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Stone: Morning all. I just learned that Room Two, Floor Three has its own chat channels. So I made one for us :)
Thorn: OHO
Hound: oh look a channel. How do I turn notifications off?
Thorn: you don’t.
Stone: you don’t want to chat with us, Hound my best friend my old pal my dearest brother?
Hound: not really you guys are boring and I see you every day.
Stone: Sergeant. How dare you speak that way to your commanding officers.
Hound: see this is why. Hound, out.
Thorn: No no no Hound back in. Stone, bring it down a notch. No rank in the chat.
Stone: yes rank in the chat
Thorn: no no rank.
Hound: Fox should decide
Stone: why? He and thire already have a chat with their batch of delinquents.
Hound: because he’s cooler than you
Stone: rank in the chat
Thorn: no
Thorn: I’m adding fox
Stone: DO NOT
Hound: YESSS
[Fox has been added to the chat]
Fox: moaning
Fox: *morning
Fox: fucks
Fox: *folks
Hound: THE HERO RETURNS. Fox, no rank in the chat??
Fox: eyyy I’ll drink to that
Stone: already this well has been poisoned
Thorn: be nice, he’s in recovery
Stone: recovery from what exactly? Where have you been??
Fox: sleepin
Thorn: he’s with the jedi
Stone: why?
Thorn: uh
Hound: jedi boyfriend privileges
Stone: what?
Hound: jedi boyfriend privileges
Stone: elaborate
Hound: Vos
Thorn: Vos
Fox: he keeps bringin me things to eat. Is this a mating ritual for these people?
Stone: you???? fucked Vos?????
Fox: lol
Stone: YOU FUCKED VOS???
Thorn: no take it easy. He wishes he could fuck Vos
Fox: imagine fucking a jedi.
Hound: :3c
Stone: I would rather not.
Fox: too bad I’m doing it for all of us.
Hound: I’m helping
Hound: >:3c
Fox: I got nothin
Hound: they could break a bed
Fox: oh there’s a thought
Stone: I DID NOT MAKE THIS CHANNEL FOR JEDI FUCKING DISCUSSION
Thorn: if not that, then what is it for?
Stone: I’m banning Fox. This is a no Your-Batch Zone.
Fox: awwww baby’s scared of jedi sex
Hound: aww
Stone: you two are insufferable together and it’s not that I’m scared of jedi sex is that I don’t want to imagine any of the generals in such a compromising position
Fox: so you scared yourself is what I’m hearing?
Thorn: you haven’t even fucked your jedi, idk what you’re gloating about.
Fox: MAYBE SO
Hound: ehehehehehehe
Fox: he has only taken my blood
Stone: FOX. Desist. This is how they get you
Fox: he and his brethren keep bringin me fuckin plants. They take my liquids. They give me leaves. More liquids more leaves more liquids more leaves I ask the healer here I ask ‘what’s the deal the fuckin foliage’ and she says to me she says ‘its good for force-sensitive people.’ That’s it.
Stone: useless.
Thorn: yeah :/ not really helpful. I guess that’s the jedi all over.
Stone: tell them to stop taking your blood though, that’s long-neck shit.
Fox: no no they’re not taking it like that.
Fox: they’re running some tests on me
Stone: long-neck shit
Thorn: gotta agree with Stone-face here
Hound: ^^
Fox: no no no they’re not looking for defects. They’re looking for these lil guys
Hound: parasites?
Fox: no
Hound: fungus?
Fox: no what is this, athlete’s foot? No, hound.
Hound: worms
Fox: I need you to picture me and then picture your dog and to tell me all the differences you are noticing
Hound: name’s different
Fox: good start
Fox: no these lil bastards fuck I forgot what they’re called. It’s like a cell count sort of? Hold on lemme ask this lady again
Fox: midicholera.
Hound: the powerhouse of the cell
Thorn: you’ve got shit-water disease???
Stone: fuck no wonder they’re keeping you
Fox: I don’t know if its shit water stuff. it might be. The lady says that the more choleras you got the more force sensitive you are
Hound: woah
Thorn: hold up
Stone: yes can we please rewind?
Fox: no I already forgot what we were talking about to be honest. where is thire?
Thorn: wait Fox, stick with us buddy. Did the jedi say you caught force-sensitivity???
Fox: they didn’t use that word
Stone: which one
Fox: caught
Hound: owo
Hound: OWO
Hound: DUDE. BRO.
Fox: they say its in my blood. In the choleras.
Thorn: NO WAY
Stone: you’re force sensitive????
Fox: p much
Stone: that’s impossible
Fox: yeah that’s what I said and everyone told me that they’re just gonna run the tests to be extra sure.
Stone: kark
Thorn: I’m? Crossing my fingers for you?
Fox: thanks ❤
Fox: Vos thinks that the chancellor is going to kill me if I go back to the senate so a lot hinges on this shit
Stone: I
Thorn: UM
Hound: that’s so cool
Thorn: Where is thire??? Does Thire know about this??
Fox: uh yeah. Embarrassing but like.
Stone: my dread grows with every second of this guy’s typing
Fox: we went into negotiations with the senate and I had a seizure or something and everyone carried me out and held me down in the hallway and I guess I nearly kicked it for good and square and that was familiar to the jedi so they called one of their people and anyways Thire was there for all that.
Thorn: h
Stone: that’s
Hound: man you’re like perfectly sized to fit between Death’s teeth
Fox: yeah I mean. I’m told that’s the force sensitivity thing at work
Hound: dude
Hound: that’s so cool can you bite me and give it to me too?
Fox: ohhh
Thorn: boys we don’t need to play this game
Stone: Can we please go back to the part where the jedi think the chancellor is going to kill you?
Fox: no cause Im not supposed to say that
Thorn: the jedi told you not to say that?
Fox: Vos
Stone: yes of course vos
Hound: yeah...
Thorn: right
Thorn: so
Thorn: does this mean that you’re a jedi now?
Fox: LOL FUCK NO
Thorn: okay just checking
Hound: :3 but could you be?
Fox: no I’m too old even if I’d wanted to
Hound: ó w ò
Hound: that’s too bad
Stone: is it? Is it really??
Hound: yeah he could’ve had a lifesaver
Fox: AHAAHAHA
Thorn: hound
Hound: lifesaver?
Fox: aHAAHA
Hound: damnit lightsaber
Stone: well, this has been the low point of my day. I have a hole of despair that requires my attention. I will speak to none of you ever again, good bye it has not been nice knowing you
Hound: bye stoneeee
Thorn: bye stone
Fox: bye schnookums
Thire: we have a chat!
Stone: how did you get here???
Thire: I opened the chat!
Stone: Hound
Hound: what? I didn’t do anything. I’m just a little man.
Stone: this is for corrie guard command only
Thire: which I am
Stone: HNG
Thire: :D
Thorn: oh hey thire. Stone made this because your batch has their infamous one
Thire: ah yes this is definitely a different atmosphere. There is no ass to be seen.
Fox: I can fix that
Thire: Bly would be proud
Fox: I take it back. can’t give him the satisfaction.
Stone: see this is exactly what I’m talking about. You all just go around typing and leaking little snippets onto the big servers here and there just to take the piss out of the rest of us for not being in your in-group.
Fox: someone’s jealous
Thire: did you want to join our CO channel, Stone?
Stone: no. Everyone knows you all commit crimes against decency there. And I hate CO Cody
Fox: yeah same
Thire: don’t make jokes like that, Fox.
Thire: Kote is misunderstood, Stone.
Stone: he’s a dick is what he is
Thire: he just doesn’t know you very well. Once he knows you’re not one to squeal, he starts to let himself loosen up
Fox: yeah he’s buddied up with Wolffe, though, so you have to get both of their loyalty before you make any real headway on the personality front.
Stone: how tedious
Thorn: Not gonna lie, guys. That sounds like a lot of work for next to no payoff.
Thire: ah
Fox: oh. uh. Not really?
Thire: you have not experienced ride or die Kote
Fox: yeah
Hound: I am listening with my ears and eyes 👀
Fox: Example: he keeps trying to fight this guy CT-5221 at 79s
Thire: for reference, CT-5221 is Fox-sized
Fox: he will not win
Thire: he might win. Every time he gets closer to their table at least.
Fox: this is like a shrimp trying to throw hands with a lion
Hound: CO Cody isn’t that small
Fox: 👁
Thire: oh? you haven’t heard?
Hound: no. tell me.
Fox: Kote’s a short model
Hound: OH NO THAT’S SO CUTE
Stone: wait for real?
Fox: yeah he’s gangly as shit too under that armor. Stopped bulking when he broke rank of Captain.
Thire: he is movable. U_U this is important to the sanctity of our barracks.
Stone: this is why he’s always mad
Thire: he’s not always mad
Fox: he really isn’t
Stone: You two say that because he’s your batchmate
Thire: well yes, but also because it truly is not his greatest personality trait. He’s actually much more like Hound.
Hound: omg??
Fox: yeah Hound with 120x more intensity
Thorn: I am now intrigued
Hound: me and CO Cody are personality twins???
Hound: I am so honored
Fox: no you’re not listening. Put the listening ears back on.
Hound: :3 they’re on
Fox: take everything that you do, right?
Hound: right
Fox: now take every emotion you feel about those things, okay?
Hound: yes okay
Fox: and multiply them by four hundred
Hound: oh wow is this guy mad about caf pots
Fox: yes, now cram all those feelings into a short-model vessel with the expressional range of a tortoise
Hound: ...can we add CO Cody to the chat?
Stone: No.
Hound: WHY NOT??
Stone: because their batch invades everywhere and all you guys are is trouble
Fox: thank you thank you
Thire: we don’t try to be trouble. It just happens to us.
Stone: a likely story
Fox: Bly’s not here. I’m blaming Bly
Thire: good plan
Thorn: I want to feed CO Cody something he hates. Fox. Please. Details.
Thire: ask Ponds
Fox: I’ll ask. be right back.
Thorn: this is the best day of my life.
Fox: being hunted for sport does it for you?
Thorn: I’m finally really living
Hound: yoooo CO Cody is going to fucking KILL you, vod
Thorn: not if he can’t find me
Thire: your hubris is admirable. Wolffe is trying to prevent your imminent demise as we speak
Thorn: I fear no man nor god
Fox: yeah you’re about to experience something that is neither of those things
Thorn: let him try
Thire: on your head be it.
Hound: CO Cody’s on your scent, bro
Thorn: evacuating hiding place 1
Fox: my jaw hurts from watching this
Hound: false alarm, he thinks you’re up somewhere high
Thorn: I AM somewhere high
Hound: oh
Hound: better start running then
Thorn: OH FU
Thorn: CALL YOUR FERAL BROTHER OFF
Fox: mmmmm
Thorn: IM SORRY IM SORRY
Fox: I thought you wanted to experience the true Kote?
Fox: this is very much like how he is in the barracks
Thorn: he’s a fucking monster. I’m going to rot in here in my own shit
Thire: I’m on it
Hound: as;dfasdjf;asdkfasfa
Thorn: is? Is that it?
Hound: he’s so movable
Thire: you’re free to leave. He’s been contained. But please be swift. And no more toy insects in drinking glasses, please.
Thorn: roger roger
Fox: ekekekekeke
Fox: so
Fox: how’s the nose?
Thorn: that man is an abomination. I have never felt so alive. How did the long-necks not realize how fucked his brain is?
Thire: we lied
Fox: we lied so much
Hound: Grizzer yearns for that level of prey drive. Is that his boost system?
Fox: sadly yes
Thire: they wired him to adrenaline instead of praise and its way too late to turn back now. He will chase you to the edge of the galaxy. That’s fun for him.
Fox: its why he and his teapot jedi get on so well. That guy’s a secret thrill junkie too. Their honeymoon is going to be them fighting a monster and jumping into one of them vertical caves right into an underground river.
Thire: they will have passionate relations on the shore, I’m sure.
Fox: pft yeah ‘relations.’ As if Kote knows how to fuck.
Hound: oh aw
Hound: well idk how to do it with a guy, but if he wants some tips for the ladies 👀👌
Thire: you are endlessly fascinating to me, Hound
Hound: thanks it’s all natural
Stone: are you suggesting that you go out and have relations with natborns??
Hound: yeah but do I ask you what you do on your leave days, Commander?
Stone: what if you got someone pregnant?
Hound: ;3 that’d be one cute lil baby
Stone: you aren’t taking this seriously
Hound: oh no I’d take it very seriously. I’d get a baby pack. Wear him around. I’d be a great dad and Grizzer would be the best auntie
Stone: what
Stone: no
Stone: you and the point aren’t even on the same playing field
Hound: I know. I’m on the next level 😉
Fox: hypothetically, how does one fuck a natborn with masculine genitalia?
Thire: just say vos
Fox: I’m not fucking vos
Thire: right you’re talking about Master Koon
Fox: nevermind I’m talking about Vos
Stone: you don’t???
Hound: gotta do some research, don’t worry, I’ve got some holosites.
Fox: thank you for your service
Thire: you seriously went into this complicated jedi dance without knowing how to have intercourse?
Fox: it’s an emotional thing. Trust and endearment and shit. You wouldn’t understand.
Thire: when I think of trust and endearment, I do not think of General Vos
Fox: that’s because he is not endeared by you, nor does he trust you.
Hound: so there’s a whole genre of jedi fucking online but idk if any of these people are actually jedi. Big kink is hair pulling. Maybe that’s your guy? Does he have a ponytail?
Fox: ...no those are the padawans.
Hound: ah
Hound: right so I’m going to adjust the search parameters then
Stone: honestly, how did you make sergeant?
Thorn: he’s actually very good at his job, so shut up Mr. Can’t Remember My Password To Save My Life.
Stone: It’s hyphenated
Thorn: go to hell
Hound: wow, there’s a forum just for people who have fucked jedi in the past. More than you’d expect. They say that safe sex is the way to go and ‘some of those bastards are as kinky as they come.’ Hope that helps.
Fox: it doesn’t. Define kinky.
Hound: oh man
Stone: it’s like role play isn’t it?
Hound: oh man
Hound: that may be a little too much for you, commander. Maybe just stick with learning to give head.
Fox: oh I see
Hound: no. No you don’t. Giving head means oral sex
Fox: OH I SEE
Fox: why is it called head?
Hound: be
Hound: because you give. Your head. For the partner? To fuck?
Fox: gotcha. That does not sound pleasant.
Hound: 😉 don’t knock it til you’ve tried it.
Stone: THIS IS INAPPROPRIATE.
Thorn: just say you’re uncomfortable with your lack of experience and stop making that everyone else’s problem. I’m over here taking notes.
Thire: for all the ladies who won’t have you?
Thorn: 👁_👁
Thorn: pot. Kettle.
Thire: hmmm not quite
Fox: this man refuses to kiss and tell. Our batch has been working on him for years now.
Stone: you people are going to cause mass chaos. There are going to be so many half-clone children with dead fathers.
Hound: I’ll take care of them
Stone: please cease your actions
Hound: Fox, I’m sending you a link. It’s a thorough video. There is a lot of moaning in it, but that’s because it’s sort of part of a kinky thing but ignore that.
Fox: thank you.
Fox: now this is exactly what I require.
Fox: I’m sending it to Kote with no context.
Fox: he has received it.
Fox: he is typing.
Fox: he is still typing.
Thire: did you need to post that in our group channel?
Fox: yes.
Thire: Rex is in that channel.
Stone: wait you let your captains into your chat?
Thire: there are two channels.
Stone: are you fucking serious
Fox: Kote is still typing. I can’t tell if this is positive or negative energy.
Hound: what does the force say?
Fox: to dig in my thumbs
Hound: man that’s so damn cool
Thire: ah. Well. We earned that.
Thorn: ???
Stone: you don’t need to tell us
Hound: you do actually. It’s mandatory. I have to relay it back to the other guys.
Thire: Kote has informed us that his general has already instructed him in these ways.
Stone: HE’S ALREADY HAD SEX WITH HIS GENERAL?
Thire: I don’t know if the sex was successful, but it has certainly happened. It appears that he is put off by the context of this video, however. Hound, am I correct in stating that this is most likely not his kink?
Hound: yep
Hound: I bet his kink is full armored exhibitionism
Fox: nah, they probably get off on just sniffing each other. Or beard combing. Vos has informed me that this video is too advanced for beginners such as myself. He’s offered to demonstrate on Kote’s general some of the techniques he is more agreeable to in this stage of our companionship.
Hound: ohoho
Stone: and you’re okay with that?
Fox: yeah why not?
Stone: ...is this not your guy fucking Kote’s guy?? Isn’t that a thing that people get angry about?
Fox: Kote says that he believes the experience would be informative. If he’s alright with it, then I’m fine. I sure as shit don’t know what I’m doing. I’m over here surrounded by plants, looking at all these diagrams that tell me not a thing.
Stone: but. But. Nothing makes sense with you people.
Hound: buddy I think you’re straight as a pin and plain as sweet cream and that’s okay.
Stone: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN????
Thire: it means that you will have a straightforward and fulfilling sex life if only you encounter someone with a kink for neatness and efficiency. Have no fear. I will help you.
Thorn: wait no, vod. He won’t appreciate it. Help me first.
Thire: Okay, correction: I will help you as soon as I am done helping Thorn.
Hound: you don’t have to help Thorn. I have had at least 12 people ask me if Thorn is gay and/or available.
Thorn: ; w ; really?
Hound: really
Thorn: I’m dabbing tears.
Stone: they probably mistook you for Jek
Thorn: SHUT UP AND LET ME HAVE THIS YOU SCOUNDREL
Thorn: anyways
Thorn: ; w ;
Thire: wonderful. Stone, I am available to support you, now.
Stone: I don’t want it. you’re all going to be court martialed.
Fox: I am back with news that no one asked for
Hound: I asked for it. Please tell me. I asked with telepathy and the message reached you.
Fox: right so A) I’ve got an average amount of midicholeras according to all that blood they took from me. B) if someone with a significant number of midicholeras gets off with someone who has a high number, the result is a what I am told the jedi call a force-gasm.
Fox: and vode. It is something else. Like, supernovas, hand over heart.
Hound: I’m seething. I’m biting. I’m so jealous. I’ve never been more jealous. DAMNIT. Why can’t I have cholera?
Stone: the fact that the guard has not eaten itself already is a miracle and proof of a greater benevolent power watching over us.
Thorn: FORCE-gasm asdfasdjfasfasd
Thire: I am assuming that this is a mental experience?
Fox: yeah kind of. I can’t feel my face yet, it’s fine. I get the sex thing now. That is all. I have no other information for you.
Hound: BITE ME
Stone: It doesn’t work like that, you idiot
Fox: It might
Thire: let us not discover this without antiseptic on hand.
Thorn: hey has anyone seen Badger? Caf is an angel as per usual, but I can’t find the evil counterpart. He’s not in any of his usual drawers or shredding paper in the bins.
Stone: this is why we shouldn’t have animals on base
Hound: Don’t worry
Hound: I will find him.
Thorn: we don’t need yours and especially not Grizzer’s help with this one, my friend. That is what we call ‘counterproductive.’
Hound: I will find him.
Thorn: stand down, sergeant
Fox: WHERE IS MY CHILD
Stone: ah. The situation we were avoiding has arrived.
Fox: WHERE IS MY CHILD WHERE IS MY CHILD WHERE IS MY CHILD WHERE
Thire: I don’t mean this in a negative way at all, but ever since we learned of Fox’s condition, a great number of puzzle pieces have fallen into place.
Fox: I FOUND CAF
Thorn: yeah it’s kind of wild that we never connected the dots before, huh?
Stone: is this a jedi thing?
Fox: IM GOING TO SOB. IM HEAVING. IM GOING TO PUKE.
Thire: for the sake of brevity: yes.
Fox: I FOUND HIM. Okay okay everyone can carry on now.
Stone: weird. What else does he do that is jedi-like?
Thorn: laser focus
Hound: always picks the cup with the dice in it
Thorn: can locate clankers through snow
Thire: can find his way back to civilization without a compass
Thire: he may have visions
Thire: fox do you have visions?
Fox: what
Thire: no, he does not have visions. Ignore that.
Fox: I don’t do any of this shit.
Hound: yeah you do. You just don’t notice it.
Fox: I didn’t ask for this.
Thire: no no, we’re not saying that you did. It’s just interesting to see a person straddling the line between jedi and trooper.
Fox: I want out from under this microscope. I’m slamming doors until you let me go.
Thire: you are free to leave as you wish
Fox: thank you. I may die today by the way. I’ve got to go see the Chancellor.
Thire: you won’t die, that’ll make his stance with the jedi far too obvious.
Fox: you say that but you aren’t the one walking into the krayt den. Thorn, promise me you will raise the boys if I perish.
Thorn: I will raise them with my whole heart.
Stone: you’ve only had the cats for a week and already you’re like this?
Hound: it’s the choleras 😔
Thire: you and Grizzer bonded in hours
Hound: oh right
Fox: didn’t die.
Thire: glad to hear it!
Thorn: huzzah
Fox: he definitely knows though. I think he may have known the whole time.
Stone: that makes my teeth hurt
Thire: I wonder if he was saving you for something. If he did know, I mean. I wonder if he wanted you close to him for a reason.
Fox: I’m 99.9% sure he did. Which is really doing some good shit for my self esteem over here.
Hound: NOOOOO you’re one of the best of us, vod. You’re a star. You don’t need to be full of jedi juice for you to be worthy of your rank
Thorn: friend.
Fox: HOUND
Thorn: Friend, I know you’re trying to be helpful.
Thire: screenshotted. Submitted to the batch channel.
Thorn: but maybe lets not phrase it that way ever again please.
Fox: PLEASE
Hound: ; w ; okayyyyy I don’t know why you’re
Hound: nevermind I see it now
Hound: ...okay but it still stands
Fox: No one speak to me, I have to find bleach to bathe in
Thorn: thank you, Sergeant. Your work here is done.
Stone: this is why rank should always be present
Thire: amazing work everyone. I’m glad we’ve really settled into our roles here.