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1.
Whatever you’re expecting this story to be, it’s not, because Colin actually likes who he is, and when he doesn’t, he just has to tell himself that he’s a strong and capable man and things usually work themselves out.
He’s not ashamed of being gay. Hasn’t been for a while. But not many people know - really, just his family, Isaac, and whatever dudes on Grindr with utterly no knowledge of football there are that he’s hooked up with over the years.
Because even though Colin’s not ashamed of who he is, he’s still a Premier League football player. And even though it’s the 21st century, it’s still tough to be publicly out in this line of work. It’s unfortunate, but it’s true.
Maybe, someday, Colin will do some sort of interview, but…he’s not exactly ready for that quite yet.
The problem, you see, is really with Bantr. He’s on it because he has to be for Keeley’s sake, and also because it is the team’s sponsor and all. But he hasn’t really been taking it seriously as of late, because even if he makes a real connection with a bloke that goes beyond just plain sex, it’ll be hard to keep it a secret.
So far, though, it’s just been more mindless one-night stands. Colin hasn’t had an actual relationship since his girlfriend in Year 12, and never with another man. And he supposes that’s just how it’ll have to be for a while.
He’s got a meet-up tonight with someone he’s been chatting with for a week. Colin had been extra careful to make sure that the bloke’s not a sports type of guy - and since Colin isn’t exactly Roy fucking Kent, hopefully no average person will recognize him.
Hopefully.
park on habersham street, LionMan323 says after Colin gets out of the showers. i will be there at 8 by the large tree next to the fountain😎😎😎
Colin messages back, Sounds good. I’ll be there, and cancels his previous plans for the night with Isaac.
“Fine,” Isaac says. “But you’d better give me all the dirt tomorrow morning, bruv, or no haircut this season.”
Colin swears up and down that any dirt there is, Isaac will receive. The risk of losing his McAdoo cut this year is not one that Colin is willing to take.
So Colin parks the Lambo on Habersham at 7:58 that night and crosses his fingers for a bear or a beefcake. It’s been a minute since he’s had one of them, all right? Especially since those tend to be the types to actually know a thing or two about AFC Richmond.
It’s a nice night, though. Good autumn chill to the air and all, and not many people around the area. Colin wonders if he’ll be spending the night at his hook-up’s place or at his own.
When he sees who’s standing under the tree by the fountain, Colin nearly chokes on his own saliva.
“Oh, no fucking way,” he says loudly. “You’re shitting me.”
Dani Rojas glances up from his phone, and his face splits into a grin. “Hola, Colin! I did not expect to see you here tonight. What a…oh, what is the word in English - ?”
“Coincidence,” Colin mutters. He shakes his head. “Dani, what are you doing here?”
Dani holds up his phone. “I am meeting someone from Bantr here for a date. What are you doing?”
Colin ignores him. “A girl?”
Dani hesitates for the smallest fraction of seconds. “Uh, sí. Sí. A girl.”
“Fucking hell.” Colin pinches the bridge of his nose. “Are you LionMan323?”
Dani blinks. “…HotlineCardiff?”
Colin pinches harder. “Jesus Christ…”
And dammit, Dani looks good tonight in his leather jacket and distressed jeans. Even his hair seems more fabulous than usual, which is not fucking helping Colin’s predicament here.
“Lo siento,” Dani says apologetically. “I did not know you were attracted to men as well as women.”
“Nope,” Colin grunts. “Just men.”
“Oh,” says Dani, undeterred. “You did say while chatting that you don’t like fútbol, though.”
“So did you!”
“I know I did. To throw you off of the game.” He shudders. “It was muy díficil. Fútbol is life.”
“Look,” Colin says, ready to just get out of here and forget this ever happened. “I don’t tell anyone, you don’t tell anyone, right?”
Dani nods.
“Great.” Colin opens his phone. “If you’ll excuse me, I have a real hook-up to arrange on Grindr.”
“…You mean we aren’t going to go to bed together?”
Colin stares at Dani like he’s gone insane.
“Have you gone insane?” Colin demands. “We can’t sleep together. Especially since we’re on the same team. It wouldn’t be good for either of us.”
Dani shrugs, seeming utterly unfazed. “It does not have to mean anything.”
Colin readies himself to fire back another retort, but then he thinks about that. He thinks about Isaac pressing him for details in the morning. He thinks about pretending to flirt with girls at clubs so that no one else on the team suspects anything. And he thinks about how, if he does this with Dani, something casual and meaningless, then at least he can have someone steady and dependable to count on. Trustworthy.
“I mean, you look at me in the showers,” Dani says. “And you are very handsome yourself. So…”
Colin fights off a blush his body hasn’t forced upon him in ages and says, “No one knows?”
“No one knows,” Dani agrees.
“Ok.” Colin clears his throat, shuffles a bit. “Ok, er - my place? Yours? I drove here, so…”
“I walked,” Dani says. “I’m good either way.”
So that’s how Colin ends up with Dani fucking Rojas in the passenger seat of his car, listening to Mumford and Sons and headed on his way to, well…fuck Dani Rojas.
“You know,” Colin gasps against Dani’s lips, pressed up against the wall next to his flat’s door and already tangling his fingers in Dani’s bloody perfect hair. “It’s easier this way. We can - ah, shit - talk to each other about things.”
“Yes,” Dani says in agreement, and then Colin tugs on his hair and he groans, “Yes, madre de Dios - “ and presses their hips together and then they’re tumbling into bed together and it’s way better than a rando from Grindr would have been, and and and…
Colin wakes up to loud Spanish singing and the shower running, and an egg-potato omelette in the frying pan on the stove. He eats breakfast and drives Dani to work and when Isaac asks for deets Colin fabricates something about getting stood up, and later, during practice, Dani makes a goal so effortlessly excellent that Colin actually gets hard, what the hell - and then he has to awkwardly shuffle about and hope that nobody notices it.
When he gets home he wanks off to memories of the night before, and fu - uck.
He bites down on his lower lip when he finishes to the mental image of Dani’s O-face and really hopes this doesn’t all come back to kick him in the arse in the future.
2.
Actually, it’s a month before they do it a second time. There’s away-games and late practices and family in town, and they don’t exactly carve out a night for it to happen again, not really. Or maybe, Colin muses, they’re both too big of a pussy to be the one to initiate it.
They sext a bit every now and then - sessions over Bantr, not text message, that leave Colin wanting more every time they end - but nothing else physical happens until they’re out at a club for Coach Beard’s birthday, and Jamie gets so utterly pissed that Colin and Dani have to haul him outside so he can miserably puke his guts out into the bushes.
“Sad to see,” Dani says, watching Jamie groan and use a leaf to wipe sick off his lower lip. “His head will hurt like crazy tomorrow.”
“We’ve all been there,” Colin says, and Dani nods in agreement.
“Sí, but I think he was trying to convince that girl at the bar to go home with him tonight.”
“Well,” Colin says lightly. “That’s definitely not happening.”
Dani shakes his head. “No.”
Jamie’s stomach gurgles and he throws himself towards the foliage again.
“You look nice tonight,” Dani says quietly, while Jamie is otherwise distracted.
Colin tenses. “Yeah, er - “ He clears his throat. “You too, mate.”
“I cannot stop thinking about us,” Dani continues softly, and Jamie is right there and Colin wishes - wishes - that Dani would stop. “That night after the park. At your apartment. It was good Colin, it was so good.” He swallows. Colin watches the bobbing of his throat and aches deep in his bones. “And I do not know how to ask you to touch me like that again.”
“Dani,” Colin murmurs. “Dani, not here.”
“I know.” Dani exhales, pupils blown wide with adrenaline and alcohol. “Lo siento, Colin. I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok,” Colin says quickly. “Dani, it’s fine. We just can’t do this here, yeah?”
Dani nods. “Yeah. Sí. I know.”
“Ok,” Colin repeats. "It's ok."
“What the fuck are you two poofs talkin’ about?” Jamie slurs, and Dani and Colin call him a car and shove him unceremoniously into the back of it before he can do anything he'll regret.
“Should we go back inside?” Dani asks, and Colin hesitates, checks to make sure that the coast is clear, and kisses him, hard.
Dani is all too quick to reciprocate.
“Your place this time?” Colin asks breathlessly, fisting his hands into the collar of Dani’s jacket. “It’s closer, innit?”
“It is.” Dani loops his fingers in Colin’s belt-loops. “We can take my car.”
“Sure,” Colin says, because Isaac gave him a ride here. “I’ll drive.”
“No, you will not,” Dani says with no room for argument, and fuck, all right, so he knows that Colin’s a bit reckless on the road, so what.
It’s not going to stop Colin from getting all handsy with Dani while he drives. Or sucking him off just inside the door.
Colin wakes up the next morning with a muscled arm slung over his back and Dani’s face pressed into the back of his neck, breathing deep, tender, everywhere.
Fucking shit, Colin realizes.
This whole thing was a terrible idea.
Of course, they don't stop after that. If anything, they do it way more frequently - once a week, at least.
Dani has the prettiest eyes of anyone Colin has ever seen in his life.
Fucking. Shit.
3.
They lost their away game, three - nil, and it was kind of Colin’s fault. He hadn’t passed to Sam when he should have, and the ball didn’t make it in the net, and so that sort of fucked them over for the rest of the half, and -
Well. Coach Lasso and all the others say he shouldn’t blame himself, but Colin’s smart enough to know better.
When they get back to their hotel room, Isaac is so pissed off about the loss that he storms out the door to go get shit-faced with a couple of the others on the team. Even though he's invited, Colin doesn’t go with him, and plans to spend the remainder of the night wallowing in his own self-pity and doubt like a fucking prat.
Strong and capable man, my arse.
He finds a channel playing Cars 2 and watches Lightning fucking McQueen race against an Italian car voiced by John Turturro for a solid thirty minutes. He does this with an empty feeling in the pit of his gut until somebody knocks on the door, and Colin has half a mind to tell Coach to just eff off, mate, but when he opens the door, it’s Dani, dressed in sweatpants and not much else.
“Hola, amigo,” he says, face for once looking somber instead of joyful. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah.” Colin steps aside. Screw it, right?
He shuts the door, and Dani hugs him. Colin lets him do it, too, even though he knows it’s a bad idea, Dani’s bare torso and his warm body, all so close, all so off-limits in this situation.
But Colin hugs back.
“Some people don’t like this movie, you know,” Dani says. Colin feels the low rumbles of Dani's words vibrate across his entire body, against Colin’s chest.
“Really?”
Dani hums. “They call it a bad sequel. I think it is fun.”
“Yeah,” Colin says. “Me too.”
And what the fuck?
“Hey, Dani?” Colin says.
“¿Sí?”
“Can we stop talking about Cars?” Colin says. “And get in the bed?”
Dani doesn’t even hesitate. He lifts Colin in his arms (which is definitely not something Colin realized he was into until right now), carries him the short distance to his bed, and crawls in next to him over-top of the covers.
“We don’t have to,” Dani says quietly, fingers skimming lightly against the line of Colin’s jaw. "We don't have to, Colin."
“But I want to,” Colin says, because he does. “You just have to be out of here before Isaac comes back.”
Dani nods like it pains him. “I can do that.”
It’s a completely shit thing to do, but they do it. This time is - it’s different. In comparison to every time before, it’s so much different. They hold each other, near and gentle instead of rough or passionate, and - when they’re done Colin’s heart wrenches as he realizes the truth.
And then he realizes that he has to stop all this.
“Dani?”
“Hm?”
“Please leave.”
Dani glances over at him. “¿Estás bien?”
“Please,” Colin repeats. He shuts his eyes and thinks about how damn tired he is right now. “I can’t - we can’t do this anymore, Dani. It was a mistake. We shouldn't have even started."
Dani is silent for a moment, and Colin feels ill.
“Oh,” Dani says, eventually. “Yo entiendo. I will leave you alone. Prometo.”
He stands up from the bed, and Colin feels his absence like a missing tooth.
“It was not your fault,” is the last thing Dani says to him, and then, “Buenas noches.”
He leaves.
Colin feels sicker.
+ 1.
So they stop. They don’t meet up in storage closets or empty showers, in parks or their own flats. They don’t message on Bantr, and they don’t text normally, either. On the pitch everything stays the same, but they avoid each other in the locker rooms, if they can help it.
Isaac notices. Colin tells him it’s nothing. Sam notices. Colin says he’s making things up. Jan notices and Colin just ignores him and his stupid Dutch forwardness.
(He wonders if anyone asks Dani about it.)
(He wonders why the fuck he cares so much.)
(He knows why.)
Colin eventually deletes Bantr off his phone, and even gets rid of Grindr, at least for the time being. He’s in a stew and he needs out, and he’s also a bit sexually frustrated but there’s nothing he can do about that because every time he closes his eyes he thinks of Dani.
Fucking Dani Rojas. Jesus bloody Christ of bloody Nazareth.
I am a strong and capable man. I am a strong and capable man.
“You said you wanted to see me, Coach?”
Coach Lasso shuts the door behind him. Thank God the rest of the so-called Diamond Dogs aren’t here; Colin always feels slightly uncomfortable when in the room with Coach Beard. The man’s energy is simply…indescribable.
“Yeah, Colin, thanks for comin’ in.”
Coach Lasso sits. Colin doesn’t.
Coach Lasso clears his throat. “Now, I don’t want to be diggin’ around in all your personal business. But the other coaches and I have noticed that there’s been some…tension, between you and Dani lately. And seein’ as you two were about as tight as two peas in a pod before, I just want to make sure everything’s all right with y’all.”
Colin sighs. “Did Isaac put you up to this?”
“He may have mentioned it to me,” Coach Lasso says. “But in all honesty, I was wantin’ to speak on it, too. Since Isaac brought it up that he was worried about you, I decided I’d try you first.”
“You could have just referred me to Dr. Fieldstone,” Colin mutters.
“I know,” Coach says. “And if you’d rather talk to her, I understand.”
Colin shakes his head. “I don’t mind. It’s…me and Dani, you see, we’ve just gotten into a bit of a rough patch. We’ll be fine.”
A beat.
“Now, I’ve seen some bad lyin’ in my time,” Coach says. “But that, Mr. Colin Hughes, was worse than the time on the playground that Jessie Haliwell tried to convince me that eatin’ worms would give me super-powers.”
Colin frowns. “Did it work?”
“No, it did not, and I have the intestinal records from the hospital to prove it.” Coach steeples his fingers. “Colin, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I just wanna make sure that everything’s all right with you, and if you need anything from me, I’d be more than happy to - “
“We slept together,” Colin blurts.
Coach stops talking.
Colin, fighting through a scalding flush in his face, says, “More than once. Several times, actually. Like, we basically had a schedule for it.”
“All right,” Coach says slowly, seeming taken-aback but not necessarily shocked. “And…you stopped?”
Colin shakes his head in despair. “I had to. I couldn’t let anyone know about it. The tabloids would have a field day. We’d have fans wanting us kicked out of the League. It was just too risky.”
“And…?” Coach Lasso prompts. Damn his stupid mustachioed face for being able to read Colin so well.
Colin shuts his eyes tight. “And I think I fell in love with him along the way,” he says through gritted teeth. “And it hurt like hell, so I told him we had to stop.”
“Oh,” Coach says quietly.
Colin opens his eyes again. “He’s just so much, Coach. I can’t - “
“I understand.” Coach stands up, seems like he wants to walk around the desk to where Colin is, and thinks better of it. “Colin, I need you to know that no matter what, you are a member of this team. And if you find a guy some day that makes your whole world spin, and you can’t hide him?” Coach shakes his head. “You shouldn’t have to. And you’ll have the full support of everyone here, whatever you decide to do.”
Colin thinks, Thank you.
He thinks, I'm pretty sure that I’ve already found my world-spinner and that I’ve driven him away completely.
He says, “Ok.”
“Ok,” Coach echoes. “Ok, Colin. If you ever need to talk, I’m here.”
Colin nods. “Yeah. Thanks.” He coughs. “Have a nice night, Coach.”
“You too.”
Maybe Coach Lasso talks to Dani, too. Maybe he doesn’t. Nothing much in the dynamic between Colin and Dani seems to change, and Isaac eventually stops prodding. Even after just a few days since his conversation with Coach, Colin is exhausted, more than he was before.
He misses Dani’s tortilla. He misses his clothes all over Colin’s flat’s floor.
In short, he fucking misses Dani Rojas, and it blows harder than anything. Dr. Fieldstone listens to Colin talk about it, but he’s not sure if it really helps him in the long run. Things stay the same miserable way they’ve been staying.
They beat Everton. Again. The first half is bad, but the second is glorious, and Thierry saves most of Everton’s balls and Dani sinks the winning goal, screaming at the top of his lungs within the heart of a crowded pile of other sweaty men. Colin runs out to meet the rest of them, unable to keep the grin off his face, and he locks eyes with Dani from five meters away and feels like all the wind gets knocked out of him at once.
Dani beams. Colin, like a fool, beams back.
Dani extricates himself from the excited mass of footballers and launches himself at Colin with such enthusiasm that he manages to lift him off his feet.
“Fútbol is life!” he shouts, and Colin thumps him on the back and shouts back, “Damn right it is!” and for this one split second, the noise of the crowd fades away and they are the only two people in the entire stadium.
And Colin kisses him. Just for a moment. A peck, really.
Dani jerks backwards, eyes wide. “No. Are you sure? The cameras - “
“I fucking love you,” Colin says, and he means every word. “And I want to kiss you on national TV in front of seventy-five-thousand people.”
Dani’s eyes sparkle. “Let me put you down first, mi vida,” he says, and the second Colin’s cleats touch the grass, he’s pulling Colin into a bruising and achingly familiar kiss, and Colin is kissing back with as much fervor as he can muster - which right now, is a hell of a lot.
Colin grabs two fistfuls of Dani’s jersey and blocks out all sound. Dani’s hands brand themselves searingly where they rest on Colin’s cheeks.
The stadium doesn’t go quiet. But it feels like it does.
“WHAT THE FUCK!”
Isaac hurls himself into them, effectively breaking them apart, and commanding their immediate and direct attention. “Colin, you cheeky bastard sonofabitch, you so aren’t getting any haircuts from me this season!”
“I had no idea!” Sam smiles, joyous and wide. “You two make a fantastically wonderful couple. Congratulations!”
“Oi,” Jamie says. “So, er, when did this all start, yeah? Because depending on your answer, I might owe Bumbercatch a hell of a lot of money that I’m not too keen on paying him.”
Dani laughs with a sound like bells ringing. Colin laughs too, blood thumping. And they both collapse under a Royal Navy’s worth of pure footballer.
Coach Lasso gives them both a personal hug of congrats. Ms. Welton even flashes them a genuine smile. Roy doesn’t say much (to be expected) but is nice enough to tell all the clamoring reporters outside the locker room to fuck right off, thank you very much.
Later in the hotel room, Dani’s head against his chest, Colin watches the clip of the pair of them on the big screen at the game. It all happens so fast. The grins on their faces. Colin's arms in the air. No footage of the first quick kiss, but a slow pan on them once the camera realizes that something is going on, that they aren’t moving out of this embrace quick enough to be considered appropriately platonic and heterosexual. The roar of sound when Dani kisses him and the surprised voice-overs of the commentators. The big team-pile and the zoom on Colin and Dani running off the pitch together, hand-in-hand.
“Don’t check Twitter,” Dani mutters sleepily, interrupting Colin's musings. “Twitter is loco.”
“Yeah.” Colin sets his phone down finally, breathes in deep. “Yeah, I know.” He smiles down at Dani. “Comfortable?”
Dani doesn’t open his eyes, but his mouth twists into a grin. “Siempre.”
Colin swallows down a sudden lump in his throat. He reaches and switches off the lamp.
“Te amo, Colin,” Dani says. “Buenas noches.”
“Yeah,” Colin says. He runs his fingers through Dani’s raven hair and knows that no matter what happens with the news and the fans and the League, they’ll have each other.
“Te amo, too, Dani.”
Dani smiles.
Colin smiles back.