deep breath. “Well, shit. That’s… not good.”

 

“Yeah, tell me about it.” Jensen sighs. “I tried to apologize. Even made my mom’s apple-pie and bought flowers. I went to his door and he thought I tried to hit on him again. Then I swore in front of one of his kids and he threatened to call the sheriff.” Alona smiles slightly. “Slammed the door in my face when I told him that I’m the sheriff.”

 

“Wow, you really fucked that up, huh?”

 

“I told you.” Jensen shrugs his shoulders. “I wish I could take it all back, y’know. Or that he believes me when I say I’m sorry, well, when I actually get to say sorry.”

 

“You really like him.” It’s a statement, not a question. Alona is right Jensen likes Jared. He just doesn’t know how to make it right again.

 

He nods and runs a hand through his short, dark blond hair. “I don’t even know why. I mean, I haven’t even exchanged one nice word with him so far. I completely screwed things up!”

 

“If he’s the nice guy everyone in town talks about he’ll listen eventually. And if not,” Alona looks at him with a stern look, “he’s not worth it.”

 

Jensen laughs, short and humorlessly. “You know I’m the bad guy here.”

 

“Jen,” Alona gives him a small smile, “you didn’t know his husband is dead. Okay, maybe calling him a frigid asshole was pretty low, especially with the true love comment, but when he finally gets to know you he’ll see that you’re truly sorry. You’re not a bad guy, Jensen. True you acted like a jerk, but I doubt Jared will hold that against you you’re entire life. You hurt his pride, nothing more, he’ll get over it, I promise.”

 

Jensen gives her a sad smile. “I love you, you know that.” Alona laughs, but her cheeks get a little red, too. “Really, I mean it. If I wouldn’t be gay I would totally sweep you of your feet and marry you.” She looks down at her feet to avoid Jensen’s eyes, but he knows she’s blushing. “I don’t even know why I deserve you.”

 

“You can stop,” she looks up, her cheeks bright red. “I’ll get you another coffee.” It’s a long-time joke between them that if Jensen compliments Alona she’ll brush it off and always makes it sound like he does it because he wants something from her. But he knows that Alona knows he’s serious about it.

 

“Thanks,” he kisses her cheek and ushers her out of his office. “I really need to get back to my paperwork.”

 

The door closes and Jensen is alone again. He just can hope that Alona is right about what she says about Jared. He really wants that and if he gets another chance, he’ll make it right this time.

 

~

 

Another hour passes before Jensen hears Mike talking to Katie Cassidy outside and he prepares himself for what is about to come. There is a knock on the door and Jensen calls ‘come in’. Mike walks into his office with a hard look on his face and Jensen knows he deserves it. The door closes behind his friend quietly and it scares Jensen how calm Mike is today. Normally he is more of the belligerent type.

 

“Hey.” Jensen greets him quietly.

 

“Damn, Jenny. You really fucked that up.” Jensen nods, because he did and he knows it. “Jared is a nice guy and he really doesn’t need someone to fuck him right now.”

 

“I know, okay. I know.” Jensen defends himself. “I didn’t know about his husband when I hit on him. I just saw a hot guy and I was pissed that he brushed me off. I know I fucked up,” he explains embarrassed.

 

“Okay, then you can back off now, right? Leave him alone.”

 

Jensen sighs. “I like him.”

 

Mike snorts. “Oh come on, Jenny. We all know that you’re not the commitment type. And that’s fine, just not for Jared. The man has kids and a family. He has responsibilities, not to mention a heap load of grief still on his shoulders. Flirting is the last thing he needs.”

 

Jensen pushes back from his desk. Anger suddenly boiling in his belly. He’s just so sick of people who peg him as a commitment-phobic asshole. “Well, fuck you. You think y’all know exactly what a type I am. Let me tell you something, though. You know nothing, Mike, nothing. So don’t pretend to know what a type I am.”

 

“Jenny?” Mike asks stunned with wide eyes.

 

“You know nothing about what I want or what I dream of, so just let it go, Mikey,” Jensen spits out and at the same moment, he wishes he hadn’t said a word.

 

Mike’s face softens. “Why don’t you tell me?”

 

Jensen snorts. “So y’all can laugh about me. No, thank you.” He turns away from Mike to get his emotions in check again and when he faces his friend again he keeps is face blank. “Look, Mike. I really need to get these done.” He points at the papers on his desk. They really seem to be his favorite excuse today.

 

His friend nods baffled. “Yeah, sure. I’ll talk to you later. You coming over for dinner sometime this week?”

 

Jensen nods. “Yeah. I’ll call you. See you later, man.”

 

After the door closes behind Mike, Jensen sinks into his chair. He never wanted to say so much to Mike. This isn’t a topic he ever wanted to discuss with his friends, not because he doesn’t trust them, he does, but because they wouldn’t believe him if he told them that he wanted something serious. He had fucked around for too long for his friends to believe that he’s serious now. They don’t know the Jensen Ackles that goes home to an empty apartment and lies in an empty bed. They don’t know that he thinks about finding someone to spend his life with. Nobody really knows about that.

 

Jensen sighs. What a crappy day and it has only just started. What will happen next to punish him for what he did to Jared? Another soft knock pulls him out of his thoughts. It’s Alona.

 

“Jen, Jared Padalecki-Lafferty is here. He likes to talk to you, Katie and Fred about the fire at the Baxter Ranch for an article for the paper.”

 

Her face is full of sympathy, as if she knows that Jensen is nowhere near ready to face Jared right now. But he will, because he’s a professional and he can bury his emotions for a few minutes for an interview. Normally he gets interviewed by Sam when they do an article for the paper.

 

Shortly he wonders if Jared told Sam what happened and she’ll be the next one to rip him a new one. But every thought leaves his head when Jared walks into his office, in similar jeans to the ones he wore on Saturday and a light blue t-shirt. He looks tired and drained. Jensen remembers the look from meeting Jared on Saturday and he asks himself if Jared has a sleeping problem.

 

“Hi,” Jensen greets sheepishly and offers Jared a chair in front of his desk.

 

“Good morning.” Jared’s look is cold when he greats Jensen back.

 

Great, Jensen thinks, that’s fucking great. He wishes Jared would give him a fucking break. He just wants to offer coffee when Alona walks into the room with a cup of coffee for Jared, and Katie and Fred on her heels. The two deputies sit down and Jared goes over to business directly. He introduces him shortly as the new reporter for Dalton News and starts asking a few questions.

 

It’s overly politely and Jensen would rather have Jared scream at him and throw a punch. It would make him feel better, but Jared barely looks at him, even when Jensen is the one answering questions. It makes it clear that Jared wants nothing to do with Jensen. It hurts, in a way Jensen never imagined it would.

 

When the interview is over Jared says ‘thanks’ and ‘goodbye’ to Katie and Fred. And Jensen searches his brain for a reason to ask Jared to stay a little longer. He really wants to tell the other man he is sorry. Katie and Fred leave and Jared holds out his hand.

 

“Thanks for the interview,” his voice is quiet, but warm and his eyes seem a little softer.

 

Jensen shakes his hand. “No problem.” He releases Jared’s hand again, even though he kinda wants to hold it forever. It’s nice and warm and strong and wraps around Jensen’s in just the right way. He takes a deep breath, before continuing, “Look, Jared.” The younger man looks wary. “I wanted to say sorry, because I am. I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t know about your husband, but that’s no excuse. I insulted you and I wanted you to know that I’m sorry.”

 

Jared looks at him for a long time with an unreadable look on his face. Before a small smile tugs at the edges of his mouth and he nods. “Okay.” He looks towards the door as if he wants to escape. “I really need to get going. Bye.” And he rushes out the door.

 

Five seconds later Alona walks into Jensen’s office. “And?” She asks curious.

 

“Well, at least he didn’t slam the door in my face this time.” Jensen sighs. This day sucks so much, like almost every day since he got back from his trip to Cali.

 

*~**~*

 

When Mike leaves the station, he feels a little out of his depth with what Jensen just said to him. He has known the guy almost all his life. They went to school together and were friends long before that. And right now he feels a little like he met someone entirely new.

 

All these years he thought he had Jensen figured out. The guy was a great friend, always there when someone needed help. But he was never one who was looking for commitment in a relationship. Jensen had never said a word about wanting a serious relationship.

 

Mike pulls out his phone and presses a button. It rings and second later Tom’s voice is greeting him, “Hey gorgeous. What’s up?”

 

“I think Jensen is falling in love.” He doesn’t even bother to greet his husband. He just has to get this of his chest.

 

It’s silent for a moment and then Tom breaks into a loud laugh. Mike cringes, because it happened exactly what Jensen had said earlier.

 

“What? Our Jenny,” Tom asks a little breathless after he mostly stops laughing. “You’re kidding, right? Jen will never fall in love. He likes to screw around.”

 

Mike sighs. “Yeah, we all thought so, didn’t we? I think we were wrong.”

 

“Mike, what are you saying?” Tom asks seriously, when he hears Mike’s earnest voice.

 

“Jenny… our Jenny is falling in love. He may not call it love, but I can see it in his eyes. And he’s falling for Jared.”

 

It’s silent again, but this time Tom doesn’t laugh. “Jared, the same Jared he called a frigid asshole who lost his true love? Oh God! This could get really messy...,” he says stunned.

 

Mike nods and then remembers that Tom can’t see him. “Yes. I’m telling you. I went to the station and talked to Jensen. He admitted liking him and when I said that Jared doesn’t need someone to screw around with, he snapped. Told me that I didn’t know what he wanted out of life and then he all but kicked me out of the office.”

 

“But, Mike. It’s still Jensen we’re talking about,” Tom reasons. “He’s just not the guy to fall head-over-heels in love with someone. Maybe you read it all wrong.”

 

Mike sighs. “Y’know, I think that’s exactly why Jensen didn’t tell us about how he wants his future to be, because we wouldn’t believe him. But Tom, I’ve known Jensen all my life and I know that Jared has gotten under his skin.”

 

“So, you really believe that Jensen is falling for Jared?” Tom asks again.

 

“Yes!” Mike insists.

 

“Well, shit. What do we do now?”

 

“Don’t ask me. I have no fucking idea.”

 

Chapter Five

 

Time flies by and suddenly Jared finds himself in the middle of his second week in Dalton. Last week had been kind of hectic with meeting a lot of new people, and unpacking a few boxes and writing his first two articles for the paper, one about the fire at the Baxter Ranch, and the second about the Kane concert in Dallas. Sam really liked them both and Jared could relax a little bit, at least regarding his work.

 

Jensen kept his distance like he promised. Jared only saw him at baseball practice and they exchanged a few random words, like ‘hello’ and ‘nice weather’. He appreciates Jensen keeping his distance. However, Luke doesn’t seem to have picked up the animosity Jared has with Jensen. He’s talking constantly about his new baseball coach and how cool it is that Jensen is also the sheriff. He tells everybody who wants to know that Jensen invited him to the station and is going to show him around.

 

Sophie-Ellie isn’t better. Every time she hears Luke talk about Jensen and the station she interrupts her brother to say that Jensen also invited her and Ben down to visit the station and not just Luke. Annie seems to be the only one, who doesn’t want to go to the station. She always rolls her eyes when her siblings start to gush about the sheriff and the station and walks out of the room.

 

Jared isn’t sure why Annie is so adverse regarding Jensen, but he remembers clearly the morning when Jensen came by to give him the flowers and the pie, and Annie was mad at Jensen. He didn’t tell his eleven-year-old what happened at the store, so it has to be something different that makes Annie dislike Jensen. He can’t remember Annie disliking anyone else like she dislikes Jensen.

 

Luke and Sophie-Ellie, though, are both so damn excited about visiting the station and Jared feels guilty that every time the topic comes up, which is at least three times a day, he turns his younger kids down and uses work or friends as an excuse not to take them over there. Until now Jared was always successful in distracting Luke and Sophie-Ellie, but he knows that the day will come and they will get what they want. He will have to deal with the visit, then.

 

Okay Jensen apologized, and Jared believes that he really is sorry, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt thinking about the hurtful things Jensen said. And Jared just doesn’t feel comfortable spending time with Jensen. Even though he was positively surprised how well Jensen got along with kids, and how nice he seemed the day of the baseball game and when Jared interviewed him for the paper.

 

Tom and Mike invited Jared on Saturday to spend the evening with them. Chris and Steve would be there, and Jensen, too. When Jared heard that, he used the unpacked boxes in his house as an excuse to stay home. He knows it’s probably shitty of him to bail on his new friends, who have been nothing but supporting and caring, but something about Jensen’s company unnerves Jared.

 

He doesn’t know what it is, but something is drawing him to Jensen. He still gets goose bumps when he thinks about the way Jensen looked at him while he was holding Sophie-Ellie. It doesn’t feel right. It feels like betraying James and his memory, and the worst is he doesn’t even like Jensen. However, Jared can’t deny that he’s attracted to him.

 

He hasn’t been interested in other men, since the day he met James at college. And even before that Jared has only ever fooled around with Colin Winters in high school. So, why does Jared feel like there could be a connection, if he just let it get so far? A connection he doesn’t even want. A connection he doesn’t need. The kids are his priority right now. Jared had his chance at a happily-ever-after and he blew it. James is dead and even though sometimes Jared thinks about how great it would be to be loved again he knows he doesn’t deserve it.

 

Annie went to Tom and Mike on Saturday, though and spent time with the twins. She’s finally coming out of her shell. She’s talking more, and she told him that she really likes Maddie and Lizzy, and Dalton isn’t so bad. Jared guesses that is all he can expect of his oldest, and he’s glad she’s doing better.

 

As far as he can tell she had a great time on Saturday. She didn’t tell him a lot just that it was fun and Maddie and Lizzy are great. But he had heard her laughing from the bedroom balcony that night and it had warmed his heart for a little time. Luke and Sophie-Ellie are doing better, too. They both really like it here. Jared thinks it might have something to do with Ben and Dan being here as well. So, the transition between Chicago and Dalton isn’t too major. Honestly, he doesn’t want to analyze it too much. The kids are doing better, and that is all that matters.

 

Luke, Evan and Sophie-Ellie spent the night sleeping over at Sophia’s. Jared had introduced her to Mike the other day at baseball practice and they instantly liked each other. Besides Luke, Dan and Evan are inseparable, ever since the first baseball game where they watched Evan play. So, it was kind of given that Evan went with Luke to have the sleep-over.

 

That meant Jared had the whole house for himself, and he actually managed to unpack all of the boxes that were still full, and finally the house looks more like a home than a random accommodation.

 

**

 

Jared’s panting. He’s carrying the last box up to the fourth floor to James’ and his new apartment. It’s situated in an older part of Chicago in a kind of rundown house, but it’s everything they can afford with the money they’re making. Jared is helping out at the small book store down the street, that’s how they found the apartment by the way, Mitchell the owner knew there was an apartment for rent and told Jared. And James is working in the mail department of a local engineering firm hoping he will maybe get an internship soon.

 

It was kind of a given that they would move in together for their second year in college. The first year living with different roommates had been hard enough. Angie and Matthew, James’ parents, had only shared a knowing smile and offered to help them look for an apartment, and then helped them move in.

 

Jared’s parents, though, were shocked when Jared told them that he and James decided to move in together. They still hadn’t accepted James as Jared’s boyfriend and Sharon still tried to set Jared up with ‘suitable’, meaning rich, young men. That’s why he hadn’t been to San Antonio since Thanksgiving last year. His parents hadn’t even met James yet, but they had already deemed him ‘unworthy’ of their son.

 

When Jared told them where he was moving, his mother almost had a breakdown and his father had screamed for the better part of the phone call, until Jared had hung up. Gerald had called back immediately and offered to pay for a much better apartment in the best part of Chicago. If Jared wanted to move in with James it should at least be in a good neighborhood. Jared, however, refused to take the money, which caused his father to fall into another screaming fit.

 

Jared knows exactly what it means when his parents offer him money. It always comes with strings attached. And he doesn’t want to owe his parents anything. Besides, he likes to earn what he spends, and if an old apartment in a rundown house is the only thing they can afford, so be it. At least it’s theirs and they worked for it.

 

Sophomore year in college will starts next week, and they just came back from spending some time in Cali for vacation. It had been great to spend some time away with Misha, Sophia and Sandy. Just the five of them, and a beach house at a deserted bay. It had been exactly what they had been looking for, and they had a lot of fun swimming, sunbathing and mostly just chilling out. Something happened between Sophia and Misha, Jared is sure of that, but his friends are not talking, not even to each other. They avoid any kind of interaction with each other at all. Jared and Sandy had tried to talk to Sophia, and James to Misha. But none of them had gotten anything out of these two.

 

He and James both think it would be kind of cool if Misha and Sophia might get together, even though they are very different to each other. Misha is the calm and quiet guy nothing can shock, and Sophia is a lot more outgoing, yelling and ranting at everything that bugs her. Well, opposites attract. Isn’t that what they say? And they’re both single.

 

Sandy is currently dating a girl named Claire, but according to Sandy it’s nothing serious, which is why Claire didn’t go with them on vacation.

 

When he arrives at their apartment he puts the box down in a corner, where already all the other boxes are piling up. The apartment is small, just a small bedroom, a living room slash kitchen that isn’t much bigger, and a tiny bath, but it doesn’t matter to Jared. All that matters is that he and James are moving in together. They will be together for a year next week, a year so full of love that Jared can’t stop smiling.

 

James comes out of the bedroom with his favorite sweatpants hanging low on his hips and without a shirt. Jared swallows hard. It’s always been like this; whenever Jared sees James like this, the other man takes his breath away. He sees James’ muscles flex beneath the smooth white skin and moan’s low in his throat. Jared wants.

 

James chuckles and walks over to Jared. He hooks his fingers into Jared’s belt loops and pulls him towards the bedroom.

 

“But the boxes,” Jared tries halfheartedly.

 

James shakes his head and pushes Jared down on the mattress that is resting on the floor. Their real bed hasn’t been delivered yet and until then they have to use a mattress lying on the floor. Jared doesn’t care. What he cares about is James hovering over him with darkened eyes. He pushes up on his elbows and catches James’ mouth in a heated kiss.

 

They get distracted like this often.

 

**

 

Right now Jared feels like he could start calling Texas home again. James never liked Texas and everything he connected with the state, which was mostly oil and Jared’s parents. Padalecki oil is well known in the states, being the second largest oil company in the country. But James also didn’t like the heat, or cowboy boots and hats. James was a city kind of guy through and through. Not that Jared minded. It was one of the things that drew him to James. But he really hadn’t been aware of how much he missed living in Texas over the last fourteen years.

 

Jared relishes in the kindness of the town’s people. He had a friendly relationship with his neighbors in Chicago, but it was nothing compared to the open kindness of the citizens of Dalton. The heat is great, too and his new friends are amazing people, who mingle great with his old friends. Misha went to the Kane concert with Jared last Friday and he even liked it. Country or Southern Rock isn’t normally his kind of music. He’s more of the esoteric kind of guy.

 

Tom had accompanied them, while Mike had watched the twins, Annie, Luke, Dan and Evan. Sophie-Ellie and Ben stayed with Sophia. Jared had invited Sandy and Alexis and they jumped at the opportunity to get to know some of Jared’s new friends.

 

Jensen had planned to come too Mike told him, but he had to cancel on short notice. Sandy and Alexis seemed both a little disappointed. Sophia had told them about the super hot sheriff in Dalton and they really would have liked to meet the guy that hit on, Jared and tell him what they think of his behavior.

 

But Jared didn’t care. Really, he didn’t. Okay, maybe a teeny-tiny part of him was disappointed, too, but he doesn’t have to admit that. Jared hadn’t asked what it was that was keeping Jensen, but he was kind of curious, wondered if maybe it had something to do with him going. He didn’t want to keep Jensen from his friends.

 

Anyway, all of them really had a lot of fun at the concert. ‘Kane’ was really good and the atmosphere at the bar, where they had their gig, was buzzing. The drinks afterwards with Chris and Steve were fun, too. Sandy, Alexis and Misha fit well with Chris, Steve and Tom and Jared felt relieved that his friends, new and old, got along so well with each other.

 

He wrote a three thousand words article about the concert and Sam was so thrilled she put it on the front page in the Tuesday issue. The paper comes out twice a week, every Tuesday and Saturday and Jared enjoys writing for the paper. It gives him a sense of achievement. He really likes working with Sam and she’s also a really nice woman outside of work. She always offers him her help, and asks how the kids are adjusting to the new surroundings. She seems to seriously care about Jared and the kids, and Jared likes it.

 

He also met his four colleagues Danneel, Chace, Gabriel and Katherine. Gabriel and Katherine are very nice and helpful. Jared doesn’t see too much of them, though, because they’re situated on the first floor of the building.

 

Danneel is nice enough, too. She is maybe a little slutty with her short skirts and low-cut tops, but otherwise she hasn’t done anything for Jared to dislike her. Mike, Tom, Chris and Steve may have all warned him of her. They told him that Danneel has the reputation of being the town slut, but until now she hasn’t done anything, except practically shoving her boobs into his face all the time, for Jared to think of her badly. His new friends made it clear that they don’t like her, but at the moment Danneel is really nice to Jared.

 

Chace, however, is a completely different story. He is a total manwhore. Okay, maybe he looks good, but he totally knows it, too. Physically, he is kind of Jared’s type of guy, tall, dark, handsome, but he is too much over the top, and far too arrogant for Jared to even consider liking him, let alone dating him. And he is even more persistent than Jensen. Jared really doesn’t like him and thinks the guys should have warned him about Chace, rather than Danneel.

 

He hits on Jared every opportunity he gets, calls him ‘sugar’ or ‘handsome’. He always tells Jared how gorgeous he is, and that Chace could show him exactly how to enjoy life. He’s constantly touching Jared, running his hands over Jared’s arms, or laying them on Jared’s shoulder or back. When they cross each other in the hour or two Jared’s in the office every day, he always walks so close that he’s practically rubbing against Jared.

 

Chace knows about James, just like about everybody in town. News travels fast in small towns. And Jared has already asked Chace politely to stop his advances, but he really seems deaf on that topic. Where Jensen backed off and even apologized, Chace pushes and pushes and Jared isn’t sure how long he can keep it politely before snapping. He really doesn’t know what to do about that. The thing is Chace is his colleague, and Jared is sure Sam wouldn’t appreciate him getting in a fight with Chace, in his first week at work.

 

Besides, he’s so fucking tired all the time lately. When he manages to sleep it’s not more than an hour or two, and then he’s back to tossing and turning. Nightmares are still invading his sleep every time he actually falls asleep. Mostly it’s the same dream over and over. James is begging Jared to save him and bleeds out in Jared’s arms, while every time Jared tries to keep him alive. But sometimes it’s even more horrible. Sometimes he dreams of a screaming James who comes apart beneath Jared’s hands until Jared is holding nothing more than dust in his hands.

 

He had never problems sleeping when James was still alive. But the guilt and the heart ache keeps him awake at night. If he just had been more insistent with James, if he wouldn’t have let him go outside, or gotten him to the doctor earlier, James would still be alive. If Jared had done his job of protecting the man he still loves so much, James would still be alive.

 

Eating is another point that’s hard for Jared, because he just can’t stomach anything. Every dish is flavorless and unappealing. And just thinking about eating something turns Jared’s stomach upside down. He makes sure that the kids eat, though. He cooks every night, just like he used to in Chicago, but he himself only picks at this dinner and never finishes it.

 

Dark circles surround his eyes and he’s lost weight. His pants are too big now and his shirts hang off him as if they don’t belong to him anymore. Jared sees his friends, old and new, looking at him with concern in their eyes. Until now nobody said something, though. Jim keeps offering free steaks when he goes to the diner to get a coffee, but Jared always declines politely. He just wonders when Jim will force him to sit down and eat something, because he’s sure it won’t take much longer.

 

He rubs his eyes tiredly, while walking down Main Street. He’s on his way to the paper to check in with Sam, when he sees the poster glued to the wall next to him. A photo of Jensen shines forth. It shows a smiling, relaxed and innocent looking Jensen and beneath it is written ‘Watch out! This guy hits on grieving men!’. What the hell? He stares with stunned eyes at the poster, before rushing over to the station. Somebody is using him, using his grief. Okay, he’s not on the picture, but still everybody will know that it’s him. Anger and hurt start burning in his belly.

 

Pushing open the door he sees Jensen leaning against the first desk next to Alona. She’s smiling at him and to Jared it’s clear that she has a crush on him, but Jensen seems oblivious. The older man turns around and his eyes widen in surprise when he sees Jared, but he seems pleased.

 

“Jared?” He asks curiously.

 

“What the hell?” Jensen looks at him with a puzzled look and Jared clarifies, “The posters? Outside?”

Jensen still looks completely unaware. “Didn’t you see the posters outside?”

 

Jensen shakes his head. “No. Why?”

 

“Go, have a look.” Jared points in the direction where he saw the poster.

 

Jensen and Alona rush outside, before Jared can even follow them he hears Jensen yell, “CHAD!” The older man walks back inside and a blond guy lifts his head from behind a pile of paper with a knowing smirk. Jared wasn’t even aware that someone else was in the station.

 

The guy winks at Jared and suddenly Jared is sure that this isn’t meant to hurt him, but to make fun of Jensen. And his anger and hurt fade to amusement when he sees Jensen’s face, bright red and his eyes are about to pop. It worked and if Jared is honest, Jensen kind of deserves it, too.

 

“Tell me you didn’t put up these posters, Murray,” Jensen exclaims, and the guy, Chad apparently, shrugs. “God, what’s wrong with you?”

 

“What?” Chad asks with fake innocence. “It’s true, isn’t it? You hit on him, didn’t you?”

 

Jared has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. Jensen is furious.

 

“You’re an ass, Chad. I don’t know why I let you still work here. You ever thought about that you might actually hurt Jared with these posters.” Jensen shakes his head. “His husband died and you are using his grief to annoy me. That’s just wrong, Chad.”

 

Jared is kind of stunned that Jensen thinks of him first. He never would have thought that Jensen would rip Chad a new one because he might have hurt Jared. But Chad’s smug grin actually falters a little bit and he looks apologetically at Jared.

 

“You’ll take them off, right now,” Jensen demands, before turning to Jared. His face softens, “I’m sorry, Jared. Chad, he has no sense of decency.”

 

“Well, it’s kind of funny,” Jared answers with a glint in his eyes. Jensen kind of had it coming and he deserves a little payback for how he treated Jared.

 

Jensen rolls his eyes. “You, too? Great! Y’know, I’ve tried to apologize a million times for how I treated you. I don’t know what else to do to get you to believe me.” He walks off into his office and slams the door so hard that the windows rattle. He seems really pissed off and Jared feels a little bad for making fun of Jensen, too. The other man had tried to defend Jared.

 

Chad bursts out laughing as soon as the door is closed, but Alona watches both of them with a hard look on her face.

 

“That’s not fair. Jensen is feeling bad enough about what he did. He really does.”

 

“Al, it was just a joke.”

 

Alona shakes her head. “No, I tell you what it was. Completely unnecessary. You just thought of something else you could annoy Jensen with. You can be happy that he hasn’t already fired you.” She turns to Jared then. “And you. I get that it was completely shitty, what Jensen did to you, but he’s really sorry. How long do you want to hold it against him?”

 

Jared is stunned, because nobody said anything regarding Jared giving Jensen the cold shoulder until now and he doesn’t know what to say. Maybe Alona is right and he’s acting like an ass, but everything else feels like admitting that he likes Jensen and Jared is not ready for that.

 

“Tell me one reason, why you would do something like this, Chad?” Alona asks with a stern face. She seems really mad at Chad. “You don’t think about anything, but having fun.” She nods in Jared’s direction. “You could hurt people with this shit. Damn it, Murray, you really need to grow up.” She walks back to her desk.

 

“Al…” When she doesn’t look up from the papers on her desk, Chad says softly, “Alona. I’m sorry, okay. Come on, Al, don’t be mad.”

 

She doesn’t say anything, but she looks up and points outside. Chad sighs, grabs Jared and pulls him out of the door. “Come on, man. We’re not welcome here anymore.” When they stand outside Chad shakes Jared’s hand. “I’m Chad, man. Nice to finally meet you.”

 

“Jared.” Jared would be surprised that Chad knows his name, but everybody seems already to know who he is. “Nice meeting you, too. But could you do me a favor?” Chad looks at him with raised eyebrows. “And not use me and my husband to embarrass Jensen in the future.”

 

Chad seems to contemplate that for a minute, before he grins, “Sure thing, Jaybird.”

 

Nobody ever called him Jaybird, but it seems fitting that someone like Chad would call him that, so he lets it slide. Besides, if he told Chad not to call him that anymore, the other man would probably call him that more than ever. So, Jared nods back to the station. “Is she really mad at you?”

 

Chad shrugs. “Alona? She’s always mad at me. It’ll fade.” He doesn’t seem comfortable talking about that and changes the topic. “How about something to eat? My treat?”

 

Jared is not really hungry. He never is in the last months. So, he shakes his head, “Nah, I’m not really hungry.”

 

“Coffee, then? You can drink it, while I eat.”

 

Jared was on his way to the paper, when he saw the posters, but he knows that Sam won’t mind when he comes in a little later. The kids are with Mike and Evan, so he doesn’t need to worry about coming home late. So, he says ‘yes’ and finds himself seated in a booth at Jim’s on the opposite site of Chad five minutes later.

 

Kelly, the young waitress and Jim’s niece, takes their order, just coffee for Jared and a cheeseburger, fries and a side salad for Chad.

 

Chad keeps watching him and Jared kind of wants to squirm beneath his intense gaze. He feels uncomfortable, as if Chad can look deep inside him and see his most private thoughts and feelings.

 

“I’m sorry, about the posters,” Chad starts their conversation. “I really didn’t think it might hurt you and I’m sorry if I did.”

 

Jared is a little surprised by Chad’s apology, but he accepts it nonetheless. “I know. You’re forgiven.”

 

Chad grins, before he says, “Y’know, Jenny is not so bad when you get to know him.”

 

Jared raises his eyebrows. “Yeah?” He asks hesitantly. Maybe Chad is right and Jensen isn’t so bad. Maybe the day at the store Jared didn’t meet the real Jensen. Maybe Jared needs to get over himself and give Jensen another chance.

 

Chad nods. “He’s a great friend. Always there when needed. Would do anything for the people he cares about. There is a reason why Jenny is the sheriff. And he makes a damn good job at it.”

 

Jared snorts. “Does everybody call him ‘Jenny’?”

 

Chad laughs. “God, no. The only people that really get away with it are Mike and Chris. I think it has something to do with growing up together. All others get threatened with their life, when they call him that.”

 

“But you call him ‘Jenny’, too.”

 

“Just to annoy him.” Chad laughs some more. “He so damn easy to rile up, y’know. It’s really fun. You just have to call him ‘Jenny’, or talk about his girly lips, or how pretty he is, and he’s about to explode.” Chad chuckles, before turning serious. “But y’know, he’s a really good guy. I like him and not just because he’s so easy to annoy.”

 

Jared smiles slightly. He likes Chad. He hasn’t known him for more than ten minutes, but he knows they could be good friends. The guy seems to have the heart at the right place, even though he acts like a douche most of the time. Their order comes and Chad digs in.

 

“You really not hungry?”

 

And Jared shakes his head. “Nah. Thanks, though.”

 

They sit in comfortable silence until Chad has finished his lunch.

 

“So, what happened?”

 

Jared frowns. “You know what happened. Jensen hit on me at the store.”

 

Chad shakes his head. “Not what I meant, dude. What happened to your husband? I don’t even know his name.”

 

Jared thinks about asking Chad to change the topic, but instead he says, “James. His name was James.” And then he finds himself spilling everything that happened to Chad. He tells him about James having pneumonia and that he was feeling better and went outside with the kids. He tells him about waking up to James coughing blood and driving him to the hospital. And when he finishes his eyes are dry and he feels a lot lighter.

 

He’s surprised that it was so easy to tell Chad what happened. He hasn’t really talked about James, since he died. Not to Sophia or Misha and certainly not to his new friends. But it definitely felt good like some of the weight he is carrying was taken of his shoulders.

 

“Man, that sucks.” Chad says passionately, but without pity in his voice. “So, what are you gonna do?”

 

Jared shrugs his shoulders. It’s the first time somebody asked him what he’s going to do, instead of just telling him what they think might be best. He knows his friends only mean well, but he appreciates Chad’s question, even though he’s completely surprised by it.

 

“The truth?” He asks and Chad nods. “I have no friggin’ idea. I mean, I took the children and ran. We got away from all these memories and such. Just the way people look at you or treat you, it made me uncomfortable. I mean I get death makes people nervous and stuff but it doesn’t make it any easier when people are just tiptoeing round you. But it’s still here, y’know.” He points at his head. “You can’t run from what’s inside you, I guess. Right now, I’m thinking I just have to start dealing with it.”

 

He stops and bites his lip nervously. He never told anybody else that he always thought of leaving Chicago as running away and that he only just realized that he can’t run, that he doesn’t want to run anymore. It’s hard to finally admit it out loud, but it, too, takes some of the weight he’s carrying of his shoulders. Jared doesn’t know what it is about Chad that makes him trust the other man with a revelation like this, but it feels good.

 

Chad nods, a small understand smile on his face. “Yeah, guess you’re right. And that’s what the Chad is for. You wanna watch the game on Saturday? Balls, booze and half naked cheerleaders, everything guys need.” Chad waggles his eyebrows and Jared laughs.

 

“I can’t. I have to watch the kids. Sophia and Misha are going out of town and it’s my duty to babysit.”

 

“Well,” Chad shrugs, “we can watch it at your place. Besides, you need to make a house warming party and that’s kinda the perfect opportunity for it.”

 

“Yeah?” Jared asks skeptically.

 

“Sure,” Chad nods enthusiastically. “Just let the Chad do his magic and it’s gonna be awesome. You just have to be there and be yourself, no other pressure involved.”

 

Jared is still not sure if he likes the idea of a party at his house right now. He just doesn’t feel like partying. “I don’t know…”

 

“Oh, come on, JT. You said you wanted to move on and coming to a new town without doing a house warming party is not moving on. Besides, I can get strippers.”

 

Jared chuckles. “Dude, you know I’m gay, right?”

 

Chad shrugs. “So, I can totally get male strippers.” He cocks his eyebrows and lowers his voice conspiratorial. “I know a guy who knows someone who has friends in low places. So, male strippers wouldn’t be a problem. And besides, Chris and Mike would totally appreciate male strippers, probably Tom and Steve as well, and Alona, Sophia and Danneel and every other woman in Dalton would probably be very happy to see them. And I’m not too adverse to them, either. I can appreciate hot men.”

 

Somehow, Chad listing all the people that would appreciate male strippers makes him think of James and Chace. Because James probably would have loved to have male strippers there and Chace, too. It makes Jared shiver, comparing James with Chace, because they so have nothing in common. Well, except for the appreciation of male strippers.

 

“Hey,” Chad looks oddly at him, “you alright? Just tell me if you don’t like male strippers.”

 

“What? No, it’s just… It reminded me of someone, who would probably appreciate them, too.”

 

“Chace, our resident manwhore, would so flip out if there would be male strippers. Come to think of it Chace would probably flip out over a cute guy in general, it’s not like he needs a stripper to make him horny.” Jared winces at that and Chad sends him a sympathetic look. “He hit on you, too.” It’s not a question, but Jared nods anyway. “Look, Jared, Chace… he… you have to tell him to piss off. He’s really hard to shake off and you need to make clear that he has no chance with you. And if he doesn’t back off, you should really tell Jensen. These two hate each other and I’m sure Jensen will help you when Chace is gonna be a hassle.”

 

“Why?” Jared asks curiously.

 

“Why Chace and Jensen hate each other?” Jared nods. “Like I said Chace fucks around a lot.” Chad replied, hedging the issue. Jared stared at him clearly knowing that there is more to the story. “Okay, so that’s not everything. There was a sort of incident, a few years back he hit on Jensen, when Jensen told him ‘no’ Chace got importunate and Jensen had to punch him to back off. Chace got the message but went on about how his daddy was going to make Jensen pay, blah, blah. I think in a way Chace is kinda afraid of Jensen. No idea why, though. Anyhow, the guys weren’t friends before so pretty much hate each other now,” Chad explains.

 

“Oh,” Jared responds stunned. He wouldn’t have expected Chace to be so persistent that Jensen needed to punch him to get him to back off.

 

 “Yeah.” Chace nods. “But to come back to our party. Stripppers or no strippers, that’s the question.”

 

“Dude,” Jared chuckles and holds up his hands, “there’s gonna be children.”

 

Chad seems to contemplate that for a second. “Damn, no strippers then. Maybe we could watch some porn after they went to bed. We could have the volume really low.”

 

Jared chuckles. “No porn, either. Or no party.”

 

“Okay, okay.” Chad seems seriously disappointed. “No porn. But a party.”

 

Jared sighs. “Okay, but only a small one. Just a few people. I don’t want the whole population of Dalton at my house.”

 

“Sure, dude. Everything you say.” Chad claps his hands, before looking at his watch. “Well, if we’re gonna have a party in three days I need to get going.” He scribbles something down at a napkin. “That’s my phone number. Give me yours, too.”

 

Jared writes his number on a napkin with an amused smile. He just hopes that Chad will not go too crazy about his party. Chad says good-bye with a promise to call about the party and Jared yawns. He hopes he won’t fall asleep during his party, because he’s so tired.

 

“You get any sleep last night?” Jared’s head snaps up to see Jim hovering over him with a concerned look on his face.

 

“Yeah, sure. Why?”

 

“You don’t look so good,” Jim replies. “You look like you could use something to eat, too. When have you eaten the last time? And I don’t speak about a toast or cereal, they don’t count. I mean a real meal with meat and veggies.”

 

“I fine, Jim. I cook every night,” Jared justifies quietly.

 

“That doesn’t answer my question, JT. I wanna know when you last ate and not when you last cooked.” Jared shrugs and Jim continues, “Let me make you a steak, JT. You seemed to like it the night we met.”

 

Just the thought of eating something right now makes Jared feel nauseous. “No, but thanks, Jim. I’ll eat when I get home. Right now I have a meeting with Sam.” He slaps the older man’s back. “See you later.”

 

Jim sighs, but let’s Jared go.

 

~

 

The paper’s office is empty when Jared gets there. The clock on the wall tells him that it is twelve thirty. Lunch time. The door to the office wasn’t locked, so Sam can’t be too far. She probably just went out to get something to eat. He sits down at the desk that has become his over the last week and starts his PC. He shuffles through a few papers with column ideas he and Sam talked about. They talked about Jared writing a weekly book recommendation and Jared looked at old and new books he wanted to recommend.

 

The door opens and Jared looks up from his work to see Chace coming in. He sighs inwardly, but gives the other man a polite nod before turning back to his papers. Chace drops his bag on the desk next to Jared’s and walks over leaning back against Jared’s desk. He’s brushes against Jared’s arm and Jared pushes his chair a little to the side to get away.

 

“Hey, gorgeous,” Chace whispers huskily and Jared wants to run. He hates when Chace calls him names like ‘gorgeous’ and ‘sugar’. Jared grabs his papers and hurries to stand up.

 

“Just tell Sam I’ll talk to her later.”

 

Jared rushes to the door, but Chace is faster than him and blocks the exit before Jared gets there.

 

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, JT. Why’re you in a hurry? Don’t you like being around me? I’m hurt.” Chace smiles slyly at him and shakes his head. “You’re such a tease, aren’t you? All shy and aloof. But I know you want it, JT. I know you want me. C’mon, JT. I’ll make it so good for you. I can see it in your eyes that you want me.”

 

“Just leave it, Chace. I don’t want it or you! I wanna be left alone! God what is it with you guys?! First Jensen, and now you. I really have gotta get back to the kids, just let it go.”

 

He tries to push Chace aside, but the other man grabs his shoulders and presses Jared back until he feels a hard surface at his back, pinning him effectively between Chace and the wall. Jared just wants to be let alone. Why doesn’t Chace get that?

 

“Jensen, huh? Interesting.” Chace sends him as sly smirk. “Didn’t know our ‘golden boy’ would hit on a guy with kids? Bet you liked it.”

 

Jared wants to draw aside, but Chace settles both of his hands next to Jared’s head, and his hips press against Jared’s. He feels the other man’s arousal against his hipbone and his stomach turns upside down. This is turning Chace on and Jared just wants to get away. But he’s trapped. He should push the other man away, should do something to make Chace back off. But he can’t. He’s so damn tired and his legs feel like jelly. Barely eating and sleeping for the better of six months has taken its toll on Jared.

 

“You little slut. You thought about letting Jensen fuck you, didn’t you?” Jared shakes his head weakly. Shit, he shouldn’t have told Chace. “I’m gonna give it to you so hard. Fuck Jensen and that dead husband of yours right out of your mind. You’ll feel me for days after it. Gonna be my whore, pet?”

 

Jared squirms under Chace’s gaze and tears are burning in his eyes at the hurtful words. Chace starts to caress Jared’s face with one of his hands. “I like it when you struggle, my little whore. Got, you’re so hot, you don’t even know it. And so damn desperate for it, too. Just be patient and I’ll let you suck my dick before I bend you over the desk and fuck that tight little hole of yours.” He runs his fingers over Jared’s cheek. “You’re so damn beautiful, JT. I’ve wanted you from the moment I first saw you and then you flirted with me the whole week.”

 

Just the thought makes Jared want to puke. “Just let me go. I don’t want this.” Jared answers weakly. He knows in his current condition he has no chance against the other man.

 

“You gonna beg me, JT? I like it when they beg. Beg me, JT.”

 

Chace lips seal over his and Jared tries to push him away, but the other man is stronger and Chace takes advantage of Jared’s current condition. Pushing his tongue into Jared’s mouth, his leg pushes Jared’s knees aside and then he is right between Jared’s legs, pressing his erection to Jared’s limp dick, as he reaches down to Jared’s pants and squeezes him hard.

 

He licks along Jared’s neck and Jared gags. “I’m gonna fuck your little hole so good, JT. You’ll never want anyone else but me again.”

 

Jared manages to turn his head away, his eyes closed. And he’s nauseous from the taste of coffee and cigarettes Chace tasted like. “No, stop it! Let me go, asshole. Stop it! Get off me Chace… get off! Get off, please!!” He pushes against Chace’s shoulders again and feels tears start to run down his cheeks. God, it’s humiliating.

 

“You can scream all you want. We’re alone and nobody can hear you, my little slut.” Jared’s heart sinks. Chace is right, and at the moment he won’t be able to hold Chace off. He swipes his fingers through the wetness on Jared’s cheeks. “Aww, my little whore, no need to be afraid,” he mocks. “Besides, I always get what I want, JT. Always!”

 

Chace smirks, as he yanks off Jared’s belt, making him jolt with force. He slides his hand up Jared’s thigh making him shudder, and begins to undo his pants. Reaching inside he squeezes Jared hard, making Jared yelp, and Jared just wishes he could be somewhere else. He still tries to get away pushing against Chace’s chest but he’s a lot stronger than Jared at the moment and has Jared still pinned against the wall.

 

Then, all of a sudden Jared feels how Chace is getting pulled off of him. He jerks his eyes open and sees Jensen standing there with a bright red face. He’s holding Chace against the opposite wall his hand is curled in the other man’s shirt and Chace’s nose is bleeding. Jared hadn’t realized that Jensen punched the other man.

 

“Asshole, you broke my nose,” Chace yells and pushes Jensen away.

 

“Yeah? Good. And I will break more of your bones, if you ever try this shit ever again. And don’t think threatening me with your daddy’s money will stop me, cause it won’t. You don’t do this shit to people, Crawford. They say ‘no’ and you back off, end of story. But you have no idea about that, do you? I haven’t forgotten those rumors about you in school, and don’t assume anyone else has, guys like you never change.”

 

“What? He wanted it,” Chace justifies and Jared asks himself, how the other man could have thought that he would wanted Chace. “He was flirting with me the whole last week and now he’s acts all shy. He deserves it. Besides, you hit on him as well. You’re not better than me.”

 

“Jensen didn’t try to rape me!” Jared yells. “He backed off when I told him ‘no’.” He looks at Jensen and sees that the older man is looking at him with surprise on his face. “I swear I didn’t flirt with him. I told him to back off but he didn’t.”

 

Jensen nods. “I know. I believe you.”

 

“He’s a frigid asshole!” Chace exclaims. “I know he wanted it.”

 

Jensen fist connects a second time with Chace’s face. Jared winces but doesn’t do anything to stop Jensen.

 

“Shut the hell up. His husband died, you prick!”

 

“Yeah, right,” Chace grins slyly. “That’s the point, he is dead and Jared will need someone to… fill the ache. Must be tough for him with no one who cares.”

 

Jared hearts aches when he hears the cold and indifference in Chace’s voice. The other man doesn’t care one bit that James died. Jensen, however, his voice is full of sympathy and care. Jared still can’t believe that it’s Jensen who came to his rescue. But he might have been wrong about the older man after all.

 

“How can you be so cold?” Jared asks baffled.

 

“You little scumbag.” Jensen’s voice is calm, but full of anger and disgust. He pushes Chace against the wall and curls his fingers around the other man’s throat. “If I hear that you’ve bothered Jared, or his kids in any way again, I will arrest your sorry little ass for harassment and you can spend the night in one of my cells, while I come up with reasons to keep you there longer – and I will. How do you think it’ll look you being arrested for sexual harassment, think people will wanna be near a guy who does that? And don’t think I won’t tell people what you’re like. Am I making myself clear, Crawford?”

 

Jared walks over and pulls his fingers away from Chace’s throat. “It’s okay, Jensen. That’s enough.” Jensen lets go but he still looks like he wants to kill Chace. It warms Jared’s heart that Jensen is so protective of him, even though they had a bad start.

 

“You don’t tell me what to do, Ackles,” Chace replies angrily. “I can fuck who I want and I would have fucked JT’s tight little hole good and proper. He’d love it. Besides you’re just jealous. You’d love to be in my place.”

 

“God,” Jared groans exasperatedly. “You really need a reality check. I don’t want you!”

 

Jensen’s face grows even darker as his eyes flash with fury and his fingers curl into a fist but he doesn’t punch Chace again and for that Jared is grateful. Jensen really shouldn’t dirty his hands on a scumbag like Chace.

 

“Listen to me and listen good, scumbag. Jared here is off limits to you – same with the kids. Permanently. You don’t talk to him, flirt with him, or hurt him. You ever so much as lay another finger on him, or look at him funny, I’ll kick your ass so hard you can’t sit for a week, and I’ll just be first in line of a very long queue,” Jensen threatens. “People like Jared, Chace. Much more than they like you. Trust me you hurt Jared, me and Chad will find some very interesting stuff about what you did in high school. You think anyone is gonna want to be near someone who sexually assaults someone? I’m sure Chad will even put up a lot of nice posters telling people about what you did. You stay away from Jared! Got it?”

 

“There was never any proof,” Chace hisses. “You have nothing, Ackles. Nothing.” He sends Jared a sly look, causing a shiver to run down Jared’s spine.

 

“Piss off now.” Jensen grabs Chace’s shirt and pushes him towards the door. “I’m sick of your ugly face.” Chace growls and pushes Jensen to the side. He sends a last angry look at Jared who knows this isn’t the end of it. But for now Chace walks away.

 

Jared is stunned at what Jensen just did for him. He never would have thought that Jensen would punch someone for him. His heart swells and he kind of wants to hug Jensen. Suddenly all strength and fight is drained out of him and he stumbles forward.

 

“Jared? Are you okay?” Jensen looks at Jared with worried eyes. “I’m so sorry, Jared. Chace is an asshole but I didn’t expect him to go this far.”

 

Jared wants to tell him that ‘yeah, he’s fine’, but when he opens his mouth nothing comes out. His legs are still feeling like jelly, and when he takes a step forward he buckles. Jensen catches him with his arms and guides him to a chair.

 

“Come on, sit down. You don’t look so good.”

 

“Jensen?” It’s the only thing Jared gets out before everything goes black.

 

 

Chapter Six

 

Jensen wants to apologize to Jared for Chad’s stupid posters. He didn’t make them, but he still feels it is somehow his fault, because he hit on Jared, and that’s what these posters are about. This time Chad really pissed Jensen off, and they will have to have a serious talk about that, even though Jensen is sure that it probably won’t do anything good. Well, at least the posters made Jared laugh!

 

So, Jensen makes his way over to the paper hoping that Jared might be there. When he gets to the second floor he hears Jared’s voice, tearful and panicked sounding, as it rose in volume.

 

“No, stop it! Let me go, asshole. Stop it! Get off me Chace… get off! Get off, please!!”

 

His heartbeat speeds up and rushes into the office. The sight greeting him makes his blood boil in his veins, and he freezes.

 

Chace has Jared trapped against the wall, and even though Jared is a few inches taller than Chace he doesn’t seem to be able to push the other man off. It surprises Jensen, but then he takes in how thin Jared looks, and the large dark circles surrounding his eyes. No wonder the younger man isn’t able to fight Chace off looking so damn worn. Jared’s face is turned aside to avoid Chace’s mouth and is distorted in disgust. His eyes are closed, but Jensen doesn’t need to see Jared’s beautiful hazel-gold eyes to know that he doesn’t want what’s happening right now.

 

“You can scream all you want. We’re alone and nobody can hear you, my little slut.” Jensen can see that Jared is crying. “Aww, my little whore, no need to be afraid,” Chace mocks. “Besides, I’ll always get what I want, JT. Always!”

 

Chace’s threatening voice sounding so arrogant, makes it over to Jensen’s ears. He sees how Chace yanks off Jared’s belt, making him jolt with force, and slides his hand up Jared’s thigh, making him shudder. He reaches into Jared’s pants and Jared lets out a yelp. This suddenly seems to bring Jensen back to reality, and he realizes what is happening, what Chace is doing.

 

Jensen can’t help the furious snarl that escapes from his throat, but neither of them seem to see, or hear him, until he rushes over there pulling Chace of the younger man. His fingers curl into a fist and he slams it into Chace’s nose, leaving it bloody. Jensen barely feels the sting in his hand but relishes the crunch of breaking bones in Crawford’s nose, damaging the oh-so-pretty face.

 

Jensen turns and looks at Jared. The other man is pale, and still trembling.

 

“You okay, Jared?”

 

Jared doesn’t answer and Jensen isn’t even sure if Jared heard him. He looks as if he’s in shock.

 

Jensen is furious. His blood is still boiling in his veins. He can’t believe that Chace would do something like this, would try to rape Jared. He and Chace never had gotten along well. Most of the town’s people don’t really like Chace, but until now they had tolerated him. Sam had hired him, because she is friends with Chace’s mother, and both women thought it might better for him to work a steady job, rather than to hang around town all day. Chace’s dad owns a large store chain and has his office in Dallas. He isn’t in Dalton often.

 

In high school Chace had started to jump on everything that moved, earning him the title of their local ‘manwhore’ as Mike and Chris had named him. The same could be said about Jensen, though, and Jensen never gave a shit if Chace fucked a lot of people or not. His dad’s never-ending supply of money had helped to convince some people that Chace was a good catch, especially when they were duped by his good looks.

 

When Chace had come onto Jensen, he tried to persuade Jensen with his dad’s money and hollow promises of expensive gifts. Jensen had turned him down. It wasn’t just that Chace fucked everything on two legs. It was also a fact that he was an arrogant asshole, using to his dad’s money to buy status and power. If Chace want something, or someone, he just put down some dollar bills. It didn’t work with Jensen, though.

 

However, Chace hadn’t taken ‘no’ for answer. He kept hitting on Jensen, always touching and groping him, until Jensen had to punch him to wipe the narcissistic smirk of his face, and make it clear that there would never be more than disgust between them. Their animosity had only gotten worse over the years.

 

“Asshole, you broke my nose,” Chace yells and pushes Jensen away.

 

“Yeah? Good,” Jensen replies furiously. “And I will break more of your bones, if you ever try this shit ever again. And don’t think threatening me with your daddy’s money will stop me, cause it won’t. You don’t do this shit to people, Crawford. They say ‘no’ and you back off, end of story. But you have no idea about that, do you? I haven’t forgotten those rumors about you in school, and don’t assume anyone else has, guys like you never change.”

 

“What? He wanted it,” Chace justifies and Jensen wants to punch him again for his arrogance. “He was flirting with me the whole last week and now he acts all shy. He deserves it. Besides, you hit on him as well. You’re no better than me.”

 

It makes his stomach turn upside down that Chace compares them and when he thinks about what happened at the store with Jared. Somehow, he sunk to the same level Chace, and it makes him nauseous. He feels better after he punches Chace a second time.

 

“Jensen didn’t try to rape me!” Jared yells. “He backed off when I told him ‘no’.” Jensen’s heart jumps in his chest when he hears Jared defending him. Jared turns and looks at Jensen with pleading eyes. “I swear I didn’t flirt with him. I told him to back off but he didn’t.”

 

Jensen nods. “I know. I believe you.”

 

“He’s a frigid asshole!” Chace exclaims. “I know he wanted it.”

 

Jensen’s anger results in another punch to Chace’s face. He shakes his hand because this time it does sting.

 

“Shut the hell up. His husband died, you prick,” he hisses.

 

“Yeah, right,” Chace grins slyly. “That’s the point, he’s dead and Jared will need someone to… fill the ache. Must be tough for him with no one who cares.”

 

The anger at the way Chace is dismissing Jared’s husband death as if it’s nothing is burning fiercely in the pit of his stomach.

 

“How can you be so cold?” Jared asks baffled. His eyes are full of hurt and pain.

 

“You little scumbag.” Jensen’s voice is calm, but full of anger and disgust. He pushes Chace against the wall and curls his fingers around the other man’s throat. “If I hear that you’ve bothered Jared or his kids in any way again, I will arrest your sorry little ass for harassment and you can spend the night in one of my cells, while I come up with reasons to keep you there longer – and I will. How do you think it’ll look you being arrested for sexual harassment, think people will wanna be near a guy who does that? And don’t think I won’t tell people what you’re like. Am I making myself clear, Crawford?”

 

Suddenly Jared’s hands grasp Jensen’s wrists and pry them away from Chace’s throat. “It’s okay, Jensen. That’s enough.” Jensen lets go but he still wants to kill Chace and he only stops because Jared told him to.

 

“You don’t tell me what to do, Ackles,” Chace replies angrily. “I can fuck who I want and I would have fucked JT’s tight little hole good and proper. He’d love it. Besides you’re just jealous. You’d love to be in my place.”

 

“God,” Jared groans exasperatedly. “You really need a reality check. I don’t want you!”

 

Jensen’s face grows even darker as his eyes flash with fury and his fingers curl into a fist. He really wants to punch Chace again, but somehow Jared’s presence and the way he asked Jensen to stop earlier keeps him from doing it.

 

“Listen to me and listen good, scumbag. Jared here is off limits to you – same with the kids. Permanently. You don’t talk to him, flirt with him, or hurt him. You ever so much as lay another finger on him, or look at him funny, I’ll kick your ass so hard you can’t sit for a week, and I’ll just be first in the line of a very long queue,” Jensen threatens. “People like Jared, Chace. Much more than they like you. Trust me you hurt Jared, me and Chad will find some very interesting stuff about what you did in high school. You think anyone is gonna want to be near someone who sexually assaults someone? I’m sure Chad will even put up a lot of nice posters telling people about what you did. You stay away from Jared! Got it?”

 

“There was never any proof,” Chace hisses. “You have nothing, Ackles. Nothing.”

 

“Piss off now.” Jensen grabs Chace’s shirt and pushes him towards the door. He will make sure he finds something. “I’m sick of your ugly face.” Chace growls pushing Jensen to the side and sends a last angry look at Jared.

 

After Chace actually leaves, - Jensen thought he would put up more of a fight, but he’s also sure that this won’t be the last time Chace will try something with Jared. Well, Jensen just has to keep his eyes on Jared. He turns around to Jared and sees the other man struggling to keep upright.

 

“Jared? Are you okay?” Jensen looks at Jared with worried eyes. “I’m so sorry, Jared. Chace is an asshole but I didn’t expect him to go this far.”

 

Instead of an answer Jared stumbles downright into Jensen’s arms. Jensen catches the other man in his arms and thinks that he should be heavier considering how tall he is. He helps Jared to sit down on a chair and feels his forehead. It’s clammy and cold. This can’t be good.

 

“Jensen?” Jared’s voice is nothing more than a weak whisper. And then his eyes roll back into his skull and he goes limp. Oh, shit.

 

Jensen has trouble keeping him on the chair, so he lets Jared slowly sink to the floor. He feels like he should freak out, no one ever collapsed in his presence, but being first a cop and now the sheriff had taught him that freaking out never does any good. So, he stays calm, and focused on Jared. He feels his pulse. It’s strong and steady. That’s good. Here he is holding Jared in his arms, something he fantasized about for the last week, but this is definitely not how Jensen had imagined it would be.

 

He checks for injuries but there doesn’t appear to be any and Jensen sighs relieved. The last thing he wants is for Jared to bear bruises or cuts because of Chace’s assaults. He buttons Jared’s pants and closes his belt again.

 

His eyes look up and down Jared’s body and Jensen notices that he looks terrible. The younger man has dark circles surrounding his eyes and even though his skin is tanned it looks grey. In addition to that Jared’s clothes only hang off of him; they don’t seem to really fit the younger man. Jensen wonders how long Jared hasn’t been taking care of himself, and why nobody said anything. Somebody must have noticed. Hell, Jensen should have noticed.

 

The door to the office opens and Sam walks inside. She stops when she sees Jensen kneeling on the floor next to an unconscious Jared. Her face falls and she rushes over to them.

 

“What the hell happened?”

 

Jensen asks her to get him a glass of water, when she comes back from the kitchen he tells her about Chace pinning Jared to the wall and molesting him, and then Jared collapsing into his arms.

 

“The bastard tried to rape Jared,” Jensen says, his voice still full of anger and disgust. “Chace wanted Jared even though he kept saying ‘no’. Jared hasn’t been taking care of himself so he didn’t have the energy to fight Chace off. I should’ve known he’d do something like this!”

 

Sam’s eyes widen with shock, but she’s also furious. “That little scumbag. I’m gonna kill him,” she curses angrily. “I think I’ll have a long talk with his mother. Let’s see how that works for him.” The whole town knows that Cynthia Crawford is the only one Chace is afraid of. She froze his credit card before.

 

Sam runs her fingers gently through Jared’s damp hair. “Shit. I should have said something to him. He looked always so tired whenever he was in. I just thought it was the move, and the stress.”

 

Jensen feeds small sips of water to Jared. “Yeah, well none of us said anything. Maybe we should call Kripke so that he can check him over?”

 

“No hospital.” Jared’s voice is raw and raspy.

 

Jensen looks down and sees that Jared’s eyes are open and focused. “Hey, welcome back. You scared the hell out of us.” He takes a relieved breath. “And I really think the hospital would be good, Jared. Kripke is a nice man, he can check you over.”

 

“No please. No hospital.” The desperation in Jared’s voice is clear; Jensen guesses that it has something to do with what happened to Jared’s husband. It occurs to him that when James’s died it was probably the last time Jared had been in one, and represses a shudder.

 

“You feeling better?” Jensen asks concerned.

 

Jared nods and tries to sit up. He wavers a little when he sits up too fast and Jensen keeps a strong hold on his biceps. “Hey, hey. Careful, now. Don’t want you to topple over again.”

 

“It’s okay,” Jared says taking the water Jensen’s handing him, with a grateful smile. “Thank you. You saved me.” His eyes fill with tears. “I just couldn’t push him off. I was too weak. If I had been stronger… if I…”

 

“JT, no.” Sam shakes her head and grabs his shoulders. “It’s not your fault,” she says softly.

 

Jared wipes his tears away and nods. “I know. It’s just… if I had been stronger…” he breaks off teary. His hands are trembling and Jensen wants to take them between his to reassure Jared that he’s safe now. He doesn’t, though because he’s not sure how Jared would react to that.

 

Instead Jensen asks seriously, “When’s the last time you ate something?” Jared shrugs and looks at his feet. For Jensen it’s like he just said he doesn’t remember. “Jared you need to eat. You can’t keep going like this. It will kill you. What about the kids? Don’t you think it’s enough that they already lost one father.” He knows it’s a low blow, especially from him. But if he wants Jared to see sense here, he needs to hit him hard.

 

Jared’s head snaps up and Jensen can see tears in his eyes. It breaks his heart and he feels like the biggest asshole, but then Jared nods and says, “You’re right. It’s just…” his voice breaks at the end, but Jensen hears the implied ‘hard’ loud and clear.

 

“I know,” he whispers and grabs Jared at his armpits, helping the younger man to stand up. Jared’s still a little unsteady on his feet and Jensen throws Jared’s arm around his shoulder. Sam’s standing a little aside and Jensen almost forgot she was here. “Come on, I’ll take you home, Sasquatch.”

 

“JT,” Sam says with a soft voice, “I’m really sorry about what happened. And I’ll make sure that Chace won’t bother you again. But promise me you’ll only come back when you are feeling better.”

 

“Sam, I’m fine.” Jensen shakes his head, because Jared’s skin is still grey and the dark circles around his eyes are even more visible. Besides he’s got one arm around Jensen’s shoulder to help him keep upright. Sure, Jared’s looks terrific.

 

She looks at him with a ‘don’t bullshit me’ face. “Yeah, sure that’s why you collapsed in my office today. You’d have collapsed without Chace hurting you. You need some rest JT, and proper food. Really, take some time off. Your job will be waiting for you when you are feeling better.”

 

Jared nods. “Yeah, okay. Thanks.”

 

“Don’t worry and now get out of here. Take care of our boy, Jensen, will you.”

 

Both, Jared’s and Jensen’s head snap around to face Sam, but she just smiles innocently at them. Jared blushes and Jensen thinks it’s the most adorable thing he’s seen in a long time.

 

He nods at Sam. “Yeah, sure. See you later, Sam.” He sure as hell will make sure that Jared takes care of himself better, even if he has to show up on his doorstep every day. Jensen doesn’t care if Jared would take offence. He’s the sheriff; he takes care of the people in his town. “And call me if you have trouble with Chace. I’d love to bust the little motherfucker’s ass.”

 

He helps Jared down the stairs. “You should think about pressing charges against Chace.”

 

Jared shakes his head. “No, I don’t really want the kids to hear that their dad was victim of sexual harassment.”

 

Jensen nods understandingly. “I can understand that but just think about it, okay? We can keep it a secret.” Jared looks at his feet avoiding Jensen’s gaze and Jensen thinks that maybe the kids aren’t the only reason for Jared not wanting to press charges. A lot of sexual harassment victims are too ashamed, or think no one will believe them. He lets it go for now and they make their way to Jensen’s truck in silence.

 

~

 

After Jensen gets Jared into the passenger seat of his truck, he drives them to Jared’s house. It only takes them a few minutes and they share it in silence. When Jensen stops the car in front of Jared’s door, the younger man stumbles out of the car and Jensen rushes around to catch him.

 

“Let me help you.”

 

Jared hesitates, and Jensen is sure he’s going to protest. But the younger man surprises him by nodding and laying his arm around Jensen’s shoulder again. By a miracle they make it inside without Mike seeing them. Tom is at work, but Mike should be home. Jensen is glad that he’ll get some time with Jared alone.

 

He helps Jared over to the couch, and Jared sinks down into the cushions. The younger man looks small and vulnerable. His skin is still pale and Jensen thinks about what could have happened if he hadn’t interrupted Chace, and pulled him off Jared. He wants to punch the other man some more.

 

“I’ll make you some coffee, okay? Or do you rather have soda? And then I’ll order some pizza. What do you like?” He really doesn’t want to leave Jared alone right now.

 

“Jensen,” Jared looks up with tired eyes, “you don’t have to do that, really. I’m gonna be okay.”

 

Jensen snorts. “Sure. And the next time you collapse I can pull your car out of a ditch. No, thank you. I’ll stay.”

 

Jared winces at the harsh words and Jensen feels bad. But somehow he knows that Jared needs to hear it right now. The younger man nods without further resistance. “Coffee, then. Milk, two sugars. And pepperoni and sausage pizza.”

 

Jensen is surprised that Jared gives in so soon, but he’s glad nonetheless. Maybe him being an ass and using Jared’s dead husband against him had some impact.

 

“Look, Jared,” he sighs softly. “I know that was mean but I really think you need to hear what the consequences can be if you keep going like this.”

 

Jared nods and bites his bottom lip. “It’s okay. I think I really need to hear it too.”

 

Jensen gives him a small smile before he walks into the kitchen. He calls his favorite pizza place to order them pizza, and makes them both some coffee.

 

Leaning against the kitchen counter he waits for the coffee to be ready. Before his eyes the scene he walked in on plays on repeat and he thinks about what would have happened if he hadn’t come to talk to Jared. Would Chace have really gone through with his threats? Would he really have raped Jared? Jensen hopes not.

 

Jensen remembers something about sexual harassment when Chace was a teenager, though. He’ll have a look into Chace’s files, when he gets back to the office. He really wants to know what that had been about, or if it had just been a rumor going around school grounds. Nonetheless, he’ll keep a close eye on Jared and he will ask his friends to do so, too. He probably won’t tell them what happened, not if Jared doesn’t want him to, and right now Jensen can’t imagine Jared wanting to tell anyone about what happened today.

 

When he walks back into the living room ten minutes later Jared’s eyes are closed but he jerks them open when he hears Jensen come in. Jared gives him a small, grateful smile, and Jensen’s heart jumps a little in his chest.

 

He hands Jared his coffee. “Here, and the pizza is on its way.”

 

“Thanks.” Jared takes the mug and blows on the coffee to cool it. His hands are trembling and Jensen is sure that what just happened has really thrown the younger man.

 

An awkward silence settles between them and Jensen doesn’t know how to break it. He sits down in one of the armchairs curling his hand around his mug. Looking around he sees a lot of pictures of Jared and the kids and a dark haired guy, who Jensen thinks is Jared’s dead husband. They seem really happy and for a moment Jensen wishes that there were photos of him showing him so happy with somebody.

 

“Why did you do it?” Jared’s voice cuts through the silence and Jensen jerks out of his thoughts.

 

He looks at Jared a little baffled. “You were in trouble. And Chace is an asshole. Everyone knows that,” he explains as if it was obvious.

 

“You punched him.” Jensen shrugs uncomfortable and waits for Jared to rip him a new one. But Jared surprises him again. “No one ever hit someone for me. Well, no one ever needed to.” Jared sounds stunned.

 

Jensen smiles slightly. “You’re welcome.”

 

“I mean you didn’t have to do that. I slammed a door in your face.”

 

Jensen gets serious again. “And you had every right to do that. I was such an ass to you and I deserved everything you did.”

 

“What I’m trying to say is ‘Thank you’. So, thank you for helping me.” Jared looks genuinely grateful and there is even a small smile tugging at the edges of his mouth.

 

“You’re welcome, Jay.” Jensen bites his lips as soon as the nickname is out, but the smile on Jared’s face grows a little bigger. “Nobody ever called me ‘Jay’ before. Only ever ‘JT’.”

 

“You don’t like it?” Jensen asks quickly and a little embarrassed.

 

“No, I do. I really do.” Jared is smiling openly now.

 

Jensen’s heartbeat speeds up when he sees Jared’s dimples. He smiles back happily. “What does the ‘T’ stand for in ‘JT’ anyway?” Jensen asks curiously.

 

“Tristan,” Jared cringes.

 

“You don’t like ‘Tristan’?”

 

Jared shakes his head. “No. My parents always call me Jared Tristan. So, no, I don’t like ‘Tristan’. But that’s why everybody calls me ‘JT’. Sophia, we’ve been friends since kindergarten, she thought ‘Jared Tristan’ was completely uncool and she invented ‘JT’. It kinda stuck.” He chuckles quietly at the memory.

 

“So, you’d like for me to call you ‘JT’? Besides, my middle name is ‘Ross’, so I think you got away with the better deal. I think ‘Tristan’ is a beautiful name.”

 

Jared blushes slightly and laughs. “’Ross’? Really? Jensen Ross Ackles? Oh man, do your parents hate you?”

 

Jensen scowls in fake annoyance. “Glad that my name amuses you, Jared Tristan.”

 

Jared stops laughing. “Sorry. But please don’t call me ‘Jared Tristan’ again. It reminds me of my parents.”

 

“So what should I call you? Jay or JT or maybe Jaybird or Jaybear?”

 

Jared grins. “‘Jay’ is fine with me.”

 

“I think I’ll call you Jaybear. It’s kinda cute, just like you.” Jared’s blushes, and lowers his eyes.

 

Jensen grins; the playful banter warms his heart. It shows him that there really is a connection between him and Jared.

 

“So,” Jared contemplates, “what should I call you, then? JR, Jen or maybe Jenny?” A glint in his eyes tells Jensen that he’s being teased.

 

“You call me ‘Jenny’ and I may have to kill you, sorry but that’s in the rule book,” Jensen says, even though he’s sure he wouldn’t mind one bit if Jared ever called him ‘Jenny’. “But ‘Jen’ is fine with me. I can assure you that nobody ever called me ‘JR’.”

 

“Jen it is, then.”

 

Jensen knows he needs to get out what’s on his mind now or he’ll never get the chance again. He stands up and walks over to the couch sitting down next to Jared.

 

“I really want to apologize for what I did to you at the supermarket and the day after. I don’t normally swear like that, I promise,” Jensen explains quietly. “I also want to apologize for the posters Chad put up, even though they were more about embarrassing me, than hurting you. I never wanted Chad to embarrass or hurt you, I swear. But I also want you to know that as much of an ass as I was that day at the store, I really like you and I’d really like to go out with you.”

 

When Jared opens his mouth to say something, Jensen stops him with a gesture. “Please, let me finish.” Jared nods hesitantly. “I know that you still love your husband and are not ready to start dating again, and that’s absolutely fine with me, you need time to grieve. However, I want you to know that I can wait, and give you the time you need until you’re ready. I’d really like to be your friend, though.”

 

Jensen hopes that he hasn’t destroyed everything that has ust started between them. He doesn’t know if Jared is even slightly interested in him. But he really needed to get that out there. He needed Jared to know. If he only wants them to be friends, then Jensen will accept that.

 

Jared bites his lip nervously, before he says, “I think… I think I got the wrong impression of you earlier, and I think you may be the nice guy your friends are talking about. We just got off on completely the wrong foot. I was pissed at you, yes, but I also don’t like holding grudges. You made a mistake and we can just move on from it, I want us to be okay with each other. It’s just that dating right now is very far down on my list of priorities. I do like you, too, but I really have to think about the kids first. But I’d like for us to be friends.”

 

Jensen nods and a smile forms on his face. This makes him really happy. “That’s good to hear. And I know, the kids are your priority, and that’s why I wanna make sure that you take better care of yourself from now on. Because like I said you need to be able to be there for your children… and… well you deserve to take care of yourself, just for you too. You matter too Jay, don’t forget that.”

 

Jared’s answer is stopped by the door bell and Jensen is kind of glad. He has said everything he wanted to say and he hopes that Jared will change his mind some day about the dating thing. Jensen gets up and pays the pizza guy and then he and Jared share the pizza in comfortable silence, even though Jensen keeps one eye the whole time on Jared, and makes sure that he at least eats half of the pizza.

 

*~**~*

 

Jared nibbles on his pizza, watching Jensen out of the corner of his eye. Jensen seems to really enjoy the pizza and comments on the taste with little ‘mmmh’s’. Jared wishes he could enjoy his pizza this much. It’s not bad, it just taste like nothing, just like everything else he has eaten in the last months.

 

But Jensen is right. He has to start taking care of himself. Today showed him that. If he had been eating and sleeping, he would have been able to fight against Chace, and not just lean against the wall and hope that everything that happened was just a bad joke or a nightmare.

 

Chace really scared him back at the office. He would never have thought that the guy would go this far and he doesn’t want to think about what could have happened if Jensen hadn’t found him. He will be forever grateful for what Jensen did today. Hopefully, Jared will have never to work with Chace again, because he’s sure he could stand to be in the same room with him. The thought scares the hell out of him.

 

Jensen, however, really is the nice guy his friends told Jared about, and the way he admitted earlier that he really likes Jared, but will give him all the time Jared needs to be ready, made Jared’s heart swell. He can’t really believe that he’s thinking about dating Jensen. Just last week he was sure that he would never be ready to date someone again. But, somehow, Jensen cut through Jared’s defenses and the connection they have is undeniable.

 

Jared just hopes that, if he is ready to put his heart out there again, the kids will be alright with it. He knows that Luke and Sophie-Ellie really like Jensen, as the sheriff, and the coach. The thing is he has no idea how his kids would react, if Jared introduces Jensen as his boyfriend. Well, he’ll deal with that if he ever decides to go out with Jensen.

 

“So,” Jensen leans back against the couch, after they finished the pizza. Jared snaps out of his thoughts and looks at him with raised eyebrows, “since you seem to attract the assholes in this town, like moths to the light. I think I should tell you a little about our town’s people. So, y’know, you can avoid the really bad people.”

 

Jared grins. “Does this ‘guide’ include you?”

 

“Sure. I’m the worst of all.” Jensen tries to stay serious, but soon he’s grinning hard at Jared. “Y’know, with me hitting on grieving men and such.”

 

“Okay,” Jared chuckles, “hit me, sheriff.”

 

Jensen starts talking about how he, Chris and Mike grew up together and are best friends, have been ever since pre-school. He tells Jared about Tom and Steve, and how they met Mike and Chris. It happened both times in college and when they came back to Dalton, they were both pretty much married. He tells Jared that he is Evan’s godfather, and Chris and Steve are Maddie’s and Lizzy’s.

 

He talks about Jim and Sam, and that they’re great people with big hearts. They’re loyal and helpful, and they would do anything for the people they care about. Just like Gabriel and Katherine, andd half of the other people in Dalton. He even admits that Chad isn’t so bad, but that he also needs someone to show him that there are lines he shouldn’t cross. He goes on about Alona being a nice girl, and the best secretary ever.

 

“Y’know she came to your defense this morning. Told me to give you a break and that you’re really sorry,” Jared tells Jensen with amusement.

 

Jensen laughs. “That’s my girl. I don’t know what I would do without her.”

 

He continues to talk about his animosity with Chace and explains that Chace tried to hit on him once when they were in their early twenties, and he wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, until Jensen punched him in the face. Jensen honestly had thought that this encounter had knocked some sense into Chace, but it looks like he had been wrong.

 

“I still think you should report the assault, Jay,” Jensen says. “I really hope that I’ve scared Chace away, but a restraining order or charges regarding sexual assault might help some more.”

 

Jared shakes his head. It scares him to think that he might have to testify, and talk about what Chace did. The kids would hear about it, and Jared wants to avoid that. They don’t need to know that their dad had been a victim of sexual assault.

 

“Thank you for what you did, Jen. Really. I’ll be grateful forever,” Jared sends Jensen a small smile. “But please understand that I don’t want to press charges.”

 

Jensen nods. “Okay, but I want you to tell me if Chace comes on to you again. Promise me you will tell me, so I can kick Chace ass again.”

 

Jared chuckles before turning serious again. “I will. I promise.”

 

Jensen resumes with telling Jared about being careful with Danneel, she might seem nice now, but she’s unpredictable and very flighty. She’s best friends with someone one minute, and ready to claw their eyes out the next if they dare criticize her. They dated for a few weeks several years back, but she’s still trying to get Jensen to go out with her. She doesn’t know when enough is enough.

 

Jared finds himself listening to Jensen’s deep and steady voice and what he says becomes unimportant unless he keeps talking. He enjoys Jensen telling him all these things, but mostly he just enjoys that Jensen’s talking to him.

 

“Well, and then there is Genevieve,” Jensen says, his voice full of dislike. Jared’s head lies on the back of the couch and he raises it a little to give Jensen a questioning look. “You haven’t met her?”

 

“Not that I remember.” Jared shakes his head.

 

“Well, you will eventually. She’s a teacher at the local elementary school. And she’s… I don’t like to call women names but just keep your distance from her, OK? I’m not trying to cause trouble, but you really need to watch yourself around her. Nobody in town… well, she’s got a bit of a reputation, for being kinda, well, snotty and arrogant. I normally don’t like gossip but sometimes it’s true. She moved here three or four years back and ever since we can’t get rid of her. Please be careful around her. She’s only nice as long as you can be good for her. I think Luke and Sophie-Ellie will have her as a teacher. Annie will probably go to junior high, right?”

 

Jared nods. “Yeah. She’s eleven.”

 

“Right,” Jensen nods, “Jim mentioned something like that.”

 

“You talked to Jim about me and my kids?” Jared asks curious.

 

Jensen grins sheepishly. “Yeah, well, it was the day after our ‘encounter’ at the store. I was having breakfast at Jim’s and you and the kids walked by. That was also the moment I had the fabulous idea of bringing you pie and flowers.”

 

“Oh,” Jared grins sheepishly. He feels kind of bad about not believing Jensen’s apology at first. “The pie was good, though.”

 

“You tried it?” Jensen asks hopeful.

 

“I have to admit that I wanted to put it in the trash, just like I did with the flowers, but Luke and Dan saw and saved it. There’s no way they’d have let me throw pie away!”

 

Jensen sighs relieved; at least Jared kept the pie. “Wow, good thing. I’m glad you liked it. My mom always says that pie could make peace between countries. But I know that mine is not as good as hers.”

 

“That was your mother’s recipe? Dude, you have to give it to me some time.”

 

“How about you and the kids accompany me on a visit some time and you ask her yourself. I’m sure she and JD, her husband, would love to meet you. They have a ranch about half an hour out. The kids would probably love it out there.”

 

Jared is sure they would love it out there, especially if they have horses. He probably would have a problem getting Annie away from the ranch ever again. There is just one thing. “Your mom’s husband? What about your dad?”

 

Something Jared can’t interpret flashes for a second through Jensen’s eyes, but then it’s gone. “He died when I was twelve. Fell off a horse and broke his neck.”

 

“Oh shit. I’m sorry, Jensen. I wasn’t thinking. I…”

 

Jensen gives Jared a smile. “No, it’s okay. Really, Jay. I came to terms with his death a long time ago.” He takes a deep breath and continues, “What about your parents? The way you talked about them earlier it doesn’t seem you’re close.”

 

Jared shakes his head. “Yeah you could say that. I’m not really the son they wished for, y’know. I’m not into oil and the family business, and I had never the intention of taking my place in the company. Padalecki Oil, you know it?”

 

“Yeah sure. I should have made the connection right away. That’s a pretty big company your parents have. Third largest oil company in the States, right?” Jensen asks curious.

 

“Second,” Jared corrects, but his voice is full of loathing.

 

“So, oil is not your thing? And your parents don’t approve?” Jensen continues to ask.

 

“Definitely not. They threw a fit when I told them that I was going to Chicago for college, to study journalism and Russian lit. You should have seen them when I told them about James.” Jared snorts annoyed. “They though he wasn’t ‘good enough’ for a Padalecki, just because James was middle-class, and his parents are normal people with regular day jobs. My parents didn’t think he was ‘suitable’ for me, tried to set me up with… ‘worthy’ guys more than once, at their stupid parties. I lost track of the number they threw when I was a teenager, and every time my mother would try to set me up with some slick business guy with a massive trust fund who didn’t know the meaning of work, and James…well James hated those type of people, so you can guess how he got on with my parents.”

 

Jared takes a deep breath and continues, “When I got pregnant with Annie and married James, we were really young and didn’t exactly plan to do it so early. We were going to marry anyway, but it happened a little sooner than we expected. They kind of disowned me. Well, not totally, but they were really angry, we didn’t speak for years,” Jared huffs. “Just like my older brother Jeff. He’s a lot like my dad. The only thing he cares about is money and power. He didn’t even come to James’ funeral.”

 

“What?” Jensen asks baffled. “Your own brother didn’t come to your husband’s funeral. Wow, that’s hard.”

 

Jared shrugs. “It’s not that we were close, or that I expected him to come. Even as kids we never got on well. We were too different. Jeff always begged my father to take him to the company so he could learn how to make a lot of money. And me? Well, I buried myself in books, and wrote for the school paper.” He sighs, “So, I didn’t talk to my parents and Jeff for a really long time. I can’t really remember why we started talking again. But we did and know we talk on the phone every now and again. They will probably come here some time to visit the kids,” he says indifferently, before a small smile appears on his face. “Megan, my little sis, is the only one of my family I’m really close with. She’s an actress in New York on Broadway. She’s really good.” Jared raises his eyebrows. “What about you, got any siblings?”

 

Jensen nods. “Yeah. Mackenzie, my little sis, she’s an architect living in LA, with her husband Pete and their kids Lauren, she’s four, and Sarah Marie, she’s two months. And Josh, my big brother, is a doctor over in Phoenix. He’s married to Claire, with two boys, Ryan is nine, and Randy is six. We’re all pretty close even though we don’t see each other all that often. We keep up by phone and email.”

 

Sometimes Jared wishes he had a close relationship with his family too, not just with Megan. But that’s what he’s got Angie and Matthew for. He smiles.

 

“Sounds awesome,” he says. “I’m really close with my in-laws, though. They live in Chicago but we talk on the phone practically every day. They’re my family.”

 

Jensen smiles back. “That’s good.”

 

“Can I ask you something?” Jared asks curiously and Jensen nods. “Why aren’t you married? I mean, all your friends are married and your siblings, too. Why not you?”

 

Jensen shrugs uncomfortably. “I don’t know. Never met the right guy, I guess.” He swallows audibly, and Jared thinks Jensen might not be telling him everything, but he lets it go. They’re just getting to know each other after all, so they’re allowed secrets. God knows, Jared has enough of them. “So, is it true that you gave the kids Russian names, because you like Russian lit? Sophie-Ellie mentioned something like this.

 

Jared is surprised that Jensen remembers what his six-year-old told him after the first baseball game. “You remember that?”

 

Jensen smiles. “Sure. I’m the sheriff. I need to know about the people in my town.”

 

“Yeah, it’s true.” Jared smiles shyly. “I was about thirteen when I read ‘Dr. Zhivago’ for the first time. And I kinda fell in love.”

 

“’Dr. Zhivago?” Jensen asks clueless.

 

“It’s the story about a doctor who is torn between two women. Takes place during the Russian Revolution, and it has about a thousand pages. So, it’s not too bad if you haven’t read it, watched the movie.”

 

“There is a movie?”

 

“Yeah. It was actually the first date I went on with James.” Jared stops suddenly and lowers his head to avoid Jensen’s eyes. He didn’t want to say that. It just slipped out. He chews on his bottom lip nervously.

 

Jensen lowers his head, too, so that Jared catches his look. He looks at Jared with a genuine interest in his eyes.

 

“Was it bad?” He asks. He seems to think that the date was bad, because Jared suddenly stopped.

 

“No,” Jared shakes his head. He could easily change the topic now. But somehow he doesn’t want to. “James fell asleep, but I didn’t blame him. It’s a long movie.”

 

“He fell asleep on your first date?” Jensen chuckles amused.

 

“Yeah. He hates… hated Russian lit, but he endured it for me. So, I couldn’t be mad with him for falling asleep. And he apologized like a thousand times, and wanted to take me out again to make up for it.” Jared smiles at the memory.

 

**

 

They’re leaving the movies, and James bites his bottom lip nervously. Jared watches him with growing amusement. At first, he was a little annoyed that James fell asleep on their first date and worried that it might have something to do with him. It is the first date Jared has ever been on, and he was a little unsure about James’ thinking of Jared as boring, or a geek. But, looking at the other boy right now Jared knows that James is feeling really bad about it.

 

“Listen, JT. I’m so sorry that I fell asleep. I haven’t gotten much sleep last night, because I was so damn nervous about going on a date with you. Please, let me make it up to you.” James is almost begging. “Maybe a nice dinner, at the little Italian place near campus.”

 

“It’s okay, James. Really. I understand. It’s not everybody’s thing.” Jared gives him a small smile, but he’s still not sure if James really means what he’s saying.

 

“No, really, JT. I’m sorry. Just let me take you out again. To dinner this time, my treat. And I promise you I won’t fall asleep,” James smiles brightly.

 

Jared laughs. James’ face lights up like a Christmas tree and it makes Jared’s heart beat so fast that it’s threatening to jump out of his chest, because he’s so damn happy that James really wants to go out again. “It’s okay I get it. But you can take me out again anyway.”

 

James eyes widen. “Really? Wow, that’s awesome! I’ll really make it up to you.” He sighs. “Damn, I feel so bad about it.”

 

This time Jared leans down and takes James’ head between his hands. “Don’t be.” He presses a sweet kiss against the other boy’s lips. “I got to watch you sleep. It was nice.” He knows he’s blushing, but right now he doesn’t care, because the smile James is giving him lights up the sky. James leans forward and places a sweet kiss on Jared’s lips.

 

“I think it can be arranged that you can watch me sleep more often, if you like it so much,” James whispers into Jared’s ear and a shiver runs down his spine. “Besides, I’d like to catch up in that department.” There is a playful smirk on James’ face and Jared blushes deep red.

 

**

 

“He sounds like a really good guy,” Jensen says and he sounds genuine.

 

Jared nods upset. “Yeah… he was. He always made pancakes on Sunday morning’s, took the kids to sport events. He used to make me and the kids chicken noodle soup when we had the flu,” he sniffs.

 

“Jared, I’m sorry.” Jensen looks really sorry. “You don’t have to talk about it. It’s none of my business.”

 

“No, it’s just…” He gets up for the couch and starts pacing, “…it’s so damn unfair. I mean, he was this great guy. He loved his kids. He was so damn amazing when I realized that I was pregnant with Annie. He told me that we would do it together and that everything would be okay. He loved his friends. He never did anything illegal, or hurt anyone. He loved his job, and was good at it. He was this amazing person and then he gets pneumonia and suddenly he is gone.” Jared presses the heels of his hands against his eyes to keep the tears from running down his cheeks. “It’s just so damn unfair.” He collapses back on the couch next to Jensen.

 

The older man touches his back and rubs soothing circles into his lower back. “Jay…”

 

It feels good and Jared doesn’t move away, even though he probably should. “I miss him so damn much. I feel like there is this big hole in my heart and it can never be filled again. If I had just done something different, if I just hadn’t let him outside with the kids that day, then James would still be alive.”

 

Jensen scoots closer and pulls Jared, who’s openly crying now, against his shoulder. “No, Jay. This isn’t your fault. Bad things just happen.”

 

“I feel so damn alone. I mean, I met James when I had just turned eighteen. We were so damn young, but I loved him so much. I just knew he was the One for me. We just fitted together. I’ve never been alone since then, it was always just me and him. I don’t know how to be alone and I feel like I’m drowning in my own sorrows. I want…” He lifts his head to look into Jensen eyes, and hopes that the other man will understand, “…I want to be loved and held again. And I’m so sick of being alone. But it feels like I’m betraying James and his memory. Am I, Jen, am I betraying him, by wanting to be loved again?”

 

“N-o.” Jensen’s voice breaks at the little word and Jared can see tears shimmering in his eyes, too. “No, Jay. You are allowed to love, and be loved again. No one will blame you if you move on, or fall in love again. I didn’t know James, but I’m sure that he would have wanted you to be happy and not mourning all your life. Life’s been hard for you and you deserve to be happy.” Jensen shoots Jared an encouraging smile. “Besides, if it would have been you wouldn’t you have wanted James to be happy again?”

 

Jared bites his bottom and nods frantically. “Sure.”

 

“See and I’m sure that James thought the same.” Jensen takes a deep breath. “I might not know what it’s like to lose your husband and first love, but I know what it’s like to lose people you love and care about. It’s always hard and it always hurts, but I think it’s our duty to go on living and be happy, because these people loved us and would have wanted that for us.”

 

It makes Jared cry even more, because he knows that Jensen is right, but moving on is just really hard. Besides, he feels so damn vulnerable since Chace… assaulted him this morning. He’s scared that next time - and he’s sure that Chace isn’t done with him yet - no one will be there to save him.

 

He sobs, “I’m so scared, Jen… after what happened with Chace today. I’m alone and scared and I don’t know what to do.”

 

“Shh,” Jensen soothes and runs his hand through Jared’s hair to calm him down. “You’re not alone, Jay. You have your amazing kids, and wonderful friends. I’m here for you too, Jay. I promise you I will do everything in my power to keep Chace away from you. Everything will be okay.”

 

Jensen words feel good. It feels good to know that Jared is not alone in this, that he has friends who care for him and want to help him. It doesn’t stop his tears, though. Ever since he started crying it feels like he won’t be able to stop until it’s all out. So, Jared buries his head in the crook of Jensen’s neck and cries.

 

He can’t remember crying like this since the day the buried James. Tears had been a luxury he hasn’t had time for in the last six months. The kids had been Jared’s first concern and he didn’t want them to see how much he hurt inside. Jensen holds him close and runs his fingers gently through Jared’s hair. Jared cries for what feels like forever and it must have exhausted him, because he falls asleep just like this, with his head buried in Jensen’s neck and his hands clinging in the front of his friend’s uniform.

 

*~*~*

 

The deep, steady breath tells Jensen that Jared fell asleep pressed against his side. He lowers the younger man onto the cushions. Tear stains on his cheeks, and Jensen’s uniform are the only evidence of what just happened. He wipes at Jared’s cheeks and Jared turns unconsciously into Jensen’s touch. Jensen’s heart jumps in his chest and he pulls his hand away. It feels weird seeing Jared so open and vulnerable when Jared doesn’t know that Jensen is watching him.

 

Jared looks exhausted and Jensen decides to let him get some sleep. He puts a blanket around Jared’s lean form and walks into the kitchen. He’ll make Jared a quick sandwich that the other man can eat after he wakes up again.

 

Jensen’s own eyes are still burning with unshed tears. He wonders if his mother felt the same after his dad’s death. That she just wanted to be loved again, and Jensen made it so hard for her and JD to be happy. He knows that it happened over twenty years ago, but after hearing Jared say that he feels even worse about it now.

 

He hopes, however, that he can be for Jared what JD is for his mom. He’d do anything to make the younger man happy. Jared admitted that he likes Jensen, too. And Jensen hopes that they’ll get their chance sometime. However, the things Jared had admitted, and told Jensen broke Jensen’s heart. Jared still feels guilty for even considering moving on, with anyone. The younger man needs to overcome this guilt first, but Jensen hopes he can help. That he can show Jared that he can move on without feeling guilty.

 

Rummaging through the cupboard on the search of the ingredients for the sandwich, he thinks about that only yesterday he still thought that Jared hated him, and now he’s standing in the man’s kitchen and making him a sandwich. And, they talked – really talked – and even laughed a little with each other.

 

When the back door opens, Jensen has just finished the sandwich for Jared. He turns around and sees Annie walking inside.

 

“Daddy? I…” She stops in her tracks, when she sees Jensen standing at the kitchen counter with the sandwich on a plate in his hands. “What are you doing here?” She asks angrily and Jensen asks himself what he’s done to deserve her anger.

 

“Hi,” he answers, thinking that introducing himself might be best, “I’m Jensen Ackles, the sheriff. And I brought your dad home. He wasn’t feeling so well. And you must be Annie?”

 

Annie’s eyes widen with fear at the prospect of her daddy being sick. “Daddy!” she yells. “Daddy!”

 

She wants to walk into the living room, where Jared is currently sleeping, and Jensen grabs her shoulder to tell her that her dad is fine and that he’s sleeping. But the little girl spins around and kicks Jensen against his knee. Pain shoots through his leg and he cries out, while his legs buckle. Annie starts to run into the living room, but Jared is already standing in the doorframe catching her, obviously woken by Annie’s and Jensen’s yell.

 

“Anastasia Bella!” He says her name with a stern voice, holding her arms. “That’s not the way your father, or I raised you. Why did you kick, Jensen?” He asks with a baffled voice.

 

The girl looks angrily at her father. “He wanted to keep me from seeing you. He said you weren’t well.” Her face is full of fear. “Are you alright, Daddy?”

 

“I’m fine, sweetie. Just a little tired.”

 

Jensen pulls himself off the floor, rubbing his knee and Jared turns towards him. “Are you alright?” He asks concerned.

 

“Yeah, it’s nothing.” Jensen nods and then looks at Annie. “I didn’t want to keep you from seeing your dad. I wanted to tell you that he’s fine and sleeping.”

 

Annie still looks at him with fire in her eyes. Jensen is sure that if he and Jared should start dating sometime in the future Annie would be the one kicking up a fight over it. That doesn’t mean he’s not interested in Jared anymore, though. He really wants to give it a try if Jared would want that too.

 

“Anastasia,” Jared says grimly, “I think you should apologize to Jensen right now. And then you go upstairs and we’ll talk later about what you did.”

 

“But, Daddy…”

 

“Now, young lady,” he looks at her with stern eyes.

 

Annie hangs her head, but she turns to Jensen and holds out her hand. “I’m sorry for kicking you.”

 

It sounds forced, but Jensen accepts it. “It’s okay,” he says softly. “Besides, you’re pretty tough, kicking the sheriff like that.” He shoots her a grin to let her know that he’s not mad at her.

 

Annie doesn’t reply and just walks upstairs with a hanging head. Jensen turns to Jared. “Don’t be too hard on her. She just wanted to know you’re alright.”

 

Jared sighs. “Still, she can’t go around kicking people. James and I didn’t raise her like that.”

 

Jensen picks up the sandwich he put aside when he went after Annie and hands it to Jared. “Here, I made this for you. Tuna. I hope you like it.”

 

“Thanks,” Jared says quietly and looks at the sandwich with what looks a lot like dread. He puts it back on the counter, before turning back to Jensen. “Hey, I wanted to ask you. Chad is planning a small party on Saturday at my house. You wanna come?”

 

Jensen raises his eyebrows surprised but pleased by the invitation. “You’re letting Chad plan a party at your house. And you think it’s gonna be small? Damn.”

 

Jared shrugs. “I trust him. He promised me.”

 

“You trust him?” Jensen asks surprised. “Nobody should trust Chad. Well, not like that anyway. But you don’t know Chad yet. So, I’ll be there to help you keep it under control.” Jensen walks towards the back door. “I’ll talk to Chad about the time. Guess I’ll see you on Saturday, then. Try to get some sleep, Jay.”

 

Jared nods and gives him a small smile. “Thank you, Jen. You know, for everything.”

 

Jensen smiles back gently. It means a lot that Jared is thanking him and warmth spreads through Jensen’s body. It’s not a new feeling. He gets it a lot when people thank him for helping them out. But with Jared it means so much more.

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

He doesn’t want to leave Jared alone, but he knows he has to. He closes the door behind him and walks around the house to get to his car.

 

*~*~*

 

After the back door closes Jared makes his way upstairs to talk to his daughter. He can’t for the life of him imagine what has gotten into Annie to just kick someone. She’s never been aggressive. Ten minutes ago Jared would have said his daughter couldn’t harm anybody, and it throws him a lot to think that he was wrong. He knocks at his daughter’s door and walks inside after she says quietly ‘Come in’.

 

She’s laying on her bed an astronomy book in her hands, but she’s looking at Jared. Tears are shimmering in her eyes and Jared sighs, walking over to her.

 

“Why did you do that, Annie? I know that neither your papa nor I ever encouraged you to kick or hurt people.”

 

Annie shrugs and puts a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I don’t like him. And he said you were sick,” she pouts.

 

“Annie,” Jared takes a deep breath and gently runs a hand through his daughter’s long hair, “I’m not really sick, not like papa. But I haven’t been really taking care of me lately, and because of that I wasn’t feeling so good today and Jensen brought me home and helped me a little.”

 

She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth. “I still don’t like him.”

 

“You wanna tell me why, sweetie?”

 

Annie shrugs. “Just because.”

 

“Okay,” Jared nods, “but just because you don’t like him, doesn’t mean you can kick him. I thought we raised you better than this.” A single tear runs down her face and Jared pulls her into his arms. “Sweetie, don’t cry. I’m not mad anymore. Just promise me it won’t happen again, okay?”

 

She sniffs into his shirt and nods. Jared holds her, while she cries and it breaks his heart that she’s so upset about thinking he was sick. James’ death really did a number on all of them. They might be getting better slowly, but sometimes the wounds are still raw and bleeding.

 

 

Chapter Seven

 

Jensen stops the police car in front of the huge Victorian mansion. Charlie Whitfield is sitting next to him and they share a short look before getting out of the car. Jensen checks his watch. It’s after five and Jared’s barbecue party should be in full swing by now. He’s a little sad that he can’t be at Jared’s right now, but first of all he has to take care of something, or more exactly someone, without Jared knowing.

 

Jared would probably be hurt and disappointed, if he knew that Jensen was on his way to arrest Chace for what he did to him on Thursday. Jensen knows that Jared doesn’t want to press charges because then everyone will know and his kids will learn what happened to him, but Jensen also knows that he can’t let Chace get away with it. He feels bad about going behind Jared’s back, but he’s still the sheriff, and there are still laws he has to follow.

 

Charlie and Alona are the only ones who know what Jensen’s doing and by Monday the rest of the station will know as well, including Chad. He’s prepared to give Chad whatever he wants, if he doesn’t tell Jared.

 

They walk up the three stairs leading to the entrance and ring the bell. Rosa, the housemaid, opens the door, and Jensen tells her why they’re here. Her eyes widen in shock but she lets them inside, and leads them down to the salon.

 

Cynthia Crawford is sitting on one of the old and uncomfortable looking armchairs, drinking her afternoon tea. Her grey hair is in a neat bun, and she looks very elegant in a dark grey coat and skirt. She smiles when she notices Jensen. Despite what happened with Chace, he and Cynthia have always gotten along well. He likes it, that she’s a tough lady.

 

“Jensen, what can I do for you?” Cynthia greets them.

 

Jensen gives her a sad smile. Chace is her only child, and she really doesn’t deserve such a scumbag as her son. “I’m sorry to disturb you, Cynthia. But I’m here to arrest Chace. He’s going to be charged with sexual assault.”

 

Cynthia’s eyes widen in shock, but Jensen also sees something that looks a lot like resignation. “Who’s pressing the charges?” she asks.

 

“I am,” Jensen explains. “I witnessed it, and since the victim doesn’t want to press charges against Chace, I’m doing it.”

 

“Who’s the victim?”

 

Jensen shakes his head. “I’m sorry but it’s confidential.”

 

Cynthia nods. “Well, then.”

 

She leads them through the hall, and up the stairs to Chace’s part of the house. Loud music greets them when they get to the door that leads to Chace’s rooms. Cynthia knocks. After a few seconds she knocks a little louder and finally Chace jerks open his door, dressed in old jeans and a dark t-shirt. He looks annoyed when he sees Jensen and Charlie standing in front of him in their uniforms.

 

“What do you want?” He spits out.

 

“Chace,” his mother scolds. “Don’t make it worse than it already is.”

 

“Chace Crawford, you are being arrested for sexual assault,” Jensen says calmly, and motions for Charlie to handcuff Chace.

 

“What?” Chace squeaks. “I didn’t do anything. Mom, please. It was completely consensual.”

 

“Don’t say any more, Chace. I will call your father,” Cynthia says. She sounds calm and totally in control. Jensen wonders if she expected something like this to happen.

 

Charlie tells Chace his rights while he puts the cuffs around his wrists. Chace is silent now and Jensen knows it’s because his mother is here, otherwise he would be fighting the arrest tooth and nail.

 

Chace nods, and stays silent while Charlie leads him to the police car. Jensen says goodbye to Cynthia and follows Charlie and Chace towards the car. He’s barely sitting in the driver’s seat when Chace starts ranting.

 

“You got nothing, Ackles. I will be out again in no time,” he spits. “My dad will bury you for this. By the way how’s Jared doing? Did he mention me?”

 

Jensen feels hot white anger burning in his belly, but he knows Chace is only trying to rile him up. He really wants to punch him again. He doesn’t, though, because he knows Chace’s lawyer would use that against him.

 

He doesn’t react to Chace’s threats and mocking, just drives the car back to the station. On Monday Chace will be taken to the county jail and Jensen hopefully won’t need to deal with him for a very long time. Now, he just wants to go to Jared’s party and enjoy himself for a few hours.

 

*~**~*

 

The party Chad organized at Jared’s house turns out to be more of a come together of Jared’s new and old friends. Jared is surprised that Chad really kept his promise to keep it low-key, even if there are at least twenty people in his backyard. But there is no one Jared doesn’t want to be here. He’s really glad Chad kept his promise.

 

Jim is manning the barbecue. They all agreed that he’s the only one suitable for the job. Sam is there, too. She’s currently talking to Gabriel and Katherine. She brought pasta and potato salad telling Jared that she didn’t want him to overdo it. She also tells him that she fired Chace. Jared is a little shocked that Sam would do that for him, but he’s grateful that he won’t have to deal with Chace again. He’s still a little shaken from the attack, but he will be fine eventually. However, he wonders what Sam told Gabriel, Katherine and Danneel, about why she fired Chace.

 

Jared asked Jensen and Sam to keep quiet about the attack. Nobody knows about it, besides Chad. Jared told him about it after Chad called him the night he collapsed, his voice full of concern, it just felt right to tell him. Chad had even threatened to castrate Chace, if he ever came near Jared again. He had also asked Jared to press charges, but once again Jared refused. He just doesn’t want his kids to have to deal with this, after all that has happened over the last few months. He wants them to have a quiet life without all the drama.

 

A ‘Kane’ song is humming quietly through the speakers, Chris and Steve took it on themselves to arrange drinks, and the music for today, and Jared smiles. He’s really grateful to have all these amazing friends now. Mike and Tom came over bringing more food and the kids. Annie is sitting at the far end of the backyard laughing with Maddie and Lizzy. Luke, Evan and Dan are throwing a baseball, and Sophie-Ellie and Ben are running around playing catch. They’ve finally settled in, and Jared would be damned before he disturbed that with sexual assault charges.

 

Yesterday, Jared called Sandy and Alexis, inviting them to the party. They were thrilled to finally meet all of Jared’s new friends, they got here about two hours ago. Annie, Luke and Sophie-Ellie had been excited to see their aunts. They hadn’t seen them since James’ funeral, only talked on the phone, and Sophie-Ellie had clung to Alexis for the first hour. It only stopped when the first guests started to ring the bell. Right now Sandy and Alexis are sitting with Chris and Steve, talking animatedly about something. They already met at the ‘Kane’ concert last week, and really seem to get along. Jared is glad that his old friends mingle so well with his new ones.

 

Sophia and Misha aren’t here, sadly. They both have meetings out of town, because of their jobs. Sophia is talking about child birth in Houston, and Misha flew to New York for a symposium on religion yesterday. They were sad that they would miss the party, but they all agreed on dinner with the kids when they returned tomorrow night.

 

He also misses Angie and Matthew, but he knows that they weren’t able to fly down to Texas on such a short notice. They’re both working. He just really wants to see them. They’ve been his family for the last fourteen years, and even though they talk at least twice a week on the phone, and email each other with photos and updates of their lives, it’s not the same as having them here. But they promised to fly down as soon as they can get a few days off.

 

The kids miss them, too. Sophie-Ellie keeps asking about when Granny and Pops will come and visit, and Jared always has to put her off for later. As much as he’s talking to Angie and Matthew, he hasn’t heard anything from his own parents for quite some time. The last time they talked was when Jared told them he was moving back to Texas, and they had the fight about him not moving to San Antonio. That was four months ago. He hasn’t talked to Jeff, since before James’ funeral and he doesn’t plan to. The only one who calls frequently is Megan. She has a stressful life up in New York, but she always finds time to call them at least once a week. Jared really wishes she could be here today.

 

The only one who’s missing right now from his new group of friends is Jensen and Jared wonders why. Maybe there is an emergency at the station, or someone needs the sheriff’s help right now. Somehow, it makes Jared twitchy that Jensen isn’t here yet. He promised that he would come over and Jared is really looking forward to it.

 

He can’t get the afternoon after Chace’s attack out of his head. The way Jensen had cared for him, the way he had listened to him. It had felt really good to get all of this of his chest, and later, long after Jensen had left, Jared had wondered what had made him talk to Jensen so openly. He can’t remember talking to someone so openly, not even James, in all his life. It wasn’t as if he and James kept a lot of secrets, not before they started the open marriage thing. And after that Jared just didn’t feel like he could talk to James anymore, because he didn’t want to hurt his husband, or take something from him James obviously wanted.

 

But with Jensen it was different that night. Jared wonders if maybe it had something to do with his exhaustion. But deep down he knows it didn’t. If Jared is honest with himself he knows it was the connection he feels towards Jensen that made him open up.

 

Jensen had called yesterday, and asked how Jared was feeling. Jared’s cheeks had burned through the whole five minutes conversation, and his heart had beaten a mile a minute, just because Jensen had called, and they were talking. His reaction reminds him a lot of the time when he first met James, and it doesn’t help to cease the guilt.

 

The door bell rings and Jared walks over to open it. It’s Jensen, his hair is ruffled, and he looks rushed. The older man gives him a small smile and Jared is unable not to smile back.

 

“Hey, Jay. Sorry I’m late. I had to finish some paperwork,” Jensen explains, and he looks genuinely sorry for being late.

 

Jared shakes his head. “It’s fine. I’m just glad you made it at all. Come in.”

 

Jensen walks past Jared and their arms brush shortly. Jared’s skin tingles where Jensen touched him and he shivers slightly. Jensen, however, doesn’t seem to notice. They walk through the living room out onto the back terrace.

 

“I still can’t believe you let Chad plan all this,” Jensen says stunned.

 

Jared shrugs. “I asked him not to go overboard with it, and he promised he wouldn’t. And as you can see he didn’t.”

 

Jensen looks around and nods. “It really seems that way. But I’m holding my judgment ‘til the kids are in bed.”

 

Jared chuckles. “You wish there were male strippers, admit it.”

 

Jensen laughs. “I’m a gay man after all. What did you expect?”

 

Jared feels his cheeks heat up with the loaded question. He lowers his head and his hair falls into his face. He wishes he could be enough for someone just for once. That Jensen didn’t need other naked men to be happy. And Jared knows he’s been unreasonable. Jensen doesn’t even know about his and James’… agreement, but he can’t keep the feeling away.

 

James would probably have been thrilled. They had never been to strip clubs together, but Jared knows that James frequented some of them in the last three years. It’s not so much the strippers that bothered Jared, but the thought what James’ might have done with any of them, or any other male in these clubs for that matter.

 

“But, y’know,” Jensen continues, “I think I’ll be okay without the strippers, if the most gorgeous man at this party gets me a beer.”

 

Jared head snaps up, and he meets Jensen’s sparkling green eyes. The other man is smiling, but it is genuine, and not meant to tease. Jensen really means what he says, and Jared feels his cheeks burning even more. He’s not used to someone calling him gorgeous. He’s never been good at taking compliments. Okay, James always told him he looked good. But it’s still different to hear someone, who’s not your husband, say it. He bites his lips nervously, because he really doesn’t know what to say. But Jensen comes to his rescue. He throws an arm around Jared’s shoulders and pulls him towards the bar.

 

“C’mon, Sasquatch. You look like you could use a beer, too.”

 

*~*~*

 

Annie is listening to Maddie and Lizzy talk about Robert Pattinson, and the newest Twilight movie, and how hot the guy is. She doesn’t really think so and she only read the first book of the series, and didn’t like it, too full of whiny teenage girl. Her favorite book is ‘Little Women’, and Josephine is her favorite character. Besides, she’s not even sure she likes boys. Most boys her age are too busy acting like jerks for her to like any of them.

 

She hears the door bell ring and sees how her dad walks in to get the door, and wonders who is arriving this late. She thought they would all be here by now.

 

A few minutes later her dad walks back out on the back terrace and with him is Jensen, the sheriff. She cringes. She really doesn’t like the guy. He seems way too comfortable around her dad. And now they’re even laughing together. Annie hasn’t seen her dad with anybody else than her papa, and seeing him laughing with Jensen feels wrong.

 

It’s not like Annie doesn’t want her dad to be happy. It’s nice to see him smile and laugh again with his friends, just not with Jensen. There is something in the way her dad and Jensen look at each other. Annie is not really sure what it is, she just knows that it’s wrong. It feels wrong the way her dad acts around Jensen. How can her dad even do something like this? Has he already forgotten how happy he was her papa?

 

She feels anger well up in her belly, and she wants to kick Jensen again. The other man has no right to touch her daddy like this. He is not her papa. He’s not her family, even though Sophie-Ellie and Luke act like he is. They’re always happy to be around Jensen, and hug him, or jump into his arms. It’s at times like this she misses her papa the most. She wishes he could walk out of the house and everything would be alright again. But nothing is, and will never be again. Her papa is dead, and he isn’t coming back.

 

“Hey, you okay?” Maddie leans close and nudges Annie’s shoulder. She’s smiling, but her brown eyes shine with concern, just like Lizzy’s.

 

Annie throws a look over her shoulder, seeing her dad giving Jensen a beer. “I don’t like him.”

 

“Who, Uncle Jen?” Lizzy asks surprised. Annie nods. “Why?”

 

Annie shrugs. “Don’t know. I just don’t like him.” She doesn’t know how to explain to the twins that she doesn’t want him so close to her dad. It just doesn’t feel right.

 

Maddie frowns. “But he’s really nice, and he makes the best pancakes. Besides, Luke and Sophie-Ellie like him. Maybe you should just give him a chance.”

 

“Yeah.” Annie shrugs.

 

She really doesn’t want to give Jensen a chance. He has no right to be this comfortable with her dad. She scowls, and the twins return to their conversation, knowing that Annie won’t change her mind any time soon.

 

“Hey, sweetie. What are you scowling at?” Sandy sits down next to her goddaughter and pulls Annie into a hug.

 

Annie shrugs and Maddie explains, “She doesn’t like Uncle Jen.”

 

Sandy shoots a look at Jared and Jensen joking, before kissing Annie’s temple. “He makes your dad happy.”

 

And that’s exactly the problem.

 

*~*~*

 

When the doorbell rings the next time, Jensen had just sat down next to Chris with a full plate in his hand. Jared excuses himself, and Jensen watches him go with a fond smile on his face. They’re really becoming friends, and it feels good, feels right.

 

Jared looks a lot better than the last time he saw him, he even agreed to have one of Jim’s steaks. Sam said she would be so disappointed if he didn’t try at least one of her salads, and he packed some of each salad on his plate, too.

 

Jared’s little collapse seems to have woken up the people in Dalton. Jensen sees all of them looking at Jared more often, and with concern in their eyes. The collapse seems to have shown Jared that he really has to start taking care of himself better. He didn’t even argue when Jim put the largest steak on his plate, he just smirked knowingly.

 

“Earth to Jenny.”

 

Jensen snaps out of his thoughts when Chris waves his hand in front of his face. He looks at him with a questioning look. “What?”

 

Chris laughs and the others, namely Tom, Mike and Steve, join in. “Man, you are so gone.” Alexis, who Jensen only just met, watches him with a fond look and a small knowing smile.

 

Jensen feels his cheeks heat up. He hasn’t blushed in years. “Shut up, Christian.”

 

“Jensen and Jared, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g…” Mike singsongs and Jensen throws his napkin at him. He’s glad that Jared went inside to get the door and doesn’t have to witness their friends turning into teenagers again.

 

But he’s grinning. If it really goes the way Jensen wants it to go, and he really hopes it does, he can stand a little teasing by his friends. He knows Jared is worth it, worth the wait. Thinking about Sophie-Ellie, Luke and Annie, Jensen is still a little scared. He never thought about being a dad, or a substitute dad before, and now Jared comes with three of them. But the kids are great and Jensen is definitely willing to overcome his fear.

 

Suddenly a wet kiss is planted on his cheek and Jensen almost jumps out of his chair.

 

“Hey guys. I thought I’d join you.”

 

Jensen looks up and is greeted by Danneel’s tits practically thrust in his face. His friends are rolling their eyes. Chris and Mike look annoyed. Alexis, though, is watching Danneel with open curiosity. Jared introduces them and they nod at each other.

 

“Danni,” Jensen says. “Take a seat.”

 

The woman grins at him with lusty eyes and drops into the chair next to him, the one where Jared was about to sit. She’s wearing narrow shorts, and a tank top that offers a deeper look than anyone really wants to have. He still asks himself, what the hell was he thinking when he asked her out? He must have been really confused at the time. Okay, yeah Danneel’s not bad looking, with her long auburn hair and perfect body. But still Jensen likes his partners hard and muscular, where Danneel is soft and round.

 

Chris and Mike had both announced him insane when he told them he had asked Danneel out. And, even though Jensen’s mom never said a thing, Jensen knows that she was less than thrilled that he dated Danneel. Danneel, however, had thrived on dating Jensen for those four weeks, always wanting to go out and show him off. Show the people in Dalton that she finally had what she had wanted for so long. Jensen shudders slightly at the memory.

 

Jared sits down on the other side of the table and Jensen shoots him an apologetic smile. The younger man just shakes his head and Jensen knows it’s okay for Jared. That, however, doesn’t mean it’s okay for Jensen. He really wants to pry Danneel out of the chair and make her change seats with Jared.

 

“So, Jen. How’s police work going?” Danneel asks, trailing her long, manicured fingers over Jensen’s bare forearm.

 

He refrains from telling her that he’s the sheriff, and not a police officer, because it’s a lost cause with her. He smiles politely. “Good, thanks.” He feels Jared’s eyes on him and turns to see the other man following Danneel’s fingers on his arm. There is sadness and maybe even hurt in Jared’s eyes, and Jensen doesn’t know how to react, because Jared can’t really think that Jensen is interested in Danneel. But he takes Danneel’s hand and places it on the chair’s arm, just to make a point.

 

The look on Jared’s face lets Jensen hope, though. Hope that they’re on their way to a relationship.

 

Danneel actually pouts at him and Jensen can barely keep himself from rolling his eyes at her. She’s still not getting that there will never be anything between them, even though they didn’t even sleep together. She just doesn’t get that Jensen is only interested in men, and that she, Danneel, had been a mistake.

 

However, before she can say something about it Chris and Steve dive into a story about a new song. And Sandy comes back, sitting down on Alexis lap, pulling her into a deep kiss. Both turn the attention effectively away from Danneel, and Jensen’s glad. His mother raised him right, and he always has problems telling Danneel that she actually gets on his nerves.

 

But he knows how pushy Danneel can be, and he’s pretty sure that Chad didn’t invite her today. Chad and Danneel are like cats and dogs, they don’t get along and they always fight. So, Jensen is sure that Danneel heard about Jared’s party, and just came over. He sighs. He really wants to know when Danneel will get that neither Jensen, nor his friends, like her all that much.

 

“So, Jared,” Danneel says sweetly, “we haven’t really had time to get to know each other all that well. How’re you liking Dalton so far?”

 

Jared smiles. “It’s great. I’ve met some very nice people, and working with Sam is great.”

 

Danneel nods. “Yeah, Sam is a great boss.” She looks around pushing her long hair back and grins. “And the people in Dalton are really nice. Aren’t they, Jen?” She looks at him innocently and Jensen waits for the punch line he knows is coming. “Y’know,” she turns back to Jared, “Jen and I dated a few years back. But he’s just not the guy to settle down, that’s why it didn’t work out.”

 

Jensen grits his teeth but doesn’t reply. He would just say something he would regret later. Chris saves him and changes the topic when he asks Danneel how work is going. Jensen looks over at Jared and catches him watching him. The sadness and hurt are gone from his eyes and there is something shining in them that Jensen doesn’t know how to interpret. When Jared gets up and walks into the house Jensen follows, and he finds the younger man in the kitchen.

 

Jared is looking into his fridge and Jensen says quietly, “I’m sorry about Danneel.”

 

Jared spins around and looks a little startled when he sees Jensen standing there. “Damn, don’t scare me like that.”

 

Jensen grins. “Sorry. Didn’t know you were easy to scare, Mr. Padalecki.”

 

“Padalecki-Lafferty,” Jared shoots back.

 

The grin falls of Jensen’s face and he replies quietly, “Yeah, sorry. Padalecki-Lafferty.”

 

Jared bites his bottom lip. He looks as if he’s sorry that he corrected Jensen. “No, I’m sorry, Jen. I mean…”

 

Jensen reaches out and wraps his hand around Jared’s wrist, feeling the other man’s pulse beneath his fingertips. “Don’t apologize, Jay. It’s fine. Really. I understand.”

 

“No, it’s not fine,” Jared sighs. “I shouldn’t have snapped like that. It’s just… I’ve been Mr. Padalecki-Lafferty for the last twelve years.” He pulls his hand away from Jensen’s grasp to take out a necklace with a ring from beneath his t-shirt. “I still wear my wedding ring around my neck. It was a reflex, Jen, nothing more.”

 

Jensen’s heart clenches a little when he sees Jared’s wedding ring. It’s proof that they’re still miles away from where Jensen wants them to be. He forces a smile. “I know, Jay. You don’t have to apologize for that.”

 

“Maybe I should apologize for not accepting your apology earlier,” Jared says sheepishly. “We could have been friends for a lot longer.”

 

“We are friends now,” Jensen says happily.

 

“Yes, we are,” Jared breathes. “But I still think the posters Chad put up were funny,” he laughs.

 

“Well, I’m glad my misery amuses you to no end,” Jensen chuckles. “Listen, Jay, I need to tell you something.”

 

Jared nods. “Okay.”

 

“Danneel was right. I never was the guy for a committed relationship.”

 

“Was?” Jared asks, and Jensen wonders if he imagined the hopeful undertone in Jared’s voice.

 

Jensen smiles slightly. “Well, until I met you.”

 

Jared blushes and they grow silent. When their eyes meet the air is charged with tension, and it feels as if time has stopped. It’s just them, and they’re only inches apart. Jensen wants nothing more than to cross the distance and finally, finally claim Jared’s mouth as his. He lifts his hand and gently runs his thumb over Jared’s bottom lip, feeling the younger man shiver. Jared’s eyes are locked with Jensen’s. They’re hazel-green with a shimmer of gold and Jensen wants to drown in them. He leans forward and Jared doesn’t pull back. And then…

 

“Daddy?” The soft voice cuts through the loaded atmosphere and both men jump apart as if they were caught in the act.

 

Jensen turns around and sees Sophie-Ellie standing at the door. He grins at the little girl and waves her inside.

 

“Hey, young lady. What can we do for you?”

 

Sophie-Ellie giggles. “Can we have ice cream, Daddy?”

 

Jared seems to finally snap out of his stupor, and smiles at his daughter. “What ice cream do you want?”

 

The little girl seems to think about it for a second. “Ben wants chocolate chip, and I want cookie dough.” She turns over to Jensen. “What ice cream do you like, Jensen?”

 

He grins. “Hmm, I like chocolate chip. But I think cookie dough is my favorite, too.” Sophie-Ellie shoots him a bright smile. “What about you, Jay? Which is your favorite ice cream?”

 

Before Jared can answer Sophie-Ellie wrinkles her nose and says, “Vanilla. That’s so lame, Daddy.”

 

Jared sighs with fake annoyance. “I’m sorry you have such a lame daddy. But I love vanilla. Nothing can ever top that.”

 

Jensen raises his eyebrows. “Nothing?” He asks with a coy smirk. Jared’s blush tells him that Jared knows exactly what Jensen is talking about, and it has nothing to do with ice cream.

 

“I mean ice cream, you…” Jared stops the curse that’s about to fall from his lips when he remembers that his daughter is still in the room with them, and Jensen laughs.

 

“Right. Why don’t you go back outside and leave me and Sophie-Ellie to get the real ice cream?”

 

Jared huffs, but grabs the plate of peach pie Sandy and Alexis brought with them. “Now, they even kick me out of my own kitchen.” He tries to sound annoyed, but Jensen sees the glint in his eyes telling him Jared is only faking.

 

After Jared leaves, Jensen scoots up Sophie-Ellie in his arms and they both scan the freezer for the ice cream. They make three bowls, one with chocolate chip for Ben and two for themselves with cookie dough.

 

When they walk back outside, Jensen sits down in his chair. What he didn’t expect was Sophie-Ellie climbing onto his lap to eat her ice cream. When she looks at him with big brown eyes, he smiles and puts his arms around her back so he can eat his ice cream, too.

 

Jared looks at them with a surprised, but fond look on his face. Ben decides to sit on Jared’s lap and Jensen and the younger man share a short look over the kids’ heads. Having Sophie-Ellie in his lap feels really comfortable and he could definitely get used to it. What he won’t get used to is the angry look Annie shoots him whenever their eyes meet. Slowly he comes to the realization that Annie doesn’t want him close to her family, and that probably won’t change anytime soon. It hurts, but if Jensen is honest he knows exactly how she feels.

 

*~*~*

 

Later, long after the kids are in bed and even the last guest is gone, Jared makes his way to his bedroom, his empty bedroom. He thinks about the moment he and Jensen shared in the kitchen. Right then Jared wanted nothing more than for Jensen to kiss him. He wanted it so bad, and it makes his heart ache. How can something that feels right and could probably make him happy be so wrong?

 

He remembers the jealousy that flared up when Danneel ran her fingers down Jensen’s arm. It burned deep in his belly, and he wanted nothing more than to rip her hand off of Jensen. Jared wishes it could have been him touching Jensen like that to feel the smooth, soft skin under his fingers. How can he have such thoughts when he promised James his everlasting love on their wedding day?

 

Jared feels like he’s betraying James, even thinking about another man. Had James ever felt like this, when he was with Milo or someone else? Probably not, or he wouldn’t have done it.

 

Even now, he can’t understand how James could share other men beds, and still claim to be completely and utterly in love with Jared. He could never have slept with anybody else beside James. He’s feeling guilty just thinking about it, and James died six months ago.

 

Jared changes from jeans and t-shirt into his sleep pants, sweatpants that hang low on his hips. James always gave him a heated, lusty smile when he wore them. Suddenly he wonders how Jensen would look at him if he ever got to see him in this sweats. Would he also get a heated look in his eyes, and would that cause heat to pool in Jared’s belly?

 

His dick twitches at the thought, in answer to his question, or at least his side of the questions whirling around in his head. Jared pushes it away thinking about how Sophie-Ellie climbed on Jensen’s lap. How naturally Jensen had put his arms around her, and how he allowed her to sink against his broad chest to eat her ice cream. A warm feeling spreads through his body. The older man looked comfortable with Sophie-Ellie in his lap. They even shared secret smiles, and Jared wishes he knew what they had been about. Sophie-Ellie fell asleep on Jensen, and it showed how much Jared’s baby girl liked Jensen, as she’s only ever fallen asleep on his or James’ arm, or sometimes Sophia’s or Sandy’s, but never on someone who’s practically a stranger.

 

It felt good for Jared to see his little girl trusting Jensen so much as to fall asleep in his arms, even if it surprised him. But if Jared has the connection with Jensen, maybe Sophie-Ellie has, too. His heart swelled with the way Jensen tightened his arms protectively around her. Jared had watched them for almost the whole evening, and when his and Jensen’s eyes met repeatedly, Jensen always looked at him with soft, fond eyes, and a small secret smile on his face. There were a lot of emotions flickering through Jensen’s eyes, not all of them for Jared to identify, but he could see happiness and tenderness, and something that could maybe turn into love. He knows he could fall for Jensen, if he’d just let himself.

 

Tears burn behind Jared’s eyes, because on the one side he wants this, wants Jensen, more than anything in his life right now. On the other side, he still loves James, and he misses him constantly. Besides he has to think about his kids. Okay, Sophie-Ellie seems really comfortable around Jensen, but Annie doesn’t, and for Luke it’s probably just hero-worship. Jared isn’t sure how his kids would react to Jensen as his partner. It’s just not the right time.

 

James probably would have told Jared to go for it, to sleep with Jensen. Maybe he would have slept with Jensen himself. But the thing is this isn’t about sex, not exclusively, this is about a relationship, about love, and trust, and togetherness. If it was just sex, Jared could resist easily. This, though, is so much harder.

 

However, Jared finally agreed to take the kids down to the station on Monday, and Jensen had given him a bright smile, when Jared told Luke ‘yes’. All of the boys are really excited to finally get to go to the station. Evan, of course, has visited the station on many occasions, but he really wants to show it to his new friends. And Sophie-Ellie will be excited, too, when Jared tells her tomorrow. She was already asleep when they decided to visit the station on Monday. That means Jared will see Jensen again in two days and he’s kind of looking forward to it. Okay, he’s really looking forward to it.

 

Besides, before Sandy and Alexis left they told him that they both liked Jensen, and approved, if Jared should decide to give this a shot. Sandy had kissed his cheek and told him that she thinks Jensen would be good for him, and Alexis even told him that Jensen is already smitten for him. He can’t really believe that they’ve only know each other for about two weeks, but it feels nice to know that his friends will support him, if he decides to go out with Jensen.

 

He closes his eyes and hopes that sleep will come soon, and without the common nightmares. However, his half hard cock still begs for attention and it helps nothing that he sees Jensen’s deep green eyes every time he closes his. When he pushes his hand under his sweatpants and in his boxers he thinks about James’ lips and arms, and about how it felt when James had fucked him. He jerks his cock quick and hard and he finds himself at the edge very soon. However, shortly before he comes the image of James of sucking his cock turns to Jensen sucking his cock. Jared comes with a shout and the image of Jensen on his knees in front of him.

 

He’s never fantasized about anybody other than James, and even that was only occasionally. They hadn’t really been apart ever since they met. Fantasizing about Jensen, though, makes him feel guilty, while at the same time makes desire burn in his stomach. He’s torn between giving in to Jensen, and holding on to James’ memory. Right now, Jared doesn’t know how he can have both.

 

After he cleans himself off, he snuggles into the blanket and wishes that it was Jensen he was snuggling with. Guilt flares up, that it’s Jensen he’s thinking about, and not James. But he just can’t get Jensen out of his head. So, he falls asleep, his last thoughts being of Jensen.

 

*~*~*

 

On Monday morning Jensen is shuffling through the papers on his desk when Alona knocks on his door. Chace had been taken to Dallas, where he was awaiting trial. Chace’s lawyer has already announced that he would be asking the court to release him on bail. Jensen knows that they probably will, but for now Chace is gone.

 

Alona’s smiling slightly, tying her hair in a ponytail when she walks into his office, and drops in the chair on the opposite of his desk.

 

“So, I heard you went to Jared’s BBQ on Saturday. You gonna tell me how it went?”

 

Jensen thinks back and smiles. “Good, it went really good, I think. We had a lot of fun. Danneel was there, though,” Jensen sighs. “Tried to mark me as hers once again.”

 

Alona groans, “Really, was she even invited? I thought Chad planned the party.”

 

Jensen shrugs his shoulders. “I think she just turned up. And after Jared let her in we couldn’t really kick her out, y’know.”

 

Alona nods frowning, before she starts grinning. “But with you and Jared, it’s gonna work out, yeah?”

 

That’s a question Jensen doesn’t know how to answer. He wants he and Jared to work, but if they really will is written on a different page. So, he shrugs. “I don’t know. I mean there was this moment…”

 

“What moment?” Alona interrupts excited.

 

“Y’know, the kinda moment where you think time stops, and it’s just you and him in the entire universe.” Jensen sighs. “I don’t really know if Jared sensed it too, but I really wanted to kiss him.”

 

“Aww, that’s so sweet,” Alona says. “Well, what happened? Why didn’t you kiss him?”

 

“Sophie-Ellie, his youngest, interrupted us and the moment was broken,” Jensen says slightly disappointed. “I really... I don’t even know, Al. With Jared it’s… everything is better with him, brighter. And I wanna be around him 24/7. My heart always threatens to jump out of my chest when I just think about him.” Jensen sighs. “Weird, huh?”

 

Alona grins. “Not weird, Jen. You’re in love, and that’s how it feels.”

 

“I’m not in love,” Jensen denies. He isn’t, except for the part where he is completely falling for Jared. He’s just not ready to admit that.

 

“But that’s a good thing,” Alona laughs. “Besides, with the moment and all, it looks like you got a chance.”

 

Jensen nods smiling. “Yeah, I think so, too. And he’s coming here, bringing the kids over for a visit.”

 

“Oh, that’s great. So, when are you asking him out?”

 

Jensen shrugs. “I’m not sure. We talked about it the day I took him home after that son of a bitch Chace attacked him. But I think he’s not really ready for that, y’know. He’s still pretty much in love with his husband.”

 

Alona stands up and walks around the desk, squeezing Jensen’s shoulder in encouragement. “You really want to be with him, Jen?” She asks.

 

Jensen nods. “Yeah, I do.”

 

“Then, don’t let that keep you away. Give him time, listen to him, talk to him. But if you really want a serious relationship with him, you need to be there for him and help him to move on in any way possible,” she says insistently. “I think you two would be good together,” Alona smiles.

 

Jensen chuckles. “Thanks, Al.” He hugs her shortly, before pulling away to ask, “So, what about you? Anything new on the boyfriend front?”

 

“Naw,” Alona shakes her head, “all the good ones are already spoken for.”

 

“You’ll find one soon, I promise. Every guy would be glad to have you.”

 

Alona snorts and hits Jensen’s arm playfully. “Ass-kisser.”

 

Jensen laughs, and watches Alona walk out of the room. She really deserves to be happy, now if he just knew someone who could make that happen... He returns to the papers on his desk for the next half an hour, until he hears the front door open and excited kids’ voices echoing through the station. He puts the papers away, and walks out of his office.

 

Luke, Dan and Evan are already talking animatedly to Chad. Ben and Sophie-Ellie are still standing next to Jared, who’s talking to Alona. When the younger man turns around and their eyes meet, Jared smiles at him brightly. His dimples will be Jensen’s death, the older man is sure. He smiles back, walking over to them.

 

“Jensen!” Sophie-Ellie exclaims when she sees him, and runs towards him. He sweeps her up into his arms and receives a hug.

 

“Hey, sweetie.” He puts her down and looks her up and down. She’s wearing a yellow dress with red corn poppies. “Wow, you look gorgeous. Did you dress up for me especially?”

 

Sophie-Ellie giggles. “No. It’s my favorite dress.”

 

Jensen nods. “Well, I can definitely see why. It’s really beautiful.” He turns towards Jared. “Hey, Jay. I see you finally made it.”

 

“Yeah,” Jared chuckles. “These guys,” he points at the older boys, “couldn’t wait any longer and I figured I should see what the station looks like.”

 

Jensen laughs and says hello to Ben, Luke, Dan and Evan. While Ben, Luke and Dan shake his hand, Evan hugs him tight. Jensen holds his godson against his chest. He really loves the boy.

 

“So, where is Annie?” He turns back to Jared.

 

Jared shakes his head. “I guess the sheriff and the station don’t hold a lot of excitement for an eleven-year-old girl. She’d rather spend her time with Mike and the twins.”

 

Jensen nods. He assumed that Annie wouldn’t come. Firstly, because he’s sure that it isn’t something she’s interested in, and secondly, because she doesn’t like him.

 

“Well, maybe I can peak her interest a bit more with horses and a ranch,” Jensen suggests. “What do you say to a day at my parents’ ranch? We could go on Saturday and can spend the day there. I know school starts next week, so it’d be kind of a last hurrah for the kids, before real life starts again.”

 

Sophie-Ellie’s eyes widen at Jensen’s suggestion and Jared sees it, too.

 

“Can we, Daddy, please? Annie loves horses.” Jensen sends a little pray upstairs that he’s really found something that Annie would like, too.

 

Jared hesitates and Jensen leans forward, whispering in his ear, “It’s not a date. Just a day out of town for the kids, and you, get out and relax a bit. It’ll be good for all of you.”

 

When he pulls back, Jensen thinks Jared looks actually a little disappointed, but then the look turns into a smile and Jared nods. “Yeah, why not? I’d really like to meet your parents.”

 

Chad snorts in the back of the office and both, he and Jared, turn towards him with raised eyebrows.

 

“Dude, don’t you think you two should start dating before meeting the parents?”

 

Jensen just rolls his eyes and wants to slap Chad once again. But Jared doesn’t seem too bothered, he just rolls his eyes at Chad, too. Alona sends Chad an annoyed look, before she winks at Jensen.

 

“Daddy, look what I found.” Luke’s high pitched voice sounds through the station and then he comes running with Dan and Evan on his heels.

 

However, when Jensen sees the sheepish look on Evan’s face he knows it’s not good. Luke is standing in front of Jared holding a .357 Magnum Colt Python, pretending to shot people and Jensen’s heart almost stops beating. It’s one of Fred Lehne’s guns and Jensen will definitely kick his ass for leaving it lying around. Sophie-Ellie starts crying and Jensen sees Alona pulling the little girl over into her arms. Alona looks shocked, just like Chad.

 

Jared’s eyes widen in shock and fear, before it turns to anger. “Lucas Nikolai Padalecki-Lafferty! What’s gotten into you?! Put the gun down, now!”

 

“But, Daddy, I’m Jensen. I’m the sheriff.”

 

Jensen can see that Jared is close to freaking out, his eyes wide with fear. His face is bright red and his hands are curled into fists. So, Jensen walks over to Luke and takes the gun from the boy’s hands. The boy actually pouts.

 

“C’mon, Luke. The sheriff doesn’t point guns at random people. We only ever use guns around really bad, really dangerous guys when we have to. You mustn’t ever touch a gun, okay?” Jensen explains.

 

Jared shakes his head. “I’m very disappointed in you, young man.” His voice is full of anger and fear. “You know exactly how I feel about guns and that neither I nor your papa tolerated guns in the least. Do you know what could have happened? You could’ve hurt… could’ve killed yourself or someone else! Don’t ever, ever touch a gun again, young man!” Luke’s crying now.

 

Jensen checks if the gun is loaded, and if it is he has to suspend Fred for a few weeks. But thankfully it’s not and he says as much. Jared faces him. He’s completely furious. And Jensen gets it, he doesn’t want to see Evan, Maddie or Lizzy or now Jared’s kids with a real gun ever again.

 

“And that makes it better, how, Jensen? How did he even get the gun? Is it normal for a sheriff station to have guns just lying around for anyone to pick up?” Jared throws his hands in the air and walks out of the front door slamming it behind him.

 

Jensen asks Alona and Chad to watch the kids and rushes after him. He walks out into the burning Texan sun and sees Jared sitting down on one of the benches on the sidewalks. His head comes to rest in his hands and he seems more shocked now, than anything else. Jensen walks over to him and sits down. He lays a hand on Jared’s shoulder, squeezing slightly.

 

“I’m sorry. I’ll have a long talk with Fred. Normally we all use lockers for our guns. We don’t leave them lying about, I swear.”

 

Jared looks up and Jensen sees that he’s crying. He pulls Jared into a hug.

 

“I was so scared, Jen. I can’t lose him. Not Luke, too.”

 

“I know, Jay. And I’ll make sure that nothing like that ever happens again. But it’s okay, now. Nothing happened.” Jensen explains softly, hoping that Jared will calm down.

 

“It’s just. I hate guns. I have ever since I was a kid.” Jared takes a deep breath and wipes the tears away.

 

“What happened? What made you hate them so much?” Jensen asks curious. He’s never had a problem with guns himself. He grew up in Texas after all.

 

Jared swallows hard. “My dad and my brother always went hunting on weekends, and they wanted me to go with them. But I didn’t want to, never did, guns always seemed loud and scary to me, not something cool. I guess it was one of the things that made me…different in my family.” Jared sighs.

 

“Dad used to get angry that I didn’t want to go, and we’d usually argue about it. So, one day I was standing in my father’s office, I think I was nine or ten, and we’re arguing about it, as usual. He was lecturing me, telling me it wasn’t manly not to go hunting and he just kept going on and on, and he was holding his hunting rifle in one hand and then suddenly he points it at me... like someone points a finger at you, and he kept jabbing the butt of the gun at me, and called me a sissy.” He takes a deep breath, “It wasn’t loaded and I don’t think he really meant to do it, but still... it scared me. So, I just… I don’t like ‘em.”

 

God, Jensen really wants to have some minutes alone with Jared’s dad. How in hell could you point a gun at your kid? Who does that? Who forces his kids into hunting? Right now, he wants to kick Jared’s dad’s ass so hard.

 

“God, Jay, that’s horrible,” Jensen says angrily. “I’d really like to kick your father’s ass right now. Damn, he could have killed you.”

 

Jensen is furious, but then Jared smiles and lays a calming hand on Jensen’s arm. “It’s okay. He apologized for it.”

 

“Still… I’m so sorry you had to go through this. And for everything that happened earlier.”

 

Jared nods. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

 

“It’s okay. I understand. But I think we should go back and talk to the kids. They’re probably really scared.”

 

It seems as if Jared’s gonna cry again. “Damn. I ran out on my own kids, just ‘cause I was upset! How could I do that?” He gets up and walks back to the station determined. Jensen follows.

 

“It’s okay to need some time for yourself, y’know,” Jensen soothes him while they walk back. “You were angry and needed a time out. You’re kids are everything, I get that Jared, but you’re a person too, and you need time for yourself. Don’t worry about the kids, Chad and Alona took care of them.”

 

When they walk inside, they see that Alona is trying to calm Sophie-Ellie and Ben, while Chad takes care of Luke, Dan and Evan. Jared walks over to his son and pulls him into a tight hug. Luke’s face is tearstained.

 

“Don’t ever do that again, okay?”

 

Luke nods. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

 

Jared kisses his boy’s cheek and nods. “I know and I’m sorry I ran out. I was just so scared.” He turns to look at Sophie-Ellie. “Hey, sweetie.” He waves her over. “Come here.” He wipes away his daughter’s tears after she runs over to him. “It’s okay. Everything is fine now.”

 

Jensen turns to Evan and his godson chews on his bottom lip nervously. “Where did y’all get Fred’s gun, Ev?”

 

Evan exchanges a look with Dan and Luke and says, “It was in his desk.”

 

“What were you doing at his desk? You shouldn’t sneak through other’s people desks and stuff. How did you even know?”

 

Evan looks down. “I’ve watched him put it away when I was here before.” He looks up. “We thought it would be really cool to have a gun. We didn’t want to hurt anybody.”

 

Jensen pulls Evan into his arms. “I know, you didn’t mean to. But guns are really, really dangerous and y’all could seriously get hurt. And you also know that I don’t want to you to play with real guns. You could have just asked me to show you my gun.”

 

Evan nods miserably. “I’m sorry, Uncle Jen.”

 

“Apology accepted. But if you ever see one of my colleagues put away their guns in a desk I want you to tell me.” Evan nods again. “Good.”

 

Someone touches Jensen’s shoulder and when he turns around he sees Luke standing there. He’s looking really miserable.

 

“I’m sorry, Jensen.” Jensen pulls Luke into a hug.

 

“You’re forgiven if you don’t do it again, buddy.”

 

Luke nods and an awkward silence settles over them. It’s Chad who breaks it.

 

“So, since we’ve all calmed down again. How about we make you real sheriffs? Because, it’s not the gun that makes a sheriff a sheriff. Right, Jenny?”

 

Jensen rolls his eyes, but he’s too grateful to call Chad on his use of the hated nickname. “Right, Chaddy.” Chad rolls his eyes, but right now they’re all too relieved that everything is under control again that he doesn’t say anything.

 

“We’ll draw you all some sheriff’s stars and I think there also be some older hats somewhere around here. What do you think?”

 

The kids seem to like the idea, because the all run over to Chad’s desk and start drawing excitedly. Jared comes over to Jensen. They smile at each other and Jared grabs Jensen’s hand, squeezing it.

 

“Thanks, sheriff,” Jared says softly.

 

Jensen chuckles. It sounds good coming from Jared. “Just tell me it won’t always be like this when we’re out with the kids.”

 

As soon as the sentence is out Jensen wants to take it back, because it sounds so much like they’re a family already. And he promised to give Jared the time he needed. But Jared gives him a secret smile keeping his hold on Jensen’s hand, and Jensen feels like bursting with all the happiness that’s surging through him right now.