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There’s something strange about tonight… Is it the way he’s holding me?
Or the way I’m holding him?
There’s an edge she can’t interpret, a tangible feeling drifting through the air around them, soaking through her skin and filling her chest. Like a tentative newness in the way they’re touching each other. Since those first few - occasionally awkward - steps into the delightful world of intimacy as she learned the other half of her soul – discovering what makes his breath hitch and his grip tighten – she’d assumed they knew one another as thoroughly as possible. There can be nothing left to discover, surely. At this point, their bodies and minds are so densely weaved together that it feels as though they exist as one entity.
Maybe it’s not Ben and I that are different, but the world around us.
Rey squeezes these thoughts into a small, quiet corner of her mind as the rest of her consciousness rumbles through a sea of passion. Lust and love are firing along her synapses in a rhythm that matches their bodies, her hips rocking forward a fraction as his pulse upward in response, a complementary motion that has them moaning in unison, pressure of the most exquisite kind filling her deeply.
Is this peace a lie? Will someone... or something take it from us?
Stars above, please.
Just let us keep each other.
Ben groans against her. His warm breath, lips, teeth and a soothing tongue lavish kisses along the skin of her neck where he so often buries his face. She’s trying so hard to focus on him, her partner - her soulmate, beneath her, the internal stroke of his hard length paired with the external caress of his hands and arms – but her overactive mind is rapidly working her into a state of turmoil. Almost like a fuse suddenly lit inside her mind, Rey realises the probable cause of tonight’s strange, new atmosphere.
Earlier in the evening, as sunlight was traded for crackling bonfires, they’d made a hasty and not-so-discreet exit from the celebrations taking place around the base, giggling like normal, young lovers. Rey hadn’t noticed the shaking heads and knowing glances of her friends as her hooded eyes had met Ben’s across the warm, glowing light. Mumbling an excuse me to Rose and sliding her way through the half-drunk, dancing crowds to catch his sleeve, she’d tugged him in the direction of the Falcon.
Shedding their clothing in a trail down the corridor, they’d collided with walls, kissed, ground and groped against consoles. Tripped over each other, stepping on toes and bumping knees in fits of laughter before finally collapsing in a naked, tangled heap on the surface of their bunk. Never once acknowledging that tonight would be their first night together within a galaxy truly at peace.
That’s it.
Noon that day had marked the official end of the war and the rebirth of the New Republic. Announcements sounded that the last of the First Order was either defeated or outright surrendering, bringing about a new era of hard-earned peace for both the galaxy and its inhabitants. To finally live and start anew without constant battles and the pain of loss.
We’ve never been able to have each other without a threat or mission looming above us.
Never been able to take our time, never had a chance to love without worry.
We’re free.
Rey clutches his shoulders hard and presses her lips to the tangled, sweaty mess of his raven hair, trying to hold onto the pleasure rippling throughout her body. She finds herself at an impasse, naked and cradled in the circle of Ben’s arms, wanting nothing more than to spend the entire night alive and celebrating in the most enjoyable of ways, but now too distracted by her troublesome thoughts to chase her release. The warm ball of tension has settled low in her belly, and... stopped altogether.
An irritating sting builds behind her eyes and she’s immediately thankful that Ben is preoccupied - nuzzling his face against her, obviously lost in his own haze of pleasure with one hand almost absentmindedly kneading her breast. She’s free to squeeze her eyes shut and will away the oncoming tears.
Kriffing eyes, she mentally curses and stubbornly grinds her core against his lower abdomen, the spike of pleasure enough to make her gasp and twitch in his arms, but not enough to push away the strong swell of emotion threatening to submerge her.
Despite her valiant efforts, a single tear leaves the corner of her eye and weaves a wet trail down the curve of her cheek, uninterrupted until his nose brushes it aside. Ben, of course, notices immediately and slows, pressing his lips softly into her jaw.
”Rey?”
Damn him for being so attentive.
She pretends she hasn’t heard him speak and tightens her thighs around his waist, ankles crossed at his back. Even still, the gentle, surging pulse of his hips falters and he stiffens against her.
Ben raises his head, breathing heavily, worry tainting the pleasure-induced softness on his face as he searches her gaze for the source of the wetness. Her eyes glisten in the warm glow of the Falcon’s cabin.
”Don’t stop, I’m fine,” Rey insists, concealing the tremor in her voice and securing her arms around his neck. She smiles at him as convincingly as she can muster, sliding her palms to his chest as it rises and falls, the steady rhythm grounding her for a second and providing a small measure of comfort.
Please Ben, keep moving.
Despite her wishes, he holds them still with an arm, as hard as durasteel, looped around her lower back, anchoring her in his lap. The other is folded between their bodies, still cupping her breast with a calloused palm.
”You‘re not okay, you’re crying...” he frowns.
“I am, Ben. I promise,” she whispers.
She kisses him gently in a tender caress of lips. Rocking her hips against his just once in the hopes it’ll be enough to spur him back into movement and cursing the traitorous tear once more for it’s untimely interruption. They both let out an involuntary sigh, the friction between their bodies warm and seductive.
“Stop— ” Ben shakes his head, gathering every ounce of self-control, “just tell me, please.” His imploring eyes make her sigh and she glances away, looking anywhere but him and gnawing on her bottom lip.
"Am I hurting you?”
Rey huffs out a chuckle, ending with a wet sniff. She remembers the same endearing concern the first one or two times they came together like this, the way he would watch her face for the tiniest flicker of discomfort and kiss a flurry of apologies into her cheeks at her unavoidable wince. He always cares so much.
Because he loves me so much.
"After how many times we’ve done this now?” she asks coquettishly, leaning in to kiss a line from his cheek to his jaw. “No, I promise.”
"Then what’s wrong?” His fingers flex almost imperceptibly against her breast of their own volition. She smiles at his blatant desire, their bodies - their hands specifically - drawn to each other like magnets.
“Nothing’s wrong, I just—” she shakes her head. Embarrassment clouds her face, visible beneath the flushed sweat already decorating her skin. “Just some silly emotions.”
“I spent my life suppressing my every emotion and replacing them all with anger,” he tells her with a softness to his voice. “I see now they’re useful. Beautiful, even, but never silly.”
“So... talk. Or I won’t continue,” Ben teases, finishing his ultimatum with a soft flex of his hips. Her lashes flutter as her breath hitches quietly. The slow grind makes her thighs tense, tightening their hold around his waist.
His mind has withdrawn from her own just a fraction, Rey notices, almost as if he wants to give her some measure of privacy. The choice to speak aloud and confide in him, rather than have her thoughts filtered directly across their bond. She exhales in a rush, willing her voice to emerge.
“I just... I didn’t know I c-could ever have this,” she finally whispers, the confession bringing fresh moisture to her eyes that she furiously blinks away. ”I didn’t know ...” her head drops forward into his neck to hide from his gaze, muffling her words against his skin. “... And now that I have it— now that I have you, I feel like it could just… disappear at any moment.”
Ben rubs her back, tilting his chin and placing a series of soft kisses against her hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”
His lips drift along her shoulder, tasting the sweat of her skin. Rey shakes her head again, glancing down between their bodies with a hollow, bashful laugh.
“S-sorry, this is a... strange moment to hold a c-conversation...”
His eyes also flicker down to where they’re bodies are still joined and he chuckles, his arousal having almost become an afterthought. Still, he nudges her to continue with a gentle squeeze of her hip.
“Doesn’t matter, keep going, ” he whispers softly.
Rey distracts herself for a moment, running her hands across his chest and shoulders, pondering in quiet awe.
How can a man so strong and… huge contain such a gentle soul?
“In this world of cruelty... how is it possible for something to feel this good? ” She raises her head, eyes searching his for the answer. “How can two mortal p-people deserve something so pure and beautiful? ”
Ben considers her question for a moment. She wonders if he’s asked himself the same thing at some point. He leans her back into the crook of his arm and lowers his mouth into the valley of her chest, her warm, soft skin a haven, just for him.
“I wonder that as well. Somehow you chose me , and everyday I ask the universe what I did to deserve such a gift after all I’ve done.”
She threads her fingers through his hair, fiddling with the silky strands as she speaks. “The universe doesn’t influence my decisions, Ben. My soul would have chosen yours even if the Force hadn’t bound us together.”
“I’ve always known you, Rey. I don’t know how , I just... feel it.”
“I didn’t know I’d ever have love,” she confesses, “or that it was even possible to feel this way, this strongly.”
“Love transcends this galaxy,” he whispers against her. “It transcends the Force. It’s strong enough to defeat evil and forge peace.”
Rey’s eyes drift shut as she smiles, his words an instant balm for the fear that had built inside her.
"You make it sound so powerful, ” she whispers breathlessly. He hums in acknowledgment, the bone-deep vibration against her skin sending a shiver through her body.
“It’s more powerful than us... more powerful than life itself.”
She leans into him, the shift in weight bringing her attention back to his length - still nestled deeply inside her - and finding it strange how such an intimate, exposed position can also feel so... comforting.
“I can feel it,” she rocks her hips slowly, “when you’re inside me, like this...”
Ben sighs at the slow, tight drag of her inner walls around him as his arm loops around her lower back again, pulling her lightly in time with the sway of their bodies.
"No armies or battles, no need for a victory.” Her breath hitches softly with each word. “This is both... the power and the prize.”
“Yes .” His lust is spurred on by her affirmation.
Ben kisses her deeply as they move together, their lips only separating enough for the occasional gasp or soft moan. She wonders to herself when they’ve ever been together like this before. Their physical intimacy is always brimming with emotion, usually gentle, occasionally frantic and fuelled with lust, but never has it felt this devastatingly reverent.
He barely thrusts into her, opting for a back-and-forth motion, grinding their hips together in his lap as if he’s afraid to withdraw from her warmth even for a second. Not that she minds; each time they shift, his length brushes maddeningly against that sensitive place along her inner wall, the friction making her tremble delicately. Even with such slow, soft movements, the air around them becomes stifling, their skin sparkling with a fine sheen of sweat. Tears still wet her eyelashes, despite the reassuring turn their conversation had taken.
“I d-didn’t know I c-could have this,” she cries, repeating the admission again. “There’s no love or b-beauty on Jakku.”
“Hush, you’re not— mmmm— on Jakku anymore,” Ben groans, hoping to soothe her by pressing his sweat-slicked forehead to hers as they rock together. “You’re here with me, with my love, in my arms.”
“I know ,” she gasps, her neck exposed as she tilts her head back, asking wordlessly for his lips to grace her skin, “I know .”
He wastes no time in granting her wish, hunching his back to bring his mouth over her throat and taste her pulse as it hammers just below the surface. His pace falters slightly and she grins.
The most powerful force-user in the galaxy...
...and he can’t multitask with my body.
His voice suddenly appears inside her mind, startling her for a moment before making her laugh, the melody ringing upward toward the ceiling.
I can, I just choose not to. Every inch of you deserves nothing less than utter devotion at any one moment.
They pant for breath as the tension rises inside their bodies, familiar yet... different - more like a warm, rolling wave readying to engulf them. A comforting climax, but no less powerful. A homecoming for their bodies, rather than the explosive precipice they normally drive each other toward.
“Come with me, Rey,” he gasps as a choked whine catches in her throat.
He holds her tightly, their chests pressed together as their hearts pound in synchronicity, every sensation and ounce of pleasure shared between them a constant loop of mirrored ecstasy that drowns them both.
"Come with me ...”
She tucks her face into the crook of his neck, holding onto him tightly as her brows pull together. Her mouth opens against his collarbone and she nods.
Always, my love.
Their breaths catch at the same moment as the wave crests, sweeping them both away in a trembling embrace.
Warmth rushes through their bodies as they cling to one another. Rey squeezes her eyes shut, the sensation of his pulsing warmth filling her somehow heightening her own release. Moisture gathers in his eyes, too, as he quickly blinks them shut. She feels it drip onto her shoulder regardless.
She pulls back and kisses him, slow and deep, coaxing his lips to part beneath hers, desperate to taste the remnants of his pleasure and stroke his tongue lazily with her own.
"Nothing can take this away from us?” she asks when they eventually part, her voice a tentative, unsure whisper. She can’t help but ask. Despite the magnitude of their emotions and the aftershocks of pleasure still rolling gently through their bodies, the fear still grips her.
"I’ll never stop giving you this— not just this,” he quickly clarifies with a sheepish grin, “but this… ” He places her palm on his chest, right over his heart and holds her there, willing her to feel how it beats for her alone.
“For as long as you’ll have me,” he rumbles. She mirrors his action, clutching his other hand and pressing it to her chest. He nods, understanding, nuzzling into her cheek with a deeply contented sigh.
They hold each other for a long moment before Ben moves to lift her off of him, likely wanting to lay them down and curl his frame protectively around her, but she shakes her head quickly.
“No, don’t— stay,” she whispers, wrapping her arms around his torso. “Please .”
Rey feels his lips pull into a smile against her shoulder and allows her eyes to drift shut. She hums in sleepy satisfaction at the feeling of him softening inside her and hugs him tighter, finding herself unwilling to separate an inch, even as his spend begins to trickle out of her in an uncomfortable mess.
Sticky tonight, ‘fresher tomorrow.
No big deal.
A long silence passes with only the faint, muffled noise of the continuing celebrations outside leaking through the ship’s hull.
“How long do you think they’ll keep up the party?” she asks with a giggle.
“All night. Unless they all pass out drunk.”
“Ben, do you think anyone else is celebrating this same way right now?”
“I hope so. There’s no greater peace than this,” he sighs gently.
They’re sealed off from the world outside, warm with love, enclosed within their own private sanctuary. One final thought pushes its way to the forefront of Rey’s sleep-addled mind.
“Ben?”
“Hmm?”
“Will we love each other forever?” she asks. “Even when we’re old and our bodies are falling apart?”
“Nothing in this galaxy has the power to pull me away from you.” His voice is firm and resolute. “I’ll love you everyday… in this life and the eternal one after, I promise you.”
“I’ll hold you to that, Ben Solo.”
“Speaking of the name Solo ...” he hums, pausing for a moment as a flash of spontaneity and nerves flicker through his presence, “you could— I mean, if you wanted ... share that with me... one day?”
Rey lifts her face from the cradle of his neck and catches his eyes, and all traces of exhaustion vanish in an instant.
“Ben, are you— are you asking me to m- marry you?” She stumbles over the words, filled with disbelief at the way he’d managed to pluck the deepest desire from her subconscious and bring it to fruition.
“Well,” he raises his shoulders in a shrug and she rolls her eyes affectionately at his feigned nonchalance. “We’re joined in every other way but by law. I’d like to cover all my bases, I guess...”
She’d be lying if she were to say the thought had never crossed her mind, flashing by on quiet occasions and disappearing just as quickly. Even back on Jakku as a young girl, she’d wondered what it’d be like to fall in love, marry someone, maybe start a new life and a family of her own. Sometimes a ship would land at Niima outpost and a boy around her age might be among the crew. He might glance at her, loneliness and adolescent intrigue would find her glancing back as he’d pass by, but she’d never allowed herself anymore than a look. Constantly warned away from travellers by the older, wiser women around the scrap tables, she’d eventually buried those childish dreams beneath the harsh reality of her life and had subsequently long forgotten them. Or so she’d thought.
But the war is over, she thinks, staring back at Ben as he mirrors the smile on her face, waiting for an answer.
I could have that now. I deserve it... don’t I?
Getting married to Ben… Rey Solo?
She kisses him fiercely to answer his question, lips holding his hostage for as long as the air in their lungs will allow. When they eventually pull apart, tears of a different kind sparkle in her eyes. Her nose scrunches and cheeks dimple with an excited grin.
“We could build a home?” she asks, her voice breathy and hopeful.
“Anywhere we want, or maybe nowhere at all.” He purses his lips, considering for a moment. “We could just live in this old rust-bucket and travel forever.”
Her eyelashes flutter, anxious about the next question on the tip of her tongue, her one other shy hope for her future. “We could… maybe have a family? One of our own, I mean— if we wanted?”
Her heart sinks when Ben doesn’t respond. Instead, he slides her out of his lap, laying them both down and pulling her bare back into the solid wall of his chest. She wonders if he’s simply unable, or unwilling to answer her question. Too much self-doubt to form any words and potentially shatter her dreams swims unabashedly through her mind.
Maybe he just doesn’t want that…
She deflates slightly and chews on her lip, trying to mask her disappointment from him. A moment later, he surprises her when one of his large hands slides over the flat expanse of her belly and he smiles into her hair.
“I think... I’d love that.” Her heart skips a beat, renewed hope filling her chest. Ben rubs a palm over her skin. She can feel him imagining how it would feel, swollen beneath his hand. “You’d be so beautiful , holding a life inside you.”
Rey’s cheeks flush red in the dim light of the cabin. The intimacy of his confession and the deep, primal desire evident in his voice sends a sharp bolt of longing through her tired body. She reaches down and places her hand over his.
“But not yet,” she murmurs, turning her face into the pillow to smother her grin.
“No, probably not yet,” Ben chuckles behind her. “I’m not ready to share you with another person, no matter how small they may be...”
Probably. Her mind latches onto that one word, thinking of the little implant in her arm, surprised by the tiny flicker of resentment she feels toward it despite only seconds before telling Ben not yet.
We could have, tonight… only minutes ago if it weren’t for that.
Would I have felt it? The very second it happened?
Would Ben feel it too?
I hope we’ll find out, one day.
Rey shakes herself free from her thoughts and twists her body around in his arms, humming as she cranes her neck and kisses the underside of his jaw.
One step at a time.
“Anyways, about what you mentioned before …”
“You becoming my wife, and I your husband? ” he clarifies smugly without missing a beat.
“Yeah, that… how about tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow?” His voice rises excitedly. She grins and nods, pleased with her decision.
“But— I mean, we don’t have things ready,” Ben frowns, “there are generally rings, at the very least, and we haven’t even—”
“Hang on.” She stretches her top half off the side of the bunk and fiddles with a panel on the wall.
“What are you—”
“Shhh, wait,” Rey cuts him off. There’s a loud clatter as the panel falls to the floor moments before she grunts and yanks on something, hard. Ben jumps as the cabin lights spark out and the emergency lamp flickers on in their place.
I’ll fix that tomorrow, it’s a worthy sacrifice.
Rey awkwardly twists back to face him, holding two thin, broken pieces of wire in her hand with a pleased grin – one yellow, the other dark blue.
“Did you just… rip those out from the wall?” Ben asks, dumbfounded as he looks between her hand and the sparking panel beside their bunk.
She raises an incredulous eyebrow at his bewildered expression - the way his eyes flicker momentarily to her still-bare breasts not going unnoticed - and holds out her palm, clicking her fingers impatiently until he finally places his hand into hers.
“This is all we need,” Rey whispers.
Her brow scrunches in concentration as she delicately winds the dark blue wire around his finger, praying it’s the right one, and extends her hand, passing Ben the yellow wire to do the same for her.
He lays a kiss on her finger and smiles at her resourceful determination.
“Tomorrow.”