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A Timeline of the Impossible

Summary:

Dieter uses the last of his strength to save the unfairly attractive Mr Vanderohe, locking him in the safe that cannot be opened - only to die a violent, bloody death at the jaws of the alpha king.

And then he wakes up again.

Well, he’s never yet met a safe he hasn’t managed to crack or a mystery he hasn’t managed to unravel. Time to get to work on this one.

Notes:

This film was stupid and ridiculous and I predicted pretty much exactly when and where every single character was going to die – but Vanderohe and Dieter have my entire heart, so here we are!

I’ll be posting one chapter a day, and each chapter corresponds to one loop for poor Dieter. I’ve got about twelve chapters already written, and (fair warning!) they range from about 3.5k to a proper, classic 100-word drabble.

New tags will be added as and when. I’ve not used the Major Character Death tag even though, you know, there’s a lot of major character deaths! But there’s a lot of time loop fics in this fandom, so I think we all know what we’re getting into here…

 

An after-the-fact edit! Some wonderful fanartists have created art for this fic, which just makes me ecstatically happy on all levels. A piece by 0dannyphantom0 is linked in the final note at the end of chapter 30, because it's a wee bit spoilery. There are also some pieces by Sparksy illustrating specific scenes/lines throughout the fic, which are directly linked in the text itself.

Chapter 1: the first go around

Chapter Text

Dieter hits the wall at rib-shattering speed, flung by the alpha zombie as the Götterdämmerung slides unstoppably shut. He has time for a moment of frantic, victorious elation before the alpha—the king?—turns on him, a snarl on his lips, and seizes him by the neck, lifts him off the ground as if he weighs no more than a feather. Dieter chokes out a faint mewl of protest, scratching at the alpha’s hands in what is most possibly the most pointless thing he has ever done in his often-pointless life, but the thing’s grip is iron. It studies him for a moment, yellow eyes sharp with intelligence, with amusement, and then lunges forward.

Teeth rip into Dieter’s throat, scything through his skin, his flesh, his larynx and his oesophagus. Blood gouts across the alpha’s face as he rips back, stringy tendons and gobbets of flesh dangling from his jaws, and Dieter stares in horror at the evidence of his own death, paralysed by a pain that is utterly beyond words. As he watches, dying, the alpha grins at him, brutal and savage, and eats the mouthful of Dieter’s flesh that he has stolen, fragments of oesophagus, strings of larynx, bloody reams of skin, all disappearing into that cruel, sharp-toothed mouth.

Death is coming, and Dieter has time for one thought before the darkness takes him.

But you will not get Mr Vanderohe, will you? Ha!