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English
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Published:
2022-02-21
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535
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let's just stay inside my vehicle (i can drive wherever let's go)

Summary:

She realized, belatedly, that Fezco had to be sure of himself and his decisions. He wasn't in the business of backpedaling, so he couldn't give a second thought to the other paths that he didn't take.

Notes:

This is just another very short drabble based on what I think is probably going on in Lexi's mind. I hope you enjoy my bit of insight!

Title is from "Antidote" by Orion Sun :)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Lexi has always kind of hated cars. And not because she was scared of them or anything, but because she was scared of what happened in them and the destination they were taking her to.

Gus driving the family home from a party where her mom drunkenly embarrassed herself just so he could scream at Suze for hours on end while Lexi cowered under the covers. Him, once again, strung out on god-knows what driving Cassie and her home from getting ice cream, weaving in and out of the stripes. (He crashed his car into a semi soon after). Driving with Cassie and her mom to the clinic where Cassie made a life-altering decision and Lexi couldn't be there to hold her through it--like Cassie had done for her when their parents got violent downstairs. Feeling pressured to drink in the car before a school dance. Getting into a fight with Cassie over her sloshing beer everywhere while Lexi was driving. (Her sister proceeded to drunkenly bump the steering wheel, and Lexi freaked out, dropping her off at the nearest gas station and telling her to 'call Maddy or something.' Lexi deeply regretted this choice now. It was a catalyst for several major events).

All of this was enough to make Lexi want to ride her bike everywhere she possibly could.

Strangely enough, in February of Junior Year, for once in her life, Lexi didn't feel that fear--and it was because of Fezco. To anyone else, that would probably sound ridiculous because Fez was the kind of person to smoke and drive, but his focus never faltered and he never left the confines of the road stripes. She thought, maybe, weed helped his focus more than hindered it.

She felt safe when Fez was driving, safer than she did even when she was the one in control of the car. There was a certainty about Fez, one bred from years of responsibility on his shoulders. And while Lexi felt sad that he was forced to take so much on so young, she couldn't bring herself to feel bad that he made her feel safe.

It was funny too because Fez sometimes acted shy, unsure, even bumbling around her--like he was suddenly aware that he was also an awkward teenager. But when it came to any serious situation, she trusted him to be sure. He got this steely resolve in his eyes. She'd caught a glance of it, briefly, after he beat up Nate Jacobs on New Years.

She realized, belatedly, that Fezco had to be sure of himself and his decisions. He wasn't in the business of backpedaling, so he couldn't give a second thought to the other paths that he didn't take.

Lexi sort of envied him for that. She always thought about what she could've done differently--how she could've been better. But then she'd look over at him and realize that things wouldn't have ended up this way--him and her together in this beat up old car--if she had done anything differently, and she felt soothed once again. Calm. Safe.

Fezco placed a gentle hand on her knee, and Lexi was ready to put on her play.

Notes:

Comments are encouraged and appreciated! :)