Chapter Text
It wasn't supposed to be like this. Razara knew, and she still couldn't stop herself. The fight with Zodiark left her feeling drained, those familiar walls she protected herself with crumbled when she looked into the face of the woman she came to care for so much. Y'shtola was just being nice, and was just checking up on her friend. Friend.
The elezen woman softly sighed, nodding her head and forcing a smile... Even if she knew Y'shtola couldn't see it. She was sure her fangs were showing, but she knew none of the other Scions cared after what happened on the First. It was no secret that the Warrior of Light was of Ishgardian heritage, even less so that the visual reminders of the corruption of the light left her with-
A soft touch on Razara's scarred cheek made her ears perk up in surprise. Unseeing—and yet all-seeing—eyes were looking at her. When had Y'shtola gotten so close? Was she so deep in thought that she didn't even feel the miqote woman approach? "Where were you just now?" Y'shtola asked. The words were so incredibly soft, so much softer than Razara had ever heard her speak before. No, she had heard it... That night in Amaurot. Before that thrice-damned kiss, before she fell asleep sprawled atop the sorceress' smaller body.
"I..." Razara trailed off, her mouth felt dry, her throat tightening. Oh, she was going to cry, wasn't she? "I was just... turning in for the night," she finished awkwardly. "Surprised me when you showed up unannounced. Don't have it that 'Master Matoya' often gives one a private audience, after all." She tried to joke, but Y'shtola frowned. A knot formed at the pit of her stomach, even more so when that soft hand left her cheek.
"Master Matoya, mh? I admit, I have not heard you use that name in quite some time." Y'shtola's voice betrayed concern. "Are you quite sure you are well?" Razara turned, long ears slowly drooping lower with each passing second. "Yeah, don't worry about it," The Warrior replied. "I'll be fine. You know that, 'Shtola. Was there something else that you needed?" She was too scared to turn back around, too scared to face her. The door closed after a long, silent moment. She was sure her fellow Scion had left. Of course she would leave.
Until slender arms wrapped around her midriff, making her freeze where she stood. "I need you to be honest with me. Please." Yshtola's warm words, with her body pressing into Razara's back made her shiver. By the gods, she missed being held like this. She hadn't even realized how much time it's been without the smallest touch.
"I am aware that honesty about what you think and feel is still foreign to you," Y'shtola chided. "But... Could you try? For the Scions..." If the Ishgardian woman wouldn't have had such excellent hearing, the whispered "for me" would have fallen away into silence. And it made her face heat up. Friends. They were friends. Nothing more... Right? By the Twelve, she was bad at this. Carefully, hesitantly, Razara's own hand found Y'shtola's. She wouldn't dare touch her with that cursed metal arm. No, that one hung uselessly at her side.
Even months after what Zenos did to her, the feeling of the metal and the aether-forged connection was alien. A stark reminder of why this bloodthirsty monster had to be stopped for good. "I am scared," she admitted. It slipped. She hadn't meant to say that. She meant to joke, to ease the worries of her friend. Not... This. "When Zenos was in my body, I..." Razara started, and closed her mouth so quickly her teeth clacked together. Immediately, she tasted blood. Bugger, she'd bitten her own tongue. "I was so scared..."
Moments of crawling through the snow in that broken body flashed behind her eyes. Trying to reach the camp before Zenos, feeling helpless, hurting... So very broken. The only thing that kept her going was the images of her friends. Her small, makeshift family —murdered, by her own hands. The memory of Zenos, of her own face smirking back at her as if to rub it in. The terror she had felt before the world faded to black. A broken sob shook her own body, making her alarmed to realize she had started to cry.
And that she wasn't alone, even though the hold of the shorter woman slowly left her. Of course it would leave her. Who in their right mind would want to be near such a broken thing? "Sit with me?" The elezen woman was sure had imagined this. No way in all the seven hells was Y'shtola, the genius Archon Y'shtola, walking over to the bed and elegantly sitting down on it. "I would very much like to hold you... While being able to actually reach your head comfortably," Y'shtola smirked. The strangled noise of confusion that left the Warrior's throat would have been embarrassing in any other situation, but at this moment, just standing there in this unfamiliar room with her softly smiling friend on this unfamiliar bed...
"I promise I won't overstep your boundaries," The sorceress softly said. "I won't touch you where you won't allow it." She should've hated how easy it was, to walk over there, to all but flop down next to the shorter woman and just press her face into this delicate-yet-strong shoulder. She should resent how easily her body relaxed, how easily she accepted the touch of these soft hands on the back of her neck. Letting someone so emotionally close to her... She should despise it. Yet it felt like salvation.
"It is quite all right not to be strong all the time," The miqote reminded her. "You don't have to be strong all the time. To smile all the time. To pretend everything is fine." The sobs were coming more frequently at this point. Gods, she was ruining this stupidly beautiful dress of the sorceress. But she just couldn't stop herself. "I'm sorry," Her guilt flooded out. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop him in the first place. I'm sorry I put you all in harm's way. I'm so sorry..." She sobbed. Nay, bawled her eyes out, rather.
Through all of it, the sorceress only silently held her. Warm hands caressing shaking shoulders, the back of her head so tenderly that her heart ached with feelings she swore to ignore, and yet was never truly able to. She had no idea how long she just spent crying, only that it left her so incredibly tired. Leaning fully on Y'shtola should have bothered it. It should've bothered her that she was so weak in front of her friend. But at this moment... This moment, everything felt right. Just existing. Not being the Warrior of Light, being a primal slayer, a larger-than-life kind of person.
Just... Just being Razara, an orphan-turned-assassin from Ishgard. "Thank you," the words left Razara's lips like a prayer. A soft touch on top of her head made her ears twitch. Did Y'shtola just... kiss her head? "You don't have to put on a brave face all the time," A small pause. "We love you for your faults and all. I..." The warrior heard the breath of the miqote hitch for a moment before she continued. "I adore you for who you are." She made a snorting sound in the back of her throat out of bitterness towards herself.
"Say that again when I failed to stop the calamity," she spat. It escaped her lips before she could stop herself, only to feel a hand under her chin and come face-to-face with her stern Archon. "We all would walk to the end of the world with you," Y'shtola countered. You are not alone in stopping the calamity. It is not your sole responsibility. Nay, you will do what you can, like you always do." Again, this pulled in her chest. Oh gods, she was glad Y'shtola couldn't see her tear-streaked face. Or the way her eyes would shift every now and then to her oh-so-soft looking lips.
"How can you be so sure, Shtola..." Razara murmured. The miqote just smiled, before leaning in, making her heart stop for a second. But instead of feeling those lips against her own, they pressed against her forehead. She cringed inwardly about how Y'shtola surely would feel the scars there. But all she got was a soft smile. "Because, my dear warrior, I know you," The confidence with which the sorceress spoke almost got her to believe her in an instant. "And I know you will stop at nothing to make sure Eorzea, along with all the shards, continues to exist."
"And if you need a shoulder to lean or cry on along the way, I will be here. You will never be alone again. We are with you," she smiled. "Whether you want it or not, you stubborn woman." Razara was used to bullshitting her way through situations with fake charisma and smiles. But in this room, right now, she was speechless. Even more so when those soft lips made contact with her cheek before the miqote leaned back, perfectly calm and collected despite her actions. Yet... Razara was able to hear this rapidly beating heart in her chest.
"I... I adore you quite a lot as well," was all she was able to blurt out, which made those fluffy ears perk up parallel to silver eyebrows. "Is that so..." Y'shtola murmured. Razara had to chuckle at the blatant surprise in her voice. It felt good, this whole moment. Being with her. "Thank you, Shtola." The warrior murmured again. "Didn't know I needed to bawl my eyes out that badly." Making light jokes was good. She was good with that. The missing laughter that followed, however, left her ears sinking low. She felt insecurity creep into her thoughts. Like a teenager trying to impress her crush, but said crush was so much smarter than her, and-
"I heard you, you know," Y'shtola said suddenly. "The night in camp Broken Glass. I came looking for you, and... It felt improper to simply reach out for you, and hold you like I am now. I wish I would have known back then what ghosts have haunted you so. I wouldn't have hesitated like I did then." The smaller woman stopped herself to let out a tense breath. "Pray forgive me for lacking the courage to approach you and leaving you alone with your fears." It was Razara's turn to lay her hand on the cheek of her companion and softly caress her with her thumb.
How could she apologize for wanting to be respectful? She had never been anything but. Respecting the Ishgardian's boundaries and walls. Sometimes simply sitting with her and drinking tea while Razara sharpened her axe. Y'shtola had never asked why the Warrior of Light would seek her out in the middle of the day and simply spend her time idling around in the library with her, despite her claims of hating to read. She would just give her a soft smile, and equally gentle touch to the forearm or knee, and enjoyed the offered company in silence.
"You wanting to give me space is nothing to apologize for," The elezen woman began to awkwardly sputter. "You... You are here now, which..." She felt her face heat up. By the twelve, she could bed a woman with ease, make her writhe in pleasure with her face buried between her thighs like it was nothing. But telling Y'shtola that she liked her company made her stumble over her words like a lovestruck fool? Ah. A smile slowly spread across her face as she realized the anxiety she felt was because she was scared of losing this woman. Of scaring her away. Of caring for her as more than a friend.
"You are here now, and I... I really like that," Razara stumbled to express these feelings. "Being with you... here... right now..." Her ears twitched as this little sound started, a low rumble. Her eyes darted around in worry, only to settle on Y'shtola's chest. Y'shtola who an adorable blush over her cheeks and nose as that rumbling sound got louder. Slowly but surely, Razara realized what the sound was. Purring. Y'shtola Rhul was purring. Her heart swelled with absolute affection when this smaller woman buried her face into the crook of her neck and uttered a low, "You sap."
The purring evened out in volume and vibrated against the warrior's own chest, making her beam with joy. So Y'shtola was maybe open to return these feelings. Maybe even shared them all. Razara's ears twitched as she felt the soft tail of her companion caress over her arm, and curled loosely around it. "Will you... spend the night here?" She finally asked. A tense moment of silence filled the room, before she felt the nod against her neck, and smiled. She felt giddy at the prospect of spending more than five minutes with this precious woman.
"I would enjoy that very much," Y'shtola replied softly. For a few moments longer, they simply sat there. Holding each other while the purring filled the silence, before the Warrior of Light finally got up and went to her wardrobe, handing the miqote some spare clothes of hers which, to no surprise, were too big for her. But made her look so utterly cute... It made Razara's heart beat faster when she saw her after they had changed. The sorceress always appeared stunning in the warrior's eyes, but in this too-big shirt and loose shorts, she looked absolutely adorable.
When Y'shtola laid down onto the bed and all but sprawled out on it, stretching and yawning, she simply couldn't keep her eyes off her. Having this woman in her bed made her warm, nervous, and determined not to mess this up. She had Ryne sleep in her bedroll before in the Empty, when she had a nightmare and the elezen was the only one awake to comfort her. But the half-lidded look she got from Y'shtola after a whispered, "Come here," was definitely nothing like what happened with Ryne in the First. Definitely not.
Were such looks exchanged between friends? She ignored the tingle that went down her spine before she cleared her throat, much to Y'shtola's amusement, if the lazily moving tip of her tail on the bed sheets was anything to go by. Without putting any more thought into it, Razara strode over to the bed and just flopped down onto it. Laying on her back next to the miqote, who immediately sought out her hand and intertwined their fingers together, bringing them close to her chest before curling up into herself, and smiling at the warrior.
"I really do adore you, Razara." Soft lips kissing her knuckles and taking her breath away. Nothing, no situation she had ever had before, had felt so... intimate. "I... I adore you as well," Razara replied. It was a simple whisper, but it still got a smile out of the sorceress, who cuddled up to her side, and let the hand that wasn't busy holding hers rest on Razara's stomach, giving her goosebumps at the sudden touch. Oh, how she admired this woman.
She would punch gods in the face to keep her safe. Yeah, she would do anything to keep her safe and sound. To keep them all safe, no matter what it took, no matter what she had to do. Unbeknownst to them, the flower on Razara's nightstand glowed a soft red as they finally gave into the pull of sleep while holding onto each other.