Archive of Our Own

Merlin would be lying if he said his initial experience in Camelot was anything more than absolutely miserable.

He'd just transferred there from a different university in his second year and he didn't know anyone for miles, didn't even have an acquaintance in the city. He’d wanted to go to Camelot for years and as soon as he’d gotten the chance, he had taken it.

He was starting to curse himself by the second week for leaving the safety of Essetir and wondering if he had made an irreversible mistake by uprooting his whole life for a new start. Ealdor, his hometown, was so much closer to his old uni and although Essetir wasn’t as big as Camelot, the student culture there had been pretty great nonetheless.

He missed Will and Freya and missed not having to go everywhere just to end up feeling like an outsider.

Merlin was in the depths of despair for a whole fortnight, reaching the point where he was considering packing up his things and fucking off. And then he met Gwen at the library.

They had been looking for the same book, had an instant connection on the first line of conversation and Merlin suddenly found himself on the receiving end of a whirlwind of friends and laughter and an inexplicable feeling of rightness in his life. 

He found Arthur too. That feeling turned out to be the rightest of them all.

Merlin said no to him that first night.

Gwen had invited Merlin to meet her friends on their scheduled pub night and Merlin, not really having anything else to do had gone.

The place was called The Zesty Unicorn, a new-age millennial place chock full of young people. There was a colourful drink shoved into Merlin’s hand by someone called Morgana, who haughtily claimed that she had the power to pick the perfect drink for anyone she came across. Merlin wasn’t sure how useful that power was but to her credit, the rum concoction was quite spectacular.

Aside from her, Gwen introduced him to her brother Elyan, his best friend Gwaine, Gwaine’s flatmate Lance, Lance’s childhood friend Percy, Percy’s classmate Mithian and Mithian’s best friend Elena. It was quite a lot to remember.

And then there was Arthur. He was Morgana’s brother, Merlin was informed and while he couldn’t see the resemblance in appearance, their posh personalities certainly hinted at a joint upbringing.

He was squeezed in between Percy and Mithian with Arthur sitting across from him. Percy and Mithian kept trying to talk over him, clearly on the verge of a relationship, and Merlin could hardly take it anymore.

He leaned forward with his elbows on the table to give them more space and Arthur, who’d been watching him, raised an amused eyebrow before mirroring Merlin’s position. 

“Annoying, aren’t they?” he asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes, as though sharing a secret with him.

Merlin glanced at the couple and rolled his eyes. “At the risk of losing friends before I’ve even made them, yes. Yes, they are.”

Arthur chuckled. “Imagine what we’ve been going through for months. You’d better run while you can.”

Merlin took a look around him, at the easy comfort of the company, the way he’d been accepted into the group without any fuss and turned to Arthur again with a smile. “No, I think I’ll stay.”

Arthur’s lips quirked up and his gaze roved over Merlin’s face in a way that made him flush. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

Merlin swallowed and buried his head in his glass.

Arthur was attractive, Merlin knew that objectively. Hell, he was gorgeous and clearly interested in Merlin, a fact he wasn’t even bothering to hide, what with all the lingering looks and subtle flirtations. They got along quite well too, engaging in a mix of banter and insults which made Merlin a little lightheaded. Arthur was a bit of a prat, mocking and sarcastic but Merlin gave back as good as he got and that seemed to spur Arthur on even more.

Merlin felt a little tug in his belly when Arthur’s fingers brushed his hand over the table and his gaze snapped up to the sight of Arthur’s mouth tugged up in a stupid, challenging little smile that Merlin didn’t know what to do with.

He stared at Arthur’s hands, his broad palms and long fingers with a silver ring wrapped around one of them, and dazedly tried to picture them on his body, running up the sides or gripping his waist. Maybe with his lips on Merlin’s and his fingers on the back of his neck and no. Nope.

Merlin’s mind revolted at the image and his stomach twisted in knots. No. He couldn’t imagine it, much less go through with it. Nothing had changed.

He sighed in resignation and downed his drink.

It was so stupid. He wanted to like Arthur. He did like Arthur but Merlin wanted to want him. But he couldn’t. Not yet. Maybe never.

But he couldn’t deny that there was something magnetic about Arthur and even though Merlin didn’t want to sleep with him, he also didn’t want this to be the last time they met. He wanted to keep Arthur in his life.

The night ended in a blur of laughing and talking and warmth, and Merlin stumbled out of the pub with the rest of them, already feeling like he’d known them forever. His cheeks hurt from smiling. 

Gwen drunkenly kissed his chin goodbye and whispered conspiratorially in his ear that she already liked him more than the rest of them combined. Merlin laughed and realised belatedly that Gwen definitely wasn’t as quiet as she’d intended to be because Morgana rolled her eyes fondly and dragged her away with a hand on her waist.

Merlin watched them go, his eyes idly turning to the pointless argument Gwaine and Lance seemed to be having by the pavement and then he felt a warm hand enveloping his own. He startled and looked around to see Arthur at his side. 

Arthur pulled him aside, in a little corner away from the fluorescent lights of the pub and Merlin’s pulse raced in anticipation. It seemed that Arthur hadn’t gotten a memo about the entire thought process Merlin’s brain had gone through back at the table. 

Arthur looked a little awkward, his earlier confidence seeming to have leeched out of him in the inky blackness of the night. 

Merlin barely suppressed a smile, crossing his arms and waiting for him to say something. He did like seeing pretty boys squirm.

Arthur exhaled, his breath fogging the cold air. “How was your night?”

“Really good,” Merlin answered truthfully. “I liked your friends.”

Arthur bit his lip, his eyes hopeful. “Just them?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You really are as thick as you look,” Arthur muttered under his breath and Merlin shot him an offended glare. Arthur held back a smile and tried again, locking eyes with Merlin meaningfully. “So. What are your plans now, after this?”

Merlin shrugged. “I was going to go back to my flat. Maybe call my mate from back home.”

“Good, good,” Arthur mumbled, starting to look frustrated. “You do know what I’m trying to get at, right?”

Despite everything, Merlin couldn’t help but be helplessly endeared by Arthur’s attempts. “Whatever it is, you’re bad at getting at it.”

Arthur huffed. “I’m not bad at it, you’re just difficult.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows and Arthur sighed, gaze softening as he took a step forward.

“Look, I - you -” Arthur swallowed hard, his eyes dropping to Merlin’s lips. “I just… I really want to kiss you. Can I kiss you, Merlin?"

Merlin’s chest constricted and he smiled sadly, stepping back to put some space between them. “No.”

Arthur’s eyes went wide and he looked like someone had slapped him. "Huh?!"

Merlin bit back a smile, ducking his head. "Really not used to hearing no, are you?"

"But why?” Arthur asked, in a voice that was part surprised and part wounded. “I thought you liked me. Didn't you?"

Merlin nodded quickly. "I do,” he assured Arthur. “I really do, as much as you can like someone when you meet them for the first time."

Arthur drew his eyebrows together, confused now. "I don't understand."

"I don't know you, Arthur."

"Does that really matter?"

"Yeah. It does to me."

Arthur’s mouth twisted into a contemplating pout and finally, after what felt like ages of heavy silence, he nodded. “Alright. Do you want to get something to eat then?”

Merlin was pleasantly taken aback. "Wouldn't you rather try finding someone else?

Arthur waved a dismissive hand, like he was already over the whole thing. "No, I only had eyes on you tonight."

"Oh, well I'm sorry,” Merlin replied, a tiny regretful pang in his chest. He wondered what this night could’ve gone like if he’d just been a little more normal.

"No, it's fine,” Arthur said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “So, kebabs?"

Merlin smiled, resigning himself to his fate for what felt like the dozenth time. “Sure.”

Merlin had kept Arthur in his life but only just so. 

He was still surprised when he found himself moving into Arthur's flat a few months later. He was pretty sure Arthur was perfectly capable of affording the place on his own but he didn't say that to Merlin when his landlord wanted to sell the dingy flat he'd rented with hardly any advance notice and had almost landed Merlin on the street.

Merlin thought it would be awkward at first. He and Arthur had only vaguely stayed in touch, had met in odd group outings from time to time but they didn't share any classes, nor any of the same interests. 

Which was why Merlin was afraid that there might be residual awkwardness between them that might take a few weeks to clear out but surprisingly, there never was any because Arthur never let there be. It was not as though he denied the existence of that first night they'd met but rather, had just moved past it, turning their relationship into something different, easier –to the point where Merlin barely even recognised the two people outside of The Zesty Unicorn on that damp November evening.

So they were friends. Closest of friends in only a few short months and his attachment to Arthur only seemed to be growing at an alarming rate. Sometimes, he thought he saw Arthur's gaze lingering on him but then he would soon find him coming home smelling of unfamiliar cologne, sometimes floral and sometimes musky, and chalked it up to idle imagination.

As for Merlin, he went out sometimes and had a good time with friends but never brought anyone back home. And he was perfectly satisfied with that arrangement.

He had tried a one-night stand. Once. It had been one of the most colossally horrible experiences of his life. But people around him were doing it and he’d felt like a massive sore thumb sticking out, the only one who wasn't pulling and for a moment he'd panicked that there was something wrong with him. So, he’d gone out and found someone to have unattached sex with and then regretted it with every bone in his body. All he could focus on was that he was sharing his body with a literal stranger, that someone he didn’t even know, much less liked had his hands all over Merlin’s body and Merlin couldn’t help but feel a little nauseous.

Utterly disconcerted by the experience, he’d done a little soul-searching soon after that and pleasantly found a label for this specific type of attraction. Merlin had known he was gay from quite early in life but this, this was far more confusing.

It was fine. He wasn’t bothered enough about it and was at peace with himself.

What wasn’t fine was that he hadn’t had feelings for anyone in aeons. That’s where the problem lay. He’d almost forgotten what romantic attraction felt like. He knew it didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, he still had his family and friends he loved fiercely but there was still that little tug of exhilaration he missed sometimes. 

Sometimes he found himself craving the sort of intimacy that didn’t come from platonic relationships, no matter how close. It was particularly intense when Merlin could see that Arthur had been with someone, had held someone close and whispered things in their ear.

But then other times Arthur would wear his rattiest set of lounge clothes and plop down beside Merlin to see maybe some art film that was playing, which he almost never ended up liking but always watched till the end anyway. He would sit close to Merlin, with their arms touching and smelling of the faded scent of his shampoo, and Merlin found himself craving less, found something at the core of him rumbling with contentment.

“It’s shocking that you’ve never watched a Ghibli film. Have you been living under a rock?" Merlin asked Arthur one night.

Arthur gave him a haughty look. "No, I just don't watch cartoons. I’m not a child."

Merlin pressed play. “Debatable but it’s a shame nonetheless, there are some really good ones. How To Train Your Dragon made me cry."

Arthur snorted and settled more comfortably into the cushions. "A cat video on YouTube made you cry."

Merlin bristled. "For the last time, I was not crying! Something went in my eye."

Arthur snickered. "Okay Merlin, whatever you say."

Merlin just grumbled under his breath and kept watching. Which turned out to be the wrong decision because eventually the film ended, and then Arthur started.

"So, this wizard –"

"Howl."

"Howl. He lives in a moving castle. Which can hardly be called a castle, by the way, it was a dump."

Merlin shrugged. "I suppose so."

"Why?"

"What kind of question is that?” Merlin said. “Because he wants to."

"And that fire demon –"

"Calcifer."

Arthur nodded and raised a dubious eyebrow. "He keeps a castle moving with his fire? That is completely illogical."

"Arthur –"

Arthur wasn’t finished. "And what about that apprentice of his? Markl? Where did he even come from? Why is the only adult supervision this child has got is a suspicious sorcerer who can barely take care of himself? Don't even get me started on the Pendragon thing. And why is Sophie so relaxed about suddenly turning into an old lady? And how the bloody hell did Howl and Sophie fall in love, she was an old woman for the majority of the film!” 

Merlin gaped at him. 

“Which, by the way, wasn't even consistent because she kept changing appearances without any explanation. None of this makes any sense, Merlin, and I would really like more detail on the weird war that was going on."

Arthur stared at him expectantly. Merlin opened his mouth, closed it and then shut the lid of his laptop. 

"I'm never watching a film with you again."

Arthur laughed good-naturedly and slung an arm around Merlin’s shoulder, sending warmth down to the tips of his toes. "You are, and next time it will be my choice," Arthur said, leaning close to his ear. 

Merlin pinched his arm and Arthur squawked in protest but then Merlin relaxed into his touch, and Arthur didn’t move his arm away either. 

Merlin realised that somewhere along the way, he had stopped wondering about intimacy.

"What's wrong?"

Arthur asked it as soon as he came out of his own room.

Merlin looked up from where he was sitting cross-legged on the carpet. "What?"

"Something's wrong," Arthur stated, his eyes piercing. "What happened? You're shaking."

"I'm not shaking," Merlin replied, turning his eyes back to the laptop. His fingers trembled over the keyboard as he stared at the screen helplessly. Maybe he was shaking a little.

But Arthur was obviously going somewhere –dinner with his father if Merlin had to guess from the way he was dressed –and he didn't want to delay or worry or bother him. Merlin was an adult, he could handle this himself.

Arthur, as always, didn't care about what Merlin thought. In a flash, he was by his side on the floor with an annoyingly determined look on his face. "Either you tell me what's wrong right now or I'll just sit here till you do. However long that takes."

Merlin turned his head away, tears welling in his eyes that he furiously fought back. He took a few deep breaths to compose himself while Arthur waited.

“Your big submission,” Arthur said suddenly, sitting up straighter. “It’s today, isn’t it? Is it something to do with that?”

Merlin huffed, crossing his arms. Now he was just irritated at Arthur for knowing everything about him, for being able to read him like a fucking book. Especially because Merlin doubted if he could do the same with Arthur.

“Merlin?”

“Yeah,” he croaked, clearing his throat.

Arthur was still staring at him expectantly. “And? I know you’ve had it ready for days, we celebrated with that atrocious champagne when you finished it.”

Merlin swallowed, eyes boring into the coffee table. He refused to look at Arthur. He was afraid he might start crying and that was more embarrassment than he could bear on top of everything else.

“I lost it,” Merlin whispered finally, his fingers curling tightly around the edges of the table. He concentrated on the way his knuckles whitened, the big scratch on the wood under his hands, anything but the panic that was threatening to choke him. “It was there on my computer one second and now it’s not.”

“What?” Arthur breathed, placing a hand on Merlin’s shoulder and turning him around. “Merlin, tell me exactly what happened.”

Merlin shook his head, his throat constricting at the concern in Arthur’s voice. “Arthur, I’ll figure it out. You obviously have plans, don’t ruin them on my account –”

Arthur’s fingers tightened where they were digging into Merlin’s shoulder and he said in a measured tone, “Merlin. Just tell me. You know I’m not leaving until you do.”

“You’re such a prat,” Merlin groaned, finally lifting his eyes to meet Arthur’s. “I lost it, okay? I don’t know what happened. The document was open and I don’t know, I clicked something or something went wrong and the system crashed and I managed to turn it on again but the document is fucking gone. It’s just disappeared! I worked on that thing for fucking weeks, Arthur, what the hell am I supposed to do now? They’ll fail me. They’ll fail me and everything will be over and –”

“Merlin.” Arthur’s hands were on either side of his neck and his eyes were very, very blue. “We’ll find it. I promise you we’ll find it.”

“How?” Merlin exclaimed. His voice cracked pathetically but he couldn’t even bring himself to care.

Arthur glanced at the computer. Merlin could see the cogs in his brain turning.

“I have a few theories on what might have happened, I have some tricks that may recover lost data,” he said. “And if that doesn’t work, I’ll call Leon. He’ll know what to do. He owes me a favour anyway.”

Merlin bit his lip to keep it from wobbling. “You sure we’ll find it?”

Arthur nodded, a gentle smile on his lips. “Yeah. I promise you.”

Realistically, Merlin knew that he couldn’t promise such a thing. There was every chance they wouldn’t be able to recover the lost file, that maybe even Leon wouldn’t be able to help. But Merlin still felt the tight knot in his chest loosen and breathing came easier.

And so they began. It took a few hours. Merlin’s hope dwindled and surged dangerously based on whatever expression Arthur was wearing.

Arthur was leaning back against the sofa with the laptop on his lap, the sleeves of his white shirt rolled back and his hair dishevelled from running his hand through it too many times. His phone kept buzzing, the screen lighting up angrily but he just put it on silent each time.

On the fifth ring, he simply grabbed his phone and switched it off with a grumble, tossing it on the sofa, far away from him. Merlin felt his chest squeeze tightly, because that most likely had been Arthur’s father and knowing the kind of man he was, Arthur was probably in for a bad reprimanding.

Merlin almost opened his mouth to say something, to force Arthur to go and fix things with his father. But his gaze caught on the pout of concentration on Arthur’s face and a rush of affection flowed through him without warning, making Merlin dizzy with its unexpectedness.

Something tugged at him, an insistent little thread in the middle of his heart, but he swallowed it down and forced his eyes back on the screen.

Seven minutes before the deadline, they found the document with Leon on speakerphone and Merlin thought he could cry from relief if he wasn’t smiling so wide.

He pulled Arthur into a suffocating hug, murmuring endless thank-yous into his shoulder and Arthur just laughed breathlessly, hugging Merlin back just as tightly, his hands running up and down his back.

The next morning, Merlin found Arthur in a hushed argument with his father on the phone and a pang of guilt seared through him.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Arthur,” he said when the call was over and Arthur was standing against the kitchen counter, looking weary. “I really didn’t mean for you to piss off your dad because of me. I’m really sorry –”

“Merlin,” Arthur cut in with a small smile lighting up his tired face, simply saying in a soft voice, “Priorities. I don’t regret it,” and Merlin thought he might actually die from it all.

Objectively, Merlin knew that Arthur wasn't going to stay single forever, that the easy routine they'd set around each other was bound to change but his heart still stuttered when he found out that Arthur and Elena were going out. She'd fancied him for ages, everyone knew that, but Arthur had never agreed to a date before. Until now.

Feelings changed, it seems.

Merlin’s own statement nudged at him. He ignored it.

As a consequence of the said dating, Arthur started hanging around the flat less and less and Merlin couldn’t help but let it bother him, like a troublesome itch under his skin that made him irritable and bitter.

Because Arthur was forgetting plans and cancelling them with a stupid, apologetic smile and Merlin soon came to the realisation that he was now being forced to share Arthur. He was not happy about it.

He knew that Elena probably noticed how frigid he was acting towards her all of a sudden and he didn’t want to because she was incredible and did not deserve that treatment. But try as he might, Merlin just couldn’t help resenting her, and if that was immature, then so be it.

*

It happened when Merlin least expected it.

Merlin was walking with Gwen to their fortnightly night out at the Zesty Unicorn, smiling as he listened to her chattering about her latest hobby that she was predictably excelling at. He was in high spirits for once and was looking forward to spending time with friends after exams but his mood immediately soured when he reached their table.

Arthur and Elena were sitting at the end of the table with Arthur’s arm around her waist and him listening with an amused expression as animatedly told him a story. Merlin felt acid burn through his stomach and he could barely stand to be there for an hour before he was making excuses about a headache and heading home –considerably more miserable than he’d been when he’d arrived.

He was properly annoyed when he reached the flat, removing his jacket with far more force than necessary and nearly ripping it when he hung it up. He’d gone out expecting to get drunk and he wasn’t even buzzed, not to mention the unexplainable unease churning in his gut that was making him want to turn into an alcoholic once and for all.

Merlin sat himself down on the sofa with a beer in his hand and decided to watch reruns of his favourite sitcom, desperately hoping that he might come out of it feeling a little better.

But two hours passed and instead of focusing on what was happening on the screen, Merlin found his mind wandering to why Arthur wasn’t home yet and if he was spending the night with Elena.

Once his thoughts were on Arthur, it was hard to shift them somewhere else. Thoughts of Arthur and Elena turned into thoughts of only Arthur and Merlin started imagining Arthur in ways he never had before.

He’d started on that track now, and couldn’t stop. He cropped Elena out from the image at the pub seared into Merlin’s brain and imagined himself in her place. He imagined Arthur's hands on his waist instead, the pads of his fingers digging into Merlin’s skin, having the full force of Arthur’s soft smile directed at him and his stomach gave such a strong jolt of excitement that it startled him.

Merlin swallowed hard, running a hand through his hair.

The feeling wasn’t unpleasant, not at all and the realisation that it wasn’t, that he liked it, that he wanted more of it made him want to smother himself with a cushion and scream into it.

It didn’t take Merlin much time to arrive at the conclusion that he was totally and irrevocably fucked.

Thus began two months of pathetic pining during which Merlin tried his hardest to go back to his state of being maybe a year ago, when he had blissfully forgotten what a crush felt like. Not that this thing with Arthur was as mild as a simple crush, but he tried not to think about it for the sake of his sanity.

Merlin sensed a shift in the atmosphere when Arthur slowly started becoming more available. He was a bit sulky though, locking himself in his room with much more frequency than before and looking at Merlin sometimes with something unreadable in his eyes.

Whenever Merlin coaxed him out of his shell, he would be withdrawn and purposely distant. And Merlin didn't know what to do with him.

It was probably a good thing for his rapidly growing crush that Arthur was being like this but the desperate feeling of missing him overpowered all sense and reason from Merlin's mind.

It didn't really come as a surprise when Arthur and Elena separated. Things had been heading in that direction for a while, anyone could see that. It had been a woefully short relationship and neither party seemed very affected by its end.

For Merlin, instead of their breakup making his life easier, it made it harder because suddenly his mind supplied him with the fluttering idea of a hope that maybe he had a chance with Arthur now. But Arthur didn't show any inclinations towards it and it was awful because Merlin's feelings had just been growing stronger than he ever thought was possible.

It was a sweet torment when he saw Arthur every single fucking day, saw his stupid crooked smile that Merlin wanted to kiss off his face and his stupid bedhead that he wanted to run his hands through. He wanted to know what Arthur sounded like when he came and wanted to be the one to make him do it and wanted to test his theory to see if Arthur was a cuddler and then he wanted to take him out on a stupid date and hold his stupid hand and wanted to be by his side every day, always, and just the sheer force of how much he wanted made Merlin shudder.

He wasn't used to wanting. But now it was all he did.

Merlin had had an instinctual feeling that he might regret trying out this new coffee shop on the way to uni but he desperately needed to be caffeinated and in lieu of that, had ignored any pessimistic thoughts.

It had been so far so good until Elena of all people had entered the place, caught sight of him almost instantly –taking away any chance for him to quietly slink away –and then proceeded to take a seat from across him with a delighted smile on her face.

“Merlin!” she greeted. “You’ve been a stranger lately, haven’t you?”

It was Elena, his friend –cheerful and goofy and ridiculously fun to be around –but it was also Elena, Arthur’s ex –someone Merlin had avoided like the plague for weeks and weeks.

He didn’t like admitting it was jealousy but yes, that’s what it had been.

Merlin flushed, feeling immeasurably guilty about his childish behaviour. “Sorry, I’ve been a bit of a mess these past couple of months. I didn’t mean to.”

Elena smiled sweetly. “It’s okay. We all have our bad days.”

“Thank you.” Merlin smiled back and added, "For the record, I'm sorry."

Surprisingly, Elena looked confused. “Why?”

Merlin was taken aback. "Uhh, your breakup. With Arthur."

Realisation dawned on her face and she shook her head, her smile hardly leaving her face. "Oh no, don't be!” she said with an easy grin. “It's completely alright. It was a mutual decision."

Merlin stared at her, shocked that she wasn’t more upset about it. If he’d had Arthur like she did and then lost him, Merlin didn’t know what he would do with himself.

Curiosity got the better of Merlin and he couldn’t help but probe further. "I hope you don't mind me asking but what exactly happened between you two?"

Elena shrugged, taking a sip of her latte. "Nothing happened, we just weren't working. I know Arthur tried his best but if you ask me now, in hindsight, I think it was doomed from the start."

"But you seemed happy."

"We were,” she replied with a slightly wistful tone. “We were happy for a bit because we’re friends and enjoy each other's company but anything more than that, I wasn't the one he was looking for."

Merlin’s heart skipped a beat. "You think he was looking for someone?"

"No," Elena said with a smile, giving him an unreadable look. "I think he already found them."

Things had gone back to normal for the most part, to how they’d been before except now, Merlin was halfway in love with Arthur. And halfway was an understatement.

Merlin was glad for a night of distraction when Mithian hosted her pre-Christmas party that was actually nowhere near Christmas and in Merlin’s opinion, was just an excuse to get Percy into her flat. Unfortunately, they were still dancing around each other and by this point, Gwaine had made up and Lance had shut down too many ideas to lock them into a cupboard.

They seemed to be making headway now though, Merlin observed from his corner with Gwen and nudged her to tell her about the development. She snorted into her drink, already considerably tipsy, and confided that she had a wager with Morgana that Mithian was finally going to lure Percy into her bedroom.

Merlin raised an eyebrow at her. “You two make bets about your friends?”

Gwen gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Why not? We’ve had bets about you too.”

“Gwen!” Merlin said. “What about me?”

“Not just you. You and Arthur.”

Merlin’s stomach dropped. Had his feelings been that obvious?

He swallowed. “Me and Arthur? What do you mean?”

“Oh, you know,” she waved a hand, grinning impishly. “Just how long it would for you two to…ahem, become best friends.”

The way she said the two words, Merlin didn’t think that’s what she meant.

“You’re lying.”

She turned to him with a doe-eyed look. “Why would you say that?”

He glared her down for a moment and she maintained her innocent expression until Merlin caved with a huff and looked away in defeat.

His eyes sought out Arthur as soon as they were on the crowd and he felt his heart sinking when he found him near the balcony, still talking to the hot guy who’d been making increasingly direct advances on him all night.

Merlin didn’t know who he was, Mithian’s cousin or something, and he hoped she wouldn’t be too upset if he accidentally pushed the git down the balcony.

Merlin took a deep breath, clenching his fists and then loosening them. At least Arthur didn’t seem to be flirting back. He was just indulging the bloke with a bored look on his face, not even bothering to be subtle when he checked his watch every few minutes.

Merlin almost felt bad for the guy but then he put his hand on Arthur’s bicep and kept it there, and suddenly Merlin’s plan involved stabbing him with a butter knife before pushing him down the balcony.

Merlin was so busy keeping his homicidal fantasies in check that he didn’t even notice when Gwen left his side and Arthur took her place, shaking his shoulder.

“Do you want to head home?” he asked Merlin. “I think I’m just about ready to leave.”

Merlin looked around, finding that Mithian had already disappeared from the room, along with a suspiciously absent Percy and Gwen was sleeping with her head on Morgana’s shoulder who appeared to be in a heated argument with Elyan over either nachos or Van Gogh.

Merlin nodded at Arthur, straightening up. “Okay. Let’s go.”

Arthur insisted on walking back to their flat and although it was a nearly twenty-minute walk, Merlin agreed.

It was a chilly November night and as the gravel crunched under his shoes, Merlin realised that it had been a year since he’d known Arthur.

Merlin glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, watched the way his light hair ruffled with the slight wind. The beat of Merlin’s heart went thump-thump against his chest.

When the silence had stretched long enough, Merlin cleared his throat. "I'm surprised you're here actually."

Arthur’s lips twitched. “Here where? On Earth?”

Merlin elbowed him, rolling his eyes. “Here, prat. Going back home.”

"Why?”

Merlin bit his lip, trying to sound nonchalant. "I dunno, I thought you might go with that bloke you spent all night talking to.”

Arthur looked uncomfortable. "Yeah, no. I wasn’t actually interested, if you weren’t able to tell."

Merlin nodded and then cursed his loosened tongue when he blurted out, "You know, it’s been a while since Elena."

“I know.” Arthur’s voice was quiet, stilted.

“Do you miss her?” Merlin asked next. He didn’t know why he was talking about this with Arthur, it was an express highway to heartbreak and he silently prayed for divine intervention to shut him up.

Arthur was looking down when he answered. "It's not about Elena,” he murmured. “It's...nothing."

"Okay. Was there something wrong with the guy then?"

"No."

"Then what is it? There must have been –”

"For god's sake, Merlin!" Arthur exclaimed, suddenly stopping in his tracks. "There was nothing wrong with him, he just wasn't you!"

The silence that followed was deafening as Merlin tried to make sense of what he’d just said.

“What?” he breathed, the words registering with full force and a surge of hope coursing through Merlin.

He didn’t know how he managed to remain standing.

This was happening. This was happening.

Arthur’s eyes were wide under the fluorescent lights of whatever back-alley pub they’d stopped in front of. He pulled Merlin into a hidden dark corner, looking startled and afraid.

"Look. Look, forget I said anything okay?” his voice trembled. “Sorry, I'm just tired and –”

“Arthur.”

“I didn’t mean to say it, I’m really sorry –”

“Arthur.”

“What!”

Merlin stepped forward. “Can I kiss you?"

Arthur blinked. "What?"

Merlin took another step. "I want to kiss you. Please."

Arthur shook his head in bewilderment even as his eyelashes fluttered from the proximity and his gaze drifted down to Merlin's mouth on its own accord. Merlin gave him a moment to step away, to refuse but Arthur just stood there, frozen. So, before Merlin could lose his nerve, he leaned forward to slowly press his lips against Arthur's.

Merlin's heart helplessly stuttered in his chest at the contact.

Arthur pulled away, looking hesitant. "God, Merlin. Are you sure –”

“Yeah. Yes.” Merlin nodded dazedly and drew him back in with a hand behind his neck because dear lord, it felt good. He felt frissons of pleasure go down his spine as Arthur's warm mouth opened under his, tongue unsure at first but then experimental and Merlin felt weak in the knees because he'd been kissed before but it had never been like this because he'd never liked anyone so much, never been this attracted to anyone and he couldn’t get enough.

Just the knowledge that it was Arthur's hair beneath his fingers and Arthur's hand covering his back and that it was Arthur he was pressing into the wall, so familiar and so dear and so beloved, made heat pool in Merlin’s belly.

Merlin could have kept snogging him till the end of time but eventually Arthur was breaking the kiss, his chest heaving.

He was looking at Merlin in a way that made him want to start blushing violently.

"Was that...was that good for you?" Arthur whispered hoarsely.

Merlin smiled, brushing a thumb across his cheek. "Bloody fantastic. We should do it again. More."

Arthur laughed softly and Merlin wanted to compose sonnets for that laugh. "Alright. Calm down."

Merlin sighed, swaying into Arthur’s space, feeling giddy and drugged. He kissed him square on the jaw, peppering kisses all over his face as his body hummed with the contentment, the feeling of rightness washing over him in gushing waves.

Arthur let out a wrecked little noise and flipped them so Merlin was pinned against the wall.

He kissed Merlin hard, making him gasp and trailed his lips down his neck. "Been wanting you for forever, drove me crazy, Merlin,” he murmured against Merlin’s throat. “Thought for sure that I was going to end up in the mental ward if this went on for too long."

Merlin laughed, sliding his fingers into Arthur’s hair. Arthur nipped at his skin playfully, proceeding to suck a bruise over it and Merlin's laugh turned into a groan.

The sound of footsteps made Merlin aware of the fact that they were in fact in public and he breathlessly pushed at Arthur’s shoulders.

Arthur’s eyes were glazed and darkened when he resurfaced, his lips swollen and red and the sight of him made Merlin’s brain go haywire.

He took a shuddering breath and had just enough sense left to not ravish Arthur in a damp alley, grab his hand and drag him home as fast as possible.

"How long?"

"Hmm?"

Merlin didn’t immediately register Arthur’s words, his eyes closed, drowsy and sated. He was lying on his front, face turned towards Arthur while Arthur drew patterns over his bare back with light fingers, sparking lazy sensations in Merlin. The touch of him was hot but also comforting, known and Merlin could let himself go to it.

"How long have you had feelings for me?"

Merlin’s mind was brought back to the conversation at hand and he opened his eyes halfway to find Arthur staring at him steadily.

"Well,” Merlin contemplated, pursing his lips. “A few months. I realised it when you started going out with Elena but I probably had them for a while before that."

Arthur groaned, sounding pained. He propped himself up on an elbow so he was looking down at Merlin. "Should've told me."

Merlin frowned. "How was I supposed to know you liked me back?"

"How could I not?” Arthur said. “Have you seen yourself? I've wanted you ever since I first saw you. You know that."

Merlin made a noise of objection. “No, what I know is that you wanted to have sex with me the first time you saw me and then forget about me afterwards."

Arthur huffed in disbelief. "You can’t say that,” he argued. “Somehow, I doubt I wouldn't have been head over heels for you anyway."

Merlin's chest flooded with warmth at his words but he tried not to be too obvious. Inflating Arthur’s ego was probably not the way to go around having a relationship with him. "Cute. Maybe you should've hinted at something rather than acting like an idiot and friendzoning me."

Arthur glared at him, pinching the flesh of his hip and Merlin yelped.

“You friendzoned me first,” Arthur informed him and well, Merlin couldn’t really argue with that. “Besides, I couldn't do anything, not when you'd already said no to me once. I didn't have any right or reason to assume that your feelings would change.”

Merlin’s heart softened like a stick of butter left out under the sun’s rays. He couldn’t imagine it now, couldn’t imagine how he’d felt back then, couldn’t imagine not aching for Arthur with everything he’d got.

Arthur averted his gaze. “I tried to move on, I truly did but it didn’t really work," he added quietly. " I didn't think I'd ever get to have this. I always wished but didn't dare to hope."

Merlin, feeling emotions too big for words, leaned forward and kissed the corner of Arthur’s mouth. "I'm sorry."

Arthur lifted his eyes too meet his and kept Merlin there, their noses almost touching, his arm snaking around Merlin’s waist so he could pull the rest of his body closer too.

"No, don't...don't apologise,” he said gently. “I understand why. Besides I'm glad it happened this way. We probably wouldn't have lasted long if we'd slept together that night."

Merlin smiled, unable to stop himself from pressing a soft kiss to Arthur’s lips. "You think we're going to last?"

Arthur’s unwavering gaze stayed on Merlin’s face, intense, all-consuming and god, did Merlin want to be consumed by him.

"Don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Merlin whispered. He was ready for this, ready for Arthur. “Just checking.”