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The first petals come with the first memories, crawling up Choso’s throat as he remembers Yuuji. He remembers his brother, a hundred different moments that are burned into him. When he thinks of forgetting him he wants to be sick. It isn’t just Choso’s mind that remembers Yuuji.
Choso’s body remembers him. There is the phantom sensation of Yuuji’s fingers laced with his, and the echo of the sound of Yuuji’s laugh in his thoughts. There is Yuuji warm in his arms as they share a futon, their other brothers somewhere nearby. Choso cannot see them in his memories, but he can feel them in his blood. Yuuji has been singing songs to Choso since the moment he was born.
Yuuji has always been there and Choso forgot. Yuuji died because Choso left him alone in the world.
Choso had tried to kill him; thinking about it makes him retch. He flees and tucks himself away somewhere he can close his eyes and try to remember the things he knows are true. Away, away.
He just has to get away. He remembers his mother the way people remember ghosts they see in snatches in the halls at night. She is facing the wrong direction and he cannot see her eyes. There is blood on the bottom of her kimono.
His ears are ringing. Choso sits in an empty corner of Shibuya with his head in his hands and his heart pounding so hard it hurts. He does not know himself.
He does not know anything.
Choso coughs up a handful of bright yellow petals into a hand that will not stop shaking, and does not know what it means. It aches a little in his chest. There is the faint taste of blood but that is okay.
Blood is strength. Choso swallows around it and finds his feet. Finds his purpose.
Then, he goes to find his brother.
-
It is only Choso, Yuuji, and Okkotsu now. They got separated from the others, but there is nowhere to go but with Yuuji, and so Choso goes. The school isn’t far away, they say, but now Tokyo is crawling with curses and transfigured humans and everything is far away. It’s dark, and Choso can tell Yuuji is exhausted, so they find an empty storage building and barricade themselves inside to take turns sleeping.
Choso does not sleep much. He isn’t sure if he needs it at all, at least when he hasn’t been fighting, but Yuuta is keeping watch and Choso cannot resist the lure of his brother, warm and close and resting. He wraps himself around Yuuji without thinking. Yuuta doesn’t spare them a glance, and why should he, when he first found them fighting side by side.
Yuuji smells like home. Having his brother in his arms quiets something in Choso that has been restless.
Yuuji is here, and no one can take him. Yuuta is strong enough that Choso isn’t afraid to let his guard down, so he buries his face in Yuuji’s hair and drifts to sleep.
Sleep, or something like it.
-
It’s a nightmare that wakes him, but not his own. Yuuji is shifting in his arms, making noises in his sleep that sound painful. He does not like to think of the kinds of things that Yuuji might see in his dreams when he is sharing a body and mind with Sukuna. Choso holds Yuuji tighter and nuzzles into his throat beneath his ear, drawing on his cursed energy even though there is no threat.
“Yuuji,” he says softly, rubbing his palm in circles over Yuuji’s chest. “It’s okay, Yuuji.”
Choso does not know if that’s the truth, but he will do everything in his power to make it so. Yuuji startles awake all at once, tensing as though he is ready for a fight, but then relaxing when he realizes where he is and who has him.
It is probably the exhaustion that has him sagging back against Choso in relief, but he will take what he can get.
“We don’t have to sleep like this,” Yuuji mumbles, but doesn’t try to get away. He is already drifting again.
“Please let me,” Choso says, because he is not afraid to beg.
Not when it is Yuuji. Not when he is everything to Choso.
Yuuji doesn’t say anything, but he lays his hand over Choso’s and pats it a couple of times before falling still. When he is tired, Yuuta is supposed to wake Yuuji up, but he wakes Choso instead.
Choso gives him a grateful nod and takes up the watch, and lets Yuuji sleep. He coughs up more petals into his fist, rubbing them between his fingers. Choso doesn’t understand what is happening, or why, but he knows looking at the pile of soft yellow in his palm makes him feel like pressing his mouth to Yuuji’s so he can breathe again.
Yuuta sees them and there is something unfathomable in his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything.
He touches the ring on his hand, and goes to sleep.
-
There are memories he does not tell Yuuji about. It doesn’t feel like the kind of thing he can say out loud, when they are so exposed. They are words that need time to unfurl. He needs to find the shape of them on his tongue first. Choso remembers running his mouth along the line of Yuuji’s throat. Choso remembers the sting of Yuuji’s teeth.
Choso remembers burying his face between Yuuji’s thighs to taste him.
Choso remembers everything.
The next time the flowers come they’re stained orange in places. Choso only knows it is his blood, and not the color, because he can pull it out of the petals. It hurts more to cough them up, but it feels like something inevitable. Throwing them away feels irreverent somehow, so Choso tucks them away into his clothes.
Yuuji is so peaceful when he sleeps. Nothing can truly be wrong as long as he is safe at Choso’s side. Yuuta is watching out for them, and so Choso lets himself rest.
-
Things get hectic. There are more curses around than any of them expect, and they cannot just go straight back to the school without risking the safety of everyone there. There are sorcerers chasing them, too; they slink through the streets of Tokyo and fight off stray Zen’in and assassins sent by the jujutsu elders and even an unfamiliar Kamo who is stunned to see Choso using their family’s technique just before he uses it to cut them down.
They may be his blood, but they are not his brother.
Yuuji is even more impressive now that he’s a little less worn down. They aren’t doing great— being on the run from curses and sorcerers alike is tiring, but it isn’t as tiring as fighting Noritoshi’s crew, and so they have more room to breathe. Yuuta is happy to pick up their slack considering he escaped Shibuya mostly unscathed compared to the rest of them, and his loyalty to Yuuji is evident, so he Choso get along just fine.
Yuuta and Yuuji are eating pilfered cup ramen in an abandoned konbini when the flowers come again. They’re sitting on the floor behind the counter, out of sight of anyone or anything that might stumble past. Choso is watching Yuuji make conversation with Yuuta— they’re talking about his sword, and Rika, and the kinds of things they can do in a fight. Yuuji is all earnest questions and wide-eyed curiosity. There is no fear of Rika or Yuuta in him, even after being held in place and killed by them, if only for a moment.
Yuuji is so perfect that Choso has to breathe through the feeling; then he starts coughing, covering his mouth with his palm and trying his best to muffle the sound. It’s the longest coughing spell so far, and Yuuji and Yuuta are both watching him with their brows raised wearing worried expressions.
“You okay?” Yuuji asks, reaching for a half-empty bottle of water and holding it out in offering.
Choso spits a mouthful of yellow into his palm, the specks of blood more pronounced. They’ve been ducking pursuers and cutting a serpentine path back to the school for days now. Yuuji looks shocked, like he’s been struck all of a sudden.
Yuuta looks sad, like he feels sorry for Choso.
“Choso?” Yuuji asks as Choso rubs the petals between his fingers.
“I wish you wouldn’t call me that,” Choso replies thoughtlessly, tucking the newest petals into his pocket with the rest. Some of them are dried now, others wilting.
Yuuji is staring when he looks up again.
“Nii-san,” Yuuji says, and Choso can’t help the way he smiles, or the pink in his cheeks. He wants to close his eyes and sink into it. “How long has that been happening?”
Choso is confused, but he realizes Yuuji is looking at the streaks of blood on his palm and frowns.
“Since I remembered you,” he answers easily. Yuuji and Yuuta look at each other, Yuuji wearing a look that Choso can’t decipher. “What does it mean?”
Yuuta furrows his brows.
“You don’t know about lovesickness, Choso-san?”
Choso shrugs, drawing the blood off of his skin and swirling the droplets in the air.
“I don’t know about a lot of things.” It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t need to know everything; Yuuji is here with him, and Choso can learn. “What is lovesickness?”
Yuuji is looking at Yuuta sort of helplessly. Choso doesn’t know why they both seem so confused.
“Lovesickness is a curse that manifests in sorcerers and curse users who are in love with someone, and don’t believe the person loves them back. If the emotional attachment is intense enough they start coughing up flower petals. It can be fatal eventually, but it takes a long time.” Yuuta cocks his head to the side. “Who are you in love with, Choso-san?”
Choso looks at Yuuji.
“I only love my brothers,” he says, and watches Yuuji wince. Yuuta screws up one side of his face for a moment, as though he is considering his words.
“It usually only happens with… non-familial love,” Yuuta says, and Choso looks at him and tries not to seethe.
“Are you telling me the way I love my brothers is wrong?” Choso asks. His blood is alive and ready to yield; it does not understand that this is Choso’s ally.
Yuuta holds up both hands in surrender, waving them back and forth.
“No, no, no! Just… there’s nobody else? You’ve met some other people right? You’ve been working with… whoever is inside Geto-san, before you remembered Yuuji?”
It’s clear he didn’t mean any offense, so Choso looks away again, watching the droplets of blood he is twisting idly through the air.
“There is only Yuuji,” Choso says, because it is that simple.
Yuuji looks much more serious now. Choso wishes he had not seen him coughing up the flowers if it was going to upset him this much. He’ll be more careful in the future. Yuuji does not need to worry about Choso.
“Hey,” Choso says, and Yuuji meets his eyes, shoulders rounded and unhappiness radiating off of him. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.”
Maybe a death painting womb can die of this curse just like a man can, but Choso doubts it will be so fast that he cannot get Yuuji safely back to the school first. For now that’s all that matters but Yuuji doesn’t look convinced.
He tries to take first watch but Choso insists, and so Yuuji tries to get some rest. Yuuta is up well before his turn.
Choso lays down behind Yuuji and wraps him up tight; Yuuji is not sleeping.
He laces their fingers together and holds Choso’s hand.
-
There are less curses and more assassins as they get closer to the school. This means the fights are harder, but they come at predictable times at least, in predictable places. Yuuji no longer shies away from Choso’s affection— he will let Choso sit close to him. Will let Choso put an arm around his shoulders and pull him into a hug. They sleep together. Take their watches together.
If Yuuji is awake, Choso will be, too. If Yuuji is asleep, Choso will be beside him. He keeps coughing up fistfuls of bright yellow. Keeps spitting blood on the ground in between bouts of coughing.
They are lying together in the dark, Choso burying his face in Yuuji’s hair and breathing in the scent of him. They’re both filthy from fighting, but Choso doesn’t care. It is Yuuji.
“I don’t understand,” Yuuji whispers, tilting his head as Choso drags his nose down Yuuji’s throat. “You don’t even know me.”
It hurts to hear. It isn’t true.
“You don’t remember. It’s not your fault. You don’t need to feel guilty about the things you feel, or don’t feel. The things you remember, or don’t remember.”
Yuuji is shaking. Choso holds him tighter.
“If the things you remember are true, it means I don’t know who I am.”
Choso kisses him under his jaw.
“If the things I remember are lies, it means I don’t know anything at all.”
They breathe in time with each other, and it doesn’t matter if everything Choso remembers is a lie. Yuuji is here, and that is the truth.
-
When they get back to the school, Choso’s coughing is worse. On the way to see Tengen, Choso takes a moment to talk to his brothers. They’re just on the other side of a thin door, waiting for him. He wonders if they will remember Yuuji when they wake, or if he will have to remind them about their brother.
He wonders if Yuuji will remember by then. If he will ever remember.
The others go on ahead and leave Yuuji and Choso behind to take a minute. Choso lays his palm against the door, Yuuji standing a few feet behind him with his fists clenched. The itch in his throat overtakes him, and he coughs up a new pile of bloody petals— more red than yellow, this time.
More blood than flowers.
“Choso,” Yuuji says, and Choso closes his eyes, but Yuuji catches himself. “Nii-san,’ Yuuji says, and Choso turns to look at him, brows raised in question. “Why?”
Choso looks at the mess in his palm, tucking it away in his pocket like a prize and shrugging again. They have been over this again and again. Choso does not know what more Yuuji expects him to say.
“I love you. I think if you remembered us, you would love me, too, but it’s okay that you don’t. I still love you, Yuuji.”
Yuuji grabs his hand and pulls it out, looking at the smears of blood on his skin.
“You could die from this.”
It’s an accusation, but Choso doesn’t know what he’s done.
“I just wanted to get you home, away from Noritoshi. It doesn’t matter what happens to me now, as long as I kept you safe.”
Choso doesn’t know what he expects, but it is not what happens next. Yuuji takes a hesitant step forward and lays his hands on either side of Choso’s face, dragging his thumb across Choso’s mouth.
“I’m sorry,” Yuuji says again. “About your brothers.” He didn’t need to apologize the first time, and he doesn’t need to apologize now.
“Our brothers, but I told you not to worry about that. You’re my brother too. You don’t have to ask for my forgiveness. You didn’t understand what you were doing, or who you were. The rest of our brothers will understand, too. Wait and see.”
Yuuji looks like he wants to cry. Choso doesn’t know what he said to upset him again.
Then Yuuji leans into Choso’s space and kisses him, the gentlest press of their lips, his fingers in Choso’s hair. When he pulls back his eyes are alight.
“I don’t deserve this,” Yuuji says. Choso frowns and tilts his head to the side in confusion.
“I don’t care what you deserve. You’re my brother.”
Choso knows how strong Yuuji is, but when he pulls his brother into his arms, he feels like he’s made of glass. They stand there like that for a long time, Yuuji’s face buried in Choso’s chest, Choso’s fingers in his hair.
“Fuck. Okay, let’s catch up with the others.”
He does not care about the others, but he nods, and follows Yuuji.
-
They speak to Tengen, and Choso agrees to stay with Yuki and help protect the temple. The others will be leaving soon— Yuuji, Yuuta, and Megumi have work to do to save Gojo and Tsumiki. Yuuji cares, and so Choso cares.
Yuuji is the last to leave, lingering behind as the others head out. He’s looking at Choso like they’re never going to see each other again.
Like he will be upset about it. Like Choso matters to him.
“I’ll come back,” Yuuji says, and it sounds like a promise.
“Please be careful,” Choso says, smiling. “I’ll miss you, Yuuji.”
When Yuuji kisses him the second time, it is nothing like the first. It is heated, and furious, and Choso feels something unwinding in his stomach that will not be settled until Yuuji returns.
There are no more petals in his mouth, or in his palm.
When Yuuji finally comes back to the school, he finds Choso, first.