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Levi looks at himself in the mirror. His hair is slicked back and he thinks it looks stupid, but Erwin tells him that it’s fine, so he decides to believe him. His dress shirt is half unbuttoned, but he’s not focused on that now. He’s pissed, that he has to go to a stupid motherfucking dinner with Erwin and the rest of the company, but he knows he has to. He’s been giving Erwin hell for at least a week, nitpicking at most of the things he’s been doing, and starting fights for the sake of fighting.
He buttons up the shirt, and throws on his suit jacket. He knows this will be good for Erwin. The dinner will help him feel secure in his job, and maybe it will help Levi to cool down a bit.
Actually, he doubts the last part, but he can dream. They’ve always been like this—Levi is temperamental, and Erwin’s ego is too big to fit through the door.
Erwin’s pride is everything. He works day and night, he’s made it to the top of his company, and he intends to keep things that way. Levi doesn’t fit into that picture, and he knows it. He has trouble in public, never mind at social gatherings, and he knows that Erwin winces whenever he opens his mouth.
That being said, he has no fucking clue as to why Erwin insists that he attends their company’s dinner. Levi’s not that high up in the company, and he’s never heard of the dinner before, though it apparently has been going on annually for almost five years.
More likely than not, there was a reason the invitations never extended to him. Levi is no good at politics, especially in large, public settings. At work, he communicates mostly through Hanji, and is chastised at meetings for his bluntness and “insensitivity.”
He watches Erwin get himself dressed up in a white dress shirt and simple suit jacket. Still, he looks stunning. He almost feels bad, at how shabby he looks in comparison, but he reminds himself that it’s fine. Erwin is the figurehead after all, and Levi doesn’t need any unnecessary attention drawn to himself.
He strides across the room and presses his lips against Erwin’s cheek, then his neck. “You look fucking hot,” Levi hums against Erwin’s skin, curling against the larger man in the middle of their kitchen. It’s getting dark out, and they should be leaving soon, but Levi still has his arms locked around Erwin’s torso while he inhales the deep scent of Erwin’s cologne and the lingering smell of shampoo.
“As do you,” Erwin murmurs, and Levi can feel him smiling against the top of his head.
They share a chaste kiss, and walk to the dinner. Like most things in the city, it’s close to their home.
The looks he gets from the other guests are a mix of confusion and disgust. His team is used to him and his always sour expression, but he forgets that it isn’t normal to others. Erwin leads him around, introducing him to the corporate employees that Levi only knows by name. They’re the ones that call the shots, and send the papers for them to fill out.
They were the ones that made Erwin’s life a living hell. It was common for him to get the shit end of the stick, especially when it came to planning meetings, budgeting, and almost anything with a deadline that required even a menial amount of cooperation.
It was this sort of shit that Levi couldn’t stand. He hated watching Erwin talk to these men like they were close friends, even though they could kick him onto the streets at any moment. He hated them constantly reminding the blond how much time he had wasted, and how if he had managed it all better, the budget would have been completed sooner.
Levi sneered at the man Erwin was speaking to. He had already forgotten his name, and he honestly couldn’t have given less of a shit. It was that whiny, overly pompous voice that really grated on his nerves. He wanted to fucking punch that arrogant look off of the man’s face, but that just wouldn’t do.
Instead, when asked of his opinion of the situation, he rolled his eyes. He probably should have lied, but that was never his style. After all, why would the man ask if he didn’t want his honest opinion? “If you hadn’t been dragging your feet with the budget, it would have been finished in time,” Levi snaps, too fast for Erwin to get his words in.
“Oh?”
This time, Erwin tries to flash a fake smile, but Levi knows he’s upset. “Levi, you can’t just say—“
“But I can. What’s the difference between your blame and mine? If you’re going to honestly ask my opinion, what’s the point in censoring my response?” Levi continues, and he sees Erwin’s mouth pull into a taut line.
“Regardless, Levi, there were many complications in the budget planning this year, and I don’t think we can say that any one person in particular is to blame.’
“Damn, you sure are good at kissing ass,” Levi grumbles, and excuses himself from the conversation to go to the table Hanji is residing at.
“Decided to show up, shit glasses?” Levi slips into the seat next to Hanji after grabbing a drink from the bar.
“I always do. This is your first time, right?”
“Boring as shit.”
“Always is,” they say with a grin, and take a sip of their own drink. “Where’s Erwin?”
“Talking to another one of the corporate assholes.”
Hanji shrugs, and looks around the room. “He likes that sort of thing, though,” they say with a sideways glance back at Levi. “His father wanted him to be a politician, y’know?”
“That manipulative bastard would be good at it.”
Hanji chuckles softly, and sits straight up as they looked across the room. “Oh, I think he’s waving to you, Levi.” Hanji points across the room, and Levi’s eyes follow, resting on Erwin’s stone cold face.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m going.” Levi downs his drink and moves across the room, more aggravated than anything else. “Yes, Erwin?”
“Come with me,” Erwin demands, and Levi tenses up at the hardness of his voice. It’s not like his boyfriend, to speak like this.
As soon as they turn the corner, other dinner guests out of sight, Levi leans against the wall, hands crossed over his chest and head tilted away from the larger man. “What’s up?” he asks, but he’s not interested in the least.
Erwin’s hand locks onto his jaw, but Levi still looks away. He doesn’t like this. He’s not Erwin’s child, and there’s no reason for him to be in a fucking time out while the blond berates him and gets in his fucking face. He wants to be left alone, he wants to go home and read a book, or do his taxes. Really, anything but this. “Are you listening to me?” Erwin finally growls, slamming his free hand against the wall, dangerously close to Levi’s face. It’s a warning, the tone of his voice. It sends a cold shiver up Levi’s spine, but he doesn’t budge.
Instead of flinching, his eyes narrow, and he twists his lips into a scowl. It’s that look that makes him want to kill Erwin. Skip the berating, skip the antics, what’s the fucking point? “What, fuckface?”
“Everyone’s going to start talking. Learn how to act around people, and try to act like an adult for once,” Erwin warns, voice steady.
It’s that look, that stupid disciplining, condescending look that Erwin gives him. Levi knows he should just nod and brush it off, but he doesn’t. He never does. He doesn’t want Erwin to control him, so he spits in his face and pulls away when the blond goes to wipe it off. “Levi.” It’s gross, yeah, but for once Levi doesn’t care about that. He’d do it again in a heartbeat, and he feels oddly satisfied at Erwin’s frustration.
“I’m going home. Finish up your party on your own.”
“You’re being ridiculous, it’s—“
“Never speak to me like I am your child.” Levi’s voice is cold, and he knows it will take Erwin by surprise. He turns on his heel and storms out of the building, bypassing Hanji and Mike without a second thought. He doesn’t give a shit about the party, about the stupid assholes that are going to talk for hours on end about politics and the failing economy. It’s all the same shit. The cons are nothing new, the fake smiles are worse, and it all makes Levi want to heave.
Nanaba is at the door talking to Eren, who all but grabs him on the way out. “Levi? Where’s Erwin?”
“What, do you think we’re attached at the fucking hip, Jaeger?”
“No, I uh, I’m sorry, I—“
“I’m late for something. Enjoy the evening,” Levi spits, much harsher than he intends to, and he can see Eren visibly tense up. He’s young, and he’s new to the job. Levi knows that the boy isn’t used to his demeanor yet, but he could care less.
“Yeah. See you in the office tomorrow,” Eren manages to get out, and Levi only rolls his eyes in response. He doesn’t mean to be cruel to this kid, but he can’t help it. The longer he’s here, the worse it gets. He can’t fucking stand events like this, and he wants to go home.
It’s not too cold out, and their apartment is only a few miles away, so he buttons up his coat and starts his trek to his apartment.
~~
The door swings open, clattering against the already dented front wall of the apartment, and Levi’s head snaps up from his book. He’s told Erwin a hundred fucking times not to slam the door on his way in, but this time he doesn’t say anything. He waits until Erwin storms over to the couch and towers over him, and even then, only raises a brow at his lover’s seething form.
“Do you know what they asked me for the rest of the night?” Levi shakes his head, but he knows Erwin is fucking pissed. “‘Where’s Levi?’ ‘Oh, where’s your coworker, he was here just a minute ago,’” Erwin practically screams, getting right in Levi’s face again. Their noses are practically mashing against each other, and he doesn’t like that.
He does not like that at all. Levi tries to lean backwards, but the blond closes the space between them again. “You’re not getting out of this, Levi. What the hell were you acting like such a brat for?”
“Erwin, do not speak—“
“To you like you’re a child? What the hell else am I supposed to call it, Levi? Do you think I was impressed by your tantrum?”
Levi’s face is burning, and he knows that’s why he’s angry. It’s bubbling up in his chest and into his throat, threatening to escape. He’s not a child, he’s not incapable of composing himself, he’s not a fucking hindrance.
“Get out of my fucking face,” Levi hums, voice even and slow. He watches Erwin’s eyes scan his face, looking for some sort of emotion. Nothing. He knows he can cover that shit up easy, and he knows Erwin hates it more than his ‘tantrums’.
“You have nothing to say? This isn’t just my reputation, you’re fucking the both of us over.”
“I am? Do you know how many people watched your side of our little spat?” Erwin is getting fed up. Levi can tell by the twitch of his eye and the tightening of his jaw. It’s a slight change, but he knows when this bastard really gets into a mood.
“If you had been considerate of the situation, it would never have been an issue.”
“Everything I spoke was the truth.”
The blond lets out a frustrated groan, and turns away from Levi. “That’s not the fucking point. You’re impossible to deal with.”
Being called a child is one thing. Erwin shitting on his entire existence is completely different. He shoots up from the couch, hands slamming hard into Erwin’s chest. He knows the man won’t move at all, and he doesn’t, but it at least makes Levi feel a bit better, like he actually accomplished something.
What he doesn’t expect is for Erwin to jerk forward and lift his hand, palm open and face tight. Levi moves forward, calling his bluff. He won’t hit him now, they have work tomorrow, and the blond isn’t violent anyway.
Erwin’s upper lip twitches, and neither of them move. “Come on, hit me. You want to, don’t you?” It feels like the words aren’t his, like they’re coming out of someone else’s mouth. Levi laughs wildly, and shakes his head. “Fucking do it. As hard as you can, shithead, come on, fucking get me!”
It was quick, like the crack of a whip. Levi felt his head snap to the side, and his hands hit the ground, but it didn’t seem real. He knew Erwin had struck him, and slowly, he became aware of the dull tingling that bloomed on the entire left side of his face. He thinks he should be shocked, probably, but he looks up and sees that Erwin seems to be doing most of that. His hand is still in the air, and his eyes are wide, like he just struck an animal. Does he expect Levi to fight him?
“What, Erwin? Was that good?” Nothing comes from Erwin’s mouth. His lips move, trying to speak silent words that he can’t comprehend. “Go ahead, hit me again.” He knows he’s egging the larger man on, and he knows that Erwin will feel guilty as hell tomorrow. There’s something to that that makes his blood cold, and his stomach twist inside of him. It should kill him inside, but he’s lulled himself into a state of apathetic glee at Erwin’s distress.
Instead of striking him, Erwin kneels on the ground and rests his hand on the back of Levi’s neck while he takes in shallow breaths in a pathetic attempt to compose himself. “Get up, and go to bed.”
“I’m going to smoke a blunt first,” Levi mumbles, and hoists himself onto his feet. He knows that’ll piss Erwin off. From day one, he had been against Levi’s drug use.
Erwin nods, pressing his lips into a thin line. Either he understands, or he doesn’t want to argue. “Levi?” he finally calls as Levi is digging through their bedroom for his rolling papers.
“Hm?” he sticks his head into the doorway, eventually deciding to come into the kitchen. “What?”
“I fucking hate you, you know that?”
“Whatever.”
He’s not going to continue this—a broken nose during his business meetings just won’t do.
He rolls a blunt and lets it hang between his lips as he makes his way to the balcony. It’s been a while, since he smoked. He doesn’t really want to, but he already committed, and if he’s going to spend the night on the couch he might as well get as good of a night’s sleep as he can.
Levi’s getting too old for this, and he knows it. He smokes the blunt away, and stands outside until chills from the wind begin to lick at his skin, breaking it into gooseflesh. He wants to feel something. The relationship is falling apart beneath his feet, and there should be something there. Some sort of despair, agony, anything.
Instead, all Levi can feel is the numbing high, which he decides is more than enough.
~~
Levi knew that Erwin’s hit would bruise him, but he’s still breathless at the sigh in the mirror. The entire left side of his face is turning a sickly purple, and he hisses even before his fingers move up to touch it. It’s painful, he already knows that, but he touches the skin anyway to confirm the thought.
At work, he knows people will ask questions. It’s too obvious, the way that the bruise is splayed out on his face, but he doesn’t have a choice. He showers and pulls his clothes on, forces himself to eat breakfast, and is out the door.
He knows Hanji will be the first to notice. After all, they had already contacted him about his sudden exit at Erwin’s event, and they had never been one to drop something easily. He grabs coffee from across the street before settling into his office, dreading the sound of footsteps that were already nearing his door.
“You ditched last night, didn’t you?”
Levi rolls his eyes, and turns around in his chair to face Hanji. “I had places to be,” he lies, and Hanji sees right through it. Unfortunately, they’re not stupid, and sit on the other side of his desk with their mouth pulled into a taut line.
“That’s one hell of a bruise there, Levi. What, you go street fighting or something?”
“I don’t do that shit anymore,” he snaps, but automatically covers the bruise in response. He tries to be subtle, but it’s not worth it. Not with Hanji.
“Erwin did it, then.”
“No, I—“
“What, you about to tell me that you punched yourself in the face? Come on, Levi.”
Levi’s hand drops onto his desk, revealing his bruised skin. It’s that same vomit worthy feeling of a child being scolded by their mother, and it makes him want to scream.
“It’s fine.”
“Levi, did he hit you?” Hanji asks slowly, as if they hadn’t already drawn the conclusion. They sit up to shut the door, despite Levi’s request for them to leave it. Immediately, the room is smaller. He’s trapped. Trapped in like a fucking animal. He tries to breathe, but the air is thick, and his skin is prickling. “Levi, look at me.”
“No, he didn’t,” Levi lied, getting only a flat look in response. Sick. Sick, sick, gross. The bruise throbs, and he isn’t even touching it. He almost needs to, but he keeps his hands folded under his desk, nails digging into his pants. “I tripped getting into bed last night.”
“You’d be more embarrassed if that were true.” Hanji pulls a mint out of their pocket, unwrapping it and popping it into their mouth. “You shouldn’t have to lie to me about it.”
“I’m not.”
“Do you not want word to get around the office?”
“Would anyone? Shit like that is personal business.”
Hanji rolls their eyes. “Yeah, I guess so. If you need anything, you know where I’ll be.”
Levi tilts his head to the side. “Didn’t you need to talk about work?”
“Huh?”
“You came in here about work, right?”
Hanji shrugs, and swings the door open. “Erwin looked like shit on the way in.”
“So you came to me? Go bother him and let me work in peace.”
Hanji frowns, and adjusts their glasses. “I came because I was worried about you.”
“No reason to be.”
“Well, you know where to find me.”
~~
Erwin kisses around the bruise while Levi lets his arms trace circles on the larger man’s shoulders. “That must hurt.” Levi could scream at him for saying something so stupid, but he only scowls and focus on the wrinkles in his lover’s dress shirt.
“No shit.”
“I’m so sorry, Levi,” he murmurs over and over again. Kisses are trailed over Levi’s face, his neck, his collarbones. He wants it to feel good, so it does. He lets Erwin try to apologize, and lets the larger man pamper him. Erwin makes the two of them dinner—it’s just sandwiches and a couple of beers, but it’s better than having to make it himself. “I lost my temper,” Erwin admits, never once making eye contact with his boyfriend.
“I’m aware.” They both knew that Levi wasn’t the forgiving type.
“You’re angry.”
“Of course I’m angry, stupid,” Levi grumbles, but doesn’t pull away when the blond leans down to kiss him. He lets their tongues intertwine, mouth working against the larger man’s until he feels a cold shudder run down his spine, and he pulls away. “You fucking wrecked my face.”
There’s something about this that he loves. Erwin’s helpless face, maybe, or the dull stinging that’s still blooming on his face. Most definitely, he thinks, there’s something wrong with him. He licks his lips and kisses Erwin again, taking in the taste of coffee and breath mints. “I love you,” Erwin lets slip out, and the smaller man can tell that he feels guilty. He hesitates before kissing Levi’s cheek, then his neck, and touches him as if he were a porcelain doll.
“What’s the matter, old man?” Levi teases, and when he brushes his fingers over his lover’s collarbones, he feels him tense up. His legs are on either side of Erwin’s body, pelvis pressing against the blond’s. “Wanna fuck?” he whispers, blowing a mouthful of hot air against Erwin’s ear.
Erwin licks his lips, and looks away. “This is wrong.” Still, Levi can feel the tightness in Erwin’s pants. It’s all bullshit, the words that come out of his mouth.
“Everything about us is wrong,” Levi says back, planting a ginger kiss on the blond’s lips. Erwin’s eyes flutter shut, and he imitates the action immediately in response. He rolls his hips against the blond’s, coaxing a desperate groan from him.
He enjoys Erwin’s troubled movements, and the way he writhes around, terrified and uncomfortable. He doesn’t want to hurt Levi again, he doesn’t want Levi to feel obligated to fuck him. He slinks down, mouthing at the fabric that covers his lover’s erection, hands tracing around the waistband of his pants.
Erwin pulls him back up to take their clothes off, but as soon as they’re naked, Levi slips back down to his knees and takes Erwin into his mouth. The blond’s body shudders against him, giving him that throb of satisfaction in his chest.
He feels two slicked up fingers circle around his entrance, pushing in one at a time. At first, he fidgets, but tries to focus more on sucking Erwin off. The blond’s cock his hard now, slicked up with sweat and pre cum.
It’s fast, the way Erwin is going after him, but it didn’t matter. Neither of them want to fuck intimately now. This is coping, this is stress relief.
Levi yelps when Erwin flips him over and thrusts into him. He buries his face in the sheets that have been balled up on their bed. It’s sick, how numb his body is, and how he can pretend he’s feeling that same spark they had when they first fucked. He shudders, cock throbbing as Erwin moves in and out of him, warm body all but crushing his smaller frame. It’s strangling him, how close they are. He wants to be alone, he doesn’t want to be here, trapped beneath this man that he’s convinced himself that he loves.
Erwin’s hands play at his cock, jerking him painfully slow to make sure that ripples of pleasure pierce his body. The blond loves him when he’s like this—whimpering and quivering in their sheets like a fucking mess.
Levi rolls his hips, trying to get Erwin deeper inside of him. He needs this, he needs to be fucked senseless. He knows he’s on the brink of coming, but Erwin keeps slowing down to torment him, and make that unbearable pressure in his abdomen grow even larger.
“Erwin, Erwin!” Levi chokes out, sweaty palms pressing hard against Erwin’s chest, nails digging into flesh.
“Do you want to come for me, Levi?”
The smaller man’s body jerks, pushing himself hard against Erwin. His hips move, trying to get that release that he wants so bad, but Erwin stops, cock still pulsing inside of him. He can’t have it, not yet. “Yes, please, Erwin, let me, let me—“
“Fuck, Levi, you’re so hot,” Erwin groans, eyes squeezing shut as Levi moved against him. Levi loves it, how the blond is so overwhelmed by him. His flushed cheeks and shaky breaths make Levi shudder, and Erwin adores that. “Come for me.”
Levi comes with Erwin’s hand around his cock, mouths mashed together in a sloppy kiss that tastes more like sweat and salt than anything else. His back arcs, muscular frame pressing against his lover’s. Moments later, Erwin comes deep inside of Levi, foreheads pressed against each other, warm skin prickling against warm skin. A weak moan slips from Levi’s lips, and he bumps his nose against the blonds before pulling him closer again. It’s disgusting, a mixture of come and sweat crushed between them, but Levi holds on like his life depends on it. They kiss hungrily, movements filled with lust and need.
Still, Levi’s chest feels empty.
It’s agonizing to live like this, but it’s more so to leave. Erwin pulls away, leaving to get his boyfriend a wet cloth. Patterns are what they cling to. It’s safe, with Erwin. He’s unhappy, and maybe he’s no longer stable, but at least there’s a constant. They’ll fight, they’ll scream and hit each other, but neither one of them leaves. There’s always someone to come home to, in the end.
No matter what happens, he’ll never have to be alone.
~~
Levi knows that Erwin is still upset about the dinner. Their coworkers haven’t dropped it, and the blond hadn’t come home on time once this week.
Levi collapses face first onto his bed as soon as he gets back from work and lets out a tired groan.
I’m a fucking masochist.
It’s the first time the thought crosses his mind, but the more he thinks about it, the more it makes sense. He picks his head up from the mattress and looks out the window. Erwin still isn’t home yet, but he doesn’t care. Maybe he’s out for drinks with his coworkers, or maybe he’s out fucking a girl. Levi would have cared a few months ago, but it seems like a waste of energy now.
He crawls off of the bed and makes himself a cup of tea. He could drink right now, but for once he doesn’t want to drink away his thoughts. Levi is content sitting at the kitchen table, carelessly tracing the grain of the wood with the tip of his fingernail. He hasn’t thought much lately, and it’s relaxing. It’s easier to love Erwin this way.
Hell, it’s easier to love himself this way.
He knows he’s not very attractive, and at first that made him worry. He spent hours and hours and fucking hours looking at himself in the mirror, picking at his eyebrows, his skin, his bones. Levi knew his body was lean—there wasn’t much left that he could change. What he had was what he was stuck with. He worked out every day, despite Erwin telling him to rest, despite his aching joints and screaming muscles. It was all to be better, to try and at least match up to Erwin.
Not to mention that he was small to boot. He starts to wonder what the hell Erwin is doing with someone like him, but that’s a dangerous, self destructive path that he can’t afford to go down again.
He hears the front door open, followed by a rush of cold air whipping through the apartment. Much to his credit, he manages to keep from rolling his eyes. He can tell by Erwin’s wide smile and careful steps that he’s buzzed, and that only pisses Levi off even more.
“Out with Mike again?”
“Yeah, we just grabbed a couple of drinks after we got out of the office.”
“Hm.” Levi took a large sip of tea, ignoring the burning sensation that bloomed across his tongue. Still too hot. He gets up from the kitchen table and goes to the liquor cabinet to pour himself a drink. “Want one?” he asks, and Erwin gives him the affirmative as he sits himself down.
He thinks it’s wrong to say anything, so he pours two glasses of whisky and sits across from his boyfriend.
“What?” Erwin asks, taking the drink into his hands.
“Nothing.” Levi wrinkles his nose before gulping down most of the alcohol. If anything, the warmth in his chest is a comfort. But Erwin gives him a look, and he finally sighs and slumps down in his chair. “You’ve gone out with Mike three times this week.”
“Ah.” Erwin takes a sip of his own drink, and leans back. “What are you implying?” He finally says. Levi knows that he isn’t stupid, and that he would draw a conclusion fairly quickly.
“What do you think?”
“Are you jealous?”
He hates the way “jealous” sounds. Levi crosses his arms over his chest and sits up straight. It makes him feel like the overly paranoid boyfriend, the one that can’t fucking lay off and give his lover some space.
He picks up his drink, and holds it at his lips for a moment. “That’s not what I meant, I was—“
“If you’re jealous, how do you think I feel when you go out with Eren and never think to tell me?”
“What? I went out with Eren once, and it was with a group,” Levi retorted. “Don’t fucking distract from the conversation.”
“Levi, Mike and I have been friends for years. If it’s reasonable for you to think I’m going after him, then it’s reasonable for me to think the same of you and Eren.”
He doesn’t know what it is. Maybe it’s Erwin’s tone, or maybe it’s his already short fuse, but he feels an all too familiar anger bubbling up in the pit of his stomach. He should drop it, or try to talk to Erwin. Instead, he throws his drink forward, splashing whisky all over Erwin’s face, hair, and shirt. Levi watches the blond stumble across the room, and fumble around for the faucet of the sink. He should help, he should feel bad, but he doesn’t. Erwin hisses, splashing water on his face over and over again, most likely in an attempt to quell the stinging in his eyes.
Instead, Levi feels a jab of pride, and slips out of the room.
The smaller man pulls his jacket on, leaving Erwin with his face buried in the kitchen sink. He doesn’t know where he’s going, but shit like that doesn’t matter. He ends up at the bar, and drinks until he can’t see straight. He pays for his drinks, throws his coat on, and leaves.
He wanders down the street, immediately more aware of how intoxicated he is. The street lights seem bright, and everything is moving too quickly for his liking. He makes his way to the park, and sits at one of the benches, looking around at the usually crowded sidewalks.
It’s quiet, save for the occasional ambulance or speeding car. He taps his foot against the ground, and pulls a cigarette out of his pocket. He doesn’t particularly like smoking, but he knows it will help him to relax.
“Boss?”
His head tilts up at the sound of a familiar voice, and sees Armin standing next to the bench, bundled up in a winter coat and dark blue scarf.
“Hey,” Levi greets, lighting the cigarette as the blond sits next to him. “How are you?” It was strange, to see most people outside of the office.
“Fine. You’re drunk.”
Levi shrugs, and brushes a few strands of hair out of his face. “Yeah.”
Armin wrinkles his nose while Levi takes the first puff of his cigarette. Levi thinks for a second that he should feel bad, but Armin can get up and leave at any time, so he doesn’t bother with it. “Were you at one of the bars?” Armin asks, and Levi laughs softly. There’s nothing funny, but his chest feels light, and his mind isn’t really there.
“Just out for a walk.”
“You look freezing.”
“I’m warm.”
Armin is perplexed, and Levi knows that. He’s sure the kid doesn’t know what the hell to do, and judging by his face, he knows that the older man is more than just a little buzzed. “Were you out with Erwin?” Armin asked. “Or Hanji?”
That elicited a bitter laugh from his lips. “Erwin and I got into a fight. I’m out to try and cool down,” he explains, and leaves it at that.
“Oh. You live together, then.”
Levi rolls his eyes. “Of course we fucking live together.” He forgets that everyone on the higher levels at their job knows, but it hasn’t quite trickled down to the lower levels. “I’m surprised Hanji didn’t spill.”
The two sit in silence, Armin with his hands folded on his lap, and Levi slumped down as far as he can on the bench. “Armin,” he finally says, tilting his head to look at the intern, a bitter cackle laced into his words. “There’s nothing quite like being in love.”
“Do you want me to walk you home?”
“No, it’s fine here. Don’t you have someplace to be, kid?”
“I’m just heading home from Eren’s. You don’t look so good, boss.”
Levi shrugs. He doesn’t want to move, but he forces himself up, and Armin puts a hand on his elbow, guiding him down the street. He’s following, really, but he acts like Levi is going to lose his balance, and walks too damned close to him for his liking.
“Will Erwin be out looking for you?”
“Probably not. I think I almost blinded him or some shit.”
“What?”
Levi shrugs, digging his keys out of his pocket. “Splashed a drink right into his eyes. I’m sure the alcohol didn’t sit well.”
“He’s probably worried sick about you, boss! You should go home and make sure he’s okay,” Armin all but shouts, and Levi winces at the volume of his voice. He doesn’t know why Armin’s voice sounds so loud, but it grates on his nerves, and his jaw clenches up in an attempt to calm down.
“Yeah, yeah, he can fucking deal with it.”
Still, Levi lets Armin walk him down the street, back in the direction of his apartment. It’s colder now, and he can feel himself starting so sober up. Either that, or he’s used to the buzz that comes with intoxication. He can’t really feel the tips of his fingers, but he assumes that it’s from the cold.
It’s only a short walk to the apartment, and for most of it, Armin is silent. Levi unlocks the door, and Armin takes that as his signal to leave. He turns around, but before he can completely escape, Levi clamps a hand down on his shoulder and turns him back to face him. “Armin.”
“Boss?”
“Don’t discuss this in the office next week.”
“Of course.”
“Thanks, for going out of your way and shit.”
Armin nods, this time waiting until Levi enters his apartment and shuts the door before taking his leave.
For a flash, Levi doesn’t feel safe. He walks into the apartment to the sight of Erwin pacing the floor, hair and clothes a mess. “Levi, are you okay?” Erwin’s voice is frantic in a way he’s never heard before, making Levi’s stomach churn and sink. That dread fills his chest, and he tenses up as Erwin’s hand come near him, but he feels guilty. Erwin won’t hurt him, so why does he feel threatened?
Oh, right, because he threw alcohol in the blond’s eyes and booked it out of their apartment.
“Armin walked me home.” He’s tired, and he almost loses his footing, smashing hard into Erwin’s chest. Two strong arms lock around him, holding him in place. He’s all but hoisted into the air, Erwin holding him close like some sort of lost animal.
“I saw. That was kind of him.”
“I think I’m going to be sick.”
Quickly, Erwin puts him down. “Do you want to lie down?”
“Will you join me?” Erwin’s eyes are red and puffy, but he tries his best to smile, and Levi feels horrific. He knows he either hurt the blond with the alcohol, or he had been crying.
Honestly, he didn’t know which one was worse. “Of course, Levi.” His hands snake to the smaller man’s hips, finger sloping into the belt loops of his pants. It’s not until they’re naked, smashed against each other under the covers that Levi speaks again.
“I hurt you,” he murmurs. He won’t apologize, but Erwin knows that he’s sorry.
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not. Must have hurt like a bitch.”
“I’m no better,” Erwin mutters, while Levi tries to ignore his lover’s fingers touching the still throbbing bruise on the side of his face.
“Like that excuses anything.”
Erwin kisses Levi’s forehead. Their limbs tangle together, trying to absorb each others’ warmth. It was colder out than the smaller man had thought, and he was glad to be under the covers of his bed, lover spooning him from behind. “Really, Levi, don’t worry about it. We both made mistakes.”
“For humans, we’re pretty shitty,” Levi whispers, the comforting haze of sleep beginning to take over his senses. “
He never hears Erwin respond, and assumes that he’s fallen asleep, and lets rest take over his mind as well.
This is no way to live, but it’s the only way he knows.