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It had begun so long ago, like an ever present hurt that never let go of his body. That ache which permeated his very soul. Some lonely feeling that made his eyes burn as a child watching others together. So very little of that time could be remembered except for the blood blinding his eyes and the shouts of crowds watching his every move. His mind full of violence and cheers for blood even before the ever-encroaching whispers of those voices began. The days of Hypixel lost to him but through that haze of fighting, blood, cheering, more and more fighting, and the ache yet again.
That split moment before being thrown into another match to spend aching over wounds that didn't exist anymore and over the clapping of shoulders by teammates as they respawned, him being left to stand waiting, alone. Not that Techno was ever truly alone in any sense, surrounded by the crowds, those he fought, and later his companions inside his mind, strange as they might be. He spent all that blood hazed time aching, and he carries it with him like the weight of his cloak, ever present.
The first time that ache subsided for even a moment he was still so small no matter how vehemently he wished to be large, to be strong. The voices had just begun, still yet unable to understand them he came out of a viscous tournament injured and his mind filled with screams. Unaware of a watching figure he gripped his head, sharp hands digging deep into his scalp and pulling at his hair.
He felt a touch pulling at his hands to try and pull them from his head. Techno flinched back from the sudden unexpected contact. He heard a what sounded like a sigh and felt a hand reach for him again, this time settling on his back. The feeling of teleportation wobbling into his gut and the noise of Hypixel’s arena was silenced. That hand stayed and rubbed comforting circles as he was motioned to sit down. Still enveloped in the noise of his mind techno did so. There he sat for what seemed to be hours. For the first time in his short life, he felt so safe in the moment.
Looking up from his hazy pained vision he looked at the first person to fill that lonely ache in his life, Simon. Unaware at that time in his life what stir he had created among the ascended of Hypixel. Techno allowed himself to be comforted by the fighting server’s admin.
Technoblade lived that way a long time after, as he grew up guided by the voices and Simon’s distant, if not kind, hands. Knowing in his very soul that the ache was not truly fulfilled only subsided for the time.
He was happy, in a way, during that time growing in Hypixel at the side of violence and blood. Perhaps a childhood was missed, perhaps he should have had a sweltering and hard, but simple life among a sounder within the nether, perhaps he could have found family among fellow players before being thrust into fighting by circumstance and tragedy. That was all perhaps, all maybes, and none of it the reality of Techno’s life. There isn’t thought to be spared on what could have been.
So, he grew up nails blood stained and sword held high, crowned in his victory. That gapping void he felt left unfulfilled. As he lay resting, thoughts drifting, and wishing for more. Unable to put to words what that more was. It wasn’t till many years had gone by he was able to find that more, that unsaid want, that unrelenting ache.
That more found in a family, that love and safety in the warmth of others. He found that companionship first in the warm, kind crystal blue eyes of a stranger. As they overtook entire servers, and in the cold blistering Arctic raising empires. He found that ache subsided in Philza. And he found that void truly filled in the brotherhood of Wilbur, even in Tommy. As he grew closer to their family, as he became a part of it. Techno found that ache no longer permeated his heart or his mind.