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Every Saturday night Hashirama told himself he wouldn't do it anymore. And every Sunday morning he did it anyway.
Just like he had for the last few months, Hashirama rose before the sun and tugged on light training gear. He slipped downstairs without waking his family and grabbed the ingredients necessary from the kitchen.
The cool early morning air kissed the Hokage's face as he emerged from his home. He jumped to the rooftops and headed for the Hokage mountain. Hashirama swiftly scaled it and paused at the top to look at his village. He took a deep breath in through his nose and turned to head into the forest.
Hashirama rarely had moments where his mind was quiet. There was always a meeting to worry about, an estranged shinobi group causing trouble, and the other Kages loved to give him hell. But, as he ran through the forest, running along the same path he had so many times before, he wasn't thinking about anything. The trees and plants helped, he was surrounded by his element.
The fresh dew dampening the grass sprinkled his toes with each step, reminding him that some things came and went and would continue to for the rest of eternity. The dew would dry with the morning sun and return the next day. Some things came back, but not all things. Not the things you wanted to.
The subtle seals and traps placed by his brother didn't give Hashirama a single second's pause. He slipped past them without trouble. The morning birds sang to him from the canopy and startled when he came too close.
It took about an hour to get there, though he could have halved the time if he truly wanted to. The large X carved into the rock told him he had arrived and he slowed to a walk in front of the enormous mokuton tree he'd created. The trunk split near the bottom, creating an opening for the Hokage to walk into. Vines reached down from the top of the opening, creating a curtain for him to walk through. He brushed his hand along the wooden bark as he entered, pulsing more chakra into it to make sure it was secure and safely sealed.
To the untrained eye, the passageway would lead to a dead end. But Hashirama knew there was something there. He placed his hand on the ground and pulsed his chakra into a seal hidden under a henge of moss. A sharp buzz sounded before the hatch popped opened and Hashirama silently jumped down into the hole. He looked up and watched the hatch snap back into place.
The Senju stepped forward and placed the basket he had with him on the table beside the large wooden box at the centre of the room. Only it wasn't just any wooden box, it was a coffin. "Good morning, Madara." Hashirama greeted, a small genuine smile rose his cheeks. It was nothing like the joyful grin he held when in the village. And if it was a little faked these days no one needed to know.
"I know you don't like matcha tea, but I forgot to stop at Emiko's shop to get the kind you like yesterday." Hashirama set out two cups and a small pot. The tea leaves were already in the infuser. "I meant to, I even wrote it down! But then Hikaku invited me to join him and his friends at the casino and you know that I can't resist that." Hashirama faltered, "well, I guess you don't know. But I have been gambling more than I probably should lately."
A suiton was followed by a small katon and the water in the pot began to warm up.
"Inodaiki - the Yamanaka clanhead - said that I do it to replace the high stakes of battle. And I guess I haven't been in a real fight in a while." Sparring with Tobirama was the closest he had come since the village was founded. "If you were here I bet you would still be training everyday."
Madara had kept a strict workout routine while in the village. Hashirama didn't know if that was just to keep in shape or if he was staying strong in preparation for his desertion. More than once he had found Madara still training when he got up in the morning. He hardly ever slept now that Hashirama thought about it.
The boiling pot cut him off and he extinguished the small fire and poured the tea into the two cups. One for him and one for Madara. To go with it, Hashirama had brought some goodies as well. As Hashirama set out the sweets he said, "you wouldn't believe the types of desserts the Akimichi have. I know you have a thing for sweets - or at least you did." He didn't actually remember Madara eating any sweets in his adulthood.
Hashirama split up the treats onto two small plates. The soft crackling of the torches lining the walls was the only response he was granted.
"Hikaku is an excellent clanhead." Hashirama did what he always did when the emotions he heavily suppressed began to breach containment. He just kept talking because he knew that no one would drink that second cup of tea or eat those treats. "He may not be as strong as you are, but he is smart and knows how to hold his own against the other clanheads." The Senju scoffed, "you weren't kidding about the Hyuuga by the way. They are stubborn ."
He popped a treat into his mouth as he continued, "they want the Hyuuga main branch children to be given special treatment at the academy because of the rarity of their dojustu, isn't the strange?" He knew Madara would think so too. "Hikaku was the one to say that if the Hyuuga were to be given special treatment than so should the Uchiha and that's a slippery slope. The Nara's could say their shadow possession jutsu makes them special or the Yamanaka with their mind techniques and so on and so on."
"What would you have said to them?"
The silence hung heavy around him. He tried not to ask direct questions, but he genuinely wanted to know these things and sometimes forgot he was alone.
Hashirama ate a few more treats, staring thoughtfully down at his tea. He took a sip to wash down the sugar.
"I think I'm going to go and catch the other Bijuu." Hashirama yanked his hair back into a loose pony tail. "I know it sounds crazy, but if I catch all of them and hand them out to the other villages then no one will feel like they are defenceless, right?" This was something he had gone back and forth on for a long time. Tobirama was very hesitant about it.
"The Kazekage is becoming restless. They have the least land for agricultural purposes and I keep getting reports about suna shinobi scouting out the borders." The whole thing was deeply troubling. "Do you think they'll try to take our land?"
Hashirama had disagreed with the aggressive way in which Madara approached Iwagakure but then again, they weren't toeing the line...
"I don't want to have to keep everyone in line by force." Hashirama sighed and fell onto his back with his arms splayed at his sides. "I just want Konoha to be able to function and grow in peace. Why can't anyone understand that? The Tsuchikage and the Mizukage are at each other's throats and we are literally right in the middle. If there is a war then Konoha will have to defend itself and I just-." Hashirama swallowed around the growing lump in his throat. He just wanted peace.
"It isn't the same without you." Unexpected anger bubbled within him. "You were supposed to protect the village not run off on 'dreams of the far future' or whatever the fuck you called it!" He turned onto his side, using his arm as a pillow. "Even when you were out there no one ever questioned our strength. Your presence was enough to make people think twice."
Hashirama closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "I don't know what you did while you were gone but...it helped. Some of it did at least." During that time Hashirama would sometimes get reports of Madara lingering around the border, but he had a run on sight order, even for Konoha shinobi and so no one stuck around to see what he was doing.
"Were you protecting us in someway? Maybe you couldn't find it in you to stay in the village, but did you still want to protect your clan? Or me?"
The silence didn't always get to him, but Hashirama was lonely in that tomb by himself.
"I should have intervened and done something to make you feel more at home," the guilt was enormous even after so much time. "I didn't see it and you wouldn't talk to me." His eyes didn't well up with tears anymore, but the cold ache was still there in his chest. "I didn't realize that you were struggling so much." No one did, even Hikaku admitted that.
"Sometimes I wonder if I should have stopped you that night when we talked in the Uchiha shrine," it haunted his dreams often. "it would have been a hell of a fight, but I think that is what you needed. You wanted someone to fight for you, didn't you? After your clan turned their backs...you had no one."
Hindsight was 20/20 and Hashirama hated how blind he had been.
"There are so many things I would have done differently." The warmth of the room and the dreadfully early hour began to lull Hashirama towards a light doze. "Even all the way back to when we met at the river, I would have told Tobirama the importance of what we were trying to do. Maybe you and he would have learned to get along if I brought him with me." Hashirama yawned and nuzzled against his arm.
"You're both stubborn little shits," he smiled and fell asleep imaging the red flush of Madara's face and the scrunch of his nose in distaste at his comment.
"Anija."
Hashirama awoke immediately and turned to see his brother standing over him with his arms crossed.
"Oh shit, how long have I been gone?"
"It's almost nine," Tobirama replied, raising an eyebrow at the table where the two plates and cups were set. He didn't comment on it though, he knew who it was for. "Mito asked me to come get you."
"Right, she is leaving for Uzushiogakure this evening," the blanket fell around his legs as he sat up and stretched his arms above his head. "She wants to take the boys with her." The princess' trips back to her home village were becoming more and more frequent. Those close to them knew that the marriage was merely political and with two children between them there really was no need to linger more than they needed to.
"Alright then, you need to get back." Tobirama stepped forward to help put the things back in the basket. Hashirama stared at the blanket, a little confused where it came from but then shrugged it off, thinking he must've had it in the basket from a previous trip when it was colder. He doesn't remember grabbing it though...oh well, he must've forgot.