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The slap that broke your mind, like a tightly wound thread bearing far too much weight.
You weren't the only one Korosensei slapped, everyone involved got one. You and some classmates were having fun, using your assassination skills to take a parkour shortcut to school. One of you ran into an old man and it caused trouble for Karasuma Sensei. When Korosensei found out about it, he struck you all across the face. Sure he probably saw it as an angry father figure's punishment for his misbehaving kids, but there in lies the problem.
Korosensei knows about your relationship with your father, he's one of the few you've told about your abusive alcoholic deadbeat of a dad. He knows that living with that man has caused serious self esteem issues, along with severe trauma. It was Korosensei that helped you find your voice, your will to speak out and the ability to defend yourself.
He knew, and he didn't care.
Maybe it wouldn't be fair to spare you while punishing the others, but wasn't it Korosensei who said hurting children wasn't a viable way to help them learn and grow? Wasn't he the one who promised you that he would never treat you like your father does? Wasn't HE the one who adopted a surrogate father figure attitude toward you because he thought you needed it?
He lied.
He got angry and he hit you. He HIT you.
In the moment you remain calm, a demeanor you've practiced a million times for your father. They're not so different after all, are they? No, no Korosensei is arguably worse than a pathetic excuse for a man like your father. Korosensei made you trust him, even love him like family you never really had, all the while his attitude and personality made it easy to forget he plans to murder you. All of you. Every one and every thing.
He's playing with you. He knows no one can kill him, he knows none of you stand a real chance in only six month's time. He's toying with you, laughing behind your backs at your pathetic attempts to destroy him. Then, when he gets bored playing, he'll kill you all.
Nothing matters. It never did.
You don't stick around for class, it's easier than you'd expect to sneak away in the aftermath of your scolding. You won't return to your father so he can beat the shit out of you for every minor thing you do wrong, you won't return to your teacher so he can smile in your face while truly not giving a damn about you. School doesn't matter, nothing matters. You're already dead, just like everyone else. Only difference is that you're one of the few people who know it.
Korosensei knows you're not in class, but at first he chalks it up to skipping. He'll have a talk with you later about it, but it's only fair to give you time to cool off. It's an oversight on his part with everything going on that he forgets your history as a victim of abuse, and doesn't put together that his actions may have caused a chain reaction of logical fallacies leading you to the conclusion that he can't be trusted. After everything he's done to earn your trust, he doesn't consider that the thread of your respect could be so tenuous.
Not right away, anyway.
After a few days of you completely skipping classes, he realizes something is wrong. You would never skip class in general, but three days? He visits your home, in disguise of course, and not for the first time has to fight the urge to murder your father.
"I don't know where that useless cunt is and I don't care." Your father spits, glaring somewhere approximately at Korosensei. "For all I know she could've offed herself. Can't say it'd bother me any."
Korosensei's blood, or his version of it, runs cold at the suggestion. Why would you- Suddenly, staring at your father, it clicks.
He recalls the moment he struck his troublesome students, a lapse of judgment when anger got the better of him. For the others it was a wake up call. For you, it was a betrayal of trust. You'd let him in, opened up to him, and he betrayed that.
He had to find you.
--
It turns out you can make some decent money if you let desperate men fuck you. Pretend you're older than you are, wear revealing clothes and hang around areas where men with too much money and too little time hang out. The seedy places where no one knows or cares who you are.
It hadn't started out this way, you'd been just walking without a set destination. Part of you wanted Korosensei to find you so you could yell at him, get everything off your chest. Part of you still wanted to trust him. He was so good at making everything better. The hand on your shoulder wasn't his though, it was a man you didn't recognize. He leered down at you, and your instinct to defend yourself almost kicked in until the man spoke.
"How much you going for, sweetheart?" He asked, his lascivious grin making your skin crawl. Korosensei would hate this.
Perfect.
"How much you got?" You ask plainly.
The man chuckled, and made you an offer you couldn't refuse. Then you told him it was your first time, both in general and selling yourself. You insisted on doubling the price and he took the deal.
It hurt, and you hated it, but it wasn't really about you was it? He paid, so he could do what he wants. Not like you can't kill him if he goes too far. Still, you felt dirty afterwards in a way you couldn't explain. It wasn't selling your sex for cash, that was just business and good business at that. It was him, you think. The way he used you, almost delighted in making you uncomfortable knowing fully well it was your first time. Frankly, you're not sure he really believed you but he paid either way.
It's only been two days since, but in those two days you've been fucked a handful of times and managed to avoid any nosy police every time. You can pay rent for a month already, if you settle for somewhere cheap that doesn't look into your identity too much. You've been sleeping in hotels that clients pay for so you can have a little privacy, and you're starting to think this setup won't be so bad. Just demand up front that they pay for the night even if they leave. If they don't like it, you walk. Maybe other sex workers wouldn't be so bold, so downright ridiculous about their demands, but you're not other sex workers.
You're an assassin.
Well, right now you're not. Right now you're on your back in an interesting little abandoned building that's been set up as a makeshift living space for a group of small time thugs. They paid though, so you don't care who they are.
"Fuck. You're so tight. Never met a whore with such a tight pussy." The man currently pounding into you grunts.
You grab his face and dig your short fingernails into his cheeks. "Don't call me a whore unless you want me to tear your balls off."
His friends laugh, but he just nods until you let go. "Jeez, touchy." He replies.
"You want to call me slurs, you pay extra. I'm not putting up with that shit for free." You reply, letting go of his face.
"Already paid extra." He grunts as he thrusts into you roughly.
"Yeah" You say, choking back a moan. For all your attitude and bravado, this does actually feel good. "That was for the privilege of shooting your filthy cum INSIDE me. Slurs are extra."
"Fuck, why is that so hot?" He asks, mostly to himself, as his hips jerk sporadically.
"Getting bossed around and belittled? Because you're a freak." You reply, pulling him forward and crushing your mouth to his.
He nods and kisses you back feverishly, then groans into your mouth. You feel hot ropes of cum fill your womb and after a moment he pulls out, panting. You're barely given a moment before his friend in between your legs, spreading you wide.
"Impatient" You tisk. "Idiot."
The man laughs and pushes into you a little more roughly than you'd like.
"Ow! Hey, be careful!" You huff, slapping his chest.
He grunts and grabs your arms, pinning them above your head. "Shut up and take it, whore."
You sneer and lift your foot to kick him, but one of his friends grabs it and holds it down.
"Let go of me or I walk!" You demand indignantly.
"Like to see you try" The man currently fucking you says with a derisive laugh.
"No, you wouldn't." You reply "Get off me."
He grabs your throat with his free hand and squeezes, still thrusting roughly into you. It hurts, it really fucking hurts. Between the way he's choking you and the speed and force he's pushing into you, it's really painful. You try to pull free, recalling your training, but they've already got you where they want you. Unfortunately you spent so much time training to kill ONE monster, you neglected to learn how to defend against multiple.
Fuck.
"Get off!" You croak as he continues to choke you.
"I plan to." He replies with a twisted grin.
He picks up his pace, drawing back and shoving in as hard as he can.
"Sick. Fuck." You spit, sneering at him.
You close your eyes tightly and try to ignore the sensation of being violently fucked. No, raped. Don't get it confused. There's a difference between rough, emotionless sex and this.
This is rape
It happened so quickly too, everything was fine just a moment ago and now everything is different. You wonder what the guy who liked being called names thinks of this. You liked him. You'd probably work with him again, but not his friends. Stupid bastards.
Your eyes shoot open when you hear a scream from the hallway, followed by a bang that almost sounds like an explosion. The man raping you stills, and you hear him shout to the others standing guard outside. You glance toward the door, which requires you to tilt your head at a weird angle, and find yourself staring at a massive three meter tall black tentacle monster.
"Sensei" You say simply.
His beady white eyes flick to you, on the ground with a grown man on top of and inside you, a hand gripping your throat and another hand holding your arms down. You realize the man who'd been holding your feet down is no longer doing so, but you don't bother to do anything.
"You" Korosensei says in a voice you've heard only a few times before. An almost animalistic, clenched teeth, seething rage. "Get your hands OFF my student."
"Student?" The man looks down at you, and you look up at him with cold, vacant eyes.
"Yeah, did I forget to mention I'm fifteen?" You ask when he lets go of your neck.
He doesn't have time to respond, and you're quite surprised when he's pierced through with a tentacle and sent flying across the room. You're left uncomfortably exposed, your legs spread and cum from a few of the previous men oozing out of you. You idly think about how you never realized Korosensei could use his tentacles like spears. They're so squishy, you'd never expect it.
You glance at the corpse of the man who'd just been inside you, slumped against the wall, and you sit up slowly. Korosensei's gaze flicks back to you, and you stretch like you'd just woken up from a nap.
"Well, that's traumatic." You laugh, and it unsettles even you how easy it is to joke about such things.
Korosensei's color slowly returns to it's normal yellow hue as he approaches you. You're naked and covered in cum, but you don't particularly care. This is his fault anyway. He says your name, his voice shaky as if on the verge of tears. You hold your hand up and he stops, surprised by the motion.
"If you're here to fuck me, you'll have to get in line. Then again, the queue got a lot shorter when you started killing everyone." You say, wiping some cum off your breast and flicking it away. "Might have to charge extra for the tentacles, though."
Korosensei's face is generally hard to read, being that it's mostly two dots and a line for his mouth, yet you're surprisingly able to read his utter confusion and disbelief just fine.
"I'm not going to hurt you" He says, as if that had been what you were implying. As if you were a fragile creature afraid of the big bad wolf.
"I didn't ask if you were going to hurt me. Actually I didn't ask anything at all." You stand up, fully aware of the cum that runs down your legs when you do. It's intentional. He looks away, his face a deep shade of pink. You scoff and step closer. "Pervert" You tisk. "Aren't you going to apologize properly?" You cross your arms. "Do you understand that this is your fault?"
His head turns quickly back to you, his eyes focusing on yours. "I know." He says solemnly. "I am so sorry."
You take another step closer. "Do you know I came here of my own free will? I'm having sex with people for money. Not just people, men. Grown, adult men. They don't even know I'm fifteen, and if they do they don't care."
"I'd ask why you're doing this to yourself, but I already know." Korosensei says quietly, his eyes not leaving yours.
"Don't feel too bad, sensei. You might have killed a FEW innocent men who had no idea they were fucking a teenager, but that guy." You point to the man Korosensei pulled off you. "He WAS raping me."
Korosensei's eyes flash, you didn't even know they could be so expressive given how small and simple they are, and he opens his mouth to speak but you cut him off.
"It's been an eventful few days, Sensei. I lost my virginity to a man that got off on hurting me, became a sex worker, and got raped all in about three days! Oh. Let's not forget I'm probably pregnant." You gesture to the mess between your legs. "The best part: it's all YOUR fault!" You laugh bitterly. "My dear, sweet, loving sensei is a lying, backstabbing, traitor!" You step closer to him again.
He hasn't moved, hasn't flinched, aside from his eyes. He's just staring at you, like he's letting you get this all off your chest. Like this is just another of his stupid life lessons. Fuck. Him.
"What, cat got your tongue?" You ask, your face twitching angrily. "This is your fault! I TRUSTED YOU! You LIED to me! You told me you would never hurt me, but that's a lie. When you got mad, you hit me just like HE does. You're no better, no one is. You're all the same. Just like my father, just like that guy." You gesture to the man Korosensei killed. "I HATE you!"
"You have every right to." Korosensei says finally.
"You're damn right I do!" You shoot back, glaring daggers at him. "You lied to me, and you've BEEN lying to me! You made me think that you care about me, that I could finally trust SOMEONE, but I should have known better. You've been smiling in our faces this whole time, being so kind and sweet, but you're just playing a sick fucking game aren't you? Our lives mean NOTHING to you. Nothing."
"If that were true, would I be here now?" Korosensei asks in that stupid gentle voice that made you trust him to begin with.
"It's obvious you don't, because you plan on killing us anyway!" You laugh, and Korosensei has never heard a laugh sound so strangely like breaking glass. A slowly cracking mind, and his action was the kicked up pebble that turned the stress fracture into a full blown shatter.
His heart aches so badly he thinks it might shatter too, but even now he can't tell you the truth. God knows he wants to, but then there's a lot he wants to say that he never can.
"Everything will be okay." He says instead.
You stare at him, your eyes swimming with tears. "LIAR! Nothing will ever be okay again!" You punch him, and he lets you. It's the least he can do. "You're a monster and I hate you! I HATE you!" You know your punches don't really hurt him, but it makes you feel better.
"My dear, I don't think you have it in you to truly hate anyone. You're angry and lost, but hatred is too ugly a thing for you to be capable of. If you were, you would have focused that energy on killing me instead of destroying yourself." Korosensei reasons.
You're shaking. Damn him. Damn him for making you feel seen and heard and cared for when you're hurting so much inside. You WANT to hate him. You HAVE to hate him. It isn't fair.
"It isn't fair" You say weakly as you sink to the floor. "I hate you."
"No you don't." Korosensei replies, crouching down and resting a tentacle on your shoulder.
You bury your face in your hands and sob. He gently scoops you up and wraps you in the outer jacket of his teacher uniform. He's wearing it even now, like there is nothing more to his identity than his being a teacher. He wipes a tear from your cheek and you don't resist. You're too exhausted now anyway, and you quietly sob into his chest.
He takes off, so quickly you know no one could ever follow you.
--
The school is quiet at night, and you realize it never occurred to you that Korosensei might live here. Where else would he live though? You wash up in one of the bathrooms and return to the classroom, sporting your gym uniform since there's not much else to wear. He's looking out the window, up at the moon that he destroyed. Such a powerful and chaotic being.
"Hey" You say to get his attention, even though you know he knows you're there.
"Hey yourself." He replies, turning his head to look at you. "How are you feeling?"
"Mmmh, like shit?" You admit, sitting at your desk and staring up at the moon.
"Please watch your language." He scolds gently.
"Sorry." You sigh. "Guess I got used to a certain kind of people."
"Yes, I'm sure you have." He says, crossing his tentacles. You're expecting a lecture, but instead he sighs. "I am entirely to blame for what happened to you. I should have taken your situation into account, but I lost my temper and lashed out."
"Guess you're not so perfect after all, huh?" You reply with a shrug.
"That, I am not." He admits.
"Humility is a good color on you, teach." You say with a chuckle.
He responds with a chuckle of his own. "Well, don't get used to it."
You look away, your smile fading, and he feels a chill run up his back. "Right. I'll be dead in six months anyway so I guess I'd better not." You tap the surface of your desk anxiously. "I won't even live long enough to be a disappointment of a teen mother." You laugh bitterly.
He sighs your name, and you look up at him. You can tell he's struggling with something, but you can't fathom what. "I..." He says, uncrossing and crossing his arms again. He's fidgeting. "I'm not going to destroy the world. I was never going to destroy the world."
You freeze and stare at him in utter shock. "What?" Is all you can say.
He shakes his head. "That information is not to be shared with anyone. Ever."
You continue to stare, mouth agape. "W-why?"
"I can't tell you that, but please understand that I have never wanted anything but the best for you and your classmates. I have failed utterly in my duty as your teacher, and I am truly sorry for that." He bows deeply and stays that way for a long time.
Until he hears you start laughing. He straightens up and looks at you, once again confused. "Uh?" He says, dumbfounded.
You're laughing to the point of tears and you even snort once or twice. "Y-you mean to tell me, th-that all of this is a fucking JOKE? A practical joke that put the weight of the literal WORLD on our shoulders? A joke that led me to the conclusion that I'm going to DIE in less than a year and that nothing I do will matter anyway?" You thump your head against the surface of your desk. "That's really something, Sensei. That's REALLY something."
He's not sure how to respond. He's not sure how you're actually taking this. "You're not out of options, my dear. Everything will be fine. I told you that and I meant it."
"What's the point of all this? Are you that suicidal, or do you just plan on moving along to the next country and the next ragtag group of kids when the year is over?" You ask, raising your head and looking at him.
"I told you I can't tell you that. I shouldn't have told you what I did but-"
"But I'm a pathetic failure of a human being who managed to fuck up your plans to be the best teacher ever SO royally you had no choice?" You finish for him.
"First of all, you're not a failure. You've had a setback or two, but you're NOT a failure." Korosensei replies, wagging a tentacle-finger. "Secondly, I believe I told you to watch your language."
You clear your throat and nod. "Right, sorry."
He crosses the room and places a tentacle on your shoulder. "I know this seems like an impossible problem to solve, but if we take it one piece at a time we can find a solution. So please don't give up on yourself, you know I won't give up on you. I just ask that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for my actions. I never meant to hurt you or betray your trust. I am truly sorry."
You place your hand on his tentacle and sigh lightly. "Alright, I get it. We both screwed up royally. I'm a stupid kid who can't see the big picture and you're... I don't know what the hel-er heck you are."
Korosensei smiles, clearly pleased you corrected yourself on cursing. "I'm your teacher, your future and wellbeing is my top priority. YOU are my top priority. Understood?"
You nod and a small smile graces your lips. "Understood"