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I could not sleep. Not after today, not after the glorious reunion of with my beautiful wife, Claire. I could scare believe my eyes or ears this afternoon when she had appeared before me at the print shop. I had thought her yet another spirit of my aging mind. My longing for her still lingered in my heart and my body whenever I thought of her, even after all the time that had passed. And yet, she was real. She had miraculously returned to me. And now, she was here, in my arms as we lay nestled together in the bed in a whorehouse.
I lay silently, my mind whirling with the possibilities, one arm resting over my head against the pillows. My other hand wrapped securely around Claire’s smooth and soft thigh. Claire’s naked body was molded along my side, her left leg flung carelessly over my thigh, her head pillowed against my shoulder. I could tell she slept and I smiled knowingly, remembering how our bodies met and merged into one for the first time after so long apart. Our passion for each other had not diminished, in fact it seemed to burn hotter now than ever before. Our long separation and the absence of real fulfillment seemed to drive us both mad with desire. Was it possible two souls could not be complete without the other, I thought? For at this moment after many, many years I felt like I was whole man again.
I had so many questions. She said she would not leave me again. Claire’s body seeming to sense my concern with this thought, as her body attempted to snuggle closer to me. I smiled meaningfully, turning my head to softly brush my lips against Claire’s temple. My left hand came up and gently toyed with her soft curls. Her hair was a lot longer than I remembered it last. There was a softness to it, like motherhood had seeped into her very visage. Claire’s body bore the battle scars of motherhood, just like my body bore the battle scars of my life. It was a knowledge that left me breathless and wistful.
Motherhood. The child. Brianna. She lived. I closed my eyes remembering the magical images of Brianna Claire had brought with her. I looked to my coat which hung nearby. Gingerly, ensuring I did not dislodge Claire from her position along my side, I reached my arm out and fished for the items out of the inside pocket.
Pulling the wondrous pictures out, I laid them on my chest. The fire was bright enough to see and I gazed longingly at each. I looked at each at length, memorizing the child’s bonny face. I saw Claire in her, but I also saw myself. The knowledge struck at my heart a bit. The child seemed happy, full of joy, her eyes bright and curious. How I cursed that I wasn’t there to swing her in the air and hear her giggle with delight. How I wanted to hear her call me Da. Brianna. I looked at the picture of my daughter, she looked to be about 5 years old. She was laughing in the picture. I closed my eyes imagining what it would be like to do just that. I smiled widely as the images formed and moved about in my mind’s eye. Claire was there, the background watching us. I tossed the giggling wee girl up in the air and she squealed in delight. Her flowing red-gold hair flying about her head as the wind the wild strands around. After a bit, the both of us breathless with laughter, I held her close to me, her wee head upon my shoulder, her arms clasped tightly around my neck. Only once before in my life had I felt such love….with Claire. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Claire sitting on the ground nearby watching us.
A deep breath and I opened my eyes again. I smiled joyfully at the lovely dreams my mind had conjured. I brought the picture to my lips, brushing them across it lightly.
When I first saw the pictures my eyes were only for Brianna. But as I regarded each more closely, I realized in a few of the earlier pictures, Claire was in them as well, holding the wee bairn. I looked at Claire’s face, it was just as I remembered, yet there was a sadness in her eyes. My eyes watered a bit as I looked at Claire’s face, my eyes blinking rapidly. She looked so….lonely, there was a melancholy behind her smile. I wondered what she was thinking in that moment, now frozen in time for me to witness.
“I was thinking of how much I wished you there.” Claire’s voice whispered in the dark. I looked over at Claire, who had tears falling on her cheeks toward my chest. My tears too had lost their moorings and were now falling slowly.
“I wished I could have been there, mo nighean donn.” I whispered back, looking back at the picture of the two most precious things in my life…my wife and my daughter. I placed the picture back on my chest with the others there, covering them lightly with my hand, closing my eyes in appreciation. Claire’s hand softly covered mine in silent unity.
I gently lifted the pictures from my chest and placed them back into my coat. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, leaning on my elbow to gaze at Claire. She smiled up at me, the way I always remembered she did, her eyes filled with trust and love, it almost made my heart break. Gently, I ran my fingertips down the side of her face, brushing my thumb across her soft, kiss-swollen lips.
“It is enough to know the time we lost was not lost in vain.” I whispered to Claire, whose lips and chin trembled with emotion. I shushed her softly, pulling her close to me. “I thank ye with all my soul, Sassenach. For my daughter…” I swallowed hard my bubbling emotions…both sad and joyful, continuing “...and for returning to me”. I bent slowly down and feathered my lips across Claire’s trembling ones, glad in the feeling that at least I had one of them with me now.