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Tobio was warm and comfortable. There were arms everywhere, wrapped around his waist and pillowed under his head and sprawled across his hips. Hands rested on his pelvis and his collar bone, hair tickled his nose, the scent of satisfaction hung heavy in the air. He closed his eyes and started to drift back to sleep.
He had almost made it when there was movement to his left and all at once the arm under his head jerked away. His eyes snapped open to take in just who he was in bed with.
"What the fuck?" Kindaichi cried. Kunimi, on Tobio's other side, stirred and made a displeased noise.
"Come back here, Yuu," he mumbled, reaching out blindly for Kindaichi, who reared back so far he fell off the bed with a loud and painful-sounding thud. Tobio lay very still, his eyes closing and his chest heaving, hoping when he opened his eyes again, it would be to his own ceiling and this would turn out to be a bad dream. A wonderful, incredible, exhilarating, bad dream.
But when his eyes peeled open, they landed on Kunimi, staring down at him with an unfamiliar sleepy concern. Oh god, he was going to be so angry when he realized what Tobio had been thinking, had been dreaming, he and Kindaichi would hate him even more than they ever had, and they had just gotten back to being sort-of-friends and now Tobio had ruined all of that and-
"Tobio."
Kunimi's voice was a lifeline and Tobio clung to it with all his might.
"Tobio, sweetheart, it's okay," Kunimi said. "It's okay, just take a deep breath for me, okay?"
Those were panic attack words. He was having a panic attack. Okay, he could deal with this. Even Kindaichi wasn't cruel enough or wounded enough to hurt Tobio when he was in this state.
Several deep breaths and an ocean of silence later, Tobio came back to himself. He closed his stinging eyes and scrubbed at his wet cheeks and took one more breath. Then he opened them again and looked at Kunimi.
"Why am I naked?" He asked meekly. Kindaichi let out a squawk and Kunimi glared at him.
"Please tell me one of you remembers last night," he said.
"Why are you naked?" Tobio asked, growing more and more concerned.
"Oh my god," Kunimi cried, falling back onto the bed. He was, indeed, entirely naked, and though Kageyama desperately wanted to, now was not the time to take in the glorious view. He averted his eyes, only to land on Kindaichi, also naked, sitting with his legs pulled together and his arms crossed over his chest on the floor.
"Why are we all naked?" Tobio insisted.
"Why do you think?" Kunimi muttered. "You really don't remember a thing, do you?"
Tobio tried. There had been a club, a serendipitous meeting, some dancing and some drinking. There had been some friendly banter, some relief that they weren't still mad at him, that they were willing to be his friends. Then-
Nothing.
"I remember dancing," he said a little helplessly.
"Yeah, that's about what I remember too," Kindaichi said. Kunimi muttered something about lightweights and how he needed new people before he sat up and looked Tobio in the eye, then Kindaichi.
"We're naked because we had sex," he said. "At the club, we all decided it was time to go home and have some private time. You two idiots kept giggling and making out in the back seat of the cab, so I brought us here. And then you jumped me. Together. Any of this ringing a bell?"
"How drunk were we?" Kindaichi muttered.
"I didn't think you were drunk enough to not remember," Kunimi said. "And besides, I was pretty trashed too. Not my fault neither of you can hold it together."
"Look, I should go," Tobio said, wanting desperately to get out before either of them started hating him again. His head was killing him and he needed to pee, but there were more important things to take care of. "I promised Suga-san I would meet him for lunch today, and it looks like it's almost lunch time already," he lied. He scrambled out of the bed and started locating his clothes in the trail leading between the bedroom and the door. Kunimi said something, but Tobio was already tugging on his shoes and storming out the door.
Once outside, the sun was blinding, the noise was deafening, the press of people was suffocating. But at least he was away from Kunimi and Kindaichi and the horrific storm that was sure to come his way. Lie or no, Sugawara really was the first person he could think of to go to, the only person he could think of that would know how to fix this. He pulled his phone out of his pocket. Dead. Well, Sugawara had said he was welcome any time. Tobio figured now was as good a time as any to test that out.
Hinata answered the door, looking chipper and bright and obnoxious as he always did. He glared at Tobio.
"What do you want?" He snipped. Finally, there was someone who treated him the way he expected.
"Move it, dumbass, I'm here to talk to your boyfriend." Hinata shrugged and let him in. He ruffled Hinata's hair as he passed, an idle and comforting motion born of their years as best friends.
"Koushi isn't here right now," Hinata said, "but you're welcome to wait for him. He went to the store, so he shouldn't be more than, like, three and a half hours."
"That's a joke, right?" Tobio asked. "Because I really need to-" Th door opened. "Oh thank god."
"I'm home," Sugawara called, toeing off his shoes and looking up with a grin. "What brings you here, Kageyama?"
"Suga-san, I need your help," Tobio gushed.
"Okay," Sugawara said, his face suddenly serious. "Shouyou, can you put the frozen foods away?" He handed the bag to a nodding Hinata and walked into the living room. "Come here, Kageyama, and tell me what's going on."
Embarrassment suddenly caught up with Tobio. He didn't exactly want to tell his senpai - and by extension his best friend - about a drunken one-night stand with his mortal-enemies-turned-sort-of-friends-slash-hopeless-crushes. He didn't want to admit that he was the kind of person who even had drunken one-night stands. But if he tried to lie to Sugawara, it would only come out in the end, and the process would be all the more painful for the delay.
"I woke up in bed with Kunimi and Kindaichi this morning," he said at last. There was a crash and a squawk from the kitchen. Sugawara glared in Hinata's direction, then turned back to Tobio.
"Did you sleep with them?" He asked calmly.
"Apparently? I don't remember it, but we were naked, and Kunimi says we did." There was another squawk.
"You slept with Kindaichi and Kunimi?" Hinata cried, vaulting over the counter and rocketing toward the living room. "Why?"
"Fuck if I know," Tobio cried.
"Wait, wait, Shouyou shut up for a second," Sugawara said. "Kageyama, what do you mean by 'apparently'? Do you not remember?"
"I don't remember anything other than dancing with them at the club last night," he said.
"Why were you even dancing with them in the first place?" Hinata babbled.
"I don't know!" Tobio cried. "I was drunk! They were there, and they seemed to want to dance with me! I don't know!"
"Okay, okay, it's all right," Sugawara said. "It was stupid, but it's over now. I used to have one-night stands all the time. It's not that big a deal, as long as it isn't one to you. Everyone was an adult, everyone supposedly consented."
"I don't know if they consented or not," Tobio said. "Kunimi said they did, that we all wanted it, but what if they didn't? What if I took advantage of them?"
"What if they took advantage of you?" Hinata burst. Tobio shook his head.
"It doesn't work that way. I'm the one with the crush, remember?"
"Doesn't mean you didn't need to consent for it to be okay," Sugawara pointed out. "Kageyama, you're not going to like this, but the only advice I can give you at this point is to talk it out with them. To make sure they're okay and reassure them that you're okay. They're probably freaking out right now that they hurt you, or made you angry or something. You need closure, and they probably do too."
"I can't talk to them," Tobio hissed. "What if they hate me now? Again! I can't take it if they hate me again."
Tobio felt small, like he hadn't felt in years. Sugawara wrapped his arms around Tobio and sighed.
"They won't hate you," he said. "They're every bit as much at fault as you isn't his case. It'll be okay. You just need to talk to them."
"You're right," Tobio muttered. "Can I borrow a phone charger?"
"You know we don't carry your phone's brand in this house," Sugawara sniffed. "Go home. Shower. Give them some time to cool off while your phone charges. Give yourself time to figure out what you're going to say. And go now. You stink and your hair looks like sex."
"Yes, Suga-san," Tobio muttered. He couldn't quite hide his grin entirely. Feeling much better, he stood and left the apartment, thanking both Hinata and Sugawara for their help.
The walk home was cool and calm, too many people on the street to notice one more making his way down the sidewalk. He reached his building at last and trudged up to his apartment, ignoring the cranky old elevator in favor of five flights of stairs. His apartment tidy and bare, just like it always was, and he was grateful. Less clutter around him to accumulate against the clutter in his mind. He padded into the bathroom and turned the shower as hot as it would go - not very hot in the grand scheme of things, but hot enough to burn away the feeling of sweat and anything else clinging to him. He pulled off his clothes and stepped into the stream, closing his eyes and letting it wash over him and pull him away.
He was just drying off, the water having gone cold at last, when there came a pounding on his door. He took his time putting on pants as the pounding got more insistent, meaning only one thing.
“Hang on, Oikawa-san,” he called as he padded out into the living room. He opened the door, stepping aside to let Oikawa spill into the apartment.
“Tobio,” he snapped as he gathered his balance. “Care to explain?”
“Explain what?” Tobio stalled. Oikawa glared at him.
“Care to explain,” he said succinctly, “why I got a panicked call from Kindaichi asking if you were okay, babbling on about not wanting to hurt you or make you angry or lose you again?”
“Because you’re his senpai and he goes to you for advice?” Tobio tried. Oikawa rolled his eyes.
“Stop avoiding the real question,” he said. Tobio sighed. He didn’t want to have this conversation with Oikawa. He didn’t want to have it with anyone. His sex life was his business, and he vaguely regretted sharing it with Sugawara and Hinata already. But Oikawa was a force to be reckoned with, and wouldn’t give up until Tobio told him the truth.
“I slept with them last night,” he said.
“Right, I got that part. I think I got the whole story out of Kunimi, in between Kindaichi’s babbling and sobbing,” Oikawa sniffed.
“Kindaichi was… crying?” Tobio asked.
“You really are a moron, aren’t you?” Oikawa seemed to deflate somewhat. “Look, just. Work it out, okay? Don’t tell anyone but you three are my favorite kouhai and I don’t want to see any of you in pain.” He tossed his hair. “The great Oikawa-sama is just that kind.”
“Right,” Tobio said. “Now, will you kindly fuck off?” Oikawa sniffed, but he paused then to look at Tobio seriously.
“You know you can come to me, right?” he asked. Tobio fought back the initial denial born of years of conditioning. He knew better by now, knew that he and Oikawa had both grown up. He nodded quietly, and Oikawa reached out to ruffle his hair. “Good,” he said. “Now, if you please, don’t come to me for the next couple of hours. I have a house guest.” He made it sound salacious, though Tobio had seen his ‘house guest’ come over the night before, and knew it was just Kuroo trying to get Oikawa to study for once. He rolled his eyes and started shoving Oikawa out of his genkan. Oikawa waved before closing the door to his own apartment next door. Tobio closed his own door and leaned against it, sighing. He knew what he had to do. He just didn’t want to do it. He walked over to the counter where his phone was charging, and winced at the number of missed calls and texts. He didn’t bother reading them, just went straight to his phone app and dialed a familiar number.
“Tobio.” Kunimi sounded too relieved, too worried. Tobio cringed. “Are you okay?”
“I’m… fine,” Tobio said. “Oikawa-san was just here.”
“Oh.” Kunimi said something softly, and Tobio could hear Kindaichi answer in the background, but he couldn’t make out the words. “Sorry,” Kunimi said after a moment.
“No, I’m. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… to take advantage, or to make anyone uncomfortable, and…” he trailed off, not sure of how to say what he was trying to say.
“Tobio, do you think we’re upset with you?” Kunimi asked. “Maybe because you think you took advantage of us? Or that we didn’t want what happened?” Tobio winced. Leave it to Kunimi to hit the nail on the head.
“Yes,” he sighed.
“I always said you were the stupid one,” Kunimi said. “Look, Tobio, I don’t know how to get this through to you, or tell you in a way you’ll understand. But the only reason we’re upset is because we thought we upset you. You left so quickly that we didn’t get a chance to talk things out, and, well. You know we worry when we think we’ve made you mad. It’s not something we can get over that easily.”
Tobio winced again. Kunimi was always blunt about their past, while Tobio and Kindaichi preferred to pretend it never happened. It was a balance that never worked well, and that Tobio knew they needed to work through. He just preferred to pretend. It was easier to pretend.
“Tobio, say something,” Kunimi prompted gently. Tobio took a shaky breath.
“I don’t know what to say,” he admitted.
“Then come over,” Kunimi said. “We can work this out better in person, you know that.”
“Kindaichi-” Tobio said, not sure of how to phrase this in a way that wouldn’t make Kunimi angry. There was a shuffling noise, and then:
“Kageyama?” Tobio bit his lip at the worried tone in Kindaichi’s voice. He didn’t deserve that, especially not now. “Kageyama, are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
“…Why?” Kindaichi sounded genuinely confused. He mumbled something to Kunimi, who mumbled something back. “Oh my god, you moron,” Kindaichi said. “Kunimi already told you, we’re not mad. We just need to talk this one out.” More mumbling, then, “I’m not mad at you. I promise.”
Tobio held onto that promise, turning it over in his hands and poking at its every angle and crevice. He sighed. “I’ll be over in a few minutes,” he said at last.
“Good,” Kindaichi said, and hung up the phone.
Tobio took a few deep breaths. He didn’t want to go over there. If there was a list of things Tobio would rather not do, this would be somewhere between losing to Hinata and eating boiled liver. But he liked to think he had matured over the years, and part of maturing meant facing his problems head on, rather than dancing around them. And he owed it to Kunimi and Kindaichi and their fledgling friendship not to let this ruin things for them. So he put on his shoes and started toward the station.
-
Yuutarou was not panicking, and that was a wonderful sign. It didn’t mean that he wasn’t about to panic at the drop of a hat, but it was nice to know that he could at least get this far without it happening. He made it all the way through the wait and up to the point that Kageyama knocked on the door.
Kunimi shot him a glare. “You’re fine,” he growled, but Yuutarou recognized it for the gentle question it was. He nodded, biting the inside of his cheek to give himself something else to think about for just a second, some small amount of physicality to anchor him in the real world. He took a deep breath and nodded. Kunimi went to open the door.
Kageyama shuffled in looking sheepish and guilty, like a child who was waiting to be scolded. Yuutarou remembered suddenly the things Kageyama had told them about his parents, and his heart splintered ever so slightly. He bit back his anger. It wasn’t useful here; it only made things worse between them. Made them say and do stupid things. Reminded them all of the crack in the gym floor, the crack they had all tried so hard to mend. So Yuutarou decided to come into this conversation meek and gentle.
“Why the fuck did you run away?” he demanded as soon as Kageyama was in sight. Kageyama flinched and Kunimi smacked him upside the head. But Kageyama’s shoulders eased somewhat, as though the tension that was caught between them was seeping out.
“What was I supposed to do?” Kageyama asked, sweeping past them to flop on Kunimi’s couch.
“Uh, talk to us?” Yuutarou suggested. Kageyama shrugged.
“You know I’m not very good at talking.” He said it so quietly, like he was ashamed. Yuutarou blew out a sigh and came to flop on the end of the couch opposite him.
“You’re gonna have to this time,” he said. “No running away, like a coward.”
“Yuu,” said Kunimi, and both Yuutarou and Kageyama flinched. Yuutarou wondered why Kageyama was reacting to a scolding meant for Yuutarou. Kunimi sighed, and Yuutarou caught it then. The desperation for all of this to work out, the shame and self-hatred and hope and a million other emotions that Kunimi usually kept so tightly locked up that even Yuutarou, his best friend, didn’t see them. Yuutarou bit down his own emotions. They weren’t necessary just then. What was necessary was getting the other two to understand that he wasn’t about to get in their way.
“Look, you guys, I get that sleeping with me wasn’t… ideal,” he started, and Kunimi groaned.
“Oh my god I’m going to have to have this talk with both of you, aren’t I?” he muttered. Then he stroked a hand through his hair in that way that always made Yuutarou’s stomach do the swoopy thing, and came to stand in front of the couch. “Look,” he said, looking first Yuutarou and then Kageyama in the eye. “I wanted what happened last night. I wanted both of you, in my bed. But I want more than that. I want both of you, forever and always, and all that other sappy gross shit. I want to wake up in the mornings to you two coming home from a run. I want Tobio to make breakfast because god knows neither of us can cook like he can. I want to come home from work and know that the two of you aren’t far behind. I want your stupid smelly socks in the living room and your stupid hair products in my bathroom and your stupid sports drinks in my fridge. I want you. Both of you. In any way I can have you.”
Yuutarou stared blankly at Kunimi, and just knew that Kageyama was doing the same. Then, so slowly it hurt, he felt Kageyama’s eyes turn to Yuutarou.
Yuutarou knew, just knew, that Kageyama wouldn’t speak first. That Kageyama wouldn’t ask for whatever he wanted, wouldn’t tell them that he wanted Kunimi just as much as Kunimi wanted him. It was up to Yuutarou, then, to make sure they got their happy ever after.
“I,” he started, and he could feel both of them latching on to him with an intensity he just couldn’t match. “I’m sorry,” he said, and stood. Without a word, he put on his sandals and walked out the door.
-
Akira heard a distant voice as his world came crashing down around his feet. He has been so sure that Kindaichi was the one he didn’t have to worry about, was the one who was ready to acknowledge that he loved him back. But he was, apparently, wrong.
“Kunimi,” said Kageyama again, and for some reason it broke through the ringing in Akira’s ears. He turned to look at Kageyama, who was staring earnestly up at him. Slowly, he moved to sit next to Kageyama. “You okay?” Kageyama asked.
Akira shook his head. “I thought,” he said, then shook his head again. There was an awkward moment, and then a large, strong hand wrapped around Akira’s own.
“I,” Kageyama said, then shook his head. “Did you-”
Akira could feel him getting frustrated, so he squeezed his hand and looked at him. “I meant it,” he said. “I meant every word.”
Kageyama’s brow was furrowed, and he was staring at the joining of their hands. “I know I’m not him,” he said slowly, and Akira did everything in his power not to interrupt. “But. If you would like-”
“I would like,” Akira said. “I told you. I want you. For you, not for your part in the three of us, though that was a factor. I want every inch of you, Tobio, every inch you’ll give me.”
“Then,” Kageyama said, looking up at Akira with terror and determination in his eyes. “Have me.”
Akira leaned in slowly, not sure how he would be received. But Kageyama leaned in as well, and their lips met in the middle.
Before the night before, Akira had always thought that phrases like ‘sparks flying’ and ‘seeing stars’ were just pretty exaggerations to describe what couldn’t be defined. But when Kageyama kissed him awkwardly on the couch, it brought to mind all the times over the past twelve hours that he had done it before, and just like all those other times, spots of light and color lit up all around Akira. He was dazed, he was entranced, he was Kageyama’s completely.
When Kageyama pulled away with a small gasp, Akira almost chased his lips, chased the feeling, chased the connection. But Kageyama looked like he was working up to saying something, so Akira waited.
“What do you want to do?” Kageyama asked. Akira cocked his head in question, wondering lazily why they weren’t still kissing. “I mean, about him,” Kageyama said, and the laziness flooded out of Akira. “I don’t want to get into a relationship with you if it means jeopardizing anything with him,” Kageyama said.
“I get it,” Akira said. “You love him, I know, I just-”
“No, I don’t mean that,” Kageyama said. “I mean for you. The two of you are best friends, and I know you’re meant to be together. I don’t want to step on that.”
“I told you,” Akira said, a little confused. “I want both of you.”
“Right, and I don’t want to ruin any chances of that happening.” Akira nodded, understanding.
“I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen,” he said. “I think…” As the plan formed in his mind, he began to smile. “I think it’s time we went out and wooed Kindaichi. Showed him what he’s missing. Let him get a taste of what he could have.”
“I don’t get why you sound so devious, but,” Kageyama said, “if it will make you happy, I’m game.”
“Will it make you happy?” Akira asked. “Will being with both of us truly and genuinely make you happy?”
“I’ve never wanted anything else from you two,” Kageyama said. A spike of sadness over their past shot through Akira’s veins, but he pushed it aside. Now was the time for the future. He smiled.
“Then let’s get to work,” he said.
-
Tobio had no idea how to woo anyone. That much became painfully obvious the first time he and Kunimi went to the bookshop where Kindaichi worked. Kindaichi was working the cash register, and the line curled too far for either of their liking. So Tobio wandered into the foreign language section with Kunimi on his heels.
“I can’t do this,” Tobio hissed when they had stepped into an aisle.
“You can,” Kunimi replied. Tobio shook his head and Kunimi nodded, then punched him in the shoulder. “You can, and you will. Look, the line’s died down. Just, go!” Kunimi shoved Tobio out of the aisle and toward the front counter. Tobio approached cautiously, wondering if he could run away right as Kindaichi looked up at him. He dropped the book in his hands and went pale for just a moment, but then pulled himself together.
“Hey, Kageyama,” he said quietly. “Kunimi.”
“Hey,” Tobio replied. “I, uh. I brought you these.” He pulled a container out of his bag and shoved it across the counter. “Okay. Bye.” He turned on his heel and started marching toward the door. He could all but feel Kunimi rolling his eyes as he followed him, but he didn’t say a word until they were out of the store. Then,
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He slipped his hand into Tobio’s and tugged him to a stop. Despite his harsh words, he stroked his thumb across Tobio’s knuckles, a soothing gesture.
“I panicked,” Tobio explained. “I couldn’t do it.”
“Lucky for you, I left a note in those cookies. He should get the message.” Kunimi reached up absently and patted Tobio on the cheek. “Let’s go home,” he said. Tobio hesitated, and Kunimi smiled. “My home,” he explained. “Unless you need to go be alone, you’re staying with me. Got it?”
“Got it,” Tobio laughed. Kunimi paused, seeming to take in the sound, and Tobio cut himself off, embarrassed. But Kunimi shook his head and squeezed his hand.
As they walked to Kunimi’s apartment, Tobio turned the exchange over in his head. The way Kindaichi had looked… afraid, almost, to see the two of them. The way he had hesitated to talk to them. The way he had barely spoken. The way Tobio had chickened out and had run away. A spike of anger shot through his chest and he bit his lip.
“Hey,” Kunimi said as they walked into Kunimi’s apartment building. “You okay?”
“I’m a coward,” Tobio said softly.
“You gave him the cookies,” Kunimi told him, pulling him into his arms. “That’s more than most people would have done in your shoes. After what he said, most people would have never spoken to him again.”
“I don’t want that,” Tobio said.
“I don’t want it either,” Kunimi told him. “And neither does he. I refuse to lose our friendship, no matter that I want more.” Kunimi planted his hand on the back of Tobio’s neck and stroked his thumb gently along his nape. “Come here,” he said softly and drew him down the hall.
Tobio let himself be led, let himself be kissed, let himself be caressed. Kunimi ran his hands up and down Tobio’s arms and his spine. He gripped his hips hard enough to hurt, hard enough to ground Tobio in the moment.
“Is this okay?” Kunimi asked softly. Tobio nodded, but Kunimi shook his head. “I need you to tell me what you want, Tobio. I don’t want to go any farther than you’re willing. And I need verbal confirmation of that.”
“Okay,” Tobio said. “I’ll try.”
“Okay.” Kunimi ran his hands up Tobio’s chest and paused at his collar. “Is this okay?”
“This is okay,” Tobio said, and Kunimi popped the first button out of its hole. He leaned in and pressed a fleeting kiss to the side of Tobio’s neck, right where his pulse was flying.
“Relax,” Kunimi breathed against Tobio’s skin. “I need you to take a deep breath and relax for me, okay baby?”
Tobio forced his shoulders down and his hands to unclench. He put his hands on Kunimi’s hips and flexed his fingers once or twice to ground himself.
“Kiss me,” he pleaded, and Kunimi did. Kunimi’s fingers worked their way down Tobio’s shirt until he had to pull away to breathe, his eyes flicking down Tobio’s torso. Tobio didn’t put too much stock in his body, but there was a surge of pride in him that Kunimi’s eyes went dark and hungry. Kunimi dragged his fingertips down Tobio’s abs. He latched himself onto Tobio’s neck and suckled there, drawing a bruise. Tobio cried out, his hands gripping Kunimi’s hips harder.
“There it is,” Kunimi said darkly. “I want you to scream for me.”
“Please,” was all Tobio had to say. Kunimi backed him up to his bed and crawled on top of him. Tobio fisted his hands somewhere near his head as Kunimi kissed his way down Tobio’s chest. “Kunimi,” Tobio whined.
“Akira,” Kunimi growled.
“Akira,” Tobio conceded. “Touch me.”
“I am touching you.” Tobio groaned. “What do you want?” Kunimi asked.
“I-” Tobio bit his lip.
“I need you to say it,” Kunimi told him. “I need to know that you want this.”
“I want you,” Tobio said. “However you want me. I want to have sex with you today.”
“Okay,” Kunimi said. “Then, can I take these off?” His hands landed on his waistband.
“Yes,” Tobio breathed. Kunimi nodded and started wrestling with Tobio’s button. Tobio took a shaky breath, realizing all at once that Kunimi was just as nervous as he was. A laugh burst out of him.
“What.”
“We’ve done this before,” Tobio pointed out.
“We were drunk,” Kunimi snarled. Tobio put his hands over Kunimi’s.
“We’ll be okay,” Tobio said. “We always are.”
Kunimi nodded, flopping down on top of Tobio’s chest. He buried his nose in Tobio’s neck and whined. Tobio ran his hands up Kunimi’s spine and laughed again.
“We’re a mess,” he said. Kunimi nodded. “You know, we don’t have to do anything.”
“I love you,” Kunimi said. Tobio nodded.
“I know you do,” he said. “I love you too.”
“Let’s just sleep,” Kunimi said. Tobio nodded. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Okay. I love you.”
“I love you too, Akira.”
“I love you.”
“Go to sleep.”
“Goodnight. I love you.”
Tobio smiled.
-
Yuutarou couldn’t breathe. His mind was swimming with images of Kunimi and Kageyama, and the sweet, earnest way they had looked at him before running away. He opened his bag for the millionth time on the walk home, just to make sure the little box of cookies was still there. Kageyama had probably baked them, which meant they were probably fucking delicious. But more than that, Kageyama had baked them for him.
He didn’t know what kind of game they were playing. Was he just that, a game to them? Or could this possibly mean…
No. Yuutarou wouldn’t let himself think that. He wouldn’t let himself get his hopes up. They may have looked sweet and earnest, but that was because they maybe wanted him back as a friend.
And Yuutarou would do that. He would be their friend, and he would watch them live happily ever after, and that would be the end of it. He wouldn’t get in the way.
“Fuck,” he whispered to himself as he closed the door to his apartment. He looked at the little box of cookies. Kageyama had put all the time and effort into making them; it would be rude to not at least try one. That was his justification, anyway, when he threw the lid across the room and went to shove a cookie in his mouth.
But he stopped. There, atop the little discs of chocolatey goodness, was a note. An innocuous piece of paper folded in neat quarters, with his name written on top in Kunimi’s handwriting. This was it. This was where they told him, flat out, that they didn’t want anything to do with him. He sighed and set the box on the entry table, plucking out the note.
Yuutarou,
Please read this whole thing. I know you’ll want to skip to the bottom and draw your own conclusions. Please resist that urge.
We love you, Yuutarou. Tobio and I both adore being around you. We want to continue to be around you as much as possible.
I understand if you can’t be with us as a lover. If that’s not something you’re capable of doing. I would never ask you to give us more than you can give. But.
If you love us, in any way, then talk to us. Let us work this out. Let us get through this, if not as lovers, then at least as friends.
Please.
Love,
Akira
Yuutarou resisted the urge to crumple the paper in his fist. He read the lines again and again, each time his heart clenching tighter. There was a part of him, small and fluttering, that said that maybe Kunimi meant it. That he had a chance with them. It was an ember, a flickering flame that the howling winds of his insecurity threatened to blow out. Yuutarou knew he had a choice to make. But it was the last thing he wanted to do.
Still, he gathered what flickering, wispy courage he had left, and pulled out his phone.
“Don’t hang up!” were the first words out of Kunimi’s mouth.
“I’m not going to,” Yuutarou said.
“Okay, sorry, I just. I didn’t know if you had called by mistake or not.” Kunimi sounded out of breath and frantic.
“Is everything okay?” Yuutarou asked.
“Yeah, just. It’s been a bit of a day, you know?”
“Tell me about it,” Yuutarou laughed, and something clicked into place. This was where he belonged, this floating space with Kunimi on the other end of the line, with the knowledge that Kageyama was somewhere there too. “I… I got your note,” he said after a long moment.
“Oh.”
It was one syllable, but it told Yuutarou that Kunimi was just as nervous about all this as him.
“I, um.” Yuutarou closed his eyes, nerves shaking down his arms and up his spine. “I don’t know how to do this,” he admitted.
“What don’t you know how to do?” Kunimi asked.
“Ask for what I want,” Yuutarou replied. “I never have, you know that.”
“I do know that. You’d rather think you don’t deserve it at all.” It wasn’t accusatory, but Yuutarou flinched nonetheless. “I’m sorry,” Kunimi said. “That wasn’t fair of me.”
“No, it was.” Yuutarou dropped his head back against the wall. There was a shuffle, and then the tone of the call changed, the sound growing thinner.
“Yuu,” Kunimi breathed. “Tell us what you want.”
“I want to come over,” Yuutarou said at last.
“You’re always welcome here, you know that,” Kunimi said, his voice going a little flat and sarcastic. Yuutarou smiled to himself.
“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he said.
“Make it five.”
“I can’t bed space-time for you, Kunimi,” Yuutarou droned, but he was already outside, locking his door behind him.
“You would if you could.” There was a moment’s awkward silence as they both acknowledged that Yuutarou would, indeed, tear apart reality if Kunimi so desired.
“Huh. Guess I would,” he said. He shook his head and started off down the street. Neither he nor Kunimi said anything, but neither of them hung up the phone either. In seven minutes, Yuutarou was standing outside Kunimi’s apartment building. “I’m here, he said softly.
“That was more than five minutes,” Kunimi replied, but a moment later the buzzer beeped and the door clicked. Yuutarou stepped into the building and over to the stairs.
Kageyama was waiting for him at the door to Kunimi’s apartment. Yuutarou stopped for a long moment and they just stared at each other.
“Um,” Yuutarou said. “Hi.”
“Is this ever going to be anything other than awkward?” Kageyama asked. He didn’t laugh, and neither did Yuutarou.
“Someday it might,” he replied. He scrubbed at the back of his neck, then let his hand drop and sighed. “Kageyama, I… Can I come inside?”
“Of course you can,” Kageyama said, his head tilting. He stepped away from the door and Yuutarou followed him into Kunimi’s apartment.
Kunimi was sitting on the couch, staring at the blank television. Yuutarou could see the nervous set of his shoulders, could see the tension rolling off of him in waves. He bit back a wince; he had done that.
“Hey,” Yuutarou said. Kunimi looked up at him. Yuutarou sat on the couch next to him, knees angled toward him but no part of them touching. “I, um…” He sighed, and Kunimi snorted.
“Yeah,” Kunimi said. And Yuutarou nodded. “Look, Yuu, I…”
“Just shut up and kiss each other already,” Kageyama droned from his place leaning in the doorway. Yuutarou jumped, and so did Kunimi, but then Kunimi was laughing, and Yuutarou was laughing, and Kageyama was glaring at them and everything was right in the world. Yuutarou turned back to Kunimi, and his mouth went dry.
“Akira,” Yuutarou said softly. “Can I?”
“Please do,” Kunimi whispered. Yuutarou leaned in to press his lips against the soft skin of Kunimi’s forehead. Kunimi pulled back, and just as he opened his mouth to complain, Yuutarou darted in and placed another kiss on his lips. Kunimi made a small, broken noise, and Yuutarou closed his eyes against the sudden flood of emotion within him. Kunimi pulled back, this time putting a hand on Yuutarou’s cheek. “Hey,” he murmured. “Look at me.”
Yuutarou did. In Kunimi’s eyes there was the same torrent of feeling, the same overwhelming rush. But there was something else, as well, something Yuutarou hadn’t known the name of until that moment.
It was trust.
Kunimi trusted him. Yuutarou was dizzy with it, taking deep and shaking breaths until Kageyama came and knelt on the floor between their inward-pointed knees. He put a hand on each of their thighs and they both looked down at him.
“This is right,” he said, his brow furrowing in the way it did when he wanted to say something important, but didn’t have the words. Yuutarou reached out without a thought to smooth his thumb against that furrow. Kageyama’s eyes fluttered closed, like the very touch of Yuutarou’s hand was too much for him.
“Take your time,” Kunimi murmured, his own hand finding Yuutarou’s free one on the couch.
“This is how it’s meant to be,” Kageyama said. “The three of us… we’re good, together.”
“Yeah,” Yuutarou said, looking from him to Kunimi. “We are.”
“I vote we try the other night over again,” Kunimi said. “Meaning the dancing,” he rushed to add. “Maybe the what-came-after, if you’re both up for it, but mostly, just. I want to be with you two, and have all of us remember it.”
Kageyama stood abruptly, storming over to the corner where Kunimi kept his stereo. Yuutarou laughed as he poked at the buttons, but then a familiar beat snaked through the room, settling among his bones. Yuutarou looked at Kunimi.
“May I have this dance?” he asked, lifting the hand that was linked with Kunimi’s.
“God, sap,” Kunimi snapped, then stood and walked over to Kageyama. He pulled Kageyama into the middle of the room and wrapped his arms around his waist from behind. They were both watching him as they started to move, and when Kageyama held out his hand for Yuutarou to join them, Yuutarou didn’t hesitate.