Chapter Text
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Together with their loving families
Draco Lucius Malfoy and Astoria Marie Greengrass
cordially request the pleasure of your company
at their wedding
Thursday the Twenty-second of August
Two-thousand and two
Two o’clock in the Afternoon
West Wing Gardens, Malfoy Manor, Wiltshire
In lieu of traditional wedding favors
please consider a charitable donation
to any of our registered patronages -
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Kindly Respond
by the Nineteenth of July
Miss Hermione Jean Granger
graciously accepts
guests attending
regretfully declines
with message
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Hermione, did you get it? How are you feeling? Harry won't stop asking about you. You haven't answered his owls either. He’s this close to getting a warrant just to check in on you. We're both worried. Please, come talk to us or floo over whenever you feel like it. I know you closed your fireplace but ours will be open for you when you’re ready to talk. - G
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The Auror Office of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement declines Auror Potter’s request for a warrant to enter and search Miss Hermione Granger’s home for the following reasons:
She is not a missing person. According to official ministry logs, she reported to The Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures just this morning.
Signed by Gawain Robards, Head Auror
P.S. Potter, one more request and I will suspend you.
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Thank you for your patronage! At Zabini Wines and Spirits, we promise only the very best curated flavors from our very own vineyards in Italy.
Your order:
1 x Nebbiolo (1997)
1 x Corvina, Corvinone, Rondinella blend (1993)
1 x Trebbiano d’Abruzzo (1999)
If you are not satisfied with the quality of the wine you received, we will replace it or refund your payment, no questions asked.
We are now introducing The Zabini Wine Club ! It’s a new subscription model where you’ll receive expertly selected bottles at your preferred schedule. Each sign-up includes a free wine tasting session at our Diagon Alley store to help customize our selection for you and discounts to your future purchases of wines. For more details -
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From the office of Blaise Zabini
Zabini Wines and Spirits
Hey Granger, I’m happy for the business and all, but this is your third order this week. It’s Tuesday. I know you may be going through something, but... should I be concerned? My selling license requires me to check in on customers who are showing “early warning signs of alcohol use disorder” - which I know you’re smart enough not to fall into, but there’s ministry mandates on businesses like mine, you should know. I’m also required to attach this pamphlet for St. Mungo’s Addiction Rehabilitation Ward. Feel free to ignore it. Or incendio it, your call.
P.S. Pansy dropped by and told me to tell you to “get out of her ugly flat and see me for tea before I send ten thousand Howlers.” She used that tone, so I know she will follow up on her threat. Good luck.
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Hermione, please answer us. We haven’t heard from you in two weeks. I know I’ve asked so much from you already, and if responding is more daunting than hunting dark artifacts, then that’s okay. You’re my best friend, I’ve already asked so much from you, I know. You’ve always looked out for me since we were kids. Please let me look out for you, too. - H
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HERMIONE JEAN GRANGER! HOW DARE YOU NOT ANSWER ANY OF MY OWLS AND INVITATIONS FOR TEA AND SHOPPING!
DID YOU THINK I DIDN’T MEAN IT WHEN I TOLD BLAISE THAT I WOULD SEND YOU HOWLERS FOR IT? I DID NOT PUT YOU ABOVE THEODORE IN MY LIST OF BEST FRIENDS FOR YOU TO IGNORE ME LIKE THIS!
I DID MY BEST TO BE SYMPATHETIC FOR YOUR SITUATION, BUT THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, WAS IT? WELL, BOO HOO, DARLING, YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY THAT SPECIAL!
WELCOME TO THE ‘PEOPLE DRACO MALFOY DIDN’T CONSIDER FOR MARRIAGE’ CLUB! GET IN LINE WITH ALL THE OTHER PUREBLOOD GIRLS!
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Dearest Hermione,
It’s good to hear from you again. How is summer in London? Here on the other side of the world, it’s winter. It started snowing the other day and weather reports say that we’ll be in for a strong blizzard this season, perhaps next month. I feel bad for my orchids. Just when I finally got them to grow right outdoors, I have to bring them back indoors or else they’ll die. I much prefer the sunshine for many reasons, including my gardening adventures, so please do tell me how your summer feels like.
I would love for you to visit again soon. Wendell told me not to tell you, but he sees you as the daughter we never had. We were winding down with some wine (the last bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon from your friend’s vineyard that you brought us, actually! It’s one of our favorites now) and got to talking about why we never had children of our own. It must be strange for you to hear it, and I’m sure your own parents might object to us wanting to claim you as our own, but there was a sense of completion when you came into our lives. I’m not quite sure how to put it into words. Talking to you feels like second-nature, my dear, and we really do love having you around. Our home is and always will be open to you, Hermione, whenever you feel like you need reprieve from stuffy London. Although maybe not now, unless you want to willingly subject yourself to these cold waves.
We are also very sorry to hear about you and Draco falling out. We thought he was a nice young gentleman when you visited with him last year. Very London posh, though. He sat down with us once while you were out and he told us he was quite serious with you. Well, that must have been a lie. I’ve had my own share of heartbreaks in my youth - before I met my dear Wendell, of course. Let me tell you: boys will be boys until they decide to be men. Only then should you give any of them your time of day. When you’re ready to get back into the dating scene, let me know. I have quite a few men (or women!) of your age here in my book club in Australia who might interest you.
Love,
Monica Wilkins
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Hermione. Theo told me that my last message was too much. After some deliberation, I’m willing to agree with him on something. I’m sorry. You know I’m not the best at consoling others. We’re just worried. We do miss you. For what it’s worth, Draco hasn’t joined us for drinks this month either. Rather, we haven’t invited him. That should tell you whose side we’re on, shouldn’t it? - P
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Thank you for your patronage! At Zabini Wines and Spirits, we promise only the very best curated flavors from our very own vineyards in Italy.
Your order:
3 x Cabernet Sauvignon (1998)
If you are not satisfied with the quality of the wine you received, we will replace it or refund your payment, no questions asked.
We are now introducing The Zabini Wine Club ! It’s a new subscription model where you’ll receive expertly selected bottles at your preferred schedule. Each sign-up includes a free wine tasting session at our Diagon Alley store to help customize our selection for you and discounts to your future purchases of wines. For more details -
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Hey ‘Mione. I’m probably one of the last people you want to hear from right now, but Gin’s been bugging me to owl you. Harry’s being very Harry about it, reminding me that I’m also your best friend - which I am, I just never figured out how to talk to you about you and Malfoy when you were… a thing. I tried to tolerate him for you then, because the sodding bloke did make you happy - happier than I ever did. And I just can't stand thinking you're unhappy right now because of him.
Remember when we broke up, when all our friends didn’t know who to talk to, and it was awkward trying to tell everyone that it wasn’t like that - that there were no sides because we both wanted it? But no one else really understood because somebody had to be in the wrong, right? It wasn’t like that for us, but I know Malfoy’s in the wrong this time ‘round. Even just for letting you go. I don’t know what happened, you never told me or Harry - or anyone, apparently, because even Pansy Parkinson’s been asking me. I don’t really care what the git’s done or what Pureblood horseshite his parents must’ve pulled on you, I’ll never forgive any of them. We’re all with you. As far as I know, no one’s responded to the wedding rsvp sent out last week.
Please reply - if not to me, then Harry or Ginny, or even bloody Pansy Parkinson because she’s been telling everyone she's your best friend now. Talk to someone, anyone, please. - Ron
P.S. George is working on a new product for you. He wants to show you firsthand how it’s supposed to work. Drop by the store anytime.
P.P.S. Please respond to Harry. He’s started to pull his hair out and Ginny will divorce him once he’s fully bald. He’s been trying to put in more official requests to go to your flat and I’ve had to take them out of Robards’ inbox. I’m trying my best to keep him out of trouble, but he’s going to get suspended at this rate.
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Hermione, dear, come join us at The Burrow for lunch this weekend! Bill and Fleur are visiting with young Victoire. I’m sure they would love to see you again. It’s rare to have everyone around like this, so please do come by. I will be making your favorite mince pie. - Molly Weasley
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TOP SECRET
from the Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes Product Development Laboratory
will only open for
HERMIONE GRANGER
Product Notes: Tentatively named ‘Heartbreaking Twat!’
This product is designed to make colorful bubbles shaped like hearts spill out of a person’s mouth - and when they pop, they tell him he’s a twat.
Packaged as one dissolvable pill. Product effects last three to four hours from initial testing.
Was not tested on any magical creatures. We promise.
Ministry Safety Regulations compliant... ish.
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OFFICIAL SUSPENSION NOTICE
DEPARTMENT OF MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT
This is to notify all employees of the Auror Office that Auror Harry James Potter has been suspended for the remaining days of the week for the following reasons:
Harassing an old man instead of working.
Signed by Gawain Robards, Head Auror
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Dearest Hermione,
Thank you so much for the bottles of wine. We can’t seem to find a wine boutique nearby that carries your friend’s line of wines, so imagine our surprise when we saw you went ahead and ordered our new favorite wine for us. And signed us up for his subscription service! My dear, you shouldn’t have. Let us know what we can get for you from down here. Maybe some vegemite to convince you it’s better than marmite?
You haven’t answered my last letter yet - or perhaps I haven’t received it yet. Does wine travel faster than letters now? We both hope you are well.
Love, Monica and Wendell
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Pureblood Society Marriage Banns
In accordance with The Association for Preservation of Pureblood Society’s Etiquette Rule Number 78129,
hereto publish the marriage banns of the following individuals:
Mister Draco Lucius Malfoy
Miss Astoria Marie Greengrass
Whoever has the knowledge of any impediment or hindrance to this proposed union of the aforementioned couple, kindly contact The Association for Preservation of Pureblood Society.
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Granger. We should talk. - D.M.
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Kindly Respond
by the Nineteenth of July
Miss Hermione Jean Granger
graciously accepts
guests attending
x regretfully declines
with message
Fuck off, Malfoy. :-)
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